Chapter 25 Chapter Twenty-Five

I am happy and fulfilled every day when I am with Qing.However, every day, I fell asleep in the midst of contradictions and struggles, thinking of me and Qing, it seemed that there was no future.Everything at this moment is just like what Jinxi said, "I can't wait to look at the moment", and it is also the enthusiasm and hopelessness of "fighting for a lifetime of rest, and making you happy every day".Especially when Fangruo comes to visit me, tell me anything about the court that is closely related to my past.I was shocked again and again that my body, hair and skin were all deeply imprinted with the past.

I don't know how I'm going to get out of my identity, how he's going to be out of his own.Such an annoying identity makes me embarrassed and ashamed. But every day when I woke up, I saw the meager morning light sifting in through the lattice of the window sills. Thinking that I might be able to see him again on this day, my whole body was immersed in great joy and sweetness. How sweet is it?Every moment I'm with Qing, my heart is swollen and open, I only feel relaxed and happy, and no troubles in this world will come to find me. Sometimes, I would rather be an ignorant woman with no morals, no shame, no sense of right and wrong, and even... no memory.In this way, I will not suffer, will not be sad.

If possible, I would rather trade everything I have now for the happiness of knowing each other and being together with Qing. I am willing. On this day, I was wandering with him almost without sleep, and I just felt that being held by him like this was already a great happiness. The mountain road is rugged, winding all the way up from the forest.The stone slabs that have not been walked for many years are covered with thick moss, and it is very difficult to walk step by step.Above the head are strange and messy branches stretching towards the sky, and the faint shadows falling on the ground look like the stern and terrifying arms of monsters and monsters, but the trees on the arms are all light yellow and dark green leaves, crisp, thin, tender and bright.There are unknown birds chirping in the depths of the branches, giving the cold and silent dusk in the valley an indescribable tenderness and vitality.There are a few newly bloomed impatiens in the mountains, faintly blooming among the overgrown weeds, bright and bright as fire.

At that time, the sun was setting on the west mountain, and the afterglow was like gold. For half a day, it was full of radiant sunset glow, bright red, emerald yellow, purple gold, bright blue, soft pink, like the most splendid and gorgeous brocade... in front of him The top of the mountain is condensed with gorgeous and indescribable clouds, as if you can reach it with your hand.And behind me is the dark and gloomy sky that is about to enter the night, and the black clouds are sweeping like smoke, so low that they seem to be pressed down. The last ray of golden sunlight enveloped him, he turned around to look at me, his face could not be seen clearly in the backlight, he slowly stretched out his hand to me, "The mountain road is difficult, I will take you by the hand."

His body was as bright and solemn as a god under the sun, and the mountain wind whimpered as it passed between us, and his wide sleeves were slightly swollen by the wind, fluttering like three feet of clear water. I just felt a thump in my heart, the twilight all around, the infinitely soft summer breeze, so quiet that I could hear my own breathing.I hesitated to stretch out my hand, and secretly clasped it, the palms of which were sweating profusely. There was a faint singing voice coming from the long river below the mountain, and it was gradually heard clearly. It turned out that Anu was singing again, and it was exactly the folk song she had been singing all along: "Little girl treats my lover--deep affection, don't you Bereaved girl—a relationship, when you meet her face—treat her well, and when you don’t see her face—you have to worry about it seventeen or eight times a day!"

That song seemed to be engraved on my heart. At this time, I couldn't help but feel agitated when I heard it, and I was speechless for a while. His eyes were as clear as water, so clear, his voice was as soft as the warm April wind, and he said softly, "Listen." I replied in a low voice, "I heard you." His hand stretched forward, almost touching my sleeve.He was so close to me, he said: "I treat you with the same thought." Seeing that I was silent, his face was slightly sad, "The "Jasper Song" you wrote to me that day-I feel so grateful, I am ashamed There is no beauty. I have never been so afraid of this sentence in the whole "Yuefu"."

I raised my face to look at him, and slowly stretched out my white slender hands under the gray Buddhist robes. I have been a vegetarian for a long time, and my hands are so pale, so thin that there are bluish and delicate blood vessels, which flow and reflect the radiance of the sun. I looked directly at him, my frantic heart slowly calmed down, a smile bloomed on my cheeks like a flower, and my voice was as tough as the grass beside the water. Hu is not happy." The evening wind blew the dim robe corners of the Buddha's robe, and a few strands of joy floated in my heart. My love for Xuanqing has always been the dark and surging blood secretly in the veins.But now, Yin Yi has said all the things she wanted to say in her heart, and she just feels unspeakably joyful and relaxed, and just looks at him with a smile on her face.

There was such a gentle and pleasant expression on his face, which was as bright as the brightest sunshine in summer under the gradually darkening sky, and he couldn't help but be happy. My smile overflowed from my heart, overflowing to every inch of my body, hair and skin. He held my hand tightly, couldn't say anything with joy, just looked at me with a smile like that. His hand was so hot and so big, it seemed that my hand was too small to hold. His clean and warm breath filled his side, he suddenly leaned forward, and his face was buried in his lapel.He hugged me tightly, my hair stroked his chin, and he whispered in his ear, "Let's go together."

My heart seemed to be hit by something, and I felt a dull pain, and my nose was sore. Actually I don't know where we can go.I am the abandoned concubine who was expelled from the palace to practice by the emperor's decree, and he is the prince of Jinzhi, who is as elegant as jade.As Jinxi said, "I can't wait to look at the moment". But now listening to him speak so solemnly, I feel comforted and comfortable in my heart.For the distant future, there is also a glimmer of imagination that can be relied on. The mountain wind is whistling in my ears, and the sporadic Impatiens flowers that are just blooming are bright and moving, and they are as beautiful as smoke.He held my hand and walked to the top of the mountain step by step, and looked back at me every step of the way.

He stopped suddenly, spread out my fingers one by one, put each of his fingers into it, and clasped them together.I was slightly puzzled and just looked at him.Xuan Qing's words were tenacious and persistent, and he smiled: "This kind of hand-holding posture is called 'concentric button'. It is said that men and women who hold hands and walk like this will not be separated even if they live or die." There is a feeling of scatteredness in my heart, as if I jumped into the sea, splashing huge and jumping snow-white water, just like my joyful and turbulent mood at the moment.Then when I opened my eyes, I saw clusters of brilliant corals on the bottom of the sea, stretching out in a chic way, and the fish swimming around happily.It's like being in a dream, but you can touch it with your hand.

It's really like a dream!My heart suddenly moved, and I suddenly thought: "Qing, I always feel like I am dreaming. You can bite me or pinch me, okay? Let me know that I am not dreaming." Xuan Qing lowered his head and kissed my nose, then smiled softly and said, "I don't want to part with it." I suddenly felt stupid.Why are you so stupid, even you are ashamed, you have to laugh at yourself.My face was flushed, it was comparable to the burning clouds in the sky when I came last night, the scorching heat burned on my face. He kept smiling softly.He smiled so beautifully, like a clear song in the clouds, resounding through the sky thousands of miles away.My face became hot, and I became more and more unscrupulous.I stared at him and said, "Qing, you look so pretty when you smile." I used to think so, but never dared to admit it.Alas, I am getting more and more stupid when I speak in front of him now, I really have a lot of stupid words. Xuan Qing clasped my hand, smiled lightly and sighed, "My smile is because of you!" It's because of me.However, my sincere smile at this moment is also for him!I felt a little shy, and looked down to see the simplest straw sandals on my feet, stepping on the thick moss, taking joy with each step. Suddenly I remembered that Xuan Ling had given me a pair of shoes when he was favored.The sole is made of vegetable jade, the lining is spices, and the dazzling Hepu Pearl shines on the tip of the shoe.The finely embroidered mandarin duck and lotus embroidered crepe brocade shoe uppers, Shu brocade has always been praised as "beautiful brocade, the color of the river", not to mention the golden embroidered crepe, a hundred women in Shu can only get one piece after three years of embroidering.The price of an inch is worth a bucket of gold.It has never been easy for a woman in the palace to even see it, let alone such a luxury as making shoes. However, the joy and emotion in my heart right now cannot be overcome by such special favor.In my heart, I just feel that such exquisitely embroidered shoes that grow lotuses every step of the way are not as warm as walking hand in hand with a pair of straw sandals. He watched the sunset with me, stroked my hair, and said softly: "It's been a day of walking, are you tired?" There was an involuntary smile on the corners of my eyes and eyebrows, and I said, "I'm not tired." "Then", he said suddenly, "accompany me to Anqi to see the concubine mother." I was stunned for a moment, layers of red clouds appeared on my face, and I said shyly, "How dare I go." He took my hand and said with a smile: "My concubine has always loved you." Seeing me shy, he said, "My concubine is a straightforward person. Besides, Huan'er, you don't know how happy I am when I get you. I was anxious to tell my concubine that your son got the person he wanted most in this world!" I smiled, even though the identity of the concubine is unknown.How can I refuse his joy and kindness.So she lowered her eyebrows and said softly, "Okay." The Anqi Temple is still the same as yesterday, but when I went to see Concubine Shu Gui, my mood was completely different, and there was still a trace of unspeakable nervousness.Knocking on the door, it was Cumulus who came out to open the door. Seeing that Xuanqing and I came together, he couldn't help being surprised and said: "What a coincidence today, the prince and the lady came together." Xuan Qing smiled but did not answer, only said: "Where is the concubine mother?" Cumulus smiled and said, "The concubine has just finished chanting sutras and is drinking tea." It was summer, and the windows in Anqi Temple were open, and it was very cool because of the dense trees around and the cool wind like jade.There are many lotus flowers in the jar in the courtyard, which are small and exquisite, but also very cute. The concubine was sitting cross-legged on the cool couch drinking tea, when she saw us coming, she just waved and smiled and said, "It's just in time, Cumulus has stewed lily soup." She called to Cumulus and brought up two bowls. Xuan Qing said: "Let's salute the mother and concubine first." I bowed profusely, "Toffee is well." I have always been familiar with Anqi Temple, and it is just a common courtesy when we meet each other.Now that I solemnly performed a big gift, Concubine Shu Gui couldn't help being stunned, she just looked at me and said with a smile: "What's the matter today?" Xuan Qing didn't wait for me to get up, and bowed to the end, "Greetings to my mother and concubine." After saying that, he supported me and stood up hand in hand. The concubine suddenly realized, she couldn't help covering her forehead with her hands, and said with a smile on her face: "Okay! Okay! We are finally together." She called Cumulus Yun and said, "Don't take the lily soup, bring red dates and white fungus instead!" I blushed and said in a low voice: "Thank you, Concubine." I lowered my head and said with a smile, "From Concubine's tone just now, she seems to have known about me and Qing..." I was embarrassed, so I stopped talking and only stared at Xuanqing . Xuan Qing hurriedly waved his hands and said, "I didn't say that." The concubine smiled and said: "Qing'er didn't tell me anything. It's just that you played the flute and flute very tacitly that day, and your hearts are in harmony. Is it true that when I am old, I can't see anything? It should be affection Only those who are connected will have a consonance." I blushed and said, "Toffee has good eyesight." The concubine took my hand and let me approach, and said lovingly: "My good boy, I just thought about it that day, but I didn't think that you and I still have such a fate." She smiled and looked at Xuanqing, "Silly boy , didn’t tell me earlier, I only found out now, it’s really hard for me to hide it.” Xuan Qing felt a little embarrassed, gave me a tender look, and said: "This matter has turned around, and it has just been settled. My son hurriedly brought Huan'er over to pay my respects to the concubine mother." The concubine looked at me with joy, "Huan'er, I'll call you that now." Then she sighed and said, "Huan'er, you are a smart boy, I like you very much from the bottom of my heart. I just heard about it a little , you are also a child with a hard life. My Qinger, who left me since she was a child, is also a child with a hard life. He has been looking for a good woman for many years, and he still refuses to get married at this age. As a mother and concubine, I am also worried..." Xuan Qing looked at me and said with a smile: "Mother and concubine can just blame Huan'er. I delayed my marriage. At first, it was just because I refused to let the queen mother and emperor brother arrange my marriage. Later, it was because of her." I smiled and spat: "In front of the concubine, do you have the nerve to talk nonsense like this?" The concubine patted Xuanqing as if, and scolded with a smile: "I'm talking, you're the only one who talks so much." The concubine said to me again: "Just now Qing'er talked too much, but it also made me feel at ease. This child is a person who values ​​affection. Son, he said this, so it can be seen that it has not been a matter of a year or two for you. The two of you have endured a lot of hardships if you want to be together well. From the palace to the outside, you are practicing again. It has been difficult for a long time. Moreover, I am afraid that the road ahead will not be smooth sailing." Xuan Qing glanced at me and said: "Mother Concubine..." The concubine said seriously, "Listen to me first." Then she said to me: "You guys have survived the previous journey, and I am very comforted in my heart. But for the future journey, since you are together Now that my son is gone, I have to go on. Maybe this road is more difficult than the previous road, but I believe that it depends on man's effort, as long as the two of you are in the same heart. Please remember my words well. " The concubine's words were emotional and reasonable, and I recollected every word, and bowed deeply together with Xuanqing. With tears in my eyes, I said with emotion: "Concubine Tai, when I came here just now, I was very scared, afraid that you would not like me. After all, I came out of the palace." The concubine smiled and stroked my hair, and said: "If you say that the three of us came out of the palace, the three of us are connected with Cumulus, who is not from the palace. I know what you care about, but the past is gone, who is not?" What about the past. The Great Zhou was founded for a hundred years, and I have never heard of the abandoned concubine going back. Instead of dying outside the palace, it is better to find a way to let yourself live the life you want. In a hundred years, how many days can you really go well. " I was deeply moved, Xuan Qing put his arms around my shoulders, looked at me and smiled. Coincidentally, red dates and white fungus came over in the clouds, and he muttered to the concubine: "The toffee has the most variety. I think of lilies and red dates and white fungus." Concubine Shu Gui smiled and pushed her away, "Fool, there is a reason for eating red dates and white fungus, just look at them two." Seeing me standing hand in hand with Xuan Qing, Cui Yun said in surprise and joy: "Sure enough, I should eat red dates and white fungus. The concubine is so lucky." The concubine was quite complacent, and said with a smile: "How?" Cui Yun grinned from ear to ear, "My lord has thousands of choices, but he can't decide on a concubine. Sure enough, his eyesight is so good. When the lady came back for the first time, the slaves told the concubine that the lady looks like our lord. To Biren, I never thought that today would come." He hurriedly bowed to me. I felt very ashamed, and hurriedly supported Cumulus and said: "My aunt said so, what can I do?" Xuan Qing said: "What do you think? I always say that you are so good, the mother concubine and aunt must agree." The concubine smiled and said: "The fate between you two is not easy. Qing'er, you have to treat Huan'er well." A round of bright moon shines on the window, and the clear light flows all over the ground. His face seemed to be coated with a bright halo. Xuan Qing said solemnly: "Yes. Even if the concubine mother doesn't tell her, the son will definitely do it." The concubine sighed and said: "I'm really happy today. 'Long Lovesickness' and 'Long Xiangshou' have become a couple again, and I finally lived up to it." The concubine caressed my hand lovingly and said: " Good boy, how rare it is for two people to really like each other, and it is even more difficult to love each other frankly and willingly, so cherish your blessings." I bowed gracefully, "Huan'er will always remember what the concubine said." Coming out of Anqi Temple, Xuanqing looked joyful and said, "Are you relieved now?" I was surprised: "What?" Xuanqing kissed my finger, and said seriously: "I brought you to see Mother Concubine, and told Mother Concubine what we do, because I want you to understand. I treat you not as dewy day and night, but as hope Hold the hand of the son, and grow old together with the son." Hold your hand and grow old with you.How long ago, I was a girl in the boudoir looking at the blue sky and dreaming from the Qian screen window, and I was deeply moved by the words in my heart, as if I opened a window and saw the most beautiful ocean in the vastness of love.I am so obsessed with my "willing to have a person with one heart, never leave each other". Now, I always thought that there was no future for me and him, but I didn't want to. He took me to his mother and said such words to me. The touch in my heart is like countless soft and fragrant cherry blossoms blooming, filling the whole heart brilliantly and crowded.I was on the verge of tears in unbelievable joy. He held my hand tightly on his chest, whispered firmly, "You have to trust me." I nodded vigorously and leaned on his shoulder.With his promise, even if the road ahead is bleak, I can still have a bit of perseverance. After a long silence, I leaned against his chest and said in a low voice, "The concubine is so beautiful." Xuan Qing wondered, "Why do you say that so well?" I smiled and said, "I used to think so, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you." Xuanqing smiled and said: "The beauty of my mother and concubine is not innate. Or in the past when I was in the barbarian, the mother and concubine was just quite beautiful, but not such a style." Seeing my doubts, he explained: "There is only one Only a woman who loves and is loved with all her heart can have such a complexion, which cannot be painted by any makeup. In Da Zhou's harem, Qing dare to assert that the concubine mother is the only woman who has experienced complete love. " I understood, and said: "That's why her eyebrows and eyes, her every frown and smile are so beautiful and tender." That is exactly the imprint of a beautiful love. By the moonlight, Xuanqing walked hand in hand with me, "When I was in the palace, I knew that you were the emperor's concubine, and I couldn't do anything except watch you silently behind you. I was very desperate once, But I also very much hope that your face has the beauty brought by love like my mother and concubine. I hope that Brother Huang can give you such beauty. But apart from sadness and scheming, I have never seen such an expression on your face Huan'er, among the few times we met in the palace, how many times did you really feel happy. Every time I see you wanting to cry without tears, do you know how distressed I am?" Xuan Qing Gently stroking my eyebrows with his fingers, he said solemnly: "Now, with this opportunity, I must let you be loved wholeheartedly." I shook his fingers and said softly, "I also treat you like this with all my heart." Xuan Qing smiled warmly, I just felt that the affection was so deep that even the moonlight was tainted with sweetness. Before going to bed that night, there was no more struggling and conflicting thoughts, and I just lay down peacefully on my pillow.It was the afternoon of the next day when I woke up from a full sleep, the summer sun was clear and golden, passing through thin strands of green bamboo curtains, like a soft gauze winding on the ground, one thick and one light. I lazily opened my eyes, and my whole body seemed to be floating in a dream.After sleeping for a long time, there is a sense of damp sweat on my body, and someone is fanning in a trance, and the cool breeze is blowing slowly. When I opened my eyes, it was Jinxi who smiled and said, "My lady wakes up like a newborn." Is it like a new life? In such a lonely and pure mountain time, I used to recite the scriptures day and night, resisting the unbearable memory and pain in my heart like a trapped animal, and even my mood was so dark that it was cloudy and dark.However, his understanding and understanding, and only because of his understanding and understanding, can the claustrophobic heart be able to open up to the sky, leaking into countless clear lights outside the sky. For countless days and nights, the entanglement of memory was mixed with Xuanling's heartlessness, Lingrong's betrayal, the queen's hypocrisy, and the sleeping little face of the moon at the end, accompanied by An Lingrong's chuckle quietly in my ear—— "It can't be saved!" Haunted in my dream together, fragmented blood and collapse meandered into a river. I woke up from my dreams countless times, thinking of my father and elder brother far away in the north and south, the weak Yu Yao, the young Yu Rao, the elderly mother, the sister-in-law who died tragically in prison, and the infant Zhi Ning, I hate I had to clenched my fist with all my strength, and I broke off one section after another of my extremely long nails. The crisp "click" sound followed me like a shadow, like the sound of death and unrequited pain of hatred, like a ghost. One inch was stuck in my heart, and I almost wanted to die. It forced me to be disheartened, and I was like a dying candle. If there is no Xuanqing, maybe I will just sink in this way, sinking in the inescapable pain and desolation brought by the memory and the past, sinking in the boundless white waves of time, just sinking silently like this In the end, I don't know how many years have passed, and I am depressed to death. I could only recite Buddhist scriptures and quatrains of the Buddha's mantra desperately, transcribe them sentence by sentence, and try my best to suppress my restless and restless thoughts in the curling sandalwood and the Buddhist voice chanted by Qunni.Just like a trapped beast under the unanimous attack of all armies, the wolf rushes to the ground, and there is always no way to escape. I thought that if I escaped from the palace and lived in a Buddhist temple, listening to the evening drum and morning bell, I might be able to escape my powerlessness and rest my resentment and sorrow in peace.However, I can't hide from the world, and I can't hide from my heart still immersed in the world. I will eventually have nowhere to go in the endless singing of the Sanskrit. If it wasn't for Qing, if it wasn't for Qing's magnanimous love and understanding, I might really have come to that day.His admiration and understanding, and the affection he gave me, are the best medicine to appease sorrow and quell hatred. I used to search for a good medicine to heal my heart, my emotion and my life.In Xinghua Tianying, she always thought that she had found it, but what she greeted with joy was a cold blow of defection. But it turned out that after such a long time, I didn't know.Xuanqing, the love he tolerates and waits for is my good medicine. Missed that kind of time, missed so many people, countless swords, lights, swords, and Fendai Xiuluo under the shroud of red walls, blue tiles, glazed emerald green shadows.I finally found him, and he finally waited for me.Forget the joys and sorrows, hold hands and look at each other. Finally, there is also today. I hold the mirror and look at it, and my eyes are as bright as the moon, and I look forward to them with spirit.The mind of the whole person seemed to come alive. Huanbi leaned against the door, looked at me from a distance, and said with a faint smile, "People are in good spirits on happy occasions. Sure enough, the long-cherished wish of the prince and lady has been fulfilled, and everyone is happy." She turned her head to look at me. Looking at the sun shining brightly, I raised my head and squinted my eyes slightly, and said lightly: "As long as you are all happy and happy, I have nothing else to ask for." In fact, if you look carefully, Huanbi's eyebrows and eyes are very similar to mine.If you don't look carefully, the backs of Xuan Qing and Xuan Ling are somewhat similar.After all, they are brothers. Occasionally, in the day and night of my deep affection with Xuan Qing, I thought of Xuan Ling. It's just that now, when the past or the traces of pain or sweetness slowly fade out of my life in the affectionate relationship with Xuanqing, I will ask myself before falling into a dream, how much did I treat Xuanling in the past? sincere? In fact, I also understand that aside from the original sincerity, I often plot against him. What's more, after this kind of sincerity gradually looks like a dead end, our mutual suspicion and precautions have become more and more intense. So is such a heart considered pure sincerity? It's just that I treat him with a little more heart than others. But now, he is really far away from my life, separated from the world of mortals.Aside from Xuanqing, Fangruo is the only one who occasionally comes here with the sluggish aura of the palace. In fact, since I moved to Lingyun Peak to live alone in the meditation room, Fangruo seldom comes. It has been three years since I left the palace. After June of this year, Fang Ruo came to see me again, but she did not take away the Buddhist scriptures I copied.That was the last time she came to see me, her expression was calm and a little sad, "It's been almost three years since the time has passed, and the time has passed so quickly." She said slowly: "The people in the palace who are worried about the lady have no time to take care of me. The lady is gone, and I will not pay attention to the lady anymore. The lady is safe from now on, so there is no need for slaves to come here often." I was surprised, and reluctantly said, "Aunt Fangruo, why do you say that? Even without them staring at me, you can always come and see me." Fangruo caressed my shoulder lovingly and said: "The servants came here to wake them up for the Empress Dowager, don't act rashly. Now their minds are no longer on the lady, if the servants come again, it will only make the lady too conspicuous, and it will be counterproductive .” I was puzzled and said, "Why does Auntie say that? Are they really not caring about me anymore?" "It's absolutely true," Fang Ruo said with emotion: "One is because it's been a long time, and the other is that the draft has passed on the second day of this month, and the five newcomers have already entered the palace to Cheng En, and they can't take care of their thoughts." I looked at Fang Ruo's new white hair on the sideburns, and thought of all the care she had taken for me over the years, and I was very grateful.I leaned on Fangruo's lap and said: "My aunt has taken care of me for many years, it has been really hard work. From now on, my aunt will not be able to visit me again. I have a heartless request. I just hope that my aunt can take care of me in the palace." Ozuki and Sister Meizhuang, I feel at ease." There were tears in Fangruo's eyes, and she said: "You don't need to tell me about this matter, the servants will do it with all their strength. Just don't worry, my lady." Fangruo looked worried, "It's just a newcomer entering the palace. From now on, there will be constant turmoil." I asked, "Is there anything wrong with the rare newcomers?" "When a newcomer enters the palace, there will always be some disturbances." Fang Ruo patted my hand kindly, "Young lady will be a free person from now on, take care of yourself." I stood by the door, looking at Fang Ruo's back, thinking of all the care and care she had shown me since she was selected into the palace, I couldn't help but feel sore.But now, even she is not here, and my connection with Zi Ao City has been broken again.