Chapter 6 Chapter 6: The Strings Are Broken and No One Listens

I wholeheartedly seek good, but also to take care of.As Jinxi and Huanbi expected, my health gradually improved, and I gradually gained some appetite, and I was able to get up and go for a good walk.I began to face the wall chanting sutras and doing labor every day.When I have a little free time, I will bury my head and copy Buddhist scriptures carefully day and night.I only hope that the true meaning of the Buddhist scriptures can alleviate my heart disease that still occurs from time to time.During this numbness, after copying the "Diamond Sutra" and "Yan Leng Sutra", after copying each scripture three times, I raised my eyes and stared at myself. Sure enough, the eyes were clear and many distracting thoughts were removed, but they were also empty. Nothing left.

I carefully copied the Buddhist scriptures one by one, the thick black ink, as if my thick unwillingness and grievances were all written into the boundless mantra of Buddhism to calm my hostility and discouragement. The Queen Mother has exhausted all her pains for me. I must copy the Buddhist scriptures with my own hands and let Fangruo come to pick them up every month, in order to ensure that I am alive, so that I can live safely month after month, with my limbs intact, healthy, and free from disease and disaster. Fangruo's monthly arrival did not relieve my hard work much.It's just that on the day she comes, I will be allowed to rest for a day by Jingbai.

Huanbi asked me: "Miss worked hard, why didn't you tell Aunt Fangruo, ask her to uphold justice, or tell the abbot." I lowered my head and carefully starched the clothes, and only said lightly: "If I tell the abbot, the abbot will definitely plead with Jingbai for me. But I belong to Jingbai after all. If she agrees verbally and plots behind the scenes, I will even ask for it with great difficulty." The peace I got is gone. And tell Fangruo, if Fangruo goes back, she will definitely tell the queen mother. Although the queen mother is the queen's aunt, she is dedicated to taking care of me and the moon, so why bother her. And the palace There are so many people talking, if it gets to the Queen and An Lingrong's ears, I don't know how much right and wrong will be caused."

I have said everything I can say.However, there is another meaning that I can't say.As soon as I left the palace, those who failed to put me to death naturally refused to let me go easily, because I was afraid that there were countless pairs of eyes from the palace staring at me, whether I knew it or not.The Empress Dowager asked Fang Ruo to come and ask me to copy Buddhist scriptures every month and take them home. This is also the meaning, for fear that someone will plot against me.Jingbai was not resentful of my background and experience, and made things difficult for me.So today, if they see me so desolate and withered and lingering in the eyes of those people, and if I suffer more, they will feel more at ease in their hearts, and they will relax a little more about my obscurity.Everything in the world is intertwined, and as a mother, there is only so much I can do for Ozuki.

And every time Fangruo comes, I just ask a few words, "How is Meizhuang? How is Yunyue?" If Fangruo didn't want to say more, she occasionally answered a few sentences, which were also simple words, and she never said in detail.I knew she had her difficulties, so I didn't make things difficult for her, I just asked her these two sentences after meeting her. After asking too many questions, Fang Ruo also laughed, "Is it always just these two that my lady cares about?" Without thinking, I said, "Yes." Fang Ruo pondered slightly, with a smile still in his eyes, "The Empress Dowager asked me to visit my wife every month, and I am very concerned about her. Doesn't the lady ask how the Queen Mother is doing?"

I said lightly: "Sister Mei is safe in the palace relying on the Empress Dowager's love and care. If Sister Mei is well, then the Queen Mother must be safe and sound, so don't ask. And every time my aunt comes here, there is no worry between her brows, so you can tell that the Queen Mother is safe." Everything is fine." Fangruo nodded and said: "My lady's intelligence is not weaker than before." She smiled, "Then Emperor Wuyue has to be raised and taken care of by the concubine Jing, and the lady doesn't greet the concubine Jing?" It was snowing heavily outside the window, like rubbing cotton and pulling wadding. I leaned against the window and watched the snowflakes indifferently.Said: "No need. She won Di Ji, she has been depended on for life, and she will love her like life. Besides, if I greet her, won't others pay more attention to her, and put her in danger instead?" I smiled slowly: "In the future Concubine Jing is smart, so she will be able to protect herself and Di Ji as well. You always say that Di Ji is very smart and cute, so if you think Concubine Jing can live a comfortable and stable life, you can raise Di Ji well like this."

Fangruo thought for a moment, "Then what about the emperor? Does the lady not care at all?" My eyebrows frowned suddenly, and I quickly felt that it was not worth frowning for Xuan Ling.So I relaxed my expression, Xueguang was cold and forced, and the coldness was also reflected in my tone, cold and harsh, "If there is a national mourning, the world will know it, don't wait for aunt to tell." I'm cursing him to death!Such cold and poisonous words came out of my mouth, and even I was taken aback. Is my resentment towards him so deep? Sure enough, Jinxi was so frightened that she hurriedly covered my mouth, "Is my lady confused?"

Fang Ruo stared at me for a moment, slowly shook her head, and said: "Lady, I'm sorry for your persuasive words, but you can't let go of your resentment because you are actually sad." I don't turn around, just turn a deaf ear, stare out the window, my eyes are cold, I almost want to see how the surging wind outside is surging. Fang Ruo's words still penetrated into my ears, "In October, there are quite a few people who can catch the eyes of the emperor. A total of eighteen concubines were selected, which is the largest number of people selected since the emperor took power." She Slightly pondering, he exchanged glances with Jinxi, and finally said, "The young masters selected this time are all families of middle-level officials, neither too prominent nor too humble. Moreover, they are all young. , not one over the age of fifteen."

Fifteen, I happened to be fifteen years old when I entered the palace, as delicate and soft as a flower.Now, I am also twenty. Compared with such young concubines, my appearance and age are slowly fading.How can it be compared with their youthful health and bright beauty? I sneered slightly, if I remember correctly, Xuan Ling is already thirty after the new year. He is a king, so his beauty is always so good, and he can always enjoy the endless youth of others. The Empress Chang Xuanling was two years old. Facing such young and tender women, even if her eyebrows were soaring and her cheeks were full of brilliance, she might not be able to do what she wanted.

And Fangruo's voice seemed to be talking about a very common and unimportant thing, and said: "It's the queen, the queen insists that the emperor choose more young women to enter the court." I was slightly taken aback, Fangruo continued to say: " The queen said that the concubines in the palace are getting older, so it is better to choose some young and sensible newcomers, who are healthy in body and mind, so that they can give birth to an heir for the royal family." I was a little surprised, but soon understood the queen's intentions.The coldness in the palm of his hand invaded his lungs at that moment, exuding a deep coolness.

The younger the girl, the more she is raised in her boudoir, the less scheming she is.Even if he has all the love and pity of the king, how can he compete with the mind of a woman in power who has lived in the deep palace for a long time? In the end, he can only fight a trapped beast in her hands.Moreover, he was born in a middle-level official, so he naturally didn't have the kindness and knowledge brought up by a thousand-gold family, so he would have less chance of becoming a dignitary.As for the emperor's heir, it is still unknown whether he will be born. As for a woman as cautious and scheming as An Lingrong who came from a lowly family background, the queen would definitely not allow a second one to appear. So a young woman with an ordinary lintel entering the palace is the most suitable for her. As for Xuan Ling, as long as she is beautiful, as long as she is delicate, as long as she is gentle, he will not reject her. So Fangruo's words just verified my conjecture, "The emperor likes the little lords who entered the palace this time. Although the status is not high, most of them are in the positions of permanent presence and beauties. I don't know who will get the high position in the end." Who, all of this is unknown. It's just that these young masters seem to have an equal share." Evenly divided, that is to say, he likes everyone, and everyone is equal. Also, he circled in the gentle village of clothes, fragrance and temples, hugging left and right, enjoying the tenderness and charm of fresh women.As for me, the painting hall is locked in the Chuiyang courtyard, the rain beats the pear blossoms and the door is closed, wrapped in black clothes and Sanskrit sounds alone, enjoying the loneliness and desolation that I should endure.Each in the end of the world, each irrelevant. The snowflakes are scattered one after another, as if in the late spring, the beauty leaning on the courtyard alone, sees the snow-white catkins flying by quietly, the east wind rolls evenly, with little fluffy white, like random flowers passing through the garden, like a soft rain falling. The vast snow.But it is such a warm season, the spring clothes are thin, and occasionally I raise my eyes, like a half-curtain of fragrant mist, and people are lazy and casual. But now, the snowflakes are scattered like late spring flying catkins all over the sky, but it is so cold, like youth and white hair, making people feel desolate.Slow words came out of my mouth slowly, "As long as the people I want are safe and healthy, what do other people and things have to do with me?" I handed over all the Buddhist scriptures I copied in the past month to Fang. Ruo, issued an order to evict guests: "It's hard to travel in heavy snow, I'm afraid it will delay the time to return to the palace, aunt, please go back." Fang Ruo didn't feel disobedient in the slightest, but said with a smile, "It's better for the maidservant to go back earlier, since King Qinghe was reprimanded for pleading with the emperor for the matter of Zhen's family, the emperor has ordered him to go to the old capital of Beijing to relax his mind at the end of October. However, you are not allowed to return to Beijing without an edict. Now, except for the concubines above the noble concubines in the palace, princes and concubines, only the King of Pingyang is the only one who comes to pay her respects to the queen mother. The queen mother is also often idle and bored. A lot of servants are here to serve you." I was startled, and immediately said: "King Qinghe has left the capital?" She was slightly surprised by my reaction, and said gently: "Don't you know, my lady? It is for King Qinghe to write a letter about the Zhen family. King Qinghe doesn't care about political affairs. Although King Runan has contributed a lot, he also follows Runan The pacification of Wang's matter was quickly kept out of the matter, and he never said a word. Now he is writing a letter about the Zhen family's matter, probably because he knew the lady's elder brother Zhen Heng quite well when he pacified the Runan king. After all, the grievance of the lady's family is There are so many reasons for 'unnecessary'!" It was as if the skin was scratched by a very thin and sharp blade. At first, it didn't feel pain. Seeing the wound open, revealing white and light red flesh, and seeing blood gushing out, the pain suddenly started. In Shangjing, Xuanqing, because of my family, he got involved in the troublesome political affairs that he least wanted to be involved in, and was expelled to Shangjing. This had nothing to do with him in the first place. Before my tears fell, my resentment towards Xuan Ling finally deepened.Even Fangruo understands the truth of "unnecessary", and even Xuanqing offered to help, why is he still going his own way? Fang Ruo seemed to understand what was on my mind, and said softly: "The matter of King Runan has become a big taboo in the emperor's heart. It was not long after the peace was settled, and the matter of the Zhen family was brought up again. How can the emperor be insensitive? And the emperor's words, even if The mistake has already been made, and there is no way to persuade it for a while. Moreover, the people around the emperor now will only blindly accuse Zhen's family of crimes and add insult to injury. The adults in the officialdom are the best at it." Fangruo sighed, "Even if Zhen The family can avenge their grievances, but the whole life of the lady can only sink in the Ganlu Temple, and there is no chance of returning to the palace." My boredom and annoyance surged out, "Even if I have to carry eight sedan chairs to take me back, I would rather spend the rest of my life here." My words are as firm as broken blades clanging to the ground, breaking in two.Fang Ruo was speechless, silent for a moment, and had no choice but to leave. I saw Fangruo's figure disappear into the ice and snow, and whispered softly: "Long lovesickness." Huanbi didn't hear clearly for a while, and asked, "What?" I said gently: "Where is 'Sauvignon Blanc'?" I haven't played the piano for a long time.Even if you only carry "Sauvignon Blanc" out of the forbidden area of ​​the palace, you may not be in the mood to fiddle with the strings for a long time.Asking this suddenly, Huanbi was a little happy, and hurriedly held it out, saying: "It's still there. It's just contaminated with a little dust, just wipe it off." I took a soft cloth and wiped it gently with gestures.The familiar "Long Lovesickness", which once accompanied me in countless sleepless nights of joy or sorrow among the red walls of the palace, has resolved how many unspeakable emotions I have. These days, it's not that I really don't want to play "Sauvignon Blanc" anymore, nor have I forgotten it because of my daily toil.I just, I just dare not, dare not think of the old days engraved in the singing strings on the strings of Sauvignon Blanc, those bits and pieces of the past that record my time in the palace.How can the high wall of temporary peace and numbness that I obtained by reciting scriptures and mantras every day withstand the impact and surge of the past, so easily destroy the high wall and submerge me.How much I don't want to touch those past events. However, the moment Cai Fangruo talked about Xuan Qing, he did everything for my family.During the days when I came to Ganlu Temple, apart from the yearning for my father and brother, the resentment towards Xuan Ling and my efforts to forget, I hardly thought of any man. Fangruo's words reminded me of the warmth and comfort that someone once gave me in the deep courtyard of Ziao City, the corner of the promenade where pear blossoms were like snow in the deep palace, and the moon was full like a hook. Fingers plucked the strings aimlessly, and between low eyebrows and hands, the melody like beads was circling and dripping, but the melody was also empty, like a long sigh with a long tail.The sadness and joy in my heart were blurred in an instant, and it became confused and desolate. Outside the door, there was a pine tree, and the snow was independent, but the green color could not be covered by ice and snow. Shangjing is far away in the north, six or seven hundred miles away from Kyoto, and it is the old capital of the Great Zhou Dynasty.The Northland, compared to my practice in the suburbs of Beijing, is even colder.In a trance, as if the pine tree was his lonely figure, holding the purple flute of "Long Xiangshou", slightly looking up at the moon, and chatting with me with stretched brows. However, the sound of my piano is no longer what it used to be, and people can't turn back.My life, even if there is no way forward, I can only move forward. He is his noble prince, married like a flower, and hides in a place where gold is sold; I live alone beside the blue lantern Buddha statue, accompanied by prayer beads and scriptures, and die alone. His mind was like a surging tide, and his gestures lost strength for a moment.With a hard hook, there was a crack of "Zheng", and the sound of the piano stopped hoarsely.I looked around, there was a vast expanse of white snow, suddenly there was a vast smile on the corner of my mouth, and I wanted to give Yaoqin my thoughts.Few bosom friends, who will listen to broken strings! In the end, except for myself, no one will listen to the strings. The string of "Long Lovesickness" is broken, so there is no need to love it anymore.I slowly fell down on the piano and closed my eyes slumped.