Chapter 104 Chapter 103

After talking to Yao Xiaoping about Huang Hai and Zhuoyue, Shi Yan felt "debt-free and light-hearted".Indeed, as the father of her child, Zhuo Liang should take care of her as much as possible. How could he leave her alone and leave her alone for ten and a half months?He sent the altar of gas only because he had extra gas, otherwise he would not have thought of it on her head. You see, he was reluctant to send her the altar of gas he used for bathing. ?This time, maybe it was because Xiao Fan heard his bragging and wanted to eat sauerkraut fish, so he brought Xiao Fan here to taste her cooking under the banner of delivering gas.

It's the same for Huang Hai, if Xiao Fu agrees to go to "Dongdong" to hold a wedding, will he still have time to come to D City?If Xiao Fu's whole family warmly welcomes him to stay in City F for the Spring Festival, will he still refuse the invitation of his parents-in-law for her?If his face hadn't been damaged, how could he still think of her, a woman who was pregnant with someone else's child?He must have fallen into the arms of other women long ago.Who knows if his first love is real or not?Since she foolishly said first that she was brooding over his first love, of course he went ahead and said that it wasn't his first love.

So, I really don't need to be grateful for their diligence, let alone feel like I owe them a debt, weighing heavily in my heart, always thinking about how to repay it. But along with that feeling of being "debt free," comes the feeling of "loveless and empty."This made her a little discouraged. It turns out that life is so bleak! No one really loves you, and they only "follow the next best thing" if they can't find a better one, so everyone is "secondary". For the perfect "good" in other people's minds, you can only be a "time".And what you can find is not the perfect "good" in your mind, but also a "time".The so-called love is just a "time match", if two "times" are matched, and you have never met someone who is not good, then this "secondary match" is relatively stable; if unfortunately you meet a person who is not good, then " "Second times" is about to be subverted.

She was very dissatisfied with this "substandard" feeling, and wished that Huang Hai would go for plastic surgery now and turn him into a handsome man, so as to find out whether he loved her because he was not handsome and no one wanted her, or He does love her. She thought about it seven times, eight times, thinking of herself in a dead end.If Huang Hai is ugly and she is not ugly, she has no way of knowing whether Huang Hai really loves her; if she is ugly and Huang Hai is not ugly, Huang Hai does not know whether she really loves him; They don't really love themselves; if neither of them is ugly, it's useless, and they are still "secondary matches", because the other party must have had a more perfect ideal lover in his mind.

Fortunately, Huang Hai chased her very closely, so that her wild thoughts would not develop to the point of severing her emotions with a knife.In the place where she lived, there was a canteen at the corner of the street, which also operated pay phones, but generally they didn't page.Before Huang Hai left, he went to make a good relationship with a kid named Xiao Ming in that family, and said that if Xiao Ming helped Shi Yan answer the phone, he would give him two yuan for each call. Xiao Ming valued the two dollars very much, and when he got a phone call, he would call Shi Yan. Sometimes he was too aggressive, and Huang Hai didn't call, but Xiao Ming also came to call, and asked her for money after calling.When she went to answer the phone, she found that there was no one at all, so she had to revise the regulations, stating that she would not pay until she verified that it was Huang Hai who called.Only after the introduction of this policy did Xiao Ming stop the unhealthy trend of lying about military information.

Huang Hai has quite a lot of phone calls. He made a call at the railway station in city D, and also made a call when he transferred to city E. After returning to city F, he just got off the train and made another call. Big A, before he had time to take a shower and eat, he ran to the pay phone booth and called again.Although she ran to the street several times in two days, she was very happy. She liked the lingering and caring in these small details, and felt that only in this way could it be the taste of loving and being loved. After listening to Yao Xiaoping's words, she was always uneasy, worried that after being trained by her, Huang Hai would open his eyes and would share the same bed with his crazy wife from now on.She found that she was really depraved. Not only did she use some derogatory terms to refer to the second person like the general third person, but she also tried her best to detect whether the first person and the second person were together.

She always waited until after eleven o'clock in the evening before running to the street corner in the dark to call Huang Hai. She always called his laboratory first, and then called his dormitory if he was not there.If he's not in either place, it means he's gone to his crazy wife. She called Huang Hai twice in three nights, and both times she was picked up by Huang Hai as soon as she got to the laboratory.She sweet-talked him a few words and then asked, "You—are you alone in the lab? She's not there?" "Who? Xiaofu? She only goes to work for half a day, why is she still here now?"

"Why don't you-go home-go to rest earlier?" She deliberately emphasized the word "go home". "I'm reviewing English here, it's quiet here—it's very noisy in the dormitory—" She heard that there was a lot of noise in his dormitory, and she was very happy, knowing that he still lived with someone else, not with his crazy wife.But when she heard that he was reviewing English, she was a little sad. She knew that he was preparing for going abroad, that is, preparing for his crazy wife. When he was ready, he was going abroad and would make his crazy wife take it out.She said sadly: "Then you should study hard, I won't disturb you—"

"Yan'er, are you okay? Why does it sound like—the mood is not so high?" She confessed, "It's not that high. I'm calling this to see if you're - are you - with her - and to hear you're not - I'm high. But listen Seeing you—saying that you are reviewing English, thinking that you are going—to go abroad with her—the mood is not high—am I—bored? Why should I care about you?" He smiled softly and said: "It's not boring, it's very interesting. I like it when you control me, it shows that you care about me. That time you asked me to talk to her—what—that's called—boring— —But I said boring—meaning meaningless—saying that—meaningless—just hurts my heart—makes me feel like you don't care about me. Yan'er, I won't be with her, I don't love her, I only love you. Remember the words on the rock I gave you? That's what I wanted to say to you—"

She was very moved after hearing this, and originally wanted to reply in the same way, but there was an outsider next to her, and she couldn't say it, so she simply said: "Me too." Every time she made a phone call, she was very happy, as if eating honey, her heart was sweet.If it wasn't for the heavy belly, she would have jumped home. In addition to making phone calls, the two of them also resumed the habit of communicating, but now they don't talk about frivolous things like before, they are all very fringe things.Her previous correspondence with Huang Hai, she burned after she came back from "Dongdongguai" last summer vacation, not because she was afraid that Zhuo Liang would be jealous if she saw it, because there was no jealousy in those letters, and she hadn't met Zhuo Liang at that time The ability to be jealous, she just felt that the page had been turned, and she burned those letters in order to welcome a new chapter in her life.

She also confessed this to Huang Hai, and made a self-examination, but Huang Hai said that it would be best to burn it, because those letters were all evidence of his cleverness and self-defeating.Huang Hai said: "Let's start our first love now. I will write to you one by one the words behind my letters, the words that I wanted to say but dared not say at the time. You are pregnant with a child and you need to rest more. Just write back to me with a long story, and just say 'I have received the letter, I have read it, and I like it'." So they started their first love.She didn't expect her first love to start with a big belly, but her big belly didn't prevent her from falling into her first love at all, and even added a topic to her first love, because at least half of the phone calls and letters between the two of them were Talking about the arc of her pot belly and the life under that arc. She would go to the school porter every day to see if she had any letters of her own, and if she had any, she happily ran home with the letters in her arms to read them, and if she didn't have any, she would take out the letters she had read to review.His handwriting is still so beautiful, even if it is a long speech, he is not sloppy, every word is so beautiful.And his words are so beautiful, she likes every word. Yao Xiaoping's eyes naturally didn't let go of her unconcealable joy, and teased her, "Still so illusory?" "What is illusory?" "You are here, he is there, you can't see, you can't touch, you can only make phone calls and write letters at most, it's not empty indistinct? " "It's not illusory at all, I can hear voices, and I can see black letters on white paper—" "It seems that Huang Hai still has a few brushes, his face is so difficult, and he can still fascinate married young women—" "You are also a young woman, if he comes to Mini, can he charm you?" "I'm a practical person. If he doesn't have that hole in his face, I know I'm not good enough for him, so I don't want to make that kind of hope; Thinking in that direction, so—I won’t be fascinated by him anyway—” The sweet days passed for a while, and one day Huang Hai said to her worriedly: "Yan'er, pay her a little——" "Why?" She had already guessed something, and asked worriedly, "Did you ask her for a divorce?" He faltered and said: "Actually, I didn't mention it to her - I only told her - her father - her father is a professor in our school - I asked Professor Fu to do it in due course - Appropriate way——Convey what I mean—to his daughter—I don’t know how he conveyed it—Xiaofu didn’t come to work the next day—I was worried—Called her home— —I just found out that she—the old disease relapsed—the doctor gave her a full rest certificate—" This was the result she was most worried about, but it just happened. She confessed with a heavy heart: "Then you must not add pressure to her now—" He sighed: "When will this matter come to an end?" After a moment of silence, he said again, "I only blame myself—Yan'er—I'm sorry—I shouldn't—to make such a decision hastily —I thought—I never thought that you and I—were—impossible—" She also reviewed: "I should be blamed—I shouldn't be in such a hurry—you should stop forcing her—you should fulfill your own promise—to send her abroad—" "But she's like this--it's harder to go abroad--get rid of--" Yao Xiaoping heard her talk about this, and said firmly: "I expected it to be like this a long time ago! This is a common trick used by married men. Have you ever seen a married man openly marrying them for the sake of a third party? His wife got divorced? They were procrastinating, hanging on both sides. As long as his lover didn’t force him with a knife around his neck, he would be happy to enjoy the blessings of everyone. As for the reasons for not divorcing, there are only a few reasons: The child is still young, so I can’t live without a father, and the parents are not in good health, so they can’t stand the blow of their son’s divorce. This reason of your Huang Hai is not the first in history. A man has used it long ago, and his wife is mentally ill. Hey, if you mention divorce, you will die or live. I can't let people die without saving them. Tch, what did he do long ago? If he was really so kind and humanitarian, he wouldn't have provoked this vixen at all. , either to be kind to his wife wholeheartedly, or to be kind to you wholeheartedly—” She defended Huang Hai and said: "The main reason why he married Xiaofu was because I was married to Zhuoyue at that time—" "That's a coincidence! Didn't you say that he had the idea of ​​marrying 'Pork Belly' long before that? Did you marry Zhuoyou then?" She was overwhelmed by the question, and hesitated for a while before saying: "Maybe at that time he felt that he was not good enough for me—" "Then why does he feel worthy of you again now? Let me tell you, men are all the same, and they all want to have wives and concubines in groups. They have to accept monogamy, but they are thinking about restoring monogamy all the time." In polygamy, men can cheat as many women as they can, as long as they don’t wear gangs—” Yao Xiaoping analyzed, “Didn’t you say that Xiaofu’s father is a professor at University A? He must have the right to go abroad. That's why Huang Hai flattered him so much, willing to marry his crazy daughter—" She felt that this statement was untenable: "If Xiaofu's father holds the quota to go abroad, then why can't his daughter go abroad by herself, and has to rely on Huang Hai?" Yao Xiaoping has a ready-made answer to this: "Some professors' children are actually very stupid. Their parents are too smart and take up all the wisdom accumulated by their ancestors. When they reach their children's generation, they will be stupid. Such things as opening the back door are common in China. It works, but can it work for you in the United States? Will they admit you to American universities? Can you survive in the United States? Professor Fu can’t say to send his daughter to the United States to be a street girl, right? And Huang Hai It’s different, he was already smart, and after finding such a father-in-law, when he went abroad, he just wanted to ‘catch something in his crotch—handle it firmly’. Maybe he stayed in school because of this back door—” She couldn't help but said, "Why do you always call——men so bad?" "Men are just that bad." "What about rigor?" "He has his bad ways."