Chapter 32 Chapter Thirty-Two

The famous female writer Yi Shu once said through the mouth of the heroine in her famous novel: "I only hope to have a lot of love. If I don't have a lot of love, I need a lot of money. At least I still have health." But people's hearts are never satisfied. After I married Weng Hong Kong merchant, I have a lot of money, but what I long for day and night in my heart is to have more and more love. Husband pays more attention to profit than parting, and he always spends more time in Hong Kong than in Shanghai.I stayed in Shanghai alone to guard the big house, no amount of dreams could fill the lonely space.

I don’t need a job, my job is to spend money, go shopping, do beauty treatments, and make bubble tea in one day. Today and tomorrow, my spirit and thoughts become more and more dull in the boredom, until I met him—— Ji Zhuo. I met Ji Zhuo at the "Teaching You How to Be a Good Wife" family lecture held by Mrs. Sun.Of course I don’t need to cook, I’ve never touched sun water with my ten fingers, and I’m afraid of worrying about flower arranging. So excitedly went to listen to the ghost lecture. Mrs. Sun's lectures are prepared for those housewives who already have a fairly "foundation", which is really profound to me.So I just spent my time looking at all kinds of people who came to class. I always felt that every dull-eyed woman around me had a dirty tablecloth smell, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in my heart. , At this time, my eyes received a group of slightly mocking messages from the corner. I must have been stunned, and unexpectedly found that the person sitting there was actually a rather handsome man.

He was well-dressed and his hair was neatly trimmed and ironed. Sitting among a large group of makeup and skirts, he looked so discordant. I couldn't help but smile slightly, and bravely looked back. We talked during recess, and he said his name was Ji Zhuo, and he was a special assistant to the boss of a big company.Because his wife is sick, he has to take care of all the housework, and his wife is very picky about "eating", so he has to come here to learn art. Nowadays, there are not many men who are willing to accommodate their wives like this. I can't help but envy him. What kind of happy little woman is a beautiful wife who has never met before?

When asked about me, I simply answered: "I'm interested." Then I complained that the lectures were difficult, and I couldn't understand so many terms, such as "slow fire" and "explosive pot".He laughed, showing a row of neat teeth, and replied that he could help me with my tuition. The acquaintance was so strange and simple. A week later, he appeared at my home and cooked a very sumptuous dinner. I yelled and yelled at the side to help, but I accidentally hurt my finger with a fishbone , he cleaned me carefully and wiped it off gently, but he still held my hand and refused to let it go. I twitched it but didn't take it back, so I let him hold it and lowered my head shyly.

After a while, I heard a small voice saying: "Your husband, you are really a blessed man." I shook my head and said, "If I could choose, I would rather marry an ordinary worker, as long as he really loves me and loves me." Even if I get a serious illness, I am willing." His eyes darkened, and he sighed and said, "If you are a child, would it be fun for you to treat it as if you were sick? It's like me, who suffered from polio once when I was a child, and then it was so easy. It was cured, but her actions were not as flexible as normal people, but her temper was more stubborn than ordinary people. When she first got married, she wanted to take her skiing, but she collided with others and couldn't avoid it and broke her legs. She has been paralyzed for more than two years, and even her husband and wife life can't be harmonious, so what's the use of me pity her?"

I was stunned, it turned out that there was such a hidden pain in his heart, so I couldn't help stretching out my hand to stroke his hair gently, and said softly: "She must like it in her heart when you treat her like this. Once it gets better, it will get better slowly." He didn't speak, just lowered his head and kissed my fingers lightly one by one, his hot lips rubbed against my cold fingertips, and there was actually a slight tingling pain, again and again, It hurts all the time. I suddenly burst into tears for no reason, and snuggled deeply into his arms... From then on, I became Ji Zhuo's lover, and my love for him became hotter day by day. I spent the money my husband gave me without hesitation on Ji, buying him gold-plated watches, famous brand suits, and even big diamond rings .

I regarded him as my Buddha, and I knelt at his feet three times and kowtowed nine times. Even when I learned how to cook, I fumbled for hours to make a dish or two, just to make him smile. But as I became more and more obsessed, he became more and more indifferent, until a year later when I decided to give up everything to stay with him for the rest of my life, he declared coldly that he loved his wife, He is not going to divorce with me, our relationship should be over here. I don't believe it, and I'm even more unwilling. I love him so much, and even deliberately avoid his intimacy when I return to Shanghai in order to be loyal to this love. This has caused my husband to be dissatisfied many times. How can he abandon me?

I paged him again and again, but when he disappeared, I stopped him on the way he must pass.He avoided him, but I was insane, and I had to see him. His love was everything in this world. To this day, I can no longer live alone without him. I wrote him a ten-page love letter, vowing to be the most docile wife in the world when I was with him, and I would do anything for him as long as he wanted. But he simply answered two lines: "Emotion and reason, I choose the latter, forget the past, and don't look for me again." However, a woman's heart is too hot, like a red-hot iron plate, when a bucket of ice water is poured on it, it will be scorched dry at once, and the mist will dissipate, but the obsession is still obsessed with madness.

This kind of burning is too much to subsidize in a lifetime. Dressed in white, I stood in front of Ji’s door at midnight, pressing the doorbell tenaciously, repeatedly, as if his hot lips kissed my fingertips in the old days, and the slight pain pierced my heart. . Shensi flew far away, but he didn't know what night, where or where.When Ji Zhuo finally came to open the door, I stood at the door and laughed in a trance, and then there was a drip. Ji's face was livid, and she let me into the room, and the big girl looked at me quietly from the head of the bed, a big pink blanket covered her knees, making her look so complete, so natural, which further accentuated her Redundancy and abruptness of me as an outsider.

I stood blankly, tears fell silently and endlessly, my whole body seemed to be hollowed out, there was no place for me here, the other end of the bed was reserved for Ji, Ji belonged here, but Me, what about me? Ji has occupied the entire space of my heart, but I can't ask for a place in his life. What kind of embarrassment? ! I didn't make a sound, and went straight to the bed, took off my shoes and climbed onto the bed, took half of the blanket from Ji's wife and covered myself. I dozed off next to Ji's wife, freeing up the other end of my body. That night, I just lay awake between the two of them for the whole night, until Ling Fang fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was already broad daylight, and Ji's wife was sitting on the head of the bed as I prepared yesterday, on her knees. Looking at me quietly under the pink blanket, the other side of my body is empty.

Seeing my searching eyes, Ji's wife said calmly: "He has gone to work, my father doesn't like employees being late." "Your father?" I repeated blankly. Ji's wife's voice was still as calm as a lake: "It's Ji Zhuo's boss, and Ji Zhuo is my father's special assistant." I looked at her with wide eyes, my mind was buzzing, and a thought gradually became clear, but I was unwilling to admit it.However, Ji's wife's cold voice tore through the fog to reveal the ugliest truth: "Ji will never leave me, whether it is for love or not." Not for love, then what is it for?Ji Yi is dignified, why would he marry a woman who has suffered from polio? I returned to my empty home like a dead man, feeling that the luxurious mansion was emptier than ever. I used to think that Ji loved me deeply, but in the end he hurt me deeply and abandoned me like a weed. In despair, I thought he still loved his wife after all, but it turned out to be a beautiful misunderstanding. Love, no matter Ji wife or I, is only used by him to satisfy his carnal desires, to pursue fame and fortune, but he himself refuses to give a single bit of true love. I crushed my self-esteem and burned my life to love deeply, but unexpectedly He is the most despicable, trivial and shameless villain. I sighed and fell on the bed, because of despair, humiliation, and sinking, I picked up the fruit knife on the bedside table, and cut deeply and deeply on my wrist, a sharp pain came, and I thought of Ji again. Zhuo's hot lips kissed the heartbeat of my fingertips, and there seemed to be bursts of bells ringing in the distance, I cut myself one by one, and my mind gradually drifted away... After an unknown period of time, I heard someone calling my name anxiously in my ear, it was my husband. The strong smell of formalin around me made me understand that I was in the hospital.Oh, I once wanted to commit suicide, but I was saved again, and, besides, my husband came back.What did he know, man? I moved slightly.But I deliberately didn't open my eyes, feeling really disturbed in my heart.Unexpectedly, my husband held my injured hand tightly and said to himself: "Are you awake? Are you awake? It's all my fault. I'm sorry for making you wronged. I looked at your Diary, I never thought you would be so sad, I will never leave you again, let you stay in Shanghai alone..." journal?I froze, thinking of the diary in the drawer, and quickly recalled it carefully.It was full of my resentment and weariness of living alone after marriage, and I even expressed some thoughts of life-weariness angrily, but after I met Ji Zhuo, because I had a guilty conscience, I never kept a diary. By the way, There is not a single word about Ji Zhuo in the diary. My assertive husband must have misunderstood him, thinking that I committed suicide because he was away for many years and was unbearably lonely. I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. Worst of all, I could start all over again—I'm almost grateful to God for his generosity. I gently opened my eyes and held my husband's hand: "In the future, don't leave me again, okay?" "Don't leave again" is of course a child's word. After that, although my husband was very considerate to me for a while, he soon returned to his old ways and went to his "serious business", but I would not complain about depression or make up love.Loved, hated, died, and came back to life, but that’s what happened, whether it’s true or not, that’s all I’ve experienced. I didn’t go to that Mrs. Sun’s lecture again, but I signed up to be a writer class in a certain university Auditor, because I know that only by constantly enriching myself can I not continue to sink into emptiness and mediocrity, and I will never be a golden bird in a golden cage that can't sing.