Chapter 5 Chapter Five The Benefits of Accepting Me
After a lot of struggle, I was already sweating profusely, and I had little strength left for the final resistance.Despair spread in a large area in my heart, and finally soaked my whole body. My body trembled like fallen leaves in the autumn wind, my teeth chattered unceasingly, and tears flowed down my face. How did I get to such a humiliated situation today?
"If you do this, I will hate you, I will hate you..." I choked up with a trembling voice.
"If you want to hate it, hate it! I can choose any woman I am interested in!"
He didn't take pity on me, I lost all hope, let him manipulate me numbly, bit my lip tightly to force myself not to make a sound.
When the sky was slightly bright, King Quan Yu stood up and straightened his dragon robe. I lay on the ground with disheveled hair, and my eyes were swollen and painful after crying all night, but the tears still flowed down the corners of my eyes, and the blanket was wet.
He took my obscene clothes scattered beside me and wiped off the stains on my body, then picked me up, carefully put me on the bed, and covered me with the quilt.
He stared at me, and then brushed the wet hair from my forehead to my ears, his movements were much gentler, completely different from the roughness of last night.It's just that he treated me like this, and for some reason, my tears became more serious.
He stood up and turned his back to me. The bright yellow dragon robe looked so dazzling to me, and the dragon dance on that dress also looked particularly ferocious and terrifying.
After tossing all night, he seemed a little tired, but he felt satisfied.Before leaving, he said to me majestically: "I want you, you are nothing but my woman."
He's gone, leaving behind a mess of clothes to remind me of what happened last night.
Facing such shame and humiliation, I no longer have any greed for life. I just thought that my daughter would be alone in this palace with no one to take care of her, but she couldn't let her go. I'm afraid King Quan Yu also expected this.
My strength was completely overdrawn, my body was dizzy and heavy, and I fell asleep unconsciously while crying.
When I woke up, candles were lit in the room, and it was already pitch black outside. I was horrified to find that the person sitting next to me was actually King Quan Yu, but this time he changed into a royal blue tuanlong uniform, and his hands were straight. He rested on my cheek, looking at me softly.
"I've been looking at you for a while, you slept really deeply, are you so tired?" he asked.
I got up and shrank to the side, trying to stay as far away from him as possible. Although I tried my best not to show it on the surface, I was actually full of fear in my heart. It turned out that I was so weak and small as a woman when I lost my power.
"You go, I hate you, I don't want to see you again." I hate you, I remember saying this to him when I was a child.
His smile disappeared, maybe my indifferent attitude made him unhappy, he stretched out his hand to grab my little foot and gently stroked it, instead he said evilly: "But you should know what I'm here for, your body is so bad It really makes men ecstasy... No wonder Father is so partial to you. I was busy with political affairs, but today I have been absent-minded, and all I can think about is what you looked like last night..."
He deliberately said these explicit words to humiliate me. I was ashamed and angry, so I pulled the brocade quilt around me and moved to the side of the bed, intending to escape.But it was futile, he easily stopped me and dragged me back to bed.
He tore off the thin quilt, and I was presented in front of him naked.
I screamed and ran away, but there was nowhere to hide.He hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear: "Close to me, if you stick to me, you won't be able to see your body."
So I stuck to his robe, and I don't know why he subdued me obediently with such a little trick.
He sighed softly, "Nu Xi, how cute you are."
My face couldn't help turning red because of his words on this inappropriate occasion.
He lifts my chin and kisses down my neck a little bit.Unlike yesterday's eagerness, today's kiss was slow and orderly, as if everything was under his control.
It wasn't that sad, and gradually my body felt the pleasure of being touched, but my heart was always cold and repulsive, and I found the right opportunity to escape again.
But he saw through it easily, so he grabbed my hands and clasped them behind his back, and wrapped his other around my waist.
I was so ashamed of such a provocative posture, so I somehow became weak and begged him: "Please don't do this, it's better to let me die..."
He turned my face to let me look at him. Seeing my flushed face, he looked confused, his Adam's apple rolled, and his voice changed a little: "You look so good now... haven't you done this before, um ?”
I turned my head away and didn't dare to look at him, and I didn't know how to answer his words. Just such a few times of deliberately humiliating, I didn't even dare to think about who I was, so he let me go.
He paused behind, and then slowly merged the two into one.My humiliation has not diminished.
He breathed heavily and pleasantly from behind, and murmured: "Nu Xi Nu Xi, shouldn't we have done this a long time ago... This makes you mine."
"No, please, don't do this...it's a shame..." I begged him, because this has greatly surpassed what I can bear psychologically, and it is really better to die.
Only then did he bring me back under him, and while he was being happy, he stroked my face with his big hand and coaxed me: "What's the matter... Slave, feel me, feel your happiness."
After he finished speaking, he caressed me gently, and when he saw me biting my lip, he opened my lips and teeth with his fingers, and poured out an involuntary moan.At that moment, I knew that I was completely defeated. Although my heart was still unwilling, my body betrayed me first.
"I, want to see my daughter..." That is all that can support me to live.
"Okay, okay, accept me, and I will give you everything back." He replied with uneven breathing.
I knew what he was referring to, the hand that had subconsciously resisted his placing on his chest trembled slightly, and finally dropped powerlessly...
He seemed to feel pity for me, his movements softened, he bent down and kissed me lightly.
"Actually," he said hesitantly, "I did this because I like you."
I shook my head sadly with tears in my eyes, "I don't believe it, if you love me, how could you force me...you just hate me, and I hate you too."
His eyes darkened, and he lowered his head in a demonstrative way as he took possession of me hard, until finally he became more and more frantic.I was hit by him like a dilapidated doll. Although my heart gave up my body, I still dodged unconsciously. Finally, I was forced to the edge of the bed with my head hanging down, and my long hair was messily wrapped around my arms.
What caught my eye was a pure white magnolia flower inserted in a crystal bottle on the table, which bloomed quietly at midnight.
The fragrance filled the air, filling the room with fragrance.
I can finally see my daughter.
When Jiuzhen was brought over, she froze for a moment, then threw herself into my arms and burst into tears.
I haven't seen my mother for more than a month, and what's more, such a major accident happened, how disturbed this child must be... Thinking of the current situation of our mother and daughter, I hugged Jiuzhen tightly and burst into tears.
The mother and daughter hugged each other quietly and cried for a while. I wiped away the tears, and also the tears from Jiuzhen's little face, and asked her, "Daughter, how have you been this month?"
Jiuzhen shook her head, "My queen, you are sick, and Jiuzhen ignored you no matter what she called you... Later, she somehow refused to let the child come to see you. Except for the nanny, I don't know where the maids who served me have gone. The newcomer treats me very harshly... My queen, Jiuzhen didn't make a single new dress for a month, and the food I brought didn't suit my taste. My queen, what's going on here, brother Fu'er is the emperor, they How dare you do this to me?"
The young Jiuzhen still doesn't know what this political upheaval means. She can only feel the difference from the past in her daily food and clothing.
I pulled Jiuzhen into my arms again, kissed her hair and said distressedly: "With the queen mother here, no one dares to bully you."
Jiuzhen nodded, raised her head and begged me with innocent eyes: "Mother, the daughters of those court ladies don't like it, can you bring back the ones who served me before?"
I didn't know how to answer it for a while. This request is not difficult, but for me today, this question is very sad.Silly Jiuzhen, do you still think the mother queen is still the former empress dowager?
My eyes were red again, but I still cheered up and promised Jiuzhen: "Let the queen mother figure out a way."
In the afternoon, I went to find the courtiers who served Zhu Yu in Fengyi Palace before, and wanted to learn something from them. If I don't find out about the deaths of Zhuan Fu and Zhu Yu, I won't feel at ease for a day.
They hesitated and hawed at the beginning, and it was not until I spoke harshly that someone in the palace revealed that Zhu Yu and Zhuan Ming were having an affair, and even a palace lady accidentally ran into them playing the piano together in a small pavilion, but I didn't find anything wrong with them, so I didn't dare to talk nonsense, and I was afraid that I would be killed if I found out, so I didn't want to go into this muddy water.
I remembered how I used to be like a fool, trying to persuade Zhuan Fu to treat Zhu Yu better.
I thought of Zhuan Fu being pregnant, how I taught Zhuan Fu earnestly and earnestly, telling him to take care of Zhu Yu's mother and child more, but Zhuan Fu remained silent at that time.
Maybe he had discovered the adultery between them a long time ago, and I was still educating him endlessly, how sad did Zhuan Fu listen to what I said?
In the moment of knowing the truth, I felt immense sadness, to myself.I thought I knew everything well, I thought I was great considering the overall situation, but I made Zhuan Fu so unhappy, and even led to his final tragedy.
When King Quan Yu came that night, he was a little surprised to see me sitting on a chair and not falling asleep. He put me on his lap, lifted my chin and asked, "Your eye circles are red, what's wrong?"
I turned my head away and ignored him.
He didn't continue to ask, and reached out to untie my clothes.
I numbly let him explain, thinking that he came here to do that kind of thing.
After taking off my clothes, he put me on the bed, took off his dragon boots and robe, put down the layers of curtains beside the bed and got on the bed.However, this time he didn't press straight over like the previous few times, he just lay on my side and hugged me, encircling me in his arms.
Rubbing my slender shoulders with his big hands, he said wearily, "Go to sleep, I am exhausted today."
Didn't you bring it on yourself? I wanted to tell him so bitterly, but I didn't say it in the end.I looked up at him, he closed his eyes and meditated, but his brows were furrowed, as if a layer of indelible heaviness was condensing, it seemed that he was really tired.
He smelled of chinan as usual.Even after so many days, I have never had a good look at him.
The outline of his face is still clear, his thick and thick eyebrows like a sword reveal a kind of inherent domineering, his strong nose symbolizes his vigorous energy, but his eyes seem to have added some traces of time.
At this time, he suddenly opened his eyes and looked at me, his eyes were piercing, as if revealing a kind of affection.I couldn't dodge in time, but my eyes met each other.
He leaned closer to me and kissed my forehead lightly.
"I'll take care of you," he said.
I didn't answer, just closed my eyes and curled up slightly.
Zhuan Fu's last temple name was Yin Xiaozong, that's what I told King Quan Yu, I think the word "filial piety" is the best interpretation of Emperor Zhuan Fu's career.
It's just, why, when I think of that child again, those memories that I thought had become the deepest pain, slowly emerged one after another...
In that year, I became the youngest empress dowager, and before Zhuan Fu was unable to take power alone, I began to listen to the government behind the curtain.
"Zuo Cheng (the fourth rank) of Nangong Yushangshu, Pushe (the second rank) of Jiannan Palace Jianshangshu Pushe (the second rank), Mingzhong Shusheren (the fifth rank) of Nangong Palace, and Shaoquan general as a young craftsman (the fourth rank), Promoted to Shaowei's Secretary Cheng (from the fifth rank), promoted to the Daoyuan Military Weapons Supervisor (the fourth rank)... promoted to Duan Guoyi, the heir to the prefecture (from the fifth rank)..."
I was listening expressionlessly to the officials below to ask for this year's personnel transfer. When I heard Dan Chengsi's name, my hands froze, and then I brushed the last bit of fish food in my hand onto the crystal as if nothing had happened. In the tank, I saw two fiery red tuttail fish coming to compete for food. The fat goldfish was aggressive, and the thinner fish had to be pushed aside and left timidly and lonely.
I snorted coldly, then turned my head to look at the Minister of the Ministry of Officials who was kneeling below, and the jade bead pendant on my head shook slightly.
I narrowed my eyes and said in a flat tone, "Oh? Dan Chengsi, what achievements has he made this year?"
Xu Shi, Minister of the Ministry of Officials, had a bad premonition in his heart, and stammered back: "Dan Chengsi, Dan Chengsi, he was devoted to his duties when he was the captain of Guoyi (the sixth rank) in the Zhongfu, and he was considerate and sympathetic to the corporal, so Promoted to the upper house..."
I laughed when I heard this, and said, "It's just empty words to say that you are dedicated to your duties, and you are sympathetic to the corporal. The reason why he was promoted is because...his surname is light?" At the end, I emphasized my tone and repeated: " But because he has the same surname as Aijia?"
The Minister of the Ministry of Officials lowered his head all of a sudden, not daring to vent his anger.
"From the point of view of the Ai family," I continued, "the Ai family thinks that Dan Chengsi is frivolous and has no political achievements. He should be moved to Zhaowu Xiaowei."
The Minister of the Ministry of Officials was shocked, and looked up at me in surprise, trying to find out what was in my eyes, trying to figure out what my intention was to lower my younger brother with the same surname from a regular sixth-rank one to a sixth-rank scattered official.But he couldn't see it, couldn't see it through, my eyes were calm and calm, as if talking about the most irrelevant person.
He could only lower his head again, and replied in a deep voice, "I know."
I nodded in satisfaction, and then ordered him a few more words before letting him back down.
The Minister of the Ministry of Officials bowed, facing me, lowered his head and stepped back step by step. When he reached the door and was about to turn to leave, he bumped into Zhuan Fu who was about to enter.
Shocked, the Minister of the Ministry of Officials greeted Ann hurriedly, saying "Good luck, Your Majesty".
Zhuan Fu waved his hand casually to tell him to back off, and he walked in with great strides.
Zhuan Fu is seventeen years old this year, with a handsome face and elegant demeanor. He wore a black dragon robe with twelve chapters when he went hunting today, with a golden dragon sachet and a yellow-brown dragon pendant hanging around his waist, making his figure even taller and slender. Very manly.
After he came in, he called "Queen Mother" in a hurry, and walked quickly to me.
I pulled him to sit beside me, and took out the handkerchief in my sleeve to wipe the fine beads of sweat on his forehead. There was unconcealable love in his brows and eyes, and it turned out that someone who wasn't my own could care and love so much.
I ordered Chu Zi to serve tea for Zhuan Fu, then turned my head and asked with concern: "Emperor, how is your hunting today?"
Zhuan Fu took the tea served by Chu Zi and drank it in one gulp. He sighed comfortably, but felt a little sad when he heard my question, and said in a low voice, "I only got one antelope, one sika deer and two deer today." Hare……"
I was a little puzzled, "Oh, the emperor is good at archery, why isn't he happy?"
Zhuan Fu replied with some embarrassment: "But my son, I don't fight as much as Mingzhe..."
I couldn't help laughing secretly when I heard this, Mingzhe was Zhuan Fu's companion when he was a child, this child has a more straightforward personality, and he doesn't secretly yield to the emperor in everything like others, but it can't be said that it is a bad thing to have such a person by the emperor's side.
I got up slowly, and Zhuan Fu hurriedly stepped forward to help me, and I said, "Fu'er, your majesty, you may not be able to do everything the best. And it is very possible that you may not be able to do everything well." well done."
"If this is the case, how can we govern the world and make people believe it?"
"As an emperor, as long as you can control two words well - that is slaves."
Looking at Zhuan Fu's puzzled eyes, I explained: "Slave the ministers, slaves to the world. Let them feel that you are their master, a high-ranking person who they should serve faithfully. It doesn't matter if you can't write poetry, you will naturally be talented It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to hunt, there will naturally be the bravest hunters who will offer you delicious game. As long as you control their hearts, people will do their jobs, and you don’t have to do everything yourself. Naturally someone is willing to serve you..."
Zhuan Fu nodded thoughtfully, and finally asked: "But the Queen Mother, how can you control people's hearts?"
I sighed softly, "Using moral character, using methods, and giving both kindness and power, but this is not something that can be explained clearly in a few words. People's hearts are unpredictable. I am afraid that the deepest thing in this world is people's hearts. From now on, the emperor, you will slowly get rid of it." You can taste the meaning of it.”
Shanshan is over forty years old.
I looked at her who had grown gray hair early, and I couldn't help feeling sad.She who is not suitable for intrigue lives in this palace, and has been afraid of me for so many years. Although she is now the highest-ranking female official in this palace and enjoys the unparalleled power and luxury in this palace with me, but I don’t know why her His eyes are always filled with indelible sadness and melancholy.
I took her hand, which was no longer delicate, and asked her in a cheerful tone: "Shan, your birthday is coming, what birthday present do you want?"
Looking at me kindly and affectionately, he smiled kindly and said, "Miss, what birthday does this old slave celebrate as a servant...don't disturb this old slave."
I replied angrily: "Who said you are a servant? Who dares to think that you are a servant, whoever offends you offends me..."
When Shan Shan smiled, some wrinkles appeared on his face.She gently stroked my face with her hand, and softly reproached me: "Look at you, you still look like a child..."
I bent down and hugged her slowly, lying in Shanshan's arms like when I was a child, smelling the faint fragrance of her body, my heart seemed to be moored in a quiet harbor, so peaceful.
I slowly closed my eyes, and said silently in my heart, Shan, you are like my mother.
"Miss, what's the matter with you?" There was a worried voice from above.
I shook my head in her arms, then stood up and looked at her and said naughtyly: "But Shan, I have prepared a gift for you, I think you will like it." After I finished speaking, I clapped my hands , said to the outside: "Bring them in."
As soon as the words were finished, I saw Cusi opened the door curtain and led a dozen people in.
The group of people entered the door with their heads down, and they were brought to me by Cussia and knelt down in front of Shanshan. They said "the empress dowager is blessed and safe", and they knelt on the ground and dared not raise their heads, which showed that they were very restrained and nervous.
Although they were carefully decorated and neatly dressed, they still couldn't hide a simple country atmosphere, and they were clearly not from the palace.Shanshan looked at me suspiciously and asked me silently.
I ordered those people: "You all raise your heads." Then I looked at Shanshan, pointed at them and said, "Shanshan, look at who they are?"
Shanshan looked at my pointing, with doubts and puzzles in her eyes, but after a while she let out a low "ah" and then covered her mouth, that mixed feeling of surprise and joy Nothing to say.
The person kneeling in front had the skinny and dark face of a farmer in the countryside. He was the first to call out "Elder Sister!" Then there were voices of "Sister", "Auntie" and "Auntie" from behind.
Shanshan turned her head to look at me, her eyes were a little moist.I thought the rest of the time should be reserved for their family reunion, so I got up and said to Shanshan: "Shan, you guys have a good talk, let them have dinner before leaving the palace."
After hearing this, Shanshan got up quickly, knelt down and thanked her gratefully.
I hurriedly pulled up Shanshan's old body and shook my head at her.Shan, you don't have to be so polite to me all the time.You have served me by my side for so many years, it is time for me to repay you.
I went to visit Shanshan in the evening, and she had already prepared hot milk for me.After drinking it, I felt much better, and then I tilted my head and asked her, "Shan, are you happy today? What did you talk about?"
Shanshan was in a trance for a moment, bowed his head and murmured: "It's all lies to say that you miss me so much..."
I can feel the bitterness in her words, but Shanshan is different from me, she is a person who values family affection, no matter how much her family betrays her, but I know she still misses them very much, and I am very happy to see them from the bottom of my heart.
I pursed my lips and said, "I think they are telling the truth. After all, they are your relatives. The one kneeling at the front today is your eldest brother, right? I heard that he is farming in Tongyi County." Then let him work in Tongyi County. And your second brother, you might as well find a job in the Yamen. Your third brother used to be a butcher, that's not a decent job, let me think about it What suits him...Of course, if they do well in the future, I can continue to promote them..."
Shanshan was a little apprehensive, shook her head and said: "Miss, they are all countrymen. They have spent their whole lives in the farmland and don't even know a single word. Don't praise them when they are officials."
"Good, I can still afford to reward an official."
Shanshan suddenly fell silent, looked up at me as if she had a thousand words in her chest, she opened her mouth for a long time and finally spoke: "Miss, in this case, please give your kindness and gift to Dan Cheng How about heir? After all, he is the only male line of the Dan family, after all, he is the only son of the general, after all, he is..."
"That's enough, stop talking!" I didn't expect to mention Dan Chengsi in a good manner, my face became extremely ugly, I got up suddenly, and interrupted her roughly.
Shanshan was stunned, but finally said that sentence: "He is your younger brother after all..."
My face suddenly turned pale, and the hands under the sleeves were clenched and trembling uncontrollably.
"Shan, why? That man is sorry for you, and also for my mother! Why do you still care about that man and protect his son? What does his son have to do with you?! He is not your son!"
Shan Shan froze for a moment, then tremblingly came to take my hand, and begged: "Miss, please don't do this, after all he has half the same blood as yours..."
I looked down at my wrist and said excitedly: "I hate this blood! That half of the blood is not glory, it brings me only cruelty and hatred. I hate my sister, I hate Dan Chengsi, I hate everything related to that man! I want to take revenge, take revenge on everyone who is related to Danshi!"
Shanshan trembled and slumped powerlessly on the ground, tears streaming down her face.
"Miss, why can't you think about it, it's over... the grievances of the previous generation, Dan Chengsi is innocent. Don't you have the heart to see the last blood of the general ruined in your hands like this... "
I didn't help Shanshan up this time, but looked down at her and said clearly: "I just want Danshi to be ruined in my hands. I want to appreciate how Danshi is being manipulated by me and gradually declines. I want Let the descendants of the Dan family be reduced to the most humble poor in Dayin, and then I will laugh, laughing loudly with the joy of revenge... His faults must be borne by his descendants, if you want to hate, you should hate him in the past. Why? That to me. Well, Shan, I was happy, and I don't want to hear about him from you again."
After I finished speaking, I turned and left indifferently. Behind me was the sound of Shanshan crying softly. I paused, but I didn't turn around to comfort her after all.When I returned to the Hall of Qinzheng, there was the memorial of personnel transfer revised by the Minister of the Ministry of Officials on the table.I slowly opened the booklet, for some reason the first thing I saw was Dan Chengsi's name.I looked at it for a long time, and finally reached out to pick up the jade seal, and printed it heavily.
I looked at the memorials piled up as high as a hill in front of me, and suddenly thought of the late emperor, my husband.I remember that every time he came to Qinzheng Hall, he would raise his head from such high-level memorials and smile at me gently.His eyebrows stretched slightly, but for a moment he couldn't get rid of the solemnity of just reviewing the important state affairs.I think of his exhaustion, no matter how I feel about him, but I can't deny that he is a good emperor who is diligent and caring for the people.Now that I am in such a position, I know how insignificant and ridiculous it is to care about every detail and fight openly and secretly among women in the harem.
To the emperor, women are so insignificant, since they can have an overview of the world's major events, how could they not be aware of the little tricks between women?It's just that he was too lazy to pursue it, or didn't bother to ask.
Sometimes I think, maybe the first emperor had noticed my little thoughts long ago?Perceive my ambition and all my posturing.Maybe I acted like a bad clown in front of him, and he played the scene with me with all his tolerance and gave me the best ending.I often shudder at the thought.
Although I have never been taught how to govern such a huge country, I am trying my best to maintain it on its own track and promote its development, although the state affairs are much more complicated and serious than the trivial matters of the harem, drought, flood, irrigation , civil engineering, household registration, taxation, rebellion and bribery, embezzlement and perverting the law, various cases that cannot be resolved in various places or that evade responsibility and shirk to superiors... In short, natural disasters and man-made disasters emerge in endlessly.
But for me, it's nothing more than moving something called "insight" or "calculation" from the harem to the court.I don't know much, so I am thirsty for talents, and only talents are used.I used my insight to gather all kinds of virtuous people around me. They discussed and had different opinions in the court. I weighed the pros and cons in my heart and made the final decision.I calculated those ministers with ulterior motives and made them work for me.Their forces are intertwined, each running for their own interests, and I want to find a balance between them, check each other, and ensure that the imperial power is supreme and unshakable.
Maybe it sounds not difficult, and Dayin seems to be a stable and peaceful scene, but I know that my nerves are tense all the time, I stare deeply into other people's eyes, trying to see everyone's eyes go with your heart.Although I am only twenty-five years old, in the prime of my life as a woman, no matter what clothes I wear, I always have to add a solemn color.Embroidered on the back of my robe is a golden phoenix spreading its wings, covering my entire back. Although it is not as ferocious as a dragon dancing its claws, its eyes always reveal a kind of arrogance and sacredness, which is nothing more than to cover up my femininity. His body looks dignified and inviolable.
I am writing and reviewing one memorial after another, writing "yes" or "no", and occasionally writing down my own opinions. The number of words is not many, but I always have to think carefully.I frowned and thought, with a dignified expression, and suddenly felt like a man.
I was startled, put down my pen hastily, and stood up all of a sudden.
Chu Zi, who was serving me next to me, was about to serve me tea, but I bumped into her and let out an exclamation. Before I had time to ask, I had already run out to Eryu Palace.
I ran into the palace, already a little out of breath. Ruyi who was cleaning up and others were startled when they saw me coming back suddenly, but I waved to them and said, "You all go down."
They looked at each other in blank dismay, but didn't ask any more questions, they all stopped what they were doing and bowed their heads and retreated one after another.
I hurried to a red sandalwood cabinet, opened it, and rummaged around for something.After a long time, I finally pulled out a gauze gown with goose yellow and red pomegranate flowers from the bottom layer.I squinted my eyes to see the cheerful and bright colors, and thought to myself, I haven't worn them in a long time.
I walked up to the tall bronze mirror and slowly took off my dark purple robe, revealing a large piece of white skin under my neck and smooth and delicate arms.I was a little nervous holding the dress, my breathing was uneven, and my chest under the corset was heaving up and down.I slowly put on the gauze robe, and the person in the mirror suddenly came alive, with a graceful figure and a slender waist, as bright and beautiful as a twenty-eighth girl.I was stunned, and stretched out my hand to confirm. The person in the mirror also stretched out his hand at the same time, touching fingertips, and I couldn't help smiling childishly.
I picked a blooming rhododendron from the water bottle next to me, and put it on the top of my hair. The color was bright red and gorgeous. I turned sideways to admire my reflection in the mirror from various angles. In a flash, I seemed to be transformed into a beautiful woman again. , carefree woman.
I was just admiring it by myself, when I suddenly heard a voice behind me, I turned my head and found Zhuan Fu standing at the door wearing a royal blue dragon robe.
He was in a daze, and it took him a long time to react and blurt out: "Mother, you look really good in this dress."
My face was a little red, so I lowered my face to hide my embarrassment, "The emperor can't make fun of his elders like this."
Zhuan Fu came over and said half seriously and half coquettishly: "My queen, my son is telling the truth."
I didn't want to get entangled in this matter, so I tried my best to pretend to be natural, took off the azaleas on my head, took off the pomegranate gauze, picked up the phoenix robe on the ground and put it on. Changed back to the powerful empress dowager.
I sat down slowly, and asked Zhuan Fu gently, "Is there anything the emperor wants to do with Ai's family?"
Zhuan Fu smiled and said, "I just had a sudden inspiration and composed a new piece of music. I want to ask my mother to listen to it."
Zhuan Fu is a child who likes music quite a lot and has some talent, which is a good thing, but it is better not to let him get too addicted.
I was so worried in my heart, but I didn't say it, I just nodded.
Zhuan Fu ordered the palace men to fetch the guqin, tuned the strings, and bowed his head to play.
His hands were slender and white, and his demeanor was leisurely and carefree, and beautiful notes were slowly flowing out.
At the end of the song, he raised his head and asked me impatiently, "What do you think, Queen Mother?"
I smiled slightly, clapped my hands and praised: "The tune is like flowing clouds and flowing water. It makes people feel good after listening to it." Then I thought about it, and suggested: "Just dial up two notes at the climax, and the sound of the piano is clanging. Not necessarily interesting."
Zhuan Fu became interested, so he pushed the qin to me, took out the emerald flute from his bosom, and said, "I hope the empress can teach you a thing or two."
We played the sonata together, stopping from time to time to discuss and revise.
At this moment, a palace official came in to report that Nangong Ming had something to play.
Nangong Ming is my mother's biological younger brother, so he should be my uncle.This year I promoted him to be an internal servant, did he come here specially to thank you this time?Thinking this way in my heart, I asked Ruyi to put away the piano, flattened her sleeves and sat upright.Zhuan Fu also put the jade flute in his arms and sat beside me.
Nan Gongming entered the room, bowed and kowtowed to Zhuan Fu and me, "Long live the empress dowager! Long live the emperor!"
The previous dynasties originally only shouted long live to the emperor, but later Zhuan Fu said: "If I am blessed to live forever, my mother and queen should at least enjoy ten thousand years with me." To show the same honor.
"Get up. I don't know why the nephew came here before?" Because he is a relative of my own, I should speak to him in a more friendly tone.
Nan Gongming stood up and said with joy and excitement: "Empress Dowager, Your Majesty, a few purple lucidum grew on the root of a dead tree in the side courtyard of the servant's house today. This is a good sign! It symbolizes the succession of the new emperor." , the destiny belongs, the country is prosperous!"
"Really?!" As soon as I heard the interest, I quickly put down the tea in my hand and asked.
Nan Gongming nodded and replied: "I dare not lie to the Empress Dowager and the Emperor. Everything I said is true. The Empress Dowager will send someone to the minister's mansion to find out."
I nodded slightly, and my heart was full of joy for this auspicious omen, because it can increase the prestige of the emperor as the destiny.
"I must go and take a look at such a strange event." I turned my head and told Ju Si, "Go down and let the Qintian Supervisor check to see which day is suitable for traveling in the next few days."
After a while, Ju Si came back, lowered her eyebrows and replied: "If you go back to the Empress Dowager, Qin Tianjian said that it will be suitable to go out in two days."
"Then it will be fine in two days. It happens that Ai's family hasn't been out of the palace for a long time. It can also be used as a visit to your house to observe the life of the courtiers. Just don't waste extravagance and keep everything simple." I stood up and walked to Nangong Ming commanded in front of him.
Nangong Ming repeatedly nodded yes, but after I finished speaking, he looked up at the emperor again, and asked respectfully and carefully: "I wonder if the emperor will also visit the minister's mansion?"
Zhuan Fu didn't know what he was thinking about, and unconsciously rubbed his hand on the jade flute. When he heard Nan Gongming's question, he was a little dazed.
I thought Nan Gongming meant that he hoped that Zhuan Fu would also go, so he turned to Zhuan Fu and said, "The emperor is always confined in the palace, why don't you accompany Ai's family out of the palace to have a look?"
Zhuan Fu didn't think too deeply, he nodded obediently and agreed.
A gleam of joy flashed across Nangong Ming's eyes.
Although I have been told not to be extravagant, on the day I visited Nangong Mansion in person, I could still see that the inside and outside of the mansion had been carefully decorated, decorated with lanterns and festoons, and it was magnificent.
The vermilion bricks and tiles, the sharp corners, the neat buildings, the winding painted corridors, the green and quiet artificial lake, the wind, the lotus and the willows, although not as majestic and solemn as the imperial palace, it has all the internal organs and is not lost. luxury.
While watching, I turned around and joked to Nan Gongming: "The residence of Neigeshi is not inferior to the imperial palace..."
Nangong Ming followed carefully, understood what I meant, smiled embarrassedly, and replied in a low voice: "The empress dowager has given the prize. Besides, the Nangong family never had such honors before, and now it all depends on the empress dowager's great blessing." ..."
I smiled and said nothing more, turned my head to look at the white geese floating on the lake.
一行人被南宫明带领着进了一个小偏院，偏院有些阴暗，小小的庭院中长着一棵粗壮的老树，枯黑的枝丫伸展着，只是树上孤零零的，不见半点叶片。
南宫明解释道：“这棵树以前开得好好的，前年不知怎么就不开花结果了，然后整棵树也枯死了。本来打算今年砍掉的，结果突然发现树根下竟长了这几株紫芝，这正是天降祥瑞，佑我大胤啊……”
众人低头看去，果见几只蘑菇似的小东西，长的有七八寸，短的有四五寸，茎叶紫色，便是古人常说的瑞草了。
四下不免咄咄称奇，交口称叹一番。
我的心情很好，当场令史官将此吉瑞之兆载入史册，并命颇有才气的翰林学士顾曾作赋一首明日呈现，另外随行大臣皆有赏赐，真是皆大欢喜。
不知不觉已近黄昏，南宫府高挂起了灯笼，举行盛大的晚宴。
我与颛福居上首位，下面在座除了高官近臣便是南宫氏的族人。
在我持政后，我对舅家南宫氏、大姨家邵氏、二姨家于氏格外用心提拔，在朝廷重要的位置都有所安排，族内最高官级可至二品，显赫一时。我之所以这样做固然有亲情的成分在，但南宫掌权也可以对我形成依托之势，这是我不能不考虑的一点。我让颛福来此也是希望他能多亲近南宫氏，与南宫氏形成良好的关系。
我转过头，指着气氛活跃而又井然有序的场面对颛福聊天说：“今天这南宫明安排得还真不错……”
颛福点点头赞同说：“母后说得是。”
话正说着，就见舞姬们跳完一曲退下，款款走上来一名紫衣妙龄女子，十五六岁的样子，她向我和皇上拜了拜，然后端坐于琴前。
只见她伸出一双白净细长的手，铮的一声便低眉弹奏起来。
朝臣们都纷纷停止了说话，只是看向她，大厅一时的寂静，只有琴声在四周回荡。
她的琴技娴熟，快而不乱，弹奏的曲子明快而不轻浮，很容易打动人。
我半眯着眼睛听着，不知不觉一曲终了，方才意犹未尽似的睁开眼，问下面的南宫明：“哦，这首曲子可真是悦耳，可是哀家以前怎么没听过？叫什么名字？”
南宫明起身毕恭毕敬地回道：“这是下臣的小女玳君自己谱写的曲子，就以此次瑞兆为题叫《紫芝兆》，真是献丑了。”
原来她是南宫明的女儿。
我再看那跪在中间的女子，眉眼端庄，皮肤白净，身姿修长，落落大方，又是南宫氏人，让我不禁对她增添了几分喜爱。
我和颜悦色地对她说：“你快快起来，你的琴弹得很好，学了几年了？”
“已经学了六七年了。”她回答道，声音柔和。
“能谱出这样的好曲子，真不容易，没想到内给事家出了个才女呢。南宫氏真是大有人才。”颛福平日也很喜欢谱曲，见玳君也擅长于此，因此十分感兴趣地赞赏道。
南宫明受宠若惊，喜悦之情也溢于言表，但嘴上还谦虚着：“皇上谬赞了，谬赞了。”
我心中一动，看了看下面那低眉顺眼的小女子，又看了看心情甚好的颛福，终于了然南宫明为什么要特意邀请皇上来这儿了。
“这内给事大人还真是一番煞费苦心。知道皇上的年纪快是要考虑大婚一事，便抢在别人前面推荐了自己的女儿。”在几日后和善善聊天时她这样议论说。
“正巧他有这么一个年纪合适又有才貌的女儿，尤其是谱曲这事正对咱们皇上的喜好，内给事大人又怎能错过这大好机会呢。说不定这也是应了太后娘娘的心事呢？”菟丝窃窃笑着说。
我心想菟丝确实说中了我的心思，过一段时间是要考虑福儿的婚事了。南宫明此举也算是与我一拍即合，我与福儿间的关系虽然与亲母子无二，但毕竟少了层血缘关系，若能与南宫氏联姻，岂不大好。
想想那玳君气质端庄，举止得体，倒也有些皇后之姿。
“如果南宫氏能出一位皇后，势必会加强外戚与皇帝的联系，我自然是向着自己亲戚的。哀家会尽量帮助她，以后就要看她自己的造化了。那孩子叫玳君是吧？过几天就叫她入宫侍奉吧。”
玳君刚刚进宫就几乎赢得了宫中上下所有人的喜爱。
她做事谦让谨慎，待人热情，丝毫不拿大家小姐的架子，又何况宫人们大多知道她是因何进宫的，都不免有些巴结讨好这宫中未来的女主人。
“善善姑姑，让玳君来帮您剥吧。”玳君说完就拿过善善手中的峨眉橙，只见一双灵巧的纤手摆弄着，不一会儿就剥下大半的橙皮。
这一声“姑姑”叫得又贴切又真诚，听得善善又是欢喜又是惶恐，连忙摆手说：“玳君小姐，老奴可当不起，老奴自己来就行了。”
玳君这时已经把香橙剥好了，既干净又完整，她把它塞到善善手里说：“当得起，怎么当不起。善善姑姑贴心服侍皇太后，一辈子忠心耿耿，怎么都当得起。玳君给您剥个橙子算什么呢，您别嫌玳君弄得难看，笑话玳君就行了。”说完自己抿嘴微微一笑，显得极有风情。
我偏着头看玳君，略有所思，看来女孩子家就该珍养，方能见得大场面，做事也能落落大方，显尽雍容华贵。我想到我的小女儿九珍，我也要给她最丰裕的物质，把她培养成大胤最最仪态万千的帝姬才行。
这时菟丝进来禀报说：“太后娘娘，皇上回宫了。”
我放下手中的瓜果，拿起旁边的白帕擦干了手，眼睛有意无意地瞥了一下刚才还在一旁有说有笑的玳君，只见她忽然住了嘴，脸上闪过一丝紧张之色，然后手无意识地扯了扯裙上的叠褶。
我暗暗笑她的小女儿态，不过这也是她进宫以来第一次见颛福，紧张在所难免，只希望她能好好讨得皇帝欢心，不辜负我让她进宫的期望才好。
这时随着门外太监的通报，颛福已经被簇拥着走了进来。
他风尘仆仆的，身上还穿着正式的祭服龙袍。
他此次出宫是到城郊庙宇祭祀，我虽然是现今掌权的太后，然而这等事还只是身为正统的皇帝才能做的。
全屋子的其他人都呼啦啦跪了一圈向颛福行礼拜安。
我看着踌躇满志、意气风发的颛福，不知为什么感觉短短的几天他就又长高了些，强壮了些，显而易见这次祭祀经历更增加了他作为皇帝的威严仪态。
他兴冲冲地坐到我对面，似乎几日没见到我十分想念，说：“母后，请原谅儿臣没有换好常服就来见您。只是儿臣想回宫就最先拜见您更能让母后高兴。”
我笑着说：“好啦，好啦，你的孝心母后知道。你看看，她们在下面跪了好长时间了，皇帝也不知道说一声。”
颛福这才意识到还有一大屋子人跪着，连忙歉意地去拉善善起来，略有责备说：“善善姑姑，你年纪大了，朕上次不是说就免你的跪拜之礼了吗。还有你们，都起来吧。”
善善起身，玳君就趁势在另一旁扶起善善。
颛福这时终于注意到她了，先是有些迷茫陌生，但又渐渐清明起来，“啊，朕记得你，你是内给事南宫明的女儿，你叫……”
想着颛福没有记住她的名字，玳君的表情一时有略略失望，但她很快调整过来，轻声回答说：“奴婢玳君。”
颛福拉着善善坐下，又从楚姿手里接过茶喝了一口，眼睛却打量着站在一旁那亭亭玉立的玳君。
我将一切看在眼里，吩咐玳君说：“玳君，还不给皇帝剥个橙子，这个时节保存好的不多，皇帝也尝尝鲜罢。”
玳君顺从地点了点头，她更加小心翼翼地、谨慎地旋转着，只一会儿就把散发出清香果气的橙肉呈在颛福面前。
颛福咄咄称奇，接过后赞叹说：“你的手真是灵巧，难怪琴也弹得那么好……”
玳君的脸微微红了，她低下了头，一副娇羞的模样。
我和善善对视了一眼，其中的意思不言而喻。
皇上与玳君真的很投缘不是吗？希望他们可以顺顺利利的，也算是了却了我一桩心事。
我微微蹙起了眉，工部尚书在奏折上说趁七月份黄河还未泛滥之际应兴修水利，加固堤坝，免得以后黄河沿岸百姓流离失所，秋无所收。
我叹了口气，这又是一大笔银子啊。
我摇了摇头，先帝在世轻赋役，所以国库并不十分充盈。我又怕其他各地遇到干旱水涝或者蝗灾，那时还要拿出粮食与银子救济灾民，如果皇帝还要大婚的话……那么财力就很捉襟见肘了。
我叹了口气，看着那份奏折，迟迟没有动笔。
这时楚姿禀告说：“太后，三十名医女已经等候在殿外了。”
我从书案上抬起头，搁下了笔，站起身来。
立即有两名宫娥上前跪下为我整理袍角。
楚姿拿来铜镜，我左右看着，伸出手勾了些香膏抹于发髻上，又正了正珠玉簇金花步摇。然而不知道为什么，我突然觉得步摇那金晃晃的颜色甚是刺眼，我索性拔了出来扔在托盘上。
金属相撞的清脆声音。
楚姿有些无措地抬头看我。我吩咐说：“去把哀家的檀木簪子拿来。”然后语气又有些烦躁地说：“以后别总用金的银的，看起来不顺眼。”
楚姿诚惶诚恐地应命离去，一会儿回来时手里拿着那枚古色的檀木簪子，然后又是一番整理，我方才被搀扶着来到殿外。
我站在高高的台阶上，下面是苗太医的孙女苗香带领的三十名医女，清一色的藏青色衣裙外罩着纯白色的医袍。
她们向我跪拜，我微微动了动手，楚姿便在旁边说道：“皇太后叫你们起来。”
她们齐刷刷地站起来，我看她们，却没有注意她们中的任何一个，只是俯视着那整齐的青色方队庄重而威严地说：“你们是大胤的第一批医女，是哀家叫你们进宫，因为后宫需要你们。你们与那些宫娥和太监一样，每月领宫中的俸禄，你们的俸禄要比他们多，但是你们的身份比他们低。因为你们在为太妃、妃嫔诊隐病之外，闲暇时还要兼顾宫人们的健康。这也是你们身份低的原因，哪有身份高的人给身份低的人看病的道理呢？但是哀家对你们寄予厚望。你们先要集中培训，主修《千金方》中的妇科。两个月后哀家会亲自考查。你们之中将有十名被淘汰到浣洗房去做苦役。其余二十名医女将要在太医院同太医们一同工作。”
末了我顿了顿，扫视了她们一圈，口气严厉地说：“作为医女，你们是来治病救人的，而不是来穿着打扮的。你们只能依等级穿藏青色或者深红色衣裙，外面都要穿白色罩衣。头发只能梳单髻，更重要的是不能抹粉擦脂，不能佩戴任何饰品，知道吗？”
“奴婢们知道了。”下面回答道。
我点了点头，然后叫来苗香说：“哀家封你为医女长，希望今后你能好好教导她们。除了医术，还要教导她们日常的宫中礼仪，否则不只是她们要遭到斥责，哀家更是脸上无光。哀家希望你能随时向哀家禀告她们的情况，不用通过别人，直接向哀家奏报就行了。好了，哀家还有很多事要忙，你们退下吧。”
苗香带着众医女离开，我转身，碰上的是楚姿等侍女迷惑的眼神。
她们一定不懂。她们不懂当初我对于患乳疡的安婕妤是怎样的冷眼旁观和无动于衷，现在却要组织这样的一支医女队去治疗女人难以言喻的疾病；她们不懂，掌握着生杀大权的我，难道还在乎宫中那些宫娥太监如草芥一般的生命吗？
我并不需要她们懂，但我确实对身为可悲之身的女人们存有体恤之心。
我心中感谢的是颛福对这件事采取了支持的态度。这个呼风唤雨无忧无虑的皇上，这个还未娶妻纳妃的少年，他显然不知道所谓医女存在的意义，但是他支持我，只因为我是他的母后。
我的儿子颛福，除了他不是我十月怀胎痛苦分娩之外，我们与亲母子无二。
所以我费心劳神，只希望交到他手中的是一片繁荣安定的江山。
我伸出手，用冰凉的指尖轻轻按压我的额头，听说想得过深的人很容易衰老。
也许我并不怕因此而衰老，但是我怕百密一疏，我怕我机关算尽，最后事情却不是按照我预料的那样发展，甚至，违背了我当初的意图。
我摇了摇头，发现自己确实想得过多了。
但我必须考虑周详，因为我坚信，事前预防总比事后补救要好。
于是我再回到勤政殿时，看着刚刚那本迟迟未定的奏折，终于落笔写下，“可。朝上细议。”
晚上用膳时，我突然发现四下的宫人全都褪下了金银首饰，换了木或玉质的簪子。
且不说如善善或者太妃等这样老辈的宫人，就连玳君这样年轻的女孩子都不见丝毫的珠光宝气。
我一怔，然后心知是我今天下午无意中的一句话造成了这样的局面。
其实我心里清楚自己为什么突然对金银首饰产生了厌烦的情绪——是因为那笔银子，那笔国库必须批出来的一大笔银子。
然而我也知道，这并不能解决问题，我不应该以自己一时的情绪去干扰整个后宫该有的颜色。
于是在用过膳后，我问玳君：“玳君，你今天怎么打扮得这样素气？正是花儿般的年纪，就更应该好好打扮自己才对。”
玳君毕竟稚嫩，面对我突然的问话想不出好的措词，实话实说道：“因为太后您都弃金银而倡朴质，奴婢们又怎么能……”
玳君说这话的时候，其余的宫人都为她的口无遮拦而吃惊，投来或责备或担忧的目光。
我不以为意地笑了，既是对她，也是对整个屋子里的人说：“哀家只不过是一时厌倦了每日穿金戴银而已，并不是要求你们也同哀家一样。而且这后宫本来就该是姹紫嫣红、争奇斗艳的地方，这后宫说到底也是为了皇帝的赏心悦目，所以你们还是应该注重仪容，尽心装扮。这样哀家看着也高兴，明白了吗？”
众人神情这才舒缓下来，连忙点头应是。
夜晚，辗转反侧。
我闭上眼睛，却没有丝毫的睡意。明明宽大舒适的床却显得空荡荡的，明明丝滑的锦单却显得倍加寒凉。
四周静悄悄的，静得我无法安眠。
外面突然有了沙沙的拍打声，下小雨了。
我披衣下榻，拿起一枝点亮的莲花灯绕过今晚值夜的如意。在这样的雨夜，她睡得香甜，发出均匀的呼吸声。
我举灯来到隔壁，奶娘女喜被我惊醒了，我向她做了个手势叫她不要出声。我来到九珍的小床边，看着她熟睡的脸，心下安稳了许多。
我静静地听着九珍的呼吸声，脸上不禁露出笑容。然后又忍不住亲亲摸摸她那胖乎乎的散发出奶香的小手，直到九珍似乎被扰到动了动，我才慌忙将她放回，又怕她着凉，拉了拉被子为她掖好被角。
“你今晚注意些，别让帝姬着凉了。要是她突然醒了，你就把她带到哀家屋里去。”
我轻声吩咐完奶娘后，却没有回到自己的房间，而是推开门来到屋外。
外面黑蒙蒙的，只能看见屋檐灯笼朦胧的烛光下如细针般纷纷的雨。
寒意夹杂着莫名的寂寞。
我想，我有多久没说话了？如果和朝臣在朝堂上议论政事不算说话的话，如果对宫人们吩咐后宫事宜不算说话的话。
明明繁重的国家大事充斥着我每日的生活，为什么，依然会有空虚的感觉时不时地一闪而过。
早上起来头有些昏沉，但我不以为意，照常上朝议事。
今天主要谈论的就是黄河加固堤坝一事。工部尚书及负责此事的官员细细奏明了这项工程的各项支出，我听着，却没有发表任何评论，他们甚至以为我要睡着了。
下午的时候，我抱着九珍在媚夏媛让元遥为我们作画，后面是一片鲜红艳丽的牡丹花。
我深深地感叹小孩子实在长得太快了。
我想记住九珍成长的每个印迹，于是便让元遥每一季都为九珍画一幅画，然后把这些画装订成册，可以时时翻看。
我也想等着九珍长大出嫁的那一天，我把这画册当成最宝贵的礼物送给她，给她一一看她小时候的样子，然后我会指着画像笑她说：“你看你，小时候胖极了……”那时候九珍便会露出又惊异又娇羞的表情吧。
我想着，便不禁微微地笑了。
怀中的九珍不安分地动了动，挣扎着想要下去。
元遥体贴地说：“小孩子没耐性，臣已经先把小帝姬的那部分画好了，您可以让她先下去玩玩。臣接下来主要画您的那部分。”
于是我将九珍递给奶娘，吩咐她看着九珍别走远，自己又坐回来保持着原先的姿势，目光看向元遥的方向。
元遥自小就跟在端豫王和我身边，后来端豫王去封地上任，他却留了下来。他以前是那样一个拘谨而沉默寡言的少年，现今他依旧如此。只不过二十八岁的他下巴蓄起了一小撮胡须，看起来更是成熟稳重了。
他是我非常信任的人，我垂帘后朝廷上许多事情只放心交给他去办。而他现在穿着紫色的官服，年纪轻轻已是大胤的正三品官员。他们都知道元大人是我非常宠信的臣下。
他此时一丝不苟，神情严肃，正一抬首一低头一笔一笔在书案上细细勾勒着每一个线条。
他神情专注而仔细，我一动也不动，却不知道是不是因为昨晚下雨的原因，今天的阳光格外的灿烂，让我浑身微微地发热。
不知何时，他终于说话了，“臣昨天收到他的来信了。”
我的心微微一动。
元遥接着说道：“只是信的开头问候了臣一下，后面满满的全是问小帝姬的情况。问她有没有长高，有没有长胖，问她吃得好不好，睡得好不好……”然后苦笑中隐隐夹杂着一种复杂的情绪说：“臣看他婆婆妈妈的像个女人……”
我低头没有说话，心中发痛，头却晕晕的，思维渐渐地漫散来开。
“他还送来一大堆玩偶彩画，让臣带给小帝姬……”
“不能收。”我感觉自己身体软绵绵的，却还强撑着精神反对说，“宫里物品来源历来都查得清楚，这样不明不白的东西出现在九珍身边会让人起疑，再说……”我感觉自己脸颊发烫，说话的声音也越来越小。
我觉得自己就要倒下去了，却最终软软地靠在赶上来的元遥的肩膀上。
他扶起我，手覆上了我的额头。
“天，小姐，您发烧了。”
我感觉自己喉咙发痛，呼吸沉重而炙热，我哑着嗓子说：“回来时别让九珍靠近我，我怕传染给她……元遥，我感觉很困，很困……”我终是抬不起眼皮，眼前一片黑暗。
待我醒来时，天色已经昏暗。
楚姿正巧上来为我换额上的冰帕，见我睁开眼睛，欣喜地说：“太后您醒了。”
在一旁看守的善善也紧忙上前看我，拉着我的手说：“小小姐，您终于醒了。怎么突然生这么一场病，是不是昨夜下雨天冷，如意没给您添被子啊……”
我抿着嘴，摇了摇头。我又怎么能说，我是因为寂寞，昨天在外面淋了半夜的雨呢。
然后我突然想起什么，支起身子，焦急地问道：“九珍呢？”
善善让我躺下，轻声说：“小小姐您不用担心，小帝姬在奶娘那儿好好的呢。”
我听了稍稍心安，又想起了元遥，问：“元大人已经走了么？”
“元大人送您回来，现在还等在外面呢。”
我怔了一下，不知道该说什么，他到底等了几个时辰了……
我闭上眼睛，良久