Chapter 56 Section five

Things in the world are always wrong.Just like Lu Siyu's feelings for Maisui, because of being entangled with his guilt towards his wife, there was a dislocation.When he came to Maisui, he often used his intimate "wife" as the beginning of their love. Maisui is obedient and always calm. This obedience and calmness make her body never get pleasure from Lu Siyu's passion.Amidst his passion, she was almost always thinking about other things, such as her daughter Maizi's homework was not getting better every day, and Maizi's eyes flashing resentment from time to time... These fantasies were often whispered by Lu Siyu calling his wife interrupt.Of course Maisui knew that she was not his wife.She didn't understand why he insisted on calling her wife.Probably in order not to wear clothes when lying next to his wife and talking in sleep?This is her guess.

Until one day, Lu Siyu finally couldn't bear Maisui's quietness or calmness, and decided that her slightly stiff body was just perfunctory for him.It annoyed him, the lack of initiative and enthusiasm at Misui.The more annoyed he is, the less able he is to let his passion take full advantage, causing his faculties to atrophy.Lu Siyu was a little discouraged, and finally had uncontrollable doubts and dissatisfaction with the beautiful woman in front of him—sometimes people's appearance is very unreliable, including beautiful women, which cannot always arouse a man's passion, and even have side effects , making the man who was so eager for her become obscene.Most of all, it would make him lose his pride in being a man again.To maintain this pride requires replenishing new energy and gaining new motivation.Like an overloaded machine that needs to be repaired or refueled at any time, he feels that it is difficult for him to get new energy and new motivation from the ears of wheat.This also determines that Lu Siyu and Mai Sui will never become people on the same road, not in the past, and will not be in the future.In other words, they are doomed not to be partners.This is the sadness that weighs on Lu Siyu's heart.During Ma Yongqin's serious illness, he also considered that one day he could give this woman a title, a truly stable life, a real home worthy of the name.Because she was the first woman he met besides his wife, and he once loved her, no matter how short that love was because of their respective psychological interference.However, when Lu Siyu finally felt that Maisui was completely passively enduring—because of material needs, he had to passively accept a man's wishful thinking, he was hurt.Although he is a very materialistic man who aims at his own desires, he still needs affection and the warm comfort of a woman. Facing the innocence shown by the ears of wheat, he dare not talk about love at all.As their relationship becomes stylized over time, the stylization becomes heavily exchanged: he provides her with material security, and she provides him with her body.This kind of exchange is an invisible injury, like a cancer attacking his heart and self-confidence as a man.Gradually, he began to hate this beautiful woman.Because he never knew what she was thinking in the silence.Yes, he never really knew her.As for the girl named Maizi she cares about as a mother, it is actually just an illusion of her emotional world, at least not the whole of her emotional world.He never walked into her heart, this is what Lu Siyu finally realized.He once felt ashamed of himself.He hopes that he can regain his strength and come out of the shadow of inferiority complex.Then he should choose to leave her and find what he really needs.

In the end, it was not Maisui's indifferent obedience and calmness that prompted Lu Siyu to make up his mind to make such a decision.Because one day, when Lu Siyu saw Maizi, a young girl standing at the door, scratching her head and posing, calling him "Old Lu" in a mocking tone, he was startled and quickly fled that "home".He is afraid of Maizi's pompous gestures and ridicule, which makes him really feel the teasing of youth to old age. From now on, the mocking face of the young girl who should be called his godfather will always invade his brain nerves from time to time, making it difficult for him to enter a state of passion when he is with Maisui.In order to avoid this situation and restore his ambition as a man, he hopes that he can find a solution as soon as possible.

In the end he chose to escape, like an old wolf fleeing from a hunter's trap. Maybe this is what Maisui hoped, although she didn't say it.