Chapter 13 Section VIII

The moonlight outside the window is exceptionally clear, like a huge boundless white silk and satin, and the heavy curtains can't block the elegant and eye-catching brilliance. Liu Xu lay on the bed tossing and turning.Probably the cup of coffee in the afternoon helped, and she, who rarely suffers from insomnia, was still sleepless in the middle of the night.The other side of the bed was empty, and the untidy edges and corners of an unopened quilt could be seen dimly.Cher lay on the carpet in front of the bed and started snoring.The small alarm clock on the bedside table was ticking, taking small steps, running forward slowly but unrelentingly.It's past one o'clock, isn't it?Luo Yang still did not come back.The effect of coffee on sleep does not have such a sustained effect.So, is her insomnia tonight because of his absence?Liu Xu secretly smiled, this has never happened before.She has her own logic for comforting and extricating herself from the annoyance caused by Luo Yang not returning at night. Even if he does not return all night, she will sleep soundly and carefree.

In fact, Liu Xu's tossing and turning at this moment is because she is thinking about another problem, the problem caused by the inexplicable horn comb, the husband and wife quarrel last night, and after meeting Lu Xia and other details.Although she had already thrown those miscellaneous things out of the sky when she first came home, but in the dead of night and when insomnia came unexpectedly, she had to pick them up one by one, rubbing them back and forth in her empty heart.Her heart was filled to the brim with these endless rubbings, and she still felt a little aching. For the first time, the heartless Liu Xu began to check her past years that she didn't want to recall one by one in the dead of night.Perhaps for the next few sleepless nights, this would be her new way to fill the void inside her.When people have no help, they always have to find a way to redeem themselves.Checking the past is a form of self-salvation, right?Because it is unknown and harmless.

In fact, during the day, when Liu Xu and Lu Xia discussed the gender topic that she was ashamed to talk about all her life, she lied insincerely.Most of her blushing at the time was due to her lying.The insomnia in the middle of the night forced her to face the fact that Luo Yang never took the initiative towards her, even when she was newlywed. Every protagonist of the wedding night should be exciting and memorable for a lifetime.Liu Xu was not excited, but it was unforgettable.Their wedding took place on a morning in early winter according to Royan's wishes.It was a very cold morning, God looked gloomy as if he was not reconciled, and a few light snowflakes fell as a decoration for the wedding.The sky cleared after the wedding, but Liu Xu's mood has never been clear since then.She still remembers the wedding night in their bridal chamber, the moonlight of that night was as bright and clear as it is now.She and he were lying on a slightly gaudy red marriage bed.At that time, he was so drunk that it seemed that he would never wake up.She stared lonely at the moonlight thick as honey, waiting for him to wake up until the next morning.She waited silently for her wedding night.

The next night, a group of friends who hadn't made it to the wedding came to their new house.He took advantage of the enthusiasm of his friends to make a new house and get drunk, and he also got himself drunk. On the third night, he had no reason to keep himself drunk.She thought that what should happen would happen, and she didn't have to wait endlessly.They are already a legal couple, she has her own rights, and he has his obligations.But because of his two consecutive days of drunkenness, he didn't feel a little bit of enthusiasm or guilt towards his new wife around him.He just lay primly beside her.Time flies in restraint, from late night to early morning.The rustling of cleaners can already be heard outside.He remained motionless, not even touching her hand.She finally felt ashamed unbearably, and this endless shame made her extremely angry, like a thorny thorn, pierced deeply in her heart, and it was riddled with holes.Thus, she finally turned from embarrassment to anger, like a brave warrior in the face of danger, she suddenly turned around and rode on him, tearing him apart in his astonishment.She was going to attack, she was going to destroy, destroy the false restraint he had placed around her and his false commitment to another woman.The other woman had always existed, before he married her and after he married her, and she knew that.In shame and anger, she possessed him domineeringly.In the slaughter-like entanglement, she touched the warm and turbulent tears on his face.She would like to believe it was sweat, but he was cold.Just treat it as sweat!She forced herself to believe it.

Occupation, resistance, and compromise, this became the beginning of their married life.In the following years, he calmed down, no longer shed tears, but passively accepted her and everything she imposed on him.She also continued to implement her domineering for two or three months as a matter of course.Although she has never felt pleasure in this kind of tyranny, she is still the same as before, like a female beast that has become ferocious due to injury, and always maintains a tyrannical desire to conquer. If she carried out her dominance in silence, the marriage between her and him would continue naturally and without waves.

However, the thorn that had stuck in Liu Xu's heart since the wedding night not only did not wither, but grew stronger day by day, covering all her expectations for a bright future, even if her son Luo Pengfei gave her Even the laughter it brought couldn't resist the thorn in her heart.During the endless years that covered the sky, her shame and anger swelled up day by day, and finally swelled to an unbearable limit on a certain day.That limit tore open her past wounds, and also tore away her self-esteem, making her even more resentful of his passive endurance, and also hated her own tyranny in silence.Under the strong support of all unbearable reasons, she straddled him like a brave cavalryman, and roared incoherently like a female beast: "You trampled you to death and pecked you to death! You didn't have me in your heart from the beginning, and you never thought of me for the rest of your life." Pretending to be that little bitch, you little slut! You go to her, why don’t you go to her? What can she give you, what has she ever given you? Tell me, she did, right!...You two are as bad! ...you are today because of me, your decency, your future, if not for my contribution back then, you are just a pile of shit now..."

He was completely irritated and completely awake, so he threw her off and exhausted all his strength. From then on, her domineering never succeeded again.From now on, she can only comfort herself like this: good shoes don't step on stinky shit. When his son Luo Pengfei was in his sophomore year, Luo Yang and Liu Xu had almost officially separated. This was to avoid the separation of the couple sharing the same bed but covering each with a quilt. According to Luo Yang's vision of his future life after he lifted the catkins, when his son Luo Pengfei turned eighteen and considered an adult, he would divorce her.But after many years, he finally gave up on this plan.Not that he really forgave her, but considering his career and reputation.Of course, it's not that he didn't think about himself and Liu Xu at all.At that time, Luo Yang had no shortage of women. One or two women kept in close contact with him, and three young girls made it clear to him that if he could give them a chance, everything would belong to him.If he divorced Liu Xu, those women might pester him to marry him.It's a headache and will consume most of his energy.Since Maisui left, he hasn't met a woman worth spending most of his energy on.Instead of remarrying after divorce, and remarrying cannot guarantee the happiness he yearns for, it is better to make do with Liu Xu smoothly.And Liu Xu had indeed paid a lot for him, and lived with him for so many years.He is a conscientious person, and he can't go deep into many things, and he can't do too much.Of course, he and the few women outside are just friends, and he has his own sense of friendship, so he won't take a step too easily.This is not to show how noble or decent he is, but that he does not want to be responsible. "Responsibility" is a very tiring thing. If he crosses the line, he will bear the burden of "responsibility".One catkin was enough for him, and he was afraid that adding such a burden would overwhelm him and make him unable to stand up forever.Of course, he still feels pity for the women who love him to death, and he has confessed to them.As a joke, he had privately told each of them that he would make it easy for her (or her) to be his wife, that is, she (or her) had to wait until Liu Xu was one step ahead of them all Leave or die voluntarily, after all Liu Xu is older than them.Such expectations are a bit inhumane to Liu Xu and other women, but Luo Yang can only give such empty words to the women who love him to death.His women waited patiently like this, and Luo Yang couldn't bear to wait, so he had to adopt a compromise method, the money he earned went to Liu Xu as a reward for her to keep the vacant room alone; his time belonged to his girlfriends so that he can live out the emotion of life in helplessness.Therefore, Luo Yang's daily life is generally arranged like this: he handles business in the office during the day, and spends at a certain restaurant with important officials or friends from various departments from 8:00 to 12:00 in the evening; They will go to a bathing place somewhere.Now many bathing places have launched a new package - love soup, to put it bluntly, it is a beautiful woman accompanying a man to take a bath. "Love Soup" Luo Yang has never tried it, and he feels that he can't and doesn't need to degenerate to that level.

Luo Yang will only go home on time when he needs to give Liu Xu money.As soon as he entered the house, without saying a word, he just took out a rectangular brown paper envelope from his briefcase and put it on the coffee table.Catkins at this time are usually buried in the sofa watching TV.The kraft paper envelope on the coffee table lay there quietly, she knew that it contained money, and that sturdy envelope was like a false cover.She didn't understand what Luo Yang was trying to hide. Is it the sourness of respectable people who don't want to talk about money, or this overly explicit transaction between their husband and wife?But the money was real, and the bulging thickness of the brown paper envelope was impressive.So she stood up from the sofa with a smile on her face, squinted her eyes and said to Luo Yang, we have already eaten, if you haven't eaten yet, there is some snack in the refrigerator.By "we" she meant, of course, her and the Persian cat Cher, and her perfunctory question was often the beginning of their meeting.

Luo Yang took off his coat and hung it on the hanger, hesitantly said that he had already eaten.If nothing else, his casual answer often becomes the ending of their husband and wife meeting. Sometimes Luo Yang really ate, and sometimes he didn't eat anything.But he is willing to starve his stomach, and he is also starving his brain; or he is more willing to punish himself with catkin's perfunctory and his own carelessness, and at the same time find a proper reason for his early departure and late return—— Her perfunctory made him not want to go home. Liu Xu still squinted at him.In fact, she was measuring the thickness of the envelope on the coffee table.When Luo Yang bent over to change her slippers, she quickly grabbed the envelope in her hand, tore off the cover-up kraft paper, sat on the sofa and counted leisurely, and took the money leisurely after counting. Put it in your handbag.Luo Yang raised his head and looked at her actions in surprise.At this moment, the little sympathy he had for her was wiped away with the rustling sound of her counting the banknotes.

The white lady on TV is singing affectionately: "Wait once in a thousand years, wait once..." Liu Xu, who occasionally goes to the karaoke hall with her friends, has already secretly revised the song, and she sings vaguely along with the music: "Waiting for you to come back every day." Waiting for you to come back..." The affectionate melody seemed to be a malicious mockery of their relationship as husband and wife. Since then, Luo Yang basically no longer returns home on time.He put the money into the bank card, and whoever wants to use the money can use the bank card to withdraw freely.This saved them from quarreling over some unpleasant trifles when they occasionally met.

In this way, their life was as peaceful as water.In the eyes of outsiders, Luo Yang and his wife have lived affectionately and faithfully for more than 20 years. He is really a good man, a good man with a sense of responsibility.Much of his reputation as a lawyer rests on it.This made Luo Yang care more about his relationship with his wife, and strengthened his determination never to divorce. No matter how his other girlfriends haunted him, he kept a rational mind and never wavered in his determination. . Therefore, Liu Xu has no doubts about Luo Yang's conscience and self-discipline, but she secretly excuses him and herself for his sleeping in bed: lack of energy.How much entertainment should a big man have when he is busy with his career outside! However, today's insomnia late at night made Liu Xu's heart no longer like an ancient well.She began to think carefully about the man she had shared the bed with for more than twenty years.After thinking about this, she finally found that her life of more than twenty years was as dark as the night, although occasionally one day, moonlight or snow light would soak through the curtains and brighten the dark room, just like when she was shopping or going out. In the days of the beauty salon, temporarily get a good mood.But how insignificant is this subtle and vague light compared with the long time of more than twenty years!For a woman, how many golden years of more than twenty years can she have?A woman's life should not only rely on shopping and beauty to pass, right? Liu Xu began to be afraid of insomnia, afraid of the darkness in the insomnia. She reached out to turn on the wall lamp, then got out of bed, and turned on all the lights in the house one by one.Bedrooms, living rooms, study rooms, dining rooms, kitchens, toilets, balconies, and corridors are all brightly lit, like daytime. In the brightly lit day, Liu Xu, who lay back on the bed with wide-eyed eyes, finally felt a bit of satisfaction and comfort.