Chapter 10 Section five

Luo Yang came home late at night. Liu Xu had already fallen asleep, and her slightly heavy breathing could be heard from the bedroom. Royan wasn't sleepy, but he didn't turn on the light.When he is in a bad mood or when he needs to think carefully about a key aspect of a case he represents, he often sits quietly in a house without all distractions (including lights).At this time, he was sitting alone in the living room, lighting a cigarette, and the cigarette butt flickered in the dark night, shining a faint red light.When he was smoking the third cigarette, the bedroom door opened with a "squeak", and then he heard the switch on the wall "snap", and the living room was suddenly bright.Luo Yang turned his head, squinted his eyes stung by the sudden strong light, and saw Catkins in a nightgown with disheveled hair standing in the aisle like a ghost.

"I saw the flickering flames there, and I thought our house was haunted!" Liu Xu said angrily.Without waiting for Luo Yang to speak, she went straight to the bathroom.She is still angry about combing the horns! Luo Yang put out the remaining half of the cigarette in the ashtray, turned off the light, and entered the bedroom.He didn't take off his clothes, and he didn't pull away his quilt, just lying on the bed with his clothes on. Liu Xu came back from the bathroom, ignoring the preoccupied man on the bed.She got into her bed and raised her hand to turn off the rose-colored decorative wall lamp above the bed.

Luo Yang lay in the dark for a long time, he felt a headache and wanted to sleep well.Maybe with a little sleep everything will be fine: the weather, mood, and vague worries, and it will all melt away.So he took off his clothes, stretched out the quilt, curled up his body, the quilt floated gently on his body, he felt a little cold, a little bit lost.He wrapped the quilt tightly.But it was useless, the quilt fluffed up again after a while.This is a man-made quilt, covered with a layer of Dacron quilt cover, with a white floral pattern printed on the light green base, and it feels like it is floating on the body.Liu Xu has not sewed a quilt for many years, the old-fashioned quilt with a cotton core, cotton cloth, and brocade satin.She thinks that kind of quilt is rustic, and it is quite troublesome to sew it up every time it is unpacked and washed.She eliminated all the old-fashioned quilts and replaced them with various artificial quilts that are popular, such as jacquard quilts, air-conditioning quilts, silk quilts... There are so many names, but they are actually rayon cotton cores wrapped with a layer of chemical fiber fabrics rolled together There is also a kind of duvet, after a period of use, the feathers inside are either drilled out and stuck everywhere, or the feathers are piled up together.Such quilts cannot be removed and washed, and catkins cover them with a quilt cover, and the size of the quilt does not always match the size of the quilt cover.This kind of quilt always makes Luo Yang sleep restlessly.I heard that cashmere quilts and camel's hair quilts are popular now. They are both excellent in breathability and comfort, but they are more expensive.Price is not an issue for Liu Xu, and Luo Yang doesn't understand why she hasn't caught up with this trend yet.

Luo Yang thought about it and pulled the messy, bumpy and fluffy quilt on his body, and finally fell asleep. Liu Xu turned around suddenly, pushed Luo Yang and said, "Do you love me?" "What did you say?" Luo Yang, who was in a daze, didn't react for a moment. "Do you love me or not?" Liu Xu emphasized her tone. "Oh... It's hard to say clearly about this question. But I married you. " "I know. But 'marry' doesn't mean 'love'. I ask you, have you ever loved me?" Liu Xu paused every word, with a stern tone, like an ultimatum.

"How old are you!? Don't think about it, it's late at night, go to sleep. If you have anything to say, we'll talk about it tomorrow." "Tomorrow? It's hard to see you except when you come back to sleep and fetch things. Do you think this is like home? What a beautiful big house! But this deserted big house doesn't feel like home anyway! " "It doesn't feel like home here, but you are the one who makes home not like home!" "At the beginning you promised to give me the best life." "I did what I promised." "But I think the best life is not just a house, a car, and money!"

"That's all I can give you." "Are you admitting that you don't love me?" "I never said that...don't force me." "I want to hear you say it, to hear you tell me yourself. If you don't say it, you are driving me, driving me crazy. Today you have to answer whether you love me or not!" "I can't say it! To love or not to love is the precipitation and summary of a person's heart, and it is an inner and emotional thing, not something that can be said casually. But don't worry, I will never divorce you! " Liu Xu snapped on the wall lamp, sat up straight, and stared at Luo Yang, looking a bit ferocious.

"You hypocrite! Smelly rascal! You should be hacked into pieces! Why don't you die? Go out and be hit by a car, fall into a well and drown, let God and King Yama hack you to death..." She was hysterical rose, cursing incoherently, in the most vicious language she knew. Luo Yang picked up the quilt and left the bedroom to his son Luo Pengfei's room. Luo Pengfei went to the provincial capital to study at university. Except for two holidays, his room was always empty, which often became Luo Yang's refuge.If Luo Pengfei was at home, the husband and wife would always quarrel in a low-pitched way, as if it were a common occurrence.After the quarrel, Luo Yang tiptoed into the living room and slept on the sofa for three.

However, at this moment Luo Yang was completely awakened, more sober than ever.He lay on his son's bed with eyes wide open. Love or not love, how to answer?If you love, why is home not like home, like a big sealed box, making people breathless?Like a dark tomb where no one can see the light?If not love, why did he marry her, why did he promise her the "best life"?He knew that he didn't give Liu Xu everything, but he couldn't give her everything.If you don't love, you shouldn't marry her; if you marry her, you should love; if you love, a home should be like a home; since a home is a home, there should be love; if there is love between them, what about the ears of wheat? ?Now that there are ears of wheat, who is this woman beside me, who has lived together for twenty years? ... To love or not to love, he repeated in his heart over and over again, struggling.He really can't answer.Just like the critical moment when he had to make that major choice many years ago—because of that major choice many years ago, Luo Yang had a lifetime of pain.

Only when people have choices can they have pain. Choice is pain. Luo Yang simply got dressed, went to the study, closed the door, and lit another cigarette.The flickering sparks on the cigarette end reflected his obviously aged face.At forty-eight he looked fifty-eight. Catkins sobbed softly in the dark.Through misty tears, she saw the jade bracelet on the dressing table reflecting a faint green light in the darkness.The bracelet was an engagement token given to her by her husband's family, but she hadn't worn it for many years and only took it out on a special day. In fact, this day is Liu Xu and Luo Yang's wedding anniversary.However, judging from Luo Yang's attitude today, he didn't take this day seriously at all!

What animal is man?Maybe even animals are not counted, because animals also have hearts!If it wasn't for her son, she would have left the house long ago.However, the son is already in college, so is it really necessary to protect him with a marriage of the same bed and different dreams?Same bed, different dreams!Liu Xu clenched the corner of the quilt tightly, as if she was biting Luo Yang with sharp teeth, and she seemed to have a sense of relief.Can you really relieve your hatred?she asked herself again.The little bit of warmth brought by their son at the beginning was dispelled and swallowed by the passing years and trivial life.Ever since their son entered college, there was only indifference between them, a suffocating indifference.More than indifference!In the few days they spent together, there were often unnecessary arguments, and almost every argument started with his accusations against her.Liu Xu felt that all of Luo Yang's accusations were just excuses—an unwashed teacup, a messy storage room, an inexplicable horn comb, and many details of the quilt and bed sheet would all become excuses for him to accuse her.Why did he find these excuses to quarrel with her?Liu Xu couldn't figure it out at first.Later she understood a little bit that maybe there was another woman hidden in their life, that woman was entangled with him like a ghost, peeping at this family with viciousness.Or, that woman has always existed, existed before they entered the marriage hall, Liu Xu should be aware of this.It's just that she deliberately ignored or forgotten that secret woman, but that woman is still entangled in their marriage like a ghost, and appears from time to time to make trouble.A seemingly peaceful home is unexpectedly disturbed by an invisible woman!Are all the indifference and endless quarrels created by Luo Yang trying to force him to leave?I have tolerated it for so many years, why did I take the initiative to leave?Why give an opportunity to those eyes that peep in the dark?

Liu Xu was overwhelmed in his heart, and couldn't help but secretly gritted his teeth.She didn't know that if she continued to live like this, maybe it wasn't really to punish that invisible opponent, maybe it was just to defend the oath she made at the beginning - to use her life to hold him!Yes, hold on to the man next to you, and never let go until there is no strength for each other, even if you just think about love or hate! However, Liu Xu can only punish herself.Her sudden hysteria is the best proof. After the hysteria passed, Liu Xu felt a little more relaxed. There were no more tears and pain as expected, and all that was left was numbness.In the numbness, she fell asleep again, snoring lightly and evenly. Catkins seems fairly normal during the day, her hysterics only come at night. Liu Xu is three years older than Luo Yang, but she never grows old.Her dull face does not have a few wrinkles that a woman of this age should have.She is plump but not fat. She speaks, works, and even walks very quickly. She doesn't look like a person in her early fifties.She said it was because life had hollowed her out, and she had become a heartless person, and being heartless is the best magic weapon for eternal youth.