Chapter 77 The shore is ahead and does not look back

Walking on the mountain trails, away from the imperial palace, away from the busy city, away from the Buddhist temple, and away from the rivers and lakes, here has the natural charm of natural landscape, simple and fresh, without secular dust, but with the fragrance of earth. The sun shines through the shadows of the trees on both sides and falls on the ground. The further you go, it seems that the strings in your heart are getting tighter. As I walked, I said to Qiuxi, "Qiuxi, not far away is my hometown. I was born in this peaceful land, and I am the daughter of an ordinary farmer in the mountains and countryside."

Qiuxi looked around the fields and nodded slightly: "Well, it's a very peaceful place. It would be nice to live here in a normal way all your life. Live a simple life of men farming and women weaving, living and working in peace and contentment." I smiled coldly: "That's true, it's just that fate will fool people." Qiu Xi smiled: "This can only show that the empress is an extraordinary person. She is a bright pearl that will shine everywhere. Your brightness belongs to the king." I turned my eyes to look at her: "Pearl?" Then I lowered my eyebrows and smiled alone: ​​"Bright blue pearl." At this moment, I thought of the bright blue that Chunyi gave me. For a long time, now, falling into endless glitz, coming and going are uncertain.

I thought of my parents again, they lived an ordinary life and regarded me as the apple of their eye, but they both died when I was twelve years old, and they committed suicide by drinking poisonous alcohol, no matter what I would not believe it.It's just that time has passed, what else can I find?It's just a piece of loess, a few feet of basil, and a bit of complaints. Walking through several winding mountain trails, Hong Jian pointed ahead and said with a smile: "Miss, look, the small house is still there." I looked in the direction she pointed, and it was Xiaochaimen, who was once sparse. The old wine flag was still hanging high in front of the door, fluttering in the wind.I thought of that misty and rainy day in spring, when Hong Jian and I went here to take shelter from the rain, there was an empty house with only dilapidated tables and chairs and thick dust in it.

Qiu Xi also looked in that direction and said, "It looks like a rural restaurant." Hong Jian said with a smile: "The restaurant is correct, but unfortunately it is an empty restaurant. We have been in there before, and it is very desolate, full of old things and dust." I looked further, and the chaimen where I used to shelter from the rain is still there, but I don’t know if there is still a light tea fragrance inside, and whether the mysterious man still lives here.I was a little anxious, but my pace slowed down more and more. Hong Jian called softly: "Miss..."

I regained my composure and raised my eyes to look at her: "Yeah." I knew what Hong Jian wanted to say, but she was also nervous at this moment. She saw the jade pendant that day, and only she knew about my relationship with Chu Yu. I don't know.Having been together for so long, I have already regarded Qiuxi as a relative, so this matter should not be a secret to her. I smiled lightly: "Let's go, let's go to the cabin in front." Qiu Xi asked suspiciously, "Didn't you say it was deserted?" Hong Jian smiled and pointed forward: "Look, it's not the restaurant, it's the one in the front, a bit further away, near the foot of the mountain, that small room."

Qiuxi looked a little confused, she said nothing, and followed us. The closer I got, the heavier my footsteps were. I looked at the simple chaimen. There was no smoke, as if there was no smell of fireworks. It was just sitting there quietly. I couldn't feel his breath, I couldn't feel it at all. Could it be that he Really absent. A faint scent of early osmanthus wafts in. It is the osmanthus seeds planted in the fenced yard, dotted with sparse yellow stamens, but the fragrance is full of people. I stopped in front of the autumn osmanthus and the red paper, and pushed open the bamboo gate of the fenced yard alone. I saw that the weeds were overgrown in the yard, and there were no orchids and chrysanthemums in the past, and I could not smell the smell of firewood from the house.I know he's not here, because it's been deserted for a while, you can tell at a glance.

But I still walked in, and gently pushed open the half-covered door, the door knocker was covered with signs of rust.A faint musty smell came, and this smell made my heart ache, because when I smelled this smell, I knew that he was really gone. The tables and chairs are neat and tidy, everything is as before, but there is a thick accumulation of dust on them.I looked at the place where I used to sit and make tea with him, and there was nothing there. When I walked over, the window was ajar, and there were no pink peaches peeping through the window, nor the continuous spring rain, just a few faint Qiuyang.

It's so quiet, this kind of quiet makes people panic, the laughter that once happened here no longer exists.I have listened to his stories here, about his bizarre life experience and mysterious experience, and I met this old jade here for the first time. I took out the piece of white jade from my cuff, and the slanting sun shone brightly.Like the cold light of a sword, on that day, that deadly sword, did he really become a swordsman? If he really went, there will be even more bloody storms in the world from now on. I sighed heavily: "Oh..." Facing the window sill, looking at the undulating green hills in the distance, some red leaves are dyed. It turns out that it has entered the early autumn, and those leaves will slowly dye the green hills red with the seasons.A thin desolation hit my heart, that day I asked him if he could omit all my process and then tell me the result of my life.He said, unless I am frozen, but only my face is frozen, when I wake up, the mountains and rivers may change, but the world is still the same as yesterday.Now things are changing, so what is it?

I want to leave, but I don't want to give up. I always want to look forward to something, expect a small miracle to happen.However, when the miracle came, I thought it was in a dream. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, and I trembled instantly, my heart throbbing extremely.Turn around, take a few steps back, avoiding his embrace.Chu Yu's abruptness really surprised me, and I said anxiously: "You...you..." Dressed in white, he was still so clear and clean, untainted by common dust, he was completely different from the masked swordsman in black.He looked at me with a smile, and asked softly, "Did it scare you?"

My heart was still throbbing, but my tone was calm: "No." He still looked at me with a smile: "I knew you would come." I sneered: "Of course you know, can I still forget that you can do fortune telling and know the past and future? It's just such a small matter, how could it escape your budget." He put his hands behind his back and smiled: "Even if I don't know how to budget, I still know that you will come here. That's why I stayed the jade that day." I frowned: "You liuyu, you just want to tell me that that person is you, but why do you tell me it's you? Just do it silently, you know, I don't want to know that that person is you ?”

He still looked at me gently, and said with a smile: "Are you really angry? Actually, it's nothing. I just want to keep Yu by your side, so that you can feel that I'm with you and know everything about you, so that you can Not so scared anymore." I didn't take it seriously: "But according to my feeling, it's not the case. Can your jade be delivered to me easily like this?" His eyes were gentle, like a pool of clear water, and he said in a low voice, "Why not?" Looking at this gaze, my face was red, and for a moment, I didn't know what to say. After a pause, I took a deep breath and asked, "Tell me, you know, I need to ask you for a reason for coming here today." He faced the window and looked into the distance: "Ask, I will tell you what you want to know." But my heart was empty, but I didn't know where to ask, after a while, I asked: "Did you really leave here?" He replied: "Yes." "When did it happen?" "Not long after you left." "Why?" He raised his eyebrows and smiled: "Do you need a reason? People like me never ask why when they do things, because all reasons are not reasons to me. I just do things by feeling. As for right or wrong, I don't want to know. As for the ending , I can predict it too. I told you, the only thing I can't predict is my own ending." I smiled coldly: "You still haven't entered the fairyland after all." After I finished speaking, I gently opened the half-covered window, and the room became much more transparent in an instant, with half of the sun shining down, mixed with fine dust.I pointed out the window: "Look, how peaceful this place is, with green mountains as companions and green waters as your companions, why did you abandon this place?" He smiled indifferently: "Since you think this place is good, why didn't you stay that day?" The scene of him staying with me that day flashed through my mind, and I resolutely chose to leave, and told myself that no matter what the outcome of the future, I will be calm face. I was a little stunned, and replied in a low voice: "I can't resist fate." He said bitterly, "Could I be able to withstand it?" Such helpless words made my heart sad. I nodded slightly: "Yes, since I can't make it, why should I force you, you have your life, not to mention your life is more difficult than mine." He smiled coldly, with a kind of coldness to see all the glitz, and sighed softly: "I am evil, have you forgotten? I was a swordsman, and hundreds of people died under my hands. The demon is kinder than me, and if I save one person, one will die..." I seemed to see that he was experiencing many painful struggles in his heart, and those cascading memories kept haunting him. However, the man who was born was imprisoned by so many painful memories and could not escape. I sighed: "Forget it, you will be liberated if you forget it, and you will be liberated if you forget it." He smiled wryly: "I haven't forgotten in my life, have you? I know everything, I have always known it, and I have never forgotten it." So helpless, it turns out that knowing everything is so much more painful than people who don't know.Indeed, knowing everything but being powerless to change everything is like being ignorant and living in a blurred world. The anger and depression I had just now were all gone, looking at him, I felt a faint pain in my heart, and said in a low voice: "But you don't want to be a swordsman again to kill people, you can't grow vegetables, you can't avoid the world, you can't live In the hidden life, you can set up a fortune-telling stall, catch demons, practice medicine if you can't, or go back to the temple." He raised his mouth and smiled: "If you say, you can do it, and you won't be hesitant today." "Are you hesitating?" I looked at him with sharp eyes. His voice was sad: "Yes, I am hesitant. There is no home for me in the vast world, and the huge world cannot tolerate me." "Then why do you want to assassinate the emperor?" I finally squeezed out what I wanted to ask. He turned his eyes to look at me, then shook his head slightly: "I didn't assassinate him, his death and life are not important to me at all. Besides, I know his ending, his ending is not up to me Arranged." I was puzzled: "Then why are you? His ending? How will his ending be?" I seemed a little nervous, trying to know Chunyi's ending, but so afraid to know. He looked at me with firm eyes: "Do you really want to know?" I nod. "No regrets?" "No regrets." I don't know why I took this sentence readily, it's useless to take it back after it's been said. "Blind, short life." He said it word by word. With a calm expression, I nodded: "I see." He looked at me: "You seem calm." "Yes, once upon a time, I was able to be calm." As I said it, I felt pain in my heart. Maybe I really didn't love Chunyi so deeply, why could I be so indifferent when I heard his ending.Am I heartbroken?There is pain, but the pain is very light and light. He looked at me peacefully: "Is there anything else you need to know?" I asked, "Why did you appear on Shenglong Street that day?" "Because of you." His eyes were burning, as if he wanted to penetrate into my heart. I smiled lightly: "Just for me?" "yes." I sneered: "Kill people for me, or save people for me." He smiled: "Just for you, to save you." "Then I thank you." I was still indifferent. "No, this is what I want to do. If I don't want to do it, no one can force me to." There is a kind of arrogance hidden between his brows, an arrogance that rivals the world. "But if you save me, one of you will die." I looked at him stubbornly, and even said with some anger. He smiled: "It's different this time. This time I rescued you only after one of them died first." I thought of Yanping. That day, Yanping blocked the sword for me first, and then when the man in black stabbed me again, It was Chu Yu who saved me with the sword. I sighed deeply: "No matter what it is, it is not what I want to see." He nodded: "I understand that I was the one who saved Yanping that day. Although she died because of you this time, it was actually me. Because I saved you, I must sacrifice her." I looked at him: "It was you who sent the note to my room in Miyuedu, asking me to go to the yamen to pick up the smoke screen the next day?" Actually, I had already guessed this matter, I guessed that it was Chu Yu He ordered me to go, but I still don't know how he did it, how he made the government put up a smoke screen. "It's me, but you also know it's me." He was very frank, so frank that he didn't hesitate to expose my heart. I smiled: "Yes, I know, but I don't know how you do it." He said indifferently: "The deceased is gone, since it was a matter of yesterday, don't mention it again, maybe you will understand in the future." "Okay, I really don't want to mention, about Yin Xianxian's death that day, about how Yanping was saved, I don't want to know, those things seem to have happened in the previous life, Miyuedu is the previous life, Yueyang Palace is the later life. "I have a kind of tiredness of exhausting thousands of sails. "It's good and bad for you to think so." "There is no good or bad, only yes and no." He looked at me: "Is there anything else you want to ask?" I shook my head lightly: "No, it's the same whether you ask or not." He laughed: "You are wrong. Asking is different from not asking. If you ask, you will have the answer you want to know. If you don't ask, the answer will be hidden." I proudly said: "I believe the answer will be hidden, but I believe even more that there will be a day when the truth will be revealed, and all the hiding is only for a more thorough result in the future." "You understand." "I didn't realize it, it's just a fact." "Yes, that's the fact. The longer it is hidden, the more thoroughly the result will be revealed." I am silent. He seemed unwilling to give up: "You really don't want to know who those men in black are? Why did they intercept you and assassinate you?" "No." I looked at him indifferently. "Then you don't want to know what I'm doing now and where I'm going?" His expression was slightly disappointed. "I don't want to." I was still stubborn.Then the tone became softer: "What do you want me to know about you? Even if I know, can I change anything? Chu Yu, I believe you, you have already been reborn, and you will not go back to do what you did before. People like you don’t bother to repeat the past. All you want to know is your own future, so you will go forward and don’t want to look back. Because the only thing you can’t predict is your own future. For this Only, you will go on." He sighed: "Only you understand me, you are such a smart woman." I smiled: "I forgot to tell you that no smart woman will have a good ending." Then I said, "By the way, some people say that unusual women cannot appear in the harem. Her appearance, either, is a powerful country. Or, it is a disaster for the country." He laughed and said, "The prince told you that you will bring disaster to the country." I looked at him in surprise: "How do you know?" After asking, I couldn't help chuckling, how could these things be hidden from Chu Yu who knew everything, although he couldn't see or hear, he could feel it.I asked in a low voice, "Am I really going to?" He looked at me peacefully: "Whether it will or not is not important. Even without you, the country will eventually fall. There is no country that will never change, and no dynasty that lasts forever." I sneered and said: "That's right, even if I don't have eyebrows bent, I can't get over that ending. It doesn't matter whether I am a powerful country or a disaster for the country. I don't need to be famous forever, and I don't care about being infamous for thousands of years." He praised: "Okay, you are the only one who can say such things with eyebrows bent, so pure, so decisive." I sighed: "The Buddha said that my mind is as clear as a mirror, and I can retract it freely. In fact, I am only half right. My mind is indeed as clear as a mirror, but I cannot retract it freely." Chu Yu leaned over and smiled: "Buddhas can't be retracted freely, let alone you, so don't complain, I can't either, if I can, I don't have to sink in the world and neglect Qiuchen." I smiled at him: "That's true, even Buddha and you can't, let alone me." "So, just continue to walk with a clear mind, and when it's time to end, it will naturally end." "Okay, just walk along the track of life like this, no matter what is ahead, don't look back." He nodded: "Yes, because looking back is not the shore, only the past has the shore." As the sun was setting, he and I stood quietly on the window sill, watching the bloody setting sun slowly sinking in the mountains, dyeing the whole sky, such a dazzling scene always reveals desolation.I love dusk, for this tragic beauty, for this desolate background, as if life would not be perfect without this background, and history would not be heavy without this background. The last touch of red receded, and the evening came slowly, and the evening wind gradually picked up, brushing my hair through the window, with countless traces of coolness. It was I who broke the long silence and said lightly: "I should go, it's getting late." "Yes, you should go. Tonight, I will stay, for you." He looked at me quietly, with tenderness and tenderness. "Okay, stay for me. No matter where you will go tomorrow, stay for me tonight." The words come from the heart, and they are so firm and sincere. I handed the jade pendant to him: "Take it. If you lose the jade, you will lose your soul. Jade can suppress evil spirits. I believe it will slowly recede the few evil thoughts left on your body." He didn't refuse because I didn't allow him to refuse.He took the jade and stroked it gently.Looking at me, she said softly, "Meiwan, let me hug you, is that okay?" "it is good." He gently hugged me in his arms, and I leaned against him. His clothes exuded the warm breath of a man in his prime, and there was also a faint scent of agarwood, no, it was the smell of Buddha.I have a firm hunch that Chu Yu won't become a demon, he won't. Leave him, leave him, all I have to do now is leave him.I don't need anyone to cling to me, and I don't need anyone to cling to me. Letting go of his embrace, I smiled lightly: "Chu Yu, you cherish me." After saying that, I turned around and left, without nostalgia, without holding on to my arms, standing in front of the shore, never looking back. Stepping out of the house, the twilight is getting darker, and the faint scent of osmanthus is more delicate and intoxicating in the evening wind, making people intoxicated.I took a deep breath, as if I wanted to take away the breath here, although I knew that I couldn't take anything away. Glancing at Hong Jian and Qiu Xi: "Sorry for keeping you waiting for so long." Without waiting for their reply, I walked towards the outside of the fence, and they followed me silently.I know, they understand me, at this time, all they have to do is to accompany me through the winding mountain path, get on the waiting carriage in front of Cuimei Temple, and then drive non-stop in the direction of Zijin City. The shore is ahead, never look back.