Chapter 58 Life is loose and we just want to be safe

I have been restless all day long, exhaustion has filled all my emotions, and many things that have happened and things that have never happened are entangled in my thoughts, and the sensitive heartstrings are tugged at every moment. Lying on the rosewood chair, I wanted to close my eyes and meditate, but my restless heart could not calm down.It's already afternoon, and there are green shades outside the window, and I can vaguely smell the fragrance of grass and trees, as well as a warm smell of the afternoon sun. Yanping was sitting under the window embroidering a silk handkerchief, and Hong Jian was also picking up needlework and learning aside. On the white silk handkerchief, I could faintly see green lotus leaves and red lotus flowers.I like to embroider a few plum blossoms on my silk handkerchief. Since Chunyi bestowed the name 'Mei', Yanping embroidered this word on the lower corner of the silk handkerchief for me. The red word is inlaid with gold. I always hope that this word can be given to me. Bring true auspiciousness and peace.

Called softly: "Red note." Hong Jian put down the needle and thread in her hand, walked over and asked with concern: "Miss, do you want to eat something?" I nodded: "Bring me a bowl of iced sour plum soup, remember to put only a little snowflake sugar." "okay." "Wait." I called out to her. She looked at me suspiciously: "What?" I pointed to the book case: "Bring me that "Nanhua Jing"." "Nanhua Jing", my favorite is Lao Zhuang's leisurely excursion. Whenever I feel confused, I like to read this Taoist scripture, looking for another self in the boundless world, and pursuing the true meaning of life.

"There is a fish in the Northern Darkness. Its name is Kun. The size of the Kun is unknown for thousands of miles. When it turns into a bird, its name is Peng. The back of the Peng is unknown for thousands of miles. When it flies in anger, its wings are like Clouds that hang from the sky. They are birds, and the sea will migrate to Nanming; those who are in Nanming are also Tianchi. Those who are harmonious are also those who are strange..." "Sister." At some point, Concubine Wu stood beside me. She was wearing a lavender palace dress with a few nimble butterflies embroidered on it.

I hurriedly got up: "Sister, when did you come, you didn't call me earlier." She smiled: "I only came here for a while. Seeing that my sister is concentrating on studying the scriptures, I don't want to disturb you. I just heard you read "Xiaoyaoyou". I felt deeply touched. I couldn't help but called my sister and wanted to read it with my sister." Hong Jian brought sour plum soup, and I hurriedly called out: "Sister, quickly drink a bowl of iced sour plum soup, the afternoon sun is the hottest, drink it to relieve the heat." She took a few sips, put down the silver bowl and said with a smile: "I don't like sour plum soup very much, but this iced one, with a little snowflake sugar added, tastes fragrant and cold, but it's delicious."

"I like this fragrant and cold taste. The sour plum quenches my thirst. I drink a lot every summer." When I speak, I can feel the fragrance on my lips and teeth, which is a kind of cold fragrance. There was concern on her face, and she said: "My sister's complexion still doesn't look very good." I sighed softly: "Yes, I feel uneasy, I don't know why." "Excessive panic is inevitable for anyone. Don't think too much, it's just that there is no danger, and you are already safe." "Yeah. So I borrowed the "Nanhua Sutra" to relieve my worries."

She smiled: "Sister, why don't we discuss classics while playing chess?" "That's a good idea, but my sister's chess skills are not good, so I dare not make moves in front of my sister." She shook her hand: "Don't say that, my sister was absent-minded that day, and besides, playing chess is purely for Tao Ran's pleasure, so what's the difference between winning and losing?" I smiled and said: "My sister is right, I am actually vulgar, there is no winning or losing in chess, everything depends on the heart." The empty chessboard just waits for us to fill it up. I have always believed that there are hidden mysteries in chess. The layout of chess is also the layout of life. A game of chess, the same goes for the pink, black and red faces of the Six Palaces.

She held black stones in her hand: "Sister, this time you and I will exchange, you hold white stones, I hold black stones." I nodded: "Okay, black and white are distinct, the black is thorough, and the white is firm. I like the colors on the chessboard." I dropped one first, and she dropped towards me in a different direction. Looking at the butterfly on her skirt, I thought of Zhuang Zhou's dream of a butterfly, so I asked with a smile: "Sister, people in the world say that it is Zhuang Zhou's dream of a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming of Zhuang Zhou, what do you think?"

She concentrates, puts down a son, and smiles: "Actually, what I want to express is Zhuang Zhou's carefree dream, a kind of unrestrained life and detachment of thought." "Yes, so whenever I see my sister, I think of a butterfly. Although I haven't seen my sister dancing, I can imagine that my sister is like a butterfly breaking out of a cocoon, passing through the world of mortals. Anxiang, with a graceful figure, danced the falling flowers affectionately, flew past Zhuang Zhou's cold dream, flew to the magnificent Zijin City, and became the dancing concubine of the Pianran Palace." I looked at the butterfly on her skirt, and couldn't help but be engrossed , thinking about it.

She smiled: "My sister really thinks too far. I really prefer butterflies. I just hope that I can break out of the cocoon like a butterfly, spread my wings, and die at the most brilliant time. Remember, it must be the most brilliant when." I have always thought that the quiet and gentle Concubine Wu actually gave me a dazzling brilliance at this time, as if her silence was just to break out of the cocoon, and she was waiting for the most gorgeous brilliance.I smiled: "Sister, why did you die at the most splendid time?" When I asked this question, I actually understood why, if it were me, I would rather choose to die at the most splendid time.

She smiled: "Because a woman like me doesn't want to live to the point where I have chicken skin and white hair. I will die before I get that old. Only by living brilliantly can I have no regrets." I smiled faintly: "I don't want to be brilliant, I just want peace. As the saying goes, there is no need to worry about suffering in the world. Life is scattered and I just want peace. This kind of state is easy to say, but it is really difficult to achieve." "It requires a process of tempering. Only those who have experienced brilliance will think of disappearing, and finally they can live with a normal heart. Neither you nor I have experienced that process, so it is too early to say that it is plain, but I can rise and fall in the sea of ​​the world." Her words revealed deep meaning, what she said is not that I don't understand, but I hate this process, glory is a painful process, like breaking a cocoon, it needs long-term brewing, and finally makes a difficult decision. break through.When it is splendid and brilliant, I am afraid that it will be gone before I enjoy it. Is it worth it?

Looking at a game of chess, black and white, very eye-catching, so eye-catching that I don't know which path to find for myself, as if every path can be taken, but every path is pointless.I chuckled: "Sister, why do I feel at a loss every time I play chess with you?" "Confused?" She looked at me in surprise. "Yes, I feel at a loss in the star-studded chess game, a kind of loss in life and world affairs, as if I don't know where to start and where to stop." "Is that what you said? I think that every road can be walked, and every road can find a direction." She was full of confidence. I held up a white coin and smiled: "I still can't figure it out after all. My sister is an expert and can take it in and out freely. I am the one who is up and down in the world, and I can't escape from mediocrity." "I think my sister is tired. Too many things have happened in recent days, and she has just recovered from a serious illness, and she has not fully recovered. It is indeed tiring to spend all this time. Let's take a break and play chess just for pleasure. Come down and chat." "Yeah." I nodded slightly, feeling a little dizzy. It was almost dusk, and the steaming heat outside the window hit the house through the green screen window, and there was still a gentle breeze under the thick shade, making it not so stuffy. I shook the round fan lightly and asked, "Sister, will you have dinner here in a while?" She declined and said: "Thank you sister, I'd better go back to Pianran Palace for dinner, you are not in good health, you have been bothering me for a long time." "My sister is too polite. I happen to be alone, and I feel boring to eat. With you here, it will be more lively." She smiled: "That's it, why don't you invite Sister Shutong and let's get together?" I said happily: "Okay, I will order someone to invite you." Turning his head to call Hong Jian: "Hong Jian, you tell Xiao Xingzi to go to Lingque Palace to invite Xie Ronghua over, and just say that Wu Fei and I are waiting here." Sip tea and chat, and ask Concubine Wu: "Sister, what kind of books do you usually read?" After thinking about it, she replied: "I rarely read books on weekdays. If I say I want to read, that's it. When I have nothing to do, I still like the days when I dance lightly and sing a pipa alone to play the neon clothes." "Sister likes to play the pipa?" I asked. "It's only occasionally. I'm not proficient in the music of silk and bamboo. It's just for comfort and self-comfort when I'm lonely. Dancing is my soul. If I lose dancing, I'll never be a dancing concubine again." She sighed a little. , the words seem to hide his intentions. I said in relief: "No, you will always be the emperor's dancing concubine, the dancing concubine of this harem, graceful, graceful, beautiful and elegant." She sighed: "Sister must also understand that piano, chess, calligraphy and painting are all about finding friends, and the same is true for dancing. Otherwise, no matter how beautiful the dancing posture is, it will just be nothingness and lose all its brilliance." "But my sister's dancing posture has the emperor's bosom friend. He understands your feelings, walked into the depths of your soul, and never came out again." "How did sister know? Did the emperor tell you to listen?" She asked happily. I nodded slightly, actually Chunyi never mentioned this in front of me, the reason why I said this was just to comfort the loneliness in her heart, there was no other intention. A helpless smile rose from the corner of her mouth: "Sister, it's been like this since ancient times. No matter how beautiful your face is, no matter how beautiful your love is, it will fade away with time. I'm afraid the emperor no longer loves my dance, sister..." She He stopped talking and didn't say any more. I lowered my eyebrows in thought, and sighed slightly: "Did sister ever blame me?" "Blame you?" She chuckled, "Sister, don't think so much. Even if you don't appear, there will be others. There are so many beauties in the world. Can I blame it? It's just that beauties also have to meet bosom friends, the emperor recognizes My sister is a true bosom friend, and no one can replace her." I sighed: "Nothing can last forever. Just now you also said that there are so many beautiful women in the world. I am not the first one, and I will definitely not be the last one." She smiled and said, "I didn't know who it was at the beginning, and I wouldn't know who it was at the end. Anyway, I was one of many people, and it was a kind of self-satisfaction." "Yes, there are not many people who can match my sister's current status, and I just want to be so ordinary, so that I can have a meaningless future." "I'm afraid it's impossible for my younger sister to want to be plain." She said her words in a subtle way, and I understand, in fact, I understand. At this time, I saw Xie Ronghua wearing a green gauze skirt, walking in briskly from the door, with a smile on his face: "What are the two sisters talking about? So engrossed?"