Chapter 2 dead rose

The singer didn't come. Xiaowan sat blankly on the railing of the subway entrance, watching the dusk fall layer by layer, and the familiar subway entrance was empty.The crowd came and went, so many people came from nowhere, but without him in the crowd, no matter how many people there were, it had nothing to do with her. No matter how crowded the subway station was, it was still empty. She closed her eyes and repeated a song in her heart.That's his favorite song to sing.Every time she came here, he would sing. The name of the song is "Dead Rose": "I don't care anymore, I send you a dead rose; my heart is ashes, my heart that would love is ashes; my tears, no tears can be squeezed out of sad eyes; they are like a dead rose to you, withered in winter ..."

Xiao Wan has a long history of family education, inherited family training, and has always loved drama. She has never heard any popular song concerts, but she has always liked listening to homeless singers singing at subway stations.They are usually young, have long hair, and their clothes are a bit dirty, but not terribly dirty.When singing, half-close your eyes, even though you are begging for money, you don’t even look at the people throwing money—because they are not beggars, they are entertainers. That's what Xiaowan thinks is the best pop music.See the desolation of life. If a person can seriously sing a song at such a time and such a place, then that song must be worth listening to.

All of Xiaowan's pop discs are collected according to this standard. ——But there was still no one time that would move her heart like that time, and she would forget herself in an instant. It was a winter night half a year ago. I forgot why I passed by there. I took that subway, passed that platform, saw that person, and heard that song.I just remember that at the moment of listening to it for the first time, she had been captured and never belonged to me. The boy who sang was called A Tao, and he was only twenty years old at most, but his handsome face was written with indelible vicissitudes.Wearing a tattered denim jacket, the original color can no longer be discerned, but because of the oldness, it is particularly appropriate and blends in with people.It's like his singing blends with the subway and the night.

He held a guitar that was as old as his clothes and fit properly in his arms, looked at the exit of the subway station and sang, "I don't care anymore, I'll send you a dead rose..." The desolate voice deepens the desolation and sadness of the winter night little by little. The traffic is rushing behind, pedestrians are coming and going, the sun is setting and the neon lights are on, nothing can stay, but the voice of the young singer is real and sincere of. Xiao Wan suddenly burst into tears. Since then, I have developed the habit of changing cars three times a night and running all the way to that subway station to listen to music.

Listened to it all winter. If someone passed that platform in that winter, they might remember such a picture - the handsome boy and the beautiful girl faced each other across a platform entrance. Full of tears, the whole face is vivid and sensual.The flow of people behind me is like endless years, but the tears of girls and the songs of boys are eternal. Such a picture is called youth. It was not until a long time later that Xiao Wan found out that when she had to change trains three times to get to the subway station just to listen to A Tao's song, A Tao also made a special trip to sing for her through the winter wind from October to December.In fact, during this period, he had already found a job as an evening resident singer in a bar, so he could bid farewell to his career in the subway. It was only for her that he gave up prime time and came to the subway station in spite of the weather.Not only endure the cold, but also dodge the cops.

When Xiaowan knew all this, she had already fallen in love with him deeply. She couldn't help but love him.The drama and tragedy of the story itself is both a sharp sword and an opium for a nineteen-year-old girl, and it has irresistible lethality. That day, the two of them sat side by side on the railing, watching the flow of people getting on and off the car, and felt that they had endless words to say.In fact, he didn't say a few words from beginning to end.The joy of being in love overwhelms everything, and the young heart has not had time to experience it, and there is no room for other considerations.Anyway, the days are still long, and there are tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the endless future...

However, the day after she confessed her love, Atao disappeared. Xiaowan didn't give up, and still ran to the subway station every day to wait, not believing that her first love would come and go so quickly. I have been waiting for seven days. On the evening of the seventh day, when she finally waited for him to appear at the exit of the subway station carrying a guitar, she was so excited that she rushed towards him without emotion. However, he avoided him and said coldly: He is leaving.To leave Beijing.Because, a record company in Shanghai intends to sign a contract with him. Shanghai, that romantic city, indirectly ended Xiaowan's first love in this way.

Between her and him, apart from those songs and waiting, there was not even a hug, and no goodbye was cherished. He was gone and has not been heard from since. But she couldn't forget him.And still often in a cold evening, I changed trains alone three times to the subway station entrance, sat on the cold railing for a long time and stared at the subway station in a daze.The crowd was endless, but she still seemed to be able to hear Atao's cold singing: "My love has turned to ashes, like a rose withered in winter..." For a long time, she has been looking for the CD of that song everywhere, but she has never found it, and she has not even heard a second person sing it.Later, she finally figured out that it was probably a song composed by Atao himself.

Thinking of this, she couldn't let go of a thought anyway: a song can be like a person, it is a kind of fate, if you miss it, it will be difficult to meet again. Later, she learned from an article in a magazine that dead roses are a popular custom abroad: when a lover breaks up, the lovelorn will give the old lover a dead rose on Valentine's Day, representing the lost love. So, is Atao commemorating a dead love? That love story should have happened before she met him.She was too late to participate. She has no time to participate in his past, and she will never have the chance to participate in his future.

The fate between her and him began with a song, and that song represented dead love. From the beginning, it was destined to end. It was completely dark, and small vendors began to do business under the shelter of the night, selling pirated CDs, underground books, fake antiques, or rough imitations of plaster statues of Venus. The strangest thing is that some people are selling ghost paper , without hesitation, peddling: "The living should not forget the dead. If you have money to spend, you should also send some money to your deceased friends. Ten yuan for one hundred thousand yuan, yin and yang exchange, cheap, cheap..."

It's ridiculous. Xiao Wan remembered again that today is the fourteenth day of the seventh lunar month, Ghost Festival. She jumped off the railing, walked onto the platform, and walked back home. However, as soon as she stepped into the subway station, a boy walked up to her and handed her a bunch of dead dried flowers that had rusted to iron gray: "Miss, do you want to buy flowers?" Xiaowan was startled, and looked at the boy intently: "What kind of flower is this?" "Dead rose." "Dead roses?" Xiao Wan's heart beat violently, and she looked at the boy more intently, "Why did you sell dead roses?" "Today is Ghost Festival. Ghost money is burned for dead relatives, and roses are burned for dead love." The boy replied fluently, "Miss is so young, she probably won't feel the pain of losing a loved one. I see you sitting on the railing so You look lonely, maybe you’ve lost your love? Buy a bouquet of dead roses and burn it to your first love. Burn it, and you won’t be sad anymore.” Xiaowan looked at the boy, he was no more than fifteen years old, but he behaved like an old man who sees through the world and understands the world.Such a secret festival, such a secret flower, such a secret word. She felt a little cold again. The boy was already urging: "Miss, do you want to buy it?" Xiaowan decided to be sure, so she had to pay for a bouquet of flower corpses. 15 yuan a branch is really expensive, even higher than the price of flowers. However, the fairy-like little boy knew everything in his mind: "Of course, memories are more precious than reality." Xiao Wan was completely convinced by this elf boy, she couldn't figure out whether the boy's words were written by a master behind the scenes for him to memorize, or they came from a naive heart. The subway came whistling, like a messenger from hell wanting to carry people into the underworld. Xiaowan threw the flower to the track, since it was given to her dead love, let it fall into mud and dust under the wheels. But, from now on, will I really forget A Tao, forget that period of green and painful first love memories? In a daze, she saw a figure bumping into the subway, suddenly bursting like fireworks, Xiao Wan exclaimed, and turned around quickly to look for the figure of the flower boy in the crowd, but she saw nothing. The cold hit, she jumped onto the subway in a hurry, still shivering uncontrollably. The mysterious subway entrance swallows people in and spits them out, and they are already in another place. Xiaowan’s family lives in Gongzhufen—this is a very noble and unlucky place name, the princess and the tomb, the two concepts of heaven and earth are connected together to form a dreamy and chilling tragic image, which is absurd and also a great realization— —I don’t know if there are any places in foreign countries that use such harsh words to name places. I heard that the cemetery is called Anyuan. How can the residential area under the blue sky be called a grave? Where do you live?Live in graves.What's the matter?But Beijingers insisted on calling this name for several lifetimes, and never thought of changing it.And I am used to calling it, adding a rhyme at the end, saying "Princess Grave", I still feel very kind, and I never think there is anything wrong with a living person living in a cemetery. Xiaowan repeated the same conversation for nineteen years, and the people who asked and answered were quite natural.In the eyes of Beijingers, Gongzhufen is just a clear boundary, and the meaning of the word itself has long been ignored. But tonight, the night of July 14th, Xiao Wan realized the horror of this street name for the first time—someone was burning Mingqian at the street corner, someone was calling for souls, and someone was throwing wine and food into the fire, saying it was Dead ghosts will come to eat——today is Ghost Festival, the ghost festival in the world, and the "Human Festival" in the underworld, because ghosts with endless grievances will come to the world today and live a few days of human life again. The way they came up, Are you going through the cemetery?Would you treat Princess Tomb as a cemetery, go the wrong way, admit the wrong person, go to the wrong body and avenge the wrong revenge? A gust of wind blows, and the dim money paper ash that flickers on and off the ground suddenly flies up, turning into thousands of gray butterflies, and floats towards Xiao Wan.Xiaowan was shocked, and ran away, repeating three words in her heart like a drum-Gongzhufen!Princess Tomb!Princess Tomb! The door of the house is familiar, but when she pushed the door, Xiao Wan still had goosebumps, as if she was not pushing the door of her own house, but the residence of an old friend from a certain dynasty, looking for an old friend who had been lost for many years .Looking back, she always felt that someone was following her. There is nothing behind.But Xiaowan still looks back frequently.It seems that the singing of "A Chinese Girl Liaison" is still lingering in my ears: "Sneaking in the dark, chic and unrestrained, here I am stepping on the shore sand, stepping on the moon, watching the thousands of mountains and rivers, all in just a moment..." But finally home. Home is the safest refuge. The unique atmosphere of home dispels the fear and inexplicable sadness lingering in Xiaowan's heart in an instant. The smell includes the sandalwood in grandma's house, the fragrance of old wine made of sweet-scented osmanthus from her father, The barking and arrogance of my puppy Dongdong, as well as my mother's cumin fried meat and sweet and sour fish head. Xiaowan jumped into the kitchen and shouted happily: "Mom, you burned my favorite dish!" Dongdong barked and followed in and out, his tail flicking like a hot wheel. Mom made an affectionate gesture and hit her head with a shovel: "How many times have I said that cooking is cooking, what kind of cooking, it seems that I am going to set fire to the kitchen." Xiao Wan ducked her head.Dongdong was eager to protect the Lord, and immediately rushed forward and barked.My mother laughed so angrily, kicked it along the leg, and scolded: "Damn dog, feed you every day, and dare to play prestige at me!" Xiao Wan clapped her hands and laughed.Dad Shui Rong was already in the living room and shouted impatiently: "Daughter, come out and play chess with Dad." Xiaowan smiled and walked out with her hands behind her back: "It seems that all dads in the world can only do two things: drink old wine and play chess." "But not all fathers like to play chess with their daughters." Shui Rong quickly said, laughing. Xiaowan thought about it seriously, and nodded in agreement: "That's right, they like to look for old men under street lights." "Father is not an old man." "Of course, Dad is an old guy." Xiao Wan jumped into his father's arms, "I have never seen a more mature and handsome guy than Dad!" "Wrong, it shouldn't be a young man, but a talented man!" Shui Rong smiled, and handed his daughter a piece of rice paper dripping with ink, "Look at my new poem." "I don't know poetry." "I don't need to understand much. I never really understood the rules of 'Gu Ping' and 'Saving'. It's good to have a meaning." It is a seven character poem: I only see sentient beings but don't see immortals, and I listen to gongs and drums in the distance and Zen in the near. The tile houses in the Liyuan disappear together, and the Yanyue, Qing and Shang dynasties disappear together. Water sleeves are not as chaotic as red sleeves, Su'e is more wronged than Dou'e. Whoever imitates Peking Opera as flowing water, there will always be gurgling every year. Xiaowan read it, thoughtfully, and praised: "Good poem!" Shui Rong laughed loudly: "You don't understand? Tell me, what's a good way?" This is also an old habit of Shui Rong. If he is not good, he will definitely explain to himself that it is actually a good poem for a long time; if he praises him, he will force others to explain how it is good. Xiao Wan said with a smile: "If I have to explain it sentence by sentence, I can't explain it clearly. But the general meaning is known. The good thing is that the allusions are natural and appropriate, and you can pick them up at your fingertips. The centralized performance of dramas flourished in the Qin Dynasty, and in the Han Dynasty. Hundreds of operas were performed in the palace, and in the temples in the Northern Wei Dynasty. In the Tang Dynasty, they were still concentrated in the palace and the major temples in Chang'an. Tang Minghuang established the "Pear Garden", formed a troupe to sing operas, and sometimes appeared on stage by himself; in the Song Dynasty, there was finally a special performance The places in the east, south, west, and north cities are called "Washers", and there are ten "Goulan Sheds" in each Washer, but later became synonymous with brothels and brothels, which is actually a mistake. This poem "Liyuan Washe Tong Xiaomi" refers to all theaters, while "Yan Yue Qing Shang Gong Miao Ran" refers to all dramas, because Emperor Sui Yang gathered the "San Yue" of the four countries in the capital Luoyang, divided into Nine parts, including 'Yanyue, Qingshang, Xiliang, Funan, Goryeo, Kucha, Anguo, Shule, Kangguo' etc. Am I not mistaken?" "It's so precious!" Shui Rong rubbed her hands together and praised, complacently saying, "My good daughter, she is really my father's confidant. Then tell me, what kind of emotion am I expressing?" "I can't explain this even more. There is always a gray tone in the first half. What's said, "Water sleeves are not as messy as red sleeves, and Su'e is more injustice than Dou'e" all express the decline of opera, the loneliness of high-ranking and widowed, and in the end, talking is better than nothing. It is a kind of blessing to opera, and I hope it has a long history." Shui Rong’s excitement was still unfinished, and she still had to ask again, Xiaowan shouted: “Okay, okay, I don’t bring this kind of thing, I’m tired after a day, I’m finally home, and I still have to take the exam! I’m starving to death! I’m starving to death! " My mother came out with the dishes, and she seemed to be annoyed and smiled: "It's not like old, and it's not like young." Grandma came out punctually when she smelled the smell of rice, and immediately said, "Who dares to say old in front of me?" "No one dares to say, who dares to be older than you, you are Lafayette, a living Bodhisattva!" Xiaowan smiled, gave up her seat to grandma, handed her rice bowl and chopsticks to her hands, and sat down opposite her, solemnly Announced: "Everyone, I learned a big insight today: I opened the 'Meiying suitcase'." Grandma finished the bowl and asked anxiously, "What? What suitcase?" "Meiying's suitcase. It's the outfit that Ruo Meiying, who was popular in both Beijing and Shanghai before the liberation, wore when she sang "A Chinese Girl Leaving the Soul". Grandma's expression froze quickly, and her lips trembled slightly, as if she had been greatly shocked. Shui Rong was startled, and hurriedly asked: "Mom, what's wrong with you?" Unexpectedly, grandma didn't seem to hear her at all, but she grabbed Xiao Wan's hand and asked, "Is that suitcase you're talking about, is it leather burnt, with a erotic picture painted on it?" Without waiting for Xiao Wan's answer, she was careful To describe in detail, "Those clothes are divided into three layers, inside and outside. The top is a sleeve, the embroidered pattern is clouds covering the moon, and there is a head mask box in the box, and one of the rhinestones is missing..." "How do you know so clearly?" Xiao Wan couldn't help interrupting. Grandma sighed, "Why didn't I know? I sorted and sealed those clothes with my own hands." Xiao Wan and her father looked at each other in blank dismay, both of them were speechless for a moment in shock.Although grandma was originally an old man in the troupe, she has been working in the logistics department and has nothing to do with Mei Ying's suitcase. However, what Grandma said next surprised them even more—— "It's not just "A Chinese Ghost Story", I sorted all Meiying's suitcases. Back then, I was her body suit and served her for seven whole years." Xiao Wan almost fainted, and it took her a long time to cry out, "Coating? Did you coat Ruomeiying?" "That's right. I have been with Miss Ruo since I was nine years old. I was both a maid and a maid. From Hangzhou to Beijing, and then from Beijing to Shanghai, I followed her for seven years, until she got married and quit the show business." "and after?" "After it was liberated, the theater was incorporated, and I became a member of the government. I was transferred to Beijing to work in the troupe's logistics until I retired." Xiaowan murmured: "You never told me..." Shui Rong sighed: "Even I don't know." "You didn't ask me either. I thought that no one remembered Ruo Meiying anymore." Grandma said a little aggrieved, "No one ever told me that Miss Ruo's suitcase was kept in the regiment. I thought, They were all burned up during the Cultural Revolution. I haven’t seen those suitcases for more than 50 years since they were sealed in 1948. I have worked in a theater troupe for half my life, but I never thought that I would always be close to those suitcases… ..." "Did you not look for her afterwards?" "Why didn't I look for it? But after she got married, she went to Guangdong with that officer, and she never heard from her again. Later, she lost her voice, couldn't sing, and smoked opium, let alone. It seems that there was another My child, I can’t figure it out. After liberation, I also tried to inquire everywhere. I only heard that she was also recruited by the government, but no one knew the details. I didn’t know that Ms. Ruo had been recruited until the "Tai Temple case" came out in 1966. I'm in Beijing, but for some reason, she didn't come to see me, and it's too late for me to find her..." "The Taimiao case? What's going on?" Mother interrupted uneasily: "Xiao Wan, don't just talk about these things at the dinner table, children don't ask questions about the past." Grandma was also startled, and echoed, "That's right, today is the fourteenth day of the lunar calendar, so it's taboo to talk less about life and death. It's also strange, it's rare to see rain on July fourteenth, and it's cloudy early this morning." , made me feel empty and uncomfortable all day long." This is the second time Xiao Wan heard the same words today. She did feel that something had happened.There is a secret that has been buried for a long time, and it seems to be rushing out of the ground. She has seen the buds of the secret, but cannot see the root of the secret.If the secret were a flower, what fruit would it bear? At night, Xiaowan had a dream, dreaming that she was walking at night in brocade clothes, walking in the cemetery wearing Meiying's Lihun clothes, the wind rang lonely in the forest, and there were a couple of birdsong from time to time, but no trace of flying could be seen , perhaps, that is just the soul of a bird? When a person dies, he becomes a ghost, and when a bird dies, what happens? The grass in the tomb was luxuriant, and Xiaowan walked lonely among the grass, and saw rust-colored dead roses blooming all around.