Chapter 10 10. The Misunderstood Poppy

The candlelight of the aromatherapy lamp casts my shadow on the opposite wall, gray, thin, and slightly shaking. After the spring flowers and autumn moon, through the wind and rain, and ten years of lovesickness and repentance. Things change secretly, cold and heat turn darkly, but the shadow is still lonely. Shadow, shadow, if I lose my heart and love, am I just like you, just a colorless shadow, or like a shadow that loses its light and shape?Or, I am not a complete and living person, but I have been the shadow of Yizhong for more than 20 years. Now that Yizhong is gone, my shadow has lost its light?

Yizhong, Yizhong, are you alive or dead, please give me some news?let me know where are youI won't bother you anymore, won't pester you anymore, won't force you to be nice to me anymore, I just need to know that you are nice.Yizhong, you promise me, give me a letter, a phone call, let me know that you are alive, you live well, okay, Yizhong? The shadow has been wandering alone on the wall for ten years. I have not seen Yizhong for ten years. Ten years of life and death, without thinking, never forgetting.Yizhong, does he still remember me? Maybe he doesn't remember me anymore, maybe he's married again and has kids.It doesn't matter, as long as you let me know that he is doing well, I will be satisfied.

In ten years, my mother finally waited for her happiness and was able to remarry. The object is not Mr. Xing. My mother said: "Loving someone is not the most important thing in life, getting someone is the real life." For the choice of love, my mother has always been wiser than me. The older sister had a more successful career and, like all successful people in business, started moving into real estate.She is Scarlett Scarlett in modern China, who firmly believes that no matter what the times are, the land is always the most solid.And like Ye Zizhen, she also began to have a hobby of collecting antique furniture, especially in Huanghuali wood.

Ye Zizhen and I have become friends, and we keep in touch with each other from time to time.Sometimes when two people quarreled, they would rush to Hua Zhiyun to complain to me and ask for a fair assessment.Especially Hu Sirong, she started to gain weight after marriage, and she likes to complain about her husband. Every third sentence, she would murmur, curse and flaunt, "That damn ghost", with the expression of quarreling, just like Sha's back then. little plum.She seems to have completely forgotten the marriage life I had with Zizhen, and only regards me as a close friend of her own.

It is Ye Zizhen who refuses to forget, he is still unwilling to be lonely, but he will not cause such big troubles as extramarital pregnancy again.Now he already knows how to deal with the relationship between his wife and lover.Once he said to me: "If I knew that emotional games are actually such a repetitive activity, I shouldn't have left you in the first place. After running a lot, you are actually the best." I interrupted him gently: "That's because you lost me. In fact, the real best should be the one you really got." The reason is very simple, but not everyone is willing to believe it.

Even I don't believe it myself, because I also gave up on Ye Zizhen, and miss Yizhong bitterly. Yizhong, have I lost you forever? The yard of the villa is full of honeysuckle, which are evergreen all year round. They remind me of the existence of Yizhong all the time.But I can't see him or hear him. Yizhong has always been a person who is good at escaping, but this time, he escaped too thoroughly, to the point of cruelty. But I can't hate him.If you love someone too much, you can't hate them. I walked into Song Yizhong's house in my dream, and saw him sleeping soundly on the bed, with his brows furrowed tightly in his sleep, endlessly troubled and worried.I gently wiped away the sad lines for him, and tears fell drop by drop.

When I woke up, the pillow was wet and unspeakably cold.My arms hugged each other, no matter how tightly I hugged, it was still cold. I know that neither Yizhong nor I can get out of the shadow of Xiao Lizi's unjust death.Guilt and remorse will accompany us to old age and death. At that time, he concealed the truth for fear of being involved in the murder suspect, thinking that in this way he could escape all possible responsibilities and dangers.But now I know, I was wrong.Although speaking out may be suspected and prosecuted, there is at least half the possibility of clarifying the injustice.If I don’t say anything, I’m doomed to bear a moral sentence and become a life-long prisoner with no chance of bail.

Bai Shao and her brother-in-law also know the truth, but they don't feel guilty.Because they protected their innocent sister and took it for granted. Therefore, they couldn't understand my self-seeking troubles, and regarded my self-blame as Xianglin's wife's confession.Whenever I started, my sister would interrupt me impatiently: "Yes, yes, you really regret it. You only knew that wolves would come to the village in winter without food, but you didn't know that there would be wolves in spring..." Oh, I miss Yizhong.Only he will understand my heart.We are sick and sympathetic, and our hearts are connected.However, we are far apart.

Lotus heart tea is added with lotus seed core, which is bitter and slightly fragrant.Yizhong, I want to have a drink with you again, facing the moon! Yizhong, where are you? Bai Shao came to me one morning, her expression was a little embarrassed, it was difficult to distinguish between joy and sorrow, but she was obviously excited, not because of joy, but because of nervousness: "Sister, something happened." She is almost forty years old this year, but she is still so good, whenever something happens, she is excited, no matter if it is good or bad. I was pruning a pot of hibiscus flowers when I heard that I put down the bamboo scissors and waited for her to finish.

"It's about Xiao Lizi. I made a new discovery." Bai Shao walked up and down the room restlessly, inexplicably excited, "She really committed suicide, and the murderer has surrendered himself. We had foreseen it, and I said at that time This thing is strange, I really guessed right!" I understand, no wonder Bai Shao is so disturbed, she is excited about her foresight, but suffers from the fact that since she has concealed it for ten years, she can't share this achievement with everyone now, so she feels depressed. I didn't care to analyze her psychology in detail, so I asked anxiously: "What's going on? Please explain clearly!"

"Your brother-in-law's friend said it. A few days ago, a criminal was arrested and sentenced to death. Anyway, he couldn't survive. When he confessed his crimes before his death, he personally confessed that he killed someone in a certain month. , when the case is investigated, it turns out to be Xiao Lizi." Following my sister's narration, a cruel scene unfolded in front of me: that day, I left Song's house after serving Xiao Lizi to sleep.Maybe it was because I didn't close the door tightly when I left, or maybe I broke the lock by breaking the door. In short, shortly after I left, a thief sneaked into Song's house.After he succeeded in stealing, he suddenly became lustful when he saw Xiao Lizi who was sleeping soundly.When he wanted to do something wrong, Xiao Lizi woke up with a start, vowed to die, and shouted for help.In a panic, the thief picked up the lamp and slammed it on Xiao Lizi's head a few times.At that time, he thought that Xiao Lizi had been crushed to death, and he was startled and frightened. When he suddenly saw the burning aromatherapy lamp, he became malicious, turned on the gas, locked the door layer by layer, and fled.He originally thought that the gas explosion would completely blow up the scene, thus achieving the purpose of destroying the corpses.Unexpectedly, Xiao Lizi did not die, and the aromatherapy lamp did not cause an earth-shattering explosion, only a fire.The thick smoke woke up Xiao Lizi again——As for why Xiao Lizi pushed the window and jumped off the building after the fire truck arrived, experts analyzed that he was in a state of insanity and rushed to leave the fire scene. jumped down.The purpose is not to commit suicide, but on the contrary, to survive... My tears welled up again, Xiao Lizi, her injustice has finally come to light, and her spirit in heaven should also rest in peace! The sister finally said: "The police have found Song Yizhong and notified him of this matter. Yizhong is now in the mountainous area of ​​southern Shaanxi. Unfortunately, he refuses to come back..." "Yizhong is in the mountainous area of ​​southern Shaanxi?" I was surprised again.There were too many accidents today, too many for me to accurately receive, "What did Yizhong go to the mountains for? How is he doing now? Is he doing well? Why didn't he come back?" "You ask me so many all at once, who am I going to ask?" My sister giggled nonchalantly, "Look at you, you cry like this as soon as you hear Yizhong's name, you really owe me all your life." I have been with him for more than twenty years, and I still can't figure it out." But I can't listen to my sister's words anymore, I only have one concept in my mind: I want to find Yizhong, I want to see Yizhong, I want to see Yizhong! I finally met Song Yijung. Yizhong, my elder brother, I hardly recognize him anymore. Ten years, it's been ten years, I haven't seen him for ten years.Ten years, just ten years?He looked as if his whole life had passed. How can you believe that the wrinkled and emaciated person in front of you is Song Yizhong? He is old and vicissitudes, clearly already an old man.Thin, so thin that the skin covered the bones; black, so black that it was as dry as burnt wood.It was as if the fire in the Song family had burned his youth and fighting spirit.He lived stealthily in the fire, but only half of his life survived, and the other half of his life was buried in the fire and turned into ashes.No, he is not Yizhong, this old Chinese doctor with a worried face is not the real Song Yizhong, but just Yizhong's shadow. Ten years ago, Yizhong went to the mountainous area with a delegation for free clinics, and thus noticed this corner forgotten by civilized society, this impoverished and primitive paradise.He was rushed back to Xi'an because of the early termination of the free clinic because of the news of Xiao Lizi's death. After burying his wife, his shadow returned to the mountain village alone.The investigation team had left long ago, but his shadow remained, and he was sentenced for himself, exiled for life, and reformed through labor to atone for his sins. His crime was to help me conceal the truth and cause my wife to die unjustly!He couldn't bear the blame of his conscience, let alone face me.So, he imprisoned himself in this remote mountain isolated from the world, made grass for a hut, and collected medicine for a living. For ten years, he did not know how many poor and sick villagers he had saved, but he still could not save himself.Because, deep in the mountains and forests, there is no grass called Wangyoucao! With tears streaming down my face, I called him: "Brother, I'll come to see you." He looked at me, but just indifferently.After a while, he slowly said, "It's you, Bai Shu." "It's me, senior brother. I found you with great difficulty. I want to tell you that the matter of my sister-in-law has been found out, and the murderer has been caught..." "I already know." Yizhong said indifferently, "The police came to look for me. I knew you would come." "I'll pick you up. Brother, let's never separate again, okay? I've been looking for you for ten years and loved you for twenty years. Now, there is no reason for us to separate..." Suddenly, I felt that this passage was very familiar. Ten years ago, in Beijing, by the lotus pond, I also asked him like this—Yizhong Yizhong, I have been waiting for you for ten years, don’t waste any more time. From now on, I will never leave you again.I've come a long way to find you, don't run away from me anymore. I remember at that time, Yizhong promised me: no, never again.I will repay you for many ten years and all your love. However, he finally betrayed me, left without saying goodbye again, and left me for another full decade. I was crying, mourning the impossibility of life.When I begged, I already had a premonition of the desperate answer.Even if Yizhong promises me, will he do it?What's more, the answer he gave me was veto—— "Go back?" Yizhong repeated hesitantly, then slowly shook his head, "I don't want to go back. I like this place, and I'm used to it. I'm a Chinese medicine practitioner, and the most suitable place is to stay in the mountains." "Then what about me? Elder brother, what should I do?" I asked in confusion, as if going back to twenty years ago, the twelve-year-old girl who had just lost her father, she needed the protection of the elder.But her elder brother, why did he have the heart to ignore her? "Bai Shu, you've grown up." The senior brother's eyes finally fell on me, and it was the first time he looked at me seriously since we met. "Bai Shu, you are still so beautiful, you have not changed at all. But I am different, I am old, I no longer belong to the city, I have become a person in this mountain, and I can never go back. Bai Shu, you forgot me Bar." Like being struck by lightning, I almost doubted my ears. forgot about him?I have loved him for twenty years, and I have waited for him for twenty years. Today, we are finally free and meet again, but he made me forget him?Brother, how can you bear it? "No!" I cried, hugging him, barely standing still.Even if he is a withered honeysuckle, he should be reborn in my tears. "Eldest brother, I don't believe you will forget me. We are destined. We have been entangled for twenty years, and we can finally be together. How can you bear to let me go? Eldest brother, come with me, follow me back to Xi'an, I It will help you regain your foothold in the city. You know that I am willing to give everything for you, you know that. Brother, tell me, what can I do for you? What can I do to make you think of me again?" "Bai Shu, do you have money?" The elder brother suddenly asked, hesitantly, mutteringly, eagerly, "I want to have a good meal, please treat me, okay?" I took a step back and couldn't help but take another step back. The heart sinks again and again, sinking, sinking into the bottomless abyss.Although from the first sight of meeting, I already found that the elder brother has become an authentic farmer, but I still didn't expect him to become so thorough. Ten years, ten years is really a long time.Ten years of eating and sleeping in the open, ten years of hunger and cold, ten years of physical and mental exhaustion.Song Yizhong, he is really dead and does not exist anymore. Today's big brother is just a shell, without the feelings and thoughts of the past.The vitality of his life has long been dried up by the mountain wind and swallowed up by the forest fire.He had—became a savage! He licked his lips, those chapped, bloodless lips, and the primitive desire in his eyes—the desire for food.He urged impatiently: "Do you have money? Let me have a good meal. I know there is a restaurant at the entrance of the village, the only restaurant here. I want to eat pork stewed potatoes." restaurant.The only restaurant in the village. Can that be called a hotel?A piece of rag picked up the word "wine" and spread it weakly in the wind.In an ordinary farm house, there are several long tables and benches.The front is the store, and the back is the house.The proprietress wore an apron, and after feeding the pigs, she came to feed the people.He was full of smiles, very satisfied, after all, it was the only restaurant in the village. There is no recipe, and you can eat what you have, and all you have is just village vegetables and wild food. "There is stewed potato with pork." The proprietress boasted, as if stewed potato with pork was the rarest delicacy in the world. The elder brother also smiled heartily at the smiling face of the proprietress, obviously agreeing how gratifying it is to have pork stewed potatoes.He said with a little pride: "This is my junior sister, from Xi'an city, please invite me. I want pork stewed potatoes, put more meat, and fill it up." My heart was so sad that I looked at him and couldn't say a word.Once again, it is clear that we have not seen each other for ten years. The meaning of time has never been more concrete and vivid before me than at this moment.Ten years, it turns out that ten years can really completely transform a person.For ten years, my dear Yizhong hid in the deep mountains and old forests, without TV or telephone, drinking water, and being with apes.The farthest place he saw was the entrance of the village, the most luxurious formation he had ever seen was this small restaurant, and the most delicious treat he came into contact with was stewed potato with pork—at first it was for self-exile, but later it became a habit.He has accepted the change in his life from the bottom of his heart and has no intention of looking back.Today's city is already a distant fairy tale for him. I really want to be able to conjure a table of delicacies from mountains and seas immediately, but in this remote mountain village, even if I have money, I can't buy vegetables, fish and shrimps other than pork stewed with potatoes.Besides, even if you can buy it, it may not be as delicious as potato stewed pork for Yizhong.The protracted cold life has made him lose his taste buds for tasting old red wine, let alone enjoying a meal of ostrich teppanyaki in a calm manner.Does he remember my lily and green fruit ice cream with hibiscus compote? I want to ask him: Do you remember the huanghuali wood furniture of the Bai family?Remember watching an all-night movie with me on Valentine's Day?Remember the cruise ship of Xingqing Palace?Remember our jokes and prayers about elopement?Remember my Baihua porridge and my deep and persistent love for him? But in the end I didn't ask anything, so what else?So what if he remembered?The past can never come back, he is no longer the big brother of Yizhong.Maybe it is better to forget the old love and entanglement than to remember it. I took out all the money I had on my body and put it on the table, and said softly, "Brother, I leave these to you, take care." The old-fashioned radio in the small restaurant plays another old-fashioned love song: What can I dedicate to you, my love. For my lover, the sweet smile and long-lasting love have faded away, and all I can give him is a little money. Do you have money?Let me have a good meal. This is the only request my lover has for me, and the so-called good one is just stewed potato with pork.My love, my love, this is the first time you begged me for a bowl of potato stewed pork. No, this village doctor who is obsessed with food is not my Yizhong.My Yizhong died in the Song family fire ten years ago.What he left me is eternal pain and memory. My heart ached, I stood up and said, "Brother, I'm leaving." Yizhong didn't look up, he was still concentrating on the bowl of yams and pork. At this moment, in this world, no one or anything is more important and precious than that bowl of pork. I parted the curtain and went out, not intending to look back. Yizhong Yizhong, I have been waiting for you for twenty years, and today, I finally have a suitable identity to be together. How could I have thought that it would be like this when we meet again?Yizhong oh Yizhong... One step, another step, the heart aches so much that it convulses, the pain makes it weak, and even breathing is urgent. I trudged along, ordering myself not to look back.That's not my big brother anymore.The man who gave me roses for the first time in my life took me around to taste food, taught me to use a knife and fork and taste coffee.Now, he has completely become a village farmer, not only on the outside, but also on the inside. The field is a thick green, so thick that people can't open their eyes.However, on the edge of the field, there are a few sparse red grass flowers, which are full and flamboyant, stinging people's hearts. My heart skipped a beat, is it Poppy? Legend has it that farmers in southern Shaanxi once had a history of growing poppies to extract opium, which was strictly prohibited before liberation.Could it be that this remote village, relying on the height of the mountains and the distance from the emperor, allowed the poppies to revive their corpses and spread again? I walked over instinctively, pinched a flower and sent it to my nose to sniff lightly, carefully identifying it.The flower stems are slender and straight, the petals are as thin as cicada wings, and the green leaves are like feathers with jagged edges, and the fragrance is fresh.I woke up suddenly, and it was not poppies, but poppies, which belonged to the same family as poppies. Poppy is also known as "Dancing Grass". It dances in the breeze, dancing sadly and lightly. The past suddenly came to my mind.I remember that winter, on the morning of the second day of Valentine's Day, when it was snowing slightly, Yizhong and I walked in the snow, walking under the base of the city wall, and he said, "Baizhu, you are a poppies." I am a poppy, not a poppy! Over the years, people in the world have misunderstood me, and I myself have long believed that I am a poisonous poppy and gave up the right to justify. Murder suspects, concealers of the truth.For Xiao Lizi, Yizhong and I lived in guilt and repentance for ten years.Guilt is our opium. We know it is poisonous, but we are addicted to it, and we don't want to resist.It's not that the world has misunderstood us, it's that we are willing to indulge in the fragrance of poppies and degenerate ourselves. However, I should not be a poppy, I am a poppy.It is a poppy that is beneficial to people.I want to save Yizhong, and only by saving Yizhong can I save myself.Yizhong and I have long been inseparable in our destiny.How can I give up on him? Legend has it that Yu Meiren was dyed red with blood donated by Concubine Yu, "The Han soldiers have plundered the land, and there are singing songs on all sides. The king is exhausted, how can the concubine survive?" But now, my overlord of Chu is still there, he just fell, but did not die. Poppy, how could she abandon the Overlord? Whether it's a busy city or a deep mountain, whether it's prosperous or poor, no matter whether the winner is the king or the loser is the bandit, Yu Ji should be with the overlord.If the Overlord refuses to cross Jiangdong, Concubine Yu can only stay by his side, unless the blood is splashed on green grass and turns into a poppy. All the grievances, hard work, loss, and despair all piled up in my heart.Poppies in full bloom are my confidants.Only she understands me, only she can comfort me, only she, until how much I love Yizhong, how much I want him back, back to the past, back to me.Sad poppies! Facing the dancing poppies, I finally couldn't bear it anymore, knelt down among the flowers, and cried bitterly...