Chapter 25 25. Fan without wind

After World War II, Shanghai was unprecedentedly prosperous, unprecedentedly chaotic, unprecedentedly turbulent, and unprecedentedly poignant. American soldiers who survived the catastrophe flocked to Shanghai in batches from Kunming, Okinawa, and Guam. The best way for them to reward themselves was to find love.The exotic flavor and war experience painted them with romantic and masculine meanings, making them the strongest rivals of gentle and weak Shanghai men, and easily captured the hearts of Shanghai girls. Almost every day there is a new love story, and most of them are tragedies.Babies are being born in batches, an international product of world peace, a by-product of military-civilian friendship.The issue of their nationality later became a long-standing doubt.But at that time, in the wave of carnival victory in World War II, the young heart as usual could not think of these realistic troubles.The joy of victory is an aphrodisiac, and the sorrow of chaos is an aphrodisiac. Three months, or five months, gathering and parting by accident, and joyous love, Shanghai Damei Radio Station rents a channel for American pop songs, and Airports and seaports stage life and death dramas every day.American soldiers and Shanghai girls hugging and kissing in the street have become a permanent street scene, and they can't even attract onlookers.

Every day there are people who are reluctant to leave and have to leave. Every day people who want to leave are forced to stay. Every day there are people who worry about leaving or staying, and cry. Huang Chang is no exception. The matter of going abroad has already been decided, but she always finds various excuses to delay it.Although the procedures have been going through, they are always not paying attention, and they are always unwilling to believe that they really bid farewell to Zhuo Wen just like this.Night after night, the dream soul had no basis, and flew thousands of miles, but the mountains were long and the rivers were far away. She couldn't see Zhuo Wen, and couldn't find Zhuo Wen.The remittance slips grew wings and flew to Fengdu, but they couldn't get a single word back.Now, she was leaving, and she became a homeless person, heavily in debt.She no longer has the ability to help him, but how can she leave without worry?

Until one day, at the movie theater, when the show was over, she walked out with the crowd, and suddenly someone touched her shoulder and turned her head. It was a man wearing a black peaked cap, with a very cautious attitude, but there was no malice in his eyes, and he quickly stuffed her. A note, saying: "Mr. Cai asked me to hand it to you." She froze for a moment, and the man had disappeared into the crowd.It took her a long time afterwards to remember that it was probably one of the two anti-Japanese elements she rescued from Huang Jiafeng, but she couldn't tell which one it was Hu Qiang or Pei Yi.It should be Hu Qiang, because Pei Yi, who is a student, probably doesn't have such a quick skill.

It took her a long time to walk out of the cinema before she dared to open the note. It was written in a few lines in a hurry.The first thing that catches the eye is not the content, but the font, which is painfully familiar. "I'm gone, there is no need to inquire about my whereabouts, and there is no need to send me money. There may be no chance to meet again, but every word I say counts." Not signed. But of course she knew who he was and what he said.It's so obscure, maybe it's because of the fear of accidents, and leaving others alone, right?He still thinks of her like this.

She stood under a lamppost by the side of the road and cried. The sweet-scented osmanthus on the side of the road was blown off and fell in the rain, but it still exuded the fragrance of Yiyi. It's rainy season again. She knew that she would never see him again, and this note was their last contact.It is farewell. She suddenly remembered that last year in the ghost town, Zhuo Wen saw bats flying out of the Wangxiang Tower and sighed: "There is a story that bats are neither birds nor beasts, and their positions are unstable. If I don’t hide, I will stay day and night, and I will be in constant fear. Now, I am like a bat, and I am not human inside or outside. The Japanese, Wang Jingwei, the Kuomintang, and the Communist Party, no matter who gains power, they will not let me go. I don't know when my fleeing career will end, and I don't know when I will see the light again."

Every time she thought of the lonely and helpless worry on his face when he said these words, her heart ached.However, her own situation is not the same?Her short life is contradictory and ambiguous. She has saved traitors and the Communist Party. She doesn't know where she stands in the whole social revolution, and what history will do to her. evaluation of.In the past, Zhuo Wen respected Wang Jingwei as Mr. Wang, and she felt disdainful, but when she read in the newspaper that Wang Jingwei's tomb was dug up in Meihuashan, Nanjing, and his body was whipped to thank the public, she felt shocked again.It's not a matter of position, what she has is the most primitive likes and dislikes of human nature.As for politics, she didn't understand or care about it at all, but she couldn't escape, she was involved in the whirlpool of politics, and was swayed all her life in a daze.

In the past, she had always rejected politics. No matter how turbulent the times are, she still has the ability to turn a blind eye and not hear it.But it can't work now, the post-war is even more lively than during the war, forcing her to open her eyes and prick her ears to care about the current affairs, and she is terrified by the turmoil. Not long ago, the national government invited her to ask about the whereabouts of Cai Zhuowen again.Although the methods are different, the content of the interrogation is exactly the same as that of the Japanese.She responded to all changes with the same attitude, as usual, she didn't know what to ask, and refused to admit it to the death.However, some reporters in the tabloid newspapers have begun to insinuate that she is "Tongri" and "two-footed".Back then, Ruan Lingyu lamented that "people's words are terrifying", but now she understands.Although Ke Yi comforted her that everything would come to light, she was already deeply tired and didn't want to clarify or explain anything, but just wanted to stay away from it all.

However, when it came to leaving, she was inextricably reluctant.This is Shanghai, the Shanghai where she and Zhuo Wen met, got acquainted and fell in love with each other Oh, how can I bear to just wave my hand and leave like this?But now, she finally knew that even if she stayed in Shanghai, she would never see him again.Zhuo Wen probably left China before her, and they have a date in the next life, but in this life, they probably will never meet again. It’s not that she can’t do without him, she can live without him, but she will live unhappy, just like a fan without its wind—the fan is life, and the wind is the soul of the fan.

Losing Zhuo Wen's love, she lost her soul, and she was no longer that agile and talented screenwriter. There was no place for her in Shanghai anymore, and she finally decided to leave. In the lingering rain, the late-blooming sweet-scented osmanthus scented timidly, seeing her off. They have no tomorrow. They are still high above the world at this moment, not stained with the world of mortals, but before dawn, they will become wreckage on the ground, stepped on the mud, stained on the shoes, rubbed off, and will be scolded "" Hate". Some people call the rain when the flowers fall "Xiangyu", and the land where the flowers fall is called "Xiangchen", but what about the remaining flowers on the soles of shoes?Can it be considered a fragrance soul?

Every butterfly is the ghost of a flower.But the flowers that step on the soles of the shoes cannot become butterflies. Back home that night, Huang Chang locked himself in the room to take care of things, and didn't come out for dinner.Suddenly I found a pile of manuscripts, but it was a mourning article written to Ruan Lingyu when she was locked up in the "haunted house". The opening paragraph reads: Although her life was short, it was full of vicissitudes and colorfulness—a young man was tortured, and suddenly God piled up all the good things a woman could hope for: beauty, fame, wealth, and even love, like a fire cooking oil, flowers bloom Jin, but later they were taken away again, in exchange for double the bitterness and suffering. When she drove to the most beautiful and most beautiful, it was also the time when her road came to an end, so she had to choose to avoid it by death——the most important thing in life. Nothing could be more tragic than this.

Looking at this passage, Huang Chang felt that every word hurt his heart, and he couldn't help crying with his mouth covered by the corner of the quilt, as if he wanted to cry out all the grievances he had suffered in the past year.Over the past year, she has always worried about Zhuowen, missed Zhuowen, and longed for Zhuowen.Although I have thought many times that it might be rare for them to see each other again, I still don't give up.Now, everything is finally settled.Where he went, she didn't know; where she was going, she couldn't tell him.Even if one day he thinks of her again, he will never find her again. The cries came softly outside the door, Cui's mother was very worried, she knocked on the door several times and asked, but there was no response from inside.Cui's mother was so anxious that she also cried, and persuaded: "Shang, you have been busy these days, and you haven't had a good meal for a few days. Today I made your favorite Hefei meatballs. Anyway, look at me. Let’s eat a few noodles. I’m old and my hands are slow, and I don’t know if I can still make the taste of the past.” Huang Chang couldn't bear it, finally opened the door, took a few mouthfuls of meatballs, and suddenly the phone rang sharply. Cui's mother ran over to answer the call, and when she heard half of it, she was shocked, raised her head, looked at Jiaxiu and Huang Chang in surprise, and said, "It's from the uncle's house—Miss Zhong, it's gone!" Huang Chang felt a pain in his heart, and with a "wow", he vomited out not only the meatballs he just ate, but also the meal from last night. In the morning, when the first ray of sunlight entered the ancestral hall of Huang's family in Beijing, Huang Jiafeng woke up. He didn't sleep well, but an addict.Since he came to Huang's Ancestral Hall yesterday, he hasn't had a single shot of morphine yet.Yesterday, he was so tired that he fell asleep while sitting on the recliner under Kedi's massage and comfort.At this moment, he only felt uncomfortable all over, and he just wanted to get an injection to relieve his fatigue, but when he woke up, Kedi was not by his side.He shouted loudly: "Keep brother, can brother!" No one responded, only a spider that was weaving a web ran away in panic in the corner.The empty ancestral hall seemed to be echoing, humming, with a kind of permeating emptiness. Huang Jiafeng was very displeased, so he stood up reluctantly and walked out, but when he got to the door, he found that the door of the ancestral hall was locked from the outside, and he couldn't help being furious: "I'm still here, so I locked the door! Brother, brother, where have you been?" He straightened his throat, but no one responded after shouting more than a dozen times.He got angry, picked up a chair, smashed the door, and cursed at the same time.And he became more and more panicked, how could this happen?Did Kedi leave him here alone?She took his money?He put his hands in his pocket, and the thick stack of banknotes was still there.Well, she didn't run away privately.She must be around here, or out shopping for groceries, and will be back soon.She didn't mean it, she just forgot that he was in the ancestral hall.Or, she forgot to tell Sun Peilan that it was Sun Peilan who locked the door. Thinking of this, he called out Sun Peilan's name again, but no one responded.And when his drug addiction broke out, he began to feel uncomfortable all over, as if thousands of insects were biting him.too painful!He never thought that addiction could be such a painful thing.In the past, every time he wanted to go a little bit, even before he had time to go, Kedi had already thoughtfully offered to give him the injection.Brother, where did brother go? ! The sun moved inch by inch to the west, and the sky gradually darkened.For a whole day, Kedi didn't show up. Huang Jiafeng smashed everything that could be smashed in the house to vent his anger, except for the ancestral tablet and dared not move rashly. He still has this self-control.Never forget your ancestors. It was completely dark, he fell asleep and woke up again, the drug addiction became more severe, so severe that he almost wanted to bite himself to death.But at this time, he heard a voice, familiar but strange, it was Kedi's voice.It's Kedi who is reciting the Bible: "Jesus told his disciples: You have heard it said, 'An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth', It's just that I tell you, don't fight against the wicked. Whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other cheek to him; Someone wants to sue you, take your shirt, and even your coat..." Huang Jiafeng was overjoyed, and couldn't hear what she was saying at all, so he rushed to the door like a wolf and yelled hoarsely: "Brother, is that you? Quick, open the door for me quickly, give me an injection quickly, I feel uncomfortable Dead, quick! Quick!" But Kedi ignored the scriptures and calmly recited the scriptures: "When someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two; give to him who asks; If someone borrows money from you, don't refuse..." Huang Jiafeng knocked on the door and shouted: "What nonsense are you talking about? I told you to open the door, did you hear me? If you don't give me an injection, I will strangle you to death! Wait, I won't spare you when I come out!" He He called out to Sun Peilan again. Kedi looked at him mockingly, with black and white eyes, and said coldly: "Stop barking. Aunt Sun, I have already given her some money and told her to find another place to live for a few days. I promised her that as long as this Pray she won't bother us, and I'll give her a lot of money then." "You liar! Where do you have a lot of money?" "You have. When you die, isn't that money all hers?" Huang Jiafeng's hair stood on end, only then did he realize that this weak and weak brother wanted him to die!She wants his life, why?Last night, didn't she massage him tenderly and persuade him to rest? "If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other cheek to him; if someone wants to sue you and take away your shirt, let him take your coat too. If someone forces you to walk a mile, you must go with him. Walk two miles." Yes, this year, she took whatever she asked for, obediently gave him everything, he only needed one injection of morphine, she could give him two injections, she gave him all the tenderness, companionship, obedience, and obedience to him Baishun, obeying her words, made him gradually trust her more and put no defenses on her.It turned out that it was for today!In order to turn around and give him this fatal blow!She was so deep in the city and meticulously arranged that she didn't even forget to send Sun Peilan away.No, he has been a hero all his life, and he must not be ruined by such a yellow-haired girl! He yelled: "I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you!" But after a while, he begged again, "Let me go, my brother, I've been so kind to you and spent all my savings in my life. Take it out and share it with you, why do you have the heart... God, you, what are you doing? Stop! You are crazy! What are you doing? Stop! No, don't! Don't..." Kedi opened the needle box and took out injections of morphine one by one. The crystal clear glass injections shone coldly under the moonlight. She took the needle tube and shattered it with a light tap.The morphine flowed out and spilled on the ground. Didi is a life-saving elixir, but she just ruined it like this! "No! No! Give me! Give me! Stop knocking! Give me! Give me a shot! My morphine, my morphine..." Huang Jiafeng roared, he was about to go crazy, Han Kedi smashed those life-like injections one by one, and poured them into the soil cruelly, calmly, and without hesitation, how could she do that? !He rolled on the ground, banging his head on the door, howling like a wounded beast: "Why on earth are you doing this, why are you doing this to me?" "For the Yellow Emperor!" Han Kedi said word by word, tears streaming down her face quietly, like moonlight flowing over a river bed. "The Yellow Emperor had nothing in his life. His only desire was love. But you forced him to death and broke us up. He died too badly. I want to avenge him and myself. I want you to die worse than him." A thousand times!" Time passed minute by minute.The sun rises and sets.Every minute and every second is like torture for Huang Jiafeng. His body is hot like fire for a while, and cold like ice for a while, and he is only accompanied by the cold ancestor's spirit tablet in the ancestral hall and Han Kedi's clear chanting outside the door: "The time will come when the arm that protected you will tremble, and the strong leg will faint. You only have a few teeth left, making it difficult to chew food. Your eyes are dim and your vision is blurry. Your ears are deaf, and you cannot hear the noise in the street. You cannot hear the sound of grinding or singing.But when the sparrow crows, you wake up. You are afraid of heights and the danger of walking. Your hair is gray, your energy is waning, your libido is dead, and you can never get it back..." Huang Jiafeng was deeply frightened and couldn't help shaking.what is this?Is it a verse from the Bible?How could it sound like a curse from Satan? It's not that I didn't report, the time has not yet come.When the time comes, the revenge will be avenged. Howling, crying, cursing, begging, and threatening, he tore his clothes to pieces, hit his face until his head was bloody, and his body was covered in bruises.No one touched a finger of him, but he rolled and wailed as if he had been beaten by thousands of people.He was going to die, he was going to die in the next minute.But why does this tone continue?He suspected that he was already dead, and the ancestors he believed in refused to save him, but they still wanted to be with him, perish together, and rot together.My God, this is no longer in the world, but in purgatory! The tablet table was knocked down, and the spirit tablets of ancestors and relatives fell down in piles. He picked up one at random, with Huang Jiaqi's name written on it.Jiaqi, it's Jiaqi!He has always looked down on Jiaqi, but now his fate is far worse than Jiaqi's.If he died like this in the Huang family's ancestral hall, Jiaqi would laugh at him, laughing that his death was uglier than his own! No!He absolutely cannot tolerate himself being worse than Jiaqi, or dying worse than Huangdi.He doesn't believe in retribution, even if there is retribution, it shouldn't be so tragic!This is a nightmare!not true!not true! Huang Jiaqi was laughing, he saw it, he saw it!The second aunt, Chu Hong, was holding a bowl of almond tea, which had such a strong aroma of almonds.It turned out that they had met again.The Yellow Emperor walks along the Huangpu River.He refused to be named Huang.He refused to go back to Huang's ancestral hall.But isn't Huangpujiang also surnamed Huang? Huang Jiafeng laughed miserably. Outside the door, Han Kedi was still praying: "Woe to you hypocritical scribes and Pharisees! For you are like whitewashed tombs, It looks beautiful on the outside, but inside it is full of dead men's bones and all filth. So are you, Outwardly they appear righteous before men, but inwardly they are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness..." A week later, when Sun Peilan reopened the gate of the Huang family's ancestral hall, she saw Huang Jiafeng's bleeding face. He was terribly dead, surrounded by torn banknotes and smashed ancestral tablets. And Han Kedi has disappeared since then. Some people say that they saw her at the grave of the Yellow Emperor, dressed in white, crying to death; others said that she seemed to have gone abroad and stayed with Huang Gan; Well, that's not Han Kedi, it's Huang Gan who finally found a girl who looks exactly like Kedi to be his wife.Which statement is true, no one knows. In people's habits, what can be determined is always a story, and what cannot be determined is a legend. And Kedi has become a new legend in Shanghai. The world is infatuated Lennon is also. Inch broken soft intestines, tied to do Acacia knot. Who can explain the lovesickness in a hundred knots, how many times the dream pillow is empty and weeps blood. Tears piled up before a que was completed, Heart word into ashes, send words to Lou Xinyue. The moon is reunited and the moon is lacking, and the mountains and rivers of Yiren will be separated forever. ——Tune and send "Traveling on Shasha" Huang Zhong was frightened again because of his weak body, and quickly let go.When Huang Lishi found her in the morning, her body was already cold, and there was a poem beside her pillow. Mrs. Huang Li didn't understand these things, so she had to leave it to Jiaxiu. Together with Huang Zhong's funeral, Jiaxiu also took care of it. Jiaxiu discussed with Huang Chang that Huang Zhong should be buried next to Huangdi's grave according to Huang Zhong's last wish.Huang Chang said in tears: "Sister Huang Zhong is too infatuated...all the rules and reason are as cheap as a mustard to life. They can't get what they want when they live, but they only hope that they can rest in peace after death." Huang Li still hesitated: "They belong to siblings, so it's unreasonable to do so. Aren't you afraid of being laughed at after death?" Jiaxiu's face turned cold: "Afraid of people's jokes? Are there not many things in our family that are afraid of people's jokes? The eldest brother is not afraid of people's jokes when he abandons his wife and daughter. What a joke, if you die and bury it in the ground, will you be afraid of being laughed at?" During Huang Li's short life, her husband had just disappeared and her daughter had died of illness. She was already dying, and after several shocks, she suddenly seemed to be decades old again, and her personality was not as stubborn as before.Hearing Jiaxiu's lesson, he didn't reply, just pretended to be deaf and dumb, and let Jiaxiu decide everything. Jiaxiu saw through the cruelty of the world, and did not notify anyone of the funeral, but asked Ke Yi to help him click a acupuncture point in Yangmingshan, and then buried Huang Zhong hastily. On the day of the burial, the sun was sunny at first, but when the tombstone was just smashed, it suddenly rained, and the new soil was drenched in an instant. Huang Chang fell to the ground, holding the new soil in his hands, and burst into tears: "Sister Huang Zhong, I know you are unwilling to die. I understand your infatuated thoughts all your life, my sister. But being a daughter, and being born into such a family Here, I missed you! You and the little emperor, you can’t get what you want in this life, just hope to get married in the next life. At that time, may God bless you not to be brothers and sisters, but to be husband and wife!” Walking a few steps on the knees, moved to the grave of the Yellow Emperor, and I personally cleaned the grave for my younger brother, sobbing: "Brother, although I don't know where Miss Han has gone, it is good to have Sister Huang Zhong with you. At least, you will not be so lonely anymore. Although the uncle's family is sorry for you, But his daughter died so badly, you can settle any hatred. I hope you can get along well with your cousin Zai Tianzhiling, cherish each other, and stop having hurt and suspicion. In my life, the thing I hate myself the most is that I am not with you I was kinder to you when I was alive. Now that I have no chance to make up for it, the pain is really indescribable. But when you were alive, didn’t you also owe Sister Huang Zhong the same? Poor woman. I remember when I was young, you asked me why girls cry so easily. Brother, Sister Huang Zhong didn’t know how many handkerchiefs she cried for you. Now we bury her next to your grave, hoping that she can take care of you. To accompany you, I also hope that you can take care of her and accompany her. You are all lonely and sad people. If you meet again in heaven, please don’t let her down. Tomorrow, my mother and I will leave, and we may not be able to come back to see you in the future .I only hope that you will be with Sister Huang Zhong's soul, so that you won't be too lonely." We set off the next day. Huang Chang couldn't help Tong Jiaxiu crying, and Cui's mother asked Mr. Ke to take care of their "aunt" again and again.The moment before boarding the boat, Yifan was suddenly blessed, and looked back at Jiaxiu, nodding and smiling.Jiaxiu felt great pain in her heart, and shouted: "Yifan!" But Yifan turned around and left with Cui Mama's support, and didn't respond anymore.Jia Xiu could only whisper to her back: "Take care." The ship weighed anchor.Jiaxiu was crying so hard that she couldn't lift her head, Ke Yi could only gossip about her grief, but he couldn't help talking about Huang Zhong's funeral.Jiaxiu sighed: "Back when I chatted with Yifan, I said that Huang Di, Huang Zhong and Han Kedi were like Bao Daichai, but now Miss Lin has no news, and Sister Bao returned to Lihentian and made a couple with Huang Di. Husband and wife." Ke Yi hurriedly laughed and said: "I mean, all the women in your Huang family seem to have walked out of the Grand View Garden - Yifan is a ready-made imperial concubine Jia Yuanchun, and Huang Kun is just like the reincarnated Wang Xifeng." Jiaxiu glanced at him, and asked: "What about me? Am I among the twelve beauties?" After asking, she felt reckless, and quickly laughed, "I'm afraid it will be counted in another volume or a supplementary volume, and it will be included in the ordinary Attack the mandarin and purple stream." "Why do you have to be too self-effacing?" Ke Yi looked at her: "But you really don't look like someone from Jia's mansion, but you were also born in the Grand View Garden, so you should be considered Miaoyu... Yes, it is Miaoyu. Pure and clean, but hot inside." Jiaxiu bowed her head and groaned, thinking of the sentence in Miaoyu's verdict "If you want to be clean and Zengjie, the sky is not necessarily empty", she was very concerned, but it was inconvenient to say more, so she just asked: "Where is Huang Chang? She is Yuan Yingtan again. Which spring in Xili?" Ke Yi pondered: "Huang Chang, it's hard to say. She has several sides to her personality, but it's not easy to draw conclusions." But after a while, he looked at the river, but chanted: "Qingming weeps and weeps while looking at the river. , Thousands of miles east, a dream away." Jiaxiu was shocked all over, and suddenly remembered that she had an important question to ask Huang Chang, but when she looked up, the river was full of twilight, and the waves were vast, and Huang Chang's boat was already far away... 2001/9/16 First draft in Xi'an Meiyuan 2002/2/26 Final draft in Xi'an Meiyuan