Chapter 3 Twenty-seven years old: go to school

Xi'an in early spring. Just a little bit of new green spewed out from the willow branches, and the swallows had no time to find the eaves to build their nests.Boys and girls who have just taken off their winter clothes walk briskly, and they can't help dancing on the way to school. The little boy Lu Kefan skipped to school with his schoolbag on his back.The little girl Zhen Xin followed behind her step by step. The boy stopped, turned around, and ordered: "You go back. I have to go to school, you can't go." The girl didn't speak, but confessed to him with her eyes: I want to go with you.

"Go back, I will teach you after school is over." The boy promised. The girl lowered her head and kicked the dirt under her feet, but she still refused to leave. "Go back, I'm going to be late." After the boy finished speaking, he ignored her and turned around to run. The girl ran along, but soon fell behind a lot and couldn't keep up.She had to stop and think for a while, as if hesitating whether to go back, but finally decided to go on - anyway, even if she didn't have to follow him, she knew the way to school. The school is here and the bell has already rung.The girl walked along the courtyard wall familiarly and sat down under a peach tree at the base of the back wall, listening to the sound of reading aloud from the window of the teaching building: "Boiling beans burns Osmunda, and beans weep in the cauldron. They are born from the same root, so why rush to fry each other."

She followed along silently in her heart, while every word and phrase in the poem flowed through her mind.She already knows how to memorize and write this poem by heart. If there is an exam, her grades will definitely not be worse than those of the students in that window.But the school just refused to accept her.It's really unfair.She could only watch Kefan go to school by himself, and then waited hard for him to leave school. It was the same in the mansion before. At that time, as soon as the eldest young master started school, she would be lonely to death.The only pastime is to take a walk in the peach blossom forest.The flowering period was still early, and the sunlight sifted through the branches and leaves, and she clasped the old peach tree with both hands, raised her face to receive the sunlight, her eyes were slightly closed, and the wings of her nose opened and closed, as if she was trying to sniff something. The fragrance of flowers in her memory, right?

Only at that time, her face will glow with a strange brilliance, it is desire burning.She is like a buzzing insect waiting for its sting under the snow, holding her hope.She knew that the young master would come back when the weather was completely cold.Come back and live until the peach blossoms bloom. The eldest young master is not the pompous boy who waits for a party, drinking and going out. Most of the time when he is at home, he is reading a book. Sometimes she will deliberately pass by his study and hear him chant in it, "A ghost, a communist ghost, Wandering over Europe..."

She couldn't understand a word.I don't want to understand either.This is the young master's business, not hers.She had to memorize every word the young master said to her; she just listened to what the young master said to herself, without asking for a deep understanding. She just muddled along like this all her life, without asking for a deep understanding. "Goose, goose, goose, bend their necks and sing to the sky. White feathers float in green water, and red palms touch the clear waves." The schoolchildren began to recite a new poem, in tender voices and drawls.Xinai closed her eyes and listened hard, trying to identify which voice belonged to Kefan.

After all, it is better than the previous life, right?After all, she could understand every word he said and every poem he read now. Even if she can't be a classmate with him, she still asks her mother to buy textbooks and study at home.Her level is already higher than his, and she can do his homework for him, getting full marks every time. She can write better than him, calculate faster than him, and write more fluently than him. —She is better than him. What an incredible thing is this? In the previous life, he was her god.She tried her best to hope that she could do more things for him, as long as she could help him, she would not hesitate to sacrifice her life.

cost.Yes, she finally met him in this life, she can approach him, wait for him after school, and help him with his homework, how wonderful! However, it is not without cost. She is dumb. As long as you are born. When she was born, many people surrounded her, and she accurately recognized angels and demons in the crowd.They stood beside her, left and right, their faces full of concern, curiosity, and a little bit of shame. The angel spoke first: "There is something I almost forgot to tell you—" The devil took over and said, "But it's not too late to say it now." The angel said: "You are a special person, and you should behave carefully. But before you become an adult—"

The devil took it up and said, "That is, before you have no self-control." The angel said, "We must preserve your speech for a while, so that you will not be so childish—" The devil took over and said, "Don't reveal the secrets of heaven." The angel said: "But it won't be a lifetime. When the time is right, we will give you back the ability to speak—" The devil took it up and said, "Then you can say all you want to say." The angel and the devil respectively represent the two factions of good and evil, but they are of one heart and one mind at this time, singing together, and after explaining the precautions, they all stared at her and asked in unison: "Do you understand? Do you accept it?"

She wanted to cry but had no tears, so she nodded. ——When shaking the head is invalid, there is only nodding. They added: "You know that rebirth is something that violates the rules of heaven. Although the god of death spares you the pain of purgatory, reincarnates instantly, and allows you to retain the memory of your previous life, but this is not free-you have to pay for it. I sacrificed ten years of life, and my birthday is only 32 years old." She still just nodded. She has been reborn, but she can't speak. One day she will meet the person she loves, and spend her whole life pursuing and admiring him, and this life is only 32 years. In the early days, she was still a mute.

She quickly found the person she was looking for——the young master Lu Kefan, whose identity in this world is her cousin who was born in the fifth suit.Like a birthmark, his name is still Lu Kefan; while her name is more like a fable, Zhen Xin'ai. They were childhood sweethearts, and they were often hugged and breastfed by one mother from left to right, and then placed on the bed by another mother to change diapers.She was shy for being naked and skin-to-skin; and he was unconscious, as intelligent as any newborn baby. She often stares at him passionately, and will cry and look for him after a while—her mission and purpose in this life is to find him, accompany him, love him, and finally get his love.

She has a baby's body, but has an adult soul, which makes the body overwhelmed, and the pain is far greater than all the pleasures that can be obtained-including breastfeeding, eating as much as you want; sleeping, sleeping as long as you want How much time to sleep; and being teased by adults with all kinds of clumsy and ridiculous grimaces. At the age of three, it was finally determined that she was not a late speaker, but a congenital mute.This made her parents frown and tears, and they traveled all over the world to seek medical treatment with her in their arms.She was very sorry and knew the futility of what they were doing.Yet she couldn't tell them to stop the running.The only thing she can do is to be a little more obedient, and be a little more obedient, so as not to add to their troubles. However, this excessive obedience made them even more alarmed, and then worried about her IQ.A child who is too quiet always raises concerns that her unusualness is misinterpreted as some kind of disability.They used a variety of methods to test her reaction, including mixing rice with paper towels to see if she would eat it, or taking her clothes off to test whether she would feel cold. She was very embarrassed and didn't know how to comfort them, so she found a box of building blocks by herself and quickly arranged it into a splendid building. How wonderful it is, but an adult's writing style and imagination will be higher than that of a three-year-old child-the parents are relieved, and they are sure that she is not a dementia. On the contrary, she is far more advanced than children of the same age. Much wiser. The mother sighed: "It's a pity that you are so smart, but you are dumb..." After speaking, she cried even more bitterly, and the sadness was only heavier than before. She was extremely helpless, knowing that no matter what she did, it was impossible to make her mother happy, so she had to wait slowly to grow up. Growing up is really a difficult thing for a precocious but inactive soul. Thanks to Kefan's company, this is really the only compensation in a long career.She could finally witness his growth with her own eyes, and bring him into her life trajectory clearly and conclusively. In the previous life, she had to wait until she was twelve years old to meet the young master and enter his world. Before that, her memory was full of hunger and desolation.It was a cloudy day, so cloudy that it kept pressing down on the trees.The branches are thin and delicate, and each one has been cut into a spear, stabbing hard, trying to pierce the haze and let a little sunshine come out.The dark cloud is a thick quilt, thicker than people's imagination, and desperately thick. Throughout the winter, the village was covered with thick quilts, making it suffocating.If it's really a quilt, you can still sleep warmly.But no, it's cold, the quilt is full of wind, and the wind is an invisible spear, but it is far more powerful than a tree branch, and can penetrate straight into the bone. She was born in winter.The birth did not cause any surprises or commotion. The father only glanced at the midwife's hand, turned his back and spat, and said, "It's a girl, you lose money." From then on she was called "Girl".If you don't have a name, just call her girl. She was already very grateful, and it was much more kind to be called a "girl" than a "loser". Winter occupies three-quarters of the time in the Northeast, so she always shrinks many times a year, and even her eyebrows and eyes are cramped and cannot be stretched. She shrank like this, growing up silently, without bringing any joy or much trouble.She would be no more laborious to keep than a dog or a cat, nor more useful or valued than a hen or duck. When she was four or five years old, she learned how to mow grass and look for sweet potatoes in the fields that had been raked many times in winter; when she was six years old, she began to herd sheep and raise rabbits; when she was seven years old, her mother died of typhoid fever , so she took over the responsibility of cooking and washing clothes for the family, and knew how to go to the market to sell rabbits and bargain with others; there she saw city people in silk and satin, their backs were straight , their heads are raised high, and when they are forced to lower their heads to look at the goods, they always have a condescending disdain and impatience. She looked at them nervously, imagining that she could walk into their world, and be with these clean-faced and well-clothed people every day.What are we doing together?She didn't think about it.She just felt that as long as she was close to them, the world would be much clearer and more open, and she might be able to eat a little more.She seldom gets full, but she also hiccups sometimes, which is a weird thing. The opportunity has come.When she was eight years old, someone came to her home to talk to her father and asked if they would like to send their daughter to work in the city.The father said indifferently: "Let me ask, if she wants to go, she will go." This was the first time the family asked for her opinion, but she became more cautious, and was a little reluctant to leave the house.She saw the rare warmth in her father's eyes, and nostalgia was written on the dirty little faces of her siblings, so she flinched.She thought that if she left, her father might miss her, and her siblings would starve. She was so moved by her own imagination that she burst into tears and couldn't speak.My father said in surprise: "If you don't go, you don't want to go. Why are you crying?" Then he said to the person who came, "Forget it." The person nodded and said, "Forget it." smoke, and left. She began to cry again, crying that she had lost her first chance in life, a big chance to enter the city.She was afraid that fate would never patronize her again and sympathize with her.In particular, she found that her father did not love her extra because of her sacrifice, and still regarded her as a dispensable existence. It seemed that he accidentally gave birth to her, so he had to raise her.That's it, no other reason. She was disappointed and ashamed of how stupid and cowardly she had been to pass up a rare opportunity to go to town.She secretly hoped that the person would turn around again, would ask her again, give her one more choice - but no.The man never came back, and my father never mentioned it again.She still had to mow rabbit grass every day, feed the rabbits, and take them to town to sell on market day. She guarded the rabbit, arguing childishly and bitterly with others about the price under the cloudy sky like a quilt, and then used the money from selling the rabbit to buy some salt and oil to go home.The rabbits were sold one by one, and she grew up year by year, and she was twelve years old in a blink of an eye. She still couldn't leave the village, and she still felt cold and didn't have enough to eat. Then she waited for the second choice - even with her eyebrows and eyes narrowed, she was still considered a beauty, the cold wind did not make her skin chapped and rough, and her vigorous vitality was more effective than any tonic As soon as the spring breeze blows, she will be beautiful and plump again, as if there is a fragrance of flowers, which attracts bees and butterflies from all over the world, and they invite matchmakers to propose marriage. A twelve-year-old girl should have a husband's family.Once you get hired, you have to be raised by your in-law's family, and you are still raised in your natal family, but you have to go to your in-law's house for a few days during the holidays to do some housework, and you can get married after three or two years, consummating the house with a ceremony, and from then on you can be regarded as another family people.Her father once called her a "money-loser", but in fact, she didn't spend a lot of money on her after all. She knew how to be self-reliant at a very young age, and now she can even exchange a considerable sum of money for the family. Of course, the family also needs to bring some dowry out.My father said: "It's very embarrassing. If you marry a good one, you have to provide a corresponding dowry. A few rabbits are not enough; or you have to choose an ordinary one. Everyone wants to save some trouble." Her father wanted her to make up her own mind.However, she is used to not having an opinion, to obeying and accepting, to silently chewing on regrets after accepting, to start imagining when secretly regretting, to guess the possibilities behind another choice, the endless possibilities. As usual, she said, "Let's do whatever Daddy says." After finishing speaking, she said casually, "But before I get married, I want to work in the city for a few years. If I don't, I won't Here's the chance." When she said it, she was surprised by herself.Before she said this sentence, she had no concept at all, but once she said it, it became a decision, a great wish, a great ambition.She was excited by her persistence, her eyes filled with tears again, she looked at her father tearfully, and said firmly, "I want to go to the city to work for a few years first." Father had to be stunned for a moment to understand the meaning of her words, he didn't think this idea was brilliant, nor did he think there was anything wrong with this idea, so he muttered casually: "Let me talk to my in-laws later. " The matter was settled so simply.Those families who proposed marriage heard that the girl had an outward heart, so most of them withdrew their horoscopes and backed off, saying: "It's a pity that she will think about it. After entering the city and opening your eyes, will you come back to be a daughter-in-law again?" ? Eighteen changes in the female college, who knows what will come back." The remaining family that approves of her going to the city and is willing to introduce her to help her in the city will naturally become a suitable candidate.Then the two families formally met, handed over the papers, invited a banquet, and the marriage was settled. She saw that his future husband, whose surname was Gu, had no official name, so he was called Gu San because of his sex.She is a few years older than her, has a light beard on her chin, is good at doing farm work, and works in the city in her spare time, so she has a way out, and she is willing to introduce her to be a girl for the boss—is she originally called a girl? . It was February, not long after the new year, and he was going to the city, so he took her with him. He carried a peach blossom tree on his shoulders. The roots of the tree were huge, heavy with soil, and the branches were covered with flower buds, scattering fragrance all the way.She followed behind him, looking around, sometimes the scenery missed her schedule, but following the scent of flowers for a few steps, she would definitely be able to catch up. During the rest, they sat side by side on the boulder, broke a piece of steamed bun and drank a few sips of water.Wiping the sweat from his head and face, he slowly said to her: "I'll take you to see Mr. Lu——Lu's mansion is big, powerful, and sophisticated. Just like this peach blossom tree, they already have a peach blossom grove. But every year, I ask people to bring the best peach blossoms from all over the country, and they will bloom when they are planted. The time is just right. I have to go around the mountain half a month earlier, and I have selected several trees with big, thick and strong buds. , I checked again the night before I left, and I found one tree, and dug it out with the roots and soil. This gift is more pleasing to the master than anything else, and it doesn’t cost money, but it’s too troublesome and inappropriate—if it’s sent to the city, If it doesn’t bloom after planting, or the tree dies, the master will get angry. So many people dare not bet, but I am not afraid. I am most familiar with flower nature, can choose, dig, and plant, I choose well If the peach tree is planted, within two days, a good peach blossom will bloom..." He spoke happily and beamed with joy.His self-confidence and pride affected her. She seemed to see a huge peach blossom forest, which was in full bloom, and the clouds were steaming. She saw her own brilliant future in the fragrance of peach blossoms. She was inexplicably excited and felt that there was a lot to do. They walked on the road for three days before they came to the city and came to the gate of Lu Mansion.He was not in a hurry to come to the door, first he settled her in a familiar inn, asked the clerk to feed her, bring her water to wash her face, and told her to take good care of the peach blossom tree so that no one would break the branches and destroy the roots, and went on his own. Went to the bathhouse to take a shower, shaved his head, changed into clean clothes, and then turned back. He had already become another refreshing person. Looking at him, she suddenly felt a little ashamed, and murmured: "My clothes..." He comforted her with a smile: "You don't need to change, once you enter Lu's house, they will naturally give you new clothes to wear." Look carefully, He also said, "Just re-do the braid." So she broke up the braids in front of the mirror, and carefully rebraided them.The little face in the mirror was tense, with a serious tension that didn't match her age, which made her feel strange.Girls in the country don’t have the habit of looking in the mirror. They always press their hair against the water in the copper basin after washing their face in the morning. There is also a mirror, which is small and kept at the bottom of the box. It is a dowry when the mother gets married. , unless it is during the holidays, I would not take it out and use it. The braids were tightly tied, black and thick, and it didn't look like malnutrition at all.When she was engaged in this kind of ceremony, the battle of the Lu Mansion became majestic in her mind.This was her first impression of Lu's Mansion—before she entered Lu's Mansion, she had been attracted by Gu San's cautiousness, the peach tree full of buds, the bright and complete mirror in the inn, and the man who was about to be replaced by herself. The old clothes and the re-braided braids were overwhelmed, and the immature heart was full of awe, admiration, and longing for unknown forces... "At noon on the day of hoeing, the sweat drips down the soil. Who knows that the food on the plate is all hard work." The students in the window recited immaturely and without emotion, like little monks chanting scriptures, not caring about the pain. However, beloved, the beloved who can't speak, is repeating every word in his heart.Not only can she utter those verses fluently, but she can also understand them deeply and clearly know that the food on the plate is hard-won—because, the girl knows. Children in the city cannot imagine the true meaning of suffering from hunger and cold.But girl, the clearest feeling in girl's childhood memory is cold and hungry. With the wind blowing and the branches shaking, a peach blossom fluttered down, and my beloved reached out to catch it. She couldn't help sighing softly and looked at the peach blossom tree above her head—her whole life was related to peach blossoms. As if he had been poisoned by a peach blossom, entangled with grievances and resentments. It's just that I don't know what happened to Gu San who brought him into the city with a tree of peach blossoms on his shoulders. I heard that his wife told Steward Li to use a sum of money to persuade him to divorce.Gu San was unwilling at first, but he couldn't hold back Steward Li's softness and failure, and said to him: "I know that you have placed an order, and how much dowry you paid, and Lu's mansion will pay you three times. It doesn't matter if you suffer; After paying the money, are you afraid that you will have no land to marry a daughter-in-law? It is said that you have made an order, after all, if you have not passed the door, you are not counted as yours; besides, if the female university does not want to stay, she has already agreed to it. It's useless if you refuse, isn't it? As the saying goes: A twisted melon is not sweet. If you take her back, her eyes have been opened, her heart has been wild, and she will live with you? There is still a disaster in the house, and there is no guarantee that it will cause some trouble in the future, and you will not receive a penny at that time, so it is better to send it away early, and the heart is quiet if you don’t see it. Do you think this is the reason? " Gu San drooped his head at the words of Yi Xi, ten thousand unwilling in his heart, but he couldn't say a word.Steward Li's words are all words of awakening the world, telling him that there is nothing to argue and nothing to sue.The pain of a coolie can never be deep. He counted his gains and losses in this matter-lost a daughter-in-law who was not married, and received three times the compensation of the bride price, so he could marry another daughter-in-law. Not bad.Then he lowered his head which was already very low, as a nod. When the farming season was busy, he returned with the compensation and wages that were three times the dowry.I went back and never came back. Gu San, I don't know if it should be counted as her first man. Although she has no physical relationship, he is the only one who has the same relationship with her as her parents. According to the matchmaker's words, he has been engaged to her, and he is her half husband. . Sometimes she can't help thinking: If she hadn't followed Yishu Peach Blossom into the city back then, if she had stayed in the country and waited for Gu San to marry him, she would do it at sunrise and rest at sunset, and sow the peach blossoms of that year according to the season in spring. Wishing, wrapping up the quilt tightly in winter and counting the auspicious snow heralds a good year, the days may not be sadder than later.Maybe you can go to heaven after you die. But that way you won't know the young master.If you don't know the young master, how can you live your life? Lovely sighed again, and heard the school bell rang.She stood up, forgetting about Gu San and Tao Hua, with a smile on her face, she knew that Ke Fan was going to leave school soon, and they could be together again.