Chapter 7 New Year's Eve 1995

Jianhao never found Xiaomi. Now, even Xia Chui has lost the news. The brother and sister seem to have evaporated from the world, and they evaporated suddenly without warning. Jianhao never resented Xia Chui for anything, even if he knew that there was an ulterior secret between him and Xiaomi, but this time, it was an exception. In just a few months, not to mention running around looking for Xiaomi, the continuous fatigue bombing from Jian's family almost tore him in half.Now, he really doesn't know anything, so there is no need to lie for him to delay time. Although Jianying has given up asking about Xia Chui's whereabouts, her increasingly depressed state makes it difficult for Jianhao to sleep.

What is this?Jianhao didn't expect Xia Chui to be a cowardly person who didn't have the courage to take responsibility. "Let's go, time will make you forget everything." Jianhao persuaded Jianying, and soon Jianying went to the United States alone. In fact, he also wants to go home, the city of Beijing without Xia Chui and Xiaomi is boring.Maybe at this moment, they are hiding in an unknown alley in Shanghai, waiting for him quietly. Jianhao sat in the fairy tale forest and thought about these questions. He was waiting for Ruan Jing. Since Jian Ying left, Ruan Jing became even more lonely and listless all day long.Today I don't know why he was suddenly asked to skip work and come out for a date, saying that he had something important to discuss with him.

As the Chinese New Year is approaching, Jianhao wonders if he should mention going home to her. "Have you been waiting long?" Ruan Jing sat down, startling Jianhao. "Miss, I'm still in the probation stage. I ask for leave all day long. If I get fired by the boss..." At first I wanted to say a few more words, but Ruan Jing's eyes were red and swollen, and she didn't know what happened. "What's wrong with your eyes? Did someone beat you?" "No." She giggled. "Crying?" Jianhao suddenly felt something was wrong. "Who dares to bully my woman?"

"Don't be disgusting!" Ruan Jing waved her hand to order a drink, subconsciously avoiding her eyes. "What's so urgent? You didn't return to the phone when you called two days ago, where did you go to mess around?" Jianhao found that Ruan Jing's face had a kind of sadness that he had never seen before, as if seeing someone else stealing something he loved, but he was powerless to keep it. She didn't speak, and used the straw to stir the ice cubes in the glass around and around, and the jingling was terrible. Only then did Jianhao realize that she actually ordered a cold drink in the middle of winter, this girl definitely has something on her mind!So, he stopped joking with her, and held the spinning hand very seriously.

"What's the matter? Why don't you talk?" The ice cubes melted quickly surrounded by the heater, Ruan Jing's wet hands slipped from Jianhao's fingers, she picked up the paper towel on the table and wiped it silently. "Jianhao, go back to Shanghai!" "It's really a tacit understanding. I was still thinking about whether to discuss this matter with you just now, so you said it first, why? Are you finally ready?" "what to prepare?" "Meet my parents." Ruan Jing suddenly raised her head. Jianhao's eyes are clear and bright, very sincere.

"You mean, you want to take me back with you?" "certainly!" "You don't post photos, and you laugh silly every time. It's better to bring the real person back, lest my old lady think that his son has a problem with his eyesight." "Sorry, I can't go back with you." Jianhao didn't understand why her tone suddenly became cold. He began to seriously review Ruan Jing's words and deeds from the moment he entered the door until now, and the more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable he became. What the hell happened?Why does this atmosphere make people feel as if they have come to an end?

"Don't be stubborn, are you really willing to let me go back alone?" "What is there to be reluctant to do? You have been with me for so long and made me so happy." "I do not understand what you're saying." Jianhao was confused, and if necessary, he also wanted to drink some ice to sober up. "Jianhao, let's break up." Ruan Jing said this sentence frankly, looking directly at Jianhao's eyebrows and eyes.The nervousness and apprehension that she thought was not easy to say, all disappeared in an instant, just like when she decided to give up this love, she didn't regret it at all, and it disappeared with clarity.

"I haven't messed with you recently, don't make such jokes on me casually." Jianhao couldn't hold back the anger in his heart: what is she doing?Where did I offend her again? "You really think I'm that stupid?" "I know, you still love Xiaomi." "It's a hell, do you feel panicked if you don't find fault with me and quarrel with me?" Ruan Jing thought that Jianhao was really slick when he talked about Beijing movies. If he kept him by his side, he might soon become a Beijinger.So, she suddenly felt funny, but she couldn't laugh no matter what.

"Don't change the subject." Jianhao's face immediately turned ugly. "I know, I was a little crazy looking for her a while ago, but you should understand that it's not because I still like her, but because I'm under too much pressure here. To be honest, I'm still a little annoyed by her, if it weren't for her If you run away without authorization, you won't become what you are now..." "That's not Xiaomi's fault," Ruan Jing interrupted him suddenly, "Sooner or later things will turn out like this." Seeing Ruan Jing's resolute expression, Jian Hao felt a tightness in his chest.

"Now is not the time to discuss who is right, and it has nothing to do with you and me anyway." "You know that Xiaomi doesn't like me, when will you really trust me?" "If I told you that one day in the future, Xiaomi would come back to you, would you still be as steadfast as you are now?" "That will never be possible. These are Xiaomi's original words, so you don't have to use this excuse to make trouble." "Jianhao, I didn't make trouble for no reason." "I seriously ask you, look me in the eyes and hear me out."

Ruan Jing pinched Jianhao's wrist emotionally, and he had no choice but to focus his eyes. "Xiaomi is in Shanghai now, living with Xia Chui." As expected, he was frightened, and the color of his pupils suddenly deepened. "To be honest, I really want to keep you by my side, but, as you said, I am the only one who understands your inner world. If you still like Xiaomi a little bit, just go back to her Go by your side, do it well, and love her again. I promise, you will succeed this time, don't ask why, just trust your own feelings." "Because, one day she will need you." Ruan Jing's words startled Jianhao. He vaguely remembered that Jian Ying had said the same thing to him a long time ago on the lawn of Peking University.He didn't understand what he did wrong, why until now, Ruan Jing was still able to see through him at a glance? The infatuation with Xiaomi was destined to become Jianhao's lifelong helplessness since he was eighteen years old.However, he never thought about leaving Ruan Jing, because he had already determined that Ruan Jing was the only one who could cure this helplessness, but now she was about to give up. "You...don't love me anymore." Jianhao's injured expression made Ruan Jing feel a dull pain in her chest. "It's not that I don't love you, but that I don't want to love you anymore." "why?" "Because, I didn't expect the chic Ruan Jing to be exhausted for a day." She pouted at him mockingly. Jianhao looked at her, but couldn't say a word for a long time.He knew that if Xiaomi didn't leave, he and Ruan Jing might be able to get closer and go farther, because as long as he saw Xiaomi's healthy and happy appearance, he felt that everything was full of hope, at least, his heart would not be so empty . Ruan Jing deeply knows that Jianhao and Xia Chui are the same in one thing—losing Xiaomi will make these two men vulnerable at the same time, vulnerable without a sense of security. "You really don't want to be with me at all?" He asked softly. "Yes." She replied calmly. "I'm not mentally prepared for that." "I admit that I still have more or less love for Xiaomi, but that doesn't affect our relationship. Everything will pass. Don't you think that in the future, I will forget her before I know it. " "That's what I'm most afraid of." Ruan Jing's words made Jianhao fall into a deeper embarrassment. "Don't you understand? For me, a new relationship may happen at any time, but for Xiaomi, you are the only chance." "Ruan Jing, I know Xiaomi better than you. She definitely doesn't need me like you think." "Then take a gamble!" "Gamble?" Jianhao looked at her face in distress. "I don't believe you can't afford to lose. Think about it carefully, have you pursued Xiaomi well during the time she was in Beijing? At least, you never showed up when she needed it most." "How do you know that she will definitely need me in the future?" "My gut tells me it will." "intuition?" Jianhao couldn't help feeling sad. "You are going to break up with me because of an unfounded intuition. I really doubt whether you really loved me." Just two days ago, when Ruan Jing tossed and turned in order to make up her mind, she didn't shed a single tear, but now, Jian Hao's words made her unable to restrain herself from crying. "If you insist on understanding this way, I can't help it. In short, you go back, I don't want you anymore." Jianhao sat silently for a while, his expression was very lonely, obviously he was hit. Enough is enough, Ruan Jing said to herself calmly, at the same time, restrained the only trace of comfort. Jianhao stood up and was about to leave. At this moment, Ruan Jing murmured vaguely: "If there is a chance to be together in the next life, I will not let you go." "What if I am a woman in my next life?" He turned his head, his eyes glistening with moisture. "Stupid! Back then, who cared if you were gay or not." They looked at each other and smiled, just like when they first met. For some reason, Jianhao felt grateful for this love that died for no reason. "Finally, can you promise me one thing?" "you say." "If one day, Xiaomi really runs into your arms, even if you think she doesn't love you as much as you imagined, you must accept her, okay?" Jianhao stared into Ruan Jing's beautiful eyes for the last time, and seemed to really see the shadow of the future from there.So, he nodded heavily, and bid farewell with hesitation and confusion. Ruan Jing watched Jianhao blend into the crowd until he was unrecognizable. Before coming to see him, Ruan Jing did cry secretly by herself, but it was not because of parting ways with her beloved, but because of what Xiaomi said to her during the long-distance call. She said: "Ruan Jing, I am very happy, you don't have to worry about me anymore." Ruan Jing understood the meaning of the meaningful "happiness" in her words. She knows that she is indeed happy, but how long can that kind of happiness that will never be blessed last? "Take a trolley." Xia Chui pointed to the stacked trolleys not far away. "How much do you want to buy?" She asked suspiciously. "Yes, if you don't buy it now, when will you buy it?" Xiaomi turned his head, and quickly walked through the crowd to get it, brisk as a rat. Xia Chui kept following her closely, afraid that she would accidentally fall over. Xiaomi's long hair was loosely bouncing around his waist, Xia Chui's mood was also very soft, every time he took her into his eyes calmly like this, he would feel a kind of contentment. Now, every morning, when he shaved his beard clean, Xia Chui often had the illusion that he couldn't recognize himself. Frank, hearty, doing his own way, with gentle affection flowing between his brows all the time, he has never seen himself like this.He felt that Xiaomi had turned him into a gentle and sentimental mature man, and the pretentious melancholy disappeared completely, and he had to stand in front of the mirror to look at it carefully from time to time, the strange brilliance made him feel uncomfortable. If he doesn't admit it, he still looks handsome like an eighteen-year-old boy. For the first time in his life, Xia Chui began to like the way he looked, and he couldn't help but smile when he thought of it.Recently, he often laughs inexplicably. In fact, there is nothing to be happy about, but he just wants to laugh, especially when Xiaomi is annoyingly circling around him, he feels extremely happy. "Let's go." Xiaomi took his arm naturally, put one hand on the handlebar, and Xia Chui also put his hand on it. The two pushed the car and strolled slowly in the shopping area. People around were very excited. looked at them strangely. Going to such a noisy place to buy things is nothing more than trying to get a bargain, and I can’t wait to finish buying quickly.But those two guys seemed to be walking on Nanjing Road, completely defiant, very leisurely. In fact, Xia Chui is already very familiar with everything in the store, because this is where he works.Every time Xiaomi came to see him, he either delivered meals or waited for him to go home with him. There was no chance to walk around, so Xia Chui promised her that when the Chinese New Year was off, he would definitely bring her to the store to enjoy the taste of shopping. In fact, they are not yet eligible for shopping. At the end of October, Xia Chui redecorated the old house with the wages that Xiaomi sent him and his only savings.Then, they moved out of Youzi's apartment together with Xiaomi, and resumed the secluded life they lived together more than ten years ago. Xia Chui works part-time in a hypermarket, while Xiaomi still writes scripts during the day and helps in Youzi's store at night.But ever since I got together with Xia Chui, I usually go back early at 8:30. Although the two of them are not financially rich enough, they can occasionally be chic, especially during the Chinese New Year. Xia Chui has already prepared a rich shopping list. . Youzi found that the inherent haze in the depths of Xiaomi's forehead disappeared, and her whole body was radiant like never before, with a kind of charm that was not commensurate with her age.She often hides in the corner of the shop alone and smiles like a spring, the blush on her cheeks floods out one after another. That kind of situation makes Youzi unable to stop or interfere. He can only be silent, Watching them from afar. When acrobats perform on a high steel wire, the audience must hold their breath and watch the changes. Even an inappropriate cough can lead to tragedy, not to mention that Xia Chui and Xiaomi don’t even bother to tie seat belts. one time.Therefore, the safety factor of the walking steel wire that maintains them is quite limited, so limited that it may suddenly break at any time without any precautions.Youzi had warned Xiaomi about this a long time ago. On the night he fled back to Shanghai, he said everything he had to say, including the secrets under the grave that he would never confess unless he had to. Therefore, You Zi believed that this time, Xiaomi did not act willfully and recklessly. She must have thought about all the problems rationally before she decided to take this step. Therefore, he has no position to say anything, let alone redeem it. He just thought about it with fear, when this kind of happiness came to an end, what else could he do for them. Back home, Xia Chui turned on the gas again, making the soup that had been simmering all afternoon boil again, and the rising steam made the small shabby room feel extremely warm. Xiaomi lit the candles, and Xia Chui immediately noticed that in the middle of a large pile of old dishes on the table stood two extraordinary western-style goblets. The candle flame reflected dazzling light on their extremely noble lines. . "When did you buy it?" He asked in surprise. "The Spring Festival gift, do you like it?" Xiaomi blinked slyly. "To whom?" "To this family, father, mother, you, and me." Xia Chui sat down, stared at Xiaomi's face, which was so beautifully affected by the halo, and said softly, "That's great!" Outside the house, firecrackers began to rise and fall again. Xia Chui and Xiaomi picked up the chopsticks at the same time, put each other's favorite dish into their mouths, chewed slowly, then looked at each other and nodded, the tip of their tongues still made a sound of tsk, and they couldn't help laughing after a while.However, looking at it, the two pairs of eyes warmed up like shochu immersed in boiling water. They had waited for 6 years for this long-lost reunion night. Now, Xia Chui and Xiaomi can finally sit face to face without any grievances, returning their faces to the familiar pupils of each other. Xiaomi saw that she was so beautiful in Xia Chui's bright eyes that she could hardly recognize her. What Xia Chui saw in her eyes was endless warmth. He knew that he had finally returned home. During the New Year's Eve dinner in 1995, they ate very quietly, as if it was the only fleeting moment in each other's lives. No one could bear to break that lingering emotion, including themselves. While toasting and drinking, Xiaomi suddenly asked an inappropriate question in a peaceful atmosphere. She asked Xia Chui: "On the day when your life is about to end, if God gave you a choice, how would you choose to end your life forever?" Xia Chui felt that this question was weird, and shook his head, not knowing how to answer it. Xiaomi said: "I will choose to go to sea." "Why? Maybe you can't even find the bones." Xiaomi laughed at him for being stupid. "That's not death, it's rebirth." "Rebirth?" She nodded thoughtfully. "Immerse yourself in the ocean so that you can become a fish." "Why not a turtle and a seal, but a fish?" "Because fish are the most free!" "Birth, old age, sickness and death go with the flow. I don't want to turn into a fish and roll my eyes all day long. It's so ugly." Xia Chuan disagrees. "However, I am looking forward to it." Xiaomi looked longingly, and then stubbornly stared at Xia Chui's already masculine face without blinking. "In this way, I can be free and be with you forever." "If you become a fish and I am buried in the mud, wouldn't it be more distant?" "There are also beaches that connect the land and the ocean. Those sands are endless and endless, which is very symbolic." "There's something wrong with your imagination." Xia Chui pretended to be serious and squinted at her face, hoping to get rid of this unsuitable topic. Xiaomi's gaze was still floating in the deep and profound air, dull and seemed to be intoxicated. At this time, the doorbell rang. "Jianhao?!" It was Xia Chui's voice. Puzzled, Xiaomi poked his head out of the chair and looked outside. A tall and burly figure suddenly appeared under the fluorescent light in the entrance. Xia Chui and Xiaomi never imagined that there would be such an unexpected surprise at the end of this somewhat cold New Year's Eve. "Eat a little, Xiaomi cooked yours." Xia Chui moved the chair over, and seemed indescribably flustered in addition to being pleasantly surprised. "Oh? Did you expect me to come back?" Jianhao looked at Xiaomi tenderly. "No, but how can Chinese New Year be without you?" Jianhao was inexplicably moved by Xiaomi's frank eyes, and he didn't know whether to accept it or not. "Do you know that this house is going to be demolished?" Xia Chui turned around to get the wine, but Jianhao's words bounced him back to the original place. "Demolish the house? It's impossible. Who did you hear?" "When I came in just now, I saw the approval for municipal relocation on the bulletin board at the entrance of the alley. It won't be long before this place will be shoveled into a green space." Xiaomi turned his gaze to Xia Chui blankly, and was surprised to find that there were wrinkles on his previously smooth forehead. A language that no one else can understand was brewing in their eyes again, intersecting, melting, and dissociated with each other, Jianhao truly felt the intimacy suspended on the edge of taboo for the first time. He has been watching Xiaomi silently, the cleanliness of her eyes except for Xia Chui makes him experience the sharpest pain behind the truth. "I haven't come home yet." Jianhao casually ate some food and wine, and stood up again. "Xiaomi, I came here specially to see you. I'm relieved to see that everything is fine with you." The overtones in Jianhao's words made Xia Chui feel extremely awkward. "I'll take you out..." "Let me deliver it." Xiaomi realized something and went out first. Jian Hao patted Xia Chui on the shoulder and nodded to him. At this time, a gust of cold wind flashed through the crack of the door, and Xia Chui felt his shoulders chill. "Where's Ruan Jing? Did she come back with you?" At the crossroads, Xiaomi finally couldn't help but speak, she knew very well that no one except Ruan Jing knew she was with Xia Chui. "we broke up." "why?" Xiaomi didn't leave, and stared at Jianhao's slender back under the streetlight in confusion. "for you." Jianhao didn't look back and continued to move forward. "Jianhao?" Xiaomi caught up and grabbed his sleeve, forcing him to stop, "You know, Xia Chui and I..." "You have your stubbornness, and I have mine." He was very calm. "So, I'm back." Xiaomi's brows piled together in puzzlement. Jianhao walked up to her again, and looked at her carefully and attentively. "You are so beautiful, more beautiful than ever, but not the beauty of the aggressive little girl who always talked about 'pig beans'." "The you in front of me are mature and graceful, just like a sweet little woman." "It's a pity that I wasn't the one who changed you." Xiaomi nodded and said nothing. "During the time you were away, I always dreamed of your past, crying, laughing, angry, naughty. When you cry, the corners of my eyes are wet, and when you smile, the corners of my mouth are crooked. , It's strange, you let me have an expression when I sleep." "So I thought, what do you mean to me?" "In this way, I gradually got used to thinking about you with contemplation, and unexpectedly discovered that loving someone silently is actually a way to pursue happiness. Before, I always confessed my love, hoping to get your response, In fact, I have never really paid you anything." "In the face of your unstoppable pain, I actually chose to be a coward who stood on the sidelines. In comparison, Xia Chui is much braver than me. No wonder you choose him." He laughed at himself, and Xiaomi's eyes immediately became moist. "But now, after all of this, that boy at the ramen restaurant who sandwiched your beef has grown up too." "Xiaomi." Jianhao called softly. "I came back just to tell you that no matter what happens between you and Xia Chui in the future, I will always stand by your side. I am tired, suffering, and have nowhere to go. As long as you are willing, come back a little bit. Once you turn your head, you will definitely see that I am still standing where I am, waiting for you with open arms." "Jianhao, don't do this, I beg you not to..." Jianhao bent down and spread out his palms to catch the water drops that accidentally fell from the corners of Xiaomi's eyes. "Don't cry." He held her face and wiped away the hot tears that continued to slide with his thumb. "When you are with me, you are not allowed to shed a single tear, even for me." Xiaomi ran away helplessly, and quickly disappeared at the end of the alley. Jianhao stood on the street corner where the neon lights flashed, resisting the bitterness of witnessing her being instantly swallowed by the darkness. Xiaomi saw Xia Chui leaning alone under the street lamp waiting for her at the door, she didn't walk over immediately, but hid in the dark and watched obsessively. He stood there so urgently and awkwardly, if it wasn't for the occasional sniff of his frozen nose, it would be hard for people not to have the illusion of a statue.He looked up into the distance again, and Xiaomi couldn't count how many times it was in a minute. She thought, how many times did he experience such lonely waiting during the days when they were separated? Xiaomi suddenly wakes up to a fact that has existed for a long time. Between her and Xia Chui, no matter whether they are inseparable or far apart, the insurmountable barrier is destined to become an indelible mark on each other forever, just like being forced by fate. The torn birthmark was originally a complete piece, but now it is sealed in two different people, and it can no longer be merged into one. At that moment, Xiaomi realized for the first time that she was bearing nothingness, and the burden on Xia Chui's shoulders was far heavier and more terrifying than hers... She began to doubt whether such love was meaningful?However, no matter how much she doubted and resisted, she still couldn't give up being with him, because she knew that the ultimate sorrow after abandonment was closer to the critical point of death than the suffering of loving each other, so she had no choice but to follow along again. The dark rope approached him step by step. Xia Chui's warm hands immediately fell on Xiaomi's cold face. Finally waiting for her, he took a deep breath reassuringly, a simple smile filled the corners of his lips with the gradually warming touch. Xiaomi took out a handkerchief and wiped off Xia's snot that was about to solidify, and then also held his face with both hands. The two stood silently in the coldest and wettest corner of the city, slowly warming each other, and some indescribable thoughts flowed slowly. It was night, and the creaking sound of Xia Chuan's bed tossing and turning came from the attic. Xiaomi also couldn't fall asleep, so he picked up the flashlight and climbed up the stairs. "Brother, I'm cold and want to sleep with you." Xia Chui pulled her up, vacated the warm side, and moved her body to the other side of the floor. Xiaomi sneaked in quietly, and Xia Chui could feel her body was icy through the cotton-padded coat, but she still turned her back, motionless. He knew how to keep her warm, but he didn't think it was appropriate. After a while, he realized that Xiaomi was snuggling up quietly, and then a thin hand was softly strangled by his waist. At this moment, Xiaomi's body was completely attached to Xia Chui's back. Xia Chui's heartbeat suddenly accelerated, he didn't dare to move, and even his head became dizzy. "I don't want to leave here," Xiaomi said. "I know, but the government wants to demolish it, so there's no way." "..." "Xia Chui, what should I do with him?" Xia Chui understood who she was referring to. If it were someone else, Xia Chui would make the decision for her without hesitation, but it was not someone else, but her only good friend. "Have you started to like him?" "Why do you say that?" "You've never asked me this kind of question before." Xiaomi sighed silently, Xia Chui's head became even more confused, and her tone was like a person who is losing love. "Maybe, one day, I will be with him, I can't talk about liking or disliking. When you don't need me anymore, there will be only him." "He is the closest person to you, so it is also my only choice." Xia Chui didn't know why she said these things. At such moments, Xia Chui felt particularly vulnerable, as if his usual strength was completely attached to Xiaomi. Once she wavered, his will would also falter. "I will not leave you, this, I have said many times." "But you can't live like this forever." "I feel fine." "It doesn't matter if the house is demolished, we can rent it again, as long as we are together, there is no problem that cannot be solved." "Xia Chui, some problems are not about you and me..." "Millet!" He grabbed her fingers, and she wanted to shrink back, but she seemed to be excited. "With me, are you happy?" She did calm down. "I feel very happy, really happy, but that kind of happiness is often on the same scale as the idea of ​​wanting to leave you, so I can't exactly measure the impact of such feelings on your life's destiny ...is it good? is it bad? is it real? or is it imaginary?" "Now, don't you think the price of happiness is too high? For me, you don't hesitate to hurt Jianying. For you, I am doomed to let down the person who has always silently guarded me. Before, we have always insisted on using actions to win Proving that such a relationship is innocent, now that I think about it, who will bear all that Jianying and Jianhao have paid for them?" "Xia Chui, aren't we too selfish to live in isolation like this for the rest of our lives..." Xia Chui felt that he should not hesitate any longer. On that night in midsummer in 1989, Xiaomi was lying on his chest and talking to him like this, and he fell into a dilemma while talking.That time it was about the future, and this time, purely, it was about love. So, he untied Xiaomi's arms around him, turned over and took her into his arms. He didn't want to give up embracing her, let alone let her turn her back to him and cry secretly by herself. "Shh, don't talk, don't talk any more, listen to me." "If there is any accountability, the culprit is fate. It wrongly makes people love each other when they shouldn't, and cruelly makes those who love them suffer. I hate it and curse it." "Therefore, my life is doomed to run counter to fate, and I will always fight against it to the end!" "Xia Chui, I'm starting to get scared, really scared." "Don't be afraid." He relaxed his arms, let Xiaomi lie down, wantonly reflected tenderness into her eyes, and fondled the blue hair on her forehead with his fingers. "I'm here with you." "Perhaps in the end, we still can't fight the arrangement of fate and are forced to separate, but you must keep in mind that no matter what happens in the future, no matter who you are with, where you are, even...even if you come from this world Disappear forever, and I will definitely return to your side, like this, to accompany you forever." "To me, there is no life without you." At this time, Xiaomi's clear eyebrows and eyes completely protruded from the darkness, and they glowed dazzlingly under the hazy moonlight.The moment the hair between Xia Chui's fingers slid down to her earlobe and rubbed against something wet, Xia Chui pressed her lips against her eyelashes without hesitation and sucked them, then her nose, cheekbones, cheeks, ear roots, and jaw... … "Although I have always, always hoped that you would stop crying, but I have always, always longed from the bottom of my heart to be able to tolerate all your tears, collect them all into my pores, blend with my blood, and flow to the body All the places filled with your memories, until the day your heart stops beating." "Where will I be on that day?" In the darkness, she smiled calmly. "Wherever you are, I will be there." As soon as Xia Chui finished speaking, Xiaomi reached out and covered his eyes. "Close your eyes, just for a while, okay?" When he moved away, Xia Chui's eyes were closed tightly, he turned around and lay back to the original position, his eardrums carefully observed the subtle movements in the air. What is Xiaomi going to do?He pondered uneasily. Not long after, Xia Chui felt his right hand being stretched open, and a soft, petite, and smooth object was embedded in his armpit as lightly as down. The object continued to squirm, as if it wanted to gently pull his other hand over. A fire ignited in Xia Chui's mind, and he woke up instinctively. He quickly got out of the bed, staggered and hid in the corner of the attic, and was almost tripped by the furniture in the dark. The humidity in the corner was heavy, freezing to the bone marrow, but Xia Chui's body was on fire, severely lacking in oxygen. "you do not want me?" Xiaomi called out helplessly. "me……" Xia Chui felt his mouth was dry, swallowing the remaining saliva with difficulty. "We can't do that." There was an instant silence behind, there was no sound, and there was no movement at all. "...Xiaomi?...Xiaomi, are you still there?" He panicked and didn't know if he could turn around. "Look at me, just one look, I beg you..." Her voice was clearly behind her, very close. Xia Chui suppressed the fire of desire that was about to burst out, and turned around slowly. He felt that he was hit by a blinding white light, he couldn't open his eyes ignorantly, and in the gap of blurred vision, countless shadows of millets appeared in front of his eyes: those of babies, those of children, those of girls... When the light disappeared, Xia Chui Finally, I clearly saw Xiaomi's mature and magnificent carcass like a jade in the rough, white but not desolate, weak but not thin...how beautiful she is!How could she show such beauty in front of him without hesitation, how could she? Xia Chui immediately rushed forward, grabbed the coat on the ground and wrapped her up.However, at the same time, he couldn't let her go from his arms. "I can't have you, that's an insult to you, do you understand?" "It's yours. I don't want to give it to anyone else. If I give it to someone else, I won't be me anymore." Xia Chui wept uncontrollably, he cupped Xiaomi's face and kissed it crazily, almost making her unable to breathe, and then... Gradually... Gradually cooled down... The two knelt down on the quilt as if paralyzed, and put Each other's faces were buried deeply into each other's necks, just like that, motionless, not separated for a long, long time... until the pair of bodies were almost numb, and they returned to the bed again. Xiaomi didn't put on his clothes, but turned his body on his back. "Write on my body, just like when I was a child." Xia Chui warmed his fingers, and carefully placed them on the silky cream of millet... At that time, they were only seven or eight years old, and they played the game of reading characters on their backs in sleepless nights. Later, they recognized more and more, so they simply used this Ways to communicate silently in the dark. But tonight, Xia Chui knew that every word of his was written on the front of the back, and her heart went up. you are pretty. he wrote. "Is it?" she replied timidly. I love you, love, love, do you love me? "..." Xiaomi didn't sleep soundly, but, before dawn, he suddenly saw something that he couldn't see before. She saw her and Xia Chui still embracing under the dim street lamp in the depths of the alley, and the road leading to the house had no end. It turned out that they were just a pair of poor people living together in the dark. That night, Xiaomi finally realized that the love between her and Xia Chui is a love that will never be free and hopeless. But Xia Chui didn't think about anything, he just kept writing "I love you" on Xiaomi's body, wondering if that was also the truest answer in her heart?