Chapter 3 Early Spring 1993

Youzi sat cross-legged in front of the tomb like a farmer, crying all the time. Xiaomi didn't understand why he was so sad. When her father died, she was so lonely that she didn't even cry. Although Xiaomi kept his monument clean, she knew that her father was still very lonely. Now, the mother has also entered, if the father asks her about Xia Chui, how will the mother answer? Xiaomi put her hand on the tombstone, and suddenly felt their intertwined body temperature pervade the lines of her palms, seeping into the skin secretly. "Stop crying." She knelt down and patted Yuko on the shoulder.

Youzi was crying so ugly, Xiaomi thought it was enough, even his father's was crying too much, who knew, his voice was even louder. "Why don't you understand? My mother has been using you." Youzi wiped his face and raised his head with a very solemn expression. "You can't say that about your mother, she is a good woman, but her life is too hard." Xiaomi looked at Youzi, he had the same bent back as his mother, the barren but flexible curve reminded her of Xia Chui. Maybe they really had love.Xiaomi stroked her mother's name for the last time, thinking helplessly.

"I want to talk to you." Youzi said to Xiaomi when he walked out of the cemetery. "My mother is dead, what else is there to talk about." "It's because she's gone that I need to have a good talk with you." "have nothing to say." Xiaomi quickened her pace, and Youzi caught up with her and grabbed her hand. "Xiaomi, you have no relatives and no reason now. Apart from that broken house, your parents have left nothing behind. Have you ever thought about what to do in the future?" "I still have Xia Chui, he's in Beijing, I'm going to find him."

"You can go anywhere, but you can't go to Beijing." Xiaomi saw that Youzi's face was covered with haze, the same expression on her mother's face when she saved up enough travel expenses to sneak away to see Xia Chui. "You have no right to stop me. My mother is dead, and Shanghai has nothing to worry about." "You can't go, your mother would never let you do it." "Why did she!" Mi screamed, "Why did she separate us!" Youzi was stunned, he didn't believe that the pair of hateful eyes in front of him belonged to Xiaomi, the child's suppressed emotion for a long time erupted suddenly, it was beyond her mother's expectation.

Youzi's heart is full of fear, he feels powerless, and it may be something completely beyond his ability to control such a situation. He calmed down and held Xiaomi's trembling fingers tightly, trying to calm down her agitation. "Xiaomi, listen to me." "I swore in front of your mother that I will take good care of you. Even for your mother, can you listen to me, stay, stay in Shanghai, continue to study, and then go to university. Didn't you always want to go to university and become a writer? ?” "Let me help you fulfill all your dreams, okay?" Xiaomi didn't say a word, just stared at his face calmly, and then let go of his hand.

"You know what my dream is?" "Go to my brother, stay with him, and live with him, just like when we were young. This is my dream. Now that you understand, don't stop me." She ignored him, turned around and walked straight to the main road. "Xiaomi!" Yuzi yelled loudly, and she stopped. "You will regret it, your mother doesn't want to see you like this, do you know that?" Xiaomi turned around. "I don't need any care." "I just want to be with him." Youzi saw her smiling from a distance, it was the first time he saw her smiling so brightly.

Youzi has never been able to forget that smile, not because of its brilliance, but because it contains too much unknown desolation. The day Xiaomi left Shanghai, the sun was particularly bright.So, on the way to the train station, she walked into the former campus again, wanting to take another look at the rooted cherry tree. The branches are bare, not welcoming the vitality of spring at all. Millet caresses the mottled trunk, hoping to give it some strength to germinate. The gardener came over and told her that the cherry tree hadn't bloomed since that year, when they graduated and left school.

"Perhaps, it is due to lack of nutrients. I am always worried that it will suddenly wither." "Don't worry, it won't die, it will bloom again one day." The gardener looked at the girl standing under the cherry blossom tree, and felt that she was filled with the smell of blooming flowers. On the evening after Xiaomi left, Youzi unexpectedly received a notice of payment for manuscripts from the Beijing Literary Magazine in the mailbox of their home, which said: "Xiasha accepts". Youzi didn't know if it was for Xiaomi, so he didn't dare to get it. He thought to himself, let's wait until he finds Xia Chui before asking slowly.

It's been nearly a week since school started, and Xia Chui still hasn't been able to find a suitable job. The money that Xiaomi sent him is in the bank and has not been touched. He would rather apply for a student loan than touch the money. After careful consideration, Xia Chui decided to entrust the Work Office to find some stable tutors.The courses in the last two years are very intense, and I have to spend almost every day in the laboratory. If I don’t get a scholarship, I may be heavily in debt before I can find a job next year. Jian Ying always wanted to help him, but Xia Chui thought it was inappropriate, and they had quarreled over it more than once.Jianying believes that self-esteem can't solve any problems in the face of reality. He thought that if the relationship gets better, he will naturally compromise.

Xia Chui knew very well that money was the only boundary between them, if even this line was broken, the future relationship would be out of control and could not be controlled by him at all. Jian Ying didn't know what he was thinking, she just didn't understand what he was worried about. Jianying's parents like Xia Chui very much, and they think he is a promising child, especially Jianying's mother, who almost treats him as their own family. Professor Tan is an outstanding woman, academically proficient, and ambitious. The only regret is that she lacks a son who is as outstanding as Xia Chui. Therefore, her preference for Xia Chui is also due to her temperament.She thought it was right for Xia Chui not to accept their help, a man should not lower his due backbone at any time, only by enduring humiliation can he achieve a great cause.She and her husband had discussed it long ago. For this child, unless he has the ability to change his life's destiny, otherwise, he would rather maintain his original arrogance.

The Jian family couple has quietly started to apply for Xia Chui to study in the United States, hoping that he can go to the United States with Jian Ying to continue his studies after graduation.Judging from the current relationship between the two children, they are likely to get married and settle there in a few years' time, so the parents have fulfilled their wish.They believed that for Xia Chui, this was the most practical and best arrangement. Of course, Xia Chui didn't know all this, and even Jian Ying was kept in the dark. "Do you think my conditions are okay?" "That's right," the director of the attendance office was very satisfied with Xia Chui's resume, "You said that you had tutoring experience in high school, parents who are more demanding will feel more at ease." At this time, another teacher came over. "Are you Xia Chui?" "yes." "Your classmate called and said that someone was looking for you at the school gate." Probably Jianhao, they agreed to meet at noon, Xia Chui hurriedly filled out the form and left the office. Unexpectedly, what was waiting for him was a girl, with her back to the iron railing, sitting on top of a heavy suitcase. As he gradually approached, Xia Chui found that she had long, straight, black hair and smooth and narrow shoulders that seemed familiar to her.Then, he smelled a clear and leisurely scent of soap. The girl sat there motionless, and after a while, she noticed a pair of eyes behind her. She stood up and turned her head, and the eyes of the two immediately met. At that moment, no one passed by among them, Xia Chuizai took a closer look at Xiaomi's face. That's right, it was her. Although it was no longer the face of an eighteen-year-old girl, the breathless sharpness was still clearly reflected on her clean and flawless face. She has grown taller, showing the demure and maturity of a young girl. Apart from the simplicity and stubbornness of the past, there seems to be something more. what is it then?Xia Chui thought quickly. He couldn't think of it, or, he didn't know what to think, until now, the feeling that made him feel uneasy from the inside out, had never appeared between them, never. She just looked at him like this, looking at him without reservation, with enough patience, waiting for him to identify herself over and over again. "Xia Chui, it's me." She finally made a sound, and if there was any delay, he would probably cry. Xia Chui walked in front of her, and saw the corners of her mouth slowly raised and smiled.For a moment, he couldn't help lowering his head, stretched out his hand to pick up the suitcase, put it down, picked it up again, and put it down again, his forearm kept shaking.Hearing his shortness of breath and severe lack of oxygen, Xiaomi immediately stood on tiptoe, wrapped his hands around his neck, and rested his chin on his broad shoulder blades. "Don't be nervous, don't be nervous, it's me, it's really me." Xia Chui's weak arms could no longer bear the weight of the suitcase, and the suitcase hit the ground heavily. He opened his arms and hugged Xiaomi by the waist. Jian Ying would never have seen this scene. When she and Ruan Jing met Jianhao in the cafeteria, they wondered why Xia Chui was not with them. Xia Chui’s classmate told her that he had gone to meet his friends at the school gate, so they decided to rush there so as not to miss each other. .Who knew, before he reached the gate, he and a strange girl were seen clinging together like two leaves soaked in water. "My God, who is that?" Ruan Jing exclaimed. Jian Ying's face was also pale. Zhong Jianhao was dumbfounded at first, then involuntarily ran forward a few steps, stared blankly for a moment, and then suddenly jumped up. "My God! It's her! How did she come? How? What happened? Shami! Shami!" Jianhao left them and rushed over without thinking. "It's his sister?" Ruan Jing immediately realized. "It should be." Jian Ying was not sure, she had never encountered such a scene. Ruan Jing was furious, chasing and scolding: "Crazy! Brother and sister are reunited, what kind of leg are you inserting!" Seeing someone rushing over, Xiaomi subconsciously pushed Xia Chui away. Xia Chui turned her head and followed Xiaomi's gaze. Jian Ying had already rushed to them, looking at them suspiciously, her heart constricted inexplicably. "Xiaomi, why are you here?" Jianhao held her hand excitedly, his face turned red with blood. "I'm here to see Xia Chui, how are you? Zhudou." "Good call, good call, it means you haven't forgotten me, but why didn't you write me back?" Xiaomi glanced at Xia Chui. "Too busy, no time." "This is Xia Chui's younger sister, Xiaomi. The three of us were inseparable when we were studying in high school in Shanghai. If it weren't for the damn college entrance examination, we might never be separated for the rest of our lives, right Xiaomi!" Xiaomi was immediately surrounded by the keen eyes of the two girls. "So you are Xia Mi." Jian Ying is sure that she matches the girl in the photo, but the real person is smaller and more simple than the photo. "Hi, my name is Jian Ying, and it's Xia Chui..." "classmate." Xia Chui picked it up suddenly, and noticed that Jian Ying's face had become ugly, so he continued to introduce Ruan Jing calmly.Then he lifted the suitcase again and turned his gaze back to Xiaomi. "Go, come home with me." "Don't you have to go to class?" "No, there is no class this afternoon." He lied again, why did he lie?Jian Ying was shocked and flustered. At that moment, she had a strange feeling. She felt that Xiaomi's appearance was like a sweat medicine that slammed into Xia Chui's heart, making his eyes no longer able to see other people. Jianhao didn't expose Xia Chui, he felt that there was nothing wrong with it, Xiaomi traveled thousands of miles to find Beijing, what is more important than being with her? "I don't have any classes. I'll go back with you. Today, your brother and I will go shopping with you. You can choose what you want to eat, drink and have fun." Ruan Jing blocked his way: "Why are you joining in the fun?" "I want to reminisce about the old days!" "Zhong Jianhao! If you dare to skip class, I will go on a date with that foreigner who speaks Swahili!" "Go, go, hurry up, remember to be gentle, if he touches you, call me, and I will come to the rescue as soon as possible." "Bah!" Ruan Jing stomped her feet angrily. Xiaomi felt very sorry for her, and wanted to persuade Zhudou to go to class, but she couldn't get in. When Ruan Jing and Jian Hao were entangled, Xia Chui quietly walked up to Jian Ying. "You go to class first, and I will call you in the evening." "What do you mean?" Jian Ying stared at him unceremoniously. Xia Chui knew what she was referring to, but he still didn't give a corresponding explanation. Now, his head is more confused than anyone else, and he can't explain clearly at all. "Is she... really your sister?" Jian Ying looked at Xiaomi, and Xiaomi also looked at her. "Then who do you think she is?" Xia Chui's tone was unquestionable. "In this case, you have to take good care of her." The corner of her mouth curled up, as if she was trying to smile at him, but Xia Chui found this halfway smile extremely awkward. "I will." He took Xiaomi's hand and walked towards the school gate. At this time, Jianhao also got rid of Ruan Jing and caught up with them, chatting and laughing with Xiaomi. "It's over," Ruan Jing's head drooped melancholy, "he must be in love with this little girl, I hope she will leave tomorrow, otherwise I will definitely lose!" Jian Ying walked towards the classroom without looking back. Ruan Jing's words made her feel very uncomfortable. The car was parked in the commercial area of ​​Qianmen Street, Jianhao and Xia Chuan were vying to pay the bill, but Jianhao took the lead.It was Xia Chui's first fight, and he felt it was embarrassing, especially in front of Xiaomi. "Why waste money." Xiaomi asked, "Can't we just take the bus?" Xia Chui replied: "It's a long way from the dormitory to here, you can't walk just after getting off the train." Xiaomi smiled and stopped making excuses. "This is an old business district with a long history. There are many old shops over a hundred years old. Let's be lively!" Jianhao was leading the way like a tour guide, and Xiaomi felt that he hadn't changed at all, he was still the clever and familiar guy he was back then.Xia Chui and Xiaomi followed him, passing a series of soy sauce gardens, tea houses, and pharmacies, and after tasting Zhengmingzhai's Beijing-style pastries and Duyi's siu mai, they strolled in the direction of West Street. "Let me treat you to KFC." Xia Chui thought about the money in his pocket, feeling a little ashamed, it was probably the only thing he could afford. "Just invite Xiaomi, I want to do it myself." Jianhao rushed into the store after finishing speaking and queued up. Xiaomi sat alone in his seat and looked at the passing crowd outside the window, thinking about the fresh expression on Xia Chui's face just now, which shows that he is not very familiar with this city. He has been in Beijing for three years, what will he be most familiar with in these three years? A girl's astonished face flashed in front of Xiaomi's eyes. When she heard Xia Chui call her a "classmate", Xiaomi unconsciously turned back to look for Xia Chui on the counter. Xia Chui also found her. She waved her hand and said Already found a seat. Back in front of the glass window, Xiaomi snickered alone.She is no longer unfamiliar with this city, because Xia Chui is here—even though there are many dining tables and figures separated, they can still find each other quickly. Jianhao dumped all the chicken nuggets in front of Xiaomi. "Eat this, this is good, it contains a lot of hormones." "What? Do you think I'm still that stunted girl?" "What are you talking about, you are beautiful and cute now, and you look extremely healthy." As soon as he finished speaking, he immediately murmured in Xia Chui's ear: "How did she know that I said she was stunted?" Xia Chuan laughed and ignored him. "I've never been a pretty girl. I haven't seen you for a few years. Your mouth has become greasy." "I'm telling the truth, if you don't believe me, ask Xia Chui." Xiaomi looked at Xia Chui with great interest: "Do you also think I've become prettier?" Xia Chui raised his head to look at her, then quickly lowered his head again without answering. "Look, I knew you were lying." "That's because your brother thinks you are too beautiful, so I'm embarrassed to say it." Jianhao is very anxious, he really wants to express clearly the shock that Xiaomi brought to him when he appeared at the school gate. That tough, brash girl from high school has really grown up and brightened.The most important thing is that the unique taste in her body that Jianhao has always missed, has followed her maturity and become irresistible. "Don't talk nonsense." Xia Chui interrupted coldly, as if he didn't want the topic to continue. "When did Mom leave?" Xia Chui put down the Coke and asked softly. Jian Hao calmed down, he realized that the long-lost reunion between their brothers and sisters still hides unknown pain and price. "About two weeks ago, I went to the vegetable market to buy flowers one morning. When I came back, she had already left, lying there with cold hands and feet, with her mouth wide open, which was scary, as if she was halfway through the sentence." "She walked without pain. I don't know whether it was God forgiving her or my father forgiving her." Xia Chui didn't speak, and was silent for a while. The restaurant was still bustling with people, and Jianhao's ears were filled with the sound of chewing, sucking water, and loud Beijing movies. It was hard to understand the silent sadness that was flowing between their brothers and sisters. Xia Chui didn't look at Xiaomi's face anymore, he drank the rest of the drink in one go, and said to Jianhao, "Let's go." In the evening, Xia Chui went to the public phone booth downstairs and hung up on Jian Ying, telling her that everything was well arranged and that she would go to class as usual tomorrow. "Or, you can let her live in my house." "She is my sister, why does she want to live in your house?" "You are too small, a girl's house, so inconvenient." "I will handle my affairs myself, so you don't have to worry too much." Jian Ying suddenly stopped talking, she felt that Xia Bui's phone and hers seemed to be separated by hundreds of thousands of miles. "Hello? What's the matter? Are you listening?" His calm voice came over. "I'm listening. If...she lives forever, are you going to take care of her forever?" "yes." "Xia Chui, don't you think..." "My mother is dead." Xia Chui interrupted her. "No one can take care of her but me." Jian Ying decided to give up, she had never felt so difficult to convince him like now. How did he suddenly become so strange?Jian Ying hung up the phone, feeling a dull pain in her heart. When Xia Chui was on the phone, Xiaomi helped Xia Chui build a simple bed with chairs and wooden boards, and then hung a rope between the two beds to hang the extra sheets on it. Xiaomi sat in the middle of the floor, raised a gap, tilted her neck and looked down at Xia Chui's bed on the other side of the sheet. She was twenty-one, and it made her a little sad that she could no longer share a bed with him. When Xia Chui came back, he saw the bed sheet lying across the room at a glance, he was stunned for a moment, and didn't say anything. Xiaomi simply washed and washed in the screen, then hid in the quilt, Xia Chui stuffed the hot water bottle into her quilt. Xiaomi covered the quilt under his nose, his eyes wandered around following his movements. "Sleep well." He came over and rubbed her hair, then sat back to read a book. After a while, Xiaomi got up from the bed, lightly picked up a small stool and placed it beside him. "What's wrong?" Xia Biao asked. "I can't sleep, maybe it's because I slept too much on the train." Xia Chui wrapped her up in a blanket and continued to read. "What are you learning?" Xiaomi asked curiously. "Cell biology and genetics. Study the structure, function, metabolism, proliferation and differentiation of cells, as well as the replication, transcription, translation, regulation, variation and transformation of biological genetic information." "Sounds complicated." "It's very complicated, but it's very useful." Xia Chui looked at her.At this time, their faces were very close, close enough to count her eyelashes, Xia Chui couldn't remember how long it had been since they talked so close. "Are you studying well?" She opened her eyes wide and focused. "very good." "I knew it." Her tone still carried the instinctive pride of a child, and Xia Chui's heart suddenly warmed up. "That girl named Jian Ying is your girlfriend, right?" The ballpoint pen in Xia Chui's hand became dull, he stared at the densely packed notes on the paper, and remained silent. "You have to be more frank in front of her. I think she's pretty good, at least better than Pei Xixi. So, you have to change your stuffy temper and take the initiative, otherwise she will feel very lonely." "Do you think she's lonely?" Xia Chui stared at Xiaomi's eyes. Her pupils were so bright that she could easily cover his eyes. "Ask me, why not ask yourself." "I was born like this," he turned back and continued writing, "It's her business whether she likes it or not." "Don't do this, it's not good." "Did you come here to teach me a lesson?" "Am I that kind of person?" Xiaomi smiled and punched him on the shoulder, making Xia Chui write a number crookedly. "Don't worry, I'll go back in two days, and I've even bought the train ticket." Xia Chui was startled: "Go back? Mom is gone, what are you going back for?" Xiaomi didn't answer first, she found that the expression on Xia Chui's face became very worried, she had never seen that anxious and impatient worry before, and she wanted to figure it out so that she could remember it. "I found a job in a big company in Shanghai. The salary is very high. I have to start work next month. I don't want to give up." "I'll talk about this later, go to sleep!" Xia Chui casually opened another book and avoided her coldly. Xiaomi returned to the bed obediently, and the room suddenly became very quiet. Xia Chui turned off the light and went to bed after finishing all the contents of the class in the afternoon. He couldn't sleep either, thinking, what exactly is Xiaomi's job for? "She's a poor girl." Ruan Jing recounts what Jian Hao told her about Xia Chui and Xiaomi's previous life in Shanghai, and re-depicts Jian Ying.That weekend, they agreed to ask the siblings and Jianhao to go to Noble Street together.Jian Ying was afraid that they would not be able to find them, so she first asked Ruan Jing to wait for them at Starbucks. "So you're going to give up?" "Jianhao fell in love with her when he was in high school, and he fell in love with her so stupidly, what do you think I should do?" "What should I do? Fair competition! Don't you always have a strong rhetoric? You can't do anything when it's critical?" "No, I think the opponent is too strong, I can't handle it. If it is self-defeating, that pig and I can't even be friends." "Why can't I figure it out? I think she's dry and skinny, and she doesn't have much strength." Jian Ying felt unreasonable, how could anyone retreat without a fight? Ruan Jing shook her head seriously: "I could see at a glance that this girl has a strange and convincing power, which is hidden in that thin skeleton. The thinner the appearance, the stronger the power, that's good Like a treasure sunken in the bottom of the sea, you can’t see it, but you can feel its existence.” "Have you ever looked closely at her eyes? I've never seen such a clear pair of eyes that make me feel as if I'm not wearing anything. The aura is breathless. Dare I say, she Must be a very talented man." "It's not talent, it's evil spirit. I think she's quite evil, she's just a freak." Jian Ying's dislike for Xiaomi is completely unreasonable. In fact, these days, when she witnessed Xiaomi and Xia Chui appearing inseparably on campus, she actually felt that way, even stronger than Ruan Jing. She thinks that Xiaomi is very special, she has a kind of innate beauty, that kind of beauty is unique because it is so bleak, so bleak that it makes people want to cry.Despite this, the temperament she displayed was still so strong, which unconsciously added a beautiful tragedy. This kind of beauty seems to have nothing to do with coquettishness, but in fact it is far more deceptive than coquettishness. Once Xiaomi's hidden beauty is mixed with Xia Chui's melancholy, it becomes particularly harmonious—an almost perfect harmony.So much so that when they stood together and talked, Jian Ying would become confused when he watched. They are not like brothers and sisters, but like lovers. This thought made Jian Ying feel horrified. "I'm sorry to keep you waiting for so long. I'm not familiar with this place, so I almost lost my way." Jianhao was sweating profusely, and sat down on the chair. "Where's Xia Chui and his sister?" "In the back, I ran here first because I was afraid that you would wait in a hurry." At this time, Xia Chui and Xiaomi walked in, one in front of the other, separated by a short distance, but Jian Ying had the illusion that the two of them were overlapping and flashing in together. "I'm afraid I can't go shopping anymore." Xia Chui said to Jian Ying before he could sit still. "Why? Didn't you agree?" "Ask her." Xia Chui pointed at Xiaomi, "She just told me this morning that she bought a train ticket for the train ticket after 3 o'clock this afternoon." "Is this leaving?" Jian Ying didn't expect this to happen, but secretly let out a sigh of depression in her heart, and felt relieved all at once. "Yeah, I'm really sorry that I failed your good intentions." She smiled kindly, showing no emotion of reluctance. "Are you leaving? Are you really leaving?" Ruan Jing became excited and asked with a smile on her face. "He's leaving, are you happy?" Jianhao yelled at her with a straight face. "No way, we just became friends, and I can't bear her." Xiaomi thinks she is so cute that she can't hide her joy. "Don't worry, Zhudou, the first person Ruan Jing is reluctant to part with is you, and the second is my turn." "Pig Dou? This nickname has personality." Ruan Jing poked Jian Hao's head, "Look, I said you are a pig, but you still don't believe me." "Can you call pig beans?" Jian Hao hurriedly shook off her hand. "I hate it the most when boys treat girls who like me rough and rough." Xiaomi's understatement made Jianhao feel embarrassed. "Zudou, not only is your mouth oily, but your personality is getting worse and worse." "Yes, yes, yes! He needs someone to scold him in a down-to-earth manner." Ruan Jing happily grabbed Xiaomi's hand: "I didn't know you were on my side, I started to like you." "I like you too." "why?" "Because I have never seen a girl who is more honest and lovely than you." "Then do you like pig beans?" Ruan Jing felt that Xiaomi was generous enough, so she simply opened up her temper and challenged her one-on-one. "I like it." Xiaomi replied truthfully. Ruan Jing's face immediately elongated, Jian Hao just wanted to jump for joy, Xiaomi added: "It's like liking Xia Chui." "You mean, just treat him as an older brother?" Ruan Jing's eyes sparkled. "That's right, and it's far worse than Xia Chui, because I have no blood relationship with him." Jianhao was deeply shocked and kept sighing, Ruan Jing was very happy, she didn't expect Xiaomi to be so honest with her.At that moment, Jianying's eyes suddenly met with Xiaomi's. Similarly, Jianying saw countless trusts and entrustments in her clear eyes.This girl is so smart, and with just a few words, the troubles they discussed earlier and the confusion hidden in her heart were resolved. Jian Ying glanced at Xia Chui, who had no expression on his face, and was strangely depressed by himself. Xia Chui went back early to pick up her luggage, and then sent Xiaomi to the train station.Jianhao was in a bad mood, sat with Ruan Jing and Jian Ying for a while, and then left first. On the way home, Jian Ying stared at the overjoyed Ruan Jing strangely, wondering why she was so stupid. "What's there to be happy about." She squinted her face. "Can't you see how powerful she is? She deliberately stimulated Zhong Jianhao so that he would be more fascinated by herself. What is not available is always the best. Do you understand this truth?" "I think she is upright and has a unique personality. I, Ruan Jing, will be willing and convinced to lose to such a person." "Neuropathy." Jian Ying couldn't help cursing in Shanghai dialect. "Jian Ying." Ruan Jing suddenly walked up to her, frowning. "I found that you are a stingy person." Jian Ying was stunned, and stood there blankly. She didn't expect Ruan Jing to understand that sentence. Xia Chui returned home and found that Jian Ying had almost tidied up the room, only the long sheet remained unmoved, as if it was left for him deliberately. Xia Chui was about to take it off the wall, but for some reason, Jian Ying felt that his action of removing the bed sheet was particularly sad. As Xiaomi came and went, it seemed that Xia Chui's depression became more and more serious. Jian Ying has never realized that he is such a lonely person, so lonely that he would rather shut himself in the narrow gap of life. No one can go in except Xiaomi. Jian Ying couldn't bear this feeling, she walked over and hugged him from behind. Xia Chui didn't refuse, but turned his body around and buried his head in, like a lost child. "I know you are worried and want to keep her by your side. I understand all this, but you also have your difficulties, don't you?" He hugged her even tighter, and Jian Ying knew he had agreed. At this moment, the old man in the public phone booth called Xia Chui's name downstairs, saying that there was a long-distance call from Shanghai. Xia Chui picked up the microphone, and a strange man's voice came over. "Are you Xiaomi's brother Xia Chui?" "yes." "My surname is You, and I'm your mother's friend." Xia Chui remembered that Xiaomi mentioned in the letter that there was a man who had been taking care of them, could it be him? "how did you find me?" "Your mother gave me your school's phone number, and your classmate gave me your home phone number." "Is there anything you can do with me?" "Xiaomi, did you come to see you?" "She just left." "You mean, she has returned to Shanghai?" "right." "Thank you for letting her come back, don't worry, I will take good care of her." "It was she who insisted on coming back. She said she found a good job in Shanghai and would start work next month." "Work? What job? Oh, you mean odd jobs. She has been doing odd jobs for the past two years." "What did you say? Please say it again!" Youzi suddenly realized that he seemed to have said something wrong. Xia Chui grabbed his coat and rushed out the door, Jian Ying didn't have time to ask anything, so he hurriedly followed behind him. Back at the train station, Xia Chui pushed through the crowd to look for Xiaomi like a madman. Jian Ying was completely overwhelmed by his frightened expression. The point of madness. Finally, he saw her, standing at the front of the ticket checking line, with a dazed look and staggering steps.He rushed over, dragged her away from the crowd, and walked out without looking back. "What are you doing? What are you doing!" Xiaomi tried his best to break free from his hand, and accidentally slipped and sat on the ground. Jian Ying followed her up and helped her up: "Xia Chui, if you have something to say, you scared her." Xia Chui quickly tried to snatch the ticket from her, but unexpectedly, her reaction was even faster. During the scuffle, the ticket was torn in half. Xia Chui repeatedly checked the half of the ticket in his hand, and finally found the date on it. At this moment, someone overturned the oil pan that had been boiling in his heart for a long time, and the burning pain spread all over his body. "You just bought this ticket! What a job! What a high salary! You have nowhere to go!" "You lied to me since you were a child, and you're still like this when you grow up. Do you have any conscience? Four years ago, I left a diary and left me alone on the train. I haven't settled the account with you yet. Now you Going to play the game, isn't it? Isn't it?" Xia Chui's thoughts went back to the train four years ago, the repeated pain made him hoarse.He hated her, hated her from the bottom of his heart. Could it be that she didn't understand how much that ruthless summer had made him cry? "I'll tell you!" He finally stopped shaking her shoulders, roughly held her in front of him, and said to her clearly, "Don't even think about it!" Jian Ying didn't understand what was wrong with them, but saw two cold tears flowing down from the corners of Xiaomi's eyes without turning back. Xiaomi is temporarily staying in Beijing. This news made Jianhao sleepless for several nights.Ruan Jing thought that he had mental problems and suffered from love paranoia. She began to study psychiatry, hoping to cure him as soon as possible. Xia Chui's bed sheet screen was pulled up again. This time, Xia Chui specially found some wood and made a small table with drawers for Xiaomi. Xia Chui has a whimsical idea, if it succeeds, Xiaomi's lonely life may be able to glow with a frightening light.He had to do something for her, otherwise he couldn't heal the pain left over from abandoning her for a long time. "From now on, you will write novels on this table." Xia Chui almost ordered, and at the same time threw her a pen and a pile of manuscript paper. "I stopped writing a long time ago." "Then start writing again now." Xiaomi glared at him: "It's fine to write on plain white paper for drafts. Manuscript paper is only used for transcribing. Will you spend money? No wonder I can't afford you." Xia Chui finally smiled, this was the first time he smiled at her since Xiaomi agreed to stay. "Don't scold me, I'm brother." "Don't raise me, because I will raise you in the future." "Why?" "Just because you are my sister." "I have only one sister, you, too." Xia Chui had never said such a thing before, and Xiaomi was a little moved.But she doesn't want to show it, she wants to keep it in her heart, and enjoy it slowly when she is alone. Xia Chui finally went to buy a new desk lamp. Xiaomi's eyesight has been very good since she was a child, and he didn't want to hurt her eyes. Jian Ying still frequently appeared at their home, and soon became very good friends with Xiaomi.The only inconvenience was that they didn't have the chance to make out with Xia Chui, after the night of the last time, they never had a second time.At the beginning, Jian Ying thought that this would not affect their relationship. Isn't it often said that distanced couples live longer and more purely than those who stay together?可是，时间久了便明显感觉到那种间距在日益增大，而最主要的原因就是小米。 夏吹对小米的宠爱就像扎根在沙土里的岩石那样坚固，任何外力都无法折损。 简影有种诡异的预感。 她触觉到夏吹始终如一的平静外表下，或许一直隐藏着一座沉睡的火山，当小米在校门口出现的那一瞬间，火山惊醒了。此时此刻，岩浆正从山口汩汩地奔涌出来，默默却难以遏制地爆发出毁灭性的焚烧力。 但是简影立刻就否定了自己的判断，她觉得这不合情理。小米是夏吹唯一的亲人，多一点爱护也是理所当然的事，为什么要如此战战兢兢，想到暧昧的路上去呢？ 他可从来没这样对待过我。 当简影亲眼目睹小米的表情主宰着夏吹所有的喜怒哀乐，当夏吹无微不至地呵护着小米，而自己却只能像个局外人似的袖手旁观时，她心里不止一次，失落地浮现起这句话。 简影曾试探性地问过小米：“从小到大，除了哥哥，你还喜欢过别的男孩吗？” “没有。”她似乎连考虑都没考虑，这让简影非常吃惊。 “不过，以后会有的。”她笑呵呵地补充道。 “那你觉得猪豆怎么样？他那么喜欢你，你为什么就不能喜欢他呢？” “因为阮菁比我更喜欢他，更适合跟他在一起。” 其实，建豪的想法简影是很清楚的。她知道阮菁是难得的好女孩，不过，硬要去勉强一份爱情，实质上对谁都是没好处的。她迫切地期盼着小米能接受建豪，那么一切就顺理成章，她也不会再胡思乱想了。 简影决定要想尽办法撮合他们，即便牺牲阮菁的友谊也在所不惜。 夏吹并没有意识到和简影的关系已经从初夜突破性的亲密逐渐滑入不温不火的轨道。幸好全国小说新人奖就快开始了，简影陷入了紧张的创作中，恰倒好处地与夏吹和小米划开一条浅浅的分界线。 直到春假，简影把夏吹和小米一同带回家。 “他们真的是兄妹吗？”谈教授在厨房里偷偷问女儿。 “很像男女朋友对不对？”简影淡淡地回应。 母亲果然有着与她相同的直觉。 “年纪差不多的兄妹都会让人产生错觉；夏吹的家庭状况你也知道，小米自幼和他相依为命，感情自然比一般兄妹更深厚。不过你放心，他们绝对是嫡亲的亲兄妹。” 谈教授探头又看了小米一眼，内心仍然浮动着一丝隐忧。 “这女孩子不简单，身上那股子灵气比她哥哥还锋芒，我担心她将来会成为夏吹的负担，影响他的前途。” “他们已经没有亲人了，应该不会分开吧。” 谈教授担心的，恰恰就是这个。 自从小米决定留在北京后，夏吹的生活重心就移到了维持生计上面，频繁的家教很快就填满了他所有的业余时间，渐渐的，没有工夫再照顾小米了。 夏吹想多赚一点钱，租一套两室一厅大一点的房子，这样小米就可以有一个自己的书架了。于是，简影自然而然地以女友的身份替换了夏吹的位置，当然，时刻不忘把建豪也扯进来。 对于简影和建豪的体恤，小米很有分寸地承接或是拒绝，始终下意识地有所保留，这让建豪无法实实在在地贴近她的心。 简影却认为有志者事竟成，一再鼓励建豪不要轻易放弃，好像完全忘记了阮菁的存在。 不过，小米可没有忘记。 她不认为自己留在北京就可以随便搅乱别人的生活，更不想成为阮菁的绊脚石，她知道阮菁是那种真挚善良、感情强烈的女孩。要是建豪选择她，人生就会充满阳光，变得无比灿烂，不必承受和自己在一起随时可能会遭受创伤的无奈。 为了与建豪保持距离，小米尽可能朝着简影的反方向走去，悄悄地，寻找着帮助阮菁的机会。 就这样，春天很快就过去了。 临近期末的时候，学生家长要求夏吹再多加几节课。于是，夏吹顺便向勤工办申请了加薪，主任说需要调查一下目前的授课情况才能定夺，不过问题应该不大。 夏吹开始看房子，希望赶在年底前搬进去，好给小米一个惊喜。 可是，不够，总觉得不够。只要一想起小米这几年为他所忍耐的一切，他身上那种硬生生的痛楚就会复发，无所不在地折磨他。 我到底还能为她做些什么呢，什么呢？ 每当小米不经意地对夏吹露齿而笑时，他总忍不住一遍遍地问自己。 于是，夏吹再也按耐不住，决定提前实施计划。 趁她不在的时候，夏吹偷翻了小米的抽屉，花了整整一个下午的时间，在一堆旧文稿中找出了一篇誊写工整的小说。然后，摊开早就准备好的参赛表格，仔仔细细地将小米的简历填上去。 小米白天打理家事，晚上看书，写作通常是在深夜。夏吹开始担心她的身体，可是，每当午夜醒来，看见屋里微弱的灯光和她伏案的背影，又觉得仿佛回到了上海，那个直不起腰的阁楼上面，让人有了家的感觉。 小米并不知道，这四年中，夏吹一闭上眼睛就浮现在脑海里，最为熟悉的东西，就是那个阴冷潮湿的阁楼，以及阁楼上，匍匐在他胸口、陪伴他度过无数个难眠之夜的小米。 星期三，阮菁要参加北京电视台模拟主持人的甄选，邀请夏吹、简影和小米来替她捧场。建豪觉得很无聊，爱现就是爱现，何必假惺惺？不过，他没想到小米会提早出现在校门口等他。 室友问，那个朴素亮眼的女孩是谁？建豪一时答不上来，他站在不远处，眺望小米瘦小挺拔的背影，突然没理由地伤感起来。 建豪有些困惑，从这个角度，隔着这样的距离看她，就像看着一个即便倾注自己毕生的情感也无法真正拥有的幻影，毫无真实感。 “猪豆，我有事找你。”小米很认真地对他说。 “先吃饭吧。”建豪看看表，刚好十二点，“有什么话等填饱肚子再说，你想吃什么？” “老规矩，拉面。” 建豪认为在北京吃拉面还不如去兰州。于是，请小米吃糖火烧和驴打滚，那都是北京最经典的风味小吃。小米很好奇，想了解它们的制作过程，建豪就把旅游手册里提到过的内容头头是道地说了一番。 “你真是个爱吃鬼。”小米耻笑他，“一天到晚请我吃东西，不厌烦么？” “不会，我最喜欢看你吃东西了，嘴巴一动一动，真好玩。” 小米扑哧一声笑出来：“谁吃东西嘴巴不是一动一动的？” “你嘴巴小，动起来比较好看。” “猪豆，不要在我身上浪费口水，讨好一下阮菁对你来说没那么困难。” “那不是困不困难的问题，而是真不真心的问题。” “我不相信你们在一起那么久，你对她连一点感觉也没有。” “我是喜欢她，可是我不爱她。” 建豪苦恼地皱皱眉，觉得那是无疑是一件强人所难的事。 “你错了，”小米停下脚步，“如果不是我突然出现的话，你早就爱上她了。” “可你出现了。” “所以，我觉得这都是我的错，我把你和夏吹的生活搅得乱七八糟。” “这是命中注定的事，如果当初我留在上海，履行和你哥的约定，你就不会活得那么辛苦。你知道夏吹在北京第一次见到我时，是什么表情？” “我从没见过他脸上有那样的绝望。你负担了他人生里所有的赘来换取他的前途，他却把你一个人丢在上海，你有没有想过他的心情？当然，这里面也有我的责任，我父母也不愿让我放弃第一志愿。所以，这两年我也不好过。” “你这么说，让我觉得自己很可怜，我不喜欢这种感觉。” "Millet." 建豪走到她面前，细细审视她，小米看见他眼里流动着温情，内心平静如水。 “我不是可怜你，也不允许任何人来可怜你。” “这句话，十八岁时我就说过，我爱你，想一辈子照顾你，把你从夏吹的生命里转接到我的生命里。” “以后再也不要对我说这样的话，那是永远不可能的事。” 小米的表情很冷漠，冷漠到让建豪觉得她已经为自己的人生划上了一个无形的句号，没有任何人可以将它解开。 建豪不懂，不懂自己身上到底哪里不对劲，以至于再怎么努力也打动不了她的心。他也希望自己可以爱上阮菁，将小米放在和夏吹同等的位置上，可是他力不从心。因为即使现在，他已经看见小米的心是一道又一道封锁着的门，却还是傻傻地流连在门外，说什么也不愿离开。 她将自己完全囚禁，这到底是为了什么？ 建豪可以忍受进退两难的撕扯，但他无法容忍小米独自一人承担这种莫名其妙的折磨。至少应该给他一个机会，走进她的世界，为她分担一些。 除非那里面还隐藏他无法预知的谜团。 他们不再说话，直接往大礼堂走去。 小米加快了脚步，刻意和建豪保持一段距离。建豪为自己的鲁莽感到后悔，难得单独相处，好好的机会就这么白白浪费了。 与此同时，夏吹和简影正站在北大勤工俭学的办公室里，一筹莫展。 “到底是什么原因？夏吹不是一直做得很好吗？为什么突然取消他的家教资格？” 简影一肚子怒气不知道该往哪儿泄。 “我不想为难您，只想得到一个合理的解释。” 夏吹的目光始终没有离开主任的视线。 “这个……我不太方便说。” 主任望着夏吹，那孩子脸上最特别的就是那对正直的眼睛，连他自己也觉得那件事很荒唐，可是，他不敢冒险。 “夏吹，你的能力很强，也许……是工作不合适。” “那是他专长，他以前一直做的，这您也知道，不是吗？” 主任瞥了简影一眼。 “我并没有说他教得不好。说实话，是家长提出要换人的，我想这可能和学校里流传的一些谣言有关。” “什么谣言，我不太明白。” 夏吹根本不知道这回事。 “最近，学生里在谣传你和你妹妹的关系有些暧昧。听说，你不仅把她接到北京同住，还公然在校园里出双入对？” “虽然听起来离谱，但是你要知道，身为学生会主席，谨言慎行是必须谨记于心的，因为你无法估计有多少双眼睛正在默默地注视你。我也知道时下的年轻人私生活比较开放，可凡事总得有个分寸，即便是最普通的关系只要流露出一点点偏离轨道的迹象，就可能引起极大的误会……” “这简直是污蔑！”简影突然打断主任的话，脸色好象受到了恐吓似的煞白煞白，“我可以用我的人格担保，夏吹和他妹妹之间的关系至始至终清清白白。主任，您也知道夏吹家里的情况，他有他的难处，我认为这根本就是学生会里那批争权夺利的新生故意造谣生事。” 主任不理会简影的话，而是直接将目光转向夏吹。 “夏吹，作为老师，我很欣赏你。但是，作为一个有阅历的长辈，我必须提醒你，复杂的家庭背景对于一个人的前途的确有着非同小可的影响。不管这件事是真是假，都必须妥善处理，一个像你这样优秀的青年，是不应该周旋在这些无聊俗事里的，何不把眼光放远一点，为自己今后的人生好好做打算。” 夏吹不说话，也没有表情，过了很久，他忽然站起来，深深地鞠了一躬。 “谢谢您告诉我这些，很抱歉，给学校添麻烦了。” 说完，就转身向门外走去。 这时，办公室里所有疑惑的眼睛都汇聚在夏吹一个人身上。 “你不会是惹到谁了吧？” 简影觉得有点冷，禁不住把脖子缩起来。 “别告诉小米。” "what?" “我说这件事不要告诉小米。” “可是，你丢了工作她迟早会发现，而且就快要考试了，哪还有时间去找另一份。” “这个我自己会想办法，你只要帮我保密就行了。” 简影突然意识到什么，跑上前去拦住他的去路。 她凝视他的眼睛，任何细微的变化都不想放过。 “夏吹，这不是真的吧？” 他没点头也没摇头，神色陌生而又镇静，把简影整颗心抓到了半空。 “不是。”他向前走几步，背对着她，闷闷地回答。 “我当然相信你，只是，想听你亲口对我说。” 简影松了一口气，就在刚才那几秒钟里，她真怕夏吹突然放手，眼睁睁地看着她的心脏笔直坠落，砰然碎成一地渣。 夏吹不得不伸出手来，握住她。 简影的十指冰凉而僵硬，好像麻木了似的一点反应也没有。 阮菁穿着玫瑰色的职业装站在舞台上，语气沉稳，音色纯美，与平日大大咧咧的疯样判若两人。她表现得比任何人都出色，简直和电视上的金牌主持没什么两样。 “这是她嘛？”建豪小声问小米。 “你不觉得她很棒吗？” 建豪第一次面对阮菁有自惭形秽的感觉，他深刻地体会到，辜负这么一个出类拔萃的女孩是多么可耻的行为。 夏吹和简影终于走进来，小米对他们招手，夏吹点点头却避开了她的目光。小米有些困惑，预感到可能发生了什么事情。 结果，阮菁以总分第一的成绩顺利入围，快快乐乐地请他们去吃烤鸭。直到结束，小米也没发现夏吹的神情有什么异样。 晚上，夏吹翻来覆去很晚才睡着，小米心里有些难过，她知道他有事瞒着她。 而事实上那天夜里，失眠的不止夏吹一个人。 夏吹白天在办公室里的神情让简影毫无疑问地感觉到事情决非想象中的那么简单。 他拒绝解释。 原因或许很复杂，也可能很简单，简影不想追根究底，怕反而蒙蔽了自己的视线。所以她只是逗留在简单的范围内思考，并总结出夏吹之所以拒绝解释的理由只有两种，一是他认为那个谣言已经无稽荒谬到不屑于解释的地步，二是为了保护小米，怕这样的诽谤会影响到小米的纯洁。 其实，还有第三种，隐藏在简影内心的禁区里。 她认为那种可能性虽然已经几次三番露出端倪，但还是没有明显的证据来促使她鼓起勇气去揭露触碰它。 可是，每当她的思绪独自徘徊在禁区里时，她总能不经意地看见小米的影子，一个人，孤独地站着，温柔地凝视着，仿佛与隔着距离的，另一个和她一样苦苦守侯的人交相辉映……那个人就是夏吹么？简影不敢往下想，因为她知道根本没有人能接受伦理道德之外的真相。所以，这一切只是幻想一下就好，不必当真相信它的存在。 而另一个也在失眠的，是钟建豪。 回学校的路上，阮菁对他说：“和我一起继续庆祝怎么样？就我们两个人。” 当时，她的眼睛很明亮，在深夜霓虹灯的映衬下显得格外动人。 建豪没有拒绝，让阮菁有点受宠若惊，建豪内心正郁闷着，第一次对阮菁有了倾诉的冲动。 他们来到DISCO，像跳蚤一样在人堆里疯狂扭动，痛快地出了一身汗。接着，建豪就感到冷飕飕的，于是，一个人躲到吧台的角落里喝酒取暖。过了一会儿，阮菁也坐了下来，她点了一杯很烈的鸡尾酒，一口气灌满了她的胃，然后凑近建豪的耳朵大声嘶吼：“我说！你，为什么不爱我，我到底哪里不够好？” 建豪歪过头来看她，很奇怪，她的眼睛比先前更亮了，好像浸在水滴里似的。 “真巧，今天我也差点问她这句话。” 阮菁听懂了，低下头去，忽然又抬起来，勉强地对他笑：“说实话，以前你的确挺好的，热情又聪明，潇洒又风趣……可是，小米来了，潇洒的建豪不潇洒了，连最基本的幽默感也没有了，真让人讨厌。” “是么？我已经变成这样了么？” 他紧张地审视她脸上的表情，想分辨那里面到底有多少玩味多少真挚。 阮菁用手轻轻拍打胸口，他竟然怀疑自己，这让阮菁的心疼到抽搐。 阮菁看见建豪正在被小米吞噬，他不再相信自己，就快要失去爱和被爱的勇气，可是，她对建豪的爱也在濒临崩溃。 她连自己也拯救不了，又有什么力量来拯救他？ 建豪望着阮菁，等待她的回答，可是，开口之前，她眼眶里闪闪发亮的水滴突然溢了出来。这时候，四周的喧嚣消失不见了，只听到水滴掉到酒杯里荡漾的声响。 建豪惊愕。 "fool." 阮菁落寞的嗓音传过来。 “在我心里，你永远是那个最棒，最最棒的钟建豪。” 建豪浑身颤抖，用尽全力把阮菁抱在怀里，喧嚣几乎立刻就将他们淹没了。 “建豪，我到底怎么了，现在这样，一点也不像我。” 阮菁