Chapter 2 Chapter2 Qiao Mu

I know this place in City A, and I heard that many people yearn for a cocktail called SO LONG, which means "goodbye".The name was chosen by Qiao Mu. It is appropriate, subtle, and meaningful, which fits his tone very well. SO LONG is very expensive, so expensive that it is only a few pages to make a list of people who have drunk it so far, but people still come to S City in waves, looking for the restaurant called " Forgotten” bar, and then don’t hesitate to exchange a lot of banknotes for a glass of colorful cocktails with an ordinary taste. SO LONG is indeed a very common cocktail. The reason why people are fascinated is that people believe that as long as they drink it, they can eliminate obstacles and stay away from pain.

Every day, countless lost lambs linger in the Forgotten Bar. They have only one goal in common—to exchange money for a farewell: goodbye to loneliness, goodbye to pain, goodbye to guilt, goodbye to lies, and goodbye to sin and greed. Farewell to her forever, as long as she can exchange for inner peace and spiritual detachment, even if she loses everything, she will not hesitate. Looking for a bargain?You will be kicked out without the boss asking, no one will tolerate you haggling, that is the most shameless blasphemy of it.It is sacred and priceless, and it is too ignorant to care about the liberation of living.

Therefore, many people who went in came out with nothing, but they were willing, because they felt that nothing was more valuable than starting over with peace of mind, and it was because of them that the Forgotten Bar could become a place hidden in the darkness of S City. In the deep, magical castle, SO LONG, known as "Wangyoushui", is the "spiritual poison" carefully prepared by the "evil" magician of the castle to defraud people of wealth.Perhaps, I shouldn't use such derogatory terms to describe Qiao Mu and his Forgotten Bar. He didn't really do anything harmful, but he just used his "specialty" like me, and the process has no essence The difference is that they have different purposes - I use it to fill a meaningless life, and he uses it to make huge profits, not to mention that there are only a few who can really taste SO LONG.Qiao Mu is a man with the same ability as me.

Aloof, arrogant, unsmiling, harsh and conceited, the only pleasure is to steal other people's memories by using the characteristics of telling the truth after drinking. The prop is a poor quality cocktail. If you are lucky, you will meet one or two depressed rich women or Beauty, I don't mind having one or two short-lived loves within 24 hours, because I have suffered too much life misery like me, and I saw through the world early, and summed up all the world's sophistication into one sentence: "Life is meaningless." I disagreed with his point of view and often argued with him, but he called me hypocritical, repeatedly emphasized that he and I were born of the same kind, and felt desperate for his own life from the bottom of his heart.I have been unable to accurately judge the relationship between me and Qiao Mu, which made me become a wandering spirit when I dreamed of him, wandering around the city, looking down on each other's stupid appearance with the most contemptuous eyes.

We often utter wild words, deliberately expressing unreasonable hatred for the other party, and even sneering and swearing at each other.When making love, they are like conjoined twins, devouring the turbulent orgasm like sea waves with the power to try to kill each other.I screamed shamelessly until my saliva dried up and my senses became dull. Sometimes, even I felt ridiculous, but Qiao Mu was always dull, rushing and rolling in my arms expressionlessly, but that did not affect the pleasure of the flesh. He tirelessly climbed and trudged on me, as if it were a huge breeding ground that could gather and release all his greed.

"You look like..." "Like what?" he asked. I studied his expression every time he fell from a high altitude, and there was no surrender, emptiness and lack. He is a different man, a man who can surpass and control the limits of his senses. "Like an apple that can never be eaten. Whenever I am about to take a bite, I find that the gap in front has grown, perfect and without a trace of tooth marks, so I will never be able to taste it completely You, too, will never be able to see the true face of the fruit core hidden deep in the skin." "A calm woman, but her body is full of spiritual nectar, what are you trying to tell me?"

I didn't answer, and didn't want to answer.Qiao Mu's words made me realize that if one day, I accidentally died in this man's arms, it might not be a good destination. "I won't let you die." He whispered angrily, his body still wriggling firmly. "Unless I die before you." "...I wasn't like this before." "At least not six years ago..." I don't know why I said that, his brows were red with surprise because of this sentence. "What were you like six years ago?" "It's very simple, very happy, very confident, very powerful, very..." In fact, he touched my sore spot, and I don't want to say any more.

"What about now? What makes you unhappy, unconfident, and powerless?" I run away from his eyes, he has a pair of very deep eyes, often makes me feel the fear of being absorbed inexplicably. "What's wrong with that now?" He tilted his gaze contemptuously. "I hate fake women." This sentence hurt me deeply, and at the same time, it also crushed my ambition to live again in S City.I also clearly realized that in front of him, I couldn't pretend, and I decided to face myself with a true attitude.However, it was not easy, not only difficult, but also painful.

Qiao Mu is a strange man, I can't read his heart, why he wants to get close to me, trying so hard, trying to revive me?Unfortunately, he can only make me see more clearly that the past six years ago will never recall me six years ago.This is why he keeps giving me a glass of SO LONG. He wants to steal my memory, whether it is malicious or kind, he is always calculating, but I will not let him succeed, just like I would rather pretend to be strong than be afraid alone.I didn't have the courage to abandon Ann, and I didn't know why. "I never expect you to like me, so I don't care that you hate me." After saying this, the red light on his face disappeared suddenly.

I'm a little proud because I know he lied.Maybe, me too. Qiao Mu is a person with a story, but I don't know where to start.We have been living separately in different cities. I later found out that his time in City A was no shorter than mine. He was born there and had a much better impression of it than I did. It was not until his adoptive parents divorced that he moved to S in a hurry. city.Not long after, his adoptive father died of illness, leaving behind a considerable legacy, which is the famous Forgotten Bar. The year my parents died, Qiao Mu unexpectedly appeared at their funeral.

He bowed and laid the wreath, then approached me politely and asked, "You don't remember me?" That was the first time I saw him. I couldn't scrutinize a person in that situation. However, a bearded man with a burly figure and thick facial features shouldn't be forgotten so easily. So, I really don't remember him. He took something out of his pocket as evidence, obviously prepared. It is a kind of gadget made by bamboo sticks. The long strip is bent into a radian and perpendicular to the short one. It is fastened from the half center, and there is a funny little human head on the top. Two strings of colored buttons of equal weight. I was stunned, I did this not to fall down. That was my childhood toy, how could it fall into the hands of a strange man? "Guess who I am?" He made the Unfailing Man stand on the ring finger of his right hand, and continued to play hide-and-seek with me. I thought hard and finally remembered. This man is the little boy who sat in my parents' office and occupied my seat. "Your name……?" "Qiao Mu." "Wood that is not wood, but nomadic shepherd, please don't get it wrong again." He subconsciously thrust his chest into a wall and explained earnestly. "Did I miss your name?" "I haven't called you right since I was ten years old." "What do I call you?" "wood." I wanted to laugh, and I knew it wasn't appropriate, but he really made me forget the pain of losing a loved one for a split second. "Here, this is what you gave me back then." "Why should I give you this?" "how could I know?" His eyes widen, making me feel like a fool. A mature man, after more than 20 years of cherishing a childhood gift, tried his best to get me to recognize him. How could he only care about a toy? It's a pity that he was too self-righteous, and a touching reunion was so harmlessly ruined. After the funeral, I was invited to the Oblivion Bar. In just one month, I drank almost all the cocktails there, except SO LONG. During those days, I was like a kite with a broken string, flying around the city, rushing to find a job during the day, and hiding in Qiao Mu's bar at night until I got drunk and passed out.If no one ordered SO LONG, Qiao Mu would accompany me to chat all over the place, the past, the present, and the unknown future. At the same time, he slowly picked up the fragments of his childhood left in my mind. Zong Zong, even pieced together a lot of pictures. However, when those pictures were clearly spread out in front of my eyes, they were not as beautiful as I imagined. Qiao Mu is the only adopted son of my father's good friend Uncle Qiao. It is unknown who his biological parents are. When he was ten years old, he came to my house on time every week and accepted the memory filtering experiment with me. In my impression, Qiao Mu is a taciturn, very autistic little boy. He is not as naughty and active as ordinary school-age children, nor does he have the rich expressions that ten-year-old children should have. Sitting quietly in the corner, watching those patients attentively. However, his eyes are fascinating, especially when focused. I didn't know it when I was young, which is why I couldn't help but secretly pay attention to him. I tried to take the initiative to talk to him, but he always drooped his head and looked indifferently. It wasn't until his twelfth birthday that he raised his head to look at me for the first time. This was the only time I met him, the day I was forced to withdraw from my parents' experiment. Qiao Mu is different from me, his talent comes from his nature, and he has a strong sense since he was very young, so Uncle Qiao sent him to our house, but since his ability was recognized, he has completely Assimilated into my parents' world, it is very difficult for me to see him again, otherwise, I would not forget him completely. What happened later was only recalled intermittently by Qiao Mu after we met. For example, he used to be my parents' assistant, and he also studied psychiatry in college according to my parents' wishes, and worked hard to become an outstanding psychiatrist. He is an expert, but in the end, he still had to give up this goal and left City A with Uncle Qiao. When Qiao Mu narrated those things, he seemed very calm and indifferent, even a little vague. I think he was not willing to mention too much of his privacy to me, and he deliberately did not make them coherent, lest I secretly replace his memory. Yes, it can be seen that he is such a small-minded person, he actually thinks that if I hang out with friends at night and clean their heads for free, I will suffer from occupational diseases like him? Compared with him, my job is much simpler, and Qiao Mu is always looking for opportunities to steal the stories about Ann buried in my head, so he is the real master of cunning and cunning . "One day, you'll say it." More than once, he threatened me sternly. "Because you know better than anyone else that only I can save you in this world." "Oh? So you're a god?" I satirized him, happily watching the subtle embarrassment well up on his haughty face. "To you, I am." "Then you must be the god of death." His cheekbones instantly turned pale. "I admit that it was indeed a nightmare of mine. Other than that, you guessed everything wrong." "Qiao Mu, in my eyes, you will always be that stupid tree that can be forgotten anytime and anywhere, but that period of the past and the person in the past are memories that I can never discard in my life, unless you let me die." At that time, I didn't expect that those words would make Qiao Mu silent for a whole winter. And Qiao Mu's silence was another snowstorm between me and him, which has not completely melted until now. He started chasing sex and was with different women every day. I don't know if all those women really suit his taste, but I have no right to interfere. Besides, he looks much happier than when he is with me , leaving me speechless. Actually, I don't care about the women around him, I'm just not used to the way he treats me. He was too lazy to talk to me, and completely threw me aside, even the most basic tit-for-tat was gone, which made my life fall into another monotonous state. In this regard, I do have some regrets and sadness. So, I had no choice but to withdraw my high-spirited posture, and slipped away through the door of the Forgotten Bar listlessly, and returned to the cold lair that was far away from him, looking back lonely. Maybe that's not what I mean. Maybe he just wanted to help me. Apart from regret and sadness, should I feel guilty for stabbing a man who has regarded my worthless bastard as a priceless treasure since I was twelve years old? I can't figure it out. The huge raindrops turned into raindrops, but there was no sign of stopping.Because the road is very close, I didn't open an umbrella, and when I stood in front of the bar, my hair was already soaked. Qiao Mu threw the towel across the bar. "You finally decided to continue to sympathize with me." I dried my hair and combed it neatly, and sat gently in front of him. He looked at me and looked away for a long time. "Since I didn't take your words seriously, shouldn't you also forget my innocence?" The snow began to melt again, silently flowing into a lake in my heart. I took the wine from Qiao Mu's hand and asked, "What's it called this time?" "It's called not forgetting the past." I curled my lips cheerfully, but he still made my favorite cup for me, with the same taste but different meanings. Qiao Mu continued to be busy with the work in hand, I stared at him with a smile, with a gentle gaze he had never seen before, but the moment he suddenly raised his head, I unconsciously retracted it. "Sit over there?" He pointed to the private seat next to him. I nod. We started drinking, as in the old days, in relative silence for long periods of time. I looked around inadvertently, forgetting that the business of the bar was still so good, with customers coming and going, as busy as the rain outside the window, and I found many familiar faces, those faces were still full of anxiety as before, but they learned to occupy a favorable position and let the dark The light slightly dilutes and obscures the superficial commotion. There was a woman who was watching us secretly from a seat not far from us. She is not my audience. This is what I judged from her reverie-filled eyes. Her thoughts are only focused on Qiao Mu alone, and there may be some ambiguous images in her head. I appreciate the nakedness. The woman in front of her knew very well that passion was just a flash in the pan, if she didn't catch it quickly, she would slip away to nowhere in the next second. Qiao Mu is an attractive man, I don't need to deliberately deny it, the fact is obvious, while that woman has insight into Qiao Mu, there are many pairs of beautiful eyes watching him, including his assistant MAY. I like MAY very much, because she is a rare kind of pure and refreshing little girl, but unfortunately she doesn't like me. All the women in the bar don't like me, although they know very well that I am an ordinary woman who has no weight inside and out. My eyes returned to Qiao Mu, he was still looking at me, and he refused to look away even while drinking. "Don't do this, I will be murdered by those women sooner or later." "Everyone here knows that observing you is one of my hobbies, and they have long loved the house." "What's interesting about me?" I regretted it when I asked, and I forgot that he is a person who can't lie. "You really don't have much to look at. You have pretty features but are not exquisite, your figure is moderate but not full, and you have unique taste but don't bother to dress up. Therefore, the word "beauty" will always have a distance from you. But..." He looked down and played with the cup holder, as if eager to hide some emotion. "You are very smart, very natural, very calm, without the perverseness and sense of superiority of women nowadays. "You are a very peculiar woman with enough temperament to attract me." "What kind of temperament?" He narrowed his eyes slyly, as if he had noticed my uncontrollable lightness. "A very common but unmistakable temperament. Didn't that person fall in love with you because of it?" "That person? Do you know that person? Do you know my relationship with him? Do you know what role he has played in my life? You don't know him or me, but you think you can rob me and everything with him." "I don't understand, I only know that in this life, except for you, no woman has given me such an ugly birthday present, so that I have been confused since I was twelve years old." "Oh? Really? Then I'm the most inexplicable bully in the world. In this bar, there are countless women who have had one-night stands with you. Which garlic am I? Which onion? Will you, a veteran in love, never forget it? How about we make a bet? I'll leave here immediately, and a woman will come to my door in less than five minutes." He raised his neck, drank the wine in one gulp, and then stared at my face coldly. "Why should I bet the facts? It's as if I don't have to waste time on a woman whose body and soul are separated. To me, those women are more flesh and blood, more affectionate and righteous than you, at least the ones who are with me That's the time." My blood froze instantly. He can laugh at me, he can be indifferent to me, but he can't insult me. I stood up without hesitation, and he stepped in front of me first. "What? Did I sting you?" "Boss, someone ordered SO LONG." MAY came over and interrupted us embarrassedly. Qiao Mu looked back, and it was indeed the woman who was staring at her and couldn't bear it for a long time. I just took the opportunity to turn my head and rush out of the bar. It was extremely cold outside, and the medicine lost its effect at this time. Severe nasal congestion, sore throat, and dizziness attacked my body one after another, devouring the recurring wound in my mind... I started running, trying to get rid of the growing helplessness on my shoulders, but the rain seeped through my clothes, making my steps staggering. "An Ling—!" He caught up. I don't care about him, and I don't want to die. "Stop!" He grabbed me and covered my head with an umbrella. "You're crazy! Do you want to kill yourself in such a cold day?" "right!" Tears welled up in my eyes uncontrollably. "I just want to die! Let me die! Even you can bully me and abuse me, so what's the point of me being alive!" "Bullying? Abuse? Let me just talk about it, is it that serious?" "It's not serious, it's not serious at all. I wish you could guard your 'flesh and blood'. From now on, we'll make a clean break and stop bothering me!" Suddenly, he threw away the umbrella and dragged me into his arms. "Sorry, I didn't mean to." I struggled desperately, but he refused to let go. With all my strength, I punched him on the bridge of the nose. "Do you know what I have been through? Do you know what kind of pain I have endured? It's not that I don't want to forget. I have worked hard, but there is no way. The impact of that incident on me is beyond your imagination , but you, you have repeatedly thrown me into that shadow, and repeatedly made me unable to face myself, what do you want from me? What do you want from me? " "It's best to ask yourself this question first!" He covered his nose and yelled loudly. But the pair of eyes, the pair of eyes I hate the most, are still so strong and stubborn, even if it is pouring rain, it can't drown them. My heart is like cotton wadding swept by wheels, flimsy and scattered in corners that no one cares about. "Qiao Mu, don't you understand? The little girl who sent you away has gone away with the ghosts of her parents. Now I don't have the strength to love anyone, including you." Qiao Mu didn't continue to follow, he stood still and shouted loudly: "You know I won't give up!" Tears and the mud under my feet quickly intertwined into black holes one after another. I had to speed up my pace so that the thunder behind me would disappear in my world as soon as possible. Lethargy, endless lethargy. I can't remember how long I slept or how many disjointed dreams I had. Seven days later, when I woke up again, the high fever had subsided, followed by pain in my muscles and bones, which tormented me mercilessly. I got myself something to eat and accidentally left soup on the sheets. The home has returned to its former filth. There are medicine bottles, toilet paper and greasy empty lunch boxes under the bed. I don’t have the strength to get up to clean up. It is already lucky to be able to lie down so alive. The words came to my mind very slowly. "Meng didn't let me go easily because of my sickness." This time, I returned to City A, hovering over the gloomy sky like a rootless ghost. I saw me six years ago—Ann who is as pure as a dove sitting on the shoulders of passers-by in early spring. The city is gray, but Ann's wings are white and flawless, which is particularly bright. She dexterously flew from one shoulder to the other, kissed the foreheads of passers-by, listened to the whispers of the crowd, happy and free... Then, he appeared, with thick black hair exuding the sticky scent of Zhuli water, floating curlingly in the crowd middle. He walked elegantly and casually, with a bright blue color, as if foreshadowing a kind of depth that did not belong to this city at all.Running quickly but not in a hurry, searching but not anxious, eagerly looking forward to something but seeming to hold her eyes intently forbearance. Then, he saw her too. He stepped closer in the same direction, subtly and subtly, like a paint pen dipped in clear water, it melted away and merged with her. "Where are you from?" he asked. "What about you?" she replied. He immediately kissed her, very affectionately. But she shed tears inexplicably, and that kiss left an indelible desolation between her lips and teeth. "I want to call you Ann, I like to call you Ann." "An...an...an..." "I love you, Ann." She was intoxicated, melted, and passed out. She felt a little hot under her feet, but she had no time to look down... They didn't know when "Red" broke in, and when they found out, they had already fallen into the endless raging fire... As soon as I closed my eyes, I could hear the crackling sound one after another around them, which was deafening. Just then, he disappeared. Red, dazzling fiery red everywhere, burning so badly that An's eyes ached, and the pain was severe, she began to call his name, I couldn't hear it clearly, or, I didn't want to let myself hear this name again. Finally, when her voice became hoarse and she could no longer make any sound, the flames engulfed her. An Zai finally saw "Red"'s eyebrows clearly at the moment when the ashes flew into oblivion. Red is a woman. A woman of rare beauty. However, the fire behind the beauty is so flamboyant and shocking... She is so beautiful, so beautiful that everyone has to blindfold her eyes, and her beauty will tear the tiny Andi into pieces... This kind of dream made me wake up crying again and again in the middle of the night, and every time I woke up, I couldn't help but miss the hug in the heavy rain. I don't understand why I would rather endure torture day after day than give it all to the man who can make me laugh when I'm happy and long for me from the bottom of my heart when I'm in pain? What the hell am I doing? Could it be that there is still an inescapable demon hidden in this riddled body? No, I cannot carry such doubts forever, no! ... When will all this really pass? Whenever night falls, I always look forward to someone who can answer me and show me the way to the answer. On the morning of the tenth day, when I finally sat at the dining table and drank milk normally, trying to sort out the relationship between me and Qiao Mu, Xiao Yu's unexpected phone call interrupted me. "An Ling, did you see it?" "what?" "Last night's 'Detective File'! That Miss Qin was sentenced to death." "Oh……" "Guess what? She called the station again and asked to see you by name. I said you were sick." "What does she want from me?" "She said she wanted to see you before she died, and she had something to say. This woman must have mental problems. Didn't she cause you enough trouble? You don't know, the police surrounded our building all day long ago." "Where is she? Did you leave her address?" I decided to meet her anyway, it was over anyway. On the day I saw Miss Qin, the weather was still cloudy and it looked like it might rain at any time. I didn't forget to put the umbrella in my bag before going out, in order to warn myself that I can't go on being sick like this anymore. The introduction letter issued by the radio station was reviewed and circulated by many people, but in the end I still couldn't meet her alone.As we speak, she is closely guarded by four guards, but she doesn't seem to care about them at all, she just smiles at me with surprise, I can't believe it, that is a woman who is only a few hours away from death . She is a bit old, but she is very clean, her long hair is neatly tied into a bun, and there is a string of pearl-like tassels hanging from the hairpin, which is very elegant. "I have to wear it," she told me, pointing to the hairpin. "It was given to me when he got married. I don't know what it will be like down here. With this, he will recognize me. Ling, do you think it looks good?" "It's beautiful, it's beautiful." Her eyes are so pure, like a newborn baby. "Do you have something to tell me?" I was careful, for fear of disturbing the last calm. She frowned slightly and sighed. "I know that I killed someone, and I have to pay for it, but I don't know why I killed him. Ling, what did I say to you that night? Can you tell me, they said it was live broadcast , you didn't record it, why didn't you record it?" "I didn't have time... Besides, you said you would surrender yourself tomorrow, didn't you?" "I don't remember. When I woke up the next day, I didn't remember anything... It turns out that I said that. It's strange. Why did I suddenly forget everything?" I was silent, not knowing how to answer. "Why should I kill him? Is it that I don't love him anymore, or does he not love me? Has he betrayed me? Has he had a woman outside? You know, the relationship between us is very good, and has always been All good..." She became agitated, and the prison guard came over, and she had to suppress her emotions. "No, he never betrayed you. As much as you love him, he loves you as much. It was a misunderstanding. You quarreled and quarreled fiercely. You were very angry, and you were confused for a moment, just..." Tears dripped from the corners of her eyes, and I couldn't say any more. "I heard that you pleaded guilty from the very beginning. Since you don't know what you did, why didn't you cooperate with a lawyer? Maybe it was manslaughter?" She laughed suddenly, tears glistening, and she laughed helplessly and desolately. "He is dead, what am I doing alive? Since I killed him, then I should pay for it." She stood up and turned her back on me, as if ready to finish. After a while, when he spoke again, his tone suddenly changed. "Ling, you are really a good person. I knew that you are the only person in this world who cares for me. Thank you for deceiving me. Thank you for giving me comfort. I have no regrets in dying." "Wait a minute, please! What did you mean by what you just said?" She stopped, still refusing to turn her head. "A listener happened to record our conversation..." Her voice weakened, like a sob floating in the dark. "...He really betrayed me and was with other women, that's why I killed him, but you don't understand, it's because I love him." "...I think I understand." She finally turned around and stared at me in surprise. Those eyes are like flowers blooming suddenly on the clearest oasis in the vast desert. "Miss Qin, if you are still willing to believe me, please keep what I just said firmly in your heart. Because it is neither deceit nor charity, but the truth. If you don't believe me, when you meet him again, you might as well ask him .” She smiled peacefully at me and walked deep into the iron gate. I stared blankly at her calm back, and saw with my own eyes that the chains that bound her were rattled off from the cross on her back, and melted silently in the long and dull steps. The prison guard looked back at me suspiciously, as if looking at a monster similar to a death row prisoner. I ignored them and strode out. It started to rain again, I took out my folding umbrella, but I couldn't open it anyway, so I had to rush into the rain. When I left, I looked at the gloomy wall, thinking that the woman who was about to die in the wall would really believe the truth that remained in my memory? Budou stood on the mailbox in a daze, and I tapped it lightly with my finger, and it started to shake. "Come out." Qiao Mu poked his head out from the corner of the corridor. "It can't talk, so is it interesting to use it as a lobbyist?" "Why is it boring? At the funeral, when you see it, you will feel much better." "How do you know I'm in a bad mood?" I glance at him. "Actually, you are in a bad mood every day, but you went to the prison today, so you are in a particularly bad mood." I laughed, and he did have a way of making me happy for a split second. He is cunning, as I have already said. "Shall we have dinner together for a treat?" He held out his hand to me, and my heart suddenly softened. We came to a well-known western restaurant, ordered two steak set meals, and ate them warmly. Qiao Mu put the non-reversible man on the upside-down glass and let it look at us. "You always carry it with you like this?" I deliberately avoided his eyes and cut the steak into thin pieces. "Well." "Aren't you bored?" "What about you? What are you bothering about?" The hesitation in my heart slowly surfaced. "Qiao Mu, have you ever thought about giving up that skill?" "That's not a skill, it's a tool to make money. Without it, what would I eat? You are different. I think you should learn from your parents, find a way to control it, and selectively serve others so as not to bear too much psychological pressure. Burden, you must know that the motives of those listeners who confide to you are often just to vent, and they don’t really want to erase that memory, just like you have always refused to tell me your experience. Sometimes, people want to immerse themselves in In pain. Maybe it’s for tempering, maybe it’s because I think I can find the exit with my own strength.” I was surprised by what he said at the end. "Don't stare at me like that. You said it yourself. You said that you have been trying hard to forget, so my aggressive attitude has indeed violated your privacy." "Just like me to Miss Qin..." Qiao Mu's words once again verified my doubts. "Miss Qin? What's wrong with Miss Qin?" I put down my knife and fork, feeling the need to tell him the truth. "Do you know why I was depressed and even began to doubt my ability? I think I hurt her." "How do you say that?" "You once asked me what I saw in her dream. In fact, what I saw was a fact that was completely contrary to her description." Qiao Mu's eyebrows twitched together in confusion. "Her husband didn't betray her at all, never. On the day of the incident, she followed her all the way to the hotel where her husband was on a business trip. When she saw a messy bed, she became suspicious and decided that he had just had sex with a young and sexy woman. The service lady had sex on it, and the more she thought about it, the more vivid and realistic she became, so she went crazy and killed her husband while he was taking a bath." "how so?" Qiao Mu was confused. "Miss Qin lost her uterus due to cancer a year ago. She suffers from severe paranoia and has been imagining that her husband has sex with other women. However, a small part of her deep memory is still awake, which is enough to prove that her husband She has been following the rules for many years, especially after she was ill, she was even more considerate to her. Everything was imagined by her, including the words she said to me on the show." "So, when you find out she's actually a psychopath, you regret it." "yes." I can no longer hide from him. "I know I made an unforgivable mistake. I shouldn't have filtered her memory. If they find her mentally problematic, she won't die..." "However, she will live in more pain." Qiao Mu interrupted me resolutely. "You can only choose one of the two. At that time, you didn't know that she was ill. You just wanted to help her. Perhaps death would be a relief for her. If it were me, I would rather end it than spend time in a mental hospital. Live the rest of your life." Once again, the last trace of her peaceful and comfortable expression appeared in front of my eyes. “这么说，太不人道了，你无非是希望我好过些，可我还是很难过，为她、她丈夫、还有那种扭曲的爱情。” “安凌！” 他的目光逼近，想安抚我已经紊乱的思绪。 “睁开你的眼睛，看看遗忘酒吧里的那些人。这城市里，到处都是病入膏肓的疯子，我们不是救世主，他们有他们的执着，你懂吗？无论如何，这件事已经过去了，不必再去想它，其实，不光是这件事，以后，连你的故事我也不想知道了。不过，有件事你必须答应我。” "What's up?" “将来，你能自己找到出口那当然最好，万一有一天，我是说万一，你发现自己根本没有那个能力，或者厌倦了煎熬和挣扎的话，请你把它交给我，让我来为你承担，好么？” “为什么？我不明白我哪一点值得你放弃一贯的冷酷无情，那是你从小到大赖以生存的筹码。即便你真的爱我，也大可不必一辈子承受我的痛苦，难道你不知道，一旦我交给你，你就永远无法摆脱它了。” “你错了。我并没有为你改变我的原则，我仍旧是个悲观主义者。我说过，人生没什么意思，所以，多一段或少一段记忆，对我来说根本没有任何影响。” “但是，我无法忍受你也深陷其中。” “你应该是璀璨的、明媚的、对生活充满希望，我不喜欢你现在的样子，虽然我并不清楚你以前到底是怎样的，我只希望你脸上能再出现当年送我不倒人时的那种天真无邪的表情，毕竟，那是我有生以来记忆中唯一一件有意思的事。” 我情不自禁，握紧了他看似冰冷却无比温暖的手，睫毛也湿漉漉地颤抖着。 吃完饭，我和乔牧一起回到了遗忘酒吧。 那天晚上，我们很亲密，很愉快，一杯接一杯地聊着这几年发生在我们之间的一些有趣的事。 我突然发现，有些时候，他还是很可爱的。 我有点依依不舍，想邀请他进屋，把剩下的一点印尼咖啡喝完，可是，他醉了。 我推了他一把。 "how?" 他皱皱眉，眼里雾蒙蒙地生起两堆篝火。 “你知道我不是那种女人。” “哪种女人？” 他卤莽地把我夹在门缝里，嘴唇有意无意地贴近我的脸。 “你想象中的那种好女人。” 他沉静地看了我一会儿，眼神变得和以往不同，有点陌生。 “乔牧，我并不讨厌你，只是……” 他笑了，阻止了我。 “让我告诉你一个秘密。我知道你是哪种女人，只可惜，你不知道。” 然后，他扶住我的臂膀，俯下脸来…… 我仍然不能确定，这是不是我想要的。 乔牧合上眼帘，把篝火掐灭了，那双交替着的软唇正反复提醒我，这是一个没有任何肉欲、很理性很直白的吻，但是，我却感觉到莫名的激动，这让我第一次在他面前表现出无所适从的紧张。 睁开眼睛……睁开你的眼睛…… 我不安地在心里默念，并开始对这样的吻感到惧怕。 他的睫毛没有抬起来，反而往更深处探索，我忍不住哆嗦起来，完全没有料到他会闯入我的禁区，蓦地点亮了那盏气数已尽的油灯。 我的身体越抖越厉害，他不得不稍微放松一下。 “你不喜欢？” 我凝视他，不再躲避，他也在竭尽所能，解读遗留在我脸上的千头万绪……忽然间，我哭了。 乔牧蹲下来，抱紧我因瘫痪而滑落的身体，我看见泪水在下落的过程中凝结成温暖而洁白的晶体。 “要我陪你么？”他轻声问道。 我回吻他，把晶体含在口中，软弱而疲惫地。 女人？ ... 我到底是什么样的女人？ 这个问题，在突如其来的变化中越来越模糊了 ... 凌晨时分，乔牧的不倒人悠哉地摇摆着。 左右左右、左左右右…… 书桌上，金黄色的光柔和地照过来。 一根纤细的手指，从灯晕下徐徐探入，慢悠悠地靠近……越来越慢……越来越近……点到它的后脑勺。 她轻轻地点，它轻轻地摇。 再轻轻地点，它又轻轻地摇。 不倒人好象很喜欢这样的游戏，粗糙的木头脸上浮出快乐的表情。 就在这时，指尖突然凶猛地刺了进去！ 刀刃似的指甲深深地卡在球体的后半部，铁锈色的液体沿着竹杆厚重地流下来。 不倒人顿时失去重心，仰面倒下 ... ... ... “不要！——” 我大叫一声。 “安凌，醒醒！” 我立即睁开眼。 “你做噩梦了。” 乔牧抚摸我潮湿的面颊。 “不倒人……不倒人……” “不倒人怎么了？” 我推开他，直奔书房。 不倒人果然躺在地上，断成两截。 乔牧也愣住了。 我走过去，把阳台的门关上。 乔牧拾起地上的残骸，不知所措地望着。 空气里有股被侵蚀的浊臭，仿佛，有什么东西刚刚进来过。 这时，太阳出来了。 “雨季结束了。” 乔牧搭着我的肩膀安慰道。 我依偎着他，眼看着天光泛起鱼肚白。 乔牧的身体逐渐被晨曦包围，投射出从未有过的高大阴影，他转过头来对我微笑，很安逸很沉着，在我冰凉的手脚间注入了比阳光更强大、更灼热的力量。 回头想想，这好像是六年来的第一个美丽的早晨。 那时，我们谁也没有想到不久之后就会遇见那个女人，直至事情发生的那天，我才意识到，这世界上，没有任何一种力量能改变命定的遭遇。