Chapter 5 chapter Five

The morning sun penetrated the curtains, and the colors on the walls were a gorgeous psychedelic. I washed my face and went upstairs to find Ruan Jinji. She believed that sleep is the best beauty treatment, so before 11 o'clock in the morning, I was usually tired of sleeping. bed. She opened the door for me in her pajamas, with an indifferent expression, not welcoming enough and not expressing rejection.Drag a small couch on wheels to the bed: "I'll talk to you in bed." I laughed, stuffed myself into the palm-shaped sofa, squinted my eyes, and looked at her with a slight smile.

From time to time, her eyes pass through Hao Miao's eyelashes, and she glances at me, with a lazy face: "Today, what are you going to gossip with me?" "It's nothing, I just want to come up and sit down." I looked at her and thought, should I tell her that I went to find Xuan Lingxiao?What is the relationship between her and Xuan Lingxiao? Seeing me smiling and not saying a word, she rolled her eyes: "Why are you looking at me like a pervert?" "Really?" I smiled. She pulled up the Xia quilt to cover her half-exposed breasts. "I don't think you need to doubt Ding Chaoyang anymore. Maybe Zhilan is really missing." My tone was a bit stumbling.

She glanced at me, as if she could see through my thoughts: "Maybe you're right, it's because I'm busy." She sat up and got dressed, as if she really wanted to reach an agreement with me, got off the bed, brushed a bunch of hair, put her arms around my shoulders from behind, and said earnestly, "It's my fault, I shouldn't have brought you in." "I don't blame you. If this happened to me, I would also try to figure out what's going on. After all, Ding Chaoyang is the most suspicious person. Although it's a lot of trouble, it's better than doubting him for the rest of his life in vain. "I looked at her sideways, and suddenly, I saw two faint scars on both sides of her jaw, faintly visible, hard to see unless you look closely.

I subconsciously raised my hand and touched it lightly: "Have you been injured?" She was taken aback, then quickly stood up straight, touched her chin, raised her head, as if she was recalling a long-ago story, and said slowly: "When I was young, I was so naughty that I slipped down a ladder. Here, it happened to touch the two sides of the washbasin stand." on a protrusion." As she spoke, she made a gesture: "The iron washbasin stand with an iron pattern on the top is my mother's dowry." I took a breath of cold air. She patted me on the shoulder needlessly: "Scary, right? However, when I was a child, my pain nerves were underdeveloped. I hardly felt any pain except fear. My mother was frightened. Later, she told me that I was hanging on the On the washbasin stand, like a fish about to be dried."

She raised her head and learned how to hang there. I stared at her stiffly, unable to speak for a moment.She imitated dried fish without much interest, went to the kitchen to get two cups of coffee, and handed them to me: "Do you have something on your mind?" I shook my head.Just as I was talking, my phone rang. It was a text message from Li Changfeng, asking me what I was up to. He overheard my show last night and thought my voice on the show was very magnetic, better than the voice he heard face to face. I replied, thanking him for his compliment, Ruan Jinji tilted her head and smiled slyly: "Who is it?"

"An audience." I don't want to bring Li Changfeng to the front of the screen, at least not now. Ruan Jinji looked at me and smiled: "Cheat me? You won't announce your phone number on the show, will you?" "It was a classmate who seldom contacted, who accidentally listened to my program." "Male and female?" "male." "Oh..." Ruan Jinji pursed her lips and smiled. I knew she was pretending to be ambiguous, but she was just joking with me. Based on the relationship during this period of time, she should have understood me, even though I made up complicated stories. In exchange for food money, but I like a simple life, I am not too narcissistic, and I don’t feel so good about myself that any man who calls me will think that he is in love with me.

Another text message came, and it was still Li Changfeng, asking me how I felt about his dining table. If I feel good, I will continue to invite me another day. Ruan Jinji sat on the armrest of the sofa, tilted her head, giggled, read the text message, and teased: "Fortunately, I haven't contacted him very much, I have already had dinner at his house, don't tell me he doesn't like you, and don't Say you hate him..." I didn't want her to guess, so I confessed Li Changfeng's feelings for me and the meal a few days ago. Of course, I didn't tell her the reason for meeting Li Changfeng.

Ruan Jinji giggled for a while, with a noncommittal look on my words: "Aren't you trying to empathize with me?" "Come on, I'm going to have a puppy love, why wait until now." "That's not necessarily the case. Some men are like wine. It takes a long time to have a fragrance." He added: "If so, I support you." Seeing me staring at her blankly, staring at the floor under my feet with cold eyes: "You know why." Seeing that she still couldn't let go of her hatred and speculation towards Ding Chaoyang, and considering the relationship between me and Ding Chaoyang, it was difficult for me to explain much, so I had to let her go and gossip, and she went to the beauty salon.

I dialed the number I copied from the landline again, but it was still connected, and no one spoke. I stayed for a while, turned on the computer in boredom, and tried to write a novel. Unexpectedly, it went smoothly. At noon, Ruan Jinji called me to ask if I was busy. If I was not busy, I went to the store. The store had a new batch of black sea mineral mud and wanted to give me a skin care treatment. I said I was busy and was writing a novel. Ruan Jinji didn't seem to believe it, and said, "Is it an excuse, did you have an appointment with someone else?" I guessed what she meant, so I was a little disgusted. I knew she hated Ding Chaoyang, so she wouldn't blatantly push me into other men's arms. What's more, not only did she not know Li Changfeng, she had never even met him in person. Could it be? In order to make the man she is hostile to lovelorn and painful, it doesn't matter if I just go and get along with cats or dogs?

"I never lie, if you want to think so, I can't justify it." Ruan Jinji heard my displeasure, and closed the line, but I couldn't write another word, and my train of thought was lost.Looking at the screen, I thought of Gu Fuli who was waiting for Ai Ai at the gate of the Southwest Garden last night. I turned off the computer and went downstairs. When I passed the duty room, I took a special look. Gu Fuli was distracted with a gloomy expression. I knocked on the window, he was startled, I smiled and said thank you. He looked at me inexplicably: "Mrs. Ding..." I smiled and waited for him to continue.

He hesitated for a moment, and said, "Your program is so good, I listen to it every night." I say thank you.Looking at his watch, he was afraid that he might think that Zuo Zi didn't want to talk to him, so he said, "Give me some advice." He smiled and said, go get busy, I have nothing to do, just say hello to you. I waved goodbye to him, went out, called a taxi, and went straight to Southwest Park. The bar at noon was quiet and dark, there were no customers or waiters, it was so quiet that people were uneasy, Xuan Lingxiao was turning a glass of wine at the bar, when he heard the door knock, he raised his eyelids, saw that it was me, and smiled with the corner of his mouth, Didn't say anything. I sat on the high stool at the bar and ordered a glass of mint beer, the light green color reflected beautifully in the glass, and there was a trancelike beauty in the dim bar. Xuan Lingxiao lit a cigar and looked at me coldly, as if trying to play a prank: "There are usually two types of girls who like clubbing." "Which two kinds?" I took a sip of beer, and the faint mint tingle made my mouth itchy and refreshing, like the moment before my body was surging with lust. "One is lonely and boring, and wants to find some excitement in the bar; the other is caring, and mistakenly regards the bar as a place to relax. In fact, the bar can only increase people's troubles and boredom, because you will see many posters hanging Dirty and naked face of animal desire." "Which do you think I am?" "The latter." I didn't deny it.Looking into his eyes, he smiled and said, "Xuan-ling-xiao-." "Oh, I won't ask you from whom you got my name, I'm quite famous, oh no, I should say notorious." To be honest, I don't dislike him at all, and I even admire this straightforward and tough man a little bit.I looked at him and said slowly, "Xu Zhilan." He was shocked suddenly, his face suddenly turned gray, and he stared at me blankly for a while: "Who are you?" "I'm with her husband." His brows relaxed a bit, and he said mockingly: "Women are always like this, full of curiosity about their ex-love, always wanting to find out whether he loves himself more or loves his ex more, it will be tiring to be so curious Yes, you know? Delusions are the source of pain." "But, pain doesn't exist without delusion? It's just self-deception, right?" He put out his cigar and said while fiddling with the ashtray: "However, you may be disappointed. I don't know anything about their relationship." "I don't want to ask this. I heard that there was a time when you heard a woman crying downstairs at midnight. At that time, Xu Zhilan had been missing for a while." He looked at me steadfastly, and said firmly, "Who invented this nonsense? How come I, the client, don't know anything?" "But……" He suddenly interrupted me tiredly: "Come on, if you come to drink, I welcome you, if you want to know some old things from me that I don't know, I'm sorry, I have nothing to say." "I want to know why you moved away after Xu Zhilan disappeared. If you don't know anything, then I'm sure you're lying, because you know Ruan Jinji, and you should also know that Ruan Jinji came back this time to uncover the truth. The inside story of Xu Zhilan’s disappearance, I guess by intuition, there is a secret in it, but I can’t figure it out for the time being, Ruan Jinji is Xu Zhilan’s close friend, and you are Xu Zhilan’s neighbor, and you, let Ruan Jinji live in your house As a support for her." I said without hesitation. "What exactly do you want to know?" He interrupted me again with sharp eyes: "Why don't you just ask Ding Chaoyang?" "Because I'm not sure that Ruan Jinji's suspicion is correct, and because no woman is willing to believe that the person she loves is a murderous criminal." I said calmly, "Besides, you must know that Ruan Jinji's real name is not Ruan Jinji, Also, I saw the scar on her jaw, and I don't believe it was just an accidental injury when she was a child. Of course, for women who naturally love beauty, plastic surgery is a very normal thing, but another function of plastic surgery is Cover up your past." He looked a little grumpy and looked at me without saying a word. "Please tell me, what is going on?" I almost begged. He sneered: "As expected of a writer of suspense novels, your imagination is really good, but I want to tell you that it is enough to use your cleverness in writing novels, not in your life, otherwise, you will be in great pain .” "Why did Ruan Jinji find you out of the crowd and rent a house with you?" "Haha..." He suddenly looked up to the sky and laughed, as if my question was extremely stupid: "She found me 30 years ago. I am her cousin. Can't my cousin lend the house to my cousin?" I was stunned. Thousands of speculations and suspicions were all wrong, but unexpectedly, he is Ruan Jinji's cousin! He waved his hands a little funny and impatiently: "I'm going to be busy, I don't have time to play this boring game with you." As he said that, he began to look around in the bar, and I followed behind him cautiously: "So, as a former neighbor, can you tell me something about the past that I don't know?" He glanced at me: "Do you think I'm so silly?" I smiled to myself: "Last night, I seemed to see Gu Fuli coming." His face was ashen, and he stared at me with a look of unbearable.I smiled to myself: "Last night, I seemed to see Gu Fuli coming." I didn't want him to feel disgusted by my overreaching, so I got up to leave. He had a sullen face and didn't say goodbye. I knew he didn't want to see me again. After leaving the bar, the street was full of the scorching sun in summer, making it hard to keep your eyes open. I walked on the street in a daze, and based on my intuition, I guessed that there was a secret hidden in Xuan Lingxiao's heart that he would never want to say. I suddenly felt confused, wandered aimlessly for a while, and then simply went to Ding Chaoyang's company. The security guard asked who I was looking for. I was stunned for a moment, suddenly a little confused, we have been together for two years, but I never went to the company to find him. I said to find Mr. Ding. He looked me up and down and asked if I had an appointment. I said, please tell him Li Wandou to look for it, and ask him if it is convenient. He pressed the phone suspiciously, and before he hung up the phone, his face was full of politeness, and he told me the location of Ding Chaoyang's office in detail, and asked, "Do you want me to take you there?" "No." I thanked him, walked straight through the huge yard, through the corridor with the sound of buzzing machines, and when we arrived at Ding Chaoyang's office, he was already looking at the door with a smile on his face. The tranquility of the night during this period has gradually restored his composure, with a firm face. When the assistant came over and asked if he wanted tea or coffee, he waved his hand with a smile, and handed me his teacup: "Have you learned how to conduct surprise inspections?" "Hmm." I smiled, sat on the armrest of his executive chair, and looked at him with my head tilted. He hissed, got up, and went to close the door of the office. When he came back, he was full of evil eyes and happiness. He put his arms around my waist and looked carefully. Here, I saw a faint trace of whiteness, and I felt very uncomfortable in my heart. I know this man loves me as much as I love him, but why does every beautiful love experience wear and tear? He quickly kissed me on my bare shoulder: "I was thinking about you, and you are here." As he said, his hand slid down his armpit, and I jumped away with a smile: "Don't, people come and go to." The phone on the desk rang and he shushed me and answered it. I turned around and looked at his bookcase which occupied an entire wall. It was full of books about clothing and economics. I pulled out a foreign fashion magazine and flipped through it roughly. Suddenly, a note fell out of the magazine. Small, it's a company note, with a lot of messy little flowers drawn on the edges, and some words are crookedly written on the little flowers: You and me, me and you... What is love?This sentence was written in several fonts and repeated many times. The handwriting is round and innocent. At first glance, it looks like a child's handwriting, but it is not. For a while, many fashion magazines had a four-frame love column with pictures and texts. Most of them used such fonts, with fairy-tale-like drawings. The handwriting mimics the graphic fonts of fashion magazines. Those who like to read fashion magazines are mostly girls who are dreaming of gorgeous love dreams. I stared blankly at the string of words, who wrote it?Was it written for Ding Chaoyang? Ding Zhaoyang had finished talking on the phone, and wrapped his arms around my waist: "He is really a good boy who loves to study." My heart twitched, and I quickly closed the magazine. When I inserted it back into the bookshelf, I looked at the cover. It was the 7th issue of the magazine in 2000.A year before Xu Zhilan disappeared, someone took this magazine from his bookshelf and left this string of text. This person should be familiar to him, perhaps, she is still in the company now. My heart was slowly cooling down, I hugged my shoulders tightly, and he asked with concern: "Uncomfortable?" "The air conditioner is turned on too much." "I think it's just right. You are always afraid of the cold. It seems that I will give you more heat in the future." He adjusted the temperature of the air conditioner, smiled wickedly and quietly locked the office door.Kiss me against the wall. I pushed him out: "It's not good for people to see." My thoughts were all on the round words inlaid with messy little lace. Ding Zhaoyang doesn't care, he is such a person, the more abnormal he is, the more lustful he is: "Who told you to break in, like a tempting delivery girl." I dodged between the boss desk and the executive chair to prevent him from succeeding, and I was afraid of making a noise and being laughed at by the people next door, but I was finally caught by him. He only kissed my forehead lightly, affectionately. Looking down: "Let's get married." I didn't answer him, I closed my eyes, and my mind was full of those round fonts. He leaned into my ear and said again: "Little delivery girl, shall we get married?" As he spoke, he exerted some force on his arms and hugged me even tighter. I stared blankly at him, tears streaming from the corners of my eyes. When I came out, I don't know if there was any other woman in this room who was hugged so affectionately by him and called a delivery girl. He felt my sadness, desperately kissed my tears, and asked, "My little girl, what are you thinking?" I opened my eyes suddenly: "Have you ever treated other girls like this?" He froze for a moment, his face gradually graying: "Why do you think that?" He sat on the executive chair, leaned back deeply, and the air conditioner swirled silently in the room. He patted my hand and said softly, "I love you, don't think about it." In this summer, I was sitting on the boss's platform, crying like rain, yes, I have believed Ruan Jinji's words, Ding Chaoyang did have an affair, 6 years ago. Ding Zhaoyang was flustered by my tears, he didn't know what to do other than smoke. I said honey you lied to me, you had an affair. He frowned at me. "You don't have to deny that she used to work in the company." His brows became tighter, and he looked at me firmly: "Who is talking nonsense to you?" "She told me that herself." I decided to use Quake. "Nonsense!" Ding Zhaoyang almost jumped up: How is this possible? "You don't have to defend yourself, she is in your company, you lied to me..." I started to cry: "I used to think you were an affectionate and dedicated man, I trusted you so much, I didn't expect that there would be a rival hiding in your love In the company." He opened his mouth and looked at me stupidly, then suddenly smiled and said, "What are you talking about?" I was confused, from the angry and funny expression, it is true that he does not seem to be lying.So, I pulled out the magazine and threw it in front of him: "Look carefully." He turned it over, and the note fell out. He pinched it up, held it in front of his eyes, looked at it without blinking, and suddenly laughed loudly: "You think it was written by someone else? Haha … These magazines are passed around in the company, and it’s hard to know how many hands, how can you insist that they are written for me?” I looked at him, my tear-stained face started to feel a little feverish, and I was ashamed that my imagination was fake, but he calmed down and shook my hand: "I don't blame you, because you love me." I believed his words, not because he was trustworthy, but, like all women who are in love and can't extricate themselves, we long to reach the truth in the heart of the other person in love, but we are so afraid of the cruelty of the truth, so we have to back, back, back, yes Because we are afraid that the truth will become poison once we see it, poisoning the love we want to live forever. I stayed in Ding Chaoyang's company all afternoon. He took me to see the design room, went around the garment workshop for a few times, and introduced me to everyone: "Li Wandou, the famous suspense novelist, is my fiancée." And, although I followed him step by step with a gentle smile on my face, my heart was vigilant, trying to find a strange set of eyes among the many eyes, such as critical, jealous, and resentful.If this kind of gaze comes from the same sex, it probably has some reason. It's a pity that I didn't get what I wanted. Those compliments and compliments were sincere and simple. I even met a few loyal listeners in the garment workshop. . On the way home, Ding Chaoyang joked, "I really can't see that the person who sleeps with me every night is actually a famous person." After dinner, Ding Chaoyang was in a good mood and asked to send me to the radio station to start work. Downstairs in the apartment, I met Gu Fuli. He was standing beside a clump of hibiscus flowers with a dull expression. I remembered mentioning his name in front of Xuan Lingxiao, and I suddenly felt a little uneasy. I walked past him as if I had done something wrong. When I was there, I greeted him with a sincere smile. Gu Fuli glanced at me, didn't smile or respond, which made me a little embarrassed and boring. Ding Zhaoyang was angry, he dragged me to the parking lot in a hurry, got into the car, and said: "These uneducated security guards, you don't have to take the initiative to say hello to them in the future." "Everyone has a bad day." "What does a bad mood have to do with upbringing?" Ding Chaoyang started the car. I didn't want to argue with him about this matter, not to mention that I had already guessed something, and I couldn't tell him, so I simply turned on the car CD and listened to the music. It is very possible that after I left the bar, Xuan Lingxiao called Gu Fuli and reprimanded him. He doesn't love him anymore. Just like heterosexual love, once there is no love, there will only be boredom. No matter how infatuated he is, he will not be able to exchange love. In Xuan Lingxiao's heart, he is already an annoying piece of dandruff. Not long after the show started, I received a hot call. The voice was a little familiar, but I just couldn’t remember it for a while. I asked gently, “What’s the name of this gentleman, please.” He hesitated for a while, and said to call me Mr. A. "Well, Mr. A, what do you want to say to me?" "How can I let go of someone's love?" Since the program started broadcasting, I have received such hotlines every night. Group after group of young people are thriving, and group after group of love affairs are happening. The experience of the predecessors will not serve as a warning to the latecomers. , Emotion is a growth field that needs to be experienced personally, and no one can replace it.I kept repeating the babble every night, but the next day the same phone call would come in, because love was born every night and love died ugly every night. "Six years..." His voice was choked with sobs. "Is it irretrievable?" I asked as I thought about what to say next to comfort him. Every love that died, no matter what the reason was put on the face, the most real thing was that I didn't love anymore, but , if I hadn't met a stubborn infatuation, I usually wouldn't speak of such cruelty. "Yes, in fact, we broke up for 5 years. I can't let go of my love for her no matter what. I went to her, but she never gave me a chance. She even felt ashamed that others knew our relationship. This afternoon , she called me and scolded me because she heard someone said that she had seen me go to her." I was shocked, and suddenly remembered that the owner of this voice was Gu Fuli.He swallowed, and swallowed back the name he almost said. He quickly said: "The most painful thing for me is not that he no longer loves me, but why he can treat me like this? It seems that I am a piece of garbage blown to his feet by the wind. Once, he also loved me... ..." He was talking endlessly, but suddenly stopped, as if he suddenly remembered something, he muttered that I will call back later, and hung up the phone. Through the glass, the director shrugged at me and answered the next call. It was a call from a lovelorn girl. I insisted on telling her why the man changed so much. It took me a lot of talking to coax her to give up her plan to take revenge on her cheating boyfriend. , Gu Fuli's call came in again, and he didn't introduce himself, and continued to talk endlessly, as if he was talking about something face to face with me, but was interrupted in the middle, turned around, and continued to chat with that person It's not. I suggested that he think about the problem from another angle: "Maybe, he wants to change a way of life that is more suitable for him, or maybe, he treats you like this for your own good, because he wants you to completely give up and start a new life." I know what he said, it is no longer a woman, but a man: I personally think that once you decide to break up, doing it decisively is more a kind of deep love than being gentle, because he is afraid that you will miss him. It’s better than starting a new life, so it’s more effective to let you hate him..." He interrupted me angrily: "The problem is I don't want to break up, my life is meaningless without him!" He almost screamed: "You wouldn't know, he once tried to betray me, and in order to get him back Betrayal, what a stupid thing I have done, this disgusting thing, until now, weighs on my heart like a dirty and heavy boulder!" His madness disgusted me a little, and my voice was a little cold: "But, Mr. A, we might as well assume cruelly that being with him is a choice that makes you happy, and for him, maybe leaving you is a choice that makes him happy." The happy choice of happiness?" "I don't care, now, I don't expect him to continue to love me, but at least he can treat me like a friend? For him, I used to want to kill, I used to rape... For him, I am not even afraid of going to jail, However, he actually said that I was crazy, and he wanted to get rid of me with all his might..." He dominates the hotline, pouring out his anger endlessly. Ever since he became the host of the hotline, it is common to encounter such mentally unbalanced people, but this time, I did not signal the director to hang up the phone, but listened patiently. ... Suddenly, the microphone seemed to be covered, and the noise was so loud that I couldn't hear anything clearly. The director probably heard what was going on, shrugged at me through the glass, and cut off the phone.I tried to stop him, but it was too late, the monotonous hum from the speakers. I was very sure that this was Gu Fuli, my heart suddenly hung up, very disturbed, I gestured to the director for an intermission, and put on the music. I hurried out of the live broadcast room and said to the director, "I think something is going to happen, help me check the calling number." It was a call from my mobile phone. I quickly dialed back, but no one answered. After a while, I was cut off. I called Ding Chaoyang again and asked him to go downstairs to see Gu Fuli.When he heard that he was looking for Gu Fuli, Ding Zhaoyang's disconcerted voice immediately woke up: "What is he doing?" The intermission music was almost over, and I didn't have time to elaborate, so I urged him to go down and have a look, and tell him the specific reason when I got back, and told him, if he saw Gu Fuli was there, don't disturb him, and quietly send me a text message That's it. Although Ding Chaoyang was very impatient, he finally complied. I took a long breath and went back to the studio to continue the program. Not long after, a text message from Ding Chaoyang came. Gu Fuli was not there, and his colleagues said he had been out for a long time. My heart was suspended again, and I was a little absent-minded when I answered the question. The director was so anxious that he gestured at me through the glass curtain wall. After the show, Ding Chaoyang called and said he was waiting for me outside, I picked up my bag and ran out in a hurry. Ding Chaoyang started the car and asked, "What's going on?" "Gu Fuli called my hotline. He is very unstable and crazy. I am worried that something will happen to him." "Why?" Ding Chaoyang looked at the road ahead without squinting. "Because of feelings." "Oh, I can't see that such a dull person will also have a vigorous love affair." I didn't like his cynicism, so I said, "Every piece of land has the potential to breed life, and there is Achnatherum splendens in the desert. Everyone has the energy to start a love." "Hush! I swore that I would not discuss love issues with relationship experts." I often debate relationship issues with Ding Chaoyang, and he never won, so he simply gave me a nickname: Godmother of Love. When I got back to the apartment, I went to the duty room to ask. Gu Fuli went out at 8:00 p.m. My heart tightened even more. I was panicked and didn't know what to do. Ding Chaoyang said, "What's wrong with you? Gu Fuli lost his love and disappeared. It has nothing to do with you." "If he has an accident, it must have something to do with me!" Ding Chaoyang changed his shoes, looked at me with a frown, and waited for the next sentence. I wandered around the house anxiously, not knowing what to do, so I regretted telling Xuan Lingxiao that I saw Gu Fuli went to him, that's what I said, I got into trouble, angered Xuan Lingxiao and stabbed him Paleo welfare. I wiped my tears and said, "Gu Fuli doesn't love women." Ding Zhaoyang stared and opened his mouth wide. "I accidentally saw him go to find his boyfriend who had broken up with him a long time ago. On the street, he held his hand pitifully, but was thrown away. I mentioned this scene to his boyfriend, and his boyfriend was very upset about it. Annoyed, I guess he got angry with Gu Fuli. Gu Fuli couldn't stand his cold attitude. He called me tonight. I guessed it was him without saying his name. He seemed very desperate. Before he finished speaking, the call was cut off. If you call again, he will detain it." Ding Zhaoyang hugged me and said with relief: "Don't do this, my dear, nothing will happen. Even if something happens, it's just their business, and it has nothing to do with you." I lay on his chest and cried for a while, and said, "Can you accompany me out to find him?" "Where did he go, do you know?" "I guess, will he go to his ex-boyfriend?" "You know him?" That's right, how should I explain to him the purpose of going to Xuan Lingxiao?I just lowered my head, pretended to change my shoes, and said slowly: "One of my novels will involve homosexuality, so I have a little contact with this group, and I accidentally met him, and I also accidentally saw Gu Fuli and went to him." Ding Zhaoyang pursed his lips and his face was a little stiff. Along the way, except for asking which direction to go, he basically stopped talking. Parked at the Southwest Park bar, and I asked him if he would go in with me. He looked at the door of the bar and said, "What's his name?" "Xuan Lingxiao." I said these three words carefully, under the streetlight, Ding Zhaoyang's eyes trembled slightly: "Forget it, I'm not interested in gay people, you go in and ask and come out quickly, I'll wait for you." He shook my finger apologetically, a very cold hand. I kissed his face and ran to the bar, and he shouted behind me: "If you haven't come out in ten minutes, I'll call your cell phone." I smiled back and walked into the bar. Xuan Lingxiao was singing a sad and deep American blues with his head down, in a state of intoxication, as if he had forgotten all the troubles in the world. I waited patiently for him to finish singing, ran over, and dragged him aside: "Did Gu Fuli come to see you?" He shook off my hand impatiently: "Please, don't ask these boring questions all the time, okay?" "You don't need to love him anymore, but you don't have to lose your temper with him just because I said you saw him come to you, right? He's not a deadly bacteria, why do you treat him like this?" He glanced at me irritably, as if he didn't even bother to say a word. "Gu Fuli disappeared. He called me the hotline at night. He was in a very bad condition, desperate and crazy. It's almost two o'clock in the morning. No one knows where he went!!" Xuan Lingxiao was also a little surprised. He looked at the watch on the wall, impatiently took out his mobile phone, and quickly dialed the number. He put the mobile phone to my ear: Sorry, the number you dialed is temporarily unavailable. He dialed several times in a row, and it was always like this. Gradually, his face became serious: "Where can he go?" Xuan Lingxiao called all the people he thought might be connected with Gu Fuli, and all the answers disappointed us. He stomped his feet resentfully, and said: "Damn it, didn't you just scold him a few words and tell him not to bother me anymore, what is he doing?!" The next morning, we finally found Gu Fuli. He was dead, and an old man who was driving the sea found him. He died by suicide, and his suicide note was in the text message draft box on his mobile phone: life is meaningless.No one questioned his suicide, and all the security guards in the apartment witnessed him talking nervously yesterday afternoon. The forensic doctor who arrived preliminarily concluded that he had drowned. I stood on the beach and watched people pull him up from the sea from a distance. His fingers and face were wrinkled by the sea water, and they were pale and pale in the morning sun. The rest of the anger disappeared, like a child who didn't know where he was wrong but was scolded. I slowly squatted down, covered my face, and cried. If it wasn't for me, maybe he was still alive and healthy. Although he was a little gloomy, he was still alive at least. Ding Zhaoyang supported my shoulder and said, "Honey, this has nothing to do with you at all. It may be a relief for him." I called Xuan Lingxiao, he listened to me silently, said nothing, sighed, and hung up the line. Ding Chaoyang accompanied me at home all morning before going to the company. When entering and leaving the apartment, all the people who entered and exited the elevator were talking about the death of Gu Fuli. He became a news figure all of a sudden, and everyone recalled his good things and forgave his bad things, but what's the use of these?Sighing and sighing are temporary, and soon, people will forget his past and the sensational news he created, just like forgetting an autumn leaf. In the afternoon, the director of the radio station called me and said that the live broadcast last night was a bit chaotic, and some listeners called to criticize the call, reminding me to brew some emotions today, and I said okay.He heard the listlessness in my voice and asked if I was sick. I said no.Added: "You remember that crazy gay man last night? He died, committed suicide, after calling us." The director murmured that this is so, and said: "How do you know he is gay?" "He's our apartment security guard, I know him." ... "I think that although he is a bit out of control, he is not like someone who can commit suicide immediately. We have received many hotlines from people with suicidal tendencies before. Most people who want to commit suicide are not crazy, but rather world-weary. The mood is gray and paranoid, and his yelling is enough to show that he feels that the world is unfair, and even wants to correct the injustice of the world. A person who is becoming paranoid and crazy is unlikely to immediately use suicide as a negative way Express protest that maybe his death was an accident." 我觉得脑子有点转不太过弯：“是啊，我也没想到。” “还有，昨晚，是我中断了他的通话直播，开始，只是觉得他情绪有点失控，通话声音也不是很清楚了，我正犹豫是不是等他通话质量清晰了再把信号传给你，可接下来，他竟然在电话里骂人了，骂什么不要脸的卑劣女人，我就果断掐断了他的电话。” 导播又和我杂七杂八地说了一会，大多是安慰话。 我谢了他。泡了杯茶，闭目养神。 傍晚，丁朝阳打过电话让我不必做菜了，他带外卖回来。 他带了披萨和墨西哥菜，边往桌上摆边说：“辣能提神。” 我笑了一下，抱了抱他，其实我没胃口，一整天，满脑子都是古福利被海水泡皱了的惨白的脸和手。 饭后，丁朝阳和我一起收拾饭桌，他依在厨房门口，看我洗杯子，很专注，过了一会，声音很小，却带着提醒地说：“小豌豆，别和乱七八糟的人交往，我会担心你的。” 我看了他一眼：“你指谁？” “比如同性恋，也不要天真地认为做朋友是需要缘分的，有些貌似机缘巧合的认识，也许是些蓄谋呢。”他很小心地看着我，他了解我，所以，说话时，很小心，唯恐引起我的逆反心理，一副因爱我而好意提醒的样子。 我把杯子挂好，笑了笑：“知道了，我又不是三岁小孩。” 我没让丁朝阳送我去电台，叫了出租车，一路上，我在想，最后时刻，古福利为什么要骂我？我并没有伤害他，除了我试探性地对宣凌霄说了那句话给他引来了一场痛苦的斥责之外。 或许，他身边突然出现了另外一个人？他说曾为了宣凌霄而冒险强奸究竟是怎么回事？ 恍然间，我的面前，似乎有道大幕，被一下子拽开了，古福利曾隐晦地向我提起，许芝兰曾因叫外卖而遭到了人身侵犯，而且，在他的理解里，这有可能是导致丁朝阳和她感情不合的因素之一…… 这个大胆的推测吓坏了我，头，开始剧烈地疼。 到了电台，我和导播说实在找不到状态，能不能找人替一下今晚的节目，导播急了：“都几点了？你让我去哪里抓人顶替你？要不这样，让上一时段的主持人别走，陪你一起上节目，你状态不好时，她马上顶上。” 事已至此，只能这样。 那天的节目，虽然有点散，却还能说得过去。 从电台出来，本想直奔西南园酒吧，我有太多的疑惑要和宣凌霄探讨，可，一出广电大厦，就见丁朝阳的车子停在那里，好像等了很久了。 知道我要提出去酒吧找宣凌霄肯定会引起一场争吵，索性放弃计划，上车，满脸疲惫，回家，洗刷完睡觉。 次日上午，我直奔西南园酒吧，画了橘红色巨大西南园的门沉默地关着，我到街对面的茶座叫了一壶茶，慢慢地等。 快到中午时，看见宣凌霄开着他高大威猛的墨绿三菱吉普来了，泊好车，他看了一眼天空，就匆匆开了门。 我埋了单，没急着赶过去，我懂些心理学，在刚到达工作岗位后，人通常会先收拾一下场面开始新的一天，这时出现的人，通常不受欢迎。 半个小时后，我站在了宣凌霄面前，他抬眼看着我，面无表情。 我说：“对不起，我知道你不欢迎我。” 他用鼻子笑了一下：“挺明白的嘛。” “但，我还是不知趣地来了，因为我猜测，古福利不是死于自杀。”我望着他，不动生色地。