Chapter 15 Chapter fifteen

Lacey came home.Standing at the entrance, she looked at the living room with new eyes—and she saw many things she didn't like. Aaron's untouchable antique furniture is so gaudy!He turned a place that should be a comfortable family reunion into a place that can only be viewed but not used. "Just put it there," she told the taxi driver who took her suitcase and shopping bags to the entrance.He was the same man who drove her to the airport and flirted with her.She was a little flattered then, but now she thinks it was just him trying to get a little extra tip.Strangely, though, on the trip back, he looked at Lacey like he was genuinely interested in her.And she could understand why.Only a few days ago she was a girl again, with a girlish body, and she remembered what it felt like to be desired.

She has been punishing herself all these years for the wrong things she did to the man she loved?Or is it because she's a born loser that she backs off every time there's an argument? Whatever was at the heart of the matter, now, as she walked through the door, she knew something had changed inside her. "Thank you," she told the driver, handing him a ten-dollar bill. "Thank you." He said, throwing her a look that made it clear that he was willing to keep in touch with her. "Hi, Mom," Becca came downstairs, walking past the suitcases and bags at Lacey's feet. "You forgot to wash my yellow sweater before you left, forcing me to take it to the laundry. Dad will go crazy when he sees the cost." With that, she left her mother and went straight to the kitchen.

Lacey stared at her daughter's back.Before going to Maine, she must be thinking about her daughter, she can do her own laundry.Now Lacey doesn't feel the need to teach her daughter such a lesson. Aaron came in from the garden.He wore pressed trousers and a starched shirt and barely glanced at his wife. "I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow," he said, flipping through the mail on the kitchen table. "Did you girls fight?" He asked, laughing twice at the self-made joke. He picked up the two letters, absently pressed a kiss on Lacey's cheek as he passed, and was about to go upstairs, still not really looking her in the eye. "In about an hour, I'm going out," he said. "Bambi and I are going to see a client." At the top of the stairs, he turned into their bedroom.

The next minute, Zhuo Ming came downstairs. "Hi, Mom," he said. "Glad you're back." Hearing this, Laixi smiled slightly, but then Zhuo Ming said that he was hungry. "What about dinner?" he asked, walking out the front door. Lacey stood still for a while.How long had her home been like this?she wondered.When did they become a bunch of strangers living together, each thinking only of their own needs and no one else? Becca would be there, she thought, as she went into the kitchen, but there was no one there. "I don't like this kitchen," she said aloud.It cost a fortune to furnish it, but she still didn't like it.

She went to the sink and filled a pot of water and put it on the stove to boil. Isn't that what I do?she thinks.Wasn't that what I did the last time I was in this house? The water boiled and she made herself a cup of tea, then she stood at the window looking at the summer house in the backyard.Looking, looking, she thought of Fang Meizhen's summer house.Then Lacey remembered what she had learned in the past few days. She put down her half-drunk teacup, walked back to the entrance, picked up six heavy shopping bags and went out to the summer house.On the way back from the airport, she stopped at an art supply store, went in, and bought nearly everything on the shelf.

Outside the summer house, she puts shopping bags on the grass; then she opens the door and enters the once lovely little house.She surveyed the interior of the house with the eyes of a builder.Most breakage is due to lack of care and can be easily repaired.There was a hole in the roof and water damage to one of the walls.She can fix all these. No, she corrects herself, and she can ask someone to fix these things. She looked at the equipment in the room again, and there were not many of her things left.The old sports equipment used by Zhuo Ming is also piled up in the summer house.Becca left cardboard boxes full of clothes and books in front of the French doors, blocking access to the beautiful rose garden that was once Lacie's private property.

For a moment Lacey wanted to close the door, out of sight.How could she solve this mess by herself?How could she convince her family to clean it up to the point where she could use it? But then she remembered the girl who had looked back at her in the mirror, the girl who wasn't afraid of anyone or anything. Lacey stood there holding the doorknob of the summer house, and she knew that this moment was the turning point of her life.What she does now will determine her life for the rest of her life.She had a second chance, and she chose this life, these people, because she loved them.But she also learned that she had to love herself.

Let's be honest Lacey doesn't know what will happen to her next month.For a long time she thought her husband would leave her to marry another woman.If he really wanted a divorce, what would Lacie do?More scared than in years past?And what does it mean for her future if she takes over the summer house? "It doesn't matter at all!" she exclaimed, looking again at the summer house.This time she seemed to see herself in this old house.She was once beautiful and flawless, like this little house.But for several years her life was occupied by her family, just as they occupied this house.They pushed her to the ground and stuffed her mind with scrap.

Lacey smiled slightly, and opened the two doors of the summer house. Then she picked up the TV and unplugged the wall plug.Still smiling, she carried the TV across the threshold: then with all her might she threw the TV out.The TV flew two feet in the air, hit the stone parapet that Aaron had built two years earlier, and then rolled down the slope toward the barbecue pit. Lacey thought the sound was the most satisfying sound she had ever heard in her life as the TV crashed into Aaron's oversized brick barbecue, shattering the screen's glass.Her spirit was also shaken. She walked back to the summer house again and began dragging the rest of the trash out of the house.Zhuo Ming's roller skates rolled down the earth wall in the footsteps of Aaron's TV; then Lacey straightened her sink cabinet and closed the door.One of the doors was nearly loose on its hinges, but she knew how to fix it.Next to be thrown out the door were Becca's old clothes and things that had only kept mice for years.

As the old stuff was thrown out piece by piece, Lacey seemed to be getting stronger...er, more and more herself. "Let me tell!" she heard Becca cry. "She's gone crazy!" Lacey was holding a broken rabbit cage that the two children had thrown into the summer house.Throwing it away, the cage-free flew to the mountain of garbage that was gradually piled up in front of Aaron's precious barbecue stove. Looking up, she saw three people running towards her.Bei Jia was furious, Aaron was full of concern, and Zhuo Ming seemed to be watching the fun. Without saying hello, she walked back to the summer house again to grab two packs of ten-year-old rabbit feed. "That might work," Becca had replied years ago when Lacey had asked Becca to throw them away.As long as it belonged to Becca, she would keep everything, and would not throw anything away.

"Lacy, sweetheart. Are you okay?" Aaron asked from the door.His tone was that of a particularly difficult client. "I'm fine," she said, smiling at him as she picked up a box of ruined Christmas ornaments.Aaron had vowed that he would find time to fix them. "Sorry," she said, and walked around him, throwing the whole box up the hill. "Can you stop for a second?" he asked as she turned back into the house again. "No. I'm going to clean up this place, I'm going to set up my studio here." "Studio?" There was a hint of a smile in his voice. "Honey, I know you're having a hard time turning forty, but I think you're probably a little too old to be dancing again now." Lacey didn't answer, just picked up a box full of old electronic gadgets.Arriving at the door, Aaron put his hand on the box, but her expression made him pull his hand away again and stand aside.But just as she was about to lift the box, Aaron nodded to Zhuo Ming, and he took the box from his mother. "Thank you," Lacey said, entering the house again. Aaron stepped into the summer house. "Lacy, sweetheart, if you want to tidy up this old house, you can just ask. We can all help, and work as a family. And we can do it more efficiently without throwing everything at the barbecue stove .Did you see that the stove was smashed by you?" "Crash?" she asked softly, picking up a cardboard box containing old receipts. "Did I crash your rotisserie?" "Exactly," Aaron's tone was stern, and he misinterpreted her rhetorical question as that she cared. "I have to get someone to fix it." Lacey walked to the door, eyes on Aaron, and the receipt box was thrown out violently.The sky full of papers flew over the lawn and fell between the branches of the bushes, but Lacey didn't even look at it, and went straight back into the house, feeling her anger rising sharply.She glanced back at Aaron. "I broke your stove? So what if you ruined my summer house?" "Your summer house?" Aaron said in surprise. "I thought this was our summer house?" "No, Aaron," she said slowly. "This summer house is mine and always has been mine. Everything else in our lives seems to belong to you, but this summer house is mine." Aaron motioned Beja and Zhuo Ming to pick up the scattered papers, then he stepped into the room and closed the door. "Lacey, sweetheart, I know it's tough on a woman forty, but—" "Being forty has nothing to do with it!" she half cried. "What's the matter with you men? We were angry when we were young, you said we had irregular periods. Now what are you going to say? I'm in 'menopause'?" "I didn't say that. Could you please pause?" After so many years of marriage, whenever Aaron yells at her, Lacey promises to back down.But now she was going to fight back and confront him. "What's the matter, Aaron? I lost my temper a little and got in the way of your date with Bambi?" "Bambi? What has she to do with this?" "It's a big deal, but you can also say it's okay." Lacey replied, trying to calm her emotions.She didn't know that she had accumulated so much anger. "I don't understand you at all," Aaron said, and she could see he was angry too. In the past few days, she has made a decision not to build her happiness on any man.Both Ellie and Meigi have successful careers of their own, but she doesn't.Those two women had enough of themselves that they could afford to have an extra man in their life.But all Lacey had was a man.During the week she spent with Haiwei and his family, she realized that if she chose to live with Fang Haiwei, she would be like herself in twenty years.She would be so absorbed in his life that she would leave no room for her own.That girl who was so brave and fearless in her youth will be lost again. "You don't understand," Lacey said, much calmer this time. "Aaron, I can't live like this anymore. I gave my whole life to you and the kids, and now they're going to be adults, and I want to do something for myself." "And you're going to use this place for it?" he asked, still looking at her as if she'd lost his mind. "Just say it, don't use—" "No!" she cried. "It's useless for me to say it, because you can't see me." "Nonsense. Of course I saw you, you're standing here." She walked over to him. "No, you don't see me. You see a woman who cooks and washes for you, finds socks for you, arranges parties for you. But you don't see that I am a separate person from you." He squinted at her. "You went to Maine and spent the weekend talking to those two women about women's liberation, didn't you?" "I want a divorce," she said, and looked at him in shock.How did those two words come out?How could she have such an idea? Aaron didn't speak, just stared at her in disbelief. Lacey spoke again, but she calmed down. "I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry for dumping you, but I should have atoned for that sin years ago. I've tried to make it up to you all these years, but I can't take this humiliation anymore Yes. If you want her, I will give it to you." "Who do I want?" Aaron asked quietly, and she could tell that for the first time in years, she had his undivided attention. "Bambi!" Lacey said the name viciously. "Bambi?" Aaron repeated. "You think I'm interested in her?" "The whole town knows about the two of you—" She cuts off because Aaron smiles—and then laughs. "Me and Bambi? That's what you're up to? That's why you've been so cold to me for the last few months? That's why you run away every time I approach?" She wanted to justify herself, but she was self-aware, and she was indeed cold to him.Every time he reached out to touch her, she wondered, how long ago had he touched her? Aaron sat down on the sofa, dust flying around him.Unmoved, he just looked at Lacey. "I thought maybe you had another man." "Me?" she said incredulously. "I'm middle-aged—" "You're as beautiful as when I married you," Aaron said. "And I hired Bambi to make you jealous. Did it work?" It took a while for Lacey to understand what he said. "Make me jealous?" "There is always something in your heart that I can't understand. You have always been so independent. Other wives would ask their husbands to deal with a mouse running in the house, but my wife would not. I Lacey can handle anything. Look at this place, you fixed it. You know when I see you with a chainsaw and I can't even tell the screw heads, I'm How does it feel? I've been trying to get you to need me all these years, but I can't. There's nothing in the world that you can't do and do it perfectly." Even if she had to think about it for a thousand years, she would never have imagined that these were Aaron's problems.She sat down on the sofa next to him, and waited for the dust to settle before speaking. "Aren't you angry that I dumped you and fled to New York a few days before the wedding?" "How. I mean, I was angry, but..." He turned to her. "That makes you more valuable to me. If you didn't come back, I should be angry, maybe for a lifetime, but you came back. And all these years, I have been secretly proud of having a wife who used to dance in New York." "I can't be a professional dancer, that's why I'm coming back." Aaron took her hand. "There's nothing you can't do in life. If you think you're not as good as the other dancers, it's because you miss me so much that you fail on purpose so you can come home to me." Lacey knew there was some level of truth in his words, too.Mei Thui was so homesick that she went back to seek refuge with a villain she knew well.Is it the same for her?She also found an excuse to go home? After leaving Haiwei's house, she went back to school to continue dancing.Involuntarily, she would wonder to herself, if she wasn't a good dancer, how good were the girls who worked in dance in New York? "Aaron," she looked him in the eye. "I can draw pictures." "You can do anything." "No, I mean really, drawings on paper. I'm actually pretty good at capturing people. I paint in watercolors, though I intend to explore other materials." He didn't seem to understand what she was saying. "You still want to...you know?" "Do you want to?" "Me?" he asked in shock. "I never wanted a divorce, I just wanted you back." That was how Lacey felt, too, as if she had been missing for a long time. Aaron pulled her into his arms and she wept. "I miss you so much," he said. "I love you too." Yes, she remembered.When they first met in first grade, he told her he would love her "forever."At that time, she just stood by the swing, staring at the boy she had never seen before, unable to say a word. The thought of the past made her cry louder, and he held her tighter; then he kissed her neck and unbuttoned her blouse with both hands.When Zhuo Ming opened the door, Aaron called him loudly to go away. Later, after their affectionate exchange, Lacey said, "Aaron, fire Bambi." "Yes," he said, and he kissed her neck again.