Chapter 5 chapter Five

Xinsheng, as early as one day twenty-two years ago, I have already visited the apartment you are living in now. However, at that time, how could I have thought that time passed, and after a long goodbye, I would come back to be the hostess of this apartment, and happily listen to your sleeping breath in countless sleepless midnights. What an unattainable fantasy was this once? Everything that day was vivid. I was dragged out by Xia Xia, jumped into a taxi, and the car arrived at your residence at No. 7 Bellu Road. I got out of the car and looked up. It was a gray and white cement house with a height of six floors. It was quite old, perhaps older than the combined ages of Xiaxia and me.

We climbed the few steps of the gate and entered the stair hall. The wide staircase was paved with gray terrazzo, and the handrail was the same, cold to the touch. At that time, I didn't know how many nights I sat alone on these cold stairs waiting for you to come back. "I really don't understand why he lives here! There's not even an elevator!" Xia Xia muttered as she walked. We finally climbed to the fourth floor. "Here we are!" she said, panting. "Next time, I will only come up if I want him to hug me!" I rang the doorbell, and your old servant came to open the door and called out respectfully:

"Miss Xia!" She let us into the house and told us you haven't come back yet. "We'll wait for him!" Xia Xia said. As soon as I entered the house, I stayed. I have never seen such a beautiful house. Although I know that you are an architect, I always think with a prejudice that an architect who will pursue Xia Xia will not be very connotative. But I was wrong. The wooden floor of the room has a high ceiling and plain walls. An off-white couch is placed in the center of the large living room, and an armchair with a very low base is placed next to it. This is your favorite chair and it has been with you for many years.Are you sitting on it and reading my letter now?

That day, the first thing that caught my attention was the colorful oil painting on the wall of the living room. In the painting, a young woman with sexy red lips and golden-red hair, wearing colorful dance clothes and black stockings , resting his chin in his hand, staring lively into the distance.She was surrounded by a kaleidoscope of colors. I stopped in front of the painting and looked at the woman in the painting.The woman in the painting seemed to be looking at me too, and the colorful colors in the painting seemed to vibrate around my eyes. "I asked him why he painted women like spots of color!" Xia Xia popped up beside me and said.

"Is this painting drawn by him?" I was taken aback. "Well! I asked him who the woman in the painting was, and if it was his old lover. Guess how he answered?" "Was it his old lover then?" "He says it's not any woman, and it's any woman!" I laughed. That day, I only thought this painting was beautiful, but I didn't expect you to be able to paint well, so I fell in love with you unexpectedly. It wasn't until later days, when I was tormented by missing you and came back to the old place, and saw this painting again, that I realized that I had never understood you.

The woman in the painting is exactly as you said, neither any woman nor any woman. Your day is a patchwork of all women. They are all young, beautiful, lively and happy, embellishing your life like color blocks in a kaleidoscope. Don't look back at the past, just love the joy in front of you, chasing the brilliant youth and glitz, resting your chin on your hands, lazily laughing at other people's lifelong commitment and affection, no sorrow, no sadness, no concern, only the eyes of playing in the world . If I had known earlier, I would not have been foolish enough to think that my innocent tears would move you that night afterwards.

Like you, like the girl in your picture, I will show you how much I despise love. In this way, I may have you. But young people always make mistakes, right? Besides, I was only seventeen at the time. When Xia Xia was drinking tea by the window, I moved to the row of bookcases in the living room that occupied a wall from bottom to top. You have many, many books, I am curious to see which books you read, there are architecture, art, literature, and many others, which I have not read. I have loved books since I was a child, and suddenly I saw so many books, I was full of admiration, touching this one, and touching that one. At this time, I thought hard in my heart: Who are you?So knowledgeable and talented, yet she likes a girl like Xia Xia, who hardly reads.

At that moment, my pride and jealousy told me that everything here, that picture, all the books, the classical music on the record rack and the shiny black piano in the corner of the living room, are all just for you to pretend , Coax girls. I want to confirm my idea.So, Xia Xia urged me to drink tea several times, but I ignored her. I'm too busy spying on you. I pull out the books on the shelf one by one to see if they are for decoration, you haven't even looked at them. But, again, I was wrong. Every book I pick up has traces of turning over, and some of them, even after you have read them many times, have curled corners.

If all this belonged to a boy with an ugly appearance and a pair of myopia glasses, I might understand it. However, Xia Xia has always said that you are handsome. "Why hasn't he come back?" Xia Xia yelled over there. I have left the bookshelf and peered into your bedroom through the half-closed door. I saw a corner of a bed covered with off-white sheets, and a pair of black slippers beside the bed, your slippers. I peeped into your study again. There are more books in it, and a wooden table used for drawing is full of volumes of drawings. I suddenly understood that on the Friday night when Xiaxia called you for the first time, you said you were busy, and you didn't mean to tease her. You are a very dedicated person.

"He's back!" Xia Xia said suddenly. My heart trembled, and I turned my head to look over. I didn't see you. What I saw was her back. At this time, she had already stood up from the chair by the window and looked out the window, as if she saw someone. I walked over and squeezed beside her.Wanted to see you, but didn't see it. You have entered the lobby of the apartment. I missed you. Xia Xia turned her head, smiled proudly at me a few times, and said: "Hey, I'm the only one who saw it!" That was just a childish remark, however, in later memories, that remark has always been sour.

So, in the past two years, I always love to stand in front of this window, waiting for you to come home. When I see you back, I will foolishly say to myself: "Hey, I'm the only one who saw it!" Do it as if it were a small but sweet victory. After Xia Xia said that, she quickly hid behind the gate and winked at me. She wants to surprise you when you come into the house. She motioned for me to go over, but I just stood nervously by the window. At this time, the door opened from the outside. I finally see you. Xia Xia was blocked behind the door.You didn't see her. All you see is me. You stared at me in surprise, as if you were thinking in your heart: "Who is this girl? Why is she here?" At that moment, although it was only a short moment, the whole world was just me and you.