Chapter 25 6. Because I don’t love you enough

I finally broke free from Zhang Yu, rushed out of the hall, and came to the garage crying so hard! Zhang Yu hugged me tightly and said, "Cry, it will make you feel better after crying!" Is it really comfortable after crying?Why is my heart full of despair of losing everything? After returning home, I made dumplings made of pork and scallions for my mother and sent them to the hospital. As soon as she saw my appearance, my mother asked distressedly: "Why are your eyes swollen like this?" I pointed at the dumplings, "The scallions are hot, they choke when you cut them."

"You can buy a few, and I don't eat much." My mother complained to me. While talking with my mother, Zhang Cheng came and said, "I'm sorry, I just heard that my aunt is sick, let me come and see!" "Thank you monitor!" I said. Zhang Cheng wanted to say something to me, but he was speechless and held back for a long time before he said: "There is a tea bar nearby, shall we have a cup of tea?" "Wait a minute, I have to ask my mother for leave!" The business in the tea bar is sluggish, and there are basically no people. Zhang Cheng said: "Xiao Yuan and Wu Yue are engaged."

"I know, I went to the ceremony." "You?" Zhang Cheng looked at me in disbelief. "This ceremony puts an end to my relationship with Xiao Yuan." "But I didn't see you." "Because I'll be out soon..." "Coke, since it's all over, you should be strong and face it bravely!" Yes, I have faced it bravely, but I am not strong enough, and I have injured myself all over. "Actually, actually..." The squad leader hesitated for a long time before finishing his words. "Actually what?" "Actually, I've always liked you," he said.

The real estate company informed me that my house was sold, and the other party was willing to pay double the price, hoping to transfer the ownership as soon as possible. It seems that God still favors me. When the house was closed, I didn't meet the buyer, only his lawyer.The lawyer was very polite and asked me to sign a lot of documents. After signing, he told me, "Or, if you regret it someday, you can contact me again!" I won't regret it, for my mother, a house is nothing! After getting the money to sell the house, I called Zhang Yu, and he picked up the phone as soon as it rang, "Today the sun is coming out of the west!"

I held the phone and didn't know what to say. After a long silence, I said, "Zhang Yu, let me treat you to dinner!" "It's time to treat me to a meal!" He didn't refuse. The location was chosen by him, in a very remote mountain villa. "When you're done eating, you're left to wash the dishes if you don't pay!" he said. "People won't agree, because I can't wash it clean!" I am clumsy, and I will hinder people's business! Eating here is very interesting. You have to catch fish, catch chickens and ducks, and even pick vegetables yourself. It’s very DIY!

Zhang Yu and I fished a big rainbow trout. I said to eat it roasted, but he said to eat it raw. I said: "Today I treat guests, I have the final say! Roast half, eat half raw!" Zhang Yu rolled up his sleeves and sliced ​​fish fillets, skillfully. I watched from the side, amazed, "You can actually slice fish fillets?" The waiter next to him said: "This fish fillet is better than our chef's cut, it is thin and even!" Zhang Yu smiled, "You're lucky today, I don't usually do it myself!" Sitting on the ground, eating grilled fish and sashimi, and ordered a few side dishes, facing the Mongolian king, Zhang Yu and I were facing each other, and you drank one cup after another.

I said loudly to Zhang Yu: "Thank you for bringing me to such a good place!" Zhang Yu looked at me and smiled, and said, "Don't mention those two words to me, vulgar!" "What's not good? You tell me!" "This way!" Before I could figure out what was going on, he hugged me, and covered my lips with burning lips. I was so hot that I wanted to push him but couldn't. I could only bite his tongue hard, and he let me go when it hurt. I said: "Zhang Yu, you made a mistake, I am Tian Kele!" He patted his forehead, "Oh, Tian Kele! Coke, come on, cheers!"

Zhang Yu and I ate more than four catties of rainbow trout and drank two and a half bottles of 56-degree Mongolian King, and we both died. I still remember when I was lying on the carpet of the yurt singing Li Bihua's "Break Up" when I was not asleep, "If breaking up is so easy, there will always be people coming and going, why should I cry and be sad, and marriage is destined, get together and part Everyone has their own reasons, sooner or later they should give up..." Weeping while singing. Zhang Yu patted my hand and said, "Stop singing, your broken voice is annoying me!"

"I have a very good voice. When I was in college, I won the championship of the whole school karaoke competition. Xiao Yuan..." I wanted to say, Xiao Yuan said that I have the most moving voice in the world, but the word Xiao Yuan was stuck. In the throat, the words behind cannot be said. Zhang Yu said: "When I was studying abroad, I also won the championship of the karaoke competition, but the songs I sang were in English." "Then you sing, I'll take a break!" I felt like I had drifted far away in the clouds and mist, and I was very afraid that I would never come back again.

Zhang Yu was humming music that I had never heard before. His voice was deep and elegant, like a cello solo.Listen, listen, I'm confused! When I woke up, it was dark outside. Zhang Yu looked at me and smiled, "Why do you drool when you sleep?" "I dreamed of delicious food, but I couldn't eat it, so of course I could only drool!" I told him angrily.You said that this person is fine, why mention other people's embarrassment. Zhang Yu couldn't drive after drinking, so the villa asked someone to take us back to the city. I didn't speak along the way, Zhang Yu was like a child who had done something wrong, and asked me in a low voice with his mouth puckered: "Are you angry?"

I said, "Don't pretend to be pitiful in front of me, a meal cost me 1,800 yuan!" But he smiled and said, "So that's why?" "Why else? Of course, after this time, I will never drink with you again! Every time you get me drunk and make me look ugly!" "It's you who feeds yourself, okay?" "Then you should stop it too, don't let me drink too much!" "Okay, I'll try next time!" I went home and took a shower before I dared to go to the hospital to see my mother, but she still smelled alcohol, "Ke Ke, where have you been? There is such a strong smell of alcohol!" "Entertainment, entertainment!" I laughed along, "You don't know that I'm an official now, and I have a lot of things to do." I winked at her. My mother was very happy when she found out that I was going to be the deputy director of the personnel department of the bureau, "Being an official is a good thing, but don't drink when you are socializing, you are a girl who is easy to suffer!" "I just don't let others suffer. Don't worry." I peeled an apple and handed it to my mother. Her hands were trembling all the time, as if she couldn't hold it. "Mom, what's wrong with you? Your arm hurts?" She struggled to pinch the apple, "Half of my shoulder is numb!" "I'll rub it for you." I gently held her shoulders, remembering what the doctor said, "The situation has gotten worse, the tumor has spread to the lymph." "Is there hope for surgery?" "There is not much hope. Even if this malignant tumor is discovered in the early stage and undergoes surgery immediately, it cannot guarantee a complete cure. Moreover, the patient is already at an advanced stage when the tumor is discovered. Even if surgery is performed, it is only a psychological comfort and will increase the patient's life expectancy. pain." I stood there in despair, more helpless than ever. My mother stroked my hand and said, "What do you think?" "Oh, think about what's for dinner!" "Why do you always want to eat, kid?" "What else can you think of?" My mother smiled, "Did you have a fight with Xiao Yuan? Why haven't I seen anyone for a long time?" "No, he's working in the project team now, he's very busy! When he's not busy, I'll let him come to see you." I coaxed my mother, not wanting her to know that I broke up with Xiao Yuan, so she would think I was hurt and worried for me. "I knew that Auntie would miss me." As soon as I finished speaking, I heard Xiao Yuan's voice, and turned my head to see him standing at the door of the ward. "Xiao Yuan!" I looked at him in surprise. Xiao Yuan walked in with a fruit basket, "I was too busy a while ago, so I didn't come to see Auntie, I hope you forgive me!" My mother looked at him happily, "Just come!" "Xiao Yuan, now that Ke Ke has become the deputy director, your family won't object to you being with her, right?" My mother asked. Xiao Yuan nodded, "I don't object, I didn't object a long time ago!" "Ke Ke is sometimes too capricious and careless. You have to take care of her more and take good care of her, even if auntie asks you." My mother took Xiao Yuan's hand. "Mom, what are you talking about?" I rushed to my mother. Xiao Yuan put his arms around my shoulders and said, "Auntie, don't worry, I will love her forever!" My mother smiled, closed her eyes, and said, "Go out for a walk, I'm tired, take a rest!" It's March in Yangchun outside, and the night wind is slightly cool, which is the season of chilly spring. "Xiao Yuan, thank you for visiting my mother." After a long time, he said, "Is this the reason you broke up?" "Is it important to be or not to be?" I asked. "It's very important to me!" I've never seen Xiao Yuan with such a depressed expression, as if he fell into a huge abyss, beyond redemption. My mother's condition was getting worse and worse. After two months in the hospital, she couldn't eat anything and could only rely on liquid food to maintain her strength. She couldn't get out of bed because of the pain all over her body.Looking at the ventilator on the bedside, I can't imagine what it will be like on the day of parting. She will stop breathing and will never be able to talk to me again. I am the only one left to live alone in this world. Relatives and friends also heard the news that my mother was hospitalized one after another, and they all came to visit.The more people came, the more exhausted my mother was, and the less energetic she became, so I told everyone directly: "Don't disturb her, let her spend the last time of her life quietly!" The eldest aunt in Tangshan hugged me and cried, "My child, why is your mother so miserable? You are too careless, and you can only be filial to her. How did you get this disease? It's because God doesn't have eyes!" She cried, It caused people in the surrounding wards to come out to watch, thinking that they were filming sketches on the spot. I had to comfort her, "Auntie, don't cry, let my mother hear it, she will be sad again!" The eldest aunt wiped her tears and said, "Don't cry, it's useless to cry, isn't it, let us old sisters talk for a while!" For several days in a row, my mother's condition was not good. The hospital issued a critical illness notice three times in a row, and my psychological defense also collapsed.I don't eat or sleep with her, I only know to smile numbly in front of her. At night, sitting on the stone bench in the small garden of the hospital, looking at the lights of thousands of houses in the distance, I couldn't help but think that the terrible illness would take my mother's life and take her to suffer in another world, leaving me alone. Living alone in this world, what is the meaning of such a life to me? Zhang Yu often comes to the hospital recently, sometimes sitting quietly in my mother's ward, and sometimes chatting with the doctors and nurses in the hospital.Many people know him, and there are people who talk to him wherever he goes. "Knew you'd be here!" He sat down next to me, oblivious to the dust on his expensive trousers. "Don't talk to me!" I was in a bad mood and wanted to cry all the time. Zhang Yu said with a cold face: "You think I'm willing to talk to you!" "Then stay away from me!" I didn't want him to see my cowardice, it would be embarrassing. "Why should I stay away from you? You don't care where I want to sit!" I hugged my knees tightly, buried my head in it, and cried for a long time, until I felt sick and my stomach was rolling.Fortunately, I didn't eat at night, or I would have to spit it all out. Seeing me stop to catch my breath, Zhang Yu lamented and said, "Why do you cry so much?" Seeing his pitiful expression, my heart ached and I choked up and said: "Zhang Yu, you know I hate two kinds of people the most. The first is the one who always says that others love to cry, and the second is the one who likes to cry. Nosy people, the third type is..." Zhang Yu tapped the stone bench next to him rhythmically with his fingers, exhaled, and said, "Come on, I hate people who don't know how to count..." "Who doesn't know how to count?" I retorted. Zhang Yu shook his head helplessly, "I don't even know what happened to your third type of person, and you hate two types of people the most!" When he said this, I realized that there was something wrong with my logic. I don't hate Zhang Yu, but I hate myself now. "Okay, don't cry, let your mother worry too! The day before yesterday she was talking to me, she was most concerned about you, how can you be worthy of her old man's painstaking efforts when you are always crying like this." Zhang Yu scolded me . "What did my mother tell you?" "Say that if your life is not good, she will die with peace!" Zhang Yu said earnestly. My heart trembled, and I couldn't help but wanted to cry again, but this time I suppressed it and didn't cry. I saw Professor Tian Weinian in the hospital, and I felt very accidental. He greeted me at the entrance of the inpatient department, "Coke, I heard that you were transferred from the project team and went to be the deputy director of the personnel department." It seems that he only knows one thing, but not the other. "It's just a change of job, and the nature is the same." I have no humility, just telling the truth. The old professor nodded, "I know you won't take these too seriously." Paying more attention is just adding trouble, I'm not that stupid yet. "Professor, why are you here?" I asked politely. "Oh..." He said hesitantly, "Come here to inquire about a friend?" Since he didn't want to say more, I smiled and said goodbye to him. "Goodbye!" He looked at me a little strangely, with a clarity that pierced through confusion. I went a long way, but he was still standing there. Suddenly, he called me: "Coke, call me if you have any difficulties!" This man was so warm and friendly. Xiao Yuan visited my mother again, but unfortunately I was not there at noon that day, but was met by Yuanyuan.She excitedly told me: "No wonder you let such a good guy like Zhang Yu go, so you really found a good boyfriend. Your Xiao Yuan can score 90 points!" Even if Xiao Yuan can score 100 points, he is no longer mine. I didn't tell Yuanyuan about my affairs with Xiao Yuan, and I wasn't in the mood.My mother's current situation is not optimistic. Since the day before yesterday, she has been vomiting blood. The doctor said that her cancer cells have spread to the whole body. The night my mom left, I talked to her all night long. I also don't know why I'm going on and on about everything from my kindergarten jokes to my post-college recklessness.Seeing the warm smile on my mother's face puts my mind at ease. In the early hours of the morning, my mother called me: "Coco, Coco!" The voice was very weak, but I heard it clearly, she said: "I'm leaving, don't be sad, or I won't feel at ease when I leave!" "Yeah!" I nodded emphatically! Watching her slowly close her eyes. I hugged her arm and cried, feeling that her hand gradually lost its warmth. I boiled several pots of boiling water and wiped my mother's body with a towel. She loves being clean the most. I can't let her have a trace of dust on her body. After doing this, it was already 3:30 in the morning, I called the doctor, told them my mother was gone, and then hurried back to the ward to be with her. About ten minutes later, I thought the doctor came, but it was Zhang Yu who came in. He took me into his arms and said, "Don't be afraid, you still have me!" I couldn't cry anymore, I just choked up. Zhang Yu stayed by my side until dawn. I have never experienced death before, this is the first time, it makes me heartbroken, and I want to die. When I said goodbye to my mother's body, I saw Xiao Yuan in the crowd, I saw Professor Tian Weinian, I saw my uncle's family, and I saw many uncles and aunts in my mother's original unit. I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for coming to say goodbye to my mom. Yuanyuan has been standing by my side, greeting guests with me.In the past few days, she not only helped with my mother's funeral, but also worried about me all the time, so tired.I said to her: "Yuanyuan, go and rest for a while, I can handle it by myself here!" Yuanyuan shook her head, "Boss Zhang told me to keep an eye on you. If there is no accident, my bonus will be deducted." "Zhang Yu was just teasing you." Yuanyuan has been fat since she was a child, and she hasn't lost weight in the past few years. She is more likely to get tired than normal people. I can't let her wear out her body. Yuanyuan put her arms around my shoulders understandingly, and said, "I know what you're worried about! It's okay, if I'm tired, I'll go back and rest." After paying homage to my mother, Xiao Yuan came to me, his sunken eyes filled with thousands of words. I said: "Thank you Xiao Yuan, if my mother knows that you are here to see her off, she will be happy!" Xiao Yuan held mine tightly and nodded, "Yes, she always thought I was her son-in-law!" "Xiao Yuan, stop talking!" I withdrew my hand to stop him, "My mother will be unhappy when she hears that I lied to her." Xiao Yuan stretched out his arms and hugged me, "But, you know, my heart will never change!" "No, Xiao Yuan!" I shook my head, "It's all over!" "Xiao Yuan, Coke, so you are here!" Zhang Cheng, who was wearing a black suit, looked a lot more stable. "Squad leader!" I pushed Xiao Yuan away and walked up to Zhang Cheng, "Why are you here?" "Zhang Yu asked me to come and greet the guests. I'm afraid you won't be able to do it alone." Zhang Yu went to Babaoshan early in the morning to help coordinate the cemetery. Before leaving, he asked me not to worry, someone would come to help. It is Zhang Cheng. "Then you stay with Xiao Yuan for a while, I'll go see other people." I found an excuse to walk away from Xiao Yuan. I saw Professor Tian Weinian in the corridor, and he nodded at me. "Why did you come?" As soon as the question came out, I suddenly realized that maybe I asked a very idiotic question. "Son, take care of yourself, you know?" He taught me earnestly. I looked at him and seemed to see myself in his face. "Professor Tian, ​​my mother said that she would not hate an irrelevant person!" Did he come here for such an answer? "Do you hate me, child?" I shook my head, "You said that my mother taught me well!" After finishing my mother's funeral, when I got home, I realized that I was alone in the future. The phone kept ringing, and I picked it up unconsciously, but it was a busy tone.The bell was still ringing, one overriding the other, it turned out to be the doorbell. I ran to open the door, imagining that my mother had come back.