Chapter 22 22. The Meaning of Suffering

When Zhang Xiaoman ran over, I saw Zuo Yan flicked his bangs, his mouth should have whistled, but no sound came out. "Why haven't you come back yet?" Panting, she bent down and put her hands on her knees, "Ms. Song is in a hurry, it's almost time for us to play." Seeing Zuo Yan, who was obviously not a good person, she was taken aback, but still nodded politely.Zuo Yan freely put on the expression he most resembled Edison Chen, and winked at Zhang Xiaoman. Blink your mother's head and shut it up!Don't look at her! But I still had the illusion of being burned on my chin, so I could only hold back, stood up silently, and blocked Zuo Yan's sight with my huge body.

"I have to call the senior quickly, he and Liang Shengmei are looking for you elsewhere." Zhang Xiaoman's tone was flat, but I smelled a little sweetness. Tsk tsk, in the name of looking for me separately, they even exchanged phone numbers. I stared at her with a smile, seeing that she was uncomfortable——Teng Zhen was my only window through which Zhang Xiaoman's true feelings could be seen.She turned her back and answered the phone: "Hi, senior, it's me, Xiao--Zhang Xiaoman." Just say "Xiaoman" directly.This girl is too tender. "Well, let's go back right away. Good!"

She clutched the phone to her chest and was excited for a second, then turned her face calm again: "Pingping, have you finished talking with your friend? Let's go." "Zhang Xiaoman?" Zuo Yan stood up at some point, "My name is Zuo Yan." He actually stretched out his right hand, you rascal, what kind of hand are you holding! Zhang Xiaoman held out his hand hesitantly, and then let go after a light grip, pulling my sleeve and urging me to leave quickly.When I turned around, Zuo Yan was smiling unpredictably, making a phone call gesture with his left hand in his ear, and mouthing at me: I owe you!

I owe your mother a head, I think you owe electricity! We met at the elevator door, Teng Zhen looked at the rice bag in my hand, and couldn't believe it: "I ordered you to eat? Are you so hungry?" I followed my morning strategy and turned deaf to all his provocations. "No, no," we walked into the elevator door and pressed 12, Zhang Xiaoman hurriedly explained, "Pingping was chatting with a friend, maybe he forgot the time." "What are you talking about?" Liang Shengmei burst into laughter, "Talking about you causing her to be beaten by her parents? Here, there is still a red mark on her neck that hasn't faded."

"Liang Shengmei." Liang Shengmei attacked Zhang Xiaoman as an addict, and was stopped by me inadvertently, and looked at me very impatiently. "Student Liang Shengmei, I want to ask you a question." I looked at her seriously, and took advantage of the situation to block Zhang Xiaoman behind. "When the fire was on fire just now, you jumped on the stage. I can understand that it was because of concern, but when Teng Zhen waved his arms and told the audience that he was fine, you seemed a little unhappy?" Liang Shengmei was startled, and her face turned red with anger: "You fart!"

"What are you shouting, you have a loud voice!" I said that Wang Pingping's alto magnification is really unbearable for ordinary people, "I just think you are unhappy, listen up, I think, can't you? Isn't it because Zhang Xiaoman doesn't let go because 'you think' she's not good? It's my turn to know that she's not feeling well?" Liang Shengmei was speechless, but her mind turned quickly, and she quickly calmed down—I'm afraid she also felt that I was insignificant and didn't hurt her too much. "'I think' is not just 'I think', they are all reasonable, and what you just said is unreasonable and groundless."

"It makes sense, why is there no basis," I said briskly, "Why do you want him to have an accident? Because, Teng Zhen is so good-looking, if something happens, you have another one of his kind." The atmosphere freezes. The elevator goes to the 12th floor.The door opened and no one moved. "Wang Pingping," Teng Zhen stretched out his left hand to block the moment the door was about to close, "Is what you said too much?" For the first time, the boy Teng Zhen stopped smiling when he talked to me. "Where is it too much?" I looked up at Teng Zhen who was blocking the door.This time even Zhang Xiaoman grabbed my waist from behind and motioned for me to shut up.

"You like to think about all kinds of interesting people so much, don't you just think that life is so smooth that it's boring? You think about people and pass judgments on them by the way. That's your own game, and no one can control it. But you Please stuff all the bullshit judgments you said back into your dog's belly, and don't spread them around to attract people's suspicion. I think what I said about Liang Shengmei is too much, because everything is her private speculation that she cannot refute. huh? That's what you've been doing to people. Stop fucking pretending."

Liang Shengmei was trembling with anger, but Teng Zhen tilted his head and regained his playful look, he was really a hob. "Wang Pingping, anyway, I've been talking for you, you don't know what's good, don't you?" Liang Shengmei sneered. Just as I was about to open my mouth, Zhang Xiaoman suddenly grabbed my wrist, stepped forward and stood beside me, and said, "What Pingping said to you just now was a bit too much, her personality is just like this, don't mind." Hello?Can you tell the difference between friend and foe, girl? But after thinking about it, I didn't really intend to seek justice for anyone. If Zhang Xiaoman and Si Ni can make her clean up her image in the heart of her beloved senior Teng Zhen, then let her play the white lotus once.

But I was wrong. "However, Liang Shengmei, don't flaunt that you are always talking for mediocrity. I don't know if senior Teng Zhen laughed at her appearance because of her acquaintance; but you, every time, just use She was just attacking me as a weapon. Do you care how the weapon feels? Everything you say tells me you don't." Zhang Xiaoman pulled me out of the elevator, walked a few steps, and then turned around. "I didn't deliberately not tell Pingping about leaving school early, I told her," she held my hand tightly, as if afraid of my rebellion, and she didn't dare to continue talking until I shook her back, " It was she who forgot, so no matter how you provoke her, she knows the truth even if she doesn't believe you."

"When you had an accident in elementary school, I stopped the teacher from letting her send everyone to visit, because I knew that you definitely didn't want to see anyone, and you didn't want everyone to come to your house to take your pain and 'learn from Lei Feng'! If I only care about scheming and posturing, so I won’t be criticized in public by teachers, and I won’t be regarded as a bad guy who gloats at others’ misfortune by elementary school students.” "When I was in junior high school, I shouted 'I was scared to death'. I was really shocked because I bumped into someone, not because of your injury. I will apologize for the consequences of my recklessness and accept that you hate me because of this incident. My whole life. But I don't recognize the viciousness you imposed on me. " Wow, Jedi Strikes Back, beautiful, I silently sigh. Wouldn't it be over if I said this earlier, I wasted so much, you high school students just like to drag the show. Although she told a big lie about the make-up class, it made me feel abnormally happy.She didn't treat Wang Pingping as a follower who could play with her at will, so she dared to lie in front of me, it just showed one thing, she was learning how to trust me. No one will be unconditionally nice to others, she said so, and I agree.She didn't know that I was not "someone else", so she didn't believe me, and I accepted it. On the bright road, it's an honor to be a companion, and you don't need trust. Only in the gutter where the great virtues are disadvantaged, when we hand each other handles, there is no gap between the two hands we hold. I followed Zhang Xiaoman to the auditorium with big strides. "Professor Chen Sihe of Fudan University once commented on Shi Tiesheng: "From the harshness of individual fate to the eternal flow of human life, Shi Tiesheng brought the contemplation of the impermanence of fate into the integration of all life, thus presenting the overall suffering and existence of human beings. responsibility.'” Song Heci took off his glasses, put them on the podium, put them on again in less than half a second, continued talking for a while, and took off his glasses again... I was also idle, watching Wang Pingping's dream lover with great interest. Get used to the action. "Through our study today, we also really felt Shi Tiesheng's responsibility..." A judge in the first row stood up and motioned to the front of the stage. Song Heci was a little surprised and at a loss.The judge took a small headset from the host and cleared his throat. "Mr. Song, excuse me. My teacher once participated in a PEN meeting with Shi Tiesheng, and I was fortunate enough to meet him, so I am very moved by Mr. Song's open class." I could see that Song Heci was a little excited under suppression.It can arouse the judges' desire to express, which shows that the effect of his class is not bad. The answers he asked the students to recite are not words that high school students can say, which shows how much homework he has done as a literary youth. The judges eloquently recalled his brief meeting with Shi Tiesheng, and his love for Shi Tiesheng. Just when I was falling asleep, I heard the old man's tone change. "Students in our class, at the age of sixteen or seventeen, can have such deep insights into Teacher Shi Tiesheng's articles, which surprises me." It's over, it's time to dress up. However, memorizing the answers in advance is the routine of most public classes, so this old man can't hold on to it. "So, Mr. Song, I hope you can allow me to add a little question to the students in Class 1 of our city's No. 1 Middle School." The judges smiled reservedly, "Professor Wang Dewei from Columbia University in the United States commented like this Passing Shi Tiesheng: "From beauty to emptiness, to distinguish whether there is evidence or not. Shi Tiesheng used his body as a dojo, and achieved the spectacle of literature and life."" Song Heci looked away from the curtain, put down his glasses, and put them on again, feeling nervous. "Is there any student who can talk to us, how do you understand the phrase 'taking the body as the dojo'?" Shi Tiesheng's article is full of God, and the people who commented on him said "dojo". Play these Communist Youth League members to death! All the students in the class panicked with Song Heci. Song Heci cleared his throat and wanted to say something, but was suppressed by the judges' gestures, and his eyes brightened: "Don't worry, let the students have a time to think,—— Hey, that female classmate!" I watched Zhang Xiaoman stand up. "In the sixth section, Shi Tiesheng described a disabled little girl who was endowed with both beauty and mental retardation. This little girl's congenital experience and Shi Tiesheng's personal experience of being paralyzed at the age of 23 made him think about why God sent so much suffering to this world There is beauty only when there is ugliness, there is perfection only when there is incompleteness, and each other sets off the greatness of the universe, so suffering is "necessary". The question is, who will bear these "suffering"? Shi Tiesheng's thinking ends here, and his The conclusion is that, as far as fate is concerned, there is no justice." Zhang Xiaoman's gentle and calm voice resounded through the auditorium, and Song Heci wiped his sweat secretly. I sent her a sentence of "OK, you" with my eyes, Zhang Xiaoman smiled reservedly, and said very lightly: "You can't just answer 'new words'." Tsk tsk, the ability to learn is quite strong.I lay down on the table, enjoying the atmosphere of "old friends and ghosts" with my younger self. "When Shi Tiesheng asked the question 'Where is the road to redemption for all unfortunate fates', he chose a literary answer, 'Ugly women make beautiful women, fools bring out wise men, cowards make heroes out, ’ and the last sentence, ‘all living beings transformed the Buddha.’ The Columbia University professor commented that Shi Tiesheng’s physical body is a dojo. In Buddhism and Taoism, a dojo is a ritual with different purposes. The most important one is degree." "God chose him. No matter how he struggles and is unwilling, he must accept his mission in the end. His fate and life experience, the pain of his mother's early death, and the care conveyed by the text are all the same for everyone who reads it. He sacrificed his health, accepted the impermanence of fate, and tried to ask the meaning of suffering for all living beings, and he did it.” Zhang Xiaoman's answer won a lot of applause. Shi Tiesheng's physical body is a Taoist place, and his writing helps all beings. By the way, he also helps a girl who wants to attract the attention of her admirers to become the focus. I believe that Teacher Shi will not care about the girl's little tricks. But Zhang Xiaoman didn't know that her answer had extremely cruel connotations.This long paragraph of explanation is beautifully written, but it is only three words when condensed. "you deserve it." Whoever God chooses to bear the suffering is beyond justice.When Shi Tiesheng wrote these words, it was not emotion, but blood and tears, and powerlessness. Seventeen-year-old Zhang Xiaoman didn't understand.Thirty-year-old she doesn't understand either. Wang Pingping understands. Maybe my story of returning to the soul is a prank by Teacher Shi Tiesheng?As I thought about it, I laughed bitterly, and when I turned around, I found Liang Shengmei covering her scar with her hand, and lowered her head. you deserve it. In addition to me, the unknown unlucky guy, there is another person who really bears the suffering.Although I don't want her to humiliate Zhang Xiaoman because of her self-defeating, but looking at Liang Shengmei at this moment, I feel a tight pain in my chest. I came back to my senses and found that everyone was looking in our direction, especially Song Heci with an earnest expression on his face. "This is the last thought question. Let's diverge our thinking and say whatever we want. Shi Tiesheng's article must have given you a lot to think about. So is there any student willing to share with you? Suffering, what is the significance of our lives? Seeing that Liang Shengmei didn't respond, Song Heci repeated the question again. This is the last question, Liang Shengmei's question. Scars are her moral shields and medals that make her more "strong and confident". applause…… However, everything was not as good. That day, I stayed in bed and didn't go to the teacher's house to learn the flute.For things like gas explosions, just look at the social news section of the newspaper. In the burning eyes, Liang Shengmei trembled, trying to raise her hand. My eyes were sore, I pressed down forcibly, and then, I took the lead in raising my hand high. "Teacher, I have something to say." To Song Heci, this was nothing less than a terrorist attack, but under the watchful eyes of everyone, he could only bite the bullet and point at me with his index finger, refusing to even call out my name. "I think suffering has no meaning at all. It's just suffering. Finding meaning for suffering is because suffering is really... too bitter," the audience burst into laughter, laughing fart, it's not good to speak plain words, " Both humans and animals are governed by motives. They eat because they want to fill their stomachs and live. They study hard to get into a good university and find a good job. Even the least utilitarian is to pursue knowledge. Knowledge is fun. We are born to like to eat and clothe ourselves, and do things that make us happy, such as reading books, such as reading nothing.” "However, there are accidental events in this world. From ancient times to the present, there are endless ones. Some people are born deaf and dumb, and some people suffer from unexpected disasters. We are educated since childhood that we will only be punished if we do wrong things, but many sufferings are random and unintentional. If there is a reason, a good boy will ask, why, why, what is the point of my suffering? There must be a reason in the dark, and I am not suffering for nothing, otherwise I would be too useless." I didn't come here for nothing, Zhang Xiaoman, so no matter you are cruel or hypocritical, I will find the meaning of protecting you for myself. "I think it's better not to ask any more questions. It's useless to ask, and Mr. Shi Tiesheng didn't ask the result. What really put him on the road to redemption is that his novel won an award, so he can comfort his mother. Suffering is suffering, Meaning is what we create in our own lives, no matter how beautiful the words are, it is better not to suffer.” I heard Liang Shengmei sobbing behind me. "The meaning is compensation. We can only choose to let the losses we have suffered be a hundred times the benefits." The applause was thunderous, a hundred times more enthusiastic than that given to Zhang Xiaoman.I looked down the stage, and saw Teng Zhen standing in the first row, leaning against the door, with a smile on his face again. I looked down at the electronic watch that was deformed by Wang Shugang. "Of course, the suffering I'm talking about is a natural disaster, not a man-made disaster." I smiled slowly, "God, we can't do anything about it, and the living are not held accountable, but it's too useless." At this moment, harsh horns and screams came from the playground.Teng Zhen was free, and went straight out of the auditorium to watch from the window in the corridor. Soon the corridor was crowded with students from vocational high schools taking their lunch break. I jumped off the stage, Zhang Xiaoman turned pale with shock, and gave me a hand: "Why are you going?" I squeezed to the window, the flag-raising square was surrounded by buildings, and the flag-raising platform in the middle was as shiny as I had just seen. It was Lao He and her friends who played the trumpet. I saw Wang Haifeng being dragged by Zuo Yan and hiding in the shadow of the building where we broke up just now. He was so afraid of this vocational high school, so scared that he didn't dare to walk into the elevator where acquaintances might appear, and he didn't dare to stand in the corridor where people come and go, but still because he was worried about Wang Pingping, he bit the bullet and stepped in here. In the new campus, old grievances and grievances should not be kept. I called Lao He, and there was only one dial tone. Lao He under the flag-raising stage laughed loudly, pulled the flagpole hard, and tore off the rolled long scroll, and the whole scroll fell slowly. The four big characters in the middle—— "Zhang Yong is impotent".