Chapter 10 10. People without a future

The class was silent for a moment. Then there was a whisper, and the girls' "Teng Zhen Teng Zhen" gurgling thoughts kept coming up like water bubbles. It seemed that he was more famous than I expected.Teng Zhen, who was seventeen or eighteen years old, seemed to have long been used to this kind of attention, and was even quite satisfied. He leaned against the door with the corner of his mouth raised, with a peaceful posture, more glorious than when he was thirty years old. An irrelevant image suddenly appeared in my mind. On the plane to Shanghai, I stared out the window in a daze, watching the steel behemoth climb and shake off the runway it was following.The streets were reduced to matts, and the cars were reduced to ants. I passed through the thick clouds and mists in the belly of the giant beast, jumped up, and was instantly bathed in the last afterglow of the setting sun.The wave of the sea of ​​clouds stretches to the horizon in the distance, where the fire clouds solidify into lava that will not be extinguished.

Later we passed a cumulonimbus cloud with a strange shape, with a pair of flamboyant wings embedded in a round and thick base, which looked like a phoenix plunged headlong into a calm lake.I was about to point it out to Teng Zhen, and raised my hand to pat him, only to find that he was asleep with his eyes closed. Later, I took a lot of effort to describe to him what the cloud looked like, and he smiled and asked me why I didn't wake him up. I said, there are clouds on the left and you on the right, both are landscapes.But when you are awake, I dare not look at you. He glanced at me: I'm so shy that you can't say such shameless things.

I sigh inwardly.Clouds have ups and downs, people have clear sleepiness, I have true shamelessness, and true feelings of timidity. All these heartbeats wrapped in hippie smiling faces are collected one by one into the glass shards I stepped on with bare feet on rainy nights. I suddenly felt hatred in my heart. Teng Zhen cleared his throat with a smile on his face, and played back his carefully designed cruel lines again in slow speed for all the students who didn't hear clearly just now. "What about you, Wang Pingping, get out of here!" Damn second disease. I turned my head and shouted to the little man who was mediating civil disputes in the back row of the classroom: "Squad leader!"

The little man grinned, a little embarrassed: "I told you, I'm the party secretary." He pointed to Zhang Xiaoman again: "She is the monitor." Zhang Xiaoman is the monitor?I didn't see her take care of anything yesterday.In addition, I haven't figured out the difference between the two positions of monitor and secretary of the Communist Party of China after studying for so many years. "Okay League secretary, hurry up and sue the teacher. Someone from the senior class called me and he told me to get out. Anyway, I can't get out. If he has the ability, he can come in." I turned to Teng Zhen, " As for you, get out if you have the guts."

I finished my statement very calmly, and the class became even quieter. So I also learned from Teng Zhen and played back the key lines in slow speed. "If you have the guts, you just, Gulu Gulu, get out of here." Teng Zhen at the door suddenly didn't know where to put his hands and feet, and the gangster's face that he had forced out just now was shattered on the ground.Heh, fight with your aunt before your hair grows, if you play a young and Dangerous boy, I will broadcast today's lecture to you. The regiment secretary paused, nodded quickly, and ran towards the back door.

"Wait a moment!" Zhang Xiaoman stood up suddenly and yelled, the Communist Youth League Secretary slammed on the brakes and almost missed the door.She looked at me and then at Teng Zhen, bent down and said softly: "Pingping, the senior is from the student union, nothing will happen to you, just come out and just...give him face, don't worry, I'll be with you." That's fine, her face is my face, and I was just trying to squeeze the second person at the door. Zhang Xiaoman, the class monitor, is quite important. She calmed down the scene in the class with a few words, let the party secretary handle Xing Guizhi and Jiang He's seat-changing dispute with peace of mind, and walked out of class by pulling my wrist.At that moment, I looked at her with mixed feelings of relief and sadness.

I am awesome.But I am not me anymore. Teng Zhen had already evacuated from the door, and stood in the shadows tactfully against the wall of the corridor, probably feeling that he couldn't afford to lose this person.When I walked out, he was about to get angry again, when he saw Zhang Xiaoman who came after him, he swallowed his angry expression back like he was swallowing a stool. "I have something to say to her," he said to Zhang Xiaoman, "You...you don't have to come here." The words are harsh, but the tone is very kind.Zhang Xiaoman was slightly stunned, and quickly realized: "I'm the class monitor, senior, after all, you were a bit...you're welcome to face Ping Ping in front of your classmates just now. Go far and talk."

As she spoke, she took a few steps back and smiled at Teng Zhen with her hands behind her back. Neither humble nor overbearing, polite and restrained, this is definitely not my narcissism, everyone commented, isn't Zhang Xiaoman cute? yes! And why do I feel that I was more reliable and stable when I was 17 than when I was 30?The phrase "the more you live, the more you come back" was made for me. Teng Zhen is a bit like a "student union cadre" in front of Zhang Xiaoman, gentle and elegant: "Just now... I lost my temper just now, and it's none of your business. If you are worried, just watch from a distance. I will leave after I finish speaking, no How about her."

After a pause, he still couldn't hold back, and added softly: "If I do something to her, it will be cheaper for her." This boy is so cheap.On behalf of Wang Pingping, I rolled my eyes. He left after he finished speaking, glaring at me for me to follow.I made an OK gesture to Xiaoman: "Go back to class and study by yourself, it's okay." We walked into the stairwell at the end of the corridor, and just two steps up when he turned around so condescendingly that I nearly bumped my head into it.He is not as tall as he was when he was an adult, but he is close to 1.8 meters. He still has to rely on the advantage of the terrain to look down on me, which is simply sick.

"I finally understand why you said yesterday that I killed you." He looked at people with his nostrils. "When did I say—" I stopped, and vaguely remembered that I was biting his calf in the men's room yesterday, and I was pulled away by his classmates. I did swear a bunch of dirty words in a mess, but I can't remember if there is such a sentence . What did he understand?Is he also back from 2016? "Stop pretending," he didn't give me a chance to ask, "Your life is yours. If you want to cut your wrists and jump into the river to touch the switch, it has nothing to do with me. I don't know you at all. I was careless in the toilet yesterday. If you Mess with me again, and I'll let you change from suicide to homicide!"

……what? He looked at me blankly and frowned, probably because he felt that such a wonderful line of "suicide becomes homicide" did not achieve the expected effect, and it was a pity: "Do you understand? If you don't believe me, just try it, I will let you— —” "Suicide becomes homicide!" I interrupted him impatiently, "I understand, I understand, you shut up first and let me smooth it out." Teng Zhen: ... I crossed my arms and pondered for a while, and it was true that I was thinking too much. What he was talking about was not my car accident, but Wang Pingping's suicide. "You really don't know me?" It didn't look like he was pretending. His expression changed from dazed to contempt again: "You still want to rely on me? I—" "Answer what I ask you, don't be so free!" I yelled at him, "Know or don't know!" "do not know……" "Who do you like, Fan Zhongyan or Su Shi?" "I like Zidane." He looked at me with dead fish eyes. "Then do you like wind chimes?" "What the hell?" "Wind chimes, the kind that hang up and jingle." "Do you believe I kicked you?" I looked at Teng Zhen seriously.I asked quickly, without any structure, and he could easily deny it, but I am sure that this young boy is not lying.After calming down, I have to admit that no matter whether it is the boy with a hairy head, wearing a white T, and wearing Asics football shoes, or the man who puts a suit jacket on his shoulders and laughs at his father who believes in infrared saunas, none of them Too much like the fairy wind chime man mentioned in Wang Pingping's diary. Is it the same name?Or is Wang Pingping delusional? After being stared at by me for too long, Teng Zhen panicked a little, and stepped back two more steps. Now he is a full meter behind me in height, and he is completely ready to fly up and kick me in the face. "Don't gossip with me, anyway, I'll just say a word, you don't have anything to do with me anymore, I'm not a good person, it's useless for me to talk about the dead, I won't coax you, Stop threatening people with suicide!" "It turns out that you were like this when you were a child, my father." I was a little distracted, "Isn't this very good, why do you like to pretend when you grow up?" "Pretend what?" The teenager in 2003 felt that this was not a good word, and stepped back two steps, "Are you crazy?" I don't care how jumpy he thinks my thoughts are: "Let me ask you again, how do you know that Wang Pingping's suicide has something to do with you?" Teng Zhen picks out the words: "Aren't you Wang Pingping?" "answer the questions!" "Hao Lin said...my buddy. Later I remembered it myself." "What do you remember?" Teng Zhen didn't answer obediently this time, and began to look at me suspiciously. "Why do I feel that the conversation was so chaotic just now?" He said to himself. "It's not messy at all." I didn't intend to make any detours, sighed and said, "Wang Ping...uh, I don't remember why I committed suicide. But don't worry, at least I don't like you now, and I haven't loved you enough." Crazy, you don't have to be so far away from me, I have never seen someone who feels as good as you." Actually seen.I feel better about myself than he does. Teng Zhen's ears turned red, the morning light shone through the window in the stairwell behind him, the pinnae of his ears were thin, and there was a cloud of flying clouds. "I also want to know who I committed suicide for. I read a diary and it was written for you - don't be nervous, I don't think the person written in the diary is quite like you. Now, you think I rely on you , I think you're pouring dirty water on me, so why don't you tell me what you know, in exchange, I promise to stay away from you in the future, okay?" Teng Zhen was silent for a while, and he could see that he didn't believe what I said about "amnesia" at all, but after a while, he still nodded: "Okay." "Yesterday in the hospital, I asked Jiang He, the fat guy in your class..." He was still a good boy, and the word "fat man" almost slipped out, and he caught him, "Who is that girl? Jiang He told me , You just turned around, as if something happened before. Then it was my buddy Hao Lin, who remembered your name when he heard it." It turned out that Hao Lin was the big fool who was afraid of ghosts in the men's room yesterday. Thanks to Teng Zhen, now that I know that Wang Pingping studied in No. 2 Railway Middle School, I can answer the question Zhang Xiaoman asked me yesterday—if she is still interested. Teng Zhen's parents are the leaders of the railway system, so naturally they also study in No. 2 Railway Middle School.Hao Lin told him that in the year they graduated, a few pages of the diary of a school girl in the next class were thrown down the corridor by the feuding female classmate, and it was a letter to Teng Zhen. "Everyone passed by happily, and I didn't take it seriously, after all, the person who likes me..." He paused. "There are." I continued, nodding at him reassuringly, "Understood. Don't be lyrical, let's talk about the process." The rays of light spread from the ears to Teng Zhen's cheeks. "But I haven't seen you. It seems that you have never looked for me. Later, after I was admitted to No. 1 Middle School..." "Eh?" I interrupted suddenly, "Your brain is so easy to use, why didn't you take the test?" He raised his eyebrows when he heard the first half of the sentence, and immediately twisted into knots in the second half. "It's none of your business," he explained, "No. 1 Middle School is close to my house!" I just didn't pass the exam.My expression gave away my heart. Teng Zhen wanted to argue with me, but I hurriedly brought it back to the topic: "Then, what happened after you were admitted to No. 1 Middle School?" "Your parents came to see me... It should be your parents. They didn't say what was wrong, they asked me if I knew you, and of course I said I didn't know you at all. Then they left. This morning's weekly meeting, I asked the director privately, and he said that you committed suicide, so I connected all these things together." Teng Zhen shrugged: "Yesterday you were like a mad dog, and now you say you don't remember, who is it? You don't remember you bit me like that? I don't care about girls, stop here, you will die or live. Come bother me again." I listened quietly and was not angry.If what Teng Zhen said is true, then it is really scary to provoke a girl who has a suicidal habit for no reason. As a rational adult, I support him not to be coerced and not to be a bad person. "Okay," I nodded, "I see. I'm back at work." Teng Zhen was dumbfounded: "What?" "Let's go. Bye." I waved my hand indiscriminately, turned and walked down the steps. Since the culprit is not the Teng Zhen I know, it’s really meaningless to explore it. I don’t have such a strong sense of justice and responsibility. Do I really plan to live a brilliant life with this face?Whether Wang Pingping fell in love with delusions and how he died is none of my business. I know very well that from yesterday until now, I have been desperately trying to find the meaning of being here.I want to protect myself from living past the age of 30, but I found out that this place has gone astray since Zhang Xiaoman’s elementary school went to Taiwan. I still know a little about quantum physics. It must be some kind of karmic destiny destined to Wang Pingping. As a result, Teng Zhen didn't know her at all, and she died for nothing. I want to treat this as a novel, a game, and I want to make each clue into a task to overcome the unwillingness and boredom that swept me madly. It didn't work, I was tired again and couldn't run anymore. Look, Teng Zhen, who was so yuppie when he grew up, can't help calling Wang Pingping fat now.What if everything is meaningless and I am trapped in this fat body all my life? I did so proudly and well as Zhang Xiaoman in my previous life, I can't accept it. Tears fell uncontrollably. Before turning out of the stairwell, I subconsciously glanced back. Teng Zhen looked confused because of the abrupt end of the conversation, standing on the high steps and staring at me in a daze.When he found out that I was crying, he became even more embarrassed, and the aura of "I love you to death" just disappeared. He is still a child. "Can I ask you a question?" "Ask." I lowered my eyes. "You really don't remember? But why on earth did you... bite me?" "Oh," I smiled, sniffling, "that's another thing. You'll know when you grow up." He couldn't believe it: "I've grown up?" "Yes. When you grow up..." I looked at him, "you will be a peerless bastard." I walked out of the stairwell and almost bumped into Zhang Xiaoman. She didn't expect me to come out so quickly, she was shocked and said immediately: "I'm sorry, I was worried about you..." "It's okay," I yawned and shook my head, "it's nothing. Let's go, we're going back." I walked a few steps with my head down and found that she was not following me.Zhang Xiaoman's footsteps turned away from me and turned into the stairwell. I heard her shout, senior. Teng Zhen answered her gently: What's the matter, Xiaoman? I did not continue to listen. It really is a different world.Zhang Xiaoman in this world has known Teng Zhen for a long time, so he doesn't need to rush to the bar with a painting tube, pour himself ecstasy soup, and invite others to accompany her on her birthday. All classes started their morning self-study. I walked in the long corridor and passed through the bright doors. It is a complete small world, in which slowly floating young and lively souls are diligently planning their own future and future. All have nothing to do with me. I have no future.