Chapter 15 first quarter
"I said, little friend, shall we go for a drive?" On the night of camping, in front of the bonfire, Etaro invited me like this.
"Now?"
"Yes, right now, to the mountain road in the dark night..."
Eutaro's eyes glowed with joy, and he looked like a child about my age.
Etaro used to take me for a ride occasionally.The places he went to were all ordinary places, such as the middle school he graduated from, the river bank with beautiful rapeseed flowers, and the small seaside cafeteria where you can eat clams for only 100 yuan.The cafeteria makes a miso soup of a flat crab called a crab, and Eutaro sometimes takes me there for a drink.In the afternoon of weekdays, Etaro caught me in the work car and took me to those places.I was always sitting in the passenger seat, listening to Eitaro telling bad jokes and crosstalk-like memories, and thinking to myself, so-and-so he wants a son?
"No, I've already drank." Aunt Yizi picked up the strawberries she brought and frowned.His fair face was dyed orange from the campfire, and the shadow of his hands was vividly reflected.
"I only drank a little."
"Then I'll drive."
"What about Sayo and Nao?"
"It's okay for everyone to go together."
However, Nao felt that going out was too troublesome and wanted to sleep.Etaro looked frustrated, and when he was about to speak, Sashiro, who was staring at the bonfire, said, "I stay here with Nao." She might also be sleepy, and her voice sounded weak.
"Just the two of you? It doesn't seem to work."
"It's okay, we'll stay in the tent."
Oitaro hesitated for a while, then nodded to Aunt Itsuko. "Then let's go." Aunt Yizi sighed deliberately, stood up with a smile, and said that the fire was too dangerous, so it was better to extinguish it.As a result, the bonfire was extinguished by soil and water, and the surroundings quickly darkened.There was a happy laugh from the tent in the distance. Etaro prepared blankets for Sashiro and Nao, and bought unseasonable fireworks. Finally, he decided to wait for a while, or wait until summer came to set them off together.
We got in the car and started our night drive.Aunt Itsuko drove much more calmly than Eitaro. When turning, the bone-like trees moved slowly under the illumination of the headlights.I've always watched Etaro drive, thinking that he had to push the gear lever hard, but Aunt Yasuko didn't push hard at all, and she looked like she could handle it with ease.
"I really feel it." Etaro and I sat side by side in the back, he opened the window, smoked a cigarette, and kept smiling silently.I, too, felt a pain-like excitement in my lower stomach as the adventure that had just ended began again.
"Aren't you and your dad going for a ride?"
"Not often..." In fact, I have never been there.
"That's not okay. You're a boy..."
"Stop talking nonsense." Aunt Itsuko scolded Etaro, who grinned.
How are the bright stars in the mountains different from those in the city?Feather lice, summoned by the light of the headlights, are the answer.Why is the water on the mountain so clear?That's because the "B" of Etaro is not the "B" of "A B", but the "B" of "The Taste of B".Listening to Etaro's nonsense, I couldn't sit still.The uphill road gradually narrowed, and finally, there were only ruts left on the ground, and there was no road left.In order to find a suitable parking place, Aunt Yizi reversed the car a few times.
I thought sadly that the next thing I had to do was to go back to my tent and sleep.Even if I can't get back together, my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier.When I came back to my senses, the car had already returned to the parking lot of the campsite.Dragging his sleepy body to open the door, the wind rushed towards him.
"What's going on? It's windy."
"Will the tent be blown away?"
When we found a red light, we walked around behind the management building and came to the tent area.At first they thought it was a bonfire, but the three of them were not in a hurry.But when he approached that place, Eitaro suddenly gasped.
It's our tent that's on fire!
Eitaro let out a short cry and started running.At that moment, his profile looked like a different person, as if he was wearing a strange rubber mask.Then, Aunt Yizi also ran, and I followed behind to chase them.The closer we got to the tent, the more clearly we could see the fire burning.Eitaro shouted the names of his two daughters incoherently, and threw himself into the flames.Aunt Yizi made a sound like vomiting and followed behind.I stand before the flames.The tent itself wasn't burning, the fire was coming from a small window in the side of the tent and the square mouth.boom!The sound of something exploding hit my eardrum intermittently.
Because of the fire, Aunt Yizi was burned all over her body and died a week later.
Sashiro has lost her hair and has scars on part of her left arm and half of her face.Nao's shirt caught fire, but thanks to Etaro who helped her take it off quickly, she only suffered a slight injury to her shoulder.Etaro's back was also severely burned. He was hospitalized with Aunt Itsuko and Sashiro, but fortunately his life was not in danger.
"Suddenly caught fire... my sister wanted to put out the fire..."
I learned afterwards that the cause of the fire was improper handling of the bonfire at the time.According to firefighters, it is likely that the charcoal fire that had not been completely extinguished was burned by the wind, and the ash with sparks flew up, igniting the nylon screens on the tent windows.The weak fire entered the tent, igniting the blankets of Sashiro and Nao, as well as the fireworks in the bag.
Soon, Aunt Itsuko, who was placed in the white urn, and Sayo, whose arms and face were bandaged, returned home.Although I didn't know the phrase "I wash my face with tears all day long" until I grew up, but the life that Etarou lived at that time can be completely described by this sentence.Even if there were no tears or whimpers, Eutaro's whole body was crying.The voice was hoarse, and the moist eyes were lifeless, like a festered wound that had not been treated.The limbs are thin and thin, and even a swing is incredible.The shape of the skull was revealed, and it looked horrific.During that time, for some reason, I used honorifics when speaking to Etarou.I don't want that either, but it's going to be a struggle to talk like normal.
After finishing condolences to Aunt Itsuko, Nao became more lively than before.However, I have never seen Nao with sadder eyes than then.
Sashiro never took off the bandage.Other than that, I don't think she's changed much.Of course, this is just my ignorance when I was young.
My attitude towards Sashiro has not changed.This was not intentional, but because I knew that Sashiro under the bandage was the one I knew, I didn't think about how it would affect our relationship.I was a kid then, and kids were growing dangerously fast every day.Months passed.In the summer of the sixth grade, I began to have feelings for Sashiro that I didn't know before.
It is sympathy.
I began to feel sorry for Sayo.Every time I have sympathy for her, there will be a sweetness in my heart that I didn't feel before.Finally, the desire for sweetness made me start to consciously empathize.Sympathy can be a pleasure because it is not accompanied by responsibility, but I didn't understand that at the time.When alone, I always sympathize with Sayo.Ah, how pitiful, just thinking about it, while reveling in the feeling of stinging in the nose.
In the clear and quiet afternoon, I once closed my eyes and prayed.Now that I think about it, that might be childish masturbation.Before long, I felt that masturbation alone was not enough, and I wanted more intense pleasure.I began to wish to share the pleasure with Sashiro.
"I made a decision."
The day I went to Sayori's room, there was a terrible shower of cicadas outside the window.Sade has been sitting on the chair, as if to carry the noisy cicadas.She stared at me who came over unexpectedly.Immediately, I'm going to experience sweet pleasure, imagining that Sashiro can feel the same pleasure, I'm so excited.
Then, I started to say the prepared lines: "I want to marry Sayo."
Sashiro, whose face was half covered with bandages, didn't show any expression.I didn't think it would be like that, I couldn't help it, I said it again.These are the only lines I have prepared.
"I'm going to marry Sayo, I..."
When I saw Sashiro at that time, her eyes were as hollow as if she had been pasted with eye-shaped stickers. She was sitting next to me, and she looked like a painting.Black and white painting.Without all the emotive decorations, the paintings are drawn with simple lines, just like the Noh masks you have seen on TV.At that moment, my heart became cold.
Sayo didn't say a word.
I went home with an empty heart.Why does Sayo have that expression?Why not feel that sweet thrill with me?I asked myself repeatedly in my heart, and three days passed like this.
There is a large parking lot behind the hospital where Sade has been going for treatment, and there is an oak forest in it.That day, Sashiro did not make an appointment to see a doctor, but went to the hospital by bus alone, and then hanged herself by hanging a nylon rope from an oak tree.She is said to have used a plastic dumpster next to a vending machine in the parking lot as a step stool, and where she hanged herself, there was a rock the size of an adult's fist surrounded by shards of glass and white powder.Sayo smashed the snow globe music box.The little snowman rolled wildly among the shards of glass, and half of his face was covered with black dirt.
Actually, I didn't see the scene with my own eyes.All of this is with the benefit of hindsight.I overheard Eutaro tearfully telling his relatives about it, but even now I can clearly imagine that scene.The half-dirty, faceless smiling yeti on the ground.Shards of glass thinly reflect back the late summer sun, while the artificial snow dries up tragically inside.The sound of cicadas floated around, filled with the sweet smell of leaves.In a place that was hidden by lush leaves and was not easy to be seen, Sashiro was shaking coldly.
At the last moment she passed away, she must have wanted to kill me.
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