The elbow of the young man washing his hands touched my bag. "Ah, sorry." The voice woke me up. here it is…… It seemed like a long time before I remembered that this was an airport restroom.That's right, I came to Haneda Airport to take the last flight back home.After going to the airline counter to check in, I come in here to relieve and wash my hands. How long had I been in this trance? I hurriedly took out my handkerchief.There was already a long line behind them.I quickly leave the sink.What a fool, what are you thinking.I couldn't help but smile wryly, haven't I seen that face for forty years?Up to now, it feels like "deja vu".However……

However, the wonderful feeling just now was inexplicably vivid.Could it be that is the so-called "sense of déjà vu"? The word "deja vu" often appears in old songs.Obviously it is the first time to see a person, or the first time to go to a place, but it makes people have an illusion, as if they have seen or been to it before. Déjà vu... acquaintance?Yes, that's exactly what it feels like.If it's just a sense of sight, although it's not frequent, I've experienced it a few times, so I won't be particularly surprised.But this time it was his own face reflected in the mirror that caused this feeling.How is it possible, it's not the first time I've watched it... I've watched it every day for forty years, and I'm almost tired of watching it.

Before stepping out of the crowded bathroom, I looked back in the mirror again.It's me, the face I'm used to seeing.What is reflected there is not a "sense of déjà vu", but a symbol of life that we are accustomed to. What is wrong?Am I more tired than I feel?Although I stayed at the university and could do research at my own pace, being in an organization was no different.It was impossible for me to completely free myself from the troubles of relationships, so a lot of stress built up without me noticing it. It's past five o'clock in the afternoon, and the mother, sister and brother-in-law in my hometown should be preparing for the New Year's Eve dinner.The estimated departure time of the last flight is seven o'clock, and the flight time is about one hour.It takes only half an hour to travel from Zhubei Airport in my hometown to Haremachi where my home is located, and one hour if the side road is congested, a total of two hours.Before nine o'clock tonight, I will be able to reunite with my family.

Let's have something to eat... I thought about it, and was about to go to the restaurant street, but suddenly stopped in front of the telephone booth.In this era of rapid mobile phone penetration, I have become a minority.I took out the phone card issued on the 100th anniversary of the university, checked the remaining number of uses, and dialed the number of my hometown. "Hello." I immediately recognized it was my sister's voice, "This is Yongguang's house." "Ah, it's me." "Shadow Two?" "Well, I'm in Haneda now, and I'm going to leave in two hours. If there's no accident, I can get there before nine o'clock."

"You don't need to go to the airport so early." My sister deliberately sneered, "You are already forty, and you are still the same." Since I was a child, whether I took a bus or a tram, I always arrived at the waiting place an hour or two before departure.Family and friends who knew this would always make fun of me, but the habit has not changed until now.The same is true when you meet someone, and you will arrive half an hour before the appointed time at the latest.Therefore, almost everyone judges me to be short-tempered.And I think the truth is probably just the opposite.I just hate the panic that comes with being pressed for time.

If you want to do things at your own pace slowly and leisurely, without causing trouble to those around you, you have to take the initiative to stand in the position of waiting for others.In addition, my natural personality is like this, even if I don't do anything, I won't feel uncomfortable if I just stare blankly. This is not haste, it is clearly dull. When I go to work in the morning, I have to get up three hours earlier, because it takes an hour to make breakfast.In fact, as long as I want to, I can indeed shorten the time, but I don't intend to.On the one hand, I hate the feeling of being busy; on the other hand, it is more in line with my personality to slowly cook and clean up the kitchen while immersed in various fantasies.

This kind of slow-moving personality is the main reason why I failed to inherit the family business, and I'm afraid it's also one of the reasons why I'm still unmarried.Therefore, since I was a student for more than 20 years, I have been cooking by myself, and I have never cut my hand by a kitchen knife.It's a little thing I'm proud of, too. "It's nice to be at the airport early, but you sometimes forget things." "It's okay, I'm wearing a sweater." My sister asked back: "Sweater?" Why did you mention sweater at this time?Even I am a little confused.

"It's that sweater. My sister used to knit it. It was always kept in the bottom of the box in my hometown. I brought it back when I went home last year, and I'm wearing it now." The atmosphere on the other end of the phone seemed to change, which immediately made me a little uneasy. "By the way, how is brother-in-law?" Although I also feel that this topic is meaningless, I still ask this question.Without some kind words, I don't know why I'm making this call. "How...he is here." My sister's wry smile seemed to appear in front of my eyes.

"It's tonight after all." "Where's mother?" "Well, that's it." I just felt that my sister was a bit vague, and she immediately began to talk endlessly, "It should be said that it is similar to before, but it is obviously old, and it is often impossible to come to the store at the age of sixty-three. Sigh , this can't be helped. Her complaints have increased, and she often repeats things like "fortunately she gave birth to a girl" and "the boy can't be kept, and he can't help the family at all". I once complained, 'I was born to a girl like you who committed crimes, and I was blamed by your father. It's so hard, just die'."

Probably because she didn't want her family to hear her, her sister's voice suddenly became very low. She continued: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I seem to be talking nonsense. Be careful on the way back. Ah, and, that... Ying Er..." "Ok?" "Do you remember Yuezhen?" "Yuezhen?" The unfamiliar pronunciation made me feel at a loss.I tried to recall, but couldn't figure it out, "Forgot, who is it?" "Yuezhen Ji Lizi, didn't you even tell me? Didn't I not go home after graduating from college? Of course I didn't plan to go back, but my mother would call from time to time to ask this and that. I felt annoying, so I kept it from you I moved out from the girls' dormitory at the university. Uh...it seems to be called "Malongzhuang". The senior sister at the university was newly married at the time and just moved in. After I heard about it, I asked her to introduce me in. Yuezhen was a frequent visitor to me at that time. The girl in the room."

"That person is..." I felt that my sister's explanation was oblique, but I couldn't help but choose my words carefully, "That is to say, she belongs to my sister..." "Well, you know. She was a part-time tutor when I was studying." "I probably don't know about that person, and it's the first time I've heard of his name. However, regarding my sister's disappearance after you moved without telling everyone, I overheard the conversation between my parents. In fact, I overheard of." "It seems that parents are trying to hide it from you." "You mean 'disappeared'? Possibly. Still, I know anyway." "You were still a high school student at that time, and they didn't want their son to worry. So that's the case. I thought I only told Yinger you, but they never mentioned her to you." "What happened to that man named Yuezhen?" "Of course we haven't seen each other at all now. She...seems to be living in Tokyo. I heard that she seems to be a writer." "writer?" "Well, I really want to read her works, but I can't find books here. The small bookstores in the country probably won't carry her books. If it's convenient, can you help me buy one of her books? Any book will do." .” "Tell me about this sooner!" For some reason, I was a little anxious, and even had the urge to beat my chest.I haven't heard my sister say what book she wants to read for a long time. When I was young, my sister liked books very much.The figure of her holding a library and wearing a sailor suit is still unforgettable to me.Influenced by her, I fell in love with reading, and then I did my current job.Unexpectedly, my sister herself is far away from the literary world.I usually cannot observe her all the time because I live separately.She seemed too busy taking care of her mother and housekeeping, and occasionally called or wrote me, and it had nothing to do with the "I read this book" or "That author is interesting" kind of topic. Even if the book she was talking about might be the work of an ex-lover, if she asked to read it, I would do anything to help her get it.Oh, if only I had been told before I came to Haneda... "Is there a bookstore in the airport?" "Yes, but I don't know if I can find her book." "Nevermind." "What's the pseudonym?" "It seems like she's writing under her real name." "Wait a minute." I took the notepad with the plane ticket out of the bag.It was the 2001 edition, full of university meetings and schedules from March to the end of the year. I took out the consolation prize ballpoint pen I got when playing bingo at the year-end meeting of university teachers a few days ago. ① A card game.The cards used are usually 5 rows and 5 columns, corresponding to the 5 letters B, I, N, G, O.The player draws the "BINGO" pattern according to the call number. The pen body of this pen is thicker than ordinary pens. This is the first time I have seen this brand new design.As I listened, I wrote down every word she said in a notepad. "Yuezhen, uh... Ji Lizi, you can use this name to find it." "Well. You are really unreliable. Fortunately, you have become a professor of the Department of Literature." "I just became an associate professor. And I'm not very familiar with young writers. What kind of books are she?" "I don't know, it doesn't matter if you can't find it, really. Shadow Two... Be careful on the way, and get home safely." Maybe my sister didn't mean that, but her tone sounded like she wanted to say goodbye forever.Finally, I blurted out: "Well, thank you. Miho, please take care of your health. Well, goodbye." It was more solemn than usual, which could be called an inappropriate tone.Since when did I develop the habit of talking to my sister in such a way? By the way, now that I think about it, it probably started after my sister got married. Twenty-three years ago, my sister was twenty-two and I was seventeen.In the spring of that year, my sister graduated from the local national university and moved out of the female dormitory where she had been living without telling her parents, as if she wanted to cut off contact with her family.But in the summer of the same year, his father died on the coast of his hometown, and was widely reported by the local media as a homicide.Undoubtedly, the elder sister was devastated. With no news, she suddenly returned home and acted as the chief mourner for her sick mother at the funeral. My sister married Jinmen Jiaren two years later.The man was his father's persuasion—it should be said semi-forced—marriage partner during his lifetime.It is clear that the older sister presumably harbors so-called guilt over her father's death. This is the first time I've heard of the name Yuezhen Jilizi.However, no matter how my sister tries to hide it from her parents, I have long been vaguely aware that she only loves the same sex.I can well imagine marriage to a man being absolutely reluctance for her.She and Yuezhen Jilizi began to distance themselves, probably because of their marriage. I started living in Tokyo after entering university.Later, in order to attend my sister's engagement banquet and wedding, I went back to my hometown.In the twenty-one years since then, yes, that's the dividing line, the tone of my voice when I speak to my sister has become more and more outlandish.It was pretty casual before...why did it become like this? Twenty-three years after his father's death, the prisoner is still at large.The statute of limitations was established, and the unsolved mysteries that once caused a lot of trouble in the city were completely weathered. Who is the criminal?How did the prisoner drag his father to the coast without leaving a trace?These questions seem irrelevant to me.I haven't cared much about it since then.I also feel that I am too cold, but it has nothing to do with the fact that he... is not my father but my uncle.It shouldn't matter... In my impression, my father was just a person who made my sister suffer unceasingly both in life and after death.That's the real reason for my indifference to him. I hung up the phone, put the phone card that can still be used a few times into my wallet, and went to a few bookstores in the airport. Surprisingly, it was easy to find the library copy I was looking for in the literature and art book counter.The cover is a colored pencil sketch titled "Fennel Fruit Wine" written by Tsukijin Ji Lizi.The girdle is marked "new work", and when I open the epilogue, it says "this work was published by Dongxin Study in November 1994".It seems that since the release of the original book, it has been six years since this volume of the library was released. I checked my wallet and there were only 10,000 yen bills.There were six 500-yen coins in the coin purse.This coin is a newer version and gets a lot of bad reviews because it doesn't work in vending machines.I paid with two of them and put the receipt in my wallet. There is a recent black and white photo of the author on the front of the cover of the library.In the photo, she has short neck-length hair and an oval face. At first glance, it is difficult to tell whether she is stern or smiling.There is an elusive and unique temperament floating around her, it is hard to tell whether it is indifference or mystery.She is obviously a beauty, but she doesn't want to be judged like this, so she deliberately wraps herself in an invisible veil.The impression is roughly the same. This is my sister's ex-lover. Thinking about it, I feel a little complicated... I looked at the author's resume and was surprised—the birth year was 1963, three years younger than me.The "disappearance" mentioned above was exactly when my sister was twenty-two years old, that is, in 1977.After all, Yuezhen Ji Lizi was only a fourteen-year-old girl at that time. Twenty-two and fourteen years old are certainly not an unbelievable combination.But this kind of age difference is rare even among male and female couples.No, the age difference itself was only eight years old, so it really wasn't a big deal.The problem was that one of them was only fourteen years old, and it was more of a juvenile than a young one.I can't get rid of the incongruity in my heart. What confuses me even more is the introduction on the back cover - the female high school student who is the protagonist and the female college student who is a tutor are in a forbidden love.It is easy to think of the past that my sister just mentioned, and even make people guess that this is a private novel①. ① A unique style of writing that appeared during the Taisho period (1912-1925) in Japan. It generally refers to novels in which the author breaks away from the background of the times and social life, and describes the trivial matters and psychological activities around the individual in isolation. After checking my belongings, I walked into the boarding gate where the flight lounge is located, and went to the store to buy food. I planned to use up the change I saved, but I was caught by the unique temperament of Yuezhen Ji Lizi. Heart, absent-mindedly handed out a 10,000-yen note. I try to read "The Wine of the Fennel Fruit" while stuffing a sandwich into my mouth.The protagonist, Atsuko Kikyo, is a female high school student who falls in love with Fumi Otsuka, a female college student who comes to be a tutor.Atsuko's sex objects can be both male and female, which is the so-called bisexuality.Convinced that Fumi has good intentions for her, Atsuko seduces her. If only the setting of a 14-year-old girl convincing a 22-year-old adult woman is taken out, it would indeed be a bit abrupt.Since the author described the straightforward and temperamental personality of the protagonist Atsuko so thoroughly, people naturally accepted this setting. The two finally got together, and Fumi went to Tokyo with Atsuko while she was entering a university in Tokyo.After Dunzi graduated from university, the two decided to abandon their hometown and spend the rest of their lives together as companions. The story just unfolded flatly, without any turbulent plot.In the relationship between the two that is regarded as taboo love in the eyes of ordinary people, there is no ups and downs that can be called obstacles.The only ups and downs in the story are the part where Fumi announces her sexual orientation to her family and confronts her rigid and strict father, which is obviously based on her sister's situation.The narrator of the story, Atsuko, did not witness this scene with her own eyes, but heard about it from Fumi afterwards, and handled it extremely simply. What fascinated me the most in the book was Atsuko and Fumi's preparation for cohabitation.Same-sex couples cannot enter into a marriage relationship. Even if they want to obtain part of the other party's inheritance, same-sex couples do not have any legal protection of rights and are completely regarded as strangers.Significant joint property between the two ends up going to the family, not the partner.so what should I do now?Although there is a way to adopt a child, the two chose another way, which is to make a notarial certificate of cohabitation. Notary deeds are often used even in cohabiting relationships.In short, a notarization certificate is a contract document such as a contract, a will, etc. that the notary of the notary office notarizes or authenticates according to the requirements of the parties.Based on this, the two parties decide how to calculate the living expenses when living together, how to share housework, how to deal with the joint property if the partner is critically ill or dies; how to deal with the custody rights if there are adopted children or children of the ex-husband; Conditions—such matters are all decided by themselves, or have to be decided by themselves. The two do not rely on the established marriage system and decide everything by themselves. It is at this point that Atsuko and Fumi see value.In order to make the notarial certificate, they discussed with the lawyer and consulted with each other.This is the most brilliant place of "Wine of Fennel Fruit".As I said earlier, the love between Atsuko and Fumi is not an obstacle in itself.Whether it is a man or a woman, there are no characters who can be called villains in a sense who are jealous of their relationship or plan to hinder them.On the contrary, the moment the two decided that each other would be their life partner, the story ushered in a major twist. In the process of making notarial certificates, the differences in thinking between the two parties gradually emerged.The two sometimes disagreed and even quarreled.Atsuko is bisexual, and Fumi is a lesbian who absolutely cannot treat men as sex objects.Differences in sexual orientation, which I usually don't mind at all, sometimes turn into a spark of dispute because of a trivial matter.The two have repeatedly realized that their relationship with each other has come to an end.If it was an ordinary marriage, they might have divorced in a fit of anger, but the two women who were both tried repeatedly until the contract was established.More than half the story is devoted to various failed attempts. After the notarial certificate is made, "Wine of Fennel Fruit" is over.The inner description up to this ending can be described as incisive and vivid.In all fairness, the ending can hardly be called a happy ending, and it is precisely because of so many ups and downs that people have fully believed that the love between the two is unshakable. The aftertaste of the novel is quite good. The book is not very thick, and the language has been carefully considered. It is a quick read, and I finished it in about an hour and a half.At first I thought it was a private novel, but now it seems that is not the case. The prototype of Uratsuka Fumi is indeed her sister Miho, there is no doubt about it.There is a passage in the novel: Fumi's father runs a small restaurant, and he tries his best to marry the young chef who works there to Fumi so that he can have successors.That's exactly what happened. However, the elder sister did not go to Tokyo like Fumi, and even severed ties with her family in order to follow the woman she loved deeply, because Fumi's father was not killed in "The Wine of Fennel Fruit".My sister just said that she and Yuezhen Ji Lizi have not met so far, so their relationship should have ended around the time she and her brother-in-law got married.From this point of view, it should be more appropriate to interpret this novel as a vivid description of the author's own wishes.No matter how difficult it is, I want to be with my sister forever like in the book. etc!I suddenly re-evaluated my thoughts.Yuezhen Ji Lizi is now thirty-seven years old. After that incident, there is a high possibility that she will fall in love with a woman or man other than her sister.She might have done a notarial certificate in order to live with the other party, as written in the book.If the content in the book is the actual experience of the author himself, the fact that the description is very realistic and powerful makes sense.Perhaps the character of Ozuka Fumi may have multiple prototypes besides her sister. A headache arose: Should I give this copy of "The Wine of the Fennel Fruit" to my sister when I go home?The character of Fumi Ozuka... at least the first half is based on herself, and my sister can easily guess it.It would be fine if she was willing to accept and be positive, but I'm not sure about that. Judging from the author's resume, Yuezhen Ji Lizi made her debut as a writer in 1987, when she was twenty-four years old.In addition to "The Wine of the Fennel Fruit", she seems to have more than a dozen works.According to the commentary at the end of the volume, her works have always been lesbian-themed, and there may be some novels that are not based on her sister.It's a pity that the book counters of any store in the waiting room are pitifully small, and it is impossible to find other works by Yuezhen Ji Lizi. There is no way, I will keep the fact that I read this book earlier as a secret, or give "The Wine of Fennel Fruit" to my sister. I moved to a seat near the gate.The night is shrouded in Haneda Airport, which will usher in the 21st century in more than five hours. The huge glass windows in the waiting room take the night as the background, reflecting the appearance of everyone in the waiting crowd like a mirror.Among them is me. That's the face I'm used to seeing, not a sense of déjà vu. I look at familiar everyday objects. As it should be. However, this face... Where have you seen it before. why…… The strange feeling just now struck again.Small things that are usually quickly forgotten, but tonight I am very concerned about them. Suddenly, a voice came from my ear: "So, you'll be fine." I looked over my shoulder quietly.There were two old women in the seat behind talking, their voices were full of emotion. "Girls are willing to support the elderly. My family is a boy, so it is unreliable." "Why? Don't you live with your son and daughter-in-law?" "No, no, absolutely no. The daughter-in-law actually said that if she has to support the elderly, she will move out." "oops……" "My son is worthless. Instead of teaching her a lesson, he even helps her." "unacceptable." "That is to say, I don't even know why I have children." Even reluctantly, I still think of what my sister said on the phone just now.Every now and then, my mother would complain that she was lucky enough to give birth to a girl who was willing to provide for the elderly, that is, my sister.On the other hand, my mother kept it from my sister and stubbornly lectured me whenever she saw me.Get married early, have children early, and regret if you don't give birth sooner, and so on. "You and Meibao are fine now, but when you think about it, when you get older, you will become confused and your body won't control you, it will be too late. At that time, only your relatives will be the only ones you can rely on. So get married early, and you can't delay even a moment. It’s good to be with a young and healthy girl. There are many in the university, just find one. Why on earth did you become a teacher. Hurry up and get married, have children, and have more than two children, one for Miho and Jiaren as adopted children .If you don’t plan for the future, you will definitely regret it! It will be too late when you experience what I said for yourself.” I have a hunch that my mother will also catch me when I get home tonight.It's so annoying, every year I use the excuse of being busy at work to delay the schedule of going home until New Year's Eve, just because I am tired of my mother's preaching. "Children are a gift from God, they are not born to be your own nanny." I am too lazy to refute like this solemnly. "Me too." The complaints of the two old people continued, "Even if it is a girl, it may not be possible to keep it." "No such thing." "It's hard to say. Anyway, don't count on children. By the way, have you heard..." "what?" "Isn't Japan going to enter an aging society in the future? There will be more elderly people than children. Even if they want to find someone to take care of themselves, many people can't find them." "You have to pay for this, buy pension insurance or something." "Let's not talk about that. I heard that more and more people choose to spend the rest of their lives with their close friends." "With friends?" "Well, there was a TV show that said it before." "Do you take care of each other?" "Simply put, that's it." "Well... that seems quite reasonable. However, it's always a bit lonely when all the elderly live together, don't you think?" "Really? I think it's pretty good. At least it's more reliable than children." The topic was generally not pleasant, but fortunately, I finally came up with a positive opinion, and I was relieved. Just then—"That..." A woman greeted me. The other party has straight and long chestnut hair, Guazi's face is wearing glasses, and she is wearing shorts that match her temperament. She seems to be in her twenties. Behind her was a small woman in her twenties with curly chestnut hair, dressed in a girly dress. Could it be a student who took my class?I have no impression of the timid smiles of the two.Just when I was confused, a girl wearing glasses handed over a silver digital camera. "Excuse me, can you press the shutter for me?" "Ah, okay, okay." I stood up, took a picture of them arm in arm intimately at the boarding gate, and then handed the camera back to them, "Here." "Thank you very much." They leave this sentence and leave. "You don't need to pick this place specifically for shooting, do you?" Their joyful conversation faded away behind me. "Because today is a special day." "Yeah, sure. But you really surprised me." "Uh, what's the matter?" "Xiaomeng actually dares to talk to a man." "Ah, speaking of it, before I knew it..." special day... Speaking of which, they seem to have something good.Then, I quickly realized a very simple fact. What, today is the last day of the twentieth century.