Chapter 14 Chapter 12 Song of Mourning

I procrastinated and refused to go home, and it was only for so long.I try to motivate myself with the Burdock Bistro - the only thing that makes me want to go back to Liberty - but even the best smoked cod and chips has its limits.Like most undercover agents, I'm not good at being scared.I've had a face-to-face encounter with a monster who just wanted to tear me apart and shove me neatly into the nearest concrete floor without breaking a sweat.Coming home, however, scared the crap out of me.I reminded myself of the words that convinced Kid Stephen.Using this as an undercover operation, Detective Hero Franco goes straight to the tiger's den for his most daring mission.

My house has completely changed.The house was unlocked, and as soon as I stepped onto the front porch, I was struck by the waves rushing down the stairs: heat, noise, cloves and hot whiskey, all pouring out the open door of my house.The heating in the living room was fully turned on, and it was crowded with people, crying tears, hugging hugs, head to head, tasting the horror together. Neighbors drop by with six-packs of beer, babies or instant sandwiches wrapped in plastic wrap, and even the Dalys come along.Mr. Daly had a tense face, and Mrs. Daly looked like a happy baby with a full battery.

However, death trumps everything.I automatically searched for Dad immediately, but he and Shay and a few guys were in the men's section of the kitchen, smoking, drinking, and chatting.He looks fine.There is a sacred heart on the table, surrounded by flowers, condolence cards and electric candles, and there are a few photos of Kevin in the middle: the baby Kevin who is as fat as a red sausage; Wen, and Kevin, pictured on the beach with a group of tanned guys yelling with brightly colored cocktails in hand. "You're here," my mother said to me angrily, elbowing someone away.She was all in a jaw-dropping shade of lavender, clearly her best outfit.She has been crying badly since the afternoon.

"Are you really leisurely and leisurely?" "I've been back as soon as possible, are you okay?" The feeling of her hands grabbing the slack of my arm like lobster claws was all too familiar. "Young man, come here. Your colleague, the guy with the protruding jaw, said that Kevin fell out of the window and died." Mother obviously regarded this incident as a great shame.Mom, you never know what's going to mess with her. "It seems so, hmm." "I've never heard such idiotic nonsense. Your friend is talking through his asshole. You go to him and tell him that our Kevin is not a goddamn mentally retarded, how did he fall out of the window?"

The ball king thought he was doing an old friend a favor by calling the suicide an accident.I said, "I will definitely pass it on for you." "I don't want people to think that I gave birth to a fool who can't even walk. You call him now and tell him. Where's your cell phone?" "Mom, it's not working time. If I call to quarrel with him, it will only make him rebound. I will call tomorrow morning, how about it?" "You don't know how to fight, you just talk and try to shut me up. I know what you are, Franco Mackey. You're a big liar, always thinking you're smarter than everyone else Humph, let me tell you, I'm your mother, you can't beat me by being smarter. You call that guy now, and I want to see you fight with my own eyes."

I tried to let go of my arm, but instead she held it tighter. "Are you afraid of your friend, aren't you? If you don't have the guts, give me the phone and I'll call him myself. Come on, bring it here." I asked, "Tell him what?" This sentence was wrong: Mom's madness index was already drifting fast enough before I even had the wind to ignite. "I'm just curious what you were thinking? If Kevin didn't fall out of the window, how did he die?" "You don't want to kill me," my mother was furious. "Of course he got hit by a car. Some fucker got drunk at a Christmas party, drove home and knocked Kevin over, and ended up--are you listening to me--instead of standing up like a man, instead Drag poor Kevin to the backyard and hope no one finds out."

I've only been with her for sixty seconds and I'm starting to get dizzy, even though, ultimately, I agree with her more or less about Kevin's death. "Mom, that's not the case. None of the injuries on his body match the characteristics of the car accident." "Then move Your Majesty quickly and find out how he died! This is your job, your job with that bumbling colleague of yours, not mine. How do I know what's going on? I look like a detective ?" I caught a glimpse of Jackie coming out with a tray of sandwiches, our eyes met, and I signaled a brother-sister emergency, and she immediately pushed the tray to a young guy next to me, pushing through the crowd toward us.Mom still scolded endlessly ("It doesn't match, you have the nerve to say, who do you think you are...").But Jackie grabbed my arm and whispered to us quickly, "Come on, I promise Aunt Concepta that I will take him to her as soon as Franco arrives. If it takes too long, she will go crazy. We'd better hurry over there."

Well done: Aunt Concepta is Mom's aunt, a master of Psychic Brawlers, and the only one who can hold Mom back.My mother snorted, let go of her sting hand and glared at me, telling me that the debt was not over yet.Jackie and I took a deep breath, then weaved into the crowd. That was the weirdest night in my life.Jackie took me around the house, introduced me to my nephews and nieces, Kevin's ex-girlfriends (Linda Doyle gave me a D-cup hug after crying), my old friend's family, There are also four Chinese students living in the basement.The four guys huddled in the corner with their heads full of confusion, with the Guinness in their hands intact, trying to treat everything in front of them as a lesson in foreign culture.

A guy named Weiser shook my hand for a good five minutes, reminiscing about how he and Kevin got caught stealing comic books.Gavin punched me clumsily on the arm, expressing his condolences sincerely.Carmel's kids stared at me and didn't move their blue eyes until Donna, the third (everyone said she was funny) burst into tears. This is still easy to deal with.Almost all the faces I have seen since I was a child are all here: the opponents who fought when I was young, the neighbors who went to school together, the woman who I stained the floor and beat my calf, and gave me money to buy a few sticks for them in the store The man who smokes, and the man who reminds me of Franco Mackey when he sees me-walking on the street all day long, being suspended from school for talking badly, wait and see, he will be like his father in the future.None of them were what they used to be, like the work of an Oscar stylist: double chins, beer bellies, and receding hairlines, superimposed ugly on faces I knew.Jackie pointed at them and whispered their names in my ear.She thought I didn't even remember.

Chippy Horn slapped me on the back and said I owed him five quid: he really fucked Moira Carey, only he had to marry her first.Linda Doyle's mother insisted that I try her special egg sandwich.Occasionally there are strange looks from the room, but overall, the Loyalty has decided to welcome me back with open arms. What I did last weekend worked, and bereavement always works, especially in such a dramatic way.It was a miracle that one of the Harrison sisters had shrunk to the size of Holly but was still alive.She grabbed my sleeves, stood on tiptoes, pumped her weak lungs vigorously, and said that I was too handsome.

I managed to get away from everyone, took a cold can of beer to an inconspicuous corner, and felt as though I had undergone a surreal psychological torture designed to confuse me beyond recovery.I leaned against the wall, with the beer can against my neck, trying to avoid the eyes of everyone. The atmosphere in the room began to rise, and the wake was like that.We've had enough of the pain and need a break so we can grieve again.The conversation got louder, and more people poured into the room, and the guys next to me suddenly burst out laughing: "The bus just started, right, Xiao Kai poked his head out of the upper window with a traffic cone, and pointed at the policeman. Roaring: 'Kneel down quickly when you see God!'..." Someone pulled away the coffee table to clear a small space in front of the fireplace, another encouraged Sally, and Horn sang, but she declined politely, but after thinking about it, I knew that as long as someone gave her a sip of whiskey to moisten her throat, the final result would be : "Three pretty girls, from Tsimaki." Half the people in the room immediately chorused: "From Tsimaki..." When I was a kid, it was like this at every party, and me, Rosie, Mandy, and Gal would hide under the table so they wouldn't be called into somebody's bedroom to play with the other kids.Today, Gale is so green that he can use my razor to shave his head. I looked around the room and thought someone was here.He can't miss it, it's so obvious, and this guy is very, very good at controlling his emotions and blending in with his environment.Someone in this room drank our wine, sucked up sentimental memories, and hummed along with Sally. Xiaokai's friends were still laughing, two of them gasping for breath: "...it's just that we laughed for ten minutes or so before we stopped, right? And then, we remember running like hell and seeing the first A bus just hops on and doesn't know where it's going..." "Whenever there is a conflict, I am the toughest..." Even my mother, sandwiched between Aunt Concepta and her scary friend Yasupta on the sofa, sang along: red eyes, blowing nose lightly, but still held high The wine glass is like a soldier holding his chin proudly.The child was dressed neatly, holding a chocolate biscuit in his hand, and ran around the adult's knee, laughing and joking, sneaking a glance at the adult from time to time, lest someone would think it was too late.They are all ready to hide under the table at any time. "So, we got off the bus and figured it was going to be in the Rutmins area, the party was in Crumlin, we couldn't make it. So Kay said, 'Guys, it's Friday night and there are students around here, it must be There will be a party...'" The temperature in the room is getting higher and higher, and the smell is strong, spicy and familiar.Hot whiskey, cigarettes, special occasion perfume and sweat.When the lyrics sang a paragraph, Sally lifted her skirt and danced a few steps on the brick floor in front of the fireplace, her dancing posture was still light. "After drinking for three rounds, he started to go crazy...", those guys talked about the climax, "...and that night, Xiao Kai came home with the most beautiful chick in the bar!" Everyone laughed and yelled Calling again, picking up beer cans and bumping each other to commemorate Kevin's heroic deeds back then. Anyone who works undercover knows that the most stupid thing is to think that he is in the same group as everyone else.However, parties like this were in my life long before I learned this truth.I started humming along: "Crazy..." Sally glanced here, and I lifted the beer can slightly, winking at her in approval. She blinked, then turned her eyes away and continued singing, half a beat faster than before: "But he is tall and straight, dark and romantic, I just love him, I don't care..." As far as I know, the Horn family and I have never been on bad terms.Before I could react, Carmel was already on my shoulder. "You know what?" she said, "it feels so good, really, I want to say goodbye like this when I die." She was holding what looked like an ice bucket or something scary, and she was drinking just the right amount of alcohol to give her a dreamy yet determined look on her face. "These people," she pointed at them with her glass, "these people care about Kai in our family, and I tell you, I don't blame them, because he is really cute, I say Kevin, everyone loves .” I said, "He's always been a sweetheart." "And he's good looking, Franco. I really hope you get to know him well. My kids love him." She gave me a quick look, and I thought she was about to say something, but she restrained herself just in time.I said, "I think so." "Darren ran away once - just once, when he was fourteen -. Needless to say, I wasn't worried at all, I knew right away that he was looking for Kevin. Darren was just confused. He said Kevin The only one of us who isn't crazy, and has no reason to stay in this house now." Darren nestled in the corner of the room, pulling the sleeves of a big black sweater, and putting on a professional face. It seemed extremely pitiful, and he completely forgot that he should feel ashamed to appear here.I said, "He's eighteen years old now, his head is in a mess and he can't be of much use. Don't worry about him." "Well, I know he's anxious, but..." Carmel sighed. "You know what? Sometimes I think he's right." "So what? Crazy's a tradition in our family, baby, and he'll appreciate it when he's older." I tried to make her laugh, but she rubbed her nose and gave Darren a confused look. "Do you think I'm a bad guy, Franco?" I laughed out loud. "You? God, Mel, of course not. I haven't raided in a while, but unless you turn that nice apartment of yours into a whorehouse, you'll be fine. I've had a lot of bad guys over the years, trust me , you are still far behind." "Sounds scary," Carmel said.She half-believingly squinted her eyes and looked at the cup, as if she didn't know how the cup got into her hand. "I shouldn't say, really, I know I shouldn't. But you're my brother, aren't you? Isn't that what brothers and sisters are all about?" "Of course, so what? What did you do? Should I arrest you?" "Hey, fuck you, I didn't do anything, it's what I thought. Don't laugh at me when you hear that." "Absolutely not, I swear." Carmel gave me a skeptical look to make sure I wasn't joking, but then sighed and took a cautious sip of the wine—it smelled of artificially spiced peaches. "I'm jealous of him," she said, "Kevin, always have been." I didn't expect her to say this.I wait for her to continue. "I'm jealous of Jackie too, and I was even jealous of you before." I said: "I feel that you are very happy these days, am I wrong?" "No, oh, yes, you are right. I am very happy, and my life is very good." "What's there to be jealous about?" "Not this, but... Do you remember Rainey Walker, Franco? I dated him when I was a girl, before Trevor." "Vaintly remember that guy with a big face and scars?" "Oh come on, that poor guy just had acne and it went away, and I don't care about his skin at all, I'm just happy to have my first boyfriend. I'd love to take him home to show you off, but you I also know..." I said, "Yeah, I know." We never brought anyone home, even knowing that Dad was supposed to be working that day.We all know that we must not take it lightly. Carmel glanced around hurriedly to make sure no one was eavesdropping. "But," she said, "Rennie and I were cuddling one night on Smith Road when my dad ran into me walking home from the pub. Dad got mad and beat Rainey up. He punched Rainey to fuck off, then grabbed my arm and started slapping me, yelling - I don't want to repeat what he said - and dragging me all the way home. He warned me that if I did any more nasty things, Send me to the bad girls. Come on, Franco, we're just kissing, me and Rainey, I really don't know why." Even after so many years, she still flushes with anger when she thinks about it. "Anyway, we broke up like this. From then on, even if we met, Rainey didn't even look at me. It was too embarrassing. Of course, I don't blame him." As for Shay and my girlfriend, Dad's attitude was encouraging, if not helpful.When Rosie and I first started dating, before Matt Daly found out, I put pressure on her, and Dad's reaction was, "Little Daly girl, right? Well done, son, that chick really Cute." Wai Jia slapped me heavily on the back and smiled grinningly, making me grit my teeth. "Especially that butt, my dear. Tell me, have you touched it yet?" I said, "He's crazy, Mel, really, five-star." Carmel took a deep breath, patted his cheeks, and the blush on his face began to fade. "Well, look at my behavior, people must think I'm hot... I don't mean that I love Rainey very much. Maybe I would have broken up with him at the time because he kissed badly. But from that After that, it felt different. You don't remember, but I wasn't a good girl before that...I would talk back to Mom or Dad, really. But after that, I couldn't get rid of that A shade. Yeah, I've been talking about getting engaged with Trev for almost a year before doing that. He's already saving money for rings and stuff, but I just won't do it because I know I'll have to wait until we get engaged. . I was literally petrified that two families were in the same room." "I don't blame you," I said, regretting not being nicer to Trevor's gluttonous brother. "Shay is the same. He's not afraid, and it's not that Daddy will stop him from having girls, it's just..." Her eyes wandered to Shay, who was in the kitchen with a can of beer, his head on Linda Doyle's ear. "Do you remember that time - you must have been thirteen - when he passed out?" I said, "I'm trying not to remember." It was a funny one, Dad punched Mom for a reason I couldn't remember, and Shay grabbed my wrist.Dad didn't like it very much when his authority was challenged, and his way of expressing that was grabbing Shay by the throat and banging his head hard against the wall.Shay passed out, maybe for a minute, but it felt like an hour, and was cross-eyed all night.Mom won't allow us to take him to the hospital—don't know if she's worried about the doctor, the neighbors, or both, but she's just completely out of her mind.I watched Shay sleep one night, kept reassuring Kevin that Shay wouldn't die, and wondered what the hell I'd do if he did. "He was different after that, he was tough," Carmel said. "He wasn't a big marshmallow in the first place." "I know you guys never got along, but I swear to God, Shay is fine. I had a great conversation with him from time to time, and he was doing great in school... After that, he kept everything in his head. " As Sally sang the brilliant end—"We're going to live with my mom!"—the living room erupted in cheers and applause, and Carmel and I automatically followed suit.Shay looked up and glanced at the room, suddenly he looked like a patient coming out of a cancer ward, his face was ashen and tired, his dimples were deeply sunken, but he soon smiled again, listening to Linda Doyer's rambling. I said, "What does this have to do with Kevin?" Carmel sighed deeply, and gracefully took another sip of the artificially spiced peach wine.Her shoulders are slack, suggesting that she is about to enter a sentimental mood. "Because," she said, "that's why I'm jealous of him, Kevin and Jackie . Shay and I tried our best not to let that happen." "And I." She pondered for a moment. "Yeah," she admitted, "and you. But we're trying to protect you too, oh, really, Franco. I always believed you'd be okay, after all you had the guts to run away from home and Jackie was always talking to We say you're doing fine...I take that to mean you escaped before your head was destroyed." I said, "I'm close, but only a little bit." "I didn't know it was until last night in the bar, when you said those things. We did everything we could to protect you, Franco." I smiled down at her.Her forehead was wrinkled with anxiety, the wrinkle of worrying all her life about whether the people around her were okay. "I know you have, darling, and there's no way anyone could have done it better." "So you can see why I'm jealous of Kevin? Him and Jackie, they're happy when they're happy. I was like that when I was a kid. I don't wish anything bad happened to them, I just look at him and wish I were like him. " I said softly, "I don't think that makes you a bad person, Mel. You're not taking it out on Kevin, you've never hurt him in your life, you've always tried to make sure he's okay, you're a Good sister." "But I still committed a crime," Carmel said.She looked sadly at the living room, her high-heeled body swaying slightly. "The sin of jealousy, the mere thought is a crime, you should know. 'Father, please forgive my sin, in my heart and words, in what I have done and what I have not been able to do...' Now Kevin is dead How should I confess to God? My life is dishonored." I put my arms around her and pressed her shoulder lightly, feeling that she was so soft and relaxing. "Listen baby, I can assure you 100% that you will never go to hell because you are jealous of your siblings. If you do, it's the opposite and God will give you more points for trying so hard to get over what you feel inside, Understand?" Carmel instinctively replied, "I think you're right." Like she was trying to please Trevor, but her tone was not very sure.I suddenly had a feeling, not very clear, that I had let her down.At this moment, she sat up straight suddenly, leaving me behind. "My God, did Louise have a can of beer in her hand? Louise, come here!" Louise opened his eyes wide, disappeared into the crowd like lightning, and Carmel chased after him. I stood against the same corner, and the commotion began again in the room.Holly, Tommy, and Murphy sang "The Rare Old Time". His voice used to have the sweetness of peat smoke and honey. Although it has been worn down by the years, it is still mesmerizing.The women toasted and shook side by side, the children leaned against their parents' legs, sucking their thumbs and listening quietly, and even Kevin's friends lowered their voices. Holly Tommy closed his eyes and turned his head to the ceiling. "Heroes grow up in songs and stories, telling the legend and glory of Dublin..." Nora leaned against the window to listen, which almost made my heart stop.She looked like Rosie, dark and motionless as her shadow, with sad, yet distant eyes. I immediately looked away from her.At this time, I caught a glimpse of Mandy's mother, Mrs. Cullen, standing beside the "Jesus and Kevin mourning hall", chatting enthusiastically with Veronica Clody, who was still coughing.Mrs. Cullen and I got on well when I was young.She likes to laugh, and I can always make her laugh.But when I looked at her and smiled at her now, she was startled as if she had been bitten by something, grabbed Veronica's elbow and began to whisper in her ear, sneaking glances at her from time to time. I take a few glances.The Cullens are never good at hiding, and I began to wonder why Jackie didn't take me to greet them when I arrived. I went to find Julie Nolan's brother Dece, who was also my former best friend, and he was inexplicably missing from the hello tour that Jackie took me just now.The moment he saw me, the expression on his face was really worth the price of admission, but unfortunately I was not in the mood to appreciate it.He pointed to a can of beer that he obviously hadn't finished, and muttered something indiscriminately, then hid in the kitchen. I found Jackie in the corner, and Uncle Bertie was whispering to her.I pretended to be so sad that I was about to collapse, released her from Uncle Bodi's sweaty hands, took her to the bedroom and closed the door.The bedroom was painted peach, and every vacant surface was filled with ceramic bric-a-brac, showing my mother's lack of foresight.The room smelled of cough syrup and something else, supposed to be medicine, and it was very strong. Jackie collapsed on the bed. "Huh," she raised her hand and said with a long breath, "thank you, God, I know you shouldn't speak ill of people behind their backs, but has he never taken a bath since he was born?" "Jackie," I said, "what's going on?" "What's going on?" "Half the people in the room don't talk to me, don't even look at me, but when I'm not looking at them, they all have a lot to say, what's going on?" Jieqi exuded an innocent and sly expression, like a child who was caught stealing chocolate. "You've been gone for so long, that's why. They haven't seen you in twenty years, and it's just a little awkward." "Liar, is it because I am a policeman now?" "Oh, no, maybe a little bit, but... can't you let it go, Franco? Why don't you think maybe you're paranoid?" I said, "I need to know what's going on, Jackie, don't fool me." "God, take it easy, I'm not a suspect," she said, shaking the cider can in her hand. "Did you know you still have this in the house?" I handed her the Guinness - I barely touched it. "Okay, come on," I said. Jieqi sighed, turned the beer can with both hands and said: "You also know this place, the Land of Loyalty, as long as there is a chance to gossip..." "They'll swarm like vultures, but how can I become their big meal today?" She shrugged uncomfortably. "Rosie was killed the night you left, Kevin was killed two days after you came back, and you told the Dalys not to call the police, some people..." She didn't go on.I said, "Tell me you were kidding, Jackie, and tell me the Land of Allegiances didn't say I killed Rosie and Kevin." "Not all of them, just some of them. I think—Franco, listen to me—I don't think they believe it themselves, they say it for effect—why you're leaving, you're going to be a cop, whatever. Don't Take care of them, they just like to add fuel to the cake, that's all." I suddenly realized that I was still holding on to Jackie's empty wine can, and it was squeezed out of shape.I'm not surprised that Qiu, Wang or other handsome guys in the crime team think so, even if someone in the undercover team suspects me, it doesn't matter, but I'm surprised that people in my hometown think so too. Jackie looked at me nervously. "You know what I mean? Besides, the guy who might hurt Roxie should be a local, and you don't want to think—" I said, "I'm from here too." silence.Jackie reached out to touch my arm, but I pushed it away.There was not enough light in the room, and there were too many shadows in the corners, which made it feel aggressive.Everyone in the living room broke their voices and sang along with Holly Tommy: "Life makes me suffer, gargling makes me dizzy, Dublin keeps changing, everything seems to change..." I said, "They accused me in your face and you let them in?" "Don't be stupid," Jackie said angrily, "They didn't tell me a word, do you think they dared? If they did, I would chop them into pieces. They were just hinting. Mrs. Nolan told Carmel that you Impulsive, Sally Horn told Mum you were always hot-tempered, and she remembered you punching Chippy on the nose." "That's because he bullied Kevin. Shit, I beat Chippy. We were ten years old, come on." "I know. Leave them alone, Franco, don't let them have their way. They're fools, they can't get enough of it. This is where loyalty is." "Yes," I said, "this is the place of loyalty." More and more people outside the room chanted, more and more voices, and some even chorused: "Bell, ring, ring, the lights are going out, I still remember the old Dublin…” I leaned back against the wall, covering my face with my hands, while Jackie sipped my Guinness and gave me sideways glances.Later, she tentatively asked, "Let's go out, shall we?" I said, "Did you ask Kevin what he wanted to say to me?" Jackie's face fell. "Oh, Franco, I'm sorry—I was going to ask, but you said—" "I know." "He still didn't contact you in the end?" "Yes," I said, "no." Another short silence.Jackie said again, "I'm sorry, Franco." "this is not your fault." "Someone else must be looking for us." "I know. One more minute and we're out." Jackie handed me the beer can. "Fuck you, I need something better." There's a loose piece of floorboard under the windowsill where Shay and I used to hide our cigarettes from Kevin.Of course, Dad knew it too.I reached in, pulled out a half-full bottle of vodka, and handed it to Jackie after a swig. "My God," she said, looking genuinely startled, "but why not?" She took the bottle, took a ladylike sip, and wiped her lipstick. "Okay," I said, taking another gulp and putting the wine back into the little hole where it was originally hidden. "You can go out and face the mob." At this time, the voice outside the bedroom suddenly changed.Soon the singing stopped, the conversation died away, a man said something in a low voice, a chair rattled against the wall, and my mother started screaming like a banshee and a car siren. Dad and Matt Daly met, chin to chin, standing in the middle of the living room.Mom's lavender dress got splashed all over her body, but she kept talking ("I knew it, you bastard, I knew it, I just asked you for one night...").Everyone stepped aside so as not to spoil the good show.Shay and I were like two magnets, our eyes shot at each other immediately, we exchanged glances, and then each pushed away the neighbors who were watching, and walked towards the middle of the living room. Matt Daly said, "Sit down." "Dad." I put my hand on his shoulder and said. He didn't even know I was in the house.He said to Matt Daly: "This is my house, don't you try to give me orders." Shay stepped on the other side of him and said, "Dad." "Sit down," Matt Daly said again, his voice low and grim, "you're messing around." Dad lunged forward.A good technique is a good one: Shay and I pounce almost at the same time, my hands still know where to grab and my back is ready, but Dad suddenly stops fighting and his knees give up.My face was flushed all the way to the root of my hair, and the shame in my heart was like a fire. "Take him away," my mother spat.Several women surrounded my mother like clucking hens, and one of them wiped her upper body with a tissue, but she was so angry that she didn't realize it. "Come on, get out, back in the gutter where you belong. I shouldn't have dragged you out—your son's wake, you bastard, don't you know how to respect—" "Slut!" We dragged Dad out of the room like a dance, and he turned his head and growled, "Stupid whore!" "From the back," Shay said gruffly, "let Daly and the others go through the front door." "I'll fuck his Matt Daly," Dad said to us as we came downstairs, "fuck his Teresa Daly, and I'll fuck you two. You three are just as good as Kevin look." Shay gave a short sneer, looking terribly tired. "Maybe you're right." "Best in the house," Dad said, "my blue-eyed boy." Then he began to cry. "Don't you want to know how he's doing?" Shay asked.He and I looked at each other across the back of Dad's neck, and his eyes were burning like a Bunsen burner. "Now is your chance, enjoy it." He kicked the door open neatly, threw his father on the steps, and then turned and went upstairs. Dad stayed where we left him, howling and whining about the cruelty of life, obviously enjoying himself.I leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette, and the dim yellow light came from nowhere, making the yard as gloomy as a Tim Burton movie.The shed that used to be the toilet is still there, only a few planks are missing.Lean into incredible angles.The hall door slams shut behind me: the Dalys are back. Soon, Dad lost his interest, or his butt was cold, he calmed down, wiped his neck with his sleeve, adjusted his posture to make himself more comfortable on the steps, shivered and said, "Bring a cigarette." "Say please." "I'm your dad, I said bring me a cigarette." "Forget it," I said, handing me a cigarette, "I'm kind-hearted, you're bound to get lung cancer anyway." "You arrogant bastard." Dad took the cigarette and said, "If I knew your mother said she had it, I should have kicked her down the steps." "Maybe you really kicked." "Fart! I never do anything casually, unless you owe it to yourself." His hands were shaking so badly that he couldn't light a cigarette at all.I sat down beside him, took the lighter and lit his cigarette.His mouth reeked of cigarette smoke and Guinness, with a hint of tangy cocktail.Every nerve in my spine still shuddered at him, and the conversation poured from the upstairs windows, sporadic but lively again. I asked, "What's wrong with your back?" Dad took a long puff of cigarette. "none of your business." "Just chatting." "You never just talk, I'm not an idiot, don't play me." "I didn't take you for an idiot," I said, and I didn't lie.If my dad had spent more time on education and less time drinking, he would have achieved as much as others.I was about twelve years old, and the school was teaching the history of the Second World War. The teacher was a redneck who had never seen the world. He thought us inner city kids were stupid and couldn't learn anything complicated, so he didn't even try.That week, my dad happened to be sober, and it was he who drew the diagram on the tablecloth with a pencil, using Kevin's little tin soldiers as troops, and narrated it from beginning to end, as clearly and vividly as a movie, and I still remember all the details.But the sad thing about my dad is that he's too smart to know that he's been shit all his life.他要是蠢得像块白板，日子肯定幸福得多。 “你干吗关心我的背怎么样？” “因为好奇，还有万一有人要我出一部分看护费，我希望早一点知道。” “我才不会要你给我任何东西，也不会进赡养院。淮敢逼我，我先一枪打穿自己脑袋再说。” “最好是，别拖太久。” “我绝不让你们称心如意。” 他又深吸一口烟，看着烟圈从自己嘴里袅袅喷出。我说：“楼上刚才是怎么回事？” “这啊那的，男人的事。” “那是什么意思？麦特·戴利偷了你的牛吗？” “他不应该到我们家来，今晚不行，每一晚都不行。” 晚风拂过院子，推挤棚屋墙面。刹那间，我仿佛见到凯文，就像前一天晚上躺在四个院子之外一样浑身是伤，泛紫发白。但我没有生气，只觉得自己仿佛千斤重，要在台阶坐上一整夜，因为我起身离开的机会微乎其微。 过了半晌，老爸说：“你还记得那场雷雨吗？你那时好像，我不晓得，五六岁吧。我带你们出去，你老妈气坏了。” 我说：“嗯，我记得。”事情发生在夏季，那一天晚上就像压力锅，闷得大家喘不过气来，毫无来由想要打架。第一声雷响起的时候，老爸松了口气开始放声大笑，一手挟着谢伊，一手揽住我，不顾老妈在后头气愤咆哮，带我们跑下台阶，高高举起我和谢伊，让我们看闪电划过烟囱上空。老爸要我们别怕打雷，因为那只是闪电加热空气，像爆炸一样，还要我们别怕老妈，不管她探出窗外叫嚣得越来越凶。大雨倾盆落下，他仰头对着紫灰色的天空，抱着我们在空荡的街上不停转圈。我和谢伊像两头野兽般的尖叫大笑，豆大的温热雨滴打在我们脸上，静电在我们发间滋滋作响，雷声震动地面，从老爸的骨头一路传递到我们身上。 “真棒的暴风雨，”老爸说，“那一晚好极了。” 我说：“我还记得那个气息、那个味道。” “是啊，”他吸了最后一小口烟，将烟屁股扔进小水塘里，“我告诉你那天晚上我想做什么。我想带你们两个离开，到山里住下来。随便抢一顶帐篷和一把枪，靠猎来的动物维生。没有女人唠叨，没有人告诉我们不够好，没有人压迫工人。你们两个小鬼很好，你和凯文，又好又壮，什么事都办得到。我敢说我们一定会过得很棒。” 我说：“那天晚上是我和谢伊。” “你和凯文。” “不对，我那时还小，你才抱得动我。这表示凯文就算出生了，也只是婴儿。” 老爸想了一会儿。 “去你的，”他对我说，“你到底懂不懂？这是我对我死去的儿子最美的回忆，你这个小混球干吗扫兴？” 我说：“你对凯文其实没什么印象，因为他出生那时，你的脑袋已经是浆糊了。假如你想说一切都是我的错，我洗耳恭听。” 他深吸一口气，准备全力揍我，结果却狂咳不止，差一点从台阶摔下来。我忽然觉得我们两个令人作呕。我花了十分钟，只讨来他想赏我脸庞一拳。我竟然这么久才发现没必要跟一个和我身材相当的人厮混，而我只要在屋里再待三分钟，一定会发疯。 “喏，”我又递了一根烟给他。老爸依然说不出话，但还是伸出颤抖的手接了过去。我说：“好好享受。”说完就不管他了。 楼上，霍利·汤米又开始唱歌，随着夜色渐深，大伙儿从健力士喝到烈酒，开始对抗英国佬。 “风笛沉静，也没有战鼓喧腾惊山，但祈祷的钟声飘过丽妃河谷，钟声穿越浓雾……” 谢伊不见了，琳达·朵耶也是。卡梅尔靠在沙发一侧独自哼唱，一手搂着半睡半醒的多娜，一手按在老妈肩上。我凑到她耳边柔声说：“老爸在后院，最好找人看着他。我得走了，”卡梅尔猛然回头，满脸惊诧，但我手指按着嘴唇朝老妈点点头：“嘘，我很快会回来，我保证。” 我在有人要和我说话之前离开了屋子。街上很暗，只剩戴利家和长发学生的宿合还点着一盏灯。其他人不是睡了，就是在我们家。隔着客厅的大亮窗户，霍利·汤米的歌声流泄而出，声音幽微而久远：“我再次走过峡谷，忧伤的心深深悲痛，因为我和那些勇者分别，再也无法和他们相见……”歌声跟我一路来到忠诚之地的尽头，就算弯进史密斯路，我依然感觉听见他的哼唱，夹杂在车声之间，唱得情意真挚。