Chapter 4 Chapter 2 Hometown Twenty-two Years Later

Those who are not familiar with the location cannot find a place of loyalty.The Free Zone had run its course for centuries, completely unsheltered by city planners, and the Loyalty Place was a crowded dead-end street stuck in the middle of the district, like a wrong path in a maze.It's a ten-minute walk from Trinity College and the trendy shopfronts of Grafton Street, but when we were kids we never went to Trinity, nor did Trinity people come here. It's not a dangerous area, it's just spread out, filled with laborers, plasterers, vagrants, and then the shit luck ones who work at Guinness, have health insurance, and go to night school.The reason why this place is called this name is because the residents hundreds of years ago began to set their own rules and act on their own.The rules on the road in my house are: Even if you have no money, you have to drink as long as you go to the bar; It's an anarchist rock punk who goes to mass on Sundays and doesn't yell at anyone under any circumstances.

I parked the car a few minutes away and walked there.No need for my family to know what car I drive or to see the child safety seat in the back seat.The night air in the Liberty Zone was still the same, warm and tumultuous, potato chip wrappers and bus ticket stubs swirled in the wind, and rude din erupted from the taverns.Street gangsters add shiny jewelry over their sportswear to declare themselves very trendy.Two of them took one look at me and started swaying towards me, but I gave them a shark-like grin and immediately changed their minds. There are two rows of eight houses in the Land of Loyalty, red brick buildings, with steps at the door for people to climb up.In the 1980s, there were three or four households living in each house here, or even more.There was everyone from crazy Johnny Malone who had been in a war and showed off Epo tattoos to everyone, to Sally Horne who wasn't a whore but didn't know how to raise all the kids.People on unemployment benefits can live in basements, which can easily lead to vitamin D deficiency.Those who have a job can at least live on the first floor. After living for several generations, they will be considered senior residents and can get a room on the top floor, so that no one walks on top of you.

It is reasonable to say that when I go home, I should feel that my hometown has become smaller, but the road in my house feels like a schizophrenic stretch ahead, and two or three of the houses have been slightly decorated, such as replaced with double glazing and Interesting antique pastel paint, etc., though mostly intact.From the outside, Number Sixteen seemed to be at the end of its life, with the roof in dilapidated condition, the front steps piled with bricks and an abandoned wheelbarrow, and the door looked as if it had been set on fire.There is a window on the first floor of No. 8, the light is dim and soft, but it is extremely dangerous②.

After my parents got married, Carmel, Shay, and I were born one year apart.This is nothing new in an area where condoms are smuggled in.Five years later, their lives took a breather, and Kevin was born, and Jackie was born five years later. My mother should have conceived during the period when they didn't hate each other a little bit, but that period was very short. .We live on the first floor of No. 8, which has four rooms: boy's room, girl's room, kitchen and living room.The toilet was a small shed at the bottom of the backyard, and the tin bathtub for bathing stood in the kitchen.In the past few years, only my father and mother remained in the whole house.

I meet with Jackie every few weeks to help me stay on track.As for what counts as progress, it depends on personal definition.Jackie thought I needed to know family details big and small, but I thought it was all I needed to know if anyone had died.So it took us a little while to find the middle point where we all were happy. Before I got back to Loyalty, I knew Carmel had four kids and a bottom the size of a 77A bus.Shay lives upstairs from his parents and still works at the same bike shop he went to after graduation.Kevin sells flat-screen TVs and changes girlfriends every month.Dad didn't know what happened to his back, and Mom was still Mom.There is one more person that cannot be missed: Jackie.She's working as a hairdresser, and she's living with a guy named Gavin, and might marry him someday.If she keeps the deal (which I doubt), everyone will know what the fuck I'm doing too.

The downstairs door was unlocked, as was the door to the apartment.But these days, Dubliners don't keep the gates open anymore.Jieqi arranged very skillfully, allowing me to enter the door according to the situation.Voices from the living room, short conversations, long silences. "Hey!" I said standing in the doorway. There was a sound of glasses clinking on the table, and everyone turned their heads.My mother's irritable black eyes and five pairs of blue eyes exactly like mine were all staring at me. "Stash the heroin well," Shay said.He leaned against the window with his hands in his pockets, watching me walk up. "Here comes the note."

The landlord finally added a rug, a pink and green pattern.The room still smelled of toast, damp, and furniture polish, and there was a faint smell of dirt coming from nowhere.There was a plate full of coasters and digestive biscuits on the table, Dad and Kevin sat in the armchair, Mom sat on the sofa, and Carmel and Jackie sat on either side of her. It felt like a general showing off his two number one prisoners. My mother was a typical Dublin mother, 1.5 meters tall, with curly hair, an unattractive bucket figure, and a constant stream of dissatisfaction.Here's how she welcomes Aiko home:

"Franco," Mom said, leaning back on the couch, crossing her hands at what used to be her waist, and looking me up and down, "Can't you even wear a decent shirt, huh?" I said, "Hi, Mom." "Mom, not Mom. The neighbors will think I gave birth to a bum, judging by your virtue." I forget when I switched from army coats to brown leathers, but other than that, my taste in clothing is pretty much the same as it was when I left home.If I wear a suit, she thinks I'm smug again.In front of my mother, you don't want to win. "Jackie sounded urgent," I said, "Hi, Dad."

Dad looks better than I imagined.I used to be the one who resembled him the most, same brown hair and rugged silhouette, but that resemblance has faded a lot over time, which is nice.He's starting to look old, with gray hair and ankle-high trousers, but he still has muscles that make people hesitate for a moment before messing with him.He looks sober, but with my dad, you never know if he's really sober. "I'm glad you're shining on the lintel," Pa said, his voice thicker and deeper than before.Smoked too much Camel. "You kid is still pulling two to five to eighty thousand."

"That's what everyone says. Hi, Carmel, Kay, Shay." Shay didn't even bother to answer. "Hi, Franco," Kevin said, his eyes as if he had seen a ghost.Kevin had grown into a big, blond, solid, good-looking man, taller than me. "Depend on." "Clean your mouth!" My mother was furious. "You look fine." Carmel said as expected.Even if Jesus rose to her face one morning, she'd say he looked fine.The buttocks of the old lady are really amazing, and I am not surprised at all that she has learned an elegant nasal voice.This family is more like the past than before. "Thank you," I said, "and you too."

"You bastard, come here," Jackie said.She had a complicated haircut with hydrogen peroxide, and wore white cropped pants and a red polka-dot top with weird frills, like a guest at a Tom Waits party. "Sit down and have a cup of tea, I'll get another cup." After speaking, he got up and walked towards the kitchen, winking at me and pinching me as if encouraging. "No need," I stopped her.Just thinking about sitting next to my mother makes my hair stand on end. "Let's take a look at that fabled suitcase first." "Why are you in such a hurry?" Mom asked back, "Sit down." "Work first, play second. Where's the suitcase?" Shay turned her head to the ground at her feet and said, "Please." Jackie sat back in her seat.I walk around coffee tables, couches and chairs in full view. The suitcase was by the window, light blue, with rounded edges, patches of black mildew all over the surface, and the mouth was still open. Someone just ruined the poor clasp.What surprised me the most, however, was how small the case was.Olivia took almost her entire family with her just for a weekend vacation, including the electric kettle, while Rosie could carry all the things she brought with her in pursuit of a new life. I asked, "Who touched the box?" Shay laughed, a sound that came from deep in his throat. "Jesus, folks, Inspector Colombo is here. Do you want us to be fingerprinted?" Shay was dark and lean, with a volatile personality, and I forgot what it was like to be so close to him.It's like standing next to a high-voltage electricity tower, which makes people nervous.In the past few years, his personality has become very deep, and a deep groove appeared between his eyebrows. "If you beg me, I can think about it," I said. "Have you all touched?" "I dare not approach," Carmel immediately retorted, trembling slightly, "so much dust." Kevin and I looked at each other.At that moment, I felt that I had never left this home at all. "Me and your dad tried to open it," Mom said, "but it was locked, so I called Shay down and got him to use a screwdriver on it. We really had no choice, and it didn't say who it was on the outside of the box of." She looked at me with a helpless expression. "Exactly," I said. "We saw what was inside... I've never been so surprised in my life, I thought I had a heart attack. I told Carmel, it's a good thing you're here and driving, Otherwise, I won’t have a car to go to the hospital.” Mom’s eyes showed that she thought it was my fault, even though she still couldn’t figure out why. “It’s great that Trevor made snacks for the kids despite the emergency,” Carmel told me. "Kevin and I looked at the boxes when we got here," Jackie said. "We touched a few things, but don't remember what—" "Going to get the fingerprint powder?" Shay asked.He leaned lazily against the window frame, looking at me with half-closed eyes. "Another day, if you are willing to be a good baby." I took out surgical gloves from the pocket of my leather jacket and put them on. Dad laughed loudly, his voice was low and harsh and full of contempt, and then it turned into an uncontrollable cough, and the whole chair was shaking. shake. Shay's screwdriver lay on the floor next to the suitcase, and I got down on my knees and used it to lift the lid.There are two boys in the forensics department who owe me favors, and two or three women who are obsessed with me. They are all willing to help me test the evidence in private, but they still hope that I will not destroy the evidence unless necessary. The suitcase was tangled with fibers, moldy and long-term storage made it dirty and black, almost half-destroyed, and the smell of wet earth was strong and strong, which was the smell I smelled when I stepped into the house. I slowly took out the contents of the suitcase and piled them on the lid one by one so as not to destroy the evidence.A pair of baggy blue jeans with two gingham patches at the knees; a green pullover and skinny jeans with a zipper at the ankle.Jesus, I recognize those pants, and remembering the way they dangle around Rosie's ass feels like I've been punched in the stomach.I continued to take things out without stopping.A man's collarless flannel shirt with blue pinstripes on what should have been a creamy yellow base.Six pairs of white cotton underpants, and a shredded, threaded shirt with a long purple and blue hem.I picked up the shirt and the birth certificate fell out. "Here," Jackie said.She leaned on the arm of the sofa, staring at me nervously. "See? We thought it was nothing until we found this. I don't know, maybe a kid messed around or someone robbed something and needed to hide it, or even some poor woman was bullied by a man, packed up her belongings and waited for her to get up Courage goes a long way. You know, that's what magazines say, right?" She started fussing again. Rosie Bernadette Daly was born on July 30, 1966.This paper is about to fall apart. "Yeah," I said, "if it's kids messing around, they're pretty thorough." A U2 T-shirt, if it wasn't rotten and pitted, could be worth hundreds of pounds.A blue and white striped T-shirt, a men's black tank top, Annie Hall style was in fashion at the time.A string of light blue plastic rose beads, two white cotton bras, and a non-brand Walkman I bought for her with money I had saved for a few months.I was helping Peak Murray sell bootleg videotapes at Ivy's Market, and I couldn't get my last two pounds together until a week before her eighteenth birthday.A can of Sull deodorant spray, a dozen self-recorded music cassettes, some of which can still be seen in her round and tender handwriting: REM "Whispering", U2 "Boys", and Thin Leach, New Town Rats, Execution The Juggernaut and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.Rosie could keep everything but her music collection. There was a brown envelope at the bottom of the suitcase, and twenty-two years of humidity had clumped the paper inside.I carefully tugged at the edge, and the letter immediately fell into pieces like wet cigarettes.I have to rely on the forensics department to help again.However, through the plastic opening of the envelope, a few blurred handwriting from the typewriter could still be seen. "Larry! Holyhead (English)...time: morning...thirty..." Wherever Rosie went, it must have been useless for our tickets. Everyone was staring at me, and Kevin seemed very disturbed. "Well," I said, "it sure looks like Rosie's suitcase." I started to put things back into the box from the lid, saving the paper for last so it wouldn't crumble. "Should I call the police?" Carmel asked.Dad cleared his throat loudly, as if about to spit, and Mom gave him a hard look. I asked, "What did you call?" Apparently no one thought about it. "Did someone stuff a suitcase behind a fireplace more than twenty years ago?" I said. You guys, I don't think the police would go to such lengths for such a trivial matter." "But Rosie," Jackie said, looking at me with one hand through her hair, showing her bunny teeth and wide blue eyes full of worry. "She is indeed missing, and whether that thing is a clue or evidence, shouldn't we..." "Has she been reported as a missing person?" Looking at each other, no one knows.I doubt it very much.In the free zone, the police are like the jellyfish ghosts in the video game "Pokemon". They are part of the game. It is best to stay away from them and never send them to your door. "In case not," I said, closing the suitcase with my fingertips, "it's too late to report." "But," said Jackie, "wait a minute, doesn't it look like... You know, she didn't go to England, maybe someone..." "What Jackie was trying to say," Shay told me, "was that someone knocked out Rosie, put her in a garbage bag, took her to a pig farm, and stuffed her suitcase behind the fireplace to destroy her body." "Shay Mackey! For God's sake!" It was my mother who spoke.Carmel made the sign of the cross across his chest. I've thought about this. "It's possible," I said, "that she might have been kidnapped by aliens by mistake and dumped in Kentucky, USA. Personally, I'd go with the simplest explanation, which is that she stuffed the suitcase herself down the chimney and didn't have a chance Get it when you come back, before you can change your underwear and go to England. But if you like life to be a little more exciting, I have no objection." "Makes sense," Shay said.He may have made a lot of mistakes, but he is definitely not stupid. "No wonder you need that stupid thing—" He means the gloves, which I'm stuffing back into my coat pocket. "Because you don't think anyone has committed a crime at all." "Relax," I said, grinning at him, "a pig is still a pig at twenty-seven, understand what I'm saying?" Shay snorted contemptuously. Mom spoke, in a tone that perfectly combined awe, jealousy, and bloodthirsty desire: "Theresa Daly is going to go crazy, go crazy!" For various reasons, I had to go to the Dalys before anyone else. "I'll go and talk to her and Mr. Daly to see what they're up to. When will they be back on Saturday?" Shay shrugged and said, "Not necessarily. Sometimes after lunch, sometimes early in the morning, let's see when it's convenient for Nora to drive them back." It's miserable.I could tell by the look on my mother's face that she was going to hit the Dalys with this news before they even opened the door.I considered whether to sleep in the car, but fortunately the aisle blocked her, but there is no parking place within the surveillance range.Shay looked at me, gloating. Suddenly, my mother straightened her chest and said, "You can sleep here at night if you want, Franco, the sofa can still be pulled out." I don't think Mom is showing mercy because of the family reunion, she just likes people owe her.Sleeping over at home is never a good idea, but I have nothing better to do right now.At this time, she added another sentence, lest I think she has become kinder. "Unless you are not used to this kind of hard life now." "Not at all," I said, smiling at Shay. "That's great, Mom, thank you." "Mom, not Mom. I think you need breakfast or something." "Can I stay too?" Kevin said without thinking. Mom gave him a suspicious look, seemingly as surprised as I was. "I can't stop you," she finally said, "the sheets at home are good, don't ruin them." After speaking, she got up from the sofa and began to pack the teacups. Shay smiled, a wicked smile. "Family reunion," he said, kicking the suitcase with the front of his boot, "just in time for Christmas." Mom doesn't let anyone smoke in the house, so Shay, Jackie, and I go outside to smoke, and Carmel and Kevin swing out.We sat on the front steps and it felt like a kid eating a popsicle after a snack and waiting for something fun to happen.It took me a while to find myself waiting, waiting for children to play football, for couples to snarl, for women to hurry across the road and exchange gossip for tea bags, but nothing happened.On the eleventh two or three students with shaggy hair were cooking while a guitar band was playing; on the seventh Sally Horn was ironing;That's apparently all the activity going on in Loyalty these days. We automatically sat back to the old seats: Shay and Carmel sat at the top, sitting opposite each other, Kevin and I were on the next step, and Jackie sat at the bottom, between me and Kevin, there were already people on the steps. Our butt prints. "Holy crap, it's warm, it's still the same," Carmel said. "It's not like December at all, is it? It just doesn't feel right." "Global warming," Kevin said, "who has smoke for us?" Jackie handed over the cigarette case. "Don't smoke, it's a bad habit." "Only for special occasions." I flicked on the lighter, and Kevin leaned closer, and the firelight hit the shadow of his eyelashes on his face, like a sleeping child with rosy whites and innocent eyes.He used to regard me as an idol and always followed me.Once Chippy Horn snatched his jellybeans, and I beat Chippy until his nose bleeds.But now, he already smelled of aftershave. "Sally," I asked, turning my head at Jackie, "how many children has she had?" Jackie reached behind her back and took the cigarette back from Kevin's hand and said, "Fourteen, my ass hurts just thinking about it." I chuckled secretly, and met Kevin's eyes, and he grinned too. Then Carmel said to me, "I have four children, Darren, Louise, Donna, and Ashley." "Jackie told me, it's amazing. Who do they look like?" "Louise is like me, God help me, and Darren is like his father." "Donna's a double Jackie," Kevin said, "with buck teeth and all that." Jieqi punched him: "Shut up." "They must be big by now," I said. "Oh, yes. Darren is graduating from high school this year, and he wants to study engineering at the National University of Ireland in Dublin, if he can get in." Nobody asked about Holly, maybe I underestimated Jackie, maybe she really knew how to keep her mouth shut. "Here," Carmel rummaged through the bag, took out the phone and fiddled with it for a while, then handed it to me, "Do you want to see them?" I browsed through the photos on my phone and saw four ordinary-looking, freckled children.Trevor is still the same, only the hairline has changed.Their cobblestone-walled duplex was built in the 1970s in some miserable location, I forgot.Carmel has fully lived out her dream in a way few can boast.Even if her dream made me want to slit my throat, I still have to give it a big compliment. "They all look good," I said, handing her the phone back. "Congratulations, Mel." There was a gasp behind me. "Meil, my God... I haven't heard of it for hundreds of years." At that moment, everyone returned to their original appearance, the wrinkles and gray hair were worn away, the heavy line of Kevin's jaw and the heavy makeup of Jackie were erased, and there were only five innocent children left, full of vitality in the dark , ready to move, eyes like a cat, weaving his own dreams.Sally Horne would see us whenever she poked her head: the McKee kids, sitting on her steps.Maybe I'm crazy, but at that moment, I was really glad I was home. "Ouch," Carmel said, moving her body.She was never used to silence. "My ass hurts like hell. Franco, are you sure that's what you said in the house? Rosie was going to go back and get the box?" Shay groaned and squeezed a puff of smoke through his teeth, probably snickering. "It's all nonsense. He knows it very well, just like me." Carmel thumped his knee and said, "Be gentle." But Shay was unimpressed. "What are you doing, why do you say that's bullshit?" "I'm afraid to say anything," I said, "but yes, I think she's quite likely to go off to England and live happily ever after." Shea said, "No boat ticket, no ID card?" "She saved the money, even if she didn't get the ferry ticket, at most she bought another one, and at that time she didn't need an ID card to go to the UK." Yes, the reason why we brought ID cards was because we knew that we might need to register to find a job. Unemployment benefits, and then we were planning to get married. Jieqi asked softly: "Then is it right for me to call you? Or is it really just..." The atmosphere tensed instantly. "Just pretend it's okay," Shay said. "No," I said, "you're doing it right, baby. Your intuition is priceless, you know?" Jackie straightened her legs and looked at her high heels.I can only see the back of her head. "Maybe," she said. We smoked and sat for a while longer.There is no longer the smell of malt and burning hop flowers. This is an environmentally friendly choice made by the Guinness Distillery in the 1990s, so the free zone is now free from the smell of diesel exhaust, which is obviously a breakthrough.At the end of the road, moths are circling the street lamps, the ropes that used to wrap the children on the swings have been removed. There is something I want to know. "Dad looks good," I said. silence.Kevin shrugged. "He's got a bad back," Carmel said, "Jackie didn't..." "She told me there was something wrong with Dad, but he looked better than I thought." Carmel sighed. "His condition is good and bad, today is not bad, when the condition is bad..." Shay took a drag on his cigarette.He still holds the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger, like a gangster in an old movie.He said lightly: "When the situation is bad, I have to help him to the toilet." I asked, "Does the doctor know what's wrong with him?" "I don't know. It could be work, or it could be...they can't find out. It's getting worse anyway." "Has he quit drinking?" Shay said, "What does it matter to you?" I said, "Has Dad quit drinking?" Carmel moved a bit and said, "Oh, he's fine." Shay laughed, what sounded like a high-pitched snarl. "Is he okay with Mom?" I asked. Shay said, "It's none of your business." The other three held their breath, waiting to see if we would fight.Shay broke my head when I was twelve years old, and the scar is still there on these steps.But I grew stronger than him before long, so he got the scar too. I turned around slowly and faced him without haste. "I'm asking you a good question." "It's been twenty years, and you've never been indifferent." "He asked me," Jackie said softly, "many times." "So, you don't live here anymore, and you know as little as him." "So I'm asking you now," I said, "how has Daddy been treating Mommy lately?" It was half light and half dark, and we stared at each other fiercely, and I was ready to throw the cigarette away at any moment. "So what if I can't say no," Shay said, "will you leave your warm bachelor pad and move back in to take care of her?" "Moving downstairs? Hey, Shay, do you miss me so much?" The upstairs window snapped open, and my mother yelled down, "Franco! Kevin! Do you want to come in?" "Come right now!" We yelled back together.Jieqi laughed, her voice was trembling and flustered: "Look at us..." Mom slammed the window.Immediately afterwards, Shay leaned back on the steps, spat between the railings, and looked away from me, and the others immediately relaxed. "I've got to go," Carmel said. "Ashley likes me in bed with her. She doesn't like Daddy. When she sees Trevor, she just picks him up and thinks it's funny." Kevin asked, "How did you get home?" "I parked around the corner and that Kia is mine," she explained to me. "The Land Rover is for Trevor." Trevor is such a pathetic jerk, it's nice to know he's living his life like this. "Great," I said. "Can you give us a ride?" Jieqi asked, "I'll come directly after get off work. Gavin drove the car again today." Carmel tightened his jaw and clicked his tongue, looking displeased. "He won't come to pick you up?" "Absolutely not. The car should be at home now, and he's hanging out with his buddies in a bar." Carmel pulled the armrest and stood up, straightening the skirt neatly. "Then I'll take you back. Tell Gavin that guy, since he wants you to work, he should buy you a car and let you drive to work. What are you laughing at?" "Women's Liberation is in the ascendant!" I said. "I never need any exercise. I like a bra that fits well and is firm. Madam, it's time to go. If you laugh again, I'll let you stay here in the rain." "Here we come, wait a minute—" Jackie stuffed the cigarette back into her bag, and threw the bag over her shoulder. "I'll be back tomorrow. Will you be there, Franco?" "It depends on your luck. If we meet, we will talk." She grabbed my hand and pressed it hard. "Anyway, I'm glad to call you," she said to me in a defiant half-whisper, "and glad you came. You're so nice, really. Take care of yourself, okay?" "You're a good girl too. Bye, Jackie." Carmel hesitated to speak: "Franco, we will...will you still come? Since..." "Let's get this out of the way first," I said to her with a smile, "and see what happens next, shall we?" Carmel came down the steps, and the three of us watched them walk up the place of allegiance.The sound of Jackie's high heels echoed through the house, and Carmel staggered aside, trying to keep up.Even without her hair and shoes, Jackie is a bit taller than Carmel, but in terms of girth, Carmel is several times that of Jackie.The two are so different, like a silly partner in a cartoon, ready for a series of pathetic and funny accidents, until the bad guy is arrested and the comedy ends. "They're good women," I said softly. "Yeah," Kevin said, "indeed." Shay said, "If you two want to help them, you'd better never show up again." I thought he might be right, but I ended up ignoring him.Mom was playing her window game again: "Franco! Kevin! I'm closing the door, you either come in now or find a place to sleep." "Go ahead," Shay said, "before she wakes up the whole street." Kevin stood up and stretched, twisting his neck. "Aren't you going in?" "No," Shay said, "I want another cigarette." I closed the door and he was still sitting on the steps with his back to us, flicking his lighter and staring at the flames. Mom threw a mattress, two pillows, and a few quilts on the sofa, and went to sleep by herself, protesting that the two of us were loitering outside the house.She and Dad slept in our old room, and judging by the lovely avocado green decor, the girls' room must have been converted into a bathroom in the 1980s.While Kevin was making the bed in the living room, I took the opportunity to sneak around the corner of the stairs (Mom's hearing is as good as a bat) and call Olivia. It was past eleven o'clock. "Holly's asleep," Olivia said, "she's disappointed." "I know, I just wanted to say thank you again and sorry. Did I totally screw up your date?" "That's right, otherwise, what do you think? Cattle will move an extra chair, and Holly will discuss the Booker Prize list with us while eating crispy salmon?" "I have some errands to take care of here tomorrow, but will try to pick her up before dinner. Maybe you and Dermot can arrange another appointment." She sighed. "What happened to your family? How is everyone?" "I don't know yet," I said. "Still trying to figure it out. It should be clearer tomorrow." silence.I answered so cautiously that I thought Lil must have been furious, but she said, "And you, Franco? Are you all right?" Her tone softened.I could do anything that night without Olivia being nice to me.My bones seemed to be permeated by water, and I felt comforted but unreliable. "Very well," I replied, "I have to hang up, give Holly a kiss for me tomorrow morning, and I'll call you back." Kevin and I made up the sofa bed, head to toe with each other, and fell asleep like a nightclub madman.We collapsed on the sofa, listening to each other's breathing against the streaks of light filtered through the lace curtains.The statue of my mother's sacred heart was glowing red in the corner, and I imagined Olivia's expression when she saw the statue. "It's good to see you," Kevin whispered after a while, "You know what?" His face was obscured by shadows, and all I could see was his hands on the mattress, his thumbs carelessly rubbing his knuckles. "Both each other," I said, "you look so good, you're taller than me, I can't believe it." Kevin sneered. "But I still dare not challenge you one-on-one." I laughed too. "That's right, I've been a master of unarmed combat recently." "real?" "Fake. I am a master of official documents, and I specialize in helping myself out." Kevin turned and lay on his side with his head resting on his arms so he could see me. "May I ask one thing? Why did you choose to be a cop?" Born in this kind of place, the only way to get rid of it is to be a policeman.To be more precise, almost everyone I grew up with was petty criminals.But they are not evil by nature, they have to.Half the people in Loyalty are on the dole, and all of them work illegal jobs, especially when the kids need their books and uniforms before school starts.One winter, when Kevin and Jackie got bronchitis, Carmel brought back meat from the restaurant in Dunn, where she worked, to replenish their strength. No one asked her how she could pay for it.At the age of seven, I already knew how to manipulate the gas meter so that my mother could cook dinner.The job consultants you meet will never see you as a future official. "That sounds exciting," I said. "It's as simple as that. Why not do it when you have the chance to do something and get paid for it?" "Really? Really exciting?" "Occasionally." Kevin looked at me silently, seeing that I didn't intend to continue, he said, "Dad was terrified when Jackie informed us." Dad was a plasterer, but by the time we were born, he was a full-time alcoholic who also sold all sorts of dubious goods.I don't think he would even object to me sleeping with a gay male whore. "Well, yes," I said, "that's a trifle. But I'll ask you, how was the house the second day I left?" Kevin rolled over on his back, with his arms under his head. "You never asked Jackie?" "Jackie is only nine years old, and she can't tell which ones she remembers and which ones she imagines, such as the doctor in a white robe picking up Mrs. Daly." Kevin looked at the ceiling, the light coming in from the window made his eyes twinkle like two deep pools. "I remember Rosie," he said, "I know I was little, but... the impression was very strong, you know? The hair, and the laugh, and the way she walked... Rosie was lovely. " I said, "She really is." Dublin was brown and gray and beige, but Rosie was colorful, with explosions of reddish-brown curls falling to her waist, eyes like green glass in the light, and her red Lips, fair skin and golden freckles.Half the people in the Free Zone were obsessed with Rosie, and she didn't care, which only made her more attractive.Rosie never felt special.She ran around with her seductive curves all day long, as if her figure was as ordinary as the patched jeans on her body. Let me say a little more about Rosie. 当时修女告诫那些只有她一半美丽的女孩，她们的身体是通往粪坑与金库的十字路口，而男孩全是肮脏下流的小偷。十二岁左右的那年夏天，我们还不懂得彼此相爱，有天傍晚，我和她玩起“你看我，我看你”的游戏。 在此之前，我看过最接近裸女的东西，就是黑白相片里的女人的乳沟。然而，萝西却将脱下的衣服扔到角落，仿佛它们很碍事。就着微光，她在十六号张开双手旋转身体，笑着、闪耀着，近得几乎伸手可及。直到现在，我想起那天依然会无法呼吸。 我当时太年轻，不晓得自己想和她做什么，只知道世界上没有任何东西比萝西更美，即使是蒙娜丽莎一手拿着圣杯，一手拿着得奖的乐透彩券穿越大峡谷也比不上那时的她。 凯文轻轻对着天花板说：“我们起初根本搞不清楚状况。我和谢伊醒来发现你不在，以为你只是出去了。到早餐时间，戴利太太大声进来说要找你，我们说你不在，这才发现她近乎崩溃。萝西的东西都不见了，戴利太太尖叫咆哮，说你带她跑了，还是绑架了她，我不晓得她说的是哪个。老爸开始和她对骂，老妈努力想叫两人闭嘴，免得让邻居听见——” “怎么可能听不见？”我说。戴利太太和我妈一个样，只是吃的药多了三倍。 “是啊，我知道，怎么可能？我们听见有人在对面大喊，于是我和洁琪便往外看。只见戴利先生将萝西剩下的东西扔出窗子，整条街都出来看怎么回事……我老实告诉你，我当时觉得真是帅呆了。” 凯文咧嘴微笑，我也忍不住笑了出来。“这种好戏要我砸钱去看，我也愿意。” “对啊，他们差点吵翻天了。戴利太太骂你是小坏坯，老妈骂萝西是小贱人，有其母必有其女，戴利太太听得火冒三丈。” “嗯，好吧，我赌老妈赢，她的体重占优势。” “你别让她听见。” “她只需要坐在戴利太太身上等她投降就好了。” 我们都笑了，仿佛两个小孩在黑夜压低嗓门在笑。“不过，戴利太太有武器，”凯文说，“她那些指甲——” “天，她现在还留着？” “更长了。她是真人——那个东西叫什么？” “耙子？” “不对，忍者钳，还有飞星镖。” “那到底谁赢了？” “老妈，但没胜多少。她将戴利太太推到楼梯间把门关上，戴利太太又吼又叫，猛踹房门，不过最后还是放弃了，反而回家和戴利先生大吵一架，骂他乱扔萝西的东西。邻居们都开始卖票了，比'豪门恩怨'①还精彩。” 这时，我们以前的卧房传来老爸的咳嗽声，床铺摇得连墙壁都在晃动。我们立刻僵住不动，竖起耳朵。老爸长喘几回，呼吸再度恢复正常。 “总之，”凯文更小声说，“事情差不多就这样结束了。这则头条八卦维持了两个星期左右，后来大伙儿多多少少就忘记了。老妈和戴利太太几年没说话，反正她们本来就不交谈，所以也没什么区别。老妈每年都会发飙，气你没寄卡片，不过……” 不过当时是八十年代，移民是三大谋生方法之一，另外两个要么是去有钱老爸的公司，要么领取失业救济。老妈那时一定期望我们有谁能挣到单程船票。 “她不认为我死在水沟里了？” 凯文哼了一声。“哪会，她说谁都有可能受伤，只有我们家的弗朗科不会。我们没有报警，也没有报失踪人口，但不表示……我们不在乎似的。我们只是觉得……”垫子随着他耸肩动了一下。 “我和萝西私奔了。” “对。我是说，大家都知道你们在热恋，不是吗？大家也都晓得戴利先生对这件事的看法。所以大家当然这么想，你懂吧？” “是啊，”我说，“当然这么想了。” “再说，还有那张字条。我想就是字条让戴利太太暴跳如雷的：有人在十六号乱搞，结果他们发现了这张字条。萝西写的。我不晓得洁琪有没有告诉你——” “我看过字条。”我说。 凯文转头看我：“真的？你看过？” "right." 他等我开口，但我没有多说。“什么时候……你是说在她留下字条之前？她先给你看过？” “之后，那天深夜。” “所以——什么？字条是留给你的，不是她的家人？” “我是这么想的。我们约定那晚碰面，可是她没有出现。我发现字条，就心想一定是给我的。” 等我明白她是认真的，已经走了不再出现，我便扛起背包开始步行。周一清晨，天刚破晓，镇上浓雾弥漫，空空荡荡，只有我和清洁工，还有几名疲惫的夜班工人顶着犹暗似明的寒风回家。我看见三一学院大钟上的时间，第一班渡轮正要驶离邓莱里。 最后，我躲到一处无人住宅，在巴格街边，一群臭气熏天的摇滚乐手和一个名叫凯斯·穆恩的酒鬼住在那里，藏了一堆大麻，数量多得吓人。他们算是我参加音乐会时认识的，那天谁都以为我是他们其中一人邀去的。 其中一名乐手有个妹妹住在哈内拉，她身上倒是不臭，只要她喜欢你，就会出借地址让你申请失业津贴。她非常喜欢我。我后来用她家地址申请警察学校，事实上我也确实住在那里。我拿到入学许可进入天普默受训的时候，心里着实松了一口气，因为她一直吵着要跟我结婚。 你瞧，萝西有多么可恶。我曾那样相信她，相信她说的每一个字。萝西从来不玩把戏，只会张开嘴巴坦白告诉你，即使话很伤人。这也是我爱她的原因之一。 从小活在我家那种环境里，遇到一个人竟然毫不掩藏自己，对我而言简直是最难解的谜题。所以当她说“我发誓我一定会回来”时，我就相信了，信了二十二年。这二十多年，我和恶臭乐手的妹妹上床，和奥莉薇亚结婚，哄骗自己以戴齐为家，其实一直在等萝西·戴利推门进来。 “现在呢？”凯文问，“过了今天之后，你有什么看法？” “别问我，萝西当时到底在想什么，我现在是一点概念也没有了。”我说。 凯文低声说：“你知道，谢伊认为她死了，洁琪也这么想。” “嗯，”我说，“看得出来。”我听见凯文吸气，似乎想说些什么，但过了一会儿，他将气吐出来。我问：“怎么？” 他摇摇头。 “什么，小凯？” "nothing." I wait for him to speak. “只是……唉，我不晓得，”他在床上不安地蠕动，“你离家出走，谢伊很痛苦。” “因为我们感情非常好——你意思是这？” “我知道你们成天打架，但私底下……我是说，你们还是兄弟，知道吗？” 凯文根本在胡扯（提起谢伊，我马上想到小时候有一天醒来，发现他正用铅笔想穿破我的耳膜），而且他胡扯是为了让我忘记问他原本想说什么。我确实差点就问了。我现在依然会想，当时我要是问了，结果又会是怎样。但我还没来得及开口，就听见正门喀哒一声关上，声音又轻又谨慎。谢伊进来了。 凯文和我静止不动，竖耳倾听。脚步很轻，在外头的楼梯转角暂停，接着爬完另一层阶梯，另一扇门喀哒一声，我们头上的地板开始吱吱嘎嘎。 我说：“小凯。” 凯文假装睡了。不久，他嘴巴张开，发出轻微的鼾声。 谢伊在自己屋里轻声移动许久，整栋房子才彻底寂静下来。我又等了十五分钟，方才小心翼翼坐起身子（耶稣在角落闪闪发亮，给我一个“我就知道你会这样”的眼神）往窗外看。It's raining.忠诚之地一片漆黑，只剩一盏灯光从我的头上方洒下湿黄的光线，打在圆石上。