Chapter 41 Chapter Forty

It was pure chance that Alderney was my hiding place.I'm going to find an island, because I'm going to convince the kids—at least Billy and Freddie—that we're still on Anglesey.It's kind of silly to do that, really, because Anglesey is so big I'm not even sure they even know it's an island, but that's what my hyper head thinks.And the island has its safety, especially on an island with no car ferry service.Surrounded by sea water, it feels like the sea is protecting us from harm.One minute the sea was still shimmering quietly in the warm sun, the next minute it might be furious, as if trying to fend off an attacker.

I knew I couldn't fool Jaz about where I was, but I came up with an explanation that should satisfy her.I've told her a lot about her real father since Robert took her and the boys from me two years ago.I wanted her to know about the other half of her life—another culture her father had loved dearly.I learned that Jaz made up all kinds of stories about Danash, as if he was still a part of her life, as if she was going to live with him someday.This worries me a lot.Whatever course of action I intend to take, I will make Jaz aware of her father's situation.I'm going to teach her to know him, to understand who he is and why he can't be with us.Of course I won't tell her everything, she is too young to accept the cruel reality.

I will explain to her why we are in Alderney in a proper manner, so that she will keep it a secret.I told her we were going on vacation to a new island—somewhere her father and I had been when we lived happily ever after, but she couldn't tell anyone.She knew she couldn't talk about her father if Robert was there.Once or twice she had tried, and Robert had raged and shouted that he was her father, the one who had paid for her, the only father, and she had better believe that. After those events, Jaz never mentioned her biological father in front of Robert again.I told her we were coming here - to Alderney - so we could reminisce about her father, and I have some of the best memories of him here.

I am ashamed to say this is a lie.I hate to lie to my beloved daughter, but Jasmine is literate and knows that Alderney is not Anglesey, and hopefully the words are similar enough to fool my two sons.Billy is six years old, but he can't read very well, and the school says he will be tested for dyslexia next year. Yes, I lied, but those lies were necessary not only to me but to my children, especially to my children. The biggest problem I have to solve is transportation.We can't fly, the boys will be so excited and will tell Robert.So we're going to drive all the way to Poole, where we get off to take the boat I've chartered.Of course, Robert checks my odometer, which he does every week, and Poole is farther than Anglesey, but I have both managed to make up stories to explain the extra miles.I even took the kids to an abandoned fort on Alderney and told them that was Caernarfon Castle.I don't think Robert has been there, so if the kids' descriptions are a little outrageous when we go back, he won't notice even if he listens carefully, but he must know that there is at least a hundred and twenty round trips from the family hotel to and from Caernarfon Castle. Many kilometers away.

The boys realized that the journey had become longer, but Robert knew Kemes Bay was farther than Moirfrey, and when the boys said the journey took a long time, Robert put it down to "Are we almost there?" syndrome without paying too much attention to it. Taking a boat is more difficult to explain, but much easier than taking a plane.I checked cruise information around Anglesey and it turned out to be much better than I had feared at first.I video chatted with Robert and told him about our journey so that when we got home and the kids mentioned the sea trip, it was old news and Robert just ignored it.

It's a great risk, but we can't be on Alderney until the day we escape, we want everyone to think we look familiar.For this, we have to be familiar with each other. Thanks to Sophie, I got various documents, including a passport, made out of my new name, Lynn Meadows.It turned out not to be that difficult, especially not having to show a passport at border control checks. Now I believe our real passports will be found.I wonder if Robert really believes that I went to Iran?I hope so, but it doesn't really matter what he believes, what matters is whether the police believe it or not.

After our first visit in October, I couldn't contain my excitement.I don't want to leave, I just want to speed things up and build a new life, but I can't.There are so many things to plan, too many things to arrange and be foolproof. I found a rather isolated house that was being rented.No one would notice us coming and going, not a lot of people cared, it turns out there's a lot of people coming and going all the time.The house is right on the beach and best of all, it provides a ready escape for the kids.While I'm sure we won't need it, it gives me an extra sense of security.

On both trips in October and Easter I made sure we were as exposed as possible.Of course, until all three are confident enough to use their new names, I avoid any kids-only events.But we got involved in some team activities, like the Great Shark Egg Hunt at Easter, although the kids were more interested in finding various chocolate creations than the real thing.We also made it a point to wander the main high street regularly, stopping for a drink in a crowded café, picking a prominent outdoor table, and nodding and smiling at everyone who looked at us. Now that we're here, we can relax.I've left everything we have in Manchester, but one thing I'm sure of, nothing connects us to Alderney.