Chapter 39 Chapter Thirty-eight

Sophie and I worked out my escape plan in secret.I saw through every plot Robert had planned to keep me close to him, and all the methods he used to keep a close watch on my every move.I can't ignore any part of his overall plan, I can't risk it.Sometimes I have to make him think I look stupid, I know what he wants to do but have to let it go or he'll make it worse. His first trick was to get at the school, and it was such a success that he used it again and again.He promised me to pick up the kids, didn't go, and left the kids at school, making them feel like their mother had forgotten about them.He forwarded his landline at home to his cell phone, so when the school called to tell the kids they were waiting to be picked up, he could intercept the call and deliberately not answer it.The school would think I was out and forget about the kids, or think I might not be able to answer the phone, so they would have to call Robert and tell him I wasn't there to pick up the kids.

After it happened once, I knew what he was up to, but what were my options?If I went to school desperately, he would know that I understood his tricks and move on to even more terrible ones.The kids are safe and I'm pretty sure he'll pick them up in the end, playing the role of a caring father and husband struggling to cope with a slightly psychotic wife. I know exactly how he would play, he would scurry to school to apologize to the teacher, act terribly worried, stutter, make people think I forgot about my kids, or what Problem: Alcoholism, drugs, or a little mental disorder. He told Nadine Stokes - the principal of the school - that he would call me every day from now on to make sure I remembered to pick up the kids and he would try to make sure it didn't happen again.He was trying to make me feel like I was the one that was wrong, and if it wasn't for Sophie I might have felt he was right.He'd give me a false sense of security for a while, tell me I was doing fine, get confused, start wondering if I was sane, and then he'd do it all over again.

I know he told several other mothers to look out in case I got lost when I came to pick up the kids, or if I didn't pick up all three but only two.He put me in a tough situation.If he hadn't made a bad choice, I probably wouldn't have known about it.One of the women he picked was vicious by nature—something all women could spot, but few men could.While the other mothers he had told of were sympathetic to me even if they were a little skeptical, the vicious woman couldn't wait to be sarcastic and destroy me with eccentric words slightly hidden in honeyed words, though she would Smiling, but with an unmistakable gleam of pleasure in the apparent decay of others.

But I still had to cooperate, and even when he offered to use that dreaded schedule on the kitchen wall, I agreed that it was a good idea.Even a fool could see that the calendar wasn't there to remind me what to do, but to control me so that if Robert came home without saying hello - sometimes he likes to give me that way" Surprise"—he'd know exactly where I was.When he pressed 1471 on the phone to see who the last caller was, he made sure I kept every call recorded.Otherwise, he will be suspicious. And those cameras.He hides them well, but not well enough.I've always hated housework so much, but I did it anyway because it was my job, and I did it well.If I had to live in a cage, it was a gilded cage in every way.I lived a relatively luxurious life without freedom, so whenever I felt like crying, I would get on all fours and wipe the kitchen floor.If sitting quietly and doing nothing, seriously, if the room was clean enough, I would have very little to do - I'd be in a mood of depression and hopelessness, so I'd start right away Seriously wipe down those furniture.I know every nook and cranny of this house very well, which means that there are no secrets to me within these four walls, not even the beloved study that he locked up.But once again I played dumb and let him continue playing his game while I plotted my escape with Sophie's help the whole time.

Getting out of that house was easier than I thought.There are no cameras in the hallways or landings, and - thank God - in the kids' bathrooms.We didn't have a bathroom in our suite, so I got into the habit of taking a long shower every few days.I'd go into the bedroom, pretend to grab a bathrobe, pull my hair into a bun, pick some makeup from the dresser, and just disappear on camera for an hour and a half.Then I’d reappear in my bathrobe, lay in bed, read a book, and have a perfect, relaxing day. But I don't know how to make a final escape, and I don't have a penny to my name.I can't take money from household expenses because Robert knows where every penny goes.I'm going to make some money, and make it fast.

Sophie and I thought about a lot of ideas half-heartedly, the only one we were determined not to do was prostitution.But over the years I've done it in different ways - sleeping with a man who offered me a place to live but didn't love.Seriously, does it make a difference? Sophie offered to lend me money - my runaway fund - but how would I repay her?Moreover, the money she borrowed was definitely not enough.I need enough money to see us through until it's safe.I don't know how long this period will be. In the end we came up with a plan that had a silver lining.It's a dangerous plan, and there's a good chance it won't work, but I'll have to try.I borrowed 5,000 pounds from Sophie, all of which were used to invest in an online business.I had studied economics before, thankfully.Can I really make money this way?I bought the smallest laptop I could get and stashed it in a blanket box in the guest room, under all the bedding we had for our guests.The bedding hadn't been unpacked yet, so it was unlikely they would be used, and I knew Robert wouldn't find them.Sophie had already used her amazingly wide network to help me set up a fake identity and a bank account, and since all transactions were done online, it was very easy to do.

But it didn't go well at first.My decisions are based on short-term information, without really doing forward thinking and planning, I realize that the economic situation needs to be considered as a whole.By applying what I've learned and working hard on my own, my decision-making began to mature.The initial £4,000 invested was gone in no time, but at last I got the hang of it.I started to balance the risks, things started to improve, but the money was almost gone.The fear made me become overly cautious.I started making money, but it was too slow, so Sophie lent me another ten thousand pounds.If it fails, I may never repay the money.I had to make enough money to run away, and I had to find the confidence that I would continue to make money in the future, because Robert had to never find us.

Now I do.I was free, and it felt as though the clamps that had held our bodies and minds so tight had been loosened.I was finally able to sleep soundly at night and gradually stopped waking up every two or three hours to check that the kids were still where they were, safe, and by my side.It's been two weeks now and we've been well hidden.The children are all fine and they have adjusted well to life on the island.Right now I'm teaching them at home, but I hope it won't be long before they go to school with the other kids - when they get used to the new name. At first when I asked them to choose their favorite character's name from books and TV, they thought it was fun.Those were the names we used on vacation, but they stuck with it.Now Billy is Ben and Freddie is George - probably the toughest choice, but he's only four and I don't think we need to worry too much.Jaz became Ginny, and she really wanted to choose Hermione, but I asked her to choose another name from Harry Potter because Hermione was so easy to remember.Ginny was Ron Weasley's younger sister, and must have been a cool figure in Jaz's eyes.I'm Lynn now.I would have liked to have picked a more exotic name, but the name Lynn is simple, like Liv, and feels comfortable with it.

There were also a few dangerous situations where kids used fake names at home, but Robert never cared much about them, and he probably saw this as normal confusion among kids.Another time the hedgehogs from Alderney were on TV, and Jasmin's terrified look on her face was clearly revealing, poor kid.But I don't think Robert should have noticed. I knew from the beginning that no matter where I chose to be our new home, we would have to travel there before we finally escaped.No matter how we changed our appearance, it would have been very noticeable if a woman suddenly showed up there with three children, so we made two trips early to make sure we were as visible as possible.By the time the police finally have to report us missing, they won't be able to find our pictures, and no one here will think we're new.

The kids didn't ask a lot of questions.When Billy - no, I should call him Ben - asked me why I had to decorate my bedroom in my new home exactly like my bedroom in Manchester, I couldn't tell him the truth, but I didn't want to lie to them, so I said this It is to make the house feel more like home.That phase is over now, but seven nights last week I spent seven nights in bed pretending to be at home in Manchester, video calling Robert.I can't wait to tear this room apart and replace every single cushion in fuchsia, the color that keeps popping up in my nightmares.Tomorrow I'm going to get a big box and stuff every iconic piece of furniture in it out of my sight.

I even had to make a room look bland enough to be a typical B&B with the obligatory pair of patterned cushions - in a color that was neither too masculine nor too feminine It's a beautiful baby blue color - placed at a certain angle against the pillows, with a matching bed runner in the back third of the bed, stacked high and neatly folded Pack of clean towels.I know that when I video with Robert, he will ask to look around the room and see the scenery outside through the window. Fortunately, I can show him a long stretch of sandy beach.There was nothing here that would make him think I was somewhere other than Anglesey, not even an ice cream van, just a long stretch of bright white sand.He made sure everything was the way it should be, and I picked a good camouflage location.Robert had never been to Kemais Bay (north of Anglesey), and he couldn't tell the difference. The kids couldn't believe how lucky they were to live so close to the beach every day instead of just the holidays, which made them forget about everything else.They can enjoy three or four months of this until the winter takes over and maybe I can send them to school by then, but I don't know yet.As long as Robert exists on Earth, I'm not sure we're safe because he's made it clear that he's not ready to live without me. But for now, I feel safe.Nothing would guide him to us, and gradually I began to relax.