Chapter 33 Chapter Thirty-Two

Some people think that freedom is everyone's right, but I'm going to fight for my freedom, and it's a long, hard fight. The battle started when Robert took my children.On Monday, he took me to a place so dark that I couldn't even imagine it.I thought I'd been through the worst thing in my life, through every dark and hopeless hell, but it was nothing compared to the fear of losing my children, which was exactly what Robert wanted.It was a warning, a taste of what it would be like not to accept his control.From that day on, I knew we would never sleep in bed again, and the threat Robert might bring hung over me like a dark cloud.

My only option is to leave him, but how can that be done?I have no money and no access to money.I can't leave any clues, once he finds out my thoughts, the consequences will be disastrous. The years since Dan left weren't all that bad, but for the short time I was with him, I felt as though my soul was alive, like a bubble was bubbling up inside me, and I was alive. shoot.There was never a bubble when I was with Robert, but I was willing to accept the silence.After Dan left and what happened to my parents, peace and composure seemed to be exactly what I needed, but as the years went by, I began to realize that it wasn't enough.But that was before I fully understood it—before I understood why I lost Dan.

I felt as if there was a sense of deadness lurking inside me that was eating away at my inner peace, replacing it with a dark space that turned a vacuum into a place where emotions were supposed to be stored.This dead stillness grew, penetrating every corner of my soul, reaching out dark tentacles and suppressing all my natural reactions. When Robert took the children away, two things happened.I realized that I had to drive away this dead silence and allow myself to be reborn.Not for myself, but for the children.I also had to figure out a way to use my dull brain to find a way out of the horrible life I was stuck in.But I don't know what to do, and every solution I can think of is full of loopholes.

I can't just walk away, I know what Robert will do if I do.And he was so smart that he managed to make my mental health questionable, and everyone in our ever-shrinking tiny world felt like I couldn't live on my own without Robert's help.In the eyes of outsiders, he is taking care of me and responding to my needs. But what I want is freedom. Why do I have to write down every action I make when I interact with other people, when the calendar posted on the kitchen wall is there to help me?Robert said that if he came home unexpectedly and I wasn't there, he needed to know where I was.

But why? I felt like I was in a cage, controlled and watched.I know he's spying on me, he can't stand me out of his sight, just the thought of me having friends - even if it's just the mother of another kid at school - brings out the darkest side of Robert and he's going to destroy me The action will increase a level. But it's not me that worries me, it's the kids.There was only one center of Robert's obsession, and that was me.To him, children are just another weapon in his armory. From the day Robert took the children, I spent six months trying to find a way to escape, but I had neither the money nor the ability to get all of us to a safe place until I found Sophie again.From that moment on, I started to look forward to it again.

It was not easy for me to maintain my usual image in front of Robert while still being alive inside, but I did it and I can only hope he never finds us.Nobody knew where we were, not even Sophie.Sophie especially can't know, she's my only contact.She had a lot of information, but I couldn't tell her where we were because I knew Robert the man. I'm starting to worry about Sophie.It wasn't like her that she was supposed to call me last night and I didn't hear from her.She has been amazing from the start and I simply would not have been able to get through the last eighteen months without her.And she gave me a precious gift.That day was the first time I went to see her since I married Robert, and she brought Danash back to me.

"Dan loves you, Liv," she said. "No matter what happened, I never doubted it. Samir felt very guilty for what he did. But he felt that what he did did to his Best for my brother. It's been a long time, but anyway, you now have a husband and three kids to worry about, and tell me all about them." But I can't tell her.I couldn't do it that day.I can't speak after hearing about Dan.Most of all, it made me realize how much I missed Sophie and loved the company of other women, but somehow lost touch with the real world and isolated myself.I promised Sophie would come and see her again and she offered to visit our house and see the kids, but I couldn't let that happen.Robert wouldn't like it.He'd never met Sophie, but he would hate her just for the fact that I loved her.

I waited a few weeks for an opportunity, pretty sure Robert wouldn't be checking my whereabouts at that time.He was always complaining about a presentation he was going to do, and I know when that presentation is going to be.This gave me about an hour and twenty minutes of free time—very rare in my life—and during those few tens of minutes, I felt like I was breathing again. I selected some pictures to show Sophie, and drove quickly to her house.I figured out the round trip time, and we were able to spend forty minutes together, which was a great blessing to me.I couldn't tell her in advance that I was going - that way her number would be in the call log and Robert would get my cell phone bill.So I can only pray that she is home, and she is.

Sophie hasn't seen Jaz since she was two months old and I know she'll be amazed when she sees the picture that my daughter has grown into such a beautiful seven-year-old.Jaz is almost nine years old now, and she's gotten more and more beautiful with each passing day.Sophie, of course, never met my two sons, both of whom had shiny blond hair that overshadowed their sister's black silky locks - and as a family, we really stood out.That's why Billy's hair is now dyed a dark brown and Freddie's is cut short to look bald. Sophie wanted to know everything about us: where Robert and I met, where we lived.I remember playing the role of the happy wife and talking to her about all we had and how close we were.But I don't think she was fooled by me.She must have known something was wrong because something was wrong with me.I'm not who I used to be, she can see that.I'm not Liv anymore.

As her eyes grew sharper, I fished the pictures out of my bag. "God, she's so beautiful," Sophie screamed when she saw Jasmine's picture, "She looks exotic, but based on her genetics, it's not surprising, is it? I usually Don't say that about men, but Danash is really handsome, isn't he?" I didn't reply, just rearranged the pictures, first Billy's, then Freddie's.She took the requisite two minutes to compliment them, but it was clear she was more interested in what kind of man I was with after Dan. "Let me see him. Don't do that, don't hide your samurai in fancy armor." By then she knew how Robert and I met.

I found one of the rare photos of Robert and me that Jasmine took when I let her use my camera the last time we went on vacation.Sophie laughed out loud looking at the photo, and then I felt her smile force even though her expression remained the same. "Tell me again how you met Robert," she asked without looking up at me. So I told her again how I met Robert, even though I had explained how Robert was the one who bought my apartment and how he saved me when my world came crashing down, he was how kind.Everything I say is true.My unhappiness now does not affect our happiness back then. "Where did he go to college?" she asked.It was a weird question, but I told her it was the University of Manchester, like us. "Did you never see him before that?" she asked.I started to worry.What's wrong with Sophie?She handed me the photo, bent over and took my hands, and looked into my eyes, the first time she'd seen my eyes since seeing that photo. "Do you remember when I told you how much the boys in college loved you?" She said without waiting for me to reply, "I was worried about one of the boys. He would show up in any situation, just watching .Remember? I told you that but you just laughed it off and I called him 'Scary Man'." I was baffled by this passage, and could only stare blankly at Sophie, who I'm sure could see my confusion. "You probably didn't even look at him until he bought your apartment. But I can assure you, he's seen you before, a thousand times. He knows exactly who you are." "I swear to you, we've never met before. Otherwise I'd remember." "Liv, this man used to follow you everywhere. You didn't believe me at the time, but he followed you wherever you went. I don't know how to explain it to you, Robert...he is that scary man."