Chapter 6 5. Lovers' Ashes

For the next two or three days, I asked for leave consecutively, locked myself in my room and did not want to come out, which made my mother, brother and sister-in-law very worried.Except for going out to attend the funeral of the first generation, I never left the house. As the days passed, my grief became more real and my experience more profound.The first generation and I have only dated for a short nine months, but the depth and intensity of love is not determined by the length of time.In less than thirty years of my career, I have tasted all kinds of sorrows, but there is no deeper sorrow than the loss of the first generation.When I was nineteen, I lost my father, and the next year I lost my only sister. I was also very sad because I was weak by nature, but these were completely incomparable with the loss of the first generation.Love is really wonderful, it will bring people the unparalleled joy in the world, and at the same time it is accompanied by the greatest sorrow in the world.Fortunately or unfortunately, I have never experienced the pain of losing a relationship, but no matter what kind of loss it is, I can bear it.When you are broken in love, the other party becomes a stranger who has nothing to do with you.But the love between me and the first generation has brought us together, crossed all kinds of obstacles, yes, as I often describe, wrapped in a pink cloud from nowhere, me and her are both physically and mentally one .I even feel that even relatives can't be merged into one like this. Only the first generation is the unique other half of my life.But the first generation is gone.If she died of illness, there was still time to take care of her, but after she said goodbye to me happily, she became a wax figure that could no longer speak in just a dozen hours, lying in front of me in a horrible way.She was brutally murdered, and her weak heart was brutally pierced by someone who didn't know who the murderer was.

I read the letters she sent me repeatedly, weeping while reading, and opened the token of love she gave me—the genealogy of her ancestors. The picture of the seaside scenery in her dream that she drew on the first night brought tears to her eyes.I don't want to talk to people, I don't want to see anyone, I just want to be shut in my small study, with my eyes closed, alone with the now-dead First Generation.I just want to talk to her alone in my heart. The morning after her funeral, it occurred to me that I was going out.My sister-in-law asked me: "Are you going to the company?" I went out without replying.Of course I didn't go to the company, nor did I go to condolences to the mother of the first generation.That morning, the bone-picking ceremony of the first generation will be held.Ah, I go to taboo places to see the mournful ashes of my dead lover.

I was just in time for the ceremony, and I ran into the first-generation mother and relatives holding long chopsticks and holding the bone-picking ceremony.After paying my untimely condolences to her mother, I stood in front of the cremation furnace in a daze.At this time, no one stopped my rude behavior.I saw Yin Zhan roughly smashing the ashes with golden fire chopsticks.Then, like a metallurgist looking for some kind of metal in the slag of a crucible, he picked out the teeth of the dead at random and put them in the small containers he had prepared.I can almost feel a dull ache somewhere in my body when I see my lover being treated casually like a "thing".However, I didn't regret coming over.Because I started with an innocent purpose.

While no one was looking, I stole a handful of ashes from the iron plate--a part of my lover that was tragically reduced to ashes. (Ah, what a shame I have written.) Then fled to a wide field nearby, and uttered the words of love aloud like a madman, and threw it—the ashes, the ashes, Lovers—swallowed into the stomach. I collapsed on the grass, writhing in agony from the abnormal excitement. "I want to die! I want to die!" I shouted and rolled.For a long time, I just lay there.But the shame is, I wasn't strong enough to die.I can't afford the traditional idea of ​​killing myself so that I can reunite with my lover in the underworld.On the contrary, I made a firm determination not wanting to die.A determination second only to the traditional practice of suicide.

I hate the murderer who takes my beloved.This is not so much to comfort the spirit of the first generation in heaven, but rather to hate myself.I curse the murderer from the bottom of my heart.Regardless of the prosecutor's suspicion or the police's judgment, I can't believe that the mother of the first generation is the murderer anyway.But since the first generation was killed by someone, even if there is no trace of the thief coming in and out, the murderer must exist.I couldn't figure out who the murderer was, which aggravated my anxiety and deepened my hatred.I lay on my back on that wild land, staring at the dazzling sun in the clear sky thousands of miles away, and when my eyes were darkened, I made this oath:

"No matter what, I will find the murderer and avenge the first generation!" Readers also know that I am decadent and introverted. How can I make such a firm determination?And how can I muster up the courage—like foreign energy suddenly injected into my body, and then I broke into various dangers?In hindsight, I find it unbelievable that maybe all of this was caused by a lost relationship.Love is a wonderful thing. It sometimes pushes people to the peak of joy, sometimes it pushes people to the abyss of sadness, and sometimes it gives people unparalleled strength.After a while, I woke up from the excitement and found myself still lying in the same place, calming down a little, thinking about what to do next.Just as I was thinking about it, I suddenly thought of a person.His name is already known to readers, that is Kokichi Miyamaki, whom I call amateur detective.In fact, all of this should be handed over to the police, but I can't be reconciled if I don't personally find out the murderer.Although I don't like the word "detective", I am determined to play the role of "detective" and investigate everything with my own hands.There is no better person to discuss this matter with than my peculiar friend Kokichi Miyamaki.I got up and headed straight to the nearby provincial line station—to visit the Miyamaki family who lived near the coast of Kamakura.

Readers, I was young then.Lost himself in the hatred of his lover being brutally murdered.I can't imagine how much difficulty and danger I will encounter in the future, what kind of hell will lie in front of me... If I can predict any of them, if I can predict that my life-and-death determination will even take away my life. The life of my beloved friend Miyama Ki Kokichi, perhaps I will not swear such a shocking vow of revenge.But at that time, I didn’t expect this at all. Regardless of success or failure, I set a goal first. station.