Chapter 22 Chapter 21, "Kang Zhengxing, I'm Sorry.", 1999.

Kang Zhengxing I rented an old house near Shilin, near the river embankment. The house was not big and old, but I placed a small spring bed in the room, and some simple furniture (probably second-hand.), a small radio that looked comfortable enough. There is a big tree outside the door, and the falling leaves always look scattered on the window sill. The score of the college entrance examination was really not high, at least much lower than what my dad expected. Although I still filled in the social work department of a private university in Taipei, my dad forced me to prepare for the re-examination.After a family revolution, I promised my dad that I would go to Taipei to take tuition first, and when school starts, I will study for university and prepare for next year's university exam at the same time.

My dad was worried that I was fooling around in Taipei, so he bought me a mobile phone (this is the first mobile phone in my life, a Dolphin phone.), and he also asked me to do whatever I was doing as long as I saw a call from home. I have to answer, so I often keep it turned off, pretending the battery keeps dying. And after graduating from high school and before the start of university, I went to Taipei alone from the east, looking for a place to live, looking for a cram school, and waiting for my dad to transfer 10,000 yuan to my account every month. However, it cannot be said that there is only "I" alone.

Du Huijia also came to Taipei. She was admitted to the Department of Foreign Languages ​​of National University. Not far from where I lived, she found an apartment on the fifth floor to share with another girl.These days, she often knocks on my door with something she cooked, and I say no every time, to bother her, but she just said that she is not used to eating dinner alone anyway. Also, Yu Shouheng, he was admitted to the Sports University of Taipei as a matter of course, and now he lives in the boys' dormitory of their school. He often calls me and tells me that his mobile phone is on now, and I can call him if there is anything to do.

I originally thought that after graduating from high school, I would go my separate ways and everything would be different.In the end, no, except that I came to the city of Taipei from that town in the east. Except for the different schools, we were not in the same class. The only two friends and I still met from time to time. It made me cry in vain when I sang Lige in the chorus at the high school graduation ceremony. Yu Shouheng called me a few days ago and said that on the first day of their school, September 20th, that is, tomorrow night, their department will hold a welcome dance, and asked me if I want to go together, I just casually Write this message on a note and place it in front of the desk, next to Faye Wong's new album "Only Love Strangers" (when I bought it, I listened to "Overthrow" more than a dozen times).

Why are you looking for me? He said that the prom requires that you must bring your companions to attend. I don't want to think about it, because every time I think about it, it's just a random thought. God, what the hell am I thinking?I was confused myself, what kind of cranky thinking ended up with cranky thinking? In fact, since the day of the inexplicable swimming competition in the third year of high school, our relationship has gradually become different, but I am not sure which is the difference. The dialogue between us has become blurred, and even many actions seem to be different. Ambiguous (not the kind of ambiguous ambiguous.).

Until now, I still wonder whether the friendship we have now is because of the habit of these years, or because we can avoid something from each other? But the only thing I can be sure of is that as we grow up, the two of us have more and more secrets about ourselves. "Hello? I'm, well, let's make an appointment at McDonald's, okay, see you later." He is not Yu Shouheng. He is a senior in our department, my direct senior in the last year, we met at the welcome dinner a few days ago, he is very tall, I am not sure how tall, but he should be taller than Yu Shouheng, he likes to laugh He is a little more shy than Yu Shouheng when he smiles. Although he doesn't often play basketball, he is not inferior to Yu Shouheng in sports, and his IQ must be far higher than Yu Shouheng.

Damn it, why do I keep comparing it with Yu Shouheng? He behaves quite maturely and is used to taking care of other people. He usually calls me to ask me about my condition, am I full?Have you read the timetable?Don’t forget to buy the books on the book list. If you don’t buy them, he will borrow them from me first. Which professor in the school is particularly difficult to deal with. Don’t eat in the student cafeteria, etc. Anyway, it is 150,000 times better than Yu Shouheng. "Kang Zhengxing!" I heard the sound of a motorcycle outside the door. This is Yu Shouheng, riding his own wild wolf called "Spyder No. 2" (it is said that he had a long fight with Yu's mother before his mother agreed to buy it for him.), He would still come to me after practice at school, but I usually didn't pay much attention to him, and just focused on repeating the test questions issued by the cram school.

And he, occasionally took a nap on my bed, occasionally just took a few bags of local products sent by Yu's mother, and occasionally just pestered me, saying that he found something interesting in Taipei again, and when I finished the second college entrance examination After that, go together again. I opened the door and he burst into my room, still full of energy. "Today we defeated the class of seniors, eighty-nine to sixty-one, and they lost badly," he said. "Yes." I continued to sit down at the desk and flipped through the book. "We'll have dinner together later."

"I've got a date," I said. "There's a secret." He looked at me speculatively. so what? His cell phone rang, he glanced at it, but didn't answer. "You have a secret, right?" I retorted. "Forget it, I'll find someone else to eat with." He turned around and took the hard hat, opened the door, and then poked his head in again. "Oh, by the way, don't forget, September 20th, tomorrow night." "Let's talk." I replied casually. "You must come, I have something to tell you." "What's up?"

"You'll know tomorrow." What's the matter again?Does this guy have any terrible plans or ideas? He didn't say much, just smiled at me, then turned and closed the door, and rode away on his little wild wolf. Forget it, anyway, I'm used to the astonishment he brought me. I picked out a rather eye-catching shirt to put on, and the denim was only one hundred and one pieces, so that’s it, I didn’t really want to go to this dance that much. Forget it, I'm actually looking forward to it, what exactly is he going to tell me? Yu Shouheng said he would pick me up later. I had already changed my clothes and put on my shoes. I sat on the bed and looked at my watch. It was past seven o'clock.

A little tired, I lay down and didn't want to think about anything. Just a few images flashed through my mind, like the sixth grade of elementary school. Once, he secretly took my homework and took it home without telling me. The next day, because I didn’t do my homework, the teacher was punished during my lunch break. When he was punished to stand, he came to me and said sorry, and then he stood with me outside the classroom for a whole hour. Another time, probably in the second year of middle school, he broke the globe of the biology teacher, and was punished by the teacher, who asked him to write five hundred "biology teacher, I'm sorry." on the blackboard after school.And I was the little biology teacher in the class at that time, and I was also asked by my tutor to stay after school, watching Yu Shouheng finish the five hundred times. I sat helplessly at the desk and counted his scribbled handwriting until After finishing the last one, he wrote the 501st one, which was "Kang Zhengxing, I'm sorry." The third time was when he was a sophomore in high school. I watched from the sidelines in a basketball game that he lost the most in history. He didn’t give up until the end. However, he still lost the game by a huge margin, I know He was very discouraged and wanted to comfort him, but he told me, "I'm sorry, I won't lose next time." Sorry how hard it was for him to say that. And I, collected three times. "Kang Zhengxing! Come out!" I was woken up by Yu Shouheng's voice outside the door, and I hurriedly got up and looked at my watch. It was past 8:30, and he was late for more than half an hour, but I didn't ask the reason. I just straddled his wild wolf and put my hands on the seat. The handle at the back, and then he rushed to the school at an extremely fast speed. I thought it was my phone ringing, I took it out of my pocket, it wasn't. From another pocket, I took out his mobile phone that Yu Shouheng asked me to put away for him just now, and I took a look, it was his call, and I just hung up. When we arrived at his school, outside the auditorium where the dance was held, it was already full of people, but I didn’t know any of them, but he would say hello whenever he saw one. Some people asked Yu Shouheng, the boy next to him who is it?He replied, best friend. best friend?Yep, no one is more entitled to be called his best friend than anyone else, and, well, maybe we're not just that. God, I'm cranky again. He hooked my shoulders and led me into the dance floor. The dance floor was still full of people, and the loud music shook the entire auditorium. I could barely hear it except for the screams from the dance floor. any word said. He got me a seat, went to the bar, got two cans of beer, opened one of them, and handed it to me. "I don't drink." I whispered in his ear. "It's okay." He took a big gulp by himself. "What on earth are you going to tell me?" I put forward the main point of tonight first. "Take a sip first, and I'll tell you later." I'm having a hard time deciding, but I think, number one, I'm eighteen, and number two, everybody's drinking anyway, and number three, it's a bad excuse anyway. I decided to go all out, so I picked up the beer, took a sip, and held it in my mouth. It was bitter and astringent, but it was not as hard to swallow as I imagined. I took another sip, it was icy and cool, with a feeling of overall comfort, overall comfort?I laughed myself thinking about it, and sure enough, drinking beer made me even think old-fashioned. "So are you going to tell me?" "Wait, I'm going to go to the bathroom first." He asked me for his cell phone and walked out of the auditorium. I sat here alone, drank a few more sips, and suddenly remembered that my life now is completely different from my life half a year ago. I don’t know if this is a feeling called "growing up" , at least half a year ago, I never thought about what it means to "grow up". There are several couples dancing on the dance floor. They look like standard "Taipei people". They look like Taipei people, dress like Taipei people, talk like Taipei people, and are boys and girls from Taipei.I didn't think I was so unlike Taipei people, but the more I looked at them, the more I felt that my outfit was actually full of "country". Thinking of this, I smirked again inexplicably. I felt my face was hot, my body was also warm, and my heart was beating very fast, as if following the beat of music. I picked up a beer and found it was empty. Why hasn't Yu Shouheng come back yet? What the hell is he trying to say to me? I will miss Yu Shouheng, I don’t know, it’s just a kind of miss that I haven’t seen for a long time. I went to the bar myself, got a second bottle of beer, came back and sat down, opened the beer can, and waited for him. Although they were all pretty on the dance floor, they were still not as good-looking as Yu Shouheng. What the hell am I thinking?My head seems to be a little dizzy, making me dizzy and dizzy. There is a feeling of exhaustion that has been lingering. I want to see him, not the people in front of me. The smell I want to smell is not the smell of perfume on these people. The eyes I want to see are not the way they look at me. The eyes, the sounds I want to hear, not these beats and their playfulness, I think, I can't think what I'm thinking. I want to close my eyes and lie down. Someone patted me on the shoulder, I opened my eyes, and it was Yu Shouheng standing beside me, the lights around him outlined his figure, I was thinking, have I seen this picture before? "Kang Zhengxing, what I want to tell you about." "What is it?" My heart beat faster and faster, as if something would come out of his mouth, which would change me. "What I'm saying is, I'm in love." I know the feeling. "You know that person too." What the hell is he talking about? "Du Huijia?" She was wearing a well-fitting small suit and stood behind Yu Shouheng. She lowered her head and did not speak, Du Huijia?Du? Hui? Jia? "To Huijia and I have decided to be together." What?Did he make a mistake?No, did I make a mistake?Yu Shouheng and Du Huijia? I don't know where the feeling of dizziness just now went. Now I am a kind of sober, and amazed, sober after amazed. The two of them are my two best friends and my two favorite people. "Why?" I asked. The two of them didn't answer. I thought it was too loud and they didn't hear them. I asked again, very loudly. "why?" Why are they still not answering? I push them both away, I can't breathe, I want to throw up, I want to be quiet, I feel angry or humiliated, I don't know, I just don't want to be here, I want to rush out the door. I walk across the crowded dance floor, I don't know where to go?People are everywhere, I can't find a way out of here, it looks the same everywhere. Suddenly a hand grabbed me, I turned my head to see, it was still Yu Shouheng. "I'm sorry," he said. Sorry?Sorry?Why on earth did he say sorry? I pushed his hand away forcefully. "Why are you doing this?" he said. "How about me?" "How do I know how you are?" he said. "I'm fine." "Can we stop doing this and that?" he said. "Then what exactly do you want?" "You didn't come to my game last time, but To Huijia came." He said. What's the point?What's the point? "Why do I have to watch your game?" "Do you like her too?" he said. "I didn't like her, me, me." I really didn't know how to answer. He looked at me with a guilty look, which I have collected before. Sure enough, I'm not used to the astonishment he brought me. I don't know why, I just want to say loudly to him, I'm fed up, I'm fed up with everything, I'm fed up with his inexplicable every time, I'm fed up with his self-righteous every time, I'm fed up with it Enough of him taking it for granted, I'm tired of him never caring about my feelings, I'm tired of watching him play basketball, I'm tired of him saying sorry, I'm tired of this beer in my hand, I'm sick of it Enough of the loud music, I've had enough of my own stupidity, I've had enough of the rest. "Aren't we best friends?" He said to me again, grabbing my arm. "What about friends?" "We've been best friends since elementary school?" he said. "Who's your best friend?" I yelled at him. "I never wanted to be your friend!" He let go of his hand, stunned. "That's what the primary school teacher asked me to be your friend! I don't want to be your friend at all!" I didn't care what the people around me thought of me, I just wanted to yell at him. "He wants me to be good friends with a bad student like you, so I will have a model student award, you understand?" "He wants me to see if you do bad things every day! He wants me to watch if you do your homework every day! He wants me to pretend to be your friend! Do you understand?" "I don't want to be dragged down by you at all! I don't want to copy your homework! I don't want to waste time watching you play basketball! I don't want to be your friend at all! Do you understand?" As soon as I finished speaking, I rushed out of the auditorium quickly.Yu Shouheng didn't catch up again, I walked for a while, and found the bus stop in the bus booth, acting like an idiot. As soon as I got home, I looked at the alarm clock. It was past ten o'clock. I took out the mobile phone in my pocket. All the missed calls were from my dad, Wutong. I don't think I have the energy to make a phone call, I just fell on the bed, I was thinking, why can I blurt out this secret from childhood to adulthood, I can't find it, I don't want to hurt him, but why can't I not hurt him, " I didn't want to be your friend.", "I didn't want to be your friend.", "I didn't want to be just your friend.". So why am I now, but I haven't shed any tears?Why do I feel that there is a very empty black hole in my heart, so all my feelings are sucked in, I even lose the ability to cry, and even sadness feels ridiculous. I don't know how long after that, I was so tired that I fell asleep. I don't want to dream, but I still dreamed of me in the sixth grade of elementary school. In the tutor's office, the teacher called me to him and whispered to me. "Kang Zhengxing, you are the class monitor, you have to help Yu Shouheng, and you have to be his good friend. This is a secret between the teacher and you. Don't tell anyone else." This dream really sucks. I was suddenly woken up by the sound of the phone, I looked at the caller ID, it was Yu Shouheng. I didn't want to answer but I pressed the button anyway, I didn't speak. I just heard, he said, he was in the hospital, he said, he had a car accident, he said, he wants to see me now.