Chapter 7 Section VII

When I was promoted to the third year of high school, I changed the classroom to study, and no one will share the drawer with me from now on. Because our school has 20 classes in one grade, but there are only 6 classes in one grade in the make-up school. Every time we go up to a grade, we will change buildings, but the make-up school is in the same building from senior one to senior three. When I took classes in another building, she also switched classrooms, but remained in the same building. Simply put, we no longer overlap at the same point on the coordinates of space. Without her in the third year of high school, it is like there is no Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva in hell.

I can only endure torture until the day of reincarnation arrives, and no one can save me. I often take out those photocopied papers to read, and I can almost recite the content backwards. Although I don't know how to take the entrance exam, I memorize it better than any subject. In the upper left corner of the blackboard in the third grade classroom, there is always a number written in red chalk. That means how many days are left before the entrance exam. When other students saw it, they might be vigilant; but when I saw the red number, I often think of her inexplicably. Then the words on the note will appear on the blackboard, and I often lose my mind in class because of this.

One day I had a whim, or should I say a spur of the moment, and I stayed on campus after school. I walked downstairs to the building where I was a sophomore in high school and waited for the make-up students to come to class. When it was almost 6 o'clock, the make-up students walked into the classrooms of that building one after another. "Maybe I can meet her!" I thought so, and my heartbeat gradually accelerated. The heartbeat only accelerated for a while, and was suddenly stopped urgently. Because then I remembered that I hadn't seen her at all, and I didn't even know her name and class.

My previous thought was correct, if someone leisurely enjoys the dusk on the campus after school, Then he must have collapsed under the pressure of entering school, or gone crazy. In some way, I should be broken or crazy. I also forgot to go to the cram school class that day. In the second semester of the third year of high school, the Ministry of Education lifted the hair ban, and my hair finally no longer looks like a hedgehog. I found that I was a little better than Gu Long, at least "Faban" would appear in novels again. Occasionally I think, my hair has grown a little, will she still recognize me?

But then he couldn't help laughing, we have never met before, how can we recognize it or not. If you don't remember it, you can't forget it. Even though I have entered the final sprint stage one month before the entrance exam, I still think of her. She borrowed my tape, and I didn't have time to return her. Whenever I read at the desk at night, I always like to listen to her tapes. Sometimes I imagine that she is holding the guitar and playing and singing "Diamonds and Rust" by herself. "Does it sound good?" I can almost hear her asking. The results of the joint entrance examination have been released, and I was admitted to Chenggong University, not only in the same city as my alma mater,

And it's next to my alma mater. Therefore, I often pass by my alma mater, and occasionally look at the building where I attended classes in my second year of high school. That building seems to be the only memory I have of my alma mater. When I was a freshman, there were two female classmates in my class; when I was a sophomore, they both changed departments. My youth from then on was like a martial arts novel. Almost all the people walking around me were boys. As time went by, I began to have doubts about humans of a different gender from mine. Whenever I see a girl on campus, my mind will always come up in sequence:

"Is this a beauty?", "Should this be a beauty?", "Is this a beauty?" these three levels of problems. Luckily, we try to find ways to meet girls, be it pen pals or socials. I have made three pen pals in total, each of which ended without a problem, and I have never met each other. I was so excited when I made my first pen pal because it reminded me of her. It's a pity that writing a letter is quite different from writing a note. A letter is almost a kind of article, like a composition. It's not like the unconstrained style on the note, or even the random graffiti.

The first pen pal was a serious girl, who often talked about life philosophy and the like in the letters. "If you want your watermelon to taste sweeter, add salt. That's life." It's so profound, and so ethereal. My life philosophy is much simpler, that is, I have nothing to do every day, and I will always have money to spend. The second pen pal is an overly vivacious girl who usually begins her letter with: "Hello Brother Ganchai, I am Sister Liaohuo." After all, I am a loyal and honest type, and I can’t say it even if I am killed: "Let's burn!"

The third pen pal should be stingy, and always put a layer of transparent glue on the stamp on the envelope, When postmarking in this way, it will only cover the dried glue. Cut the stamp from the envelope and soak it in water for a while to peel off the glue on the surface of the stamp. We wrote several times, each time with the same stamp. I remember that when I passed notes to her, the topic of meeting would be cleverly avoided. But no matter which pen pal I correspond with, we always talk generously about "meeting". It's a pity that they are not in the same city as me, maybe because they are lazy or less impulsive,

In the end we couldn't meet each other. Over time, the interest in writing letters faded, so we cut off communication. I didn't keep the letters they wrote, and I didn't even know why they disappeared. I have been to the social activities in college several times, and every time I met a very nice girl, When the fellowship is over, you want to take action. Some people say that the best men make women impulsive; The average man impresses a woman. But no matter what I did, the girls were unmoved. I once worked up the courage to call and ask a girl out for dinner or a movie after a friendship.

The other party replied: "I'm so sorry, I have already promised others." I also once wrote a letter to a girl who I was able to get along with in a fellowship, and the other party wrote back: "Huanjun's Pearl is weeping, wishing not to meet when she was not married." In other words, after the fellowship is over, the story is over, and even the name is not left in memory. It was the early 1990s when I graduated from university. I went on to graduate school, and although the course load was heavy, there were still social activities with girls. It may be that I am older and know how to get along with the opposite sex; it may also be that luck has improved, In the fellowship activities of the institute, I met two girls successively. They almost became my girlfriends. The first girl didn't talk much, and she looked very quiet, but she seemed a little sentimental. Once when we were walking on the street, Wen Jingnv stopped suddenly, her eyes flushed. "What's wrong with you?" I asked. "Don't you think the color of the sun today is very sad?" Wen Jingnu replied. The other time was an outing in the countryside, with fresh air, cool breeze and beautiful scenery. Wen Jingnv burst into tears. "What's wrong with you?" I asked. "It's spring!" Wen Jingnu replied, "It's spring that makes me cry." I felt that being with such a girl was too much pressure, so it didn't take long for me to break up. The second girl is very delicate, but her personality is really illusory. Delicate girls cry when they are happy, cry when they are angry, cry when they are touched, cry when they are bored, and don't cry when they are sad. Laugh when sad. But the appearance of the delicate girl laughing when she is sad is really weird, so I can only say: "Please keep crying." "Although you are a good person, we are not suitable. Please don't come to me again in the future." After the delicate girl finished speaking, she laughed again. Although it is a good thing to be separated from the delicate girl, it is still sad to hear a girl say so on her own initiative. I remember that day when I got home, I stuck the temperature test card she gave me to my forehead. I've had this near-involuntary movement over the years since she left. But in the past, there would always be a green smile pattern, but this time it was an orange frown. I don't know if this is because the body catches a cold? Still suffering from a cold? I have never been taught how to get along with the opposite sex, so I can only move forward by groping. During this period, I may have been injured a little bit, or I may have accidentally hurt someone. After each short story with a girl, I always think of her. I also often fantasize that if it were her, the story should have a happy ending. Then I will take out those 40 photocopied papers and recall the past in detail. Although these 40 sheets of paper are just photocopies of words, they are actually photocopies of memories. Whether it is three years later, five years later, ten years later or even longer, As long as I read these words, I can clearly remember every day and everything at that time, And every touch. Some things have life but no emotion; some things have emotion but no life. The teacher who likes to be a student in the university is the former, The 40 sheets of photocopied paper are the latter. After graduating from the research institute, I went to the army. At that time, the graduates of the research institute were the second lieutenant platoon leader. Maybe because I am a gentle platoon leader, brothers in the platoon often cry to me about my girlfriend's change of heart. I have no experience of being abandoned by my lover, I can only try to experience and comfort. Then I will be glad that I have never been with her, and naturally there is no problem of losing. Life during the military service is very simple and depressing, just follow orders and don't think about whether it is reasonable or not. I feel as though I have become dumber and slower to react because I use less of my brain. I only use my brain when I lie in bed late at night and accidentally think of her. Sometimes when I couldn't sleep, I would secretly take out those 40 sheets of paper and read the words on them word by word. Perhaps because of this, I dreamed of her many times during this period. But her face was always blurred in the dream, only the guitar she was holding was clear. Occasionally, I can still hear the guitar and her singing in my dreams. I served as a soldier for two years, and it was the mid-1990s when I was discharged. At this time the Internet is quietly rising. I started surfing the Internet, and thus met a few netizens, and often passed water polo to them. Although this way of communicating information is very similar to passing notes with her in high school, But when I passed notes to her before, it took ten days to go back and forth ten times; It took less than ten minutes to go back and forth ten times on the Internet. Feelings are sometimes like grape juice turning into wine, it takes time to brew and ferment. It's a pity that things on the Internet are too fast, and there is less time for brewing and fermentation. Therefore, the accumulated emotions come and go quickly. When I was discharged from the army, I found an engineering consulting company to work in Tainan, and the job was pretty good. But it is often necessary to socialize with contractors. Places for entertainment are usually dimly lit, foreign wine is expensive, and there are too many girls. I remember the first time I walked into a social venue, when I saw Yingying and Yanyan, I was so scared that I ran out of the door. Although I am not used to this kind of entertainment, I can't push it away. I had no choice but to sit in a corner and pretend to be autistic. Once a woman sat close to me and talked endlessly about her rough life experience. Speaking of sadness, I cried like a dead parent. "Anyway, it's rough!" The woman came to a conclusion and burst into tears again, so her parents died again. Colleagues secretly told me that women here like to pretend to be pitiful with honest-looking men. Because they think that the more honest and honest a man is, the easier it is for them to spend their wealth. My colleague is right, because I have an honest face and sit in the honest corner, So I heard a total of four women tell four rough stories, And every ups and downs story is almost the same ups and downs. "Anyway, it's rough!" Even the conclusions are exactly the same. I felt that the honest and honest me was not suitable for listening to rough stories, so I actively prepared for the college entrance examination. Two years after I was discharged from the army, I took the civil service college entrance examination and was distributed to my unit in Taitung. When I left Tainan, it was exactly 10 years since I graduated from high school, and 11 years since she left. My life in Taitung was pure and regular, after all I was a law-abiding civil servant. There are very few female colleagues in the unit, and most of them are married, so I have no choice but to abstain from desires. I live alone in a rented house, and I usually stay in front of the TV when I get home from get off work. Once the old movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's" was played on TV, When I saw Audrey Hepburn sitting on the windowsill holding a guitar and singing "Moon River" by herself, I actually thought of her. I've never met her, don't know if she looks like Audrey Hepburn, and don't expect her to. Of course, I don't know whether she and Audrey Hepburn have the same charm when playing the guitar. The reason why I think of her should be because of the picture of "sitting on the windowsill holding a guitar and playing and singing". I couldn't help but picture in my mind what it would be like to meet her someday. Will she play the guitar in front of me? If she can, it should be playing "Diamonds and Rust". On a whim one night, I planned to rent some movies to pass the long night alone. While wandering in the VCD rental shop, I saw a Joan Baez live concert VCD on the shelf, I rented it without hesitation. Play it on your computer as soon as you get home, fast forward to Diamonds and Rust. JoanBaez's hair has become shorter, and the hair color is a little gray, It's not like the long black hair when he was young. Although the years have left obvious traces on Joan Baez, the timbre has also become lower, But Joan Baez still stood on the stage holding the guitar and played and sang. When I hear "ThirtyyearsagoIboughtyousomecufflinks," Surprised and delighted, I casually took a piece of paper from the table and wrote on it: "Hey, you're right. When Joan Baez sang "Diamonds and Rust," The time in the lyrics will indeed change with the change of time. " But when I wanted to put the note in the drawer, I found that my computer desk has no drawer. At that moment, I remembered that this is not the classroom of the second year of high school, and she had already gone away. Unexpectedly, after such a long time, I still have the habit of writing notes. I can't help feeling sad. In the time I met her, Joan Baez sang Twentyyearsago; Now JoanBaez has started singing Thirtyyearsago.