Chapter 63 Chapter 21 Despair is a Good Thing

After Feiming found out that he could not be discharged from the hospital, he struggled for a while, until finally he couldn't even make a sound, leaving only his little face flushed purple.This movement attracted doctors and nurses, who were afraid that her condition would further deteriorate due to emotional agitation, so they had to use drugs again, which made her fall into a deep sleep after being exhausted and hoarse. During the whole process, Ju Nian stood a few meters away, staring blankly at this scene.There was nothing she could do to help.Destiny is like a huge wheel running over, and the ground is broken, never giving a chance to choose, of course, except for the choice of chaos and sobriety, and the difference between the two is just which kind of comparison It's just pain, but it's all the same helpless to the result.

The doctor said that it is still impossible to judge whether the tumor in the non-ming brain is benign or malignant, but at least one thing is certain. It is not a short-term thing that this tumor exists in the non-ming brain, and it may even be born Yes, it is closely related to the inheritance of the previous generation.At this point, the doctor repeatedly asked Feiming about his family's illness, and after learning from Ju Nian that the child's biological father did suffer from congenital epilepsy, he confirmed this inference.Because epilepsy is one of the typical signs before the onset of glioblastoma in the brain.

Ju Nian really wanted the doctor to give her a happy ending. What should she do to save Feiming?But even the seemingly experienced doctor couldn't give her a definite answer.Regardless of whether the tumor is benign or malignant, it has grown to its current size, and it will inevitably press on the brain tissue, causing a series of physical reactions, such as more and more frequent headaches, vomiting, and seizures, and the tumor is most likely still expanding Among them, when it occupies enough space, even benign tumors can lead to life-threatening, while the dire consequences of malignant tumors are unimaginable.

The only way in front of us may be surgery. If the operation is successful and there is no recurrence after the operation, it will be a blessing in misfortune, but no one can predict the recurrence or not. The most difficult thing is that the focus of the non-identical tumor is A very dangerous position, that is to say, the risk of the operation will be very high. Once the operation is performed, she may recover, or die on the operating table immediately, or be permanently disabled due to sequelae. The doctor asked Ju Nian, she was just the child's "aunt", could she make this life-threatening decision on behalf of the child?Facing this question, Ju Nian was indeed speechless for a moment.In name, Si Nian's cousin is Feiming's adoptive father and legal guardian, but Xie Sinian's decision to adopt a child was purely for the sake of fulfilling Ju Nian, and he had no real connection with Feiming. , he occasionally sent some gifts to Ju Nian and Feiming from different places, which was enough to make Ju Nian grateful, and couldn't ask for more, because she also knew that Sinian's cousin was unruly and didn't like to worry about him the most. After the person he loved died, he had no fixed place to live.Even if Ju Nian has nowhere to go now and has the idea of ​​asking cousin Sinian for help again, it is impossible to get in touch with him in a short time. The small country on the other side of the ocean has just stayed.

As for the child's other blood relative that exists in the world, it's not difficult to find her, but just based on what Han Shu said about Chen Jiejie's current situation that day, it is impossible for Ju Nian to take this risk. How can she expect a poor family to rely on her husband? The eldest lady who made a living at home went to pay for a bad relationship in the past.Whether it's because of the poisonous oath she made or for the stability of this world, it is impossible for Chen Jiejie to recognize Feiming. Ju Nian knows this very well. If Feiming knows that her biological mother exists but refuses to accept her, it will be a shame. The consequences were absolutely fatal, far worse than making her fantasize about the perfect parent.

Ju Nian told the doctor that she needed time to think about it, even if it was just for one night. When making this answer, she also felt her own powerlessness and cowardice. At the most desperate moment, did she still understand that she was an outsider, and no matter how many years she raised Feiming, Feiming would never be hers? child. The night was getting deeper, Feiming slept soundly, and there were still traces of tears on his cheeks.Ju Nian tucked in the quilt for her, and stood alone in the small courtyard at the entrance of the inpatient department.From the entrance of the hospital, you can see the bustling street on the opposite side from a distance. It is almost the end of the new year. Even at night, there are still many people busy buying new year's goods. You can't see clearly the orange year, but you can imagine the festive faces of those people. look, and all of this is just a block away from the bleakness in the hospital.

Wu Yu, if it were you, what would you do? Facing the invisible place, Ju Nian asked silently in his heart. Chen Jiejie is healthy, and it is clear that the malignant disease came from Wu Yu's inheritance. If the doctor's deduction is correct, then it is very likely that Wu Yu's epilepsy is caused by this genetic brain tumor. Unfortunately, no one cared about it at the time. This, and this secret will be buried underground with him forever. Ju Nian spread out his palm and looked at the lines on his palm again. If his departure is inevitable, her loneliness is also doomed. Shouldn't it be easier for a person who believes in fate?

Ju Nian remembered that he had once seen a sentence scribbled by Wu Yu in his mathematics textbook: Life is as brilliant as summer flowers, and death is as quiet and beautiful as autumn leaves.Wu Yu is not a person who is good at literary rhetoric. Ju Nian once guessed that this came from a sentence in Tagore's poem. Maybe he read it by accident and took it seriously, so he copied it in the textbook at will. The dream of the knights coincides with each other. If this is the case, now it seems that Ju Nian is somewhat envious of Wu Yu. When he was alive, he might not be as good as "Summer Flowers Splendid", but at least at the end of the day, it was just a blink of an eye, and everything returned to tranquility, just like a martial arts hero. The tragedy in the novel, the sword light suddenly rises, and the blood splatters five steps.It is always better than a certain supporting role, with a broken arm, holding an orphan in his arms, and lingering in reality.

It's just that Feiming is too pitiful.This child has never been favored by fate, but has to endure misfortune far beyond what she can bear.Thinking about it, Ju Nian felt more and more compassionate. "She's too young, you can't take her away." Only the sound of the wind blowing through the dry branches answered her...and the light footsteps. Ju Nian suddenly turned around, only to see Han Shu standing a few steps behind him. She didn't expect Han Shu to appear in the hospital so late, but from the expression mixed with shock, grief and pity, Ju Nian knew that he didn't need to explain further, he must have learned from the doctor or other nurses the truth.

For some reason, from the moment she turned her head and saw him, accepting the bad news calmly and numbly deepened her sense of reality. Maybe it was just that she had stood in the wind for too long... She hurriedly turned her head and walked back to the ward from his side.Fortunately, Han Shu was surprisingly quiet this time. Taking advantage of Feiming's lack of much treatment arrangements in the morning, Ju Nian took the time to go to the fabric shop, found the manager, and offered his resignation with difficulty.This job was the only source of her livelihood these years, and it was also the straw that saved her life. When she was desperate, only this store took her in, didn't care about her criminal record, and even gave her the position of store manager. So for a long time, Ju Nian has always been conscientious, except for taking care of Feiming, the rest of his thoughts have been devoted to this job.

Of course it was not her wish to leave, but now it seems that there is no other way?Parents may never recognize her again in this life. She has no relatives and no friends who can trust her. Feiming's physical condition is inseparable from others now. Regardless of surgery or not, she will only need more and more medical care in the future. Time to accompany and take care of, the fabric shop here again and again to ask for leave is not a long-term solution. Yesterday, the hospital had urged Feiming to pay her subsequent hospitalization and treatment expenses, and in desperation, Ju Nian also found the bank card that Han Shusai had given her.Ju Nian really didn't want to use Han Shu's money, that would give Han Shu an illusion, as if they had more ties between them, and that kind of entanglement was exactly what Ju Nian tried hard to cut off. It's like walking into a room that has been dusty for a long time. If you are not careful, your hands and face are covered with cobwebs. Those cobwebs are transparent, so you can't see them, and you may not be able to touch them, but she can feel the sticky and tangled. She pulls and pulls, but she can't reach it, as if she has become a helpless bug in the net again. She is willing to admit that she is not magnanimous and open-minded enough. It has been so long, what else can't be put into a smile?But she just had no choice, she could stop resenting and cursing Han Shu, and she could persuade herself not to blame him for the misery of the past.Ju Nian believes in fate, she believes that Han Shu is just a pair of helpers of fate.But not hating doesn't mean being able to heal memories, as long as he sees his face, Ju Nian can't help thinking, he is alive, but where is the little monk?Let her solve it in every possible way, but it's hard to get over it.But in front of him is Feiming's health, or even his life. Compared with this, can anything else be so important? Ju Nian also didn't expect that after hearing the reasons for her resignation, the manager didn't agree, and only said to give her a long vacation with no deadline, and she could come back no matter when the vacation ended. In addition to the accident, Ju Nian was grateful again and again, ignoring the sympathetic greetings from her colleagues, and hurried back to the hospital. It was almost noon at that time, she couldn't make time to cook, and she missed the hospital's order, so she had to find a doctor nearby. It's a fairly clean fast food restaurant, and I bought two lunch boxes. Walking outside the ward, Ju Nian smelled a strong smell of chicken soup. He thought it was made by the grandmother of the child in bed No. 8 next door. He opened the door and went in, only to see three people sitting around Feiming's bed. The first feeling in the orange year is just surprise, who else will come to see Feiming?However, after a few seconds, she suddenly realized that it wasn't the three "who", wasn't the young man standing there just Wang Nian?Xie Maohua sat on the side of the bed, while Ju Nian's mother held the thermos pot of soup in one hand, and put it into Feiming's mouth with a spoon in the other.They hadn't seen each other for a long time, and Ju Nian was so surprised that he couldn't recognize his flesh and blood relatives in the first place. She didn't know how her parents and Wangnian knew about Feiming's illness, and how they were willing to come, so she was caught off guard, so she just stood blankly at the door, not knowing how to react.And Xie Maohua, his wife and Wangnian also noticed her return, they stood up slowly in a daze, and looked at her in unison. Maybe everyone has noticed how difficult it is to say the first sentence. "Auntie, my parents-in-law and my uncle have come to see me." Feiming swallowed the soup in his mouth and timidly broke the deadlock between the four adults. Ju Nian saw the flattered panic on the child's face.Feiming only saw her "father-in-law", "mother-in-law" and uncle, and that was nearly two years ago. At that time, she heard that she could see her aunt's family, that is, her family. She was so happy.But that meeting ended indifferently when the adults broke up. Since then, Feiming has never heard of these "family members" from his aunt.At first she asked a few times, but was prevaricated by Ju Nian, and then she didn't mention it again.Ju Nian thought that such a big child would soon forget these people and these things, but she didn't expect that she could still remember them all, and even the eagerness in her eyes to see her relatives was exactly the same as before. "Dad, Mom, Wangnian..." Not only people, but even titles are unfamiliar. Xie Maohua didn't speak, Xie's mother put down the soup in her hand, and tried her hands on the pants on both sides, but she also seemed a little embarrassed. "I heard that the child was sick, so I cooked an old chicken stewed with American ginseng to replenish my body." Feiming looked at Ju Nian and said, "Yes, aunt, mother-in-law's soup is delicious." Ju Nian quietly hid the cold box lunch on the table behind him, and smiled at Feiming, "Really, then Feiming wants to drink more... Thank you, father-in-law and uncle?" "I forgot, thank you, father-in-law..." "No, no, no, let's take a look." "Auntie, my father-in-law said no." "Feiming, you should ask your parents-in-law to sit down." Xie Maohua and his wife both sat back to their original places. Mother Xie touched the child's hand, "This child is very smart and sensible. Your aunt taught you well." While talking, Ju Nian poured water out of a paper cup and handed it to the three of them silently.When the cup was delivered to Xie Maohua, she lowered her head slightly, not daring to look directly at her father who had treated her harshly since she was a child. Xie Maohua took the cup, seemingly embarrassed, cleared his throat, hesitated for a moment, and then said to Feiming, "Feiming, thank you aunt on behalf of my father-in-law." Feiming's eyes lingered on several adults. She didn't understand why the few adults who were close at hand had to rely on her to communicate. Those unspeakable emotions had been buried for eleven years, and there were still twenty years left. How could she at such a young age understand the inseparable alienation of nine years. Ju Nian took the soup from his mother and continued to feed Feiming slowly.She tried to smile at her three relatives, but after smiling, they couldn't find any other dialogues with each other except for the extremely polite "please sit down", "thank you", and "you're welcome".Even on the bus back home, Ju Nian still thought like a dream, if she was an ordinary woman, if she had relatives to help take care of her, maybe she would not be so helpless today, but now, her long-estranged parents Her younger brother appeared by her side out of thin air, but she felt nothing but embarrassment and uneasiness. Ju Nian was afraid that they would see that she was trembling slightly when she picked up the soup, even breathing carefully.She has never been willful around her parents, but a child who is afraid of making mistakes accidentally.Even though she tried her best to be well-behaved and obedient back then, in the end it was inevitable that they would be completely disappointed, so her closest relatives resolutely gave up on her when they were most helpless.She has lived alone for these years, until now, and she has long regarded herself as an orphan in her heart. "Auntie, I'm going to throw up if I drink any more." Unknowingly, Ju Nian fed Feiming half a pot of chicken soup. Feiming opened his mouth in embarrassment in this strange silence, and Ju Nian put down the soup as if waking up from a dream. Wipe the corner of Feiming's mouth with a tissue. "Lie down, there's only one bottle left for the IV drip, and I'll be done with it." Feiming closed his eyes and opened them again, "Auntie, are your parents-in-law leaving?" Xie Mu smiled and said, "You go to sleep, mother-in-law talk to your aunt." After saying that, she whispered to Ju Nian, "Come out, I have a few words for you." Xie Wangnian stayed by Feiming's side, Xie Maohua and his wife walked outside the ward with Ju Nian, Ju Nian deliberately walked a few steps towards the end of the corridor, avoiding the door. "Dad, Mom..." They said that they would never have her as a daughter again, so Ju Nian always felt terrified when he uttered these two words.She wrung her hands behind her back nervously as usual, "I didn't expect you to come...Thank you for coming to see Feiming." Mother Xie sighed, "How did you get such a disease? I really don't know what evil I did." When Ju Nian heard the word "crime", he felt sad for a moment, bowed his head and remained silent. Seeing this, Mother Xie tugged at Ju Nian's sleeves, and lowered her voice, "I want to ask you something, what happened between you and Han Shu, the youngest son of Dean Han's family?" Ju Nian thought to himself, it really was him. "He came here for you?" "I asked you what's going on with him? How could he be so concerned about your affairs for no reason?" "Then I should thank him for his concern." Ju Nian murmured. Mother Xie seemed a little anxious when she saw that she had nothing to do with her, "Don't be stupid, your father and I are not blind yet, we can see what he means by his appearance. I was wondering, When you were in school in the past, did he call, and you lied to me that he came to ask about homework, and you never told the truth since you were a child!" "Since I'm not telling the truth, what do you mean you see?" "I just want to ask you, is the child lying in it born to you and the youngest son of the Han family?" Ju Nian's face blushed instantly at his mother's straightforward questioning, and he could only shake his head vigorously, denying with a trembling voice, "No... no... definitely not..." "It wasn't born by you, and you will be so desperate to support it? It has nothing to do with him, and he will feel so distressed like that? Ju Nian, have you lied to me for so many years? In front of me and your father, dare you say that you have nothing to do with him?" ?” Ju Nian bit his lip, but said firmly, "Feiming and I have nothing to do with Han Shu." Mother Xie stomped her feet, "It's not the youngest son of the Han family, could it be...could it be the short-lived one surnamed Wu..." "You can't say that about him!" Ju Nian suddenly interrupted his mother's words, and Xie's mother seemed to be frightened by the outburst of her usually meek daughter, and was speechless for a while.Ju Nian bowed her head for a moment, tears still fell, she turned her face sideways, pleading in her tone: "Mom, don't worry about it, this is my business." "Since you were young, you have always loved to be horny. Look at what you have made yourself into. Let's not talk about the past. That Han Shuna is still warm to you now. What are you doing? What are you doing about yourself? Don't know? Mom is also a woman, you can't live like this for the rest of your life!" Xie Maohua, who had been silent all this time, also spoke, "If he really treats you... Ju Nian, Ju Nian, what else do you want? We are getting old too, and we can't control you anymore..." Ju Nian was crying silently, she inexplicably remembered the firecracker paper that covered the alleys in front of her house when the college entrance examination results were released, her eyes were full of red.That was the only time in memory that her parents smiled for her. At that time, they both had black hair, but now their temples are stained with frost.She also wanted to be their pride, but in the end she became their most embarrassing shame. No matter what was the cause or effect in the past, she was not a good child, and she still makes them worry so much—but some people worry Isn't it a long time since the feeling? "Listen to us. Han Shulun's status as a talent is not worthy of you. I don't care if the child was born with him or not. He has that kind of heart for you. What more do you ask for?" "Mom, I'm with him..." "Even if you don't think about yourself, you should still think about your brother. You know that Wang Nian is driving Dean Han now. Your brother has few books and it is not easy to find this job. This is why the Han family remembers us. Your father heard that the high court has one or two indicators for becoming a regular, as long as Han Shu is willing to help, their Dean Han..." Ju Nian looked up suspiciously at her biological parents. "Wangnian drives for the Han family? An indicator for becoming a full-time employee?" She seemed to understand. She just looked at them as if she were looking at two strangers.In fact, they are not unfamiliar, haven't they always been like this?Wangnian, it turned out that they came to visit the sick Feiming with their whole family, and tried their best to match her and Han Shu, but it was just for Wangnian.The touch and warmth that had just risen pitifully in the Orange Year just cooled down a little bit, died, and rotted... Ju Nian thought, why people are disappointed, isn't it because we often have unrealistic hopes, so there is nothing more sad than never giving up.At this moment, she felt that despair is sometimes a good thing, at least she will not make this mistake again in the future. "The Han family is a decent family, and the family education is very strict. You and Han Shu are at ease." Ju Nian stopped crying, and smiled with tears in his eyes, "Dad, do you really think that a decent family like the Han family would let their son find someone like me?" Xie Maohua was speechless for a while. Xie Mu immediately took it over, "That's what happens in the future, as long as you have a good relationship, he will treat you well..." "Then it doesn't matter even if he doesn't marry me, as long as he can help Wangnian become a regular?" Throwing off those coats of warmth and tenderness, to put it bluntly, it's actually just that simple, that's all.It is said that there are no parents who do not love their children, that is the biggest lie. Both Xie Maohua and his wife stopped talking, and this silent acquiescence made each other feel embarrassed. Ju Nian wanted to forget about it, and just pretended that they had never been here, and everything went back to the original point, so there was nothing wrong with it.She sideways avoided them and took a few steps slowly, but there was too much stuff stuck in her throat, and she couldn't swallow it. She took a deep breath, turned around, and said to the Xie Maohua couple in a flat and expressionless manner: "By the way, do you know that a good boy from the Han family who was educated by a decent family raped me in eleven years?" This is such a disgraceful past, like a bomb detonated, she shouldn't have dug it out.Xie Maohua and his wife want face so much, but what is the meaning of Ju Nian. Xie Maohua and his wife stayed there for a while, Xie's mother looked around, and then asked in panic, "Why didn't you say it before?" Why not?Ju Nian remembered that day when she stumbled out of that "sweet honey" dilapidated hotel, she didn't want to cry in her parents' arms, but she knew what they would say, they would say that flies don't bite seamless eggs , if you are a serious girl, it is impossible for him to succeed; they will say that since the incident has already happened, the family ugliness should not be publicized, or they will be ashamed to face others, since the son of the Han family likes her, as long as they give an explanation, this is also considered her blessing. She had figured it out in the past, how could she be so confused today. Ju Nian saw Tang Ye who came to visit with a fruit basket. He saw this unpleasant scene from a distance and was about to avoid it, but Ju Nian seemed to see a savior. He trotted all the way to his side and took the fruit in his hand Something, tested the corners of his eyes, and smiled, "Why are you here?" That day, Feiming seemed to have slept for a long time. She only knew that her parents-in-law and uncle had left after waking up, and her aunt brought her the equally interesting Uncle Tang. It was two days after Han Shu came back, he excitedly brought a set of cups with weird patterns, one for each of him, Ju Nian and Fei Ming. "Paper cups have a strange smell," he said. Seeing that Ju Nian was not interested, he picked up Ju Nian and handed it to her again, and said with a smile: "I have been choosing for a long time, you see, the design of this cup matches you." Ju Nian glanced at the inexplicable cartoon painting on it, "I don't deserve it." Han Shu was poured with a basin of cold water, so he had to put the cup away, squatted in front of the sitting Ju Nian's knees, and held her with his head up. This posture and distance made Ju Nian feel uncomfortable, so he retreated back. "Your family members have been here? Are you unhappy about this?" Han Shu asked. "It's really you." Ju Nian didn't know what to say, "What did you tell them?" "I didn't say anything. Really!" Only then did Han Shu realize that things might not be going as he expected, and he was a little uneasy, "I just found your brother and your parents and told them that they were ill. Your family members, don’t ask them to do anything for you, as long as they are willing to come and see, at least ask: Ju Nian, how are you doing? Is this too much? Did I do something wrong?” After hearing this, Ju Nian didn't respond for a long time, and Han Shu became more and more uncertain. "Tell me, have they bullied you? I really can't understand them. They have treated you badly since childhood." After a long time, Ju Nian smiled wryly, "Han Shu, I used to think you were an idiot..." Han Shu laughed, and couldn't help but look forward to it. "what about now?" "Now I know that you really are like that." Han Shu couldn't help but get up resentfully. "If you go to Wangnian, you won't be afraid that your father will know what you are doing?" When Dean Han taught his son a lesson, "stir-fried pork with bamboo shoots" was a common meal in the family courtyard. Han Shu rubbed his stiff face, "Anyway, I can't hide it, and I didn't want to hide it, they will know soon." "Because Feiming's illness had to be transferred to another hospital, I have already contacted her with the First People's Hospital, which has the best equipment for treatment, as well as Sun Jinling, the most authoritative brain doctor in the province. She is my mother."