If a fifteen-year-old girl tells you: I am lonely. I believe that nine out of ten people will reply and say: Oh, to write new words... But I am really lonely. I have one only friend, her name is Ji Yu.The name sounds a little melancholy, but she is an optimistic girl. On weekends, I invited Ji Yu to my house as a guest. From the moment he entered my house and saw my mother, Ji Yu has been in a very nervous state.At dusk, I sent her out, and she chattered like a dream: I have never seen such a beautiful mother, I have never seen such a beautiful mother, I have never seen such a beautiful mother...

I slapped her on the back of the head before she stopped, looked at me and said angrily: "You are not a lady at all, look at your mother..." He sighed again, "Yazi, you are really enviable." But in a short time, she has become obsessed with my mother. My mother is a beautiful woman, I have known it since I was a child.Everyone looks at my mother differently. They always look at me suspiciously and say: Oh, is this your daughter? She’s so old? My mother named me "Yazi", but I was destined to be my mother's "disappointment" since I was born, with small eyes and a small nose, and "beans" appearing on my face one after another.In short, I don't have everything that my mother should have. I guess she doesn't like me very much, and I also have an indescribable fear of her.The relationship between our mother and daughter is different from many, many mothers and daughters. For example, Ji Yu, she can hug her mother's shoulder or hug her mother's neck and say fiercely: "Beauty, I fell in love with a beautiful woman." Please give me a hundred oceans quickly, or I will kill you!"

But I can't. Between my mother and I, we are always so polite.She never scolds me, but she cares a little. She never even attends my parent-teacher meeting. Grandma goes to every parent-teacher meeting. Grandma is very keen on attending my parent-teacher meeting, because every time she goes, the teacher will definitely support her. Praise: ARTISTRY can be described as a role model for the whole class... Ji Yu was still nagging: "What kind of cosmetics does your mother use?" "Maybelline?" I said.In fact, I am not sure, my mother does not have a lot of cosmetics, I often see her wash her face with water, and carry a bottle of ordinary face cream with her.

"Beauty is born." Ji Yu concluded.At the end she glanced at me and said with great interest, "Yatzi, may I ask you a question at the risk of being beaten to death by you?" I knew what she was going to ask, so I took the initiative to confess: "I don't have a father." "What do you mean without a father?" Ji Yu chuckled, "Could it be that you are a test-tube baby?" "Sometimes I think so too." I put my hand on Ji Yu's shoulder and said looking at the sky. "Didn't your mother ever mention your father in front of you? A woman like her must have a vigorous love. I guess right?"

"I don't know." I shook my head. I don't know much about my mother, and my mother is a mystery to me, which is a hidden pain in my heart.It's not that I haven't tried to approach her, but that was when I was young. For example, if I pretended to fall or have a headache, she would hold me in her arms and ask me, "Xiaozi, is there anything wrong?" Say nothing, the faint fragrance of her body makes me nostalgic. When I grew up, I began to have some strange self-esteem, and I gradually got used to being polite and alienated from her. Later, I read some novels and began to learn to guess, for example, my father is not beautiful, or, my father is Emotionally cheated on her.Again and again, she got angry and married my father, a man she didn't love, and broke up, but she had to give birth to me...

But it's all speculation, and there is always no answer. These thoughts made me more and more depressed, but fortunately, there is a grandma.Grandma loves me very much. She always praises me for being upbeat and more sensible than my mother when I was young.My grandmother also told my mother that when she was fourteen years old, there were boys chasing after the door of the house and refusing to leave. My mother poured dirty water from the laundry at home to soak him all over, and then closed the door expressionlessly. "Girls should be like Xiaozi!" Grandma said hugging me.

But I thought in my heart, what's so good about being like me, a girl should be like my mother, that's enough color. My mother is a fashion designer and is well-known all over the country.She is very busy and has a lot of entertainment, but she never treats me badly in life. I have enough pocket money and enough beautiful clothes, but these are not rare for me.What is rare for me is having a meal with her on weekends and chatting without saying a word, even talking about the weather. Ji Yu doesn't understand this, what she envies is that my clothes always have different styles, and she envies that I have a mother who looks like a movie star.

That's it, everyone doesn't care much about what they can easily have. On weekends, I have another important thing to do, which is to visit my grandparents and send some pocket money and daily necessities as my mother ordered.Grandma gathered a few old women to play mahjong in the side hall, but didn't hear me ring the doorbell. It was grandpa who welcomed me in and dragged me to the balcony to see the little bird he had just bought. "It's so expensive." Grandpa pointed to the two red-billed birds and said, "Because I like it, it's fun to be slaughtered by others!"

My grandfather had his own happy theory, and he was always in a good mood.My mother is his daughter, but she is nothing like him in character.My mother has an indescribable melancholy. I never see her laughing. She is such a calm person. It seems that there is nothing in this world that can move her heart. Because I was thirsty, I wanted to drink a glass of water, and on the way back to the living room, I heard an old woman's voice very clearly: "How can Bao find a man ten years younger than me, she should think about Yazi no matter what. " Grandma sighed and said, "She has suffered for so many years, let her go."

I stood there like I was standing on a cloud, my legs completely lost strength. Bao is my mother. Oh, the day has finally come. My mother is going to remarry, and I will be even more lonely.This was the thing I was most afraid of when I was a child, and it came just when I was about to forget this fear. I wandered the streets aimlessly for more than two hours and came home.Mom has come back and is arranging flowers in the living room.The part-time workers are cooking, but my mother never cooks, and she never smells of oily smoke.She is wearing a new cheongsam, which should be a new work designed by herself, and her graceful figure is enviable.

She seemed to be in a good mood, and when she heard me enter the door, she said without raising her head, "Come on, Xiaozi, take a look at the new vase Mom bought." "Your new cheongsam looks better." I said. "Really?" She smiled, "By the way, Xiaozi, Mom wants to tell you something." I waited for her to speak. But she said something else: "Aren't you about to take the senior high school entrance examination, do you want to go to Provincial No. 1 Middle School?" Provincial No. 1 Middle School is the best school in our province, and it is also a well-known "noble school".I know that in order to get into this school, besides good grades, it will cost a lot of money. "It's not necessary." I said to my mother, "Our school is also a key point in the province, and I can go straight to it." "Really?" Mom raised her eyebrows and said, "Don't you need to take the test?" "That's what the teacher said." I said, "I rank first every year, so I can be exempted from the exam." "Oh, I know that Xiaozi is good at studying." Mom said, "However, Provincial No. 1 Middle School is the best middle school in the whole province. It took me a long time to entrust the relationship. Think about it?" I nod. Talking about this to Ji Yu the next day, she exclaimed, "Province No. 1 Middle School is closed and only half a day off a week. Going there to study is no different from going to jail. There's no need for your grades to be so good!" I suddenly understood something. She wants me to leave and doesn't want me to stay in her world, which is really a perfect way, isn't it? Depressed all day when I came home, my mother didn't go out and watched TV at home. It's really rare to be so leisurely.Seeing me enter the door, she said, "You just bought the drink in the refrigerator, you go and drink it." I opened a can of queer, and after a "bang", I gritted my teeth and said to my mother, "I decided to go to the Provincial No. 1 Middle School." she smiles. "I'm going to do my homework." After finishing speaking, I dragged my schoolbag into my room, and the moment I closed the door, I shed tears silently. she does not love me. After so many years, I finally dared to admit to myself that she doesn't love me. Not many days later, the head teacher handed me the direct admission form to fill out.I lowered my head and said, "I might have to take the Provincial No. 1 High School. They have a class that recruits students early. I've already signed up for the exam." The head teacher said in surprise: "Provincial No. 1 Middle School is not necessarily better than our school. If you stay in our school, you can definitely do key training in key classes. You are also more familiar with the environment here. Why do you want to change?" "You may not be able to pass the exam yet." I said, "1000 students will fight for 50 places." "The number of places for direct admission is also limited." The head teacher said, "If you give up now, if you don't get into the Provincial No. 1 Middle School, you have to take the senior high school entrance examination. You should think about it carefully and discuss it with your mother." After she finished speaking, she left the watch on my desk and left. "How many people dream of this watch." Ji Yu pretended to be drooling and said, "If I can buy this watch, I'd be willing to go bankrupt." "Here you are." I handed it to her. But she hid back and said with a smile: "It's free for me. I think you should just fill it out. After filling it out, you can leave school with your schoolbag on your back. It's an early holiday. I don't know how happy it is." My heart struggled a lot. It was the day after school that I saw him for the first time. He was more mature than I imagined. He drove a BMW and waited for my mother to come downstairs from my house. The three bumped into each other face to face, and my mother had no choice but to introduce, "Xiao Zi, this is Uncle Liu." I nod. "This is Xiaozi?" He opened his eyes and said nonsense, "Abao, your daughter is as beautiful as you." "Talking nonsense with your eyes open," I said. He laughed.My mother patted my head and said reproachfully: "This child has no manners at all." "Let's go, Xiaozi. Go to dinner together?" He invited me. The mother standing aside did not speak. "No, there's a lot of homework." After I finished speaking, I rushed upstairs quickly.After entering the house, I looked out the window and saw his car driving my mother away. I don't know why, but I don't think this person is so annoying. In fact, it is still summer.But it's getting cold. When my mother came back, I was wearing a thin school uniform and playing the violin on the balcony.I don't know if it's because it's a little cold.My favorite song was halfway through, and suddenly there was a vacuum in my mind, and I couldn't think of anything. My mother leaned against the balcony door, took a cup of coffee and asked me: "What's wrong with you, keep going!" "No more." I said. "Why can't it be pulled every day?" She said in surprise. "No more." I put the piano away. There are many things like this, if you say you can’t say you can’t, it’s so strange, so there’s no way. "You are under too much pressure." My mother put her hand on my forehead and said, "On Sunday, my mother will go shopping with you and buy some new clothes." "No, you made enough clothes for me and they are pretty enough." "Girls don't have many clothes." My mother frowned and complained to me, "What's more, you never wear the clothes I make!" She doesn't know, it's not that I don't like to wear clothes, it's that I attract attention when I wear them to school.I'm different from her. I'm not used to being noticed. It's like putting myself in front of a magnifying glass to be admired. It's indescribably awkward and sad. "Let's play another song." Mom said. Learning piano has always been my mother's intention. I feel that I have no talent in this area. My mother found a good teacher and spent a lot of money teaching me, but I am so worthless. I reluctantly took out the piano again and pulled it dryly. I really don't understand how she could listen so seriously. "Xiaozi." After I finished stretching, my mother suddenly asked, "What do you think of him?" "Very, very, very good." I became stammered. "I think it's okay too." Mom said with a smile. I didn't react for a long time, I never thought she would ask me so straightforwardly. "Are you going to get married?" I mustered up the courage to ask her. "Maybe," she said. It didn't occur to her to ask for my opinion. I put the straight up watch on the dining table and she didn't care. Falling in love takes time and energy. Mom spends less and less time at home. I often don’t see her all day. Sometimes in my dreams, I feel her standing on my bedside and sighing. I have had dreams since I was a child, and only once when I woke up did I find that it was not a dream, because I saw her figure closing the door in her pajamas. That sigh should be true. I am a burden to my mother, I have grown up, I must leave. I mustered up my energy to deal with the early admissions of Provincial No. 1 Middle School. My grandmother often came to make soup for me when she was free. She also bought me a beautiful big bag, saying that I could use it when I lived in school.Mom carried the bag and frowned and said it was ugly. Besides, I heard that Provincial No. 1 Middle School doesn't need to live on campus. I didn't want Xiaozi to go to school. "No need." I took my bag and said, "Actually, living on campus is quite interesting. I haven't tried it yet." I don't even know which one is more hypocritical, my mother or me. According to my grades, it shouldn't be a big problem to get into Provincial No. 1 Middle School, but what no one expected was that the day before the exam, I fell ill with a high fever of almost 40 degrees.When my mother came home, I was delirious with fever and lying on the sofa talking nonsense. I said, "Mom, I might die." My mother hugged me and said, "Xiaozi, don't talk nonsense, I'll take you to the hospital right away." "I'm really going to die," I said. My mother slapped me with a wave of her hand. It was the first time she slapped me at such a big age, and she hit me so hard.I fainted. I woke up the next day with a splitting headache and found myself lying in a hospital bed.He is by the bed with me.Seeing me open my eyes, she said to me: "Your mother has something to do with work, she will go and buy it right away and come back early." "What time is it?" I asked him. "Six thirty." He looked at his watch and answered me. "Did you come by car? Take me home to get the admission ticket. I have an exam today." "There is nothing more important than the body." He said, "Get well first and then talk about it." I ignored him, pulled off the hanging needle in my hand, got up from the bed and went straight outside.He stopped me and said, "Xiao Zi, don't be so willful, you will be scolded by your mother." "If you don't give me a ride, I can take a taxi by myself." I spread my hands and said, "It's not too much to lend me twenty yuan." "You child!" He shook his head and said, "Okay, okay, I'll see you off." He kept calling his mother in the car, but his mother's phone didn't work.Back home, he forced me to drink a cup of hot milk and made me an fried egg. I had no appetite at all, so I pushed it aside. He said worriedly: "Xiaozi, no, don't hold on." I am silent. But he smiled: "I also had the same temper when I was a child, a single-minded person." Then he sent me to the examination room.When I got out of the car, he held me back and said, "Take the exam well, I believe you will do well. I will wait here for you to come out." But I didn't finish the exam, and I fainted in the exam room halfway through. When I woke up, I went back to the ward, and I heard my mother's excited voice: "Xiaozi is so sick, how can she go to the exam? If something happens to her, how do you feel at ease?" In memory, my mother has never been so excited about my affairs. "Yes, yes, it's my fault." He said, "I didn't think it through." He didn't mention that I insisted on going. "You go." Mom said, "I don't want to see you again!" I closed my eyes, trying to force back the tears. Acute pneumonia, I lay in the hospital for a week before being discharged.After being discharged from the hospital, Ji Yu came to see me at my house, and said with a low smile in my room: "Your mother is so beautiful, so beautiful, the more she looks, the more beautiful she is." "She's getting married." I said weakly while lying on the bed before my strength recovered. "Hey, Yazi." Ji Yu said, "I guess it's because of this, because you don't want your mother to get married, so you got sick to express your disgust." "Nonsense!" I hit her. "It's called subconscious disease." Ji Yu said more and more outrageous, "I read it in a psychology book." Mom doesn't come back so late at night, she and the man surnamed Liu don't know what's going on, in fact, Liu shouldn't be blamed for what happened that day, but I'm selfish, I haven't talked about it. That night, I dreamed that my mother was sighing next to my bed again. I opened my eyes and grabbed her arm.It's true, it's really my mother, she leaned down, touched my cheek and said, "Xiao Zi, does it still hurt?" "It doesn't hurt." I said. In the dark, her beauty takes my breath away. "Xiaozi." My mother stroked my cheek and said, "You have to be good, you can't leave mom again." At that moment, I felt that she loved me, so I got up and hugged her. I wished she would say something to me, but she still didn't. I wanted to ask her when she would get married or if she would get married again, but in the end I didn't ask anything. I finally regained my health.I was going back to school to prepare for the senior high school entrance examination, but my head teacher told me that the direct promotion quota was reserved for me, so I didn’t give it to others.I only need to fill out the form, and after she takes it to the teaching office to stamp it, I can continue to go home and rest. When I returned home that afternoon, I found that my mother was very leisurely, listening to music at home. Her phone was placed on the coffee table outside, and it rang loudly, but she didn't answer it.Through the half-closed door of her room, I heard my mother listening to an English song. I have never heard that song, but I can understand the gist of the lyrics: seven lonely days piled up into one lonely week, Seven lonely nights piled up into a lonely me... Mom sat in the rocking chair in her room, listening with her eyes closed.The sun shines on her beautiful face, and this is the first time I understand her loneliness. Mother's loneliness. The phone in my hand was still ringing, but my mother still didn't hear it. She was deeply intoxicated in that song. I picked it up and it was Liu.He asked sadly over there: "A Bao, why can't you continue?" I hung up the phone in a panic, leaning my back against the wall, my lip bleeding from the bite. I know, I can't bear it anymore, I decided to go to my grandmother and find out everything that needs to be cleared up.Regardless, it's an ending I can accept.