Chapter 5 Chapter Three Bonds (Part 1)

Qianer: Dear.I don't know why, I can't sleep today, as if there is something I can't let go, it's always stuck in my heart. I was stuffy and my throat was hoarse, but I couldn't catch it.Alas, it seems that I am insomnia. In fact, when I fell asleep, I also had some inexplicable dreams, so it’s okay if I can’t fall asleep. It is now April 6, 2005, at 4:45 in the morning. I remember very clearly that Professor Ye dug up Lu Yu's mummy five days ago.Two days ago, my boss Huangfu Sanxing transferred me to his research institute to do so-called assistance work. It's been eight hours and I don't want to watch downloaded movies, read manga, novels, or do anything.I just kept lying in front of the computer and being idle.

If you think about it carefully, if you are idle, you are idle, so why not just write you a letter.I hope that after writing, I can get the same effect as counting a thousand sheep. But what to write about?With my hands on the keyboard, I was a little overwhelmed for the first time. There seemed to be clumps of paste flowing in his head, which was really indescribable.Don't know if you feel it, or if you feel it, but don't care.Between us, it seems more and more stiff. Maybe it's just my feeling.Although I have always attributed all this to your anxiety and emotional instability due to work.

When people go downhill, they often have these negative emotions.Whether it is your boyfriend or a half-hearted psychology buff, I want to remind you that having these negative emotions will make you more irritable and restless. If you're really upset, call me, or stand on the ledge, open the window, and take three deep breaths.That should be better.After all, it is also my duty to listen to your complaints. I'm so hungry, I just searched all over this house, but I can't find anything that I can eat right away, very depressed. Forget it, be hungry if you’re hungry, you’d better faint from hunger, otherwise if you suffer from insomnia again, I’ll really consider taking a stick and knocking myself out.

Recently I have been thinking, I am thinking hard, I am thinking desperately, is the current state between us a stable period or a dangerous period? In the end, I gave up thinking about it, because I was afraid of the answer. Sometimes, I feel that I am very funny, because no matter who I am, I can deal with it calmly and calmly, but if everything happens to you, I can’t keep my mind at peace... Not only get angry easily, but also become very childish. As you know, I really love you, but no matter how much I propose to you, you always refuse. And what can I do?Perhaps, nothing can be done.

After all, I admit, I've always been childish and rough-headed.You have always taken care of me.Although I am working hard, it seems that there is still a long way to go, and suddenly I feel a little tired. While I was hungry and my mind was not clear, by the way, I recalled all the things in the past few years of dating.I'm a little confused, or rather, can't figure it out.There are thick layers of fog in front of me, and I can't see the future. In the future, will we still love each other as much as we do now?Will you continue to love me for me who has almost no merits?Can we really be stable forever?

In fact, I am a very easy-to-satisfy person.It is difficult to get angry, but often angry, it seems to be very powerful at first, but before it becomes a typhoon, it is often blown to the sea, which is not a threat.In fact, it is very simple to make me happy, as long as I see you smiling.Otherwise, if you suddenly say you love me, all my anger will disappear. Hmm - that's a bit of a stretch. Forget it, I won’t write anymore, I’m really going to starve to death, the above is just my nonsense when I’m hungry and dizzy. (Ps: Regarding your work, I really can't help you, but I believe that if we work together, we will get better. Maybe I really can't help, but at least I won't hinder you.)

Your: The nonsense Zhang Ke and Zhao Qianer sat on the sofa in the room, slowly flipping through the letters that Zhang Ke had written to herself over the years, and couldn't tell what it was like in her heart. In the letter, there are bits and pieces of her and the person I love the most, and the little bits and pieces of each day have accumulated into the two of them now. Now, she is Zhang Ke's wife.Although the wedding has not yet been held, she can wait. When he wakes up, she has plenty of patience. But that bastard, did he really feel sorry for himself?Actually wrote a book full of a certain woman's name.

At the thought of this, she wanted to smash something.He glanced slowly at his husband's small apartment, and finally sighed. Everything here stores the memories of the two of them, and she is reluctant to break any small item. Women, especially women like myself, are really too emotional! Zhao Qian'er held back her crying, tried her best to form a smile-like expression on her face, and continued to read the letter in her hand. The one below is from last year, just one year, why does it feel like a century has passed? Qianer: My dear, when this letter arrives in your hand, your birthday should have passed for several days.

I won't wish you a happy birthday anymore, I believe, the day before your birthday, I have seen the surprise mystery gift I sent you, if you didn't let me go. (laugh) Hey, I can't be serious, let's just chat.Speaking of which, it has been several weeks since I was sent by that bastard old maid of the deputy director to this small city called Midbrook in the west of the Netherlands. really miss you. Middlebrook faces the sea on three sides, and the buildings all over the street are very French.Living here is actually very convenient.Incidentally, there are also so-called romances that many girls often insist on. This is indeed a beautiful town.

It's just that the weather is always changing, just like the accents of men in skirts and earrings, you don't expect to spit out some decent words from their mouths. I didn't know how long I was going to be here, so I rented a house.My landlord is a very funny little old man.He's a typical skinny guy, huh, in Holland, as thin as his hair. "Middlebrook is a quiet place, I like it here," I told the landlord when he first came.He nodded happily, gesturing and said in bad English: "Ya, Here is so Good, I never want had any problem in here!" (Yes! Here is so Good, I never want anything to break it peaceful.)

Yes, I don't want any bad things to happen here, after all, there are very few places in this world that are so peaceful.How about you?How are you doing now? Every evening after work, I would go to the beach to watch the sunset while I was busy.I always love to sit on the beach and watch the sunset as the sea level continues to rise.Then I would blow my flute and be mesmerized by the tide. The sound of the flute, the tide and the bleak sunset... I seem to hear the poem in my ears: "Toast the wine to the east wind, and let's be calm together. In the city of Luoyang, we always join hands at that time and travel around the fragrant bushes. Gathering and parting are in a hurry, and the hatred is endless. This year's flowers are better than last year's." Red, unfortunately, the flowers will be better next year, who do you know?" For some reason, this song "Lang Tao Sha" by Ouyang Xiu will always accompany you and often appear in my dreams. Whenever you finished reading this poem, you would always smile at me and add a sentence: "This year, flowers are better than last year. Don't let this year go, who are you with?" It's really hard to get through without your time, day after day, I just struggle to go on living like a walking dead. Passers-by walking on the beach walked past me leisurely.They smiled at me, and some applauded for my lonely flute. That's how I live.Life, study, everything looks so perfect, but there is always something missing in my heart... It wasn't until that day that I realized what I was missing... That day, also in the evening, was still at the beach.I played the flute, and after a few songs, I realized that there was a figure beside me at some point.It was a woman in her late thirties, she was pretty, but she was already crying tears. "It's a beautiful song!" She said to me, "Are you Chinese?" I nod. "I'm an American." She paused, and then said, "How long have you been here?" "Almost a month. What about you?" "Over four years. Well, do you work here?" "right." "What job?" "Tea business." She smiled and said, "The tea business in Europe is not easy." "Yes." I wiped my flute and asked, "What about you, why did you come to Holland?" "I have two children." She took out a photo and showed it to me, pointing to a boy about twelve or thirteen years old on it, and said, "Look, it looks a lot like you!" "Cuter than me! Where are they? Holland?" Are you mistaken, I'm in my twenties, how could it be like me! She burst into tears again, sobbing nervously, "They're all staying in America. I'm divorced and the court awarded them to their father. Fuck her! Those guys, say I'm not capable of raising them .Fuck it. In a fit of rage, I traveled to Europe and ended up staying here. I didn't expect to live here for four years. I miss them, really, I miss them!" "I'm sorry..." I didn't know how to comfort her. "I'm fine! Just cry a little bit." She shook her head and carefully put the photo back into her wallet.Then he pulled out an old American passport, slammed it out, and yelled, "Fuck it!" The sea breeze has picked up, and the torrential rain that must fall every night is coming again. She suddenly reached out, held my palm tightly and said, "You have to believe in yourself. You are the best! You will make the world feel your presence!" "Thank you." I stood up and smiled, "I'm leaving, goodbye." "No! Please don't say goodbye to me!" She became nervous and pleaded again: "Please don't say goodbye. If you have to say it, just say see you later?!" "Okay, then, see you later." I was still smiling without knowing the situation, but my heart was full of huge waves. I don't know if this American woman is lying, but what does it matter to me whether it's true or not?It's just that I have never understood why she said so much to me, is it because of the loneliness in a foreign country? From that day on, I knew why I felt like I was missing something.Perhaps, that is the loneliness because you are far away from your hometown, the loneliness without you.Ha, without me, I wonder if you will be lonely? Midbrook's sky is very blue, and the stars at night are twinkling in the unpolluted sky.Lonely Heart - Fomalhaut always shines in the far north.Qianer, it is as beautiful as the pupil in the eyes of a beauty. Remember, I once sent you this message: Someone once said: Don't fish have tears? No, it has. So why have I never seen it cry? Because it stays in the water all the time. In fact, don't ignore its existence because of unintentional hiding. There are sad people everywhere. Is it true that sorrow must be seen by you to be called sorrow?And the pain must be verified before it can start to hurt? Haha, actually what I mean is that if there is time for people to see the pain, then the confused person will also have enough time to wake up. There are some things in the world that can cover the eyes, making people unable to think, only to follow blindly. At this time, the precious longing begins to evaporate in the air. Some people can see the helplessness and nostalgia when it disappears, but some people desperately want to save it, suffering until their hearts are tired. Many people have said, cherish what you get, and don't demand too much, because the way people feel about each other, there are voluntary giving and mutual asking. It's been a long time, hasn't it?We have been in love for a long time.It's really happy to be with you, and time seems to slowly precipitate memories, but you over there always try to stop, afraid that you will get used to such days. Or, love can really make people obsessed with it. Because of the distance, we can love each other, and we can love each other very much. But I also know that everything in this world is fair, and if you give you some, you will take back some.So I often say to myself, it doesn't matter what I lose, as long as I want you.Haha, maybe I'm still a little greedy. Unknowingly, I wrote so much without any central idea. I just randomly typed on the keyboard, thinking and writing.If you are confused, please forgive me, I am innocent! Also, honey, I really, really love you! Your: Zhang Ke couldn't hold back his tears again, and shed them without the permission of his brain.Zhao Qian'er gently stroked the tear stains on her cheeks, feeling an urge to cry out loud. Although my husband is very nervous and careless, but he often seems very careful about himself.Last year, he was distressed for a long time because he was transferred to work in the Netherlands and could not attend his birthday. Then he didn't know what he thought of, and mysteriously called himself on the eve of her birthday, asking her to go to the western restaurant that the two of them often went to at 8:30 the next night. She was confused, but went anyway. As soon as I walked in, I found that the entire restaurant was empty, with only one waiter.The waiter led her to sit in a place in the center filled with roses, and then silently brought her her favorite black pepper steak. The melodious sound of the violin rang beside him, and the old man playing the violin looked at him with a strange smile on his face. At that time, she was a little stuffy, feeling like she was being tricked, and when she was about to call and scold that guy, Zhang Ke's hoarse voice suddenly came out from the loudspeaker. "Happy birthday! Qian'er, how long have we been dating? It's been a long time, right? In fact, I've always wanted to tell you that I like you very much since the beginning of dating. Gradually, this liking has become an inexplicable Emotion, I don't know what it feels like. There is no heartbeat, it is very plain, but it makes me yearn for it very much. Maybe, that is love. "Then, you left me suddenly, and then we met again. In fact, I can tell you frankly, I love you, I love you very much, I love you very much, more than I love myself You. Waited for two years, now, you can tell me! You, love me? Forget it, I know you will never answer me. "I'm stupid. I know that you are the kind of person who will never confess. You are too protective of yourself. You seal yourself tightly in your own body. I can't break in. I can only keep talking outside." Knock on the door, I hope one day you can hear it. It's been two years, and neither of us have had a good time in the past two years, so I want to end this life. I want to say to you for the first and last time Say, I love you, I am willing to love you, protect you, protect you, take care of you, for the rest of my life, Qian'er, will you marry me?" At that moment, Zhao Qianer cried for the first time in her life.She has always been a very strong woman, beautiful, smart, and confident. Even after she is with Zhang Ke, there are many suitors around her. To be honest, my feelings for him at that time were really not that deep.But it was because of this incident that I was firmly tied to this man who was often lazy and clumsy and had no ambition at all, taking care of him and loving him. Remember, that was the first time he proposed to her.Although I didn't agree, but since then, that guy Zhang Ke has been smug, trying every means to propose to him every month, and sometimes those methods really make me dumbfounded... Thinking of this, Zhao Qian'er suddenly laughed foolishly, and the teardrops on her face were also slid down by her laughter. It seems that I really love that man very much. Alas, the one who is really stupid should be himself. It is too much of a fool to become like this for a man. Zhao Qianer struggled to tidy up the messy letters, and suddenly hugged her hard, crying loudly, the more she cried, the more sad she became. There was a window behind it, and a black figure broke free from the thick night and appeared outside the window on the eighteenth floor. The black figure seemed to have only the shape of a person, and it was hazy. Even the light leaking from the room could not pierce the blur at all, as if it was just a cloud of smoke. The black shadow stretched out two hands as thick as ink, and pressed hard on the glass, as if wanting to enter the room. At this time, the doorbell rang, and the black figure trembled, hesitated for a while, and finally, unwillingly, hid in the boundless darkness again. Zhao Qian'er, who didn't notice anything strange at all, quickly wiped off the remaining tears on her face and walked towards the door.