Chapter 10 Feelings

Last night I accidentally found this unsent letter, and I felt like crying.Has it been five years?In the past five years, my life has also turned upside down.The only thing that remains the same is still remembering her, even though she no longer exists. Qianer: How are you?I haven't heard from you for a whole year, and I stayed in Vlissingen for quite a while. Vlissingen is a tourist town facing the sea on three sides, and the buildings all over the street are very French.I want to tell you that it is very convenient for me to live and study here.Incidentally, I also found the so-called romance that you often gnaw on:)

Remember April of this year?Yes, it was six months ago today, you abruptly told me that you planned to study in Japan, and asked me if I would like to go with you? For the first time in my life, I hesitated. You know that I don't want to go to Japan. Why do I have to make such a request?Is it just another prank popping out of your weird head?Or do you want to know how important you are to me? I hesitated, and suddenly saw a world map taped to the wall. "Let's go to the Netherlands. I heard from my friends that it's beautiful there." I smiled and pressed my index finger on the European continent, and said to you, "Besides, it's a little bit bigger than Japan."

For some reason, you fell silent. you cry. And the next day, you broke up with me. reason?You didn't say anything, and I didn't ask too much as usual, I just silently watched you go farther and farther, until that faint figure disappeared into the endless void.Only then did I suppress my disappointment, and only then did I think about the reason. But how can I, who is extremely numb to things like feelings, understand such complicated things? You went to Japan a month later, and there has been no news since then.And I actually came to the Netherlands, a country I had never thought of before.But the reason for breaking up, until now I have not figured out.

Indeed, Vlissingen is a beautiful town.It's just that the weather is always fickle, like the accents of men in skirts and earrings, and you can't expect any decent words to come out of their mouths. My landlord is a very funny little old man.He's a typical skinny guy, ha, that's as rare in Holland as his hair. "Vlissingen is a quiet place, I like it here." I told the landlord when he first came. He nodded happily, gestured and said: "Ya, Here is so good, I don't want bad any problem in here!" It's really bad enough English, but, yes, I don't want anything to happen here either. It's a bad thing, after all, there are very few such peaceful places in this world.

Qian, how about you?Which city in Japan?Are you doing well?I can't know at all, but I can be sure that you have my address, and I just hope that you will quietly, quietly, bring me some information about you on a day that I don't expect, just like you have done countless times in the past Covering my eyes lightly from behind, giving me an unexpected surprise... Every evening, I would go to the beach to watch the sunset while I was busy.I always love to sit on the beach and watch the sunset as the sea level continues to rise.Then I would blow my flute and be mesmerized by the tide. The sound of the flute, the tide and the bleak sunset.I seem to hear the poem you often say in my ear again:

"Wish the wine to the east wind, and let's be calm together. In the city of Luoyang, Yangzimo, we always go hand in hand at that time, and travel all over the fragrant bushes. The gathering and parting are in a hurry, and this hatred is endless. This year's flowers are better than last year's red, but next year's flowers will be better. Knowing who to share with ?” After reading this Ouyang Xiu's "Lang Taosha", you will always give me a slight smile and add a sentence: "This year's flowers are better than last year's red, don't let this year go, you and your companions?"

"Isn't this the reason you gave me to break up?" I often think so. Day after day, I just went through it.Passers-by walking on the beach walked past me leisurely. They smiled at me for you, and some applauded for my lonely flute.That's how I live.Life, study, everything looks so perfect.But there is always something missing in my heart... It wasn't until that day that I realized what I was missing. That day, also in the evening, was still at the beach.I played the flute, and after a few songs, I realized that there was a figure beside me at some point. It was a woman who was nearly thirty years old, she was very beautiful, but her face was full of tears.

"It's a beautiful song." She said to me, "Are you Chinese?" I nod. "I'm an American." She paused and said, "How long have you been here?" "More than a month. What about you?" "More than four years. Well, do you study here?" "……yes." "Learn what?" "economy." She smiled and said, "At HZ University?" "Yes." I wiped my flute and asked, "What about you...why did you come to Holland?" "I have two children." She took out a photo and showed it to me, pointing to a boy about twelve or thirteen years old on it and said, "Look, it looks a lot like you."

"Cuter than me. Where are they? Holland?" She burst into tears again, sobbing and saying, "They're all staying in America. I'm divorced and the court awarded them to their father. SHIT. Those guys say I'm not capable of raising them, fuck her Yes, in a fit of anger, I traveled to Europe and stayed here for four years. I miss them, really, I miss them!" "I'm sorry..." I didn't know how to comfort her. "I'm ok." She shook her head and carefully put the photo back into her wallet.Then he took out an old American passport, threw it out and shouted, "Fuck you!"

The sea breeze has picked up, and the torrential rain that must fall every night is coming again. She stretched out her hand suddenly, held my palm tightly, and said something like this for some reason: "...you have to believe in yourself, you are the best! Then you will make your presence known to the world!" "Thank you." I stood up and smiled, "I must go back now...Goodbye." "No! Don't say goodbye!" She became nervous and pleaded again: "Please! You can say see you later! Please!" "Ok well, see you later!" I was still smiling.

I don't know if this American woman is lying, but what does it matter to me whether it's true or not?It's just that I have never understood why she said so much to me. Is it because of the loneliness in a foreign country? From that day on, I knew why I felt like I was missing something.That is the longing for hometown and the loneliness without you.Ha, I don't know if you also feel this kind of loneliness. The sky in Vlissingen is very blue, and the stars at night twinkle in the unspoiled sky.Lonely Heart - Fomalhaut shines brightly in the far north as before.Qian, it is as beautiful as the pupils in your eyes. Qian, you know, I always think of you when I feel lonely.But if you really don't want to remember me who let you down again and again, then please allow me to forget you forever BEST WISH FOR YOU! Your: Xsu2001/12/31 I remember that in the book "The Saint of Tea", I also quoted a passage from this letter.At that time, I wrote and broke several keyboards.Looking back for many years, although I still have a lot of feelings, it is no longer the feeling of the past... Suddenly, it seems that I am really old.When everyone gets this book, if I'm lucky enough, it should be the first day after my twenty-fifth birthday.Remember to come to my reception room to bless me :P. If you don’t plan to buy cakes this year, I’ll just wait for everyone’s blessings!