Chapter 2 cat lover

I came to find the house I wanted to rent after seeing the advertisement on the telephone pole.I walked across a bridge and looked at the rows of old tile-roofed houses under the bridge.These are mostly two or three-story houses, which look very old, and almost every roof has a small attic called "dormers" by the locals.Maybe before long they will be razed like my old home. Now I see a cat, a snow-white cat, except for a few fiery red spots on the tip of the tail.It was walking on that patch of roofs, looking in and out, the sun shining all over its beautiful, shiny fur.It walked gracefully, and each leg landed so softly and carefully.It is very calm, as if it is deliberately showing me a temperament.

My eyes never left the cat, I stopped, and looked at it carefully on the bridge railing, just like admiring a work of art.At the same time, a door in my heart was opened by it, and there was a cat in there. Yes, the cat inside of me is walking the floor of my old house.It also has white fur with a fiery red spot on the tip of its tail.Suddenly I fell into the arms of a little boy again, and this boy was me.But not anymore.The cat in my heart died one morning when I was 11 years old. The cat on the roof suddenly disappeared. Under the sunlight, there were only countless tiles and green grass swaying in the wind.My heart was suddenly occupied by an inexplicable sourness.Then I found the house for rent in the tile-roofed house under the bridge, and I lived in it the next day.

This is a small room on the second floor, more than ten square meters, plus a small attic, which is enough for me.Here exudes a familiar smell, gushing out from the gaps in every floor, awakening some memories in my heart.I decided to sleep in the small attic. The small attic was pitifully small, and only the moonlight from the tiger window came in. I stood on the bed, leaned over the window and looked out, and what I could reach were layers of tiles.Suddenly, I seemed to see something. In the light and shadow of the moonlight and street lamps, a mass of white things passed over the tiles more than ten meters away. elf.

I fell asleep, but couldn't sleep, and I remembered the cat from my childhood, which was amazingly beautiful and very close to me, and was later put to death by my father.I spent my whole childhood blues about that cat's death, but then it faded away, and I don't know why I remember it now.At this moment, I suddenly felt a pair of eyes looking at me.Through mystical intuition, I can feel it even though my eyes are closed. Must see, I must. I opened my eyes, and the moonlight poured into my pupils through the window glass.Outside the window, against the glass, a white cat was looking at me with wide-eyed eyes.

I know I'm not dreaming, it feels like it's the same white cat on the roof I saw yesterday, it's this one, I'm sure. Although I can't see all its details clearly from a distance, I can imagine its dilated pupils, shining faintly in the dark, like a yellow-brown walnut.I stood up and pressed my face against the windowpane, but it didn't move, still staring at me, as if recognizing someone.I can see it clearly now, through the glass, maybe I am only 10 cm away from its eyes.Its eyes are not only like two beautiful yellow-brown walnuts, no, they are more like gemstones. No wonder a priceless gemstone is named after cat's eyes. It turns out that the beauty of cat's eyes is so fascinating, especially today. Such a night.

I want to open the window, I have an urge to stroke its smooth fur.I opened the window, and just when my hand was about to touch its head, it blinked suddenly, and two sharp eyes pierced me, then quickly turned around, and disappeared in the tile ridge in an instant. disappeared.The moonlight sprinkled on my face, and a gust of river wind hit me, and I shrank back again.I was so elusive about it, and with so many doubts, I finally fell asleep. Before dawn, I was suddenly awakened by a sound. It was the screeching sound of the washbasin being kicked over.Could it be a thief, I immediately walked down to the attic in my shorts and sweatshirt, and opened the door.

It was pitch black outside the door, and there was indeed a figure at the narrow staircase, and I heard a woman's voice: "Who?" I turned on the light in my room, which illuminated the dimly lit hallway.She was about my age, holding a key and opening the door. I asked back, "Who are you?" She looked at it, laughed, and I realized I was only wearing shorts.Then she said: "Are you a new tenant? I live next door to you. I don't know who put a broken washbasin here. I'm sorry to disturb your sleep." At this moment, my drowsiness disappeared, and I simply went out to walk around the river.At the riverside where there is no one in the morning, I remembered the story of "Nanquan Killing the Cat".In the Tang Dynasty, there was an eminent monk named Puyuan Zen Master on Nanquan Mountain in Chizhou, and the world called him Monk Nanquan.One day, the monks in the temple caught a beautiful white cat, and everyone wanted to have it, causing a dispute.Therefore, the monk Nanquan put the sickle on the cat's neck and said: "If all living beings gain the Tao, it will be saved. If they don't, cut it off."

No one answered, so Monk Nanquan went down with a knife and beheaded the cat.Later, when his apprentice Zhaozhou found out, he immediately took off his straw sandals, put them on his head and walked out.Monk Nanquan immediately sighed and said, "If you were here today, the cat would have been saved." It is said that for monks, this is an incomprehensible topic of meditation since ancient times, and there are often many different interpretations.I don't know why I think of this story. What it symbolizes is too difficult to understand, maybe it is an unsolvable problem. I wandered around for a day, and when I came back at dusk, the female neighbor next door was going out.It's strange how she goes out at night.

Unlike yesterday, I fell asleep quickly.Still in the small attic, I didn't even have a dream.Until a warm feeling woke me up slowly. what is that?The moon is still bright outside the window.I felt that the temperature was wrong, half of my body seemed to be burning, and I was shocked.There was a rush of air to my face and another sound of breathing, and of course I could tell which were mine and which were not.I'm sure there's something right next to me.I turned over gently, the fur around me was fluffy, and I reached out and touched its smooth and soft fur.It was the same cat, the doors and windows were tightly closed, I really don't know how it got in.

I stared at it with the moonlight and street lights coming in through the window.It lay there with its eyes closed as if asleep.The way it sleeps is very beautiful, especially its face, which seems to be condensed and deformed from the face of a beautiful woman in an ancient painting.And its reclining body, in order to come up with a suitable word to describe it, I thought about it for ten minutes, and I got it, this is just like the image of a noble concubine wearing a white sable fur after drinking. I'm about to strike again, although I'm afraid it will run away from me, but I can't help it.I put my hand on its back, as if I could already feel its bones. The cat bones are very light, round and smooth, and they are all in the palm of my hand.My other hand was wrapped around its waist, and I could feel my fingers go through its hipbones, wrapping my arms around its slender waist.

At this time, it opened its eyes.Unexpectedly, it didn't show any panic, and its eyes were firmly fixed on me.It was barely moving, the hot air from its nose mingling with my breath.It was so hot, I was sweating a little, but instead I grabbed it even tighter and hugged it. It didn't resist, and lay docilely in my arms, and took advantage of the opportunity to put my shoulders with its two front feet.I know it has retracted its sharp claws into the soles of its feet now, otherwise it will hurt people. I only feel a few soft pads on the soles of its feet.It's still staring at me, but with a much softer gaze.I dare to swear, it must know me, from its yellow-brown eyes, strange and charming eyes, so docile and kind to me. I've made sure it's not a dream.It is beautiful, and its small body seems to be infused with all the beauty of the biological world, including human beings.I boldly stroked its whole body, from its two thin ears to its slender and lovely neck through the long hair, from its two rows of brisk cat ribs to its ever-changing and most recalcitrant tail.Like stroking an ancient Tongqin, I stroked three turns of its body, and I almost kissed it lightly on the lips. I suddenly found myself in a classical style picture scroll, just like the illustration in the book.I can imagine that this is not a small attic, but it (her) boudoir.I was the one who broke in boldly, lying on this bed with it (her), and the moonlight shone on us.It (she) has no clothes on its whole body (this is a fact), held in my arms, touched and embraced obediently, and opened to me without a trace of reservation.And looked at me affectionately (this is imagination), although there was no pillow talk. I believe that it (she) and I are childhood sweethearts, and we have been so close in our childhood, even though it (she) in childhood has long since died.But I suddenly believed that animals like cats can come back from the dead, and now, we are all grown up. Gradually, I fell asleep, and I didn't realize that it (she) had left until dawn when I woke up, but the body temperature and smell of it (her) still remained on my body.Forgive me for using the term "it (she)", which may not be appropriate.But I really do feel that way, especially when I hold it (her) in my arms. After breakfast, the woman next door invited me to sit at her house.Her room was not big, but it was very clean.I suddenly asked her: "Do you know, there is a white cat in this area, I don't know whose family it is." "That's right, I raised that." "So it's yours, so where is it?" I almost said what happened last night, but I didn't dare. "It went out. I have a cat. I don't like to keep it at home. I just want it to be free outside. Maybe, I went out to talk with friends last night." "You said cats can also talk about friends?" I was suddenly a little nervous. "It's spring." When she said it, her expression and tone were a bit strange, "You care about it so much, so it was at your place last night?" I was silent for a while, afraid to speak, and stood up awkwardly.She hurriedly said: "Don't go, I won't ask. Actually, you are an attractive person, don't get me wrong, I mean for my cat." I stared at her. Her skin was very white, just like the snow-white fur on that cat.I even think her face is a bit like a cat, of course, this is not a malicious metaphor, it shows that she is also beautiful.I still wanted to say something, but I shrank back and left here quickly. I turned on the light at night, and the cat came again, pounced on me again.I admit that I cannot resist its (her) charm, I am conquered by it (her).As the ancients described, it (she) twists the waist slightly, perhaps this is a kind of temptation, a deliberate provocation, and it (she) has very high skills in this regard.I fell deeply into the fun of it, and did so for several nights afterwards. These days, for some unknown reason, I have a toothache, the innermost one on the left side of my mouth, although it is very slight, but this small pain has a lingering taste, and it will suddenly harass me every moment. But what worries me even more is that the plot of "Killing the Cat in Nanquan" has repeatedly haunted me.Cats are very attractive things, and because of this, cats will also become the source of human troubles and pains, which comes at the same time as the beauty that cats bring to humans, just like a pair of twin brothers.Therefore, Monk Nanquan started from the perspective of cutting off suffering. He had to kill cats, which was actually a kind of fulfillment of Buddhism.But why did Zhaozhou wear straw sandals on his head?It is really difficult for me to answer, perhaps no one has really answered this question for thousands of years. I'm really in pain, I can't tell, I just feel a damp smell rising from the bottom of my heart.When I am with it (her), I always have an illusion that it (her) is a person.Although I knew it was not, I fell into it, as if the person next to my pillow at night was really a lady who walked out of the ancient scrolls of Zhan Ziqian or Wu Daozi.This kind of fantasy is dangerous. If I can't even distinguish between humans and animals, wouldn't I be classified as a beast in clothes.So whenever I fell asleep, I would dream of a sickle, a bloody sickle, which had just beheaded a beautiful white cat.Then a monk clasped his hands to me, and I woke up with a start. The next morning I went to find my neighbor, who I had never seen with her cat.I hope she can keep an eye on her cat and keep it from running around. "It's a cruel thing to imprison a cat. You have to know that whoever can get its favor is a kind of luck. It is a beautiful creature in the world." The expression she said was very similar to that of the cat at night , I can't stay for a minute. This night, I intentionally distanced the cat from getting close to me.It (she) stared at me, ready to charge at any time, and the fur of its whole body fluctuated with panting.Suddenly its (her) eyes softened, and it curled up on the ground as if begging. The stupid eyes really made people worry.It (she) meowed, and the sound of a cat meowing is easily reminiscent of a girl's whining, but this time the meowing is so piercing, just like the cat I raised when I was young. cry. My neck seems to be strangled by something, and I also want to make a cry like it (her).The eye sockets began to get wet, and I couldn't control myself, so I went up and hugged it (her), and put our faces very close.It (her) shot a faint look from its eyes, and then stretched out its small tongue, licking my face.Only then did I realize that my tears were already on my cheeks, but they were licked away by the tip of its (her) tongue.This is really a considerate cat, I... I dare not say the following.God, my toothache suddenly intensified, as if it was upgraded to a level, at this very moment. The next day, I woke up again, and I realized that I shouldn't be so impulsive.Do I get rid of it (her), move?No, I don't want to leave the attic and the dormer windows, and I can't afford to move them, but I can't possibly evict the next-door neighbor.After spending a whole day outside, my toothache seems to be "an endless hatred". When I came home in the evening, I ran into the woman next door going out again. She still looked at me strangely. The weather was very bad that day, it was very muggy, and the weather forecast said that there might be thunderstorms in the evening.After ten o'clock, the cat really came to the appointment. It (she) pounced on my back and stroked my neck with its paws retracted.It (she) just released its claws, and it was enough to scratch my carotid artery and kill me.I was suddenly a little scared, hugged it (her), and stared at it (her), hoping to find something from its (her) eyes. I saw its (her) yellow-brown eyeballs, and that slit-like pupil.In the pupils, I could vaguely see myself, and further inside, there was actually a monk staring at me with a sickle in his hand.All of a sudden, all of these disappeared, leaving only the eyes and pupils. Monk Nanquan, it's him again, he must be looking at me.I immediately turned my eyes away from the cat's face and looked for something in the small attic. I was looking for something that would cut off my troubles.Finally, my eyes fell on a shaving razor within reach on the head of the bed.I trembled in my heart and didn't dare to touch it, so I hugged it (her) tightly in my arms again, just like a person in love, and the thought that crossed my mind caused me pain. My hand reaches for the knife. This process is extremely short, but it seems to have gone for a long time.Except for that hand, my whole body was motionless. I was terrified, afraid of being noticed by it (her) in my arms.But it (she) seems to have been intoxicated in this sweetness.This soft body is in my arms, warm, like a ball of fire, which is both warm and dangerous.How much I want this moment to become eternity, the two of us will be like this forever until we grow old together.But my hand seemed to be no longer on my arm, and that hand seemed to belong to Monk Nanquan, and finally picked up the knife. I dare not look, close my eyes, and bury my face in its (her) hairy scalp and thin ears.Although I dare not look at it, it seems that there is an eye growing on my hand, and with that sharp scraper, it approaches its (her) back.I suddenly felt that what I held in my hand was no longer a razor knife, but a scythe for mowing grass. This knife seemed to be handed over to me by Monk Nanquan himself. At this moment, another kind of pain is twitching from the nerves deep in my mouth. In this escalating toothache, I seem to have seen the decapitated cat on Nanquan Mountain, and I seem to have seen the cat I was in when I was a child. Bloody cats that were put to death, they are as beautiful as this one in my arms.Perhaps it is because of this that beauty has become a crime. Yes, beauty can commit a crime, such as the crime of temptation. For this crime, Nanquan monk said that the only punishment is death, which should be executed immediately. Now, my knife has begun to touch its (her) white hair. Suddenly a white light flashed in my closed eyes, I immediately opened my eyes and looked out of the window, and there was another dazzling white light flashing through the dark clouds of the night, it was lightning.Then there was an earth-shattering loud noise from the depths of the sky, and a thunder exploded.Although the thunder was only for a moment, it filled my small attic, my eardrums and my brain.I let go and the spatula fell on the bed.At this moment, the tip of the knife is almost about to pierce its (her) tender skin. It (she) noticed it, and it was the thunder from the sky that reminded it (her), and immediately twisted its flexible body, escaped from my arms, and jumped to the other side of the bed to stare at me.It (she) found the knife, a trace of great pain flashed in its (her) eyes, it (she) understood everything now. It (she) uttered a cry of despair, which was accompanied by sudden raindrops beating on my glass window.I understand what it (her) means, and its (her) moans are like all the hard-working and infatuated women for thousands of years.In a blink of an eye, its (her) eyes were full of helpless sorrow and hatred. I was really afraid that it (she) would jump up and bite my throat. I was trembling, but I still had the courage to go up to it (her) Reconciled. It (she) refused. It (she) is no longer like the incarnation of that watery and tender beauty, but more like an abandoned miserable person.It (she) was full of fear and hostility towards me, arched its body, and would run away without a trace at any time. The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and the thunder sounded again.And the lingering pain rose from the bottom of my heart and gums and spread all over my body. It (she) left, walking so leisurely, without looking back, maintaining its (her) dignity and demeanor, and disappeared into the light.I didn't chase, would I still dare to chase? Time seemed to stand still, only the raindrops kept beating on the window panes. I had a toothache all night, and the next day it seemed that the tooth no longer belonged to me.I tried various medicines and went to the dentist, but nothing worked, and the cause was never found. Is it some kind of mysterious punishment?In the next three days, the toothache intensified, and the cat never appeared again, and even the female neighbor next door disappeared.I knocked hard on her door, but there was no response.I could only go downstairs to inquire about her situation, but an old lady downstairs said that she had never seen the woman I mentioned, and also said that the room next to me had not been lived in for more than ten years. Empty closed.As for the cat, the old lady had never seen it either. I can't believe it, but what I saw with my own eyes was all fake.So I endured the severe toothache again, and asked about a dozen other neighbors in this area, and all got the same answer.They suggested that I go to a psychiatric hospital to check if there was any disease, and some people said mysteriously that I had encountered a ghost. No, it (she) and she both do exist, whether I am crazy or the whole world is crazy.I have a feeling that if I don't figure it out, maybe my toothache will never get better for the rest of my life.I decided to take a risk and slammed open the next door.My God, this room is completely different from the scene a few days ago. The ground is covered with thick dust, dense cobwebs are formed on the beams, and the walls of the house are empty, full of miserable and cold air.It is true that no one has lived in it for many years, but a few days ago, I clearly talked to that woman in this room.Oh my toothache is starting to torment me again. I was so painful that my whole body went limp, and I sat down on the ground, kicking up dust all over the floor.I think about the cat, but my mind is darkened by the terrible toothache, but the only thing I know is that I know I have lost it (her) forever. Suddenly I seemed to see something, it was on Nanquan Mountain, Zhao Zhou, the apprentice of Monk Nanquan, was walking out of the mountain gate with straw sandals on his head.He was smiling at me, the sickle and the monk Nanquan disappeared, leaving only a tall Buddhist temple and a revived cat. Now I can finally understand why Zhaozhou wears straw sandals on his head.