Chapter 102 chapter Five

I have been sick for a long time, but Luo Shuai did not leave me alone, he took good care of me and let me stay by his side. He is so kind to me, so good that I feel guilty, I have nothing to give him (except that), I would rather hope that what he wants is not me, but another girl, such as Dodo.Later, Dodo was really with him, and I began to be afraid of loneliness, I was afraid of being left alone, so there was Chaoyang. But I still want him, so Dodo and Chaoyang must die. Many times I can't tell what is real and what I imagined. Real people and things are always mixed with unreal ones.I know I'm getting sicker and sicker, but I still try to stay off my meds as much as I can because I feel more at ease living in this half-dream world.

I am afraid that one day when I wake up, I will find that Luo Shuai is actually a fictional character. As a kid I used to make up my imaginary friends and imagine us having fun together. At first I was just kidding myself, but over time I realized I could actually see them. The time with fantasy friends is very happy. When I am wronged in the real world, in the fantasy world, they will comfort me and make me happy. Only they will not make me sad, only they will accept me. At least that's what I believed then. But I know that if they have their own consciousness, they might hate me too. I have known since I was a child that I am an unlovable nuisance, mediocre, and I am not good at studying. They will definitely abandon me. ,Most definitely.

So Chaoyang left. Chaoyang was my longest fantasy friend, but he also left me, I couldn't accept it, so I killed him in the imaginary world, and then threw him into the sea. I think I should hate myself. "You can't always hate yourself. You have to know that there are people in this world who like you. You have a lot of likes. That's why I'm here because I like you. Do you understand?" Yes, but you can't prove to me that you really exist, Luo Shuai. I've been on my meds ever since my fantasy world turned bloody.But I didn't intend to be too obedient, because I still can't get out of that world, that place is like a hotbed that is extremely dirty but still exuding intimacy, waiting to hug me with open arms at any time, and I am not so resistant .

There are also some good things that come with the meds, since I've been taking my meds on time, those weird hallucinations are less.Now there are no floating pyramids, no imaginary friends who will make me sad, only Luo Shuai is by my side—if he is also an imaginary friend, then he should not be the kind that would make me cry, at least not for now. I thought so.