Chapter 31 3. The hollowed-out man

I drank a lot of wine and staggered through the alleys at night.The more I walk, the more lonely I feel; the more lonely I feel, the more I feel that in the quiet alley, the surrounding scenery will crush me, trembling, and making me feel scared. Everything around looks so unbelievable.When passing by a courtyard gate in the alley, a young man who didn't know whether it was a man or a woman was leaning against the gate.The boy had a bald head and smiled at me while weeping: "Brother, brother, who is the sister behind you?" "Get out, get out! Fucking stupid hallucination, fuck you." I cursed rudely, but didn't dare to provoke him (her).Maybe in normal times, I would think that I met a lunatic, and then I broke out in a cold sweat and ran away; but this night, I didn't react, and I was still swaying, like a lonely ghost.

Perhaps, my memories of that day are all messed up. There was nothing on the street at that time, and the street lamps reflected my crooked shadow.Without the concept of time, and not knowing what time it was, I went home. When I opened the door, Ice Cream was screaming at me.While screaming, he shrunk back. "Why, you don't even know me anymore?" I hummed and pressed the headlight switch for a long time before I suddenly remembered that the house was out of electricity. "Let's go to sleep." I fell on the bed, but I lay down, but I didn't feel sleepy.There was a pain in my head like a needle prick, and white snowflakes flew around in front of my eyes.

The light outside the window reflected some strangely shaped shadows. I angrily closed the curtains, but I still didn’t feel satisfied, so I erected the kennel to block the light. The room was finally completely dark, but my eyes quickly adapted to the darkness—something dangling in the room, is it my clothes hanging out?My computer desk will move?The hardcover book I threw on the table opened by itself? Fuck it, I can't stay in the room any longer because of the panic and panic. "Come on, ice cream, let's go out for the night..." "Ice Cream" got excited.In my house, there are two words that are forbidden - "get out" and "play".As long as these two words are spoken, "Ice Cream" will shake its tail quickly, jump up and down, and fidget.So, unless you take it out to play, there is never a moment of peace.

So, one person and one dog wandered into the street. "Ice Cream" was very happy at the beginning, running hard, dragging me by the dog chain, I don't know who is walking whom; after half an hour, its energy is much weaker, and it stops to look at me from time to time; after an hour Finally, it was tired and moved slowly; after a while, it simply sat on the ground and stopped moving, raising its small eyebrows pitifully, and twisting its small eyes to look at me. "Can't walk anymore? Then let's take a break. There is no way, there is no light at home, I'm afraid." I sat on the curb, and she lay at my feet, humming.

The summer night is not cold, but it is windy, and I shrink closer and closer to my feet.It's too late, I can't take it to bother my parents, not to mention my parents have to serve my ninety-four-year-old grandma; I can't take the dog to a hotel to open a room, it's too ridiculous.No way, I bought a box of luncheon meat to feed it as compensation. I never imagined that I would end up in this situation one day. Recall that two years ago, I resigned because my senior sister committed suicide by jumping off a building.At that time, some people scolded me and others advised me: those who scolded me were my parents, and those who advised me were relatives and friends.I didn't take it seriously, but for the sake of survival and career, I still found a way out of my old profession - I became a wandering doctor who went from house to house.

In the past two years, how many cases I have received and how many people have been treated are somewhat vague.But what I can't forget in my heart is still the senior sister who I couldn't help because I wasn't there on a business trip.Shortly after quitting my job, I was hallucinating, probably out of excessive self-blame. I saw patients hanged to death; I saw a blush floating in the bathtub; but maybe just like Jian Xinlan said, I cured them and rewritten their future from then on.Therefore, the person involved need not hesitate any longer, but what about me, what have I become in the end?

My condition is getting worse. In just a few years, I have evolved from hallucinating patients to hallucinating family members of patients. Now, I also regard the real world as an illusion.If the godfather and mother were not present today, the consequences would be disastrous.How can I help others like this? Why can't I hallucinate my own death?If I saw it, it would be like a death sentence for me, and I would be relieved instead.It's much better than being powerless now! It is true that everyone will have some degree of psychological problems at different stages.My hallucination is not a psychological problem!It's much more serious!Like a ghost, I let go of my dignity and called Jian Xinlan.On the phone, I cried...

Jian Xinlan was terrified, and she didn't bother to ask what happened, so she hurriedly drove to find me.Her speed was very fast, and when she arrived, I stopped crying. Ice Cream was licking my face with its wet tongue, and the sticky saliva was quickly dried by the wind. "Why do you still have a baby with you?" Her face was obviously full of surprise, and she immediately got us tired into the car, "Go to my house for the night." I didn't fight back, leaning on the back seat, hugging the dog. "Ice Cream" is very well-behaved and very satisfied.It was very grateful for Ms. Jane's help, and in return, it urinated in her car.

I followed Jian Xinlan upstairs in a daze. "Do you want to sleep on the bed or on the sofa?" She took a cushion and spread it on the dog. "I don't sleep in bed. With your scent, I will be dreaming." "Oh, like it does?" She pointed to her leg. As a male dog, "Xue Gao" shamelessly reveals its gender everywhere.At this moment, it was hugging Jian Xinlan's leg, and its crotch kept moving... "Uh..." I was so embarrassed, I didn't know what to say, so I had to drag "Ice Cream" away. "Does it have a girlfriend?"

"No?" "You won't find it for it?" "Ok." "Then go for the sterilization operation." "Why, the dog has been made, in the group of dogs, it will be looked down upon!" "Keep that thing and don't let it be used. It's too cruel. It's better to do it!" We have different philosophies, and that's okay.I hurriedly scolded "Snow Cake": "Be honest!" Ice Cream can say anything, if you don't let me do it, then don't do it, so I groaned and got down on the mat. "You don't want to be like it?" Jian Xinlan asked suddenly.

"what?" "It's so funny, your face is blushing, how old are you, and you're still embarrassed!" "Is it because you are too bold? Like a man." I am not convinced. "Really?" She stared at me with interest, "Up to now, you still don't admit that I am your psychiatrist. If you admit it, you will believe that I, like you, have no gender." "Who is it! You wear two more clothes!" I whispered. Jian Xinlan is very interesting. After hearing what I said, she lowered the air conditioner to 16 degrees, and really put on an extra dress, at least to wrap her legs.The curve of her calf is quite beautiful, now I can't see it, but I feel at ease... "Go to sleep." She handed over a blanket. "Can't sleep..." "Lie down if you can't sleep, I'll coax you to sleep." Who doesn't think of her as a psychiatrist, it's because she speaks too ambiguously!I thought it was funny, but I lay down anyway. "Would you like some hypnosis?" Jian Xinlan asked. "No, I can't trust you!" "Okay, tell me, what happened today?" So, I recounted my experience of going to my godfather's house to celebrate his birthday, and my godfather's saying of "making furniture". "That's weird! I'm not saying you're weird," she quickly explained, "In that case, you never thought that Qianqian would commit suicide, so it's not a problem at all to regard it as your hallucination. I I mean, why did she cut her wrists?" Jian Xinlan is very smart, that is indeed a problem that bothers me; discussing this problem with me can free me from paying attention to myself to the greatest extent. "I don't know. Wait a minute, is there such a possibility? That imaginary third person appeared and caused her some kind of excitement. Because tonight, there are only four of us in the yard, and there can be no third party." By." "Yeah, she said she was crazy, didn't she?" "yes." "What do you mean by being crazy? She keeps seeing that woman?" "Speaking of which, it's hard to say whether this woman really exists. I dare not vouch for my godfather. But it is very possible, there is no such thing as a third party!" "That is to say, from the very beginning, she fabricated a third party for her father. What's the reason?" "I can't say, maybe my godmother is annoying. At least my parents, like me, don't like her very much. On the contrary, godfather is very popular. Since Qianqian also denies her mother, but after all, she is She was her own, so in my own mind, I forged another woman?" "It's not reasonable. From her dictation, she is hostile to this third party. If she created it herself, why should she hate this woman?" "Unless she still has a father-in-law complex, because she has complained about her godfather for a long time, so this sympathy has undergone a deformed transformation." I couldn't help being stunned when I said such a sentence. Jian Xinlan didn't agree with this point of view either. She leaned on the sofa and thought for a long time before she said, "We were too anxious to find a reasonable explanation and ignored the essential problem. In any case, it doesn't matter whether her father has a third party or not." It may have prompted her to commit suicide. If she committed suicide, there must be reasons related to herself." "You're right. I asked for her boyfriend's phone number. Do you think the problem lies with him?" "It's possible, when will you meet him?" "Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow at the latest." "Okay, I'll go with you!" "Why?" I sat up on the bed. "If you want to listen to the reason, then I will tell you. First, this is not a case you officially received, because it concerns your godfather's family. It is best not to handle the issues of relatives and friends by yourself. This is an industry rule; second, I have no objection to you continuing to deal with this issue, because this case is related to your illness, so I asked my colleagues to observe you better; third, because you are now having difficulty distinguishing reality from hallucinations, so I am on the sidelines Helping is also counting as helping you." She looked directly at me without blinking her eyes. I looked at her light purple eye shadow with hopeless suspicion, and said, "Then the same reason, you also want to participate in Yang Jie's case?" "No, you deal with that alone, I believe you can do well." "Really? What's the reason?" "The rationale is that you're emotionally invested in the two cases differently. The more emotionally invested you are, the worse off you are." "Hmph, I thought you cared about my affair with Qianqian." "Yeah! I really care about it!" She couldn't stop talking, and said, "Xiao Ai, how long has it been since you had sex?" "You—shouldn't you say how long I haven't had a girlfriend?!" "Don't be mean, we both know that's not the case!" "Two years!" "Are you abstinent?" "And you?" "Five days?" She bent down happily, the tip of her nose was only a short distance away from me, and suddenly, she sat up straight again—this woman is really annoying!Greedy me, but not let me "eat". "Get out of here!" I turned over, lay down again, and turned my face to look at the back of the sofa. "What? Are you jealous?" She put a hand on my waist.sky!I feel numb all over. "You..." I had to turn around and look at her in horror. "Xue Gao" was not happy anymore, she stood on her two back feet, and pushed Jian Xinlan with her two front feet, as if saying, "What are you doing? Get out of the way!" Jian Xinlan and I were both amused, a crisis that I didn't know how to deal with was over. "What a loyal puppy." Jian Xinlan stood up, turned off the light, and went back to her room, "Sleep well." With a click, the door closed. Is that faithfulness?I'm at a loss—that's jealousy...