Chapter 26 10. The Fourteen Laws of Suicide Intervention

Who am I working for?This question has bothered me for a long time. In principle, I should serve my client; but if the interests of the client conflict with the interests of the family, who should I turn to?Blind my client for the benefit of the family, or sell the family for the health of the client? I was in a dilemma and didn't know what to do for a long time.I began to think about another possibility. The relationship between Li Yonglin and Yang Jie was over. Even if Yang Jie committed suicide again and really died, Li Yonglin would not agree to remarry.On the other hand, what is Yang Jie's real recovery, I am afraid it is not guarding a shattered old relationship, she should move towards a new life, towards her own tomorrow.

In this way, Li Yonglin's payment was suppressed by me. When I was thinking about these things, Yang Jie didn't know the reason for my silence.She continued: "I know you are amazing, can you help me see tomorrow?" "I really want to do this, but you can't see the world through my eyes. I'm at most a lamp to help you shine a light." "It's good to have a little light." I saw a little disappointment in her eyes. "But I can't see anything," she added. "Then next time I shave my head, you can see clearly." I took out the USB flash drive from my pocket, "Can I borrow your computer for a while?"

"Okay, what do you want to use?" "You'll know in a while." I connected the USB drive and found one of the songs. This is an old song by Barbra Streisand - "Someone in Need of Company".Strictly speaking, judging by the current aesthetic standards, at least I don't think it sounds good.But its lyrics are interesting.There is such a sentence: "I used to be only half a person, but now I am a complete person." It can be deduced from this that a single person is a half person, and when he gets married, he becomes complete; but once he divorces, he becomes a half person again.

While playing the song, I translated it for Yang Jie so that she could understand the lyrics. She liked this song very much and asked me to play it several times.She began to hum along, and then unconsciously sang a few lines along. "Does it sound good?" I turned off the player and asked her. "It's okay, just leave it to me." "To stay is to stay, but do you think the lyrics are right?" "Half a person?" "Yes." "I think you're right, I'm like half a human right now." "Isn't it?" I stretched out my hand and kicked my legs, "Look, I have two hands, two feet, and one head, so I'm a complete person? You are too. If there is an extra set, I won't be able to Is it a monster?"

I made her laugh: "But, that's a metaphor." "The analogy may not be appropriate. Think about it, from birth until we are old and dead, most of the time, we are still alone. If something good happens, I am very happy, and others will replace me I am happy, but is their happiness equal to my happiness? No! I have a ninety-two-year-old grandma. Some time ago, she almost suffered a stroke and was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment. When she was hospitalized, she lay in a very uncomfortable position. I always wanted to get out of bed. But it was cold outside the quilt, and she would catch a cold if she kept stretching her legs out. One day the doctor came to persuade her. She trusted the doctor very much, so I asked: "Is this doctor good?" She said. Good’. I said, “Then listen to the doctor.” The old lady snorted: “No matter how good it is, she can’t come and suffer for me.” You see, it’s the same reason, others can’t replace us, We need to be strong on our own, so we are whole people. Marriage just helps us form a family, and even if the marriage breaks down, we are still whole people, right?"

This time, it was her turn to meditate. After thinking for a while, she solemnly agreed: "I think you are right. In the past, I relied too much on Li Yonglin, so after the divorce, I was at a loss; now I understand, I It's still me, it has nothing to do with divorce or not, I can continue to live." I breathed a sigh of relief, thank goodness! Everyone said that Yang Jie is a strong person, Li Yonglin said it, Yang Ying and Miss Sister also said it.The so-called "being strong" actually varies from person to person—some people are born strong, and some people are just the opposite, because he can always see that if he falls behind others, he will be very insecure—then the so-called " Be strong" is more like a countermeasure formed to avoid uneasiness.

Yang Jie is such a person.She has a strong sense of dependence, and she has not worked for seven years, which has dragged down her sense of independence.So while preventing her suicide, help her rebuild her confidence in life. At this time, she herself felt relieved.Perhaps from then on, she discovered that I might be useful, and this usefulness was not to point out a way for her, but to help her find a way out for herself.This is the essence of psychological counseling. The subsequent conversation became smoother. She talked to me about their marriage, recalling the happy moments and the disturbances of the quarrel. She still cried, but it was just a venting cry, and it didn't get out of control.

I gave her the TAF scale and the results were okay.Scores in perception and cognition are relatively optimistic, emotions are slightly worse, and emotions are worse, but they are still within the adjustable range.We were both relieved by that. Regarding Yang Jie's native family, I plan to discuss it later, so I didn't mention it this morning.In the end, I discussed with her: "Yang Jie, after I leave, maybe you will feel better, maybe you won't. It's okay, I just need you to confirm one thing with me, if you want to commit suicide again, no matter when and where, Give me a call, please?"

She agreed and took down my cell phone number. "How much should I give you?" She walked me to the door. "No money." I said against my will.Until then, I never really felt uncomfortable. Li Yonglin has already given me money, so of course I can't accept two copies!But without money, there is no doubt that it will increase Yang Jie's affection and dependence on me. "How can this be!" she protested. "Of course it can!" I found one thing that is more troublesome than bargaining - that is, when others force me to pay, I still push it out hypocritically!

In the end, we made such a fuss that the neighbors came out to watch.I took a compromise method: "Well, I will provide five free consultations first. If it is suitable, I will charge as much as I should charge in the future. You are not welcome, okay?" "Oh, that's the only way." She finally agreed, and finally sent me to the station. After getting in the car, I immediately took out my phone and contacted Li Yonglin: "That's fine, I said, if Yang Jie pays voluntarily after five times, it will help her become independent and save you some expenses." "Okay, you can do whatever you say." He responded immediately, but I always felt a little impatient in his tone.

Too lazy to think about it, I hung up the phone and fell asleep in the car. When I got home, I continued to sort out the case information. In order to make this book have some practical value, I have attached the fourteen suicide management principles summarized here, so that those who need it can refer to it by themselves. 1.Do not blame or preach to the help-seeker. (This also includes angry stares and helpless expressions.) 2.Do not criticize the suicidal person or offer criticism of his choices or actions. (Regardless of whether his choices and opinions are right or wrong, and whether they meet your standards, please abide by this principle. Suicide is an act of self-denial, so please don’t make it worse for him. In addition, when talking with a suicidal person, you should try to Reduce rhetorical questions, such as: "Can you stop thinking that way?") 3.Don't discuss the right and wrong of suicidal behavior with her. (same reason as above) 4.Don't take it lightly to tell a suicide that his crisis is over. (Clinically, a suicide attempter is likely to commit another suicide. So unless you are confident that you have extraordinary insight, don't jump to conclusions.) 5.Do not deny the suicidal ideation to seek help. (It is rare for a suicidal person to simply want to die without asking for help. So pay attention to the signs that he is showing, because these may be his way of asking for your help.) 6.Don't try to challenge the shocking results. (The meaning of this sentence is that if the suicide person took drugs, or stood on the roof, or raised a knife, don't think you can take it lightly, please contact the necessary first responders or the police. Also, in If you don’t have professional ability, don’t think that you can get things done with just a few words.) 7.Don't leave the suicidal person alone for a long time, but don't always observe him and analyze him. (Suicides are often very sensitive, and your observations can hardly escape his eyes, so get along with him carefully and don't let him be wary of you.) 8.In a crisis phase, don't diagnose, don't analyze, and don't explain. (The crisis stage refers to the implementation stage of suicide. During this period, it is meaningless to say redundant words. This has been described many times in the article. Don’t try to impress him with family affection and social concepts.) 9.Don't fall into passivity. (Suicides are highly contagious because they express their thoughts all the time, so don't let him lead you by the nose.) 10.Don't act too hastily, stay calm. (In contrast to suicidal behavior, the treatment of suicide is a very slow process. You have a lot to say, but you still have to do it a little at the end.) 11.Don't let a suicidal person keep their suicide a secret. (Talking about the suicide itself without judgment, rather than letting him keep it a secret.) 12.Don't be distracted by people or things around you. (If you are not careful, it may lead to disaster!) 13.Don't describe the past or present suicide behavior of the suicide person as glorious, martyrdom, greatness, let alone deify it among others! (Suicide has a social impact. A misunderstanding in the media now is that too much talk about suicide.) 14.Don't forget about track records. (Comparing the demeanor, feelings and moods of the suicide before and after.) These fourteen "don'ts" apply to almost anyone involved in suicide prevention.Remember, no method is foolproof.If there is a crisis, it is still necessary to seek professional help.