Chapter 25 Part Three Third Attempt...Done!

I met a Russian, a painter, of course.He is very talented and very Cézanne-like!He didn't sell many paintings, but he had a lot of conviction and I adored him. He was thirty-four, handsome, sentimental, with beautiful blue eyes and a solid build.This time, I was really in love, and so was he. But I still feel anxious, and I even ask myself if I will never be able to give myself to a man.And this one, I really like him, I want so much for him to turn me into a woman. We lived together for 2 months...he didn't touch me! Despite this, I feel that he loves me very much, but I am afraid that he will treat me like a little girl too much.

In fact, he knew my past—he knew I was longing for him.He was not in a rush, and treated me tenderly and considerately, the way Orientals in love are good at! He was away for a few days, and when he came back the desire was even stronger.I believe that if he doesn't take the initiative again, I will take him by myself!It all went so well though, I'm amazed how easily he got me! So, great love!Our physical bodies fit together harmoniously.I am finally a woman.I asked myself why I waited so long!However, I regained lost time. We lived in a studio lent to us by the great organist Widor.

He gave us a harmonium on which I played something a little like a hymn, and we also had a piano which Gilbert, the piano maker, rented to us, and we paid the rent with paintings!Gilbert was an old friend, he had always liked artists, and he knew they were not very rich, so he was not very demanding on rent.The honest Gilbe, with his eyes squinted and always smiling, has a small round belly under his trousers, like a hidden treasure trove, and he only breaks the silence when he sings a ditty. Always the same tune, only one line of lyrics: "Mimi, you, your eyes make me intoxicated...in love!"

Honest Gilbe, unobtrusive patron saint. Wido often came to visit us, and he played four-hands with my lover, and the music was so beautiful that I was very moved. When someone gave us a ticket, we went to a beautiful concert. I was surprised to find that classical music moved me so much! Modern music also makes me very happy. One tune that I can listen to several times in the same day is De Ravel's "My Mother Goose". If anyone wants me to do something, just say: "I'll play 'My Mother Goose' for you if you'd like." I will do so immediately. Anyway, I still have to find a job!It bothers me to be a burden to my lover and I wish I could help him!I don't dislike anything.I got a job washing bottles at chez Felix Potin, which wasn't a great job, but I didn't care.I couldn't be happier to be able to make some money and go home!

I ate upstairs in the store with the salesgirls who made fun of me for wearing a pink skirt backed up with whalebone; white slippers with rope soles; cherry.I wash skirts and shoes every day. Sometimes there is no fire at home to dry them, and the next day, I wear them to dry.