Chapter 34 Chapter Thirty

The next day, Laila didn't get up all day.She was covered in a blanket that morning when Rasheed stuck his head in and said he was going to get a haircut.When he came home that evening, he showed her his new haircut, his new second-hand suit—blue with cream lines—and the wedding ring he had bought her, while she was still in bed. . Rasheed sat down on the bed next to her, and slowly undoing the ribbon with seriousness, opened the box, and carefully took out the ring.He also revealed that in order to buy this ring, he sold Mariam's old one. "She doesn't care. Trust me. She won't even find out."

Lyra shrank to the other end of the bed.She could hear the hiss of Mariam ironing downstairs. "She never wears them anyway," Rasheed said. "I don't want it," Lyra said weakly. "Not this kind of thing. You have to return it." "Back?" A look of impatience flashed across his face.He smiled. "I've added some money - quite a lot, actually. It's a much better ring, 22K gold. Feel how heavy? Come on. Feel it. Don't you?" He closed the box . "How about flowers? That's good too. Do you like flowers? Do you have a favorite? Daisies? Tulips? Lilacs? No flowers? That's great! I know a tailor in De Marzan. I was thinking I could take you there tomorrow and have him make you a dress that fits you."

Laila shook her head. Rasheed raised an eyebrow. "I just want ASAP??" Lyra said. He reached out a hand and put it on her neck.Lyra couldn't help shaking and flinching.Being touched by him was like being naked and wearing a damp and scratchy old sweater. "how?" "I just want to get things done as quickly as possible." Rasheed opened his mouth, then laughed, showing all his yellow teeth. "That would be the best," he said. Before Abdullah Sharif came to visit, Laila had made up her mind to leave for Pakistan.Now Laila thought she might have left even after Abdullah Sharif came to report the funeral.Go somewhere far away from here.Leave her alone in a city where every street corner is a trap, and every alley hides a ghost that will jump out at her unexpectedly.She might risk her life to get out.

But, suddenly, leaving was no longer an option. Because she vomits every day. Because her breasts have recently become fuller. It was also because she clearly knew that in the midst of this chaos, she didn't know what happened, and her menstruation stopped unexpectedly. Laila pictured herself in a refugee camp, surrounded by a desolate landscape, with thousands of sheets of plastic hanging from improvised pillars, hunting in the biting wind.Beneath the hastily erected tent, she saw her baby, Tariq's baby, thin-faced, slack-jawed, skin blotched with grey-blue.She imagined that in this north windy land, a group of strangers dug a burrow, then scrubbed its small body, wrapped it in a tawny shroud, and released it under the disappointed gaze of a few vultures. into the hole.

How can she run away now? Lyra thought bleakly of the people in her life.Ahmed and Noor, dead.Hasina, let's go.Kitty, dead.Mom, dead.Dad, dead.Now Tarek? ? But, miraculously, there was something left of her old life, one last connection to the man who had been in her life before she became so utterly alone.A part of Tariq was still alive inside her, sprouting tiny arms and growing crystal hands.It was the only thing Tariq and her old life had left for her, how could she take it to adventure? She made a hasty decision.Six weeks had passed since she and Tariq had sex.Any later and Rasheed would have doubts.

She knew what she had done was disgraceful.Disgraceful, hypocritical, shameful.Especially unfair to Mariam.But even though the baby inside her was still only the size of a mulberry, Laila knew what she had to sacrifice as a mother.Morality is just the first thing. She put her hands on her stomach and closed her eyes. Lyra would remember that quiet wedding in bits and pieces.Cream stripes on Rasheed's suit.The pungent smell of his hairspray.A tiny cut from a shave on his Adam's apple.Those fingers yellowed by cigarettes when he put the ring on her.pen.It cannot write words.Find a new pen.engagement.Signed, his firm hand, her trembling hand.prayer.In the mirror Rashid was found trimming his eyebrows.

Also, somewhere in the room, Mariam was watching.Mariam's objection made it hard for her to breathe. Lyra couldn't muster the courage to look the older woman in the eye. That night, she lay under the cold quilt on his bed and watched him draw the curtains.She was trembling even before his fingers unbuttoned her blouse and undid the strings of her trousers.He is very excited.His fingers fumbled to remove his own shirt and undo his belt.Laila could see clearly his slack chest, his protruding navel, the small blue vein in the middle of the navel, the tufts of white hair on his chest, his shoulders, his upper arms.He felt his eyes wandering over her.

"My God, I think I'm in love with you," he said. She chattered her teeth and begged him to turn off the light. Then, when she was sure he was asleep, Laila reached quietly under the mattress and pulled out a pocket knife she had hidden there earlier.She took a knife and cut her index finger.Then she lifted the blanket and let the blood from her finger drip onto the sheet where they'd just been lying together.