Chapter 35 Chapter 34

The whole of this chapter is dedicated to the exhaustive and faithful report of the memorable trial of Bardell v. Pickwick "I really don't know what the foreman—and whoever he is—he eats for breakfast," Mr. Snaggrass said, trying to find something to say, on the eventful morning of February 14th. "Ah!" said Panka, "I hope he will have a good meal." "Why?" asked Mr. Pickwick. "It is very important; very important, my good sir," replied Pankat. "A jury who has had a good and satisfying breakfast is easy to deal with. A jury who is dissatisfied or hungry, my good sir, always judges in favor of the plaintiff."

"Why," said Mr. Pickwick, with an air of loss, "what are they doing?" "Well, I don't know," replied the little man coldly, "to save time, I suppose. If it's almost dinner-time, and the jury retires, the presiding judge takes out his watch and says, 'Warm, gentlemen, I tell you, it's ten minutes to five! I dine at five, gentlemen.' 'Me too,' said all the others; except two, who were three o'clock It should be eaten, so it seems that I really want to stick to the end. The chief juror smiled and put away the watch: "Then, gentlemen, how do we judge? The plaintiff or the defendant, gentlemen? I think this is my own. As far as opinions go, gentlemen—I say, I think—but don't let that get you in the way—I kind of think the plaintiff is right.' Hearing this, two or three of the others must have Would say they thought so too--of course; and then they got on very well and happily. It's ten past nine!" said the little man, looking at his watch. "It's time for us to go, my good sir; a trial for repudiation—the courts are always full for such cases. You'd better ring for a carriage, my good sir, or else We're going to be late."

Mr. Pickwick immediately rang the bell; and when the carriage was brought, the four Pickwickians and Mr. Pankar seated in it, and drove off to Guildhall; Sam Weller, Mr. Lawton, and a blue The file bag followed in a pony cart behind. "Laughton," said Panka, when they were in a hall outside the courthouse, "take Mr. Pickwick's friends into the pupils; Mr. Pickwick had better sit with me. To this This way, my good sir." The little dwarf took Mr. Pickwick by the sleeve of his coat, and led him to the low seat just under the table of the Counsel to the Crown, which is for the convenience of Advocates And set up, from where they can whisper to the lead defense attorney, give him some needed guidance as the trial proceeds.Most spectators cannot see whoever sits in this position because they sit at a much lower ground level than either the lawyers or the audience, whose seats are elevated above the floor.Yet they turned their backs to both, and to the Judge.

"I suppose? That's the witness stand," said Mr. Pickwick, pointing to what looked like a pulpit with a brass railing on the left. "It's the witness stand, my good sir," replied Pankat, drawing some papers from the blue paper-bag which Lawton had just delivered to him. "And that one," said Mr. Pickwick, pointing to the two rows of seats on the right which are enclosed in another space, "that's where the jury sits." "Exactly, my good sir," replied Pankat, patting the lid of the snuffbox. Mr. Pickwick rose with great excitement to see the scene in court.There was already a large crowd of spectators in the corridors, and a number of wig-wearing gentlemen assembled at the bar: they, taken as a whole, already possessed all the amusing and varied noses and mustaches which have made the English bar world famous. .Those who had a brief of the facts of the proceedings in their hands carried it conspicuously as much as possible, and constantly tickled their noses with it, to reinforce the impression in the minds of spectators.Other gentlemen who did not have a summary book to "display", carried a beautiful octavo volume under their arms, and dragged a red bookmark behind them. The saying is called "legal calfskin" [Note].Other gentlemen, who had neither summaries nor large volumes, put their hands in their pockets, and tried to look as clever as they could; The admiration and surprise of laymen are enough.To Mr. Pickwick's amazement, all the people, in many small groups, gossiped about the news of the day with the most indifferent attitude--as if there was no such thing as a trial.

Mr. Pickwick's attention was attracted by Mr. Dustpan: he entered, bowed to him, and took the seat behind the Counselor's seat; Mr. Mallard came in, followed by Mr. Mallard. He put on the barrister's desk a big red document bag half as big as the barrister's body, shook hands with Panka, and withdrew, then came in again. There were two or three barristers, and one of them, a fat man with a red face, nodded friendly to barrister Mr. Snabbing and said that the weather is fine today. "Who is that red-faced man who says it's a fine day and nods to our lawyer?" whispered Mr. Pickwick.

"The barrister doesn't know Mr. Fuzhi," Panka replied. "He is our chief counsel on the opposing side. The gentleman behind him is Mr. Schipping, his second." Mr. Pickwick loathed the man's ruthless criminal conduct, and was about to ask Panka why the barrister for the other side had somehow the nerve to say to Mr. Snabbin, the barrister, that the weather was fine, when Suddenly all the lawyers stood up, and the officials in the court shouted "Quiet!"Just interrupted his words.When he looked back, it turned out that the judge had appeared in court. Inquisitor Mr. Steiner (the Chief Inquisitor was absent because he was ill, he was a temporary substitute) was a strange dwarf and so fat that it seemed that he had only a face and a waistcoat.He waddled in on two little deformed legs, bowed solemnly to the lawyers, and they bowed solemnly to him, and placed a little legs, and put a little three-cornered hat on the table, so that the only judge, Mr. Steiner, was left with a pair of strange little eyes, a big pink face and about Half a big, funny-looking wig.

As soon as the judge was seated, an official in the main hall of the court shouted "Silence!" in an orderly tone!At the same time, another official in the corridor shouted "Silence" in an angry manner!Therefore, only three or four messengers shouted "Silence" in angry reprimanding tones!After this, a gentleman in black, seated below the judge, called the jurors one by one; and after a long call, it was found that only ten special jurors were present.The barrister, therefore, without knowing it, pleaded to make up the shortfall; and the gentleman in black proceeded to find two ordinary jurors to fill it in; a fresh vegetable seller and a chemical manufacturer were found at once.

"Call your names, gentlemen, for you will be sworn," said the gentleman in black. "Richard Applewitch." "Here," said the fresh fruit and vegetable seller. "Thomas Groffin." "Here," said the chemical maker. "Hold on to your Bibles, gentlemen. Just and faithfully—" "Excuse the court," said the chemical maker, a tall, thin, yellow-faced man, "I hope the court will spare me." "What reason do you have, sir?" said Inquisitor Herr Steiner. "Because I have no assistant, my lord," said the chemist.

"Then I don't care, sir," said Inquisitor Mr. Steiner. "You should hire one." "I can't afford it, my lord," replied the chemist. "Then you should be able to afford your employment, sir," said the judge, flushing; for Herr Steiner, the judge, has a temper that borders on irascibility, and cannot bear pleas. "I know I should, if I could live as well as I should; but I haven't, my lord," replied the chemist. "Let him be sworn," said the judge decisively. The official in the court had just said, "Just and faithfully," when he was interrupted again by the chemist.

"Shall I take an oath, my lord,?" said the chemist. "Yes, sir," said the irascible little judge. "Yes, my lord," replied the chemist, with condescension. "Then there's going to be a murder before the trial is over; that's it. Swear, as you please, sir;" the chemist had sworn before the judge could think of what to say. "I just want to say, my lord," said the chemist, taking his seat discreetly, "that there is only one boy in my shop. He is a very good boy, my lord, but he doesn't know medicine, and I know his brains." The general idea here is that oxalic acid is Epsom salts, and opium is channa syrup. That's it, my lord." With this, the lanky chemist settled down and sat down, with a feisty look on his face, as if ready to go. worst-case scenario.

While Mr. Pickwick was looking at the chemist with the deepest horror, there was a slight perceptible commotion in the court; and then Mrs. Clappins was seen holding Mrs. Bardell in, and was ushered in, Sitting listlessly at the other end of Pickwick's stool.Afterwards, Mr. Dawson sent a very large umbrella, and Mr. Fogg sent a pair of wooden booths. Both of them deliberately put on the most sympathetic and sad faces.Mrs. Sanders followed, bringing Master Baldur.Mrs. Bardell, startled at the sight of her child, suddenly regained her composure, and kissed him in a frenzied manner; then the good lady sank into a state of hysterical weakness, and said, Where is she now, please?Mrs. Clappins and Mrs. Sanders answered with weeping, their heads turned away.Meanwhile, Dawson and Fogg begged the plaintiff for a little relief.The barrister didn't know how to wipe his eyes vigorously with a large white handkerchief, and cast an appealing look at the juror. At the same time, the judge was obviously moved, and several witnesses tried to suppress the pain with coughing. own inner feelings. "Very good idea, really," Panka whispered to Mr. Pickwick. "Those fellows Dawson and Fogg are marvelous; good idea, my good sir, wonderful." While Panka was talking, Mrs. Bardell began to recover slowly and gradually, while Mrs. Clappins, after examining Master Bardell's half-buttoned buttons and buttonholes carefully, called him to her mother's house. Sit down on the floor in front of you—a position of command in which he will not fail to arouse the full pity and sympathy of judge and jury.Sitting, though not without many protests and tears from the little gentleman; and there was a certain suspicion in his heart that placing him under the full sweep of the judge's eyes was only a formal preliminary procedure. , and then immediately pull him out and kill him, at least he will be exiled overseas, and he will never come back for the rest of his life. "The Buddle and Pickwick case," cried the gentleman in black, signifying the formal opening of the first case on the list. "Your Excellency, I am the plaintiff's attorney," said the barrister, Unaware. "Who is with you, brother I don't know Fuzhi?" said the judge.Mr. Shi Jinping bowed, indicating that it was him. "My lord, I am for the accused," said Mr. Snabbing, barrister. "Who's helping you, brother Snabbin?" asked the judge. "My lord, Mr. Dustpan," replied Mr. Snabbin. "Plaintiff's Counsel, Mr. Unknown and Mr. Schipping," said the Judge, writing in his note-book as he spoke: "Defendant's Counsel, Mr. Snabbing and Mr. Funny." "Please forgive me, my lord, it's a dustpan." "Oh, very well," said the judge, "I'm sorry I never knew the gentleman's name before." Mr. Dustpan bowed and smiled, and the judge bowed and smiled in the same way, and Mr. Dustpan blushed, even his eyes He wanted to pretend he didn't know that everyone's eyes were on him, something that had never been done before, and that, within all reasonable possibilities, could never be done. "Go on," said the Inquisitor. The messengers shouted silence again, and Mr. Shi Jinping started to "open the chatterbox"; but after the box was opened, it seemed that there was not much in it, because he did not let anyone know the details of what he knew, so after about three minutes he sat down Down, let the wisdom of the jury completely stay at the previous stage, and get nothing. Then the barrister rose up to speak with all the dignity required by the solemn nature of such an action, whispered a few words to Dawson, and after a brief confer with Fogg, pulled the robe round his shoulders. , tidying up the wig, and complaining to the jury. The barrister did not know how to open his mouth and said that in the whole process of his professional experience—from the first moment he was engaged in the study and practice of law—he had never encountered a thing that made him feel so deeply. Passionate about the case, or feeling upon himself such a heavy responsibility--a responsibility, so to speak, too heavy for him to bear, if he had not been sustained by a strong conviction which made him completely convinced of the truth. And the case of justice, in other words, of his greatly injured and oppressed client, must convince the twelve noble and wise gentlemen on the jury before him. Lawyers always start like that, because it puts the jurors on good terms with them, and makes them think what smart fellows they must be.A noticeable effect was at once produced; several of the jurors began to take long notes with great zeal. "Gentlemen, you have heard my learned friend say," continued the barrister, knowing that the gentlemen on the jury had heard nothing from the learned friend of whom he was referring— "You have heard my learned friend say, gentlemen, that it is an action for repudiation, for damages of fifteen hundred pounds. But you don't know it, for that is not part of my learned friend's business." That is the facts and circumstances of the case. These, gentlemen, I will tell you in detail, and it will be proved by the blameless woman in the plaintiff's box before you." The barrister didn't know Mr. Fuzhi, and he emphasized the words "plaintiff's bench", loudly slapped the table, and glanced at Dawson and Fogg, who nodded to express their admiration and respect for the barrister. contempt for the accused. "Gentlemen," continued the barrister in a gentle and sad tone, "the plaintiff is a widow; yes, gentlemen, widows. The late Mr. Bardell was one of the guardians of the state endowment." And after being respected and trusted by the sovereign for many years, disappeared from the world almost without a sound, and went elsewhere to find the rest and peace that the tax card could not have." After describing in these pathetic terms Mr. Bardell, who was struck on the head with a one-quart flagon in the Cellar Tavern, the learned barrister's voice paused, and then went on emotionally. Say: "Before he died he had his likeness stamped on a child. Mrs. Bardell took the child--the only son of her dead publican--in pursuit of the retirement and peace of Goswell Street; she There is a poster hanging on the window of the front living room here, which says: 'The house is rented with furniture, single men can come in and see it.'" At this point, the barrister did not know how to pause, and several The jury took the file down. "The document is undated, sir?" asked one of the jurors. "There is no date on it, gentlemen," replied the barrister, "but I have been informed by the plaintiff that it was three years ago. I draw the jury's attention to the wording of the poster—'Single men may enter Behold!' Gentlemen, Mrs. Bardell's opinion of the opposite sex is derived from long observation of the inestimable qualities of her dead husband. She has no fear--she has no scruple--she has no doubt--all Trust.' Mr. Bardell,' said the widow, 'Mr. Bardell is a straight man--Mr. Bardell is a man of his word--Mr. Bardell is not a liar--Mr. Bardell was a single gentleman; Gentleman, I look for protection, for help, for consolation, for consolation—I always see something in single gentlemen that reminds me of how Mr. Bardell was when he first got my youth When love is inexperienced; therefore, my house is let to single gentlemen, 'Moved by this beautiful and touching impulse (one of the best of our imperfect natures, O gentlemen), The lonely and lonely widow wiped away her tears, tidied up the second floor, put her innocent child in the arms of the mother, and then posted a notice on the window of the living room. Was that poster in How long has it been posted there? No. The snake is waiting, the fuse has been installed, the mines are ready, and the sappers are at work. The poster has not been posted in the living room window for three days—three days, gentlemen— There was a two-legged thing, looking like a man, not like a devil, knocking on Mrs. Bardell's door. He 'went in'; he rented the house; and moved in the next day Stay. This man is Pickwick—the defendant Pickwick." The barrister, whose face was flushed by such eloquence, didn't know where he was, and stopped here to catch his breath.The silence roused the judge, Mr. Steiner, and he immediately took up his inkless pen and wrote something with rare dignity, in order to convince the jury that he always thought most deeply when his eyes were closed. .The barrister didn't know Fuzhi and continued. "I don't want to say much about this Pickwick; there's hardly anything in the subject that would excite me; for I am, gentlemen, as you are, of disgusting heartlessness, of calculated evil , are you willing to spend your brains." Mr. Pickwick, who had agonized in silence for some time, jumped up suddenly, as if a vague notion had occurred to him to beat the barrister ignorantly in the hallowed court. a meal.Panka's dissuading gesture stopped him, and he could only listen to the learned gentleman with an indignant countenance, which contrasted sharply with the admiring faces of Mrs. Klepins and Mrs. Sanders. "I say planned evil, gentlemen," said the barrister I don't know, looking right through Mr. Pickwick and talking about him: "When I say planned evil, the defendant Pickwick K. If he's in court today—I'm told he's in court—I'll tell him he's better looking, more decent, better informed and experienced if he stays out. Let me tell you He said, gentlemen, that if he were to make any gestures of dissent and defense at will in court, it would be of no use, would not fool you, and you would know how to evaluate them; let me tell him again , as your honor will tell you, gentlemen, a lawyer, in doing his duty for his client, fears neither intimidation nor threats nor coercion; No matter the first or the last point, the result is that the conspirator will get his own way, whether he is accused or plaintiff, whether he is called Pickwick, or Knox, or Ketox, or Stiles, or Brown. , or Domsun." This slight departure from the subject had the natural effect that all eyes were on Mr. Pickwick.The barrister didn't know Fuzhi, after partially recovering from the high moral state he had driven himself to achieve, he went on to say: "I will tell you, gentlemen, that Pickwick continued to live securely in Mrs. Bardell's house for two years and never left. During all that time Mrs. Bardell served him, looked after him, cooked for him, The shirt was given to the washerwoman and brought back for mending, drying and other preparations for him to wear, in short, during those two years she had his fullest confidence. I will tell you how many times he gave her halfpence to the little boy, and on several occasions even sixpence: I will call upon a witness--whose testimony my friend can never refute or weaken--to prove to you that he once Patted the kid on the head, asked him if he had recently won a boulder or a regular one (I know both are made of marble that the kids in that town cherish), and then said this Noteworthy words - 'Would you like to have another father?' I can also attest, gentlemen, that a year ago Pickwick suddenly began to be away often, and for many days, as if deliberately My client is broken; but I will also tell you that his resolution was not strong enough at that time, or his noble feelings prevailed, if he had noble feelings, or, my client's charm and ability to overcome his unmanly intentions; once, when he returned from the country, he proposed to her clearly and in plain words: but before this, special care was made to prevent their solemnity. There are witnesses to the covenant; and to prove it to you, I may ask you to hear the testimony of three friends of his own—these three most reluctant witnesses—Gentlemen, most reluctant witnesses Oh—the excitement of seeing him hold the plaintiff in his arms that morning, and comfort her with his caresses." This passage of the learned barrister obviously left a deep impression on the audience.He took out two small notes and continued: "Now, then, gentlemen, only a sentence or two. There have been two letters between them, which must have been from the defendant's own hand, and that is a strong proof. These letters also say a lot about the character of the man. They are not above board, Passionate, eloquent letters, words full of sincere love. They are veiled, furtive, secret correspondences, but luckily they are more than those written with the warmest words and the most poetic and adjectives. Much more obvious--these letters can only be read with a careful and suspicious eye--these letters were evidently written by Pickwick at the time, in order to confuse and deceive a third party who might have taken them. Let me Read the first one: 'From Garraway at twelve o'clock. Dear Mrs. Bhab—meat chop and ketchup. Your Pickwick. Gentlemen, what's the meaning? Note] and ketchup. Your Pickwick! Cut meat! My God! And ketchup! Gentlemen, can the happiness of a sensitive and credulous woman be so easily ruined by such a shallow trick? The fact that the second letter was undated is in itself doubtful—'Dear Mrs. Bart—I won't be home until tomorrow. Slow train.' And here comes this very noteworthy sentence—'Don't bother yourself about Mrs. Tang Soup.' Soup! Hey, gentlemen, does anyone bother about Soup? When was the peace of mind of a man or woman ever disturbed or disturbed by Soup? The thing itself is a harmless, useful, And I'd say it's a comfortable household thing, gentlemen! Why should Mrs. Bardell be so zealously told not to get emotional about this soup lady?—unless it was (and undoubtedly was) a mysterious lust. A cover-up for some dear word or promise, written in the manner of Renshaw foretold, and cunningly devised by Pickwick for premeditated desertion; but that is not my thing. and what is implied by the so-called slow train? It seems to me, perhaps, to refer to Pickwick himself, who was undoubtedly a criminal slow train in the whole affair; but his speed now But sped up quite unexpectedly, and his wheels, gentlemen, are his own fault, and will soon be oiled by you!" The barrister did not know where to stop for a moment to see if the jury laughed at his wit; but no one except the greengrocer laughed.His sensitivity to the remark was probably due to the fact that he had just done this morning with a buggy.The learned barrister thought it wiser to vent his sorrow a little before it was over. "But stop, gentlemen," said Mr. Fuchi, the barrister, "it is hard to laugh with a sore heart; it is not good to tell a joke when our deepest sympathies are aroused." ...my client's hopes and prospects were ruined, and, not exaggerating, her career was really ruined. Lease notices are no longer posted - but there are no tenants. Qualified single gentlemen go one by one In the past—there was no invitation to ask them in or out. The whole house was sad and silent; even the little child was silent; he no longer wanted to play with the little child while his mother wept His 'big stone bullets' and 'ordinary marbles' are forgotten; he has forgotten the 'knuckle bullets', 'fingertip bullets', 'single pair please' etc. There's nothing for his hands to do until he shouts. And Pickwick, gentlemen, this ruthless destroyer of a domestic oasis in the desert of Goswell Street, this Pickwick who has blocked the springs and dusted the lawn K. This Pickwick who came to you today with his heartless ketchup and gravy—still with his unashamed impudence holding his head up and looking at all he had done without saying a word disaster. Reparation for damages, gentlemen—a heavy payment is the only punishment you can give him; and the only restitution you can give my client. For which she is now paying Civilized countrymen—understanding. Noble, upright, conscientious, sympathetic, calmly observing jurors appeal." Having made this sound conclusion, Mr. Fuchi, the barrister, sat down, and Mr. Mr. Judge Steiner also woke up. "By Elisabeth Klepins," said the barrister, rising up after a moment with renewed vigor. The name of the nearest herald was Elizabeth Turpins; the one farther away was Elizabeth Gipkins; Yelling at Elizabeth Murfins until she was hoarse. Meanwhile Mrs. Clappins, assisted by Mrs. Bardell, Mrs. Sanders, Mr. Dawson, and Mr. Fogg, took the witness stand; Holding a handkerchief and a wooden box in one hand, and a glass bottle that can hold about a quarter pint of smelling salts in the other, standing on the bottom level in case of any accidents.Mrs. Sanders, with her eyes fixed on the judge's face, stood beside her, her big umbrella in her hand, her right thumb resting on the spring, with an air of eagerness that seemed to indicate that she was quite ready, as soon as she got Notification can open the umbrella immediately. "Mrs. Clappins," said the barrister, "please don't be distressed, ma'am." Of course, Mrs. Clappins wept even more at these comforting words, and she showed that All sorts of astonishing forms of fainting, or, as she herself put it later, symptoms of an unbearably rich emotion. "Do you remember, Mrs. Clappins?" said the barrister, after asking a question or two of unimportant importance, "do you remember, one morning last July, when you were in Paris? Mrs. Dale's back room, when she was dusting Pickwick's room?" "Yes, Your Honor, I remember," replied Mrs. Klepins. "Mr. Pickwick's sitting-room is the front room on the second floor, isn't it?" "Yes, sir," replied Mrs. Klepins. "What are you doing in the back room, ma'am?" asked the little judge. "Your Honor," said Mrs. Klepins, with moving excitement, "I kid you not." "You'd better not lie to me, ma'am," said the little judge. "I kid you not," continued Mrs. Clappins, "Mrs. Bardell doesn't know; I've gone down the street with a little blue, gentlemen, for three pounds of red potatoes, and three pounds is Twopence and a half, when I saw Mrs Bardell's door ajar." "What is it like?" cried the little judge. "Partly open, my lord," said Lord Snabbin. "She said it was ajar," said the short judge, with a sly wink. "It's pretty much the same, my lord," said Mr. Snabbin, and the little judge expressed his doubts and said he would write it down and study it.Mrs. Klepins went on: "I just went in, gentlemen, to say hello to her, and went upstairs in a non-obtrusive manner, into the back room. Gentlemen, there were voices in the front building, and I—" "You overheard, I suppose, Mrs. Klepins?" said the barrister. "I'm sorry, sir," said Mrs. Crepins, with dignity, "I never do such things. It's very loud, sir, and they forced themselves into my ears." "Well, Mrs. Clappins, you didn't listen, but you heard voices. Was there Pickwick's voice in there?" "Yes, sir." Mrs. Clappins then stated clearly that it was Mr. Pickwick who was proposing to Mrs. Bardell, and then, with the aid of many inquiries, slowly repeated the conversation which the reader has long since Clear. The jurors looked skeptical, and Mr. Bufuzhi, the barrister, smiled and sat down.Mr. Snabbing stated that he did not wish to cross-examine the witnesses, as Mr. Pickwick wished to make it clear that it was appropriate for her to say that, and that what she said was essentially correct.At this moment both the jurors and Mr. Ikfuchi felt extremely embarrassed. Mrs. Clappins, having broken her silence, thought it a good occasion to dabble a little in her domestic affairs; so she at once frankly reported to the court that she was now the mother of eight children, and that she was holding a large Hopefully, a ninth child will be born to Mr Klepins in about six months.As soon as this interesting point was mentioned, the short judge very violently stopped him. As a result, the venerable lady and Mrs. Sanders were politely invited out of the courtroom under the escort of Mr. Jackson without compromise. room to spare. "That's Neil Winkle!" said Mr. Schipping. "Here!" A faint voice answered.Mr. Winkle entered the witness box, took his oath, and bowed to the judge with great respect. "Don't look at me, sir," said the Judge sharply, in return for this salute: "Look at the jury." Mr. Winkle obediently looked where he thought most likely to be the jury; for in the state of his confusion he could not have seen anything at all. So Mr. Shi Jinping cross-examined Mr. Winkel.Shi Jinping was a young man of forty-two or three-year-old with a bright future. For such a witness who was known to be partial to the other side, of course he wanted to embarrass him. "Well, sir," said Mr. Schipping, "will you please let your honor and the jury know your name?" and Mr. Schipping listened sharply to Mr. Winkle's reply with his head on one side, while He glanced at the jurors as if he expected some false name from Mr. Winkle's perjurer's instincts. "Winkel," replied the witness. "What's your Christian name, sir?" asked the little judge angrily. "Niell, sir." "Daniel—is there no other name?" "Niell, sir—no, my lord." "Where's Nathaniel Daniel, or Daniel Nashenir?" "No, my lord, it's just the raw Daniel—no Daniel at all." "Then why did you tell me it was Daniel, sir?" asked the judge. "I didn't say, my lord," replied Mr. Winkle. "You did, sir," replied the judge, frowning severely. "If you hadn't told me, how could I have written Daniel in the book, sir?" This argument is of course irrefutable. “文克尔先生的记性不大好，我的大人，”史金平先生插嘴说，又向陪审官们看了一眼。“我敢说，我们要想办法恢复他的记性才能跟他说得下去哪。” “你还是小心点好，先生，”矮法官说，对证人恶狠狠地瞪一眼。 可怜的文克尔先生鞠了躬，努力装出轻松的神态，但在那种惶惑的心情之下，那样子反而叫他像个狼狈的小偷。 “那么，文克尔先生，”史金平先生说，“请你听我说，先生；让我奉劝你一句，为了你自己的好处，记住法官大人让你小心的训诫吧。我想你是被告匹克威克的一个知己，是不是？” “我认识匹克威克先生，据我现在这时候所能想起的，差不多——” “对不起，文克尔先生，不要逃避我的问题。你是不是被告的一个知己？” “我正要说——” “你想不想回答我的问话呀，先生？” “你要是不回答问话，你将要被押起来了，先生。”矮法官说。 “说吧，先生，”史金平先生说，“是或者不是，随你的便。” “是的。”文克尔先生说。 “唔，是的。那你为什么不马上说出来呢，先生？也许你也认识原告吧——呃，文克尔先生？” “我不认识她；我见过她。” “啊，你不认识她，但是你见过她？那末，请你把你这句话的意思解释给陪审席上的绅士们吧，文克尔先生。” “我的意思是说我和她不熟，但是我到高斯维尔街去看匹克威克先生的时候见过她。” “你见过她几次呀，先生？” “几次？” “是呀，文克尔先生，几次？我可以把这句话重复十来次，要是你需要的话，先生。”这位饱学的绅士学了这话，坚定不移地皱一皱眉，双手插腰，怀疑地向陪审席上微微一笑。 于是就来了那一套富有启发性的“用疾言厉色来威吓的办法”，那是这种事情上常有的。一开始，文克尔先生说，要他说见过巴德尔太太几次，是完全不可能的。于是史金平先生就问他，他看见巴德尔太太有没有二十次，他就回答说：“当然有，——还不止二十次。”随后又问他，他看见她有没有一百次——他能不能发誓说见过她不止五十次——他是否确定说见过她不止七十五次，等等；最后所得到的满意的结果就是他还是小心点好，不要忘记他是在干什么。证人就被他们用这样方法搞得陷入那种必需的心神混乱的状态中，盘问就继续如下： “请问，文克尔先生，你是否记得在去年七月里，有一天早上你到高斯维尔街的原告家里去看被告匹克威克吗？” "yes, I remember." “那一次同你一起去的朋友，有一个叫特普曼，另外一个叫史拿格拉斯？” "yes." “他们在这里吗？” “是的，”文克尔先生答，非常急切地向他的朋友们所在的地方看着。 “请你注意听我的话，文克尔先生，不要看你的朋友们，史金平先生说，又向陪审官们富于表情地看看。“他们必须事先不和你商量就供他们的证词，要是你们还没有商量过（又对陪审席上看一眼）。喂，先生，把你那天早上走进被告房里的时候所看见的景像告诉陪审官们吧。来吧，说出来，先生；我们早晚会听到的。 " “被告匹克威克先生正抱着原告，两只手搂着她的腰，”文克尔先生答，带着自然而然的迟疑神情，“原告似乎昏厥了的样子。” “你听见被告说了些什么没有？” “我听见他说巴德尔太太好人，我听见他要她平静一点，因为要是有人来了那成什么样子，要不就是这种意思的别的说法。” “现在，文克尔先生，我只有一个问题要你回答了，并且我请你记住法官大人的警告。你能否宣誓说被告匹克威克当时并没有说'我的亲爱的巴德尔太太，你是个好人；平静一点，因为你是免不了成为这个样子的，'或者是这种意思的别的说法，你可以吗？” “我——我并没有认为他的话是这种意思，当然了，”文克尔先生说，听见人家把他听到的字眼这样巧妙地结合在一起感到惊异。“我是在楼梯口，不是听得很清楚；我脑子里的印象是” “陪审席上的绅士们并不是要你脑子里的什么印象，文克尔先生，那种东西恐怕对于诚实的正人君子是没有什么用处的，史金平先生插嘴说。“你是在楼梯口，没有听清楚；但是你不能宣誓说匹克威克没有说过我所引述的那些话吧。我没有弄错你的意思吧？ "" “是的，我不能宣誓，”文克尔先生答；于是史金平先生带着胜利的神色坐下去了。 匹克威克先生的案子还没有进行到那么顺利的地步，以至于没有任何怀疑的余地。但是它却未尝不可以让人放在比较有利些的地位，假如还可能的话；因此畚箕先生起身说话，他想用反洁从文克尔先生那里问出一些重要的东西。到底他问出来没有，读者一会儿可以知道。 “我相信，文克尔先生，”畚箕先生说，“匹克威克先生不是一个青年人了？” “是的，”文克尔先生答：“老得可以做我的父亲了。” “你对我的饱学的朋友谈论过，你认识匹克威克先生已经很长时间了。你有没有任何理由设想或者相信他是想结婚的？” “啊，没有；确实没有；”文克尔先生回答得那样急切，畚箕先生本来应该尽可能赶快使他走出证人席的。法律家们说有两种证人是非常坏的，一种是不情愿作证的证人，一种是太情愿作证的证人；文克尔先生注定了兼演这两种角色。 “我还要再问一问你，文克尔先生，”畚箕先生用一种最温和、最恳切的态度继续说。“你是否以前看见过匹克威克先生对异性的态度和行为里面有任何东西使你相信他在近几年曾经想过结婚生活呢？” “啊，没有；确实没有，”文克尔先生答。 “他对于女性的行为，是不是像一个年纪过了半百、满足于自己的事业和乐趣的人的态度，只是像父亲对女儿一样对待她们？” “毫无疑问，”文克尔先生答，全心全意地。“那——是的——是的呵——的确。” 据你所了解的，他对巴德尔太太或者任何其他妇女的行为，决没有任何可疑的地方吧？畚箕先生说，打算坐下去了；因为史纳宾律师已经对他霎眼睛了。 “唔——唔——没有，”文克尔先生答，“除了一件小事，那件事情呢，我完全相信是非常容易解释开的。” 假使不幸的畚箕先生在史纳宾大律师对他霎眼的时候就坐下来，或者假如不知弗知大律师在开头就阻止了这不正当的反洁（他知道不必如此，因为看到文克尔先生的焦急，他知道可能引出一些对他有用处的东西的），那么，就不至于引出这段不幸的供词了。文克尔先生的话一说完，畚箕先生坐下来，史纳宾大律师就连忙叫文克尔先生退出证人席，他对于这一点是打算欣然照办的，这时不知弗知大律师阻止了他。 “慢着，文克尔先生——等一下！”不知弗知大律师说：“请法官大人问一问他好吗——那位年龄大得足以做他父亲的绅士对于女性的行为上的这一个可疑的事例是什么？” “你听清楚那位饱学的律师说的话了，先生，”法官对可怜的和痛苦不堪的文克尔先生说。“把你所提到的那件事情讲出来。” “我的大人，”文克尔先生说，急得发抖，“我——我不讲。” “可能是吧，”矮法官说：“但是你必须说。” 在整个法庭的深沉的静默中，文克尔先生吞吞吐吐地说出了那可疑的小事是发现匹克威克先生半夜里在一位女士的卧室里；结果，他相信，那位女士的筹划好的婚姻破裂了，并且，据他了解的，他们全体都被强迫带到伊普斯威契市镇的行政官和治安官乔治·纳普金斯老爷面前。 “你可以下去了，先生，”史纳宾大律师说。文克尔先生离开了证人席，用精神错乱的速度冲到乔治和兀鹰去，几个小时之后，茶房发现他在房里大声而悲惨地叫着，把头藏在沙发垫子下面。 屈来西·特普曼，和奥古斯多斯·史拿格拉斯，也一个个叫进了证人席；他们两个都证实了他们的不幸的朋友的证词；也都被过度的窘困弄得差点死去活来。 跟着叫了苏珊娜·山得斯上来，由大律师不知弗知问话，大律师史纳宾反洁；她总是说，并且总是相信，匹克威克要娶巴德尔太太；她清楚，自从七月里的昏厥发生之后，巴德尔太太和匹克威克订了婚的事成了邻居们谈话里面的流行题目；她自己是听轧布机铺子的墨蓓雷太太和上浆的彭金太太说的，但是没有看见这两位到庭。听见过匹克威克问小孩子想不想有另外一个父亲。并不知道巴德尔太太在那时候和面包师傅很亲热，但是知道面包师傅以前是独身汉而现在结了婚。虽然不能宣誓说巴德尔太太并不很欢喜面包师傅，但是可以说面包师傅并不很欢喜巴德尔太太，不然他不会娶别人的。可认为巴德尔太太在七月那一天早上的昏厥是因为匹克威克叫她选一个日子；当山得斯先生叫她（证人自己）选日子的时候她就是晕过去的，硬得像石头一样；而她认为每一个自命为有教养的妇女遇到这种情形都会差不多的。听见过匹克威克问小孩子关于弹子的问题，但是她可以发誓说她不清楚大石弹和普通石弹有什么分别。 附带陈述。——当她与山得斯先生交往的期间，也收到过情书，就像其他女士们一样。在通讯中间，山得斯先生经常叫她“母鸭”，但是从来没有叫过“斩肉”或者“番茄酱”。他是特别喜欢母鸭的。如果他也那么喜欢斩肉和番茄酱，或许他会这样叫她，作为亲爱的称呼的。 现在，大律师不知弗知带着比在这之前所表现的更庄严的神情——如果那是可能的话——立起来大声叫喊说，“叫塞缪尔·维勒。” 其实根本不用叫塞缪尔·维勒的，因为刚一说塞缪尔·维勒的名字，他就轻快地走上证人席了；他将帽子放在地板上，手臂扶在栏杆上，用非常高兴和快活的态度对律师席鸟瞰一下，对审判席概观一番。 “你的名字，先生”法官问。 “山姆·维勒，大人，”那位绅士答。 “你的第一个字母是W还是V？”当官问。 “那就要看写的人的嗜好和兴趣了，大人，”山姆答，“我这辈子只有过一两次写它的机会，但是我写的是V字。” 这时候走廊里有一个声音大叫起来，“很对呵，塞缪尔；很对。写V字，大人，写V字。” “是谁，敢在法庭上这样说话？”矮法官说，抬起头来，“傅达官。” "Yes, my lord." “立刻把那人带上来。” "Yes, my lord." 因为傅达官找不到那个人，所以没有把他带上来；经过一场大骚扰之后，站起来找寻犯人的人又都坐下了。矮法官等到怒气消得能够说出话来的时候就问证人说： “你清楚那人是谁吗，先生？” “我想可能是我的父亲，大人，”山姆回答说。 “你看见他现在还在这里吗？”法官说。 “他不在了，大人，”山姆答，死死盯着法庭的天花板上的灯。 “如果你能够指出他来，我就马上把他押起来了，”审判官说。 山姆鞠躬表示领教，于是带着毫无逊色的高兴的面孔转身对着大律师不知弗知。 “好的，维勒先生，”大律师不知弗知说。 “好的，先生，”山姆答。 “我想你是替这件案子的被告匹克威克先生工作的吧。请说吧，维勒先生。” “是的，先生，”山姆答，“我是替那位绅士工作的，事情还不错呢。” “做的少，得的多，没错吧？”不知弗知大律师说，带着诙谐的口吻。 “啊，得到的可真不少，先生；就像人家命令打那兵士三百五十鞭子的时候他所说的罗，”山姆答。 “你可别告诉我们那个兵士或者别的什么人说过些什么，先生，”法官插嘴说，“这不能算证据。” “好的，大人，”山姆答。 “你记得被告雇用你的第一天早上发生了什么特别的事情没有，维勒先生？”大律师不知弗知说。 “是的，我没有忘，先生，”山姆答。 “请你把那事情讲给陪审官吧。” “陪审席的绅士们，我那天早上得到一套全新的衣服，”山姆说，“对于那时候的我来说，那是一件很特别很不平常的事情罗。” 这话让大家都笑了起来，矮法官从公事桌上抬起脸来生气地看着他说，“你还是注意点好，先生。” “匹克威克先生那时候也是这么说的，大人，”山姆答，“而我对那套衣服很小心呵；非常小心，真的，大人。” 法官严厉地看着山姆，足足有两分钟的时间，但是山姆的脸上是如此的镇静和泰然，所以法官没有说什么，示意大律师不知弗知继续说下去。 “你的意思是说，维勒先生，”大律师不知弗知说，装腔作势地叠起手臂，而且转身半向着陪审席，好像默默地保证他就要叫证人受窘了——“你的意思是说，维勒先生，别的证人们所说的原告昏倒在被告的怀里的事你根本都没有看见吗？” “是的，”山姆答，“我是在过道里，等他们叫我上去的时候，那个老太婆已经不在那里了。” “请注意，维勒先生，”大律师不知弗知说，把一支大笔插进面前的墨水缸里，用要把他的话记录下来的表示来威吓山姆。“你在过道里，但是却看不见在进行什么事情。你有眼睛吗，维勒先生？” “当然有，”山姆答，“问题就出在这里啊。如果它们是两只上等的二百万倍的扩大力特别大的气体显微镜，或许我可以看穿一段楼梯和一扇枞木门；不过它们只是你所看见的这两只眼睛，所以我的眼界是有限的。” 这个答复说得一点火气都没有，态度极其单纯和平静，旁听者听了都吃吃笑了，矮法官也不禁微笑，而大律师不知弗知却表现出非常愚蠢的样子。与道孙和福格略作商议之后，这位饱学的大律师又拚命隐藏着自己的烦恼对山姆说，“那末，维勒先生，如果你高兴，我要问你一个关于另外一件事的问题。” “如果你高兴，先生，”山姆答道，怀着极大的愉快。 “你记得去年十一月有一天晚上，你到巴德尔太太家去的事吗？” “呵，是的，记得。” “啊，你没有忘记，维勒先生，”大律师不知弗知说，精神恢复起来，“我想我们终于会找出一些东西了。” “我也是这样想呢，先生，”山姆答；听了这话，旁听者们又吃吃地笑了。 “唔，我想你是去谈一谈关于这件诉讼的事吧——呃，维勒先生？”大律师不知弗知说，以为得计地对陪审席上望一望。 “我是去付房租的；但是我们谈了一下关于诉讼的事的，山姆答。” “啊，你们是谈了一下诉讼的事，”大律师不知弗知说，由于预感到会有某种重要的发现而高兴起来。“那末关于诉讼你们谈了些什么呢，请你告诉大家可以吗，维勒先生？” “好的，先生，”山姆答。“今天在这里被盘问过的两位好德性的太太先说了些无关紧要的话之后，太太们就对道孙和福格先生的可敬的行为大大地称赞起来——他们就是现在坐在你附近的两位绅士。”这话当然把大家的注意都引向了道孙和福格，他们就尽量做出有德性的样子。 “他们是原告的代理人，”大律师不知弗知说，“那么，他们大大地称赞了一番原告的代理人道孙和福格两位先生的可敬的行为，是吗？” “是呀，”山姆说，“她们说他们是多么慷慨，办这案子是投机，一点费用都不用，除非从匹克威克先生身上弄出钱来。” 听见这个非常意外的答话，旁听者们又吃吃地笑了起来，道孙和福格呢，脸上通红，倾身凑近大律师不知弗知的耳朵匆促地低声说了几句话。 “是的，”大律师不知弗知说，带着假装的镇静神情。“那是完全没有用的了，大人，要想从这个无药可救的愚笨证人的身上获得任何证据是根本不可能的。我不再问他任何问题来麻烦法庭了。你可以下去了，先生。” “有没有别的哪位绅士愿意来问问我呀？”山姆问，拿起了帽子，极其逍遥自在地看看周围。 “没有，维勒先生，谢谢你，”史纳宾大律师，笑着说。 “你可以下去了，先生，”不知弗知大律师说，不耐烦的挥着手。于是山姆下了证人席；他已经给了道孙和福格两位先生他所能给予的最大的伤害，而尽可能少说到匹克威克，这正好达到他心里的目的。 “我不妨肯定这一点，大人，”史纳宾大律师说，“如果可以免掉再讯问一个证人的话，我不妨确定匹克威克先生已经退休了，而且他是一位有一大笔独立财产的绅士。” “很好，”不知弗知大律师说，交出两封要宣读的信。“那么我同样是，大人。” 随后，史纳宾大律师就向陪审官们发言，替被告辩护；他发表一篇非常长、非常有力的演说，演说中对匹克威克先生的行为和性格用尽最大赞美的颂辞；不过，我们的读者们远比他能够对那位绅士的真正价值作出更正确得多的估计，所以我们觉得没有详细记载这位饱学的绅士任何言辞的必要了。他企图说明对方所发表的两封信不过是和匹克威克先生的饭食、或是为了他从乡间旅行回来准备房间等事有关罢了。他为了匹克威克先生，用平常的说法来说，已经尽了最大的努力，这么说也就够了；而尽了最大的努力呢，大家都知道的，照这句老话的意思来说，也就是说已经没有办法了。 法官史太勒先生按照早就确定了的成规和最妥善的形式作总结了。对于这么短的一篇告示他尽量加以阐述，把他的简短的摘录念给陪审官们听，一面读一面随时把一些证据加以解释。如果巴德尔太太是对的，那显而易见匹克威克先生是不对的。假使他们认为克勒平斯太太的证辞值得信赖，那末他们就相信它，而如果他们不这么认为，那末就不相信。如果他们确信那是毁弃婚约的犯罪行为，那末他们就替原告要求一笔他们认为合理的赔偿金；而如果，相反的，他们觉得并没有婚约的存在，那末他们就根本不要替原告要求任何赔偿金。陪审官们于是退席，到他们的私室里商议这件事，审判官也回到他的私室里，用一盘羊排和一杯白葡萄酒提提精神。 使人焦急的一刻钟终于过去了；陪审官们回来了，审判官也回来了。匹克威克先生带上眼镜，带着一副兴奋的脸色和怀着一颗急促跳着的心凝视陪审长。 “绅士们，”那位穿黑衣服的人物说。“你们决定了你们的裁决吗？” “我们商议好了，”陪审长回答。 “你们是支持原告呢，绅士们，还是被告？” “原告。” “需要怎样的赔偿，绅士们？” “七百五十镑。” 匹克威克先生拿下眼镜，小心翼翼地擦擦玻璃，折起来收进盒子，把眼镜盒放进口袋；一面极其细心地带好手套，一面一直凝视着陪审长，然后就机械地跟着潘卡先生和蓝色文件袋走出了法庭。 他们在一间厢屋那里停了下来，潘卡去付开庭费；匹克威克先生在这里和他的朋友们会齐了。他在这里还碰上了道孙和福格两位，他们得意地挂着手，露出满意的样子。 “喂，绅士们，”匹克威克先生说。 “喂，先生，”道孙说：替自己也是替他的伙伴作答。 “你们认为可以弄到你们的办事费了，是不是，绅士们？”匹克威克先生说。 福格说他们认为那并不是不可能的；道孙微微一笑，说他们要试试看。 “你们试试看，试试看，试试看吧，道孙和福格两位先生，”匹克威克先生激烈地说，“但是你们别想从我这里弄到一个铜板的费用或者赔偿，纵使我把以后的时间都消耗在债务人监狱里。” “哈，哈！”道孙大笑。“下次开庭之前，你完全可以好好想一想，匹克威克先生。” “嘻，嘻，嘻！我们过不了多长时间就会看到的，匹克威克先生，”福格露牙咧嘴地笑着说。 匹克威克先生气得话都说不出来，被他的律师和朋友们拉到了门口，被他们扶上一辆出租马车，那是那位永远警惕着的山姆·维勒预先叫好了的。 山姆收好踏板，正要跳上御者座，突然觉得肩膀上被人轻轻地一拍；回头一看，他的父亲正站在他的面前。老绅士的脸上带着悲伤的表情，严厉地摇着头，用训诫的声调说： “我知道像这样的办事方法会得到什么结果的嘛。啊，山姆，山姆，为什么不找一个不在场的证明！”