Chapter 17 part three

Raskolnikov got up and sat down on the sofa. Razumihin was eloquently consoling his mother and sister, and what he said was incongruous but passionate; Raskolnikov waved Razumihin feebly at him to stop talking, and He took the hands of his mother and sister, looked at this for a while, looked at that for a while, and remained silent for two minutes.His gaze frightened the mother.His gaze reveals a feeling that is intense to the point of pain, but at the same time his expression is dull, even almost crazy.Pulcheria Alexandrovna wept. Avdotya Romanovna was pale; her hand trembled in her brother's.

"Go back, . . . and go with him," he said in a broken voice, pointing to Razumihin. "To-morrow, tomorrow, everything . . . have you come already?" "In the evening, Rodya," answered Pulcheria Alexandrovna, "the train is late, a long time late. But, Rodya, I will not leave you just now. I will stay here for the night." , guarding you by the side..." "Stop torturing me!" he said, waving his hands angrily. "I'll stay with him!" Razumihin said loudly. "I won't leave him for a minute. To hell with my people, let them be angry! My uncle has all the power over there. "

"How can I thank you!" said Pulcheria Alexandrovna, squeezing Razumihin's hand again, but Raskolnikov interrupted her again. : "I can't stand it, I can't stand it," he repeated angrily, "please don't torture me! That's enough, go away... I can't stand it! . . . " "Let's go, mother, if only for a moment," whispered Dounia, terrified. "We're giving him pain, you can see that." "I haven't seen him for three years, can't I have a good look at him!" Pulcheria Alexandrovna cried. "Wait a minute!" he called to them again. "You keep interrupting me, and my thoughts are confused... Have you seen Luzhin?"

"No, Rodya, but he already knew we were coming. We have heard that Pyotr Petrovitch is so kind-hearted that he came to see you today," Pulcheria Alexandrovna added timidly. Say. "Yes... he has such a good heart... Dounia, I told Luzhin not long ago that I was going to drive him downstairs, I drove him away..." "Rodya, what's the matter with you! You, probably . Avdotya Romanovna gazed intently at her brother, waiting for him to continue.They had already heard about the quarrel beforehand from Nastasya, who told them as much as she could understand, and they were bewildered and distressed, waiting for him. go on.

"Dunya," continued Raskolnikov, trying to control himself, "I don't approve of this marriage, so you must refuse Luzhin as soon as you open your mouth tomorrow, and tell him not to come again." "My God!" cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna. "Brother, think about it, what are you talking about!" Avdotya Romanovna began angrily, but immediately restrained herself. "Maybe you're not well right now, you're tired," she said curtly. "Am I talking nonsense? No... You married Luzhin for my sake. But I don't accept your sacrifice. So, before tomorrow, you write... Reject him... Let me see in the morning , this matter is over!"

"I can't do that!" cried the wronged girl. "What power do you have..." "Dunechka, you're too impatient, don't talk about it, tomorrow... don't you see..." Mother was stunned, and hurriedly said to Dounia. "Well, we'd better go!" "He's talking nonsense!" cried the slightly drunk Razumihin, "how else would he dare! To-morrow he'll be wiser... But today he really drove him away. That's how it is. Well, that one's pissed off too...He's talking here, showing off his knowledge, but he's leaving with his tail between his legs..."

"Then it is true?" cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna. "See you tomorrow, brother," said Dounia sympathetically, "let us go, mother... Good-bye, Rodya!" "Do you hear, sister," he repeated with the last of his strength, looking after them, "I am not talking nonsense; it is shameful to be married. Even if I am a mean person, I will not put Such a younger sister is regarded as a younger sister. Either I or Luzhin! You go away..." "Are you crazy! Domineering fellow!" Razumihin yelled, but Raskolnikov no longer answered, though perhaps because he had no strength to answer.He lay down on the sofa and turned his face wearily to face the wall.Avdotya Romanovna looked at Razumihin curiously, her dark eyes sparkled: Razumihin even shuddered under this gaze.Pulcheria Alexandrovna stood motionless, as if startled.

"I can't go anyway!" she whispered to Razumihin, almost in despair. "I'll stay here, anywhere . . . Please see Dunya off." "You're going to screw things up!" Razumihin also whispered, losing control. "Let's go, at least to the stairs. Nastasya, shine a light! I swear to you, ’ he went on, already on the stairs, in a low voice, ‘he almost beat me and the doctor a while ago! Do you understand what that means? Beat the doctor! I left, I stayed and watched downstairs, but he immediately put on his clothes and slipped out. If he was provoked, he would still slip out now, slipping out at night, I don’t know what he would do..."

"Oh, what are you talking about!" "Besides, if you don't go back, Avdotya Romanovna can't live alone in the hotel! Please imagine what kind of place you are living in! And Pyotr Petrovich, Couldn't you get you a better place, you rascal... but, you know, I'm a little drunk, so... said abusive things; please don't mind..." "But I'll go and find the landlady," insisted Pulcheria Alexandrovna, "and I beg her, I beg her to find me some place where Dunya and I can spend the night. I can't." I can't leave him alone like this!"

They said this standing on the landing, right in front of the landlady's door.Nastasya lighted them from the lower step of the stairs.Razumihin was very excited.Half an hour before, when he had taken Raskolnikov home, he had talked too much nonsense, and he knew it, but his spirits were full and his head was almost clear, although that night He drank a surprising amount.He even seemed to be in a very happy mood now, and at the same time the wine he had drunk seemed to rush into his head with redoubled force.He stood with the two women, took both of them by the hand, persuaded them, gave them reasons with astonishing candor, presumably to make them more convincing, and in almost every sentence he said she They clenched their hands even tighter, as if in a vise, and stared greedily at Avdotya Romanovna, without seeming to notice Excuse me.Sometimes they were so painful that they wanted to pull their hands out of his big bony hands, but not only did he not realize what was going on, but he pulled their hands towards him even harder.If they had told him now to rush down the stairs headfirst for their own benefit, he would have carried out their orders without thinking or hesitating.Pulcheria Alexandrovna was anxiously thinking of her Rodya, and although she felt that the young man was queer and was squeezing her hand too painfully, because she looked at him at the same time. I'm a god, so I don't want to pay attention to these weird little details.However, although Avdotya Romanovna was also worried about her brother, and although she was not timid in character, she was surprised at seeing the strange light in the eyes of her brother's friend, and even She was frightened, but because of what Nastasya said about this strange man, she had infinite trust in him, so she didn't try to run away from him, and pulled her mother along with her. run away.She also understood that it seemed that they could not escape him now.After ten minutes, however, she was quite relieved: Razumihin had a characteristic of expressing his true feelings quickly and completely, no matter what his mood was, so that after a while people would understand that he was with him. What a kind of person to deal with.

"You can't go to the landlady, that's the most absurd idea!" he shouted, trying to convince Pulcheria Alexandrovna. "Although you are a mother, if you stay, you will drive him crazy, and then you don't know what will happen! Listen to me, I think it will be done this way: let Nasta Thea sits with him, and I send you back, because you can't walk the streets by yourself without a companion, in our Petersburg, for that... well, forget it!... And then I immediately leave If you run back here, after a quarter of an hour, I guarantee my personality, and I will send you news: how is he doing? Did he sleep, or did he not sleep? And other things. Then, listen to me! Then from Run home quickly from your place—I have guests there, all drunk—go and call Zossimov—this is the doctor who treated him, and now he is in my house, he is not drunk; this man Don't drink, never get drunk! I dragged him to Rodka, and then I came to you at once, that is to say, you can get news about him twice in an hour--and from the doctor. The news, do you understand, is from the doctor himself; it's not just me! If it's bad, I swear, I'll bring you here myself, and if it's good, then You can sleep now. I slept here all night, in the hall, out of his hearing, and I let Zossimov sleep with the landlady, so that he could be found at any time. You see, for him now, Who is best to keep him, you or the doctor? The doctor is more useful, more useful, isn't it. Well, then, please go back! You can't go to the landlady; I can go, but you can't: she doesn't I'll let you go... because she's stupid. She'll be jealous of Avdotya Romanovna for me, and she'll be jealous of you too, you know... But for Avdotya Romanovna, She's bound to be jealous. Totally, totally incomprehensible woman! But I'm also a fool...it's nothing! Let's go! Do you believe me? Well, do you believe me, or don't you believe me ?” "Let's go, mother," said Avdotya Romanovna, "he has promised and will do it. He has already saved his brother's life, and if the doctor really agrees to stay here at night Isn't it better?" "Look, you...you...understand me, because you are an angel!" Razumikhin exclaimed ecstatically. "Come on, Nastasya! Go up-stairs at once and sit beside him with a lamp; I'll be there in a quarter of an hour..." Pulcheria Alexandrovna, though not completely convinced, did not object again.Razumihin took them both by the hand and led them downstairs.But he still made her worry: "Although he is very clever and kind-hearted, can he do what he promised? He is a little drunk, isn't he..." "I understand, you're thinking, I'm drunk!" Razumihin guessed her thoughts, interrupted her, and at the same time walked down the sidewalk with such strides that the two women could barely keep up with her. on him, but he didn't notice. "Nothing! In other words... I'm drunk like a fool, but that's not the problem. I'm drunk, not because of drinking alcohol. Instead, when I see you, I feel like I'm drunk ...Don't pay attention to me! Please don't mind: I'm talking nonsense, I don't deserve you...I don't deserve you at all!...As soon as I send you back, here I am, in the river, in the river Pour two buckets of cold water over your head and you'll come to your senses... I wish you knew how much I love you two!... Please don't laugh at me and don't be angry!... You can be angry with anyone but don't Angry at me! I'm his friend, so I'm your friend. I hope so... I've had a hunch... Last year, there was a moment like this... But not a hunch at all, because you seem to have fallen from the sky. And I probably won't be able to sleep all night... This Zosimov was worried that he would go crazy not long ago...so I shouldn't make him angry..." "What are you talking about!" cried the mother. "Did the doctor say that?" asked Avdotya Romanovna, startled. "I said it, but that's not the case, it's not the case at all. He gave him such a medicine, a powder, I saw it, and now you're here... Oh!... You'll be here tomorrow Just come again! We're gone, that's good. In another hour, Zossimov will report everything to you himself. He's not a drunk man! I'm not drunk anymore... Why am I so drunk So drunk? Because they dragged me into an argument, the damned ones! I've sworn off the argument! . . . They're talking nonsense! Almost didn't fight! I left my uncle there, Entertaining them... Well, can you believe it: they demand a complete lack of personality, and they find great pleasure in it! It would be nice if you were not yourself, if you were as unlike yourself as possible! That, they think, is the greatest progress. It would be all right if they were talking nonsense according to their own ideas, but..." "Listen to me," Pulcheria Alexandrovna interrupted timidly, but this only aroused his enthusiasm still more. "What do you think?" cried Razumihin, raising his voice even higher. "Do you think I'm angry with them for their nonsense? No! I like people to talk nonsense! The only privilege human beings have. By bullshitting, one can get truth! I bullshit, so I'm human. You don't get a truth without first bullshitting fourteen times, perhaps, a hundred and fourteen times, from In a way, that's respectable too; alas, but we can't even do original nonsense! You'll talk nonsense with me, but be original, come up with your own, and I'll kiss you. Original Bullshit, you know, it's almost better than just repeating someone else's truth; in the first case, you're a human, and in the second, you're nothing more than a parrot! Truth can't run away, but it can Bring life to a standstill; there have been examples of that. Well, what about us now? In science, literacy, thinking, invention, ideas, aspirations, liberalism, reason, experience, and everything, everything, everything, everything , in all fields, without exception, we are all in the first year of preparatory high school! We like to live on the wisdom of others--we are used to it! Is it so? Am I right?" Razumi Xin yelled loudly, clasping and shaking the hands of the two ladies as she spoke, "Is that so?" "Oh, my God, I don't know," said poor Pulcheria Alexandrovna. "That's right, that's right . . . though I don't quite agree with you," Avdotya Romanovna added solemnly, and immediately cried out, because this time he It hurt so much to hold her hand. "Is it so? You say, is it so? Then after this, you...you..." he cried ecstatically, "you are the source of goodness, purity, reason and... perfection! Please put Give me your hand, please... give me your hand too, I want to kiss your hand, right here, now, kneel down and kiss your hand!" So he knelt down in the middle of the sidewalk, but fortunately there was no one on the sidewalk at this time. "Come on, I beg you, what are you doing?" cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna, completely bewildered. "Get up, please, please!" laughed Dounia, who too was alarmed. "If you don't give me your hands, I won't get up anyway! Yes, that's it, that's enough, I'm up, let's go! I'm an unlucky fool, I don't deserve you, and I'm drunk, I feel Ashamed... I don't deserve to love you, but kneeling before you - that's everyone's duty, as long as he is not a complete brute! So I kneel... Look, this is your hotel, Rodion drove away not long ago Your Pyotr Petrovich, for that alone, he's right! How dare this man let you stay in a hotel like this? It's a disgrace! You know, people who come here are Who? But you're his fiancée, aren't you! You're his fiancée, aren't you? Well, so I tell you, your fiancé is a vile fellow for doing such a thing! " "Listen, Mr. Razumihin, you forgot . . . " began Pulcheria Alexandrovna. "Yes, yes, you are right, I am too presumptuous, I am ashamed!" Razumihin suddenly realized, "But...but...you are not angry with me for saying this! Because I am so It's base to say out of sincerity, and not because of... ahem! In short, not because I'm treating you... ahem!... Well, that's it, no need, I won't say why, I don't Dare to say it!... We all figured it out a while ago, and as soon as he came in, we knew that this man was not with us. Not because he had curled his hair at the barber, or because he was eager to show off his wit, but Because, he's a spy and a chancer; because he's a miser and a buffoon, you can tell. Do you think he's smart? No, he's a fool, a fool! Well, is he worthy of you? Oh, My God! You know, ladies," he was already on the stairs of the hotel, but stopped suddenly, "although those people in my place are drunk, but they are all honest people, although we also talk nonsense. Nonsense, so I am also nonsense, but in the end we will understand what the truth is, because we are walking on the honest road, but Peter Petrovich is not walking on the honest road. Although I scold them now, But I respect them all; even Zametov, though I don't respect him, but I like him, because he's a little dog! Even this beast Zossimov, because he's honest and knows his business ...But that's enough, it's all said and forgiven. Is it forgiven? Is that so? Well, let's go. I know this corridor more than once; In room No. 1, a disgraceful thing happened... Hey, which room do you live in here? What number? No. 8? Well, then lock the door at night and keep him out. I'll bring him in a quarter of an hour Come back with news, and then, in half an hour, come again with Zossimov, you will know! Good-bye, I'm going!" "My God, Dounia, what's going to happen?" Pulcheria Alexandrovna said to her daughter in alarm and timidity. "Don't worry, mamma," replied Dounia, taking off her hat and shawl, "God himself has sent this gentleman to us, even though he came directly from the banquet. It is all right with him." Trust me, please believe it. And everything he has done for my brother..." "Oh, Dounia. God knows whether he will come! How could I decide to leave Rodya alone! . . . I could never, never imagine seeing him like this! How hard he looked, like he wasn't happy to see us..." Tears appeared in her eyes. "No, it's not like that, mother. You haven't been looking, you've been crying. He's in a bad mood because of a serious illness—and that's all." "Oh, this sickness! What's going to happen, what's going to happen! And how does he talk to you, Dounia!" said the mother, timidly looking into her daughter's eyes, trying to see Saying all that was in her mind, she was half comforted by her daughter's protection of Rodya: so it seemed that her daughter forgave him. "Tomorrow, I am sure, he will change his mind," she added, trying to get her daughter's mind right. "But I'm sure that about it ... he'll say the same thing tomorrow ..." Avdotya Romanovna answered emphatically. Alexandrovna was afraid to talk about it now.Dounia went up to her and kissed her mother.Mother silently hugged her tightly.Then sat down and waited anxiously for Razumihin's return, and at the same time looked timidly at his daughter, who was also waiting, walking up and down the room with her arms folded, thinking to herself .Walking from corner to corner in this way of thinking was Avdotya Romanovna's usual habit, and for some reason her mother was always afraid to interrupt her meditation at such moments. Razumihin's drunken and sudden passionate love for Avdotya Romanovna is of course funny; but look at Avdotya Romanovna, especially now, when she Perhaps many people would have forgiven him for walking up and down the room with his arms crossed and brooding and thoughtful, not to mention that he was in an unnatural state of mind.Avdotya Romanovna was very beautiful--tall, very slender and well-proportioned, strong, and confident--with this confidence in every gesture of hers, but this In no way detracted from the softness and grace of her manner.Her face was like her brother's, but one could even call her a beauty.Her hair was auburn, a little lighter than her brother's; her eyes were almost black, shining brightly, with a haughty expression, but sometimes, though not always, with a singularly good-natured look.She was fair, but not morbidly pale; her face was radiant, delicate and healthy.Her mouth was slightly smaller, and her bright red lower lip protruded slightly forward with her chin—the only defect in this beautiful face, but it also gave it a special character, as if it made her face There was an air of arrogance.The expression on her face was always more serious than gay, always as if in thought; but how well suited was that face to smile, how well suited to her was a cheerful, carefree, youthful smile!Enthusiastic, frank, simple and gullible, upright, strong like a warrior, and a little drunk, Razumihin had never met a woman like her, and it was understandable that he fell in love with her at first sight.What's more, it seemed that God had deliberately arranged such an opportunity that when he saw Dounia for the first time, it happened to be a beautiful moment when she met her brother and filled her heart with brotherly love and joy.Then he saw her lower lip tremble suddenly, as she responded angrily to her brother's rude, ungrateful, callous order,— Then he could no longer hold on to himself. However, because he was slightly drunk, he blurted out on the stairs not long ago that Raskolnikov's eccentric landlady, Praskovya Pavlovna, was not only jealous of Avdo for him. Dia Romanovna, and it seemed that she would be jealous of Pulcheria Alexandrovna too, was telling the truth.Although Pulcheria Alexandrovna was forty-three years old, she still had the same features as before, and looked much younger than her real age. Those who can maintain a cheerful mood into old age, A woman who makes a strong impression, and who is full of integrity, sincerity, and warmth, almost always does.Let us incidentally say that being able to preserve all this is the only way of not losing your beauty even in old age.Her hair has started to turn gray and thinning gradually, fine crow's feet have already covered the corners of her eyes, her cheeks have been sunken and shriveled due to worry and pain, but this face is still beautiful.It was a portrait of Dounia's face, but twenty years later, and the expression of her lower lip, which did not protrude, was quite different from her daughter's.Pulcheria Alexandrovna was sentimental, but not grotesque, she was timid and tolerant, but there was a limit: she could tolerate many things, she could agree to many things, even The same is true for things that are contrary to her beliefs, but there is always a line drawn by integrity, principle, and absolute belief that no circumstances can force her to cross it. Exactly twenty minutes after Razumihin had left, there were two soft but rapid knocks at the door; he returned. "I won't go in, there's no time!" he said hastily, when the door was opened, "he slept very soundly, very sweetly and quietly, God help him, let him sleep for ten hours. Nasta Thea stays with him; I told her not to go out till I go back. Now I'll drag Zossimov here, and he'll report to you, and then you'll sleep a little too; I can see you're all tired broken." So he left them and walked down the corridor. "What a quick and . . . faithful young man!" cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna, very happy. "It seems that he is a very good man!" Avdotya Romanovna replied with some enthusiasm, and began to pace up and down the room again. Almost an hour later, there were footsteps in the corridor, and another knock at the door.Both women were waiting, for this time they believed completely in Razumihin's promise; indeed, he did bring Zossimov.Zossimov immediately agreed to leave the banquet to see Raskolnikov, but he did not trust Razumihin, who was drunk, and came to the two ladies with great reluctance and misgivings.But his pride was immediately satisfied, even relieved: he knew that he was really being expected, as if for a prophet.He sat for a full ten minutes and had completely convinced Pulcheria Alexandrovna and put her at ease.He spoke with uncharacteristic sympathy, yet prim and somehow stern, exactly like a twenty-seven-year-old doctor giving an opinion at an important consultative meeting, without digressing a word or showing an iota of seriousness. A desire to develop a closer personal relationship with these two ladies.He found Avdotya Romanovna glamorous as soon as he entered, and immediately tried not to pay attention to her at all, and during the whole time with them, he was alone with Pulcheria Alexandrovna. say.All this gave him great satisfaction.Concerning the patient, he said so, that the patient is presently in a completely satisfactory condition.According to his observation, the patient's illness, in addition to the poor material conditions of life in recent months, also has certain spiritual factors, "It can be said that it is the result of many complex mental and material influences, such as panic, worry, anxiety, certain ideas ... and effects like that".Avdotya Romanovna began to listen with special attention, and Zossimov, noticing this a little, expanded a few words on the subject.Pulcheria Alexandrovna asked anxiously and timidly: "It seems that he has some suspicion of mental illness?" ; of course, it can be noticed that the patient has some obstinate ideas in his head, which shows symptoms of paranoia - because he, Zossimov, is currently paying special attention to this very interesting specialty of medicine, - but It has to be remembered that almost to this day the patient is not very sane, so... of course, the presence of his relatives will promote his recovery, allay his doubts, make a radical improvement in his condition, "as long as new special shocks can be avoided." , he added meaningfully.Then he got up and took his leave solemnly and kindly, with blessings, warm thanks, entreaties, and even the little hand of Avdotya Romanovna extended to him, though he did not ask, She offered to shake his hand, and he went out very pleased with his visit, and even more pleased with himself. "Let's talk to-morrow; please rest, at once, definitely!" said Razumihin, as if concluding, and went out with Zossimov. "As early as possible tomorrow, I will report to you again." "But what a charming little girl this Avdotya Romanovna is!" said Zossimov almost salivating, as they walked out into the street. "Charming? You say she's charming!" Razumikhin roared, and suddenly threw himself on Zossimov and grabbed his throat. "Whenever you dare... Do you understand? Do you understand?" he yelled, shaking him by the collar and pushing him against the wall. "Did you hear that?" "Oh, let go, drunkard!" Zossimov tried to break free, and when Razumihin had let go of him, he looked intently at Razumihin, and suddenly burst out laughing.Razumihin stood before him, with his hands down, lost in thought, melancholy and serious. "Of course, I'm an ass," he said with a gloomy expression, like a dark cloud, "but... You too. " "Well, man, no, I'm not at all. I don't dream." They walked in silence, but as they approached Raskolnikov's house Razumihin was very worried and broke the silence. "Listen," he said to Zossimov, "you are a very nice fellow, but you, besides all your bad qualities, are also a pervert, I know that, and a mean one at that." Shameless pervert. You're a neurotic, impotent scum, you're headstrong, you're overfed, you're capable of anything, - I call that meanness, because it leads straight into meanness Go to the shameless quagmire. You have spoiled yourselves like this. I honestly don't understand how you can be such a selfless doctor at the same time. Sleep on feather mattresses (doctors!), but Get up at night to see a doctor! After three years, you won't get up at night for sick people... Oh, yes, hell, that's not the problem, but this: you have to spend the night at the landlady's house today (okay It's easy to convince her!) But I'm sleeping in the kitchen; it's a good chance for you to get acquainted more intimately! But it's not what you think! Boy, there's not even a shadow of that kind of thing..." "I didn't even think about it." "Dude, it's shy, silent, shy, and ruthless chastity, and at the same time, sighing, melting like wax, melting! For the sake of all the monsters in the world, please help me." Let me get rid of her! She is a very beautiful woman! . . . I will repay you, even at the cost of my own head!" Zossimov laughed louder than ever. "You're crazy in love! What do I want her for?" "Please believe me, there won't be too much trouble, but you have to say some stupid things. You can say whatever you like, just sit next to her and talk. Besides, you are a doctor and can cure her illness. I I swear you won't regret it. She has a clavichord in her room; you know, I can play twice, but not well; I have a song there, a real Russian song: 'I shed tears... . . . ' She liked real Russian songs,--so she started with them; but you're a good piano player, and a teacher, Rubenstein . . . You won't regret it, I promise!" ① Rubinstein (1829-1894), a famous Russian pianist and composer. “你是不是向她许下了什么诺言？按照程式订了合同，签过了字？也许答应过和她结婚……” “没有，没有，根本没有这种事！而且她也完全不是这样的人；切巴罗夫追求过她……” “好，那你就甩掉她好了！” “可是不能就这样甩掉她！” "Why not?" “嗯，不知为什么不能这样，就是这么一回事！老兄，这儿有诱惑力这个因素。” “那你为什么引诱她呢？” “可我根本就没引诱她，也许，甚至是我受了她的引诱，这是因为我傻，可对她来说，不论是你，还是我，都完全一样，只要有人坐在她身边叹气就成。这，老兄……这我无法向你描述，这，——啊，你精通数学，现在还在研究，这我知道……嗯，你就教她微积分吧，真的，我不是开玩笑，我是一本正经地跟你说，对于她来说，什么都完全一样：她会瞅着你唉声叹气，整整一年就这样不断地叹气。顺带说一声，我曾经跟她大谈普鲁士上议院的情况（因为，跟她可有什么好谈的呢？），谈了很久，一连谈了两天，——可她只是在叹气，在出汗！不过可别跟她谈爱情，——她会臊得浑身发抖，——可是你要装出不能离开她的样子，——好，这就够了。舒服极了；完全跟在家里一样，——看看书，坐坐，躺躺，吃点儿东西……甚至可以小心谨慎地吻吻她……” “可我要她干什么？” “唉，我怎么也没法跟你解释清楚。你要知道，你们俩完全一模一样，你像她，她也像你！以前我就想到你了……你总得结婚吧！那么是早些，还是迟些，对你不都一样吗？老兄，这儿有这么好的羽毛褥子作为基础，——哎，而且还不只是羽毛褥子！这儿有一种力量在吸引你；这儿是世界的尽头，是停泊的地方，是宁静的避难所，是地球的中心，是由三条鱼构成的世界的基础①，这里有春饼，油腻的鱼肉馅烤饼，晚上的茶炊，轻轻的叹息，暖和的敞胸女短上衣，烧暖的火炕，一切享受的精华，——嗯，就跟你死了一样，可同时你又在活着，一举两得！哈，老兄，见鬼，我说得过火了，该睡觉了！你听我说：夜里有时候我会醒来，去看看他。不过没关系，我胡扯，一切都会很好的。你不必特别担心，你要愿意的话，也可以去看他一次。不过只要发觉什么，比如说，他说胡话啦，或者发烧啦，或者有什么不对头的地方，立刻就叫醒我。不过，不可能……” ①古代传说，大地是驮在三条巨鲸的背上，由它们支撑着。