Chapter 151 The sixth female fugitive (16)

During that period I saw Hilbert often, and the two of us resumed contact: the length of our lives is not calculated by the length of our friendship with others.After a time, friendships which have been interrupted for many years are restored between the same people, and both parties are willing to resume them (just as in the political world abolished ministries are re-established, in the theater re-emergence of relegated plays). staged).Why did one party love too persistently in the first place, and why the other party couldn't bear the overly demanding and arbitrary, those reasons will no longer exist after 10 years.Only social etiquette remains valid.What Hilbert might have refused to give me in the past, she would now readily say yes, no doubt because I no longer wanted it.She was always ready to come to me and was never in a hurry to leave me, which in the past had been intolerable and impossible for her, but the reason for this change was never made clear between us; Because the barrier between us has been removed, and this barrier is my love for her.

Shortly thereafter I went to Donsonville to stay for a few days, because I learned that Hilbert was unlucky, that Robert had been unfaithful to her, and not in the way everyone thought, or at least Hilbert himself still thought, At least the way she said it.But out of self-respect, out of wanting to deceive others as well as himself, and because of an incomplete understanding of betrayals (whoever is deceived cannot fully understand those deceptions), especially because Robert is worthy of being the nephew of M. de Charlus. , he and the women whose reputation he has discredited, everyone thinks, anyway Hilbert thinks, these women are his mistresses... The upper class even thinks that he is not good enough, openly with a certain woman at some social evenings Not to leave, and then escort her home, let Mrs. Saint-Loup find a way to return to the house by herself.Whoever said that the woman he was so implicated in was not actually his mistress would be considered simple-minded and lying in the face of the facts.Unfortunately, however, the few words that escaped Jupien's lips led me to the truth, a truth that pained me so much.A few months before my departure for Donsonville, I visited M. de Charlus one day to inquire about the health of M. de Charlus;Seeing Jupien alone, I told him about a love letter signed by Poipet and sent to Robert. This love letter was intercepted by Madame Saint-Loup. Poubert's is none other than the violinist and column editor we were talking about!This man played a considerable part in the life of M. de Charlus.As soon as Jupien mentioned this, he was filled with indignation: "Of course the boy can do what he wants. Nephew. Especially since the Baron loves this nephew as his own son; it is shameful that the boy does everything possible to separate the couple. And he does it with insidious means, because no one is so naturally opposed to this as the Marquis de Saint-Loup. How little did he spend on his mistress? That damned musician left the baron so despicably, one could say it was his business. And yet he turned to seduce the baron's nephew! No, something It can't be done." Jupien's anger was genuine; so-called immoral people had as much righteous indignation on moral issues as anyone else, only directed at slightly different targets.In addition, people who are not directly involved in emotional entanglements always comment on which affairs should be avoided and which are unsuitable marriages, as if people are free to choose their love partners. They do not take into account that love can produce a mirage of beauty Visions that envelop our loved ones individually and wholly, so that a man commits "foolish things" such as marrying a cook or the mistress of his best friend, but these "foolish things" are often his whole life. The only poetic act accomplished in

-------- ①This departure from home was quite embarrassing for me, because I had a girl in Paris who lived in a single lodging I rented.Some people need the scent of the forest or the whisper of the lake, I need this girl to sleep by my side at night, and I need her by my side in the car during the day.A love may be forgotten, but it can determine the form of the next love.Some of the usual habits from a previous love were already there, we just can't remember where they came from; Go back to her residence, or ask her to live in our house, hoping that she will have us or someone we trust to accompany her every time she goes out. Later, these practices were adopted and fixed by us, just like some people have forgotten their meaning. Customs and habits: all these customs are like the same thoroughfare, through which our love passes every day, where they were formerly dissolved in the fiery impulse of the volcanic fire.These habits persist after the death of the woman we love, even after the memory of her has worn off.They become forms of our love, if not all at least some alternate forms of love.For example, as a memory of the forgotten Albertina, I need my present mistress to stay in my apartment, I hide her from visitors, but she enriches me like the Albertine of the past. life.In order to go to Donsonville, I had to beg her to promise to let a womanly friend of mine guard her for me for a few days. ——Author's note.

I learned that Robert and his wife had almost separated (while Hilbert had not yet fully understood the truth of the matter), thanks to the mediation of Mrs. de Marsante, a wise and calm mother who loves her son and hopes that her son will be successful. make their peace.She belonged to that class in which the continual intermingling of different bloods and the growing impoverishment of ancestral estates make possible the rise of generational vices and conformities in lust and material interest.She once strongly supported Mrs. Swann and Jupien's marriage, and later arranged the marriage between her son and Hilbert with the same strength. sagacity, and the entire Saint-Germain suburb benefited from it.Perhaps the reason why she hastily decided on the marriage of Robert and Gilberte (of course, this matter cost her less effort and tears than she had spent in the past to break off the relationship between Robert and Rachel) was simply because He was afraid that he would be living with another villain,--or with the same woman, because Robert's love for Rachel was so long-lasting--but in that case he might be saved.Now I understand what Robert meant when he said to me at Princess de Gelmont's house, he said: "It's a pity that your Balbec's girlfriend doesn't have the property my mother asked for, otherwise I would like I'll be very congenial with her." He meant that she was a Gomol as he was a Sodom, or, if he was not yet a Sodom, he liked only those whom he could somehow go to. A woman who loves and loves with other women.It seems that Gilberte can also provide me with Albertine's situation.If it weren't for the fact that I'd lost my curiosity to know anything about my girlfriend, except for the occasional relapse.I could have asked not only Gilberte but Robert.After all, it was the same fact that Robertine and I wanted to marry Albertine, namely, that she loved women.However, the reasons for their desires are completely different, and their purposes are completely opposite.I did it out of desperation at the knowledge of this fact, Robert out of satisfaction; I wanted to keep her from indulging in it through my constant surveillance, and Robert in order to cultivate it in her, And give her all the freedom to bring him girlfriends.

-------- ①According to the Genesis records of the Bible, Gomor and Sodom are two cities located in the southern part of the Dead Sea. They were destroyed in brimstone and fire because of their moral corruption and homosexuality. Thus, Jupien regarded Robert's new and completely different development in sensual interests as a recent occurrence, but I learned from a conversation with Aimé that I was very sad. The ex-head waiter at the Balbec Hotel traces this deviation and perversion of Robert's sexuality back even further. I had the opportunity to have that conversation with Emme because I stayed in Balbec for a few days. During those few days, Saint-Loup, who was enjoying a longer vacation, also came to Balbec with his wife. During this period, Robert accompanied his wife every step of the way.I noticed at the time that the profound influence of Rachel was still felt in Robert, and admired it.Only a young husband who has lived with his mistress for a long time will help his wife take off her coat before entering the restaurant, and will show due concern and consideration to her wife.During his life with his mistress he was trained to be a good husband.At a table not far from him and adjacent to me sat Bullock, who, in the midst of a group of pretentious young maesters, assumed false ease as he ostentatiously handed the menu to A friend overturned two bottles of water on the table and shouted to him: "No, no, my dear friend, you should order! I will never make a menu in my life. Never order!" he repeated with insincere arrogance, at the same time agreeing to a bottle of champagne, saying that he liked to have champagne as a "symbolic" garnish when chatting, which painted the appetite of the appetite. A little literary color.Saint Lou is very good at ordering.He sat next to the pregnant Hilbert (whom he later kept bearing her), just as he slept next to her at night in a double bed in a hotel.He only talked to his wife, as if nothing else existed in the hotel, and yet when a waiter came to take his order and stood near him, he suddenly raised his bright eyes and cast a glance at the waiter. to glance, the glance lasted no longer than two seconds, but there was a curiosity and inquiry in that clear and keen eye, which was of the nature of any guest who stares, even for a long time, at a hotel. The curiosity and inquiry in the eyes of a waiter or a clerk in order to come up with some humorous thought and tell it to his friends are quite different.Anyone who observes Robert at this moment can see from this fleeting, seemingly inadvertent glance that the waiter himself is interested in him, the good husband, Rachel's former enthusiasm There is another side of his life which interests him far more than the side in which he acts out of duty.But what people see is the former Robert.His eyes had returned to Hilbert, and the wife hadn't noticed anything.Robert introduced her to a friend by the way, and went out for a walk with her.But what Emme told me at the time was a long time ago, that is, when I met Saint-Loup through Mrs. de Villebalisis, it was also in Balbec.

"It's true, Monsieur," said Aimé, "everyone knows about it, and I have known it for a long time. When Monsieur went to Balbec in the first year, the Marquis shut himself up with my elevator driver. In the room, the excuse was to enlarge the photo of Mr.'s grandmother. The young man wanted to sue him, but we had to work hard to settle the matter secretly. Now, Mr. probably remembers the day when the Marquis and his mistress came to the restaurant for lunch Well, the Marquis used his mistress as a shield. Sir, he probably remembered that the Marquis lost his temper and went away. Of course, I am not saying that the lady was right. She made him suffer enough. But that day I always felt that the Marquis’ anger was a fake Yes, he needs to distract Mr. and this lady, and no one can make me get rid of this view." Regarding that day, I know that Emme either deliberately made it up, or completely misunderstood it.I remember Robert's condition and the slap he gave the reporter very clearly.The same thing happened with Balbec: either the elevator driver had lied, or Aimé had.At least I think so; whether it is true, I can't be sure: people can only see one side of the matter, and for me, the lift driver's trip to Saint-Loup is a convenient way to send him a letter for me and get his reply. , and for Saint-Loup it is a good opportunity to meet someone he likes. If this incident did not cause me so much pain, I would think there is something beautiful in it.Indeed, things in the world are at least dual.Others may embellish one of our most insignificant acts by embedding a whole series of completely unrelated acts.Undoubtedly, it seems to me that if there was an affair between Saint-Loup and the elevator driver, it had nothing to do with the trivial matter of delivering my letter, just like the duet of Wagner's "Lohengrin" ① It is impossible for one to foresee the prelude to Tristan und Chiser.It is true that, due to the poverty of human senses, they can only recognize a limited number of the countless attributes of things.Objects are colored because we have eyes to see; if we have hundreds of faculties, how many adjectives should we have to modify things?Anything in life, even an insignificant thing, you only know part of it and think that's all, and another person sees it from the other side, like a window on the other side of a house. It is like looking out and seeing another landscape. From this point of view, it is easier to understand that things will present different aspects.If Aimee is not mistaken, then the reason for Robert's sudden blushing when Bullock told him about the elevator driver may not only be that Bullock referred to "elevator" as "pre-elevator".However, I firmly believe that Saint-Loup's physical evolution did not begin at that time. He only loved women at that time.In retrospect, his friendship with me at Balbec is the best indication of this.Only when he loves a woman can he really have friendship with a man.Afterwards, at least for a while, he showed a general indifference to men with whom he was not directly related. I think this indifference was partly genuine, because his attitude became very rigid, but also exaggerated, in order to make people feel better. Others believed that he only paid attention to women.But I still remember that one day in Donsières, when I was going to dinner at Verdurin's, he said to me after looking at Chali for a long time: "It's strange, this boy, he has something like Rachel. You Aren't you surprised? I think they have a lot in common. But it's none of my business anyway." But then his eyes stare off into the distance for a long time, bewildered, like a person restarting a game of poker or before going out to dinner The thought of a distant trip, the thought that such a trip would never be made again, gave me a momentary nostalgia.Robert saw the shadow of Rachel in Xiali, and Gilberte tried to imitate Rachel to please her husband. Like Rachel, she wore scarlet, pink or yellow silk knots in her hair and combed her hair. The same hairstyle, because she believes that her husband still loves Rachel, and she is jealous of her.It is possible that Robert's love sometimes lies between the love of a man for a woman and that of a man for a man.In short, his nostalgia for Rachel played an aesthetic role in this respect.It can't even function otherwise.One day Robert asked her to dress up as a man and asked her to let a lock of her hair hang down, but he just looked at her as if he was not satisfied.He was still very attached to her, and paid her the annuity he had promised on time - though not willingly - but this did not prevent Rachel from later playing despicable means on him.Hilbert would least suffer from it if she knew that this generosity of his to Rachel was nothing more than a forced fulfillment of a promise that involved no love whatsoever.However, Robert just pretended to be attached to Rachel.Gay men might make the best husbands if they don't pretend to be infatuated with women.Besides, Hilbert has no complaints.It was precisely because she thought that Robert was loved by Rachel, and loved him for so long, that she wanted to get Robert, and rejected many more suitable spouses for him; he seemed to have made some kind of concession to her by marrying her. .Indeed, at first the comparison between the two women (in spite of their disparity in charm and appearance) was rather unfavorable to the sweet Hilbert.But then Hilbert gained more and more respect from her husband, while Rachel's status gradually declined.

-------- ① "Lohengrin" is an opera composed by Wagner based on ancient German folklore. ② Tristan und Eisel is an opera adapted by Wagner based on the medieval Celtic folktale Tristan und Eise. Another inconsistent character is Madame Swann.If it is said that in Gilberte's eyes, Robert's head before marriage has been surrounded by double rings of light, and one circle is caused by the cohabitation life between him and Rachel constantly revealed from Mrs. de Marsante's lament. Yes, the other circle is caused by the prestige that the Guermantes family has always enjoyed in her father's heart and has been continued in her heart; Madame de Forcheville, on the other hand, had hoped that her daughter would be able to climb a more glorious school. marriage, maybe to a prince or prince or something (some royal relatives are not rich, they will accept this dowry - which is far less than the original promise of 80 million - not to mention that the surname of Forcheville has made this money She hoped that her daughter would not be degraded by being away from social life like Saint-Loup, but she couldn't beat Gilberte after all, so she complained and scolded her son-in-law whenever she met, but suddenly One day, everything changed, and her son-in-law became an angel, and even if she ridiculed him, she did so secretly.It turned out that as she grew older, although Mrs. Swann (now Mrs. de Forcheville) still retained the habit of being supported by men, she lost the means of making them support, and her admirers abandoned them one by one. She goes away.Every day she wants a new necklace, a new dress with diamonds, and a more luxurious car, but her property is limited, and Forcheville almost eats up the family property; she has a lovely daughter, But the daughter is terribly miserly—what influence of the Jews is driving Hilbert? ——She is even more concerned with her husband, and of course she is even more so with her mother.But Odette suddenly had a premonition that Robert could be her provider, and he did become her provider.She wasn't very young, but that didn't matter to an unfeminine son-in-law.He only asked his mother-in-law to calm down the dispute of one kind or another between him and Hilbert, so that Hilbert could agree to a trip with Morrel.After Odette went all out to complete the mission, she was immediately rewarded with a beautiful ruby.For this, however, Hilbert had to be more generous to her husband.Odette exhorted her daughter to do this, and exhorted her with the utmost zeal, for it was she who would benefit from Hilbert's generosity.In this way, thanks to Robert, Odette, at the age of 50 (some say 60), can still surprise the audience with a surprisingly gorgeous dress every time she goes to a dinner party or party, but she doesn't have to need a lady like she used to. "Boyfriend", besides, even if there is a "boyfriend", he will not pay now, or even take the bait.So while she entered, and seems to have entered forever, her final chastity, she never looked so beautifully dressed.

Chali was not only out of bad intentions, but out of the former poor man's love that made him rich but always made him feel (this is shown in the character of M. de Charlus, but especially in his vocabulary. ) The hatred of the masters of the two different positions turned to Saint-Loup in order to make the baron double the pain.He may also be greedy for profit.My impression is that Robert probably gave him a lot of money.I met Robert at a party before I set off for Combray, and he was in the splendid company of a woman who was supposed to be his mistress, with whom he was at his side, two in one, As if wrapped in her skirts in public, the situation reminded me that it was an involuntary repetition of his ancestral movements, but with something more nervous and frightened. The same movement was observed in Mr. Smith, when he seemed to be wrapped in Mrs. Moller's skirt. Mrs. Moller was a banner for him to show his closeness to women. In fact, it was not his purpose to be close to women, but he liked to show it. The flag, although he had no right to do so, perhaps he felt it would serve a protective purpose, or that it had aesthetic value.On the way home I discovered that Robert was far less generous than he had been when he was rich now.And now it has become so frugal, which surprises me.It is quite common for people to only value what they have, or for a person to spend a lot of money when they are not very rich, but to keep it when they are rich, but I think this phenomenon is a bit special in Robert.Saint-Loup refused to take the carriage, and I saw him keep a tram ticket.In financial affairs he had no doubt used the talents he had acquired during his cohabitation with Rachel, but to different ends.A young man who has lived with a woman for a long time is not as inexperienced as a virgin who has never had another woman before marriage.Robert doesn't take his wife to restaurants very often, but every time he just needs to see how deftly and respectfully he undresses her, how he orders the food and dispatches the waiters skillfully, how he pays attention to Gilberte before he puts on his blouse. You can tell by flattening her sleeves that he had been another woman's lover for a long time before becoming this woman's husband.Likewise, he had in the past been obliged to look after Rachel's household down to the smallest detail, partly because Rachel knew nothing about it, and partly because he was driven by jealousy to command the servants himself.Therefore, when managing Gilbert's property and housekeeping, he can continue to display his ingenious and expert skills. Perhaps even Gilberte can't match it, so he is happy to throw the burden on him.However, Saint-Loup's main reason for doing this is undoubtedly to let Xiali benefit from his savings, so that he can support him generously without letting Gilberte notice it, and not let her life be affected.Perhaps he thought the violinist was a spendthrift like "all artists" (Charlie's not-so-confident and proud self-proclaimed artist justification for not answering letters and a host of other shortcomings, he thought These shortcomings are part of the accepted psychological profile of the artist).Personally, I don't think it matters morally whether one gets pleasure from a man or a woman, and that it is only natural and human that people seek pleasure where it is available.If Robert had not been married, the relationship between him and Chali should not have caused me the slightest sadness.Yet I was well aware that my grief would have been equally strong had Robert remained a bachelor.If this kind of thing happened to someone else, I would ignore it.But thinking of the deep friendship I once felt for another Saint-Loup, a Saint-Loup who was so different from him now, and I felt from his cold, hesitant manner that since a man could I could not help weeping at the thought of the impossibility of friendship between him and a man after his passion had been aroused, and the impossibility of his reciprocating it in me.How could such a thing happen to this young man?He had been so fond of women, and when "the grand Rachel" was about to leave him, I saw him so desperate that I feared he would kill himself.Could it be that the resemblance between Chali and Rachel—I did not perceive it—was a springboard for Robert to pass from his father's hobby to his uncle's in order to complete his physical evolution?In fact, even in his uncle, the evolution started rather late.Sometimes Aimé's words trouble me again; I recall Robert at Balbec that year; when he spoke to the elevator driver he tried not to look at him in a way that reminded me of M. de Charlus when he spoke to certain men look.This point, Robert probably got it from M. de Charlus, but he got it from a certain haughty temperament and posture of the Guermantes family, rather than from the peculiar idiosyncrasies of the baron.For example, the Duke de Guermantes, he has no such tendency at all, but he turns his wrist as vigorously as M. de Charlus, as if he is tightening a lace cuff around his wrist, and there is that kind of voice in his voice. The sharp and affected tones, and other manners, which one would have given another meaning to if they had come from M. de Charlus, and another to him, since the individual always resorts to some Impersonal and atavistic traits express their uniqueness, and they may be nothing more than ancient traits fixed in action and voice.This assumption has already involved natural history. According to this assumption, it should be said that the members of the Gelmont family who should be called defective and partly use the characteristics of the Gelmont family to express this defect are not de Charlus. Monsieur, but the Duke de Guermantes, because the Duke is an exception in this abnormal family, he is not infected with the ancestral disease at all, and the external imprint it leaves on him loses any meaning.I still remember the first day I saw Saint-Loup in Balbec, with blond hair, who seemed to be made of rare and precious materials, and waved a monocle in front of his hand. I always felt that he was a bit feminine. Certainly not the result of his idiosyncrasies, as I now learn.It is the gentle and elegant feeling unique to the Guermantes family, like exquisite Saxophone porcelain, and the Duchess de Guermantes is also shaped with this texture of material.I also remember his friendship for me, and the tender and sentimental way in which he expressed it, which may lead others to get wrong ideas, but I also think that this does not mean that what I now know, in At the time it meant something else, even the complete opposite.So when did his obsession start?If it started the year I returned to Balbec, why didn't he even once see the elevator driver and never talk to me about him?As for the first year, how could he pay attention to the elevator driver when he was so madly infatuated with Rachel?That year I felt that Saint-Loup was as different as all true Guermantes.He turned out to be even more special than I thought.But what we do not feel directly, what we only learn from others, we can no longer make our minds receive, because the time has passed, the channel between mind and reality is closed; Find out because it's too late.Besides, the above discovery was too painful for me to enjoy it in any way mentally.Ever since what M. de Charlus said to me at Verdurin's in Paris, I have perhaps ceased to suspect that Robert's case was one of many decent men, even the wisest and kindest. For example, it was the same for me from whomever I learned about him, except from Robert.The cloud of suspicion left by Aimé's words clouded the friendship I formed with Robert at Balbec and Doncières, although I did not believe in friendship and never really felt for Robert. Friendship, but remembering the incident with the elevator driver, recalling what happened at the restaurant when I lunched with Robert and Rachel, I had to restrain myself from tears.