Chapter 78 Nine Farewells

After reading the following letter, it is not difficult to imagine the turmoil in Lucien's heart; he wrote at night and stopped for a while, trying to write a sentence. Dear sister, I didn't expect that just now was the last time we met.My resolve is irrevocable.Many families have a bad luck star, which is a kind of plague to the family; and I am one of them.This is not my opinion, but the opinion of a person with a lot of experience in the world.One day a few of our acquaintances were having supper at the Oyster Rock Restaurant and were joking and joking. The diplomat mentioned a young woman who seemed strange to everyone who was not married, but was actually murdered by her father.The diplomat went on to publish what he called the theory of family plague, explaining to us that without a certain mother, a certain family would have prospered, that a certain son ruined the father, and that a certain father ruined the reputation and prospects of the children.Although the insights on that social problem were expressed through talking and laughing, I was really surprised by the large number of examples given in ten minutes.On hearing such truths, journalists can be forgiven for their absurd remarks—when they have no one to tease, they often use this to amuse themselves, and make their strange remarks very interesting.Let me tell you, I am the unlucky star of our family.With good intentions I act like an enemy.I have received your favor and repaid it with disasters.The blow to you this time is particularly cruel, although it was unintentional.I gave up on myself in Paris, had fun in spite of my poverty, and regarded my drinking and meat friends as my confidantes, and my true confidantes as those who exploited me;You work hard at home, earning your fortune by the hard and reliable way; but I wish to take a shortcut.You're making progress, and I'm ruining my life.Because my ambition is insatiable, and I don't want to live a life of poverty.When I think of certain hobbies, certain enjoyments, I despise the readily available pleasures which I used to be satisfied with.Dear Eve, I criticize myself harsher than anyone else and have no mercy on myself.Struggles in Paris require unremitting perseverance, and my will is only an occasional impulse, and my reason is intermittent.I was so afraid of the future that I just wanted to avoid it, but I couldn't bear the current situation.I wanted to come back to see you, but in fact it is better to go into exile forever.But there is no way of making a living, exile is madness, and I don't want to add another madness to the one I already have.I'd rather be dead than a moribund life; for my excessive vanity, no matter what the circumstances may be, is bound to go awry.There is a kind of person in the world who is equal to zero, and a number must be added in front of it to make the price ten times.To be of value, I must be united with a strong-willed, ruthless man.Madame de Bargeton was indeed my ideal wife, and I did not waste my life by giving up Coralie for her.David and you can be my excellent guides, but you are not strong enough to subdue my temper that is afraid of being restrained.I like to be well fed all day long, and do nothing; to get out of a bad business, I can be mean and do anything.I was born a prince and grandson.If I want to be successful, my intelligence is only a little bit more, unfortunately I can only be smart for a while; and in the life of a crowd of heroes, only those who do not waste their intelligence and have enough intelligence to complete the journey will win the prize.Although I have a hundred and twenty good intentions, I will inevitably hurt others in the future, just like this time at home.Some people are like an oak tree, and I may be just a slender shrub, but I call myself a pine and cypress.This is my ledger.Ability and desire are out of harmony, out of balance, and all my efforts are in vain.There are many such people among literati: intelligence and character, will and desire, are always inconsistent.How will I end up in the future?Just think of some of the forgotten, outdated celebrities in Paris.Towards old age, I will be prematurely old, without property, without prestige.I can't stand this kind of late life, and I don't want to become a pile of garbage in society.Dear sister, I loved you as much in the early days of your tenderness to me as in the last period of your sternness; and I am glad to see you and David again this time, though it has cost me so much. A high price; and later on you may think that nothing is too high a price to pay for these last pleasures to a wretch who loves you... You don't have to hunt around, you don't have to track down my whereabouts; Can help me realize my will.The so-called forbearance is tantamount to committing suicide every day, and my forbearance can only last for one day, I want to use it quickly...

It was two o'clock in the morning. —I have made up my mind, dear Eve, and I bid you farewell.I take comfort in living only in your hearts from now on, and that is my grave... Farewell.younger sister! ...This is your brother's last farewell. Lucien. After Lucien finished writing the letter, he took it downstairs quietly and placed it on the cradle of his little nephew.The girl was fast asleep, he kissed her forehead with tears in his eyes, and went out.He put out the candle in the dim dawn, took a last look at the old house, and gently opened the door of the passage; even though he was so careful, Cobb, who was laying the floor in the workshop, was awakened by him.

"Who?..." Lucien said: "It's me, Cobb, I'm leaving." "It would be better if I didn't come back this time," Cobb said to himself, quite loudly, and Lucien heard him. He replied, "It's better not to be born at all. Goodbye, Cobb, I don't blame you, you said what was in my heart. You told David that I couldn't say goodbye to him, it was very sad." The Alsatian got dressed, Lucien had already closed the gate, and walked across the boulevard of the Rue des Beaux-Arts towards the Charente River.He was dressed as if he were going to a banquet, and he was going to wear Parisian clothes and a dandy's smart outfit for the coffin.Cobb listened to Lucien's tone of voice and the last few words, startled in his heart, and wanted to ask the hostess if she knew her brother was leaving, and if he had said goodbye to her; he found the room was silent, and only thought that Lucien's going out was discussed by everyone Yes, and fell asleep again.