Chapter 26 Chapter Twenty-Four

I dressed and got up, thinking over what had happened, wondering if it was a dream.Until I saw Mr. Rochester again, and heard him repeat those words and promises, I could not be sure that they were true. I looked at my face in the mirror as I brushed my hair and felt that it was no longer ordinary.There was hope in the countenance, life in the countenance, and the eyes seemed to see the source of the fruit, and borrowed the light from the dazzling ripples.I have always been reluctant to look at my master, for fear that my glance should offend him.But now I'm sure I can look up at his face, and my expression won't cool his heart.I took a plain and clean thin summer dress from a drawer and put it on.There never seemed to be a dress that fit as well as this one, for none was worn in such a mood of ecstasy.

I ran downstairs and into the hall, where the stormy night had been replaced by a sunny June morning.Through the open glass door, I felt a fresh and fragrant breeze, but I wasn't surprised.When I am extremely happy, nature must also be very happy.A beggar woman and her little boy--two pale, ragged creatures--came up the path, and I ran down, and gave them all I had--about three or four shillings, at least they All have to share my joy.The rooks croaked, and there were livelier birds, but my heart sang sweeter than any. To my astonishment, Mrs. Fairfax said, looking out of the window sadly, "Miss Eyre, would you please come to breakfast?" and said very gravely, while she ate in cold silence.But then I couldn't solve the mystery for her.I had to wait for my master to explain, so she had to wait too.I managed to eat a little, and hurried upstairs, where I met Adele leaving the study.

"Where are you going? It's time for class." "Mr. Rochester has sent me to the nursery." "Where is he?" "There it is," she pointed to the room she had just left.I walked in there, and it turned out that he was standing inside. "Come on, say good morning to me," he said.I walked forward happily.What I encountered this time was not just a cold word or a handshake, but hugs and kisses.He loved me so much and soothed me, so graciously and naturally. "Jane, you are so radiant and smiling and very beautiful," he said. "This morning is really beautiful. Is this my pale elf? Isn't this my little mustard seed?" Isn't it the one with the dimpled face, bright red lips, satiny chestnut hair, hazel eyes radiant, and full face? Cheerful little girl? (My eyes, reader, are blue, but you'll have to pardon him for his mistake, for him they have taken on a new color.)

"I am Jane Eyre, sir." "It's going to be Jane Rochester soon," he added. "In four weeks, Janet, not a day more, do you hear?" I hear it, but I don't understand it, it makes me dizzy.The feeling his proclamation aroused in me was something stronger than joy—something that knocks you down and stupefies you.I think it's bordering on fear. "You blushed just now, and now you are pale, Jane. Why is that?" "Because you gave me a new name—Jane Rochester, and it sounds very strange." "Yes, Mrs. Rochester," said he, "young Mrs. Rochester—the maiden bride of Fairfax Rochester."

"That will never, sir, sound unlikely. In this world, human beings can never enjoy absolute happiness. I was not born with a different fate from my own kind. Only in fairy tales, in daydreams, Only then can I imagine such a fate befalling me." "I can and will realize such a dream, and I will start today. I have written to the bank agent in London this morning to send him some jewels entrusted to his custody - heirlooms of the ladies of Thornfield. I Hopefully, in a day or two, it will be in your pocket, and all the privileges and attention I give to a noble girl, if I should marry her, will be yours."

"Oh, sir!—don't mention jewels! I don't like talking about jewels. Jewels sound unnatural and queer to Jane Eyre, and I'd rather not have them." "I myself would put a diamond necklace about your neck, and a headband on your brow—it would look very well suited, for Nature at least has stamped her own nobility upon this brow, Jane. And I Will press bracelets on slender wrists and rings on fairy fingers." "No, no, sir, think about something else, talk about something else, talk about it in a different tone. Don't talk to me like a beauty, I'm just your average, Quaker-like tutor."

"In my eyes, you are a beauty. A beauty to be desired--delicate and ethereal." "Small and insignificant, you mean. You're dreaming, sir—or it's meant to be a joke. For God's sake, don't be sarcastic!" "I want the whole world to admit that you're a beauty," he went on, and I was really disturbed by the way he said it, feeling that he was either deceiving himself or deliberately deceiving me. "I will dress my Jane Eyre in satin and lace, and put roses in her hair, and I will put a priceless veil over my favorite head." "Then you won't know me, sir. I'm no longer your Jane Eyre, but a monkey in a buffoon's costume—a starling with other people's feathers. It's better to see you, Mr. Rochester, in a costume." adorned, and myself in the gowns of a court lady. Sir, I did not say that you are beautiful, though I love you very much, too much, to flatter you. You do not flatter me."

However, despite my objections, he clung to the topic. "I'm taking you up to Millcote in a carriage today, and you'll have some clothes for yourself. As I told you, we'll be married in four weeks. The wedding will be low-key, in that church down there." .Then I'll send you to the city at once with a gust of wind. After a short stay, I'll take my darling to the sunny places, to the vineyards of France and the plains of Italy. She's the one of all recorded sights throughout the ages. You have to look at it; you should also taste the city scenery. You have to compare it fairly with others, so that she can know her worth."

"I'm going on a trip?—with you, sir?" "You shall live in Paris, Rome, and Naples, and Florence, Venice, and Vienna. Wherever I have roamed, you shall walk again; where my horse's hooves go, you elf shall tread too .Ten years ago, I traveled almost like a madman all over Europe with only loathing, hatred and anger for company. Now I'm revisiting the old place, cured of disease, cleansed of soul, and a true angel Give me comfort and swim with me." I laughed at him for talking like that. "I am not an angel," I asserted, "and will not be until I die. I am myself. Mr. Rochester, you should not expect or demand heavenly things from me. You will not have them, as I Can't get one from you, and I don't expect any of it."

"Then what do you expect from me?" "In the short term, you may be as you are now—for a short time, then you'll calm down, you'll be erratic, you'll be tough again, and I'll have to do my best to keep you happy, but not until you're completely like me. Get used to it, and you might like me again—I say like me, not love me. I guess six months, or less, and your love will be gone, in a book written by a man , I note, that is the longest period a husband's ardor can last. But after all, as a friend and companion, I hope never to be too distasteful to my dear master."

"Hate? Like you again! I think I'll like you again and again. I'll make you admit that I not only like you, but I love you—true, passionate, and consistent." "You stop repeating yourself, sir?" "I am a real devil to those women who attract me by their looks alone, as soon as I discover that they have neither soul nor conscience--as soon as they show me dullness, shallowness, and perhaps stupidity, vulgarity, and irascibility. But To those who have sharp eyes and quick mouth, to those who are fiery in heart, to those who are both submissive and stable, both tame and strong, bendable but inflexible—I will always be gentle and sincere.” "Have you ever met such a character, sir? Have you ever fallen in love with such a character?" "I love it now." "What about me before, if I really met your strict standards in every way?" "I have never met anyone like you, Jane, you delight me. You captivate me,--you seem submissive, and I like the way you seem to bend. I put a bundle of soft silk , as I circled my fingers, a shudder surged from my arm to my heart. I was infected—I was conquered. The sweetness of this infection is beyond me to express, and the charm of this feeling of being conquered is far from Better than any I've ever won. Why are you smiling, Jane? What's the meaning of that inexplicable, uncanny change in your expression?" "I'm thinking, sir (you'll forgive me for the thought, a spontaneous thought), that I'm thinking of Hercules, and Samson, and the beauties that charmed them." "That's what you think, you little elf—" "Hey, sir! Just as the gentlemen's behavior was not wise, so was what you just said. But if they had been married, there is no doubt that they would put on a serious husband's face and no longer As tender as water when I proposed marriage, I am afraid that you will be the same. If I ask you to do something that is inconvenient or unpleasant to you a year later, I don’t know how you will answer me. " "Just say one thing now, Jane—even a little thing, I long to beg you—" "Really, I will, sir. I'm ready to ask." "Say it! But if you look up and smile in that way, I'll give you what you're asking for, and I'll be fooled." "Absolutely not, sir. I have only one request, and that is that no jewels be sent, and that my hair not be covered with roses, and that you might as well put a gold border on your plain handkerchief." "I might as well 'set gold on solid gold.' Well, you just asked me to take back the gift. Try again." "Well, then, sir. Please satisfy my curiosity which I have so much aroused on a certain subject." He looked disturbed. "What? What?" he asked hastily. "Curiosity is a dangerous supplicant: it's a good thing I didn't swear to every one of your requests—" "But there is no danger in complying with the request, sir." "Go ahead, Jane. But I hope it's not just an inquiry—a secret, perhaps, but a wish for half my fortune." "Oh, King Ahasuerus! What would I want half your estate for? Do you think I'm a Jewish usurer to invest in the land. I'd rather have a heart to heart with you if you've promised to open your heart to me , then you won’t keep me from knowing your secret.” "All secrets worth knowing, Jane, you are welcome to know. But for God's sake, don't pursue useless burdens! Don't yearn for poison—don't become a perfect Eve in my charge!" "Why not, sir? You told me just now how glad you are to be conquered by me, how much you enjoy being coerced by me, don't you think I might as well take advantage of your confession and start coaxing, please— When necessary, you can even cry and cry, and put on a straight face—just to test my strength?" "See if you dare to do such an experiment. Step by step and act recklessly, then everything will be over." "Have you, sir? You've changed your mind very quickly. What a stern look you have now! Your brows are as thick as my fingers, and your brow is like a 'dark cloud' as some startling poems describe it." Overlapping thunder. 'I suppose that's your married look, sir?' "If you look like that when you're married, a Christian like me would give up the idea of ​​hanging out with nothing but a goblin or a water-snake at once. But what do you want, man?—tell me?" "Look, I'm not even polite now, and I like rashness better than flattery. I'd rather be a chap than an angel. All I should ask is—why do you take such pains to make me believe that you hope To marry Miss Ingram?" "Is that all? Thank God, it's not too bad!" At this moment, he loosened his thick black brows, smiled at me with his head down, and stroked my hair, as if he was very grateful to see that he had escaped the danger. "I think it's better to be frank," he went on. "Although I'm going to make you angry, Jane—I saw what a fiery demon you would be when you were angry. Last night in the cool moonlight, when you rebelled against fate and claimed my equality, your Your countenance glows. Janet, by the way, you yourself suggested that to me." "Of course I am, but please don't look around, sir—Miss Ingram." "Well, I pretended to propose to Miss Ingram because I wished to drive you mad as he would suffer with me, as much as I love you, and I understand that jealousy is the best ally I can summon to achieve my goal .” "Excellent! You are small now--nothing bigger than the tip of my little finger. It's a shame, the very thought is shameful, and don't you think Miss Ingram's feelings at all, sir?" "Her feelings are centered on one point—vainness. That needs to be repressed. Are you jealous, sir?" "Never mind, Mr. Rochester. You don't care to know that. Answer me honestly again, don't you think your dishonorable flirtations will pain Miss Ingram? Don't she feel abandoned?" "Impossible!—I told you that, on the contrary, she deserted me, and her zeal plummeted to nothing at the thought of my inability to pay her debts." "You have a strange and calculating mind, Mr. Rochester. I am afraid that in some respects your rules of life are contrary to common sense." "My rules have never been adjusted, Jane. Mistakes are bound to occur through want of care." "Again, seriously, can I enjoy the great happiness promised to me, without the fear of others suffering as I have just suffered?" "You may, my dear girl. There is no one else in the world who loves me as purely as you do—for I have stuck to my heart that happy ointment, which is the confidence in your love. superior." I turned my lips and kissed the hand on my shoulder.I love him so deeply - so deeply that I can hardly believe I can express it - so deeply that no words can express it. "Make more demands," he said at once. "I'm happy to be asked and to make concessions." I'm ready to request again. "Speak to Mrs. Fairfax of your intentions. She was taken aback at seeing me in the hall with you last night. Explain to her before I see her. Misunderstanding such a fine woman is always difficult." I suffer." "Go to your own room, and put on your hat," he answered. "I want you to come with me up to Millcote in the morning. I'll make the old lady open while you're getting ready. Does she think, Janet, that you've given everything for love, completely Is it worth the loss?" "I believe she thought I had forgotten my place, and yours, sir." "Status! Status!—Now, or from now on, your status is in my heart, tightly stuck around the necks of those who want to insult you—go!" I dressed quickly, and hurried downstairs to Mrs Fairfax's drawing-room as soon as I heard Mr. Rochester leave it.The old lady was reading her morning passage from the Bible—the day's lesson.There is an open Bible in front of him, and a pair of glasses are placed on the Bible.After her busy business was interrupted by Mr. Rochester's announcement, she seemed to have forgotten at the moment.Her eyes, fixed on the empty wall opposite, expressed the astonishment of a calm mind excited by rare news.After seeing me, she came back to her senses, forced a smile, and composed a few words of congratulations.But her smile subsided, and her words stopped halfway through.She put on her glasses, closed her Bible, and pushed her chair away from the table. "I am so amazed," she began, "that I don't know what to say to you, Miss Eyre. I am sure I am not dreaming, am I? Sometimes I doze off half-sleeping just sitting by myself." , dreamed of things that never happened. During my nap, I seemed more than once to see my dear husband who died ten years ago, come into the house, sit down beside me, and I even listened to him as he used to Same name Alice. Well, can you tell me, has Mr. Rochester actually proposed to you? Don't laugh at me, but I really think he came in five minutes ago and said, a month You will be his wife from now on." "He said the same thing as I did," I replied. "He said the same thing as I did," I replied. "He said it! Do you believe him? Do you accept it?" "yes." She looked at me in bewilderment. "It's absolutely unexpected. He is a very proud person. People in the Rochester family are very proud, at least his father valued money very much, and he is often said to be very cautious. Does he mean to marry you?" "He told me so." She looked me over from head to toe, and I knew from her eyes that they found no charm in me to solve the mystery. "It's just beyond my comprehension!" she continued. "But since you say so, there is no doubt that it is true. How it will turn out, I cannot say. I really don't know. It is often wise to be equal in position and property in such matters. Besides There is a twenty-year age difference between the two of you, and he could almost be your father." "No, really, Mrs. Fairfax!" I exclaimed annoyedly. "He's nothing like my father! No one who sees us together would think so. Mr. Rochester still looks very young." , like some twenty-five-year-olds." "Did he really marry you because he loved you?" she asked. Her indifference and suspicion made me very sad, and tears welled up in my eyes. "I'm sorry to break your heart," the widow went on, "but you are so young and have so little contact with men, I hope to put you on guard. The old saying 'not all that shines is gold', and in this respect , I am worried that something unexpected will happen to you and me." "Why? Am I a monster?" said I. "Is it impossible for Mr. Rochester to really love me?" "No, you are very well, and have improved a lot lately. I think Mr. Rochester is very fond of you. I have been noticing that you seem to be in his favour, and sometimes think of you, and I am troubled by his apparent preference, and wish Be on your guard, but I don't even want to suggest that something could happen, I know the thought will surprise you and perhaps offend you. You are so prudent, so humble, so reasonable, and I hope I can rely on you to protect myself. I cannot express my pain when I searched the whole house last night and saw neither you nor the master, and then saw you coming in with him at twelve o'clock." "Well, forget about it now," I interrupted impatiently, "everything is fine, that's enough." "I hope it all goes well," she said, "but. Believe me, you'd better be careful. Try to keep Mr. Rochester at a distance, neither too sure nor too sure of him, a gentleman of his stature is Not used to marrying governesses." I was really pissed off, but Adele came running in. "Let me go—let me go to Millcote!" she cried. "Mr. Rochester refuses to let me go. The new carriage is obviously empty. I beg him to let me go, miss." "I will, Adele," I hastened away with her, glad to escape from the discouraged watcher.The carriage is ready to stop.They made a detour and parked it at the front door, and Pilot followed him back and forth as my master paced the gravel path. "Will Adele come with us, sir?" "I told her, no, I don't want a little girl—I just want you." "Please let her go anyway, Mr. Rochester, it will be better." "No, she'll get in the way." His voice was sharp.I thought of Mrs. Fairfax's chilling warnings and dampening doubts, and my hopes were clouded with illusory mist.I lost half of the feeling that I could control him.I was about to obey him mechanically, without any further persuasion, when he helped me into the carriage and looked into my face. , "What's the matter?" he answered. "The sun is gone. Do you really want the child to go? Would you be unhappy if you took her down?" "I should like her to go, sir." "Then go and put on your hat, and come back as fast as lightning!" he called to Adele. She followed his orders as quickly as possible. "It doesn't hurt to disturb a morning after all," he said. "Anyway, I'm about to have you—your thoughts, your conversations, your company—forever and ever." As soon as Adele was carried into the carriage, she began to kiss me in gratitude for my intercession.She was quickly hidden in a corner by his side.She then glanced furtively toward where I was sitting, so restrained by the seriousness of a neighbor.He has an impetuous temper right now, so even if she saw something, she didn't dare to speak in a low voice, and even if she wanted to know something, she didn't dare to ask him. "Let her come to me," I begged. "Maybe she'll get in your way, sir, I've got a lot of room here." He handed her over like a dog on his lap. "I'm going to take her to school," he said, now with a smile on his face. Adele asked him if he went to school "sans mademoiselle?" "Yes," he answered, "exactly 'sans mademoiselle,' for I will take Mademoiselle to the moon, and I will find a cave in a white valley on top of a volcano, and Mademoiselle will live there with me, and only with me. one person." "She'll have nothing to eat, and you'll starve her," said Adele. "I'll gather the manna for her day and night. The plains on the moon and the white fields on the mountain sides are full of manna, Adele." "She has to keep herself warm. What kind of fire will she use?" "Fire will erupt from Mount Moon. When she is cold, I will take her to the top of the mountain and lay her on the edge of the crater." "Oh, quelle y sera mal peu confortable! And her clothes, they will wear out, where can I get new ones?" Mr. Rochester confessed that he could not understand either. "Hmph!" said he, "what would you do, Adele? Use your brains and think of a way of dealing with it. What do you think of a white cloud, or a pink cloud for a robe? A rainbow for a strip." More than enough scarves." "Then she is much better off now," asserted Adele, after a moment's thought. "Besides, she'd be bored to live with you only on the moon. If I were a lady, I'd never agree to go with you." "She has agreed and made a promise." "But you can't get her there, there's no road to the moon, it's all air. And neither you nor she can fly." "Look at the fields yonder, Adele." Now we were out of Thornfield Gate, and we were driving smoothly and briskly along the smooth road to Millcote, the storm had washed the dust clean, and the sides of the road The low hedges and the tall and straight trees, green after the rain, are extraordinarily fresh. "Over there in the field, Adele, I wandered late one night a fortnight ago--the night you helped me to dry the hay in the orchard meadow. I was raking the hay and was not tired, So I lay down on a haystack to rest for a while. At that time, I took out a small book and a pencil, and began to write about the misfortune that befell me a long time ago, and my yearning for a happy life in the future. I wrote very quickly, But the sun was fading from the leaves when something came down the path and stopped two yards from me. I looked at it and it was a thing with a gauze over its head. I greeted It approached me, and it quickly stood on my lap. I didn't talk to it, and it didn't talk to me. I guessed its eyes, and it guessed mine. There was no sound between us. The conversation roughly goes something like this: 'It's a pixie, from Fairyland,' it said.Its errand is to make me happy, and I must leave the world with it, to some untouched place—say, on the moon—and it nods toward the crescent moon rising from Hay Hill.It told me we could live in plaster caves and silver valleys.I said I wanted to go, but I reminded it like you just reminded it that I don't have wings and I can't fly. '" "'Oh,' replied the Elf, 'that is all right! Here is a talisman that will remove all obstacles.' She handed him a beautiful gold ring. 'Put it on', 'on the fourth of my left hand On one finger, I belong to you, and you belong to me. We will leave the earth and build our own world over there.' She nodded again to the moonlight. Adele, this ring is in my trouser pocket , into a guinea piece, but I want it to be a ring again soon." "But what does that have to do with the lady? I don't care for elves, didn't you say it was the lady you were taking to the moon—?" "Miss is an elf," he whispered mysteriously.So I told her to forget about his jokes.And she displayed a richly French skepticism, calling Mr. Rochester "unvrai menteur," making it clear to him that she cared nothing for his "Contes de fees," and saying, "du reste, il ny avait pas defees, et quand meme il y en avait", she was sure they would never appear before him, nor give him a ring, or propose to live with him on the moon. The time spent at Millcote was somewhat torturous.Mr. Rochester made me go to a silk warehouse, and there ordered me to choose six dresses.I hate this and ask for a delay.No - it has to be done now.It was only after I begged desperately in his ear that the six items were reduced to two.Yet he vowed to pick out some clothes himself.I watched anxiously as his eyes wandered among the colorful shops, and finally fell on a piece of rich and rich amethyst silk and a piece of high-quality pink satin.I whispered to him again, that it would be better to buy me a gold robe and a silver hat at once.I certainly would never venture to wear his choice of clothes.It was with great difficulty (for he was as stubborn as a rock) that I persuaded him to change to a plain black satin and pearl gray silk. "That's enough for now," he said.But he wants me to look as bright as a flowerbed. I'm glad I left a silk warehouse and then a jewelry store.The more he bought me, the more my cheeks burned with resentment and depravity.I got into the carriage again, leaned back and sat down, my heart was hot and my body was exhausted.Then it occurred to me that, with the passing of the days of light and of darkness, I had quite forgotten my uncle John.Loved writing to Mrs. Reed, forgetting his plan to adopt me as heir to his estate. "If I had a little independent property," I thought, "I'd be quite right, really. I can't bear Mr. Rochester to dress me up like a doll, or sit like a second Danae, and let Gold rains all over me. I shall write to Madrid as soon as I get home to tell my Uncle John that I am getting married and with whom. If I can hope to bring Mr. Well endured now by him." With some relief in my heart at this thought (an idea which did not materialize that day), I boldly met the eyes of my master and lover again.Although I avoided his face and gaze, his gaze searched mine persistently.He smiled.I think his smile is that of a sultan, in a moment of joy and affection, bestowing upon his slaves whom he has just gifted with gold and silver.His hand was always looking for mine, and I squeezed it hard, throwing back the hand that was red with passion. "You don't have to put on that face," I said. "If you do, I'll always wear nothing but my old Lowood school coat. I'll wear that lavender gingham suit to my wedding—you can make it yourself from pearl-gray silk. A nightgown, and numerous vests made of black satin." He chuckled, rubbing his hands together. "Oh, it's interesting to see her like that, and to hear her talk!" he exclaimed. "Isn't she rare? Isn't she very hot? I don't want to exchange this little English girl for all the concubines in the Turkish queen's palace, even if they have the eyes of antelope and the body of a goddess!" This oriental metaphor stung me again. "I'm nothing compared to the concubines of your harem," I said, "so don't compare me to them, and if you like such things, go away, sir, to the markets of Istanbul at once, Put some of the cash you don't know how to happily spend here on big slave purchases." "Janet, what are you doing while I'm haggling over tons of meat and all kinds of black eyes?" "I will pack my bags and go out to be a missionary, preaching freedom to those who are enslaved - your Sannomiya and Liuyuan. I will enter the harem and stir up rebellion. Even if you are a three-tailed pasha, in a blink of an eye, You will be put in chains by our people, and unless you sign a charter, the most lenient charter ever issued by a despot, at least I won't consent to breaking the chains." "I agree to be at your mercy, and I hope you will be kind, Jane." "If you plead with that look, Mr. Rochester, I won't do it. I'm sure if you put on that face, whatever charter you're compelled to agree to, you'll do what you're going to do when you're released." The first thing is to break the terms of the charter." "Why, Jane, what do you want? I'm afraid you must have another wedding in private, in addition to the altar ceremony. I can see that you will impose some special conditions--what are they?" ?” "I want peace of mind, sir, and not to be overwhelmed by overwhelming favors. Do you remember what you said about Celina Varan?—about the diamonds and Wool? I will not be your English Celina Warren. I will continue to be Adele's governess, earning my board and lodging, and thirty pounds a year, which I will use to buy my own Clothes, you don't have to give me anything, except..." "Oh, except what?" "Your respect. And I return mine, and the debt is settled." "Hey, you're unrivaled in your disrespectful nature and chronic excesses of self-esteem," he said.By this time we were approaching Thornfield. "Would you like to dine with me today?" he asked as we pulled through the gate again. "No, thank you, sir." "Why 'No, thank you?' if I may ask." "I've never dined with you, sir. I don't see any reason to do it now until then." "Wait until what? You like to hesitate." "Until I have to." "You imagine that I eat like a man-eating devil, a corpse-eating ghost, so you are afraid to eat with me?" "I have no idea of ​​that, sir, but I would like to live another month as usual." "You should give up the drudgery of governess at once." "Really: excuse me, sir, I will not give up. I will live my life as usual, I will not see you all day as usual, and if you want to see me in the evening, you can send for me, and I will come, but other times no." "In this case, Jane, I would like to have a cigarette, or a pinch of snuff, to comfort myself, 'pour me donner une contenance' as Adele would say. But the trouble is that I have neither cigars烟盒，也没有带鼻烟壶。不过听着——悄悄同你说——现在你春风得意，小暴君，不过我很快就会时来运转。有朝一日牢牢抓住了你，我就会——打个比方——把你象这样拴在一根链条上（摸了摸他的表链），紧紧捆住不放。是的，美丽的小不点儿，我要把你揣在怀里，免得丢掉了我的宝贝。” 他一边说一边扶我走下了马车，当他随后去抱阿黛勒下来时，我乘机进了屋，溜到了楼上。 傍晚时他按时把我叫了去。我早已准备了事儿让他干，因为我决不想整个晚上跟他这么促膝谈心。我记得他的嗓子很漂亮，还知道他喜欢唱歌——好歌手一般都这样。我自己不会唱歌，而且按他那种苛刻的标准，我也不懂音乐。但我喜欢听出色的表演。黄昏薄暮的浪漫时刻，刚把星光闪烁的蓝色旗帜降到窗格上，我便立起身来，打开钢琴，求他一定得给我唱个歌。他说我是个捉摸不透的女巫，他还是其他时候唱好，但我口口声声说没有比现在更合适了。 他问我，喜欢他的嗓子么？ “很喜欢，”我本不乐意纵容他敏感的虚荣心，但只那么一次，又出于一时需要，我甚至会迎合和怂恿这样的虚荣心。 “那么，简，你得伴奏。” “很好，先生，我可以试试。” 我的确试了试。但立即被赶下了琴凳，而且被称作“笨手笨脚的小东西。”他把我无礼地推到了一边一—这正中我下怀—一，抢占了位置，开始为自己伴奏起来，因为他既能唱又能弹。我赶紧走向窗子的壁龛，坐在那里，眺望着沉寂的树木和昏暗的草地，听他以醇厚的嗓音，和着优美的旋律，唱起了下面的歌： 从燃烧着的心窝， 感受到了最真诚的爱， 把生命的潮流， 欢快地注进每根血管。 每天，她的来临是我的希望， 她的别离是我的痛苦。 她脚步的偶尔延宕， 使我的每根血管成了冰窟。 我梦想，我爱别人，别人爱我， 是一种莫名的幸福。 朝着这个目标我往前疾走，心情急切，又十分盲目。 谁知在我们两个生命之间， 横亘着无路的广漠。 白茫茫湍急而又危险， 犹如翻江倒海的绿波。 犹如盗贼出没的小路， 穿过山林和荒漠。 强权和公理，忧伤和愤怒， 使我们的心灵两相隔膜。 艰难险阻，我毫不畏惧，种种凶兆，我敢于蔑视。 一切骚扰、警告和威胁， 我都漠然处置。 我的彩虹如闪电般疾驰， 我在梦中飞翔。 光焰焰横空出世， 我眼前是阵雨和骄阳。 那温柔庄严的欢欣， 仍照耀着灰暗苦难的云雾。 尽管阴森险恶的灾难已经逼近，这会儿我已毫不在乎。 在这甜蜜的时刻我已无所顾忌， 虽然我曾冲破的一切险阻， 再度展翅迅猛袭击， 宣布要无情地报复。 尽管高傲的憎恨会把我击倒， 公理不容我上前分辩。 残暴的强权怒火中烧， 发誓永与我不共戴天。 我的心上人带着崇高的信赖， 把她的小手放在我的手里。 宣誓让婚姻的神圣纽带，把我们两人紧系在一起。 我的心上人用永不变心的一吻， 发誓与我生死同受。 我终于得到了莫名的幸福， 我爱别人—一别人也爱我。 他立起身，向我走来。我见他满脸都燃烧着热情的火焰，圆圆的鹰眼闪闪发光，脸上充溢着温柔与激情。我一时有些畏缩—一但随后便振作起来了。柔情蜜意的场面，大胆露骨的表示，我都不希望发生。但两种危险我都面临着。我必须准备好防患的武器——我磨尖了舌头，待他一走近我，便厉声问道，他现在要跟谁结婚呢？ “我的宝贝简提出了这么个怪问题。” “真的！我以为这是个很自然很必要的问题，他已经谈起未来的妻子同他一起死，他这个异教徒念头是什么意思？我可不想与他一起死一—他尽可放心。” “呵，他所向往，他所祈祷的是你与他一块儿活！死亡不是属于像你这样的人。” “自然也是属于我的，我跟他一样，时候一到，照样有权去死。但我要等到寿终正寝，而不是自焚殉夫，匆匆了此一生。” “你能宽恕他这种自私的想法，给他一个吻，表示原谅与和解吗？” “不，我宁可免了。” 这时我听见他称我为“心如铁石的小东西，”并且又加了一句“换了别的女人，听了这样的赞歌，心早就化了。” 我明确告诉他，我生就了硬心肠——硬如铁石，他会发现我经常如此。何况我决计在今后的四周中，让他看看我性格中倔强的一面。他应当完全明白，他订的是怎样的婚约，趁现在还来得及的时候把它取消。 “你愿意平心静气，合情合理说话吗？” “要是你高兴，我会平心静气的，至于说话合情合理，那我不是自吹，我现在就是这么做的。” 他很恼火，嘴里呸呀啐的。“很好，”我想，“你高兴光火就光火，烦躁就烦躁吧，但我相信，这是对付你的最好办法。尽管我对你的喜欢，非言语所能表达，但我不愿落入多情善感的流俗，我要用这巧辩的锋芒，让你悬崖勒马。除此之外，话中带刺，有助于保持我们之间对彼此都很有利的距离。” 我得寸进尺，惹得他很恼火，随后趁他怒悻悻地退到屋子另一头的时候，站起来象往常那样自自然然、恭恭敬敬地说了声“祝你晚安，先生，”便溜出边门走掉了。 这方式开了一个头，我便在整个观察期坚持下来了，而且大获成功。当然他悻悻然有些发火，但总的说来，我见他心情挺不错。而绵羊般的顺从，斑鸠似的多情，倒反而既会助长他的专横，又不能象现在这样取悦他的理智，满足他的常识，甚至投合他的趣味。 别人在场的时候，我照例显得恭敬文雅，其他举动都没有必要。只有在晚上交谈时，才那么冲撞他，折磨他。他仍然那么钟一敲七点便准时把我叫去，不过在他跟前时，他不再满嘴“亲爱的”、“恶毒的精灵”、“宝贝儿”那样的甜蜜称呼了。用在我身上最好的字眼是“令人恼火的木偶”、“小妖精”、“小傻瓜”等等。如今我得到的不是抚慰，而是鬼脸；不是紧紧握手，而是拧一下胳膊；不是吻一下脸颊，而是使劲拉拉耳朵。这倒不错。眼下我确实更喜欢这种粗野的宠爱，而不喜欢什么温柔的表露。我发现费尔法克斯太太也赞成，而且已不再为我担忧了，因此我确信自己做得很对。与此同时，罗切斯特先生却口口声声说我把他折磨得皮包骨头了，并威胁在即将到来的某个时期，对我现在的行为狠狠报复。他的恫吓，我暗自觉得好笑。“现在我可以让你受到合乎情理的约束，”我思忖道，“我并不怀疑今后还能这么做，要是一种办法失效了，那就得另外再想出一种来。” 然而，我的担子毕竟并不轻松，我总是情愿讨他喜欢而不是捉弄他。我的未婚夫正成为我的整个世界，不仅是整个世界，而且几乎成了我进入天堂的希望。他把我和一切宗教观念隔开，犹如日蚀把人类和太阳隔开一样。在那些日子里，我把上帝的造物当作了偶像，并因为他，而看不见上帝了。