Chapter 18 Seventh Tuesday - Talking about the Fear of Aging

Murray lost the contest.Someone has to scrub his ass now. He faced this reality with a characteristic courage.When he was unable to scrub himself after using the toilet, he told Connie this latest development. "would you be embarrassed to ask you to scrub me?" She said no. I thought he was unusual because it was Connie who he turned to first. It's not something you get used to right away, Morrie admits, because in a sense it's a total surrender to the disease.Now he has been deprived of the right to do even the most private and basic things—going to the toilet, wiping his nose, and scrubbing his body. Except for breathing and swallowing, he has to rely on others for almost everything.

I ask Murray how he stays optimistic. "Mitch, this is funny," he said. "I'm an independent person, so I'm always fighting against it all inside - being dependent on the car, having people dress me, etc. I have a sense of shame because our culture tells us that if you can't scrub your own ass , you should be ashamed. But then I thought, forget about the culture that feeds us. I spent most of my life ignoring the culture. I don't need to be ashamed. What does it matter? "You know what? It's so weird," what is it "I feel the joy of being dependent. Now I enjoy when they turn me over and rub cream on my back to prevent breakouts. When they wipe my face or massage my legs, I I also feel very useful, I will close my eyes and revel in it. Everything seems to be normal.

"It's like going back to being a baby all over again. Someone to bathe you, someone to hold you, someone to scrub you. We all go through being kids and it stays in the back of your brain. For me, it's just Just reminiscing about the fun I had as a child. "In fact, when mothers cuddle us, rock us, touch us—none of us thinks too much of that pampering, in a way, we yearn to go back to being fully cared for—that's A kind of unreserved love, unreserved care. Many people lack this love. "I am." I looked at Morrie and suddenly understood why he liked it when I leaned over to straighten his microphone, lift his pillow, or wipe his eyes.human contact.At seventy-eight years old, he gives like an adult and receives like a child.

Later that day, we talked about age and aging.Or speaking of the fear of aging -- another one that's on my list of issues that have plagued my generation.I was driving here from the Boston airport and noticed a lot of billboards with nice men and women.A handsome cowboy smoking a cigarette, two beautiful girls smiling at shampoo, a sultry girl in unbuttoned jeans, a sensual woman in a black velvet dress and a tuxedo Man snuggled up to glass of scotch. I've never seen a model older than thirty-five on a billboard.I told Morrie that although I tried my best to stay at the peak of Huanian, I already had the feeling of the twilight scene of mulberry and elm.I exercise regularly, watch my diet, and check in the mirror for spontaneity.I went from being quite proud of my age—because I thought I was a successful young man—to being unwilling to mention my age, fearing that I would no longer have a sense of career accomplishment after reaching the prime of life.

Murray sees age in a more unique light. "That's because people put too much emphasis on the value of being young — a value that I don't buy," he said. "I know that being young can also be a kind of distress, so don't show off the charm of youth to me. Those children who come to me have their troubles: contradictions, confusion, immaturity, tiredness of living, and some even want to commit suicide... "Also, young people are not wise enough. Their understanding of life is very limited. If you don't know anything about life, are you willing to live day by day? When people are influencing you and telling you that wearing this perfume can You tend to believe it when you're beautiful, or you can be sexy in these jeans. It's all bullshit."

Have you ever been afraid of getting old?I asked. "Mitch, I'm happy to be old." Willing to accept? "It's simple. As you get older, you experience more. If you stay at twenty-two, you'll always be twenty-two. You know, aging isn't Decay. It's maturity. Being close to death isn't necessarily a bad thing, it has a very positive side when you realize that fact, and you live better for it." Yeah, I said, but if getting old is so valuable, why do people keep saying, "Oh, I wish I were younger." You never hear people say, "I wish I were sixty-five gone."

he laughed. "You know what it reflects? Life is not fulfilling, life is not fulfilling, life is meaningless. Because once you find meaning in life, you don't want to go back. You want to move on. You want to See more, do more. You want to experience what it's like to be sixty-five. "Listen, there's a philosophy you should know. All young people should know this philosophy. If you're always unwilling to grow old, you'll never be happy, because you're going to grow old eventually. "Mickey?" He lowered his voice. "The truth is, you're always going to die."

I nod. "It doesn't depend on what you say to yourself." I know. He closed his eyes calmly, and then asked me to help him adjust the position of the pillow. His body needs to keep moving, otherwise it will be uncomfortable.He was sunken in the chaise longue piled high with white pillows, yellow sponges, and blue towels.At a glance, you'd think Morrie was being crated for shipping. "Thanks," he whispered to me as I moved the pillow. It's okay, I said. "Mitch, what are you thinking?" I hesitated.Well, I say.I was wondering how you don't envy young, healthy people at all.

"Oh, I guess I envy them." He closed his eyes. "I envy them that they can go to the health club, that they can go swimming, that they can dance. Especially the dance. But when the emotion comes, I feel it and then I leave it. Remember when I said detachment? Go. Say to yourself, this is jealousy, and I'm leaving it. And I'm leaving." He coughed again—a long, harsh cough—and he put a piece of paper in his hand to his mouth, spitting feebly.Sitting there, I felt so much stronger than him--what a ludicrous idea--I felt like I could lift him up and carry him on my shoulders like a sack of flour.I am ashamed of this superiority, since I am not at all superior to him in any other way.

Why are you not envious at all... "what?" I? he laughed. "Mitch, it's impossible for older people not to envy younger people, but the thing is you have to accept the status quo and enjoy yourself. It's a good time to be in your thirties. I had my thirties too, and I'm a Seventy-eight years old. "You should find all the good in your life now. The real stuff, looking back gives you a sense of competition, and age doesn't compete." He let out a long breath and lowered his eyes, as if watching his breath dissipate into the air. "Actually, I belong to different age groups. I'm a three-year-old, I'm a five-year-old; I'm a middle-aged thirty-seven-year-old, and I'm a middle-aged fifty. These age groups I've been through them all, and I know what they're like. I'm happy to be a kid when I should be a kid, and a wise old man when I should be. I'm happy to accept what nature has given All my power. I belong to any age, until now, can you understand?"

I nod. "I'm not going to envy your stage of life - because I've had it too." "Fate bowed to Countless species: only one endangers itself. " --W. H. Auden morrie's favorite poet