Chapter 8 six

Father Viniamin, a true and pure priest, baptized me yesterday afternoon on a secluded altar in the church he presides over.He politely turned his head away, not looking at my sinful body, and at the same time sprinkled holy water on me. An old woman who worked as a handyman in the church, like a dandelion of God covered with iron needles, pulled away Elastic bands on my panties to keep the holy water in my privacy. Even though I was pregnant, I still looked like a little girl, only my breasts were heavy and hung like someone else's. Wearing a white dress with a thin belt, stretched white pantyhose on my legs, and a small blue scarf around my neck, I seemed to have wings, light and gentle, and flew out of the church. To the sun and the maples and the beggars, to the crosses and branches and black walls of the cemetery, to the smell of the unfertile autumn earth and the roar of the trains.As a daughter of the Orthodox Church and a meek believer, I declare to stop my little wars that violate the canon, and ask the forgiveness of the enemy. Whenever there is something, I come to ask Father Veniamin. He always has a kind of non-modern The fascinating divinity.I don't want to be against anyone, I don't want to blame anyone, I will become pure myself, even if I still sin, but I am now close to God, relying on God, all my doubts will quickly disappear dissipate.I have more faith today than I did yesterday!Tomorrow, I will have more faith than today!

Lidulla came, and she was very jealous.She wants to be baptized too, but I don't want to introduce her to Father Veniamin because she's immature. — Temptations are likely to become more alluring these days, — said Father Veniamin to me with a sigh. - You have to fight those temptations!Be vigilant! --I see! — I answered. It was no use for Lidulla to complain about me. Oh God!I don't know how to pray to you, forgive me, it's not my fault, no one taught me, my life has been spent far away from you, out of direction, disasters have arisen, so I get it, I have no one to turn to but you.I don't know if you really exist, although it's more likely that you did, because I'm very willing that you must have existed.If you don't exist, I'm praying to the void, then why are there so many people of all kinds, Russians and foreigners, handicapped and academicians, old women and younger people, from very early Have you been building churches, baptizing children, painting icons, and singing hymns since you were born?Is it all for nothing?impossible.I will never believe that it is all a continuum of deceit, a common short-sightedness that is suddenly ridiculed and belittled!

You can, of course, contradict me by saying that before I came to you, I was far away from you, and I used to indulge in all kinds of pleasures, singing and dancing.But isn't that bad?Can't you sing and dance?Can't there be faults?You might say: no!You may say: You are not living according to the rules written in the Gospel.But I don't know what rules are written in the Gospels.So what to do?Now when I die I have to go to hell and suffer forever?If so, how cruel and unfair it is!If there is a hell, that is to say, you don't exist! You're just scaring us about hell.Tell me, I guess right!But if I guess wrong, there is still hell, then please use God's will to cancel it, forgive the guilty people, many of them have been locked here for a long time, please declare Come on, stop hiding, why did you hide for so many centuries, you know, it is because of your hiding that people hesitate and hate each other!Give a signal now!

you are not willing?You think we are unworthy?If so, can you please explain, what is our purpose here and why do you want to create us to be such villains?No, if you made us such villains, then why are you complaining to us again?We are not at fault.We just want to live. Cancel hell, Lord, cancel today, cancel now!Otherwise, I will no longer believe in you!I make this request to you, not only because I am worried about myself, but also because no one can go to heaven, and because we can't go to heaven, let's go to heaven! ... Or, you just think, I'm afraid of Leonardic?Scared of his visit?Of course I'm afraid!It was because of my fear that I came to live with Lidulla, who also wanted to be baptized, but it was only for fashion, but she is not mature enough, please take my word for it!But if I'm afraid of him, it's not because he's scary: I just don't want to see him, and he, on the contrary, isn't a very scary person, only his nails are a little scary, but on the whole he's better than ever. I became more gentle, I panicked for a while and did stupid things, I was afraid of him, because I might not be able to support it, because, I only confess to you, I might accept his suggestion.What about this child, if I keep him, who is he?answer me!Will I be separated from him?But is this not the only witness to my life independent of life, to the fact that I am alive apart from life?

Wait, I haven't made up my mind yet, I beg you, if this is also under your control, in fact everything is under your control, you tell him not to come for a while, stop him, I beg you, let me decide, Please take away my fear! The prayers didn't go very well, and although I've never been a rowdy woman, I've never offended a married man once, but don't piss me off, or I'll fight back in the same way, I even slapped Dato's face, At that time, he had sex with a prostitute to anger me, although he was still vehemently denying it, it seems that they did not lie on the sofa and made those indecent gestures, as if I did not see it with my own eyes, I was ready to forgive Everything, put the blame on that greasy-haired bastard, that bastard had already approached him from the side of the stage, stared at his face, and said some empty gossip, the target of those gossips was obvious, so, I A warning to Dato: Look, I'm jealous!I won't let you go!I can't stand it! —and he put on a dazed face, perfunctorily, with the same dazed face, looking at me at the scene of his crime, as his father Vissarion had when he caught us both , At that time, I was ironing his shirt for this fool, but he rushed from behind, like a snow leopard, and found his position in one fell swoop!He stood there and sang Russian folk songs in his musical voice, and he sang them in English, which he liked to translate into English, and we laughed, but it wasn't exactly Dave. TO: This is the boy Volodechka, as tall as I am, but a very skilled boy, who is already in charge of doing business with foreign countries. I took vacations with him in Yalta and lived in a very luxurious In the hotel, an Englishman, the father of two, knocked on the door of my room No. 537 and offered to have sex with me. At this time, his wife was in a hurry in the foreign exchange bar downstairs, but I couldn't even eyelid Without lifting a finger, at this moment, Volodechka wanted to go on a trip and asked me to come, but I waved my hand and refused: what a big deal!I'm a flight attendant, I've been to many airports around the world, I've been to Somalia, I've been to Madagascar, I've been to Dakar and Tierra del Fuego, and I wanted to spit at his invitation, but he was hardly surprised , took my words seriously, he also flew through Dakar once, and this time he invited me to Tunisia: don't worry, everything there is the same as in the white world. ——I am considering whether to accept the invitation. Although he is as tall as me and six years younger than me, he is already very skilled, almost the same as Da Tuo, except that Da Tuo likes to mess around more. Take a few bites to make me happy, at this moment, when I have arrived at the scene of the crime, when his kind butt is shining with a symmetrical luster, he is still denying everything with a soldier-like stubbornness, although I've found the proof, and I'm asking that young goblin to go away! —Hey, you're not ashamed, girl!Are you not ashamed? —and she, without the least bit of embarrassment, went to the mirror to brush her greasy hair and put on makeup and grin, just as Dato and I did when Georgia's District Attorney Visa Leon's father broke in suddenly and said in a bass voice: Aha! ——I was ironing my clothes to the sound of music, because my Datuo is an international organist, as I said earlier, he is a violinist. , on tour forever, and always with a picture of me, taken with an instant camera, in a restaurant in Arkhangelskoye, on the outskirts of Moscow. After dinner, I looked drunk, I showed him the photo for some reason, and he said: Who is this person? —he pointed to a man he didn't know, and the man he didn't know had a sweet relaxed expression on his face, which is a look that men will show on such occasions.What the hell does it matter to you?I wanted to take it back, but he refused: let me keep it, put it in my wallet, and when your mother comes, I can still see it—so, I put it in my wallet, and I didn’t have time to snatch it, so, that The photo traveled half the world in various planes, to Somalia, to Madagascar, to Dakar and Tierra del Fuego, and became a city in Las Palmas Spain.The witness of the air crash of the century, but I said indifferently: the stewardess.Can you see my walking posture? —he saw it.In this way, I wandered all over Yalta with him, but Father Vissarion appeared at the door: Aha! ——But Dato didn't say a word. He is a very serious person. Although he is a Georgian, by the way, there are many serious people among Georgians. I can see this myself, but as soon as something happens, They're going to use their knives!Again, not everyone is like that, but the young goblin said "goodbye" and walked out the door with such shamelessness that I was even surprised and thought: wow, level!It’s shameless to not even wash it. At the concert, I asked Dato to turn his back to her, and he didn’t seem to see her, but when we got in the car and drove along Rustaveli Street, the road The street is great, the shops are open until midnight, and then I look: she is already sitting in our car, and Dato sits in the middle, between the two girls, like a gardener.No, I said, Dato, this is not okay, but they were already kissing: she was kissing his lips, crawling like a louse on his trousers.Turn around, dear!He couldn't free his hand, but turned around anyway.I hit him in the face, and he grabbed my hand: what are you doing?I said: Who are you comparing me to? ——and then, I took a bite!He even cried a few times because of grievances, with a nervous look, like many musicians, but he likes all kinds of weird ideas: he didn't tear up the photos, didn't yell with jealousy, on the contrary, he Putting that picture in his wallet, traveling the world with it, and as soon as she went out, he started denying everything, saying nothing happened.What do you mean nothing happened? !I even lost consciousness.And he sang:

Come, Marusia, bring a duck. We come to eat duck, we come to sleep. shut up!I say, Volodechka, you have to earn your dirty rights first!I would say the same thing about swearing, which I never used before, I always avoided as much as possible, thinking it was a sign of bad manners, but Keshuisha explained that when a word regains its original meaning, it has a certain advantage: this is called cool!The only people who never swear words are teachers, they don't know what "coolness" is at all.Yes, my Kreusha is right here, but why she cursed the French is a big secret, she went to America not long ago, and she said to me: it is worse there, there is no one at all Cultural peoples are like us, only richer, and they pride themselves on their sincerity.They say we're sincere, we're more sincere than anyone else, and we don't have complexes of all sorts, but, she says, there are so many sincere fools among them that it's like an epidemic.If she was to be believed, she could even breathe easier after flying back to Paris, Americans, she said, a loathsome people.Look at their fun! ... In Paris, she said, they were recognized two miles away.In the museum, they walk around like monkeys with headphones on.What kind of headphones are you wearing?I don't like what she said, the more I listen to it, the more I don't like it!You go to the queue, I said, run to the pharmacy to buy some cotton wool, I said, would you spend two hundred rubles for a pair of boots? —she was angry.She says I never stand in line and I can live without oranges: just cheese!This time it's my turn, and I also feel resentful: Keshuisha, don't touch the Americans!A dull people cannot go to the moon.Though, on the other hand, what about the headphones?It's a custom, she said, that you go to a museum and take a tour guide recorder, and the recorder babbles and you listen with headphones.And so, she explained, the Americans went from painting to painting, one after the other, like wind-up toys, with earphones on their heads.They frowned, with silly looks on their faces.The mechanical guide gave them the command: one step forward!They just take a step forward.Please approach the painting!They just approach the painting... stand back!Please take two steps back!They just back off... now to another showroom.Exhibition hall three.They walked towards Hall 3, leaving Hall 2 where they hadn't seen anything, because they were ordered to go directly to Hall 3.Look, aren't these all idiots?I'm angry for those people, I said, here, I don't see anything shameful except progress, I would wear that kind of headphones myself, thankfully, I memorized English in middle school, I can even Sing a folk song in English:

Come on, Marussia, bring a duck... See, he asked her to bring him a goose, goose, you know, a goose The protagonist mistook the English word for "duck" for "goose". ! "Let's eat", is to eat the goose, and then - the Englishman's eyes widened, his muscles tensed, he didn't understand humor, he blinked, smiled politely, and had no sense of humor No, but I say that a lot depends on the companion: if the companion is not bad, a folk song can sometimes even be a highly artistic work, which comes from the depths of folk life, because, I know from my own experience , folk life is a contradictory phenomenon, an inexhaustible phenomenon.There are some good aspects of civil life which lead me to patriotism (I am a patriot), but of course there are also some things which are utter failures.For example, the Jews say that our brains are dull, and that there is no more dull nation than us in the world.You got it!Our people are not very clever, especially in the country, where life is even below the poverty line, but on the other hand, if they live better and can eat oranges, walnuts and meat, the result will be different. how?The two Ivanovic brothers (they were journalists) once explained to me that even if people are stupid, they are still an inexhaustible storehouse of innate wisdom, but once they stop drinking and live out of poverty, they will Immediate loss of wisdom will also lose other virtues, for the soul is pure only in temperance!Yes, I told them, for example, I do not have low-level material desires, and at this moment, after being baptized, I will raise my hands and agree: This is a nation that pays attention to the soul!And what Keshousha said about the Americans is useless. The Americans are also a very good nation, but we want to be better!I say this as an Orthodox daughter, not as an apostate when I kneel down to pray and look at the icons and don't know what to say.Merzlyakov whispered to me: Pray!prayer!I said: I am praying.And I myself was only stirring the air in the church.However, when Father Venedikt appeared on my path, I gradually recognized the beauty, and felt the breath of the not-so-fertile autumn land. Just the yellow carpet, when you walk on that carpet, it doesn’t belong to you anymore, your heart is full of joy, and there are singing in your ears, it seems that they closed the entrance from the provinces to the capital, and they are holding a never-ending Olympic Games , things will get better, because, I can say this from my own life experience, if they don't, they will turn bad and don't want to go back after buying a lot, especially those with various intentions Those who are not yet completely depraved, the capital has bewildered and corrupted them.To get into Moscow you have to get a visa, and then you go, or else stay at home and don't rush anywhere, or you'll dream at night, and sometimes you'll cry out in your dreams, Moscow is only one night away, and I would also like to mention the fact that the trains going there are full and there are no empty seats, just like in the subway, passengers sleep on the luggage racks, and I was often almost alone in an ordinary car on my return.At the same time, the population of our city did not decrease.I was married twice, that is, before the age of twenty-three, and both marriages were stupid, but that's not the point: I went to Moscow to visit the theaters and restaurants there, to rest my soul, I visit some people more and more frequently, and I know more people. What's more, my grandpa lives in Moscow, and he has a two-bedroom apartment!Live alone! ! ! — What a rare phenomenon!No, his wife, that is, my grandmother, is dead, but I still have to spend time in the poorest provincial town!Of course, not everyone can have a grandpa living in Moscow, an old Stakhanov worker who was an advanced worker in the "Stakhanov movement", a movement in the Soviet Union to improve Labor productivity, better use of technical equipment A mass movement of innovators and advanced producers since 1935, known for its founder, Donbass miner Stakhanov (1905/06-1977) Named by surname. , was in poor health and needed to be taken care of, but his son, my crooked father, went mad, left Moscow, and was permanently trapped in our ancient city, becoming a real on the scum.I feel like he's been guilty of crimes before, but by an unwritten agreement the family never talks about it, and it's not by accident that Dad is one-eyed, which means he does have one eye and the other is a false one , the false eye was very small, and it was very unsuccessful to pretend, because of his false eye, I was laughed at in school since the first grade, but my grandfather kept sensibly avoiding it, and now , the mother wrote in the letter: He was lying on the hospital bed, a large piece of myocardial infarction, maybe he will die soon, how do I know?I live here on the Lidula, though I hate living on the Lidula, damn it!My mother made some tricks. In the past, because I was young and ignorant, I ran around wearing a red scarf, and I never knew about my father's past. When my father's past suddenly appeared in front of me in a direct way, I thought, that's how he educated me, that's how he punished me when I made a mistake or got bad grades, that's how it should be, I didn't figure it out right away, maybe I didn't figure it out for a long time, My eyes were dark, my mother was at work and didn't know anything, but one day she came back at the wrong time, so she saw everything through the fluttering curtains, and she immediately ran to the police station to report it, so I thought: Look, Now the two of them were definitely going to kill each other, and they ended up having a big fight!It is said that my father was a mahogany carpenter. There is such a legend in the family, but I have never seen him holding a piece of mahogany in his hand.

However, the two of them didn't kill each other, they lived well to this day, and grandpa, -- what's wrong with grandpa? — is still a bright spot.However, a large piece of myocardium was infarcted.When my mother decided to come here, intending to immigrate to Israel, and wanted to mess with my misfortune, she said, our father’s journey has come to an end, the false eye was lost last time, and a new one has not been bought yet .At least, the possibility that Dad has been in prison cannot be ruled out, but I don’t know the reason. Perhaps, someone just wanted him to go to prison, so he quickly slipped away and ran to that remote place. In that place, because of his This one-eyed scum, I have been ridiculed since the first grade, and I was often made to cry. At that time, I was unusually tall, with a silly face, two pigtails, and a timid smile on my face.I am very shy, extremely shy, I am too embarrassed to undress in the women's bathhouse, I am always like this in my heart, only Moscow shines her urban light on me, and I am deeply in love Moscow!

I couldn't leave Moscow like a drug addict.I say to you: I used to hang out at night and scare my husband, especially the second one, who was even famous in town because he was a football player.I, as they say, betrayed him when he was in the hospital with pneumonia and I would have loved not to have betrayed him, but he kindled that fire in me himself and I restrained myself, restrained myself , but still fidgeting: I no longer dream of Moscow, but of dicks, piles and piles, like mushrooms with thick stems, and I often wake up sweating, it's horrible!The bad thing was not the betrayal, but the unsuccessful betrayal, and the one I picked was from another sports team.That object, naturally, has to brag about himself and tell everyone about it.Our city is not big, most of the houses are built of wood, and there is an ancient city emblem with a pair of small wings.Our jock has heard gossip in town.I was beaten up so badly, it's a miracle I'm not crippled!What a miracle!Although I have a scar on the bridge of my nose, like a greeting from football.

The scars are nothing, they can add some charm, but I couldn't bear the cynicism, so I ran to Moscow and knelt at the feet of my grandfather: You let me take care of you!Grandpa with a stern attitude, worried that I would turn bad.I swear on the health of my parents, if I lied to the old man, it was not at all premeditated.Even today, I still can't figure it out: Who lied to whom?Because, of course, grandpa could not say at the meeting that he was sick, he was an old man, and they couldn’t tie a rope to drag him there. In the end, it seemed that he was protecting me——this is what the late grandma said Words with double meaning.Alas, God bless him, as I lay down and hugged Kreusha and I, I inadvertently asked: Hey, how's New York?Are those skyscrapers depressing? —No, she answered, not at all.On the contrary, the scenery is beautiful. —So, I thought, you've been lying, but I can't figure out why she should.But grandpa walked across the Gulf of Finland barefoot, and he always said: Don't you bother?Your little lovers smashed the phones! —he's my secretary, and he answers the phone, always in the old-fashioned way: the line is connected! —Carlos, the Latin American ambassador on the phone.Grandpa said to him: The line is connected! —Leonardick would sometimes make a phone call and wait for me, full of love and exhaustion, but Grandpa said: The line is connected! —He managed my phone business, but was nagging, didn't understand pluralism, and now he's dying, maybe dead.

As we lay, talking, memories of Koktebel rushed to us like waves of the ocean.We swim at night under the flashlights of the border guards, we soak in the water, lie on our backs, slapping the sea with our hands, and when we walk out of the water, we are stopped and taken as Turkish spies, only Kesyusha Knowing how to work as a spy, she stopped the young soldiers and explained: We are not Muslim women!What, didn't you see it? ——Those little soldiers turned on their flashlights and giggled: Are you actors?Both of them are so tall!Are you famous? —Kesusha immediately took up the conversation and said: Famous! ——The soldier giggles, but we eat watermelon, red and red watermelon, we sit under the umbrella, she is reading a French novel, she has learned many languages ​​since she was a child, behind us, there is A group of men walks around: we despise them, we love each other, that's all.Yurochka.Fedorov said I was an enemy of culture, he was talking nonsense, he was talking nonsense, because there was an empty space in his belly, and in my place the bergamot tree was rustling, trickling The stream is gurgling, and there are some red-finned fish, but in his place, it is an open space, a piece of scorched earth, about culture-he is nonsense.I read a lot, I remember everything, and even Ksyusha wondered: where did you know that?Of course, it’s not without reason, because, for a long time, I couldn’t wash away the smell of the ancient city whose city emblem is a pair of small wings, no matter how I wash it, no matter what shampoo and perfume I use , I smelled myself—it was still a rancid smell: the smell of stinking soap and mustiness in the house.No, Yurochka, you don't understand! —Do you remember, I said, Ksyusha, that we both discovered a great law by mutual observation?do you remember?How can I not remember, she said, my little sun, a great and just law, but it does not apply to everyone.We both cried and hugged each other, we didn't need anyone.Later, I talked about Leonardic, about our agreement, she knew him from childhood, she called him Uncle Valodya, because he was a friend of her parents, she was almost from the age of four Just played house games with Antonchik, so—she called him Uncle Volodya.And I, I said, nearly died when a dump truck got stuck in the mud on our street.A few tractors came to drag the car, dragged and dragged, and we children were watching the fun. Suddenly, the rope snapped, like strings on a guitar, and hit a little boy next to me with a whoosh. He was hit on the temple, and he fell down at that time, and I was right next to him, no, I was squatting half a step away from him, watching with equal interest how they towed the truck, even the cab was sunken. It went into the mud, let's see how you drag it.That's when I saw: the boy lay there dying, and you, I say, hid in the marlin bushes doing foolish things to each other, while your parents were dignified under the pines on a hot day Walking, discussing world problems, wearing canvas hats and summer clothes, talking about historical moments, newspaper articles, and tomorrow's situation, nodding all the time, while their beautiful ladies A little bit farther away, there was a chatter about clothes, but the men weren't talking about newspapers either, maybe they were talking about women.Talk about everything, Ksyusha said, not necessarily about women, although they also talk about women, because Uncle Valodya has always been a man of love, and my father is not a saint, although he is very talented.How is that boy? —Dead, I said, soon.He was buried.Later, his mother said: nothing.I have another one. ——Sure enough, another one was born later, but at first she still cried, very sad, holding the child in her hands, not letting go, snatching it back from the coffin, not letting the child go, yelling, and later, she really A child was born, a boy again, this child looked exactly like the previous one, he had a shaved head, the back of his head was slate gray, like the color of a pigeon's coat, and I——was beside me, squatting there. —was the dump truck pulled out, or stuck there? —we laughed, as if we hadn't parted, as if she wasn't a Frenchman driving around in a pink car to scare people.How is the matter between you and Uncle Valodya?She asked, is he going to marry you or is he kidding?I want to make fun of him!But I complained: he was stalling for time, under the pretense of fame.I remember, she said, that he and a surgeon, a professor of pediatrics, thought about trying to adopt twin sisters.Two heads, two necks with a scarf around the neck, two hearts, four nipples, and then, just one navel, one whole body: all come and lick their lips, two girls nine years old, They were guarded and a nanny was hired to look after them.If only they had survived, the professor was very sad, but they did not, indeed: the sisters died, and did not live to the right age.Of course I remembered it, even if it was just a joke, and I asked Leonardic: Why do you keep writing these things?I read, I said, read it in middle school, and I saw those movies, and they made me sick! ——At this time, we are about to start arguing... Hey, how is it going? — Asked Khusha. —Have you raised this Lazarus back to life?Or is that thing trimmed with white fur hanging there all the time, dragging down to your knees? —Alas, I say, Kreusha, you are wicked! —Go to him! — she said. —he is a nuisance! ——He is annoying, and Genet is also annoying, Kreusa, you think everyone is annoying, but I think everyone has his beauty!For example, my Carlos, while his long-nosed wife was lace-trimming clothes in the country, he was flirting here, and we both slept on the table, lying among the office equipment, and he said: You are a Rare lady, Irina, your legs form the shape of the letter Y. ——But suddenly, he was called back again.what happened?A committee has seized power! — I know, — said Kreusha, — a gang of inhuman brigands!Even the priests were locked up! ——Who closed it? — Committee!Don't play tricks, little sun, marry Arkasha! — get married!He's true to me, like a horse, and his wife can put up with everything, that woman just astonishes me, but what do I get from him?sad. ——Oh, little sun, there is sorrow everywhere! ...... What about Renai?Still a socialist? - What's there? ——she said,—you know, I am also a female socialist! —Ksyusha, please spare me—I said,—you... are you a Socialist? —but she didn't laugh, she meant it, and she took money seriously, and she pinned up her francs like a stuffed beetle. The two are lying here hugging each other. I think this may be the last time. When she comes again next time, she will be completely different and reject me. But who made me understand what rural life is?who is it?It all started in that Koktebel, in the Black Sea, in Eastern Crimea, but I will never forget that she knelt in front of me and carefully wiped me with a towel after a night swim body, I will keep this memory and never give up, even if there is such a little oriole Nina, she doesn't even know where a woman's urine comes from, because she once asked me such a question , even though she is already in her thirties! —How dare she scold me! ——But I still suppressed my anger: I am a Christian, and I was close to religion very early.我以为，戴上十字架是为了获得一种满足，可结果证明：我错了。那个十字架沐浴过圣水，瓦列里昂神父也宣布，我是一个受难者。 关于第一个丈夫，我要这样说：我如果在大街上遇到他，我会认不出他来的，他已经在我的记忆中完全消失了，你们会问我：你和他一起生活了多久？——我会回答：也许一个月，最多两个月，如果按护照上的记录，那就是两年！可如今在大街上我会认不出他来的。这不是因为我高傲，或者是做样子，而就是因为忘了，一起生活了两年，两年，却忘掉了一切，忘得干干净净，甚至连他在哪里工作我都给忘了……不过，第二个丈夫我倒是记得：是个足球运动员！我被狠狠地揍了一顿，由于我被迫做出的不忠举动，因为事情已经到了不可收拾的地步，当时他因腿伤住进了医院，有一次，我看见两只看门狗耳朵贴着耳朵，不禁一阵激动，当时就下定了决心：我受够啦！现在，一切却都并非那样！衰老的风吹打着我的脸，两个乳房向不同的方向挺着，就像是母羊的奶子。唉，愚蠢的妈妈啊，我该到哪儿去呀？有谁需要我呢？不，这还不是结局。衰老的风直接吹打在我的脸上。 爷爷，我说道，你干吗要厚颜无耻地赤脚走在芬兰湾的水面上呢？请你告诉我，你要去哪里？你好像不是想去赫尔辛基买卖破烂吧？据说，芬兰人可机灵着呢！爷爷，别在芬兰湾上走了，别在夜里吓我！不行，爷爷回答，他骄傲地行走在芬兰湾上，旁若无人，不，我这不是要去赫尔辛基，不是要去旧货市场，要去说谎、耍滑头，我这把年纪已经太大了，我什么也不需要，我在呼吸新鲜的空气！——小心，我说道，他们会向你这位老斯达汉诺夫工作者开枪的，你会沉到海底去的！——是时候了，他回答，我该在芬兰湾上溜达溜达了，他们要是开枪，也不是什么大不了的事情，我就沉到海底去呗。——瞧，克休莎，我说道，一场马戏：爷爷在芬兰湾上散步，——可她却紧靠着我，轻轻地抽泣起来。她的发型是最新的样式，我想，我也要去做一个和她一样的发型，我忍不住：我有些嫉妒，虽说，我想，从另一方面看，又有什么可嫉妒的呢，一个人撑得难受，一个人饿得难受，——这两人又有什么区别呢！ 但是，她若是任性起来，就没救了！你们看，她说道，我又不是一个穆斯林女人，虽说我有鞑靼血统，和我们大家全都一个样，都是有罪的人！就这样，我和她站在月光甬道里，站在黑海岸边齐膝深的海水里，我俩手拉着手，莫斯科的名人，国际影星，两个漂亮的姑娘，而那几个小当兵的边防军却在检查我们，他们的裤子由于这一罕见的场面而鼓了起来。克休莎注意到了，她立即恶作剧地尖声叫道：喂，小伙子们，把你们的枪放下来，把军装的扣子解开，我们来一起游吧，而带有乌克兰口音的他们却齐声回答：我们在执行任务！——把你们的任务扔开一小会儿吧，克休莎说道，我们最好还是来游泳吧，交个朋友！——边防军们看了看四周，说道：我们没有游泳的权利，就在岸边坐坐吧，抽枝烟。好吧，我们走上岸来。夜空布满了星辰，四周全是礁石，海浪发出一阵阵涛声。大自然让人陶醉。小伙子们忍不住了，他们扔下沉重的自动步枪，领我们上了礁石，把我们放倒在那里，从土耳其游来的间谍已经被抛到了脑后。国境上的门锁被打开了。然后，我们又坐了一会儿，抽了枝烟。大兵们整了整军服，扛起武器。我们像朋友一样分了手。他们继续去守卫国境，而我们则又回到了大海，——扑通一声！——我们在月光甬道中畅泳。——你是怎么想的，——我问道，——他们有病吗？——你说什么呀！他们干净得很！——她撩起一道水花。——他们都是手淫者！ 第二天早晨，她表达了这样一个意见：小太阳，你那件泳衣太糟了，非常俗气！换一件！她说得倒好：换一件。我为这件单吊带的泳衣花了……可她却说：换一件！她不喜欢俗气，她把她那件给了我：拿去，试一试！我从克休莎那里学到了很多东西，虽说她并不总是对的，她对莱昂纳狄克的指责就不对。喂，她说道，你说说，你和他在一起怎么样？不，她又皱起眉头，你别说了！我感到迷惑不解的是，为什么说他是个老家伙呢？他完全不是个老家伙，他相当的彬彬有礼，善于照顾人，能适时地为你递上雨衣，挪开椅子，当然，他在因为他的名声而遭罪，但他却像个少年那样坠入了情网：他往我家里送玫瑰，爷爷整天闻着那些鲜花。 ——你和他在一起不感到讨厌吗？ ——我开诚布公地回答：一点也不！ ——她像一个法国女人那样看着我，说道：你们真是些怪人。 ——我们是指谁？她什么话也没说，沉默着，在我的眼中变了一个样，她刚刚回来，刚刚离开她那位口腔科专家，还没来得及做做客，自由自在地放浪一下，突然又准备离开了。她买了一些黑鱼子酱做礼物，对一些法西斯组织骂了几句。当然，他们杀死卡洛斯是不对的，他们中断外交关系、中断他那个地下室舞会也是不对的，虽说，他们在钉死大门的时候当然会如释重负地叹息一声：他也太疯了！他也太自由了！不过他不愿穿美国牛仔服，从来不穿。他和克休莎一样，不喜欢美国，他说那是一个糟糕透顶的民族，不过，对我来说反正都一样：糟糕透顶就糟糕透顶呗，委员会就委员会呗！我开诚布公地回答她，实心实意，毫不隐瞒：亲爱的克休莎，一点也不！他是一个伟大的人，我说。是一只恐龙！而他写的东西，我说道，不是我们所能评价的，他从国家的角度出发，比我们看得更远，而我们只能在这里渺小地游动。是啊，我说道，他的面前有着另一种地平线，和我们的不一样。而她却看着我，摇晃着脑袋：你们真是些怪人！wack!wack!